Ten Best Costumes
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Rick Archer's Favorite 10 Costumes

In 25 years of parties, I have seen a lot of costumes.  With the exception of the first 4 parties (1978-1981), 
I have many pictures from every party. This meant  I had over 1,000 pictures party to review.  
It was a big project!! 

For next year's party I hope to complete a Top 10 List for every year.  
For now however let's take a look at my Top 10.  Enjoy!!

10. We shall lead off our List with Darth Vadar. You originally saw him on Page 9. Darth came to our party every year from 1983 to 1985. He never said a word. He never danced. He just was there for everyone to admire.  As I said earlier, I didn't even know who he was!!  

In those days our costumes were much simpler. We didn't have the tradition of excellence that you see at our modern party. 

I am grateful to Darth for being our costume pioneer.  He had easily the most elaborate costume for three years running. Therefore it is fitting that Darth Vadar also be first on our List!!

 

9.  I have already said on two earlier occasions that Tracy Mouton's Cleopatra costume was one of the Ten Best.   

Now I will go one step further - I also think her Cleopatra costume wins two other categories -  Most Beautiful Costume ever and Best Costumes for two people. 

What an unbelievable couple!!  

Thank you, Tracy. 

 

8. Bob Job came as the Super Bowl in 1983.  Yes, the notorious punch spiker brought to fame in my Halloween Party from Hell story turned around and won best costume the following year. 

If you study his outer garment, there are football players painted in great detail all over his outfit. Bob painted them himself complete with goalposts. But it was his genius to put the Good Year Blimp up on his shoulders that brought a huge smile to everyone.  Very clever costume!!

 

7.  Gallery Furniture Saves You Money!!

How many times did we hear that back in 80s when Mattress Mac first hit the TV air waves with his famous slogan?? 

These days Jim McIngvale has toned down his act and made an impressive move towards respectability with his support of Professional Tennis and Basketball and other sports as well. He has become a wonderful community leader in many ways. 

But back in those wild and crazy days of the 80s you could not watch a late night TV show without viewing a semi-rabid pitchman named Mattress Mac leaping into the air screaming his immortal words at the top of his lungs. 

In 1988, Lester Buck had the inspiration to come to the party dressed as Mattress Mac.  He had it down to a T.  He spent most of the evening in mid-air screaming the famous words of his Muse. 

Best of all, he also took hundreds of pictures with women crawling all over him.  Lester was the envy of every man at the party. His costume also generated a legion of jokes along the lines of how to get a woman into bed with you. 

Everyone loved this costume. Thank you, Lester.

 

6.  You can't just come to 25 consecutive Halloween Parties without accidentally having at least one good costume.  Yes, I voted for myself on the Great Clown outfit.  

As you can probably figure out, I don't deserve a bit of credit. Judy Archer is an extremely creative woman.  Not only is she an excellent seamstress, but she has all sorts of good ideas.  Over the years she has created two entire dance programs - Swing and Salsa - all on her own. She personally was responsible for bringing the Lindy to Houston in 1997.  And it was her idea to have our much-complimented Haunted House

In 1992 Judy slaved for hours creating these three magnificent clown outfits from scratch.  

Thank you, Judy.

 

5. In 1986 Linda Towery came to the party dressed as the Great Pumpkin.  Seen above with her sister Rita, Linda made this excellent costume herself.  Everybody raved about how clever it was!  

As you can see there was a place for her to put out her arms, etc.  Everyone assumed it was simply a great costume that would soon be dumped when the music came on.  We were in for a big surprise. 

Roger Ingbretson asked Linda to dance.  She got a funny smile on her face and started to wiggle inside her costume.  As expected the pumpkin dropped to floor.  That's when we got the surprise. 

Instead of stepping out of her costume to dance, Linda attached something to her belt, smiled at Roger (in the baseball outfit) and said, "Let's dance!"

To our amazement Linda proceeded to dance with that pumpkin attached!!  She did footwork, she turned, she moved her hips, she twostepped, whipped, and jitterbugged all night long with that pumpkin attached. 

It was incredible to watch. 

Thank you, Linda.

 

4.  In 1997 Paula Henderson, now better known as SSQQ Staffer Paula da Silva, shocked all of us by walking into the party with the world's biggest butt. 

Then she took off her jacket to display what her shirt said - Secretary of the Year!

Immediately all of us began to roar with laughter.  Her costume may have been a joke, but it was really funny.  

Everyone loved to watch as Paula waddled around on the dance floor and through the party proudly displaying the world's biggest butt all night long.  

Then by a wonderful coincidence, Rocky Kneten showed up as the Wild and Crazy Guy. His outfit was perfectly color-coordinated and equally wacky.  Seen pictured together above, they made a perfect matching couple. We laughed till our sides hurt. 

3. Ordinarily, Barbara Herndon is a beauty, the kind of woman whose good looks turns heads. 

But one night in 1999, Barbara was downright scary. She came to our party that night dressed as a Witch Doctor.  

Her costume was simply awesome!!  From head to toe, Barbara was the embodiment of an African woman complete with makeup and accessories!! 

The Witch Doctor definitely had some magic!!  She cast a spell on everyone and, as a result, none of us - me included - could take our eyes off her.  She was just stunning to look at. 

Barbara created every part of her costume herself.  She carefully collected the needed parts such the grass skirt, the spear, the bone necklace, the arm bands, the moccasins, the black wig, and her leopard-skin top.  Then Barbara put on the brown body paint and the makeup.  She was just perfect. 

Later Barbara told me it took her 2 hours to get the makeup off after the party.  What an amazing outfit.  Thank you, Barbara!!

 

The best word to describe Carol Gafford's Elvira costume is 'Clone'. 

In 1986 Carol walked into the Halloween Party dressed as Elvira and the party stopped dead in its tracks as everyone thought the 'Mistress of the Dark' herself had just walked in. 

Carol could easily have passed as the real Elvira.  She had dyed her hair black and had it styled to match Elvira.  She painted her nails black.  She found a form-fitting costume to match Elvira's.  And her wonderful figure matched that of the real Elvira curve for curve. 

In a nutshell, for that night Carol was Elvira.  I am so grateful to the photographer who had the inspiration to pose Carol next to the life size cardboard figure of Elvira. Isn't that an amazing picture? 

Carol was a sensation all night long.  None of us could stop looking at her.   Thank you so much, Carol. 

 

And now it is time for the Best Costume in SSQQ History.  
First a couple jokes to warm you up and get you in the mood. 


1.  Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean." 

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk cups her ear with her hand and replies, "Come again?"
 
"No," she says "This time it's Mustard....."

 

2.  Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell's gates he meets Judgment. Judgment tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants. Clinton will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell.

Three doors appear before Clinton. The first door opens. Behind it is Newt Gingrich. He's being worked over with a blowtorch. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, "That looks painful. I don't think this is for me!"

The second door opens. Behind it is Ted Kennedy. His skin is being stripped off with a pair of pliers. Grimacing at the bloody scene, Clinton says, "I don't think so."

The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He's naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what Monica is best known for. 

"I can handle that!" Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.

"Very well," says Judgment. "Monica, you may go."

3. And now here is a Sing a long Song to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies....

Dere once was a story 'bout a man named Bill; Da poor president couldn't keep his willie still;
Den one day he was workin' at his desk, When in walks Monica and shows da boy her chest...
Boobs, that is. Two of 'em. Bodacious ta ta's.
Well da next thing ya know, Mon-i-ca is on her knees, Mouth open wide and as happy as you please;
Bill sez, "oh yeah now-don't say a thing," "If you do da job then we'll have a little fling."
Blow job, that is. Phalli osculation.
Well, Bill lost his load and it fell upon her dress, He said, "Clean it up, 'cuz you really are a mess, 
And you're invited here to dis fine locality, To have a heapin' helpin' of little Willie C."
Da wiener, that is. Da presidential staff.
So week after week, Monica's on her knees, Keepin' Willie and his Wiener just as happy as you please, 
But then she figured out dat the fling had gone too far, So she blabbed it all to Linda Tripp and Kenneth Starr.
Bad girl, that is. Cigars. Bodacious ta ta's.
Well it weren't too long till we all knew the score, 'bout da stuff dat went down behind da oval office door;
Da country's in da toilet and da people cry, "No More"; But if we oust da cheatin' jerk, den we gotta live with Gore.
Boob, that is. Great big one. Head stuck up his rear.
So now ya know da story 'bout Bill our president, Wonderin' if dis fling's gonna cost him every cent;
So da moral of da story is to do it quietly, And stay outta trouble with dat witch named Hillary.

 

1.  In 1998 everyone's mouth dropped to their knees as a collective gasp could be heard around the room. 

Gillian Tilbury and Joanne Armstrong had just made their entrance dressed as Matching Monicas. 

And did they have attitude!!  No kidding.  Gillian and Joanne were on their game and running their mouths. They had so much attitude those tawdry 'Sex in the City' vixens seemed tame in comparison. 

They were sassy.
They were shameless.
They were unrepentant. 
They loved every minute of it. 
They reveled in the attention.

And would you mind posing for a picture?   Why, certainly!!  So glad you asked! 

It isn't every day two evil-minded women get a Poster Bad Girl to imitate just for the shear wickedness of it.  Yes, Gillian and Joanne had the time of their life becoming Monica Lewinsky complete with cigars and knee pads. 

Not only were their costumes perfect, but they had the attitude necessary to put the finishing touch on the most outrageous costume in studio history. 

I have never been able to look either woman in the eye since without recalling their night of infamy.  And I am so grateful to have been privileged to see them in their glory.

 

I hope you enjoyed our story.  
Next year hopefully we will be back with the top ten costumes of every year. 
Till then, thanks for reading!!
Rick Archer, November 2002

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