Mental Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder Contributed by Gay Anseman and Rick Archer July 2006 Recently, I was diagnosed with MAAADD. This true story illustrates clearly how MAAADD manifests itself. Recently I turned 50. These days I can still rise and shine, but no longer at the same time. Coffee is the only chance I have to function with any semblance of my former self. Now with my morning coffee in hand, I go to read my email. The first thing I see is a letter from my sister telling me about all her problems. I really need to write something to cheer her up when another email catches my eye. Aha! It is my reminder email. Yesterday I cleverly sent myself an email to remind me to water my garden today. It's a good thing I sent the email because, sad to say, not once did my mind suggest watering the garden.

I shake my head at my lack of brain function and say to myself that obviously the coffee hasn't kicked in yet. Why can't I remember anything anymore? This is a chore I have been either putting off or forgetting for days and now the flowers outside are completely wilted. Oh my gosh! I better take care of this first. My sister's email can wait. I cannot take a chance of getting distracted, so I decide to water my garden before I do anything else. After that I can come right back inside and write my poor pitiful sister.

We have a very long hose located on the west side of the house. It is so long it can stretch to my other side yard, which is where the flowerbed and garden lies. I turn on the hose. As I walk to the garden on my other side yard, I pass my car in the driveway and decide it could use a quick wash. 10 minutes will make a big difference. Since I have the hose on anyway, why not kill two birds with one stone? I smile at my multi-task inspiration. I lay the hose down in my side yard garden so I don't waste any water. This way I don't have to walk 60 feet out of my way to turn it off then turn it right back on again. Then I go to the garage to get the washcloth and soap for my car.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail in the mailbox from yesterday. Must have come late because I remember checking a couple times. So I stop and pick it up as I head to the garage.

As I place my mail on the table just inside the front door, I notice the two credit card bills I put out yesterday morning that absolutely must be paid today or I am out $60 in late fees.

I better pay these bills before I forget!

I quickly sort the mail in my hand to make sure there aren't any other urgent bills. Then I put the junk mail in the trash can under the table. That's when my nose begins to twitch. I move some newspapers from yesterday and notice underneath the can is full of rotten bananas my husband must have thrown out. There are little flies swirling everywhere and, gosh, do those rotten bananas stink! Why he can't put the smelly garbage in the right trash can is beyond me. I need a course on how to train husbands properly. But I will worry about that another day. Right now I have too many things to do.

Maybe I should have put the newspapers back on top because now the smell is overwhelming. So I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

I am halfway out the door when I change my mind. I think I better pay those bills before I forget. I put it off yesterday, but this Scarlett O'Hara technique only works on a temporary basis. Writing a couple checks only takes a moment and saves me a lot of money. And since I'm going to pass the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I can put those paid bills out for the mailman and do two errands at once. So I prioritize and switch back to paying the bills first. Damn those little flies!

I take my checkbook off the table and see that there is only one check left. As I swat a fly away that is buzzing in my eyes, I feel like I am forgetting something. I hate that feeling!! Where are my checks? My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I head off to my desk. There on top of the desk I find my morning coffee next to the computer. My coffee is my friend.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to warm up my coffee to help me concentrate while I am paying the bills. Lord knows I will forget to put the address side facing the wrong direction if I don't concentrate. I go to the kitchen and put the coffee in the microwave. This will only take a minute.

As I wait for the coffee to heat up, I notice in the dining room a vase of flowers on the window sill. Oh no, they need to be watered! Hmm, seems like that reminds me of something. Something about water. Is it time to do the dishes? A quick glance at the sink shows they can wait. But those beautiful flowers cannot wait!

I hear the beep beep beep of the microwave calling to me that my coffee is ready, but the flowers are more important. I go to the counter next to the sink to get the watering can only to discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I will need my glasses to pay the bills! What a lucky break to find them!

That reminds me I better pay those bills before I forget, but first I'm going to water the flowers before I forget. I cannot let those flowers die needlessly.

However just so I don't forget them, I put my glasses on first. As I begin to fill the watering can, I look around with eyes that Superman would be proud of. Sure enough, my improved vision suddenly helps me spot the TV remote hiding underneath the couch in the den next to the kitchen. We couldn't find it last night. My husband must have dropped it. How many times have I told him exactly where to put the remote when he is through using it? We never can find the stupid thing without a major search! Too bad they don't install a beeper in it and put a find-it button on the TV to make the signal go off. The guy who invents that would make a fortune. I need to remember to tell my husband about my idea tonight. He can't figure out where to put the garbage, but he is definitely a gadget guy in an absent-minded professor sort of way. Fortunately I am good with details so we make a great couple. Maybe he can take my idea and make us rich!

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV tonight, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember where I spotted it. So with the watering can in one hand I walk over to the den and retrieve the remote. The TV is on one side of the room and the dining room entrance on the other. Before I can put the remote back on top of the TV set where it belongs, I get angry with myself because I keep forgetting the flowers. Just do it! So I stop and turn around. The remote can wait. I must water the flowers before I forget!

The dining room is right next to the den. I start to pour water in the flower vases and pots, but that's when it hits me I was supposed to water the outside garden too. That thought makes me oddly nervous somehow. What am I forgetting? I am so preoccupied trying to remember all the things I have to do I accidentally bump the can against the window sill and drop the can on the floor. I gasp in shock as quite a bit of water spills on the floor. Oh no! My beautiful antique wooden floor is covered with water! So I quickly set the TV remote down on the window sill, then run to get some towels and wipe up the spill.

It takes quite a while to clean up the spill. I am so angry and frustrated! I have so much to do, but it seems like I take two steps backward for every one step forward. I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do when a wave of exhaustion hits me. Maybe I should sit down for a moment… and I doze off.

When I wake up an hour later, it is nearing the end of the day. I chide myself for not getting out of bed early like I used to. Something is bothering me. It seems like I didn't get a damn thing done. But when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

That's when it hits me what I have forgotten to do… Oh no, I need to get dinner started!  But I feel like there is something I am forgetting. If I still had a brain I would remember that: ----the car isn't washed, ----there is still only 1 check in my check book, ----the bills aren't paid, ----the late fees are now a certainty, ----the entrance to our house smells from rotten bananas, ----the trash needs to go out, ----there is a cup of coffee growing mold in the microwave, ----the flowers never got enough water, ----my sister never got an email, ----and I am sure I forgot a bunch of other stuff too. But right now, dinner takes priority over everything.

My husband comes home, asks what is for dinner and adds, by the way, have I seen the remote? He wants to catch Sports Center but he is too lazy to move from his chair and switch the channels manually. What a big potato! He mutters something about working hard all day and can I find it for him. Hmm. Just what does he think I do all day? I take my house work seriously!

That reminds me that I had some kind of brilliant idea I was going to tell my husband, but I can't remember what it was. I wish I would remember to write my good ideas down while they are fresh in my mind. As I wander around looking for the remote, I visit the study and see the computer is still on. Do I have any email??

That's when I notice my sister's sad email from this morning. I hate myself for not answering it promptly, but then I see the other email to myself. It hits me in a flash…ohmygosh… I LEFT THE WATER RUNNING IN THE FLOWER BED IN THE SIDE YARD!

I run outside in panic. Sure enough, the poor garden plus our entire back yard is flooded to biblical proportions. First I get angry with my husband for not noticing, then I realize he could not have seen our new swimming pool from where he parked his car. I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe I will get lucky and the water will drain overnight without him noticing. I need to remember to pay the water bill before he sees it. As I slowly turn off the water and sink to the wet ground in abject futility, that's when I realize beyond a doubt I am going stark raving MAAADD!! I make a firm decision that from now on I will send myself lots of reminders… One more thing --- Boomers Beware -- if it ain't hit you yet, your day is sure to come!   In the meantime, do me a favor.  If you see me wandering aimlessly in the yard, don't hesitate. Just shoot me.