40. A beer knows that no matter how well women write male bashing
jokes, men will blissfully continue to be creeps whenever the mood strikes them.
After all, not only have women always chosen men's DNA-donating Daddies, but women have
also had the first crack at shaping men's behavior when they were helpless and
impressionable. If women haven't succeeded in changing men in 300,000 years since the
Stone Age, you would think they would take a step back and see the Big Picture, but no,
futile as it may be, they keep hammering away.
A beer-enlightened Man knows we can be bad little boys sometimes,
but don't you girls think it's about time to knock off all the complaining and just accept
men the way we are ?
You see, when it comes to Men, you Women have no one to blame but
yourselves. Women were singing a different tune back in the days when men guarded the
caves. Things were so bad it got to the point where the world was down to just a few guys.
The Dinosaurs had eaten all the rest of the men and were just licking their chops at the
sight of all those plump Cave Babes.
So the women made a deal. They told the tiny band of men they
would do all the other work if the men would just concentrate on keeping those damn
Dinosaurs out of the caves. At the time it seemed like the men had gotten the raw end of
the deal, but as it turned out, the only guys left were indeed a special breed of man.
They were known as the Cave Bubbas.
These guys smelled, they farted, they were horny, they were rude,
and goodness knows how they loved to fight ! Banding together the Cave Bubbas
formed a lean, mean, Dinosaur-killing machine. Unlike all the sweet, sensitive cavemen who
sadly had been a little slow and little too tasty, just the sight of the Bubbas repelled
the Dinosaurs ! The Big Lizards took one whiff, then ran in terror from the caves.
Removed from their most important food source, extinction was just a matter of time.
Having made short work of a nasty job, the Cave Bubbas had little
else to do except chase the Cave Babes. It is a scientific marvel to note how similar
those Cave Bubbas are to the exquisite Millenium Man of Today !
Well, Ladies, we did our job and now you all you to do is
complain how a womans work is never done. Well, tough, We aint renegotiating.
Thanks to us, it's a Man's World and Yall are stuck with us like it or not.
Stick and Stones may hurt our Bones, but your Bashing will never
hurt us. If you think Bashing is so damn effective, why didn't you try talking a little
Bash Talk to the Dinosaurs back in Stone Age ?
So go ahead, Girls, Bash away, it won't do you any good.
Men are the same today as we were 300,000 years ago. We is what we is and you are
lucky to have us. Your Yap Traps woulda been Dino Dinner ages ago if it wasn't for us men
! You think the Pen is mightier than the Sword ? Some bottom-of-the-gene-pool
Cave Babe must have thought that one up. Try playing Pen Pals with a Rex some time.
But never fear. We Men are still on duty ! If some freakin'
Recombinant-DNA Dinosaur ever comes tromping through your living room, you will be mighty
damn glad to have us around ! Just bring us our golf clothes and our power tools,
then watch us kick some Dino Butt for old time's sake !
We just hope that Dinosaur can wait till Halftime. Burp.