Women Bash Men
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Male Bashing 101 : This is How it's Done, Girls !
submitted by the Divine Miss M

Men are like department stores, their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like vacations, they never seem to be long enough.

Men are like computers. They’re hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers, load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like plungers, they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like cement, after getting laid they take a long time to get hard.

Why are men like laxatives? They irritate the shit out of you.

Why did God create man? Because vibrators don’t mow lawns.

What are two reasons men don’t mind their own business? No mind – no business.

How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are taken and what’s left are handicapped.

How is a man like a snowstorm? You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.

Why can’t men get Mad Cow disease? Because they’re all pigs!

A Man Thing.....human conception typically involves a chaotic dash by tens of millions of sperm seeking a path to a single egg. Some researchers believe that so many sperm are required because not one of them will stop to ask for directions !!!

Okay, take that, Guys !  Brutal and concise, Miss M. The Editor thought that one about the misguided sperms had an especially wicked touch.

Training Courses Now Available for Men
submitted by Miss PaJama Game

01. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

02. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

03. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

04. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

05. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference!

06. If It’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss !

07. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won’t Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II

08. Going to the Supermarket: It’s Not Just for Women Anymore!

09. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In

10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the >Electronics Came In

11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink

12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let’s Wash Those Towels!

13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You’re About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!

14. Bathroom Etiquette IV: Learning How to Put Down the Lid and Seat in just Two Easy Steps.

15. Bathroom Etiquette V: WeeWee Target Practice... or How to Hit the Bowl's Eye.

16. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill

17. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts

18. No, The Dishes Won’t Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware

19. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!

20. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means

21. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut

22. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don’t Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category

23. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

24. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let’s Clean the Closet

25. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let’s Clean Under the Bed

26. "I Don’t Know": Be the First Man on your Block to Say It!

27. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Understanding that Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty

28. Directions: It’s Okay to Ask for Them and How to Do It.

29. Listening: It’s Not Just Something You Do During Halftime

30. Learning What’s Funny and What Isn’t : Jokes like "How to fix a Broken Marriage : melt a ring down to a bullet and fire it" are not funny. This list however is.

Deep Dipped in Vitriol, Miss Pajama Game !  The Editor would hate to be in a Pillow Fight with you !  We especially admired the one about the "Bowl's Eye". 


Women's Retorts in Bars
submitted by The Thrill


Man: "Haven’t we met before?"

Woman: "Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the local VD clinic.


Man: "Haven’t I seen you someplace before?

Woman: "Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore."


Man: "Is this seat empty?"

Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."


Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"

Woman: "Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?"


Man: "Your place or mine?"

Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine."


Man: "I’d like to call you. What’s your number?"

Woman: "It’s in the phone book."

Man: "But I don’t know your name."

Woman: "That’s in the phone book too."


Man: "So what do you do for a living?"

Woman: "I’m a female impersonator."


Man: "Hey, baby, what’s your sign?"

Woman: "Do not Enter"


Man: "Hey, Honey, How do you like your eggs in the morning ?"

Woman: "Unfertilized !"


Man: "Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason."

Woman: "Okay, Yeah!   Let’s go pick up some chicks !  Know any good lines ?"


Man: "I know how to please a woman."

Woman: "Then please leave me alone."


Man: "I want to give myself to you."

Woman: "Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts."


Man: "If I could see you naked, I’d die happy:

Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing".


Man: "Your body is like a temple."

Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."


Man: "I’d go through anything for you."

Woman: "Good! Let’s start with your bank account."


Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there ?

There is nothing like a Sharp-Tongued Retort such as these to put a man in his place. And women wonder why many men are petrified to approach them!   One well-placed comeback like any of these would render most half-decent men gun-shy for quite a while. Kind of a verbal kung fu perfect for psychic mutilation.

Well, there you have it, folks. These are some of the premier male-bashing articles of all time. Do you guys have any snappy comebacks you would like to share for next week's installment of "The Men Fight Back" ?  Let's Male in those pithy counterattacks to Rick Archer at dance@ssqq.com !

I am warning you guys that the counterattack cupboard is nearly empty. The attack above is devastating if left as is without retaliation.  The girls will assume they can say anything if you let this ride.

Compared to the nuclear attacks these ladies have made, I have a couple pathetic items, but they are so weak I would prefer to say nothing. This is War and I am making a Call to Arms. Where is your Male Pride ?  Let's go, Boys, Give me all the best that you got !

Now to see what the men came up with for retaliation, click here:  Men Bash Women


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