1999 Newsletters

So What Happened in the SSQQ Jungle in 1999 ?

12-12-99
The SSQQ Christmas Party

On Friday, December 17, we had our annual Christmas Party here at the studio. It was well attended by about 170 people. Everyone looked festive in various shades of red and green. Many compliments were received on the pretty lights, but my joy was tempered by the sly comments on my expensive train set that never works. Hmmm.

Enjoying a complimentary pass the to Party were Susan Schroeder, Pat Bradshaw, Chris Holmes, and Kristi Peterson. These four people were the winners of the Christmas Carol Puzzle contest (see Brutal Competition II a couple paragraphs below). This is a picture puzzle where you guess the identity of a famous Christmas Carol based on clues in the picture. If you are curious to see what I am writing about, click here.

I like to play Christmas dance music at my Christmas Party. I think it is a hoot to Twostep to "Frosty the Snowman", polka to "Walking thru a Winter Wonderland", and swing to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'' and "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree". In addition many famous Carols are also Waltzes, including such classics as "The First Noel", "What Child is This?", and "Silver Bells".  However in the past I have been criticized for playing nothing but Christmas music, so this year I played about 40% normal music as well. Hopefully that mix worked better.

In all, this year's party was a lot of fun. Now get ready to do some Irish Jigs and Waltzes at the St Patricks Day Party, our next "seasonal" dance.

 

posted 12-28-99

George Wallace and Suzy Kish Get Engaged !

The absolutely beautiful Ms Suzy Kish shares this with us...

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas. George gave me the best Christmas present ever!  He finally proposed!!  We had to spend some time apart before he made up his mind.  We haven’t set a date yet...Maybe August or September, but it may depend on church availability.  George is giving me his mother’s engagement ring.  I am still in the shock and disbelief phase!  But I think I can get used to the idea.  Hope to see you out dancing soon!

Congratulations to a lovely couple !

posted 12-28-99

Christina and Michael Get Married !

On Saturday, December 18th, Christina Graciela Cabello married Michael Anthony O'Briain. I do not know any other details since I haven't seen these characters in over a year. However they were sweet enough to drop me a card with the announcement. Christine, who is very Latin, and Michael, who is very Irish, are a classic opposites-attract North-South couple. I actually reported their engagement over a year ago !!  Yes, they met here at the studio, but like many couples who meet here then vacated the dance scene to pursue new phases of their life.

Christine is a beautiful lady whose classic Latin features confused me constantly into calling her "Carmen". There are always one or two people in my life whose names I get wrong no matter how hard I try and unfortunately this lovely lady was one of those people. She and Michael took many classes here back in 1997/1998. And then shortly after their engagement announcement, they disappeared from my sight.

So I am very pleased that they have shared this important information with me since it also clears up the mystery of their disappearance. So wherever you are, Michael and Christine, Congratulations !!

posted 12-28-99

Letitia and Jordan Get Married !

On Sunday, December 19, the former Miss Letitia Clark married Mr Jordan Kossack at the Junior League. Letitia met Jordan here at SSQQ back in 1998. They became great dancers, then sometime around the spring of this year they disappeared to pursue new phases of their life. (Yes, I used that line before, but it was so easy to cut and paste, I decided I liked it enough to use it again). Apparently they didn't forget everything they learned since rumor has it they got many compliments on their dancing at the wedding reception.

Letitia's mother, Tish Clark, is a friend of mine. She told me this lovely young couple is honeymooning on the shores of Costa Rica. If memory serves, this is quite near the remote island where the cloned dinosaurs from Jurassic Park are said to be. However, Tish says her daughter has made no reports of Velociraptors just yet. My guess is they are too preoccupied to be paying any attention.

Congratulations to Letitia and Jordan !

posted 12-23-99

MoJo Dance Shoes

Many of you have noticed the shoe table set up in Room 6 as you enter or leave the SSQQ premises. This shoe company is known as MoJo Unlimited. The pretty faces behind the corporate veil are Mo Hendrix and Jill Banta, two ladies who are currently Assistant Instructors at SSQQ, members of the Heartbeat Western Swing team, and SSQQ Registrars to boot (western of course).

If you would like to know more about Mo and Jill's shoe company, I sat down and had an interview with them recently. Click here to see what the Shoe Impresarios had to say about their first six months in the shoe business and the scandal that nearly ruined them before they ever got started (just kidding).

posted 12-28-99

1999 was quite an Eventful Year at SSQQ !!

As 1999 comes swiftly to a close, I took the time to review all the events from the year that took place at the studio. As I transferred all my Grapevine stories to one central location, I discovered I wrote 83 pages of stories. Goodness gracious !!  Certainly the chart below cannot do justice to these important moments in the lives of these people who are listed, but I must say I am truly amazed at all the good news. I can only say "thank you".
Rick Archer 

posted 12-20-99

Jamie gets an "A" in Country-Western Dancing !!

Jamie Mabry is a darling young lady who has been taking Western classes at SSQQ for over a year. She is so good at Western Swing that she joined the legendary Death Valley class and did very well. This summer she saddened us with the announcement that she would be leaving in September to resume classes up at Texas A&M.

However I have been secretly delighted to see her return practically every weekend to join us for Friday night Western dancing throughout the fall. My guess is Jamie hasn't completely adapted to life at A&M other than putting in the time necessary to complete her education. Since she is a senior, I suppose she might be reluctant to get too involved with student activities since she only has a limited amount of time left till she graduates.

One day in October Jamie let it slip that she was taking a C&W Dance class up at A&M for credit (unbelievable). I was immediately curious. I peppered the poor young lady with questions about the class. For one thing, Jamie suspected she knew more about Western dancing than her teacher did. The teacher was apparently a jazz teacher who had been roped into doing this against her will and better judgment. Jamie speculated openly about the chance her teacher had never been Western dancing in her life. The course consisted mostly of line dances, some of which were pretty corny. Furthermore the boys had no sense of rhythm at all. And they hated to be corrected. Jamie was astonished at how bad the dancing was.

When December rolled around I was very pleased to discover that Jamie did indeed receive an "A" in her dance class. I was curious about what the Finals consisted of, but I think Jamie became suspicious about my interest and started to be a little more reluctant to disclose any more damaging information.

I asked if the teacher ever noticed how good Jamie was and Jamie's reply was something to the effect that she wasn't sure if her teacher ever noticed anything. Well, whatever, SSQQ is very pleased to have contributed to Jamie's GPA and if she ever applies at SSQQ for a job, she should definitely plan on bringing her transcript with her.

12-22-99

How Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer put 6 Kids thru College

Judy, Sam, and I were fortunate to be invited to see Christmas Lights courtesy of Larry Carlton a week or so ago. To our delight we got to sit next to Ben Liles and his lovely wife Diana. Ben regaled us with many interesting stories, but my favorite was the story he told about Rudolph. According to Ben, the story Rudolph began in the late 50's as part of a Macy's advertisement campaign featured several songs sung by Roy Rogers. I was fascinated by the tale, but a deep part of me is sick and tired of being fooled by "urban legends", so I discussed the story with my Death Valley class the following night. No one had ever heard this before, so I chalked it up to getting fooled again.

Then Marty Raber, a distinguished member of the DV class along with his lovely wife Adele, emailed me the location of a Rudolph web site. Although Ben missed on a couple of the details, I agree with Marty that the essence of Ben's story is correct after all. Thank you, Ben, and thank you, Marty !

How Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer came to be a favorite Christmas icon is a story as magical as Christmas. In 1939 Montgomery Ward decided they needed something new and wonderful to pass out to children in their stores at Christmas. Robert L. May, an advertising copywriter who was known for his poems, was asked to take a look at the idea. He was sure the poem needed to be about a reindeer, with a lovable, shiny red nose. After a visit to the zoo with an artist, May convinced the company that Rudolph was just what they wanted, and Rudolph's career began. 

Montgomery Ward handed out 2.4 million copies of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" to children all over the country. World War II interrupted Rudolph's career, and he disappeared until 1946, when the booklet was reprinted, and 3.6 million children were delighted to receive the Rudolph story. 

Amazingly, in 1946, Ward's chairman, Sewell Avery, gave the copyright to Robert May, over the objections of staff lawyers. A hard backed book was begun, and the famous hit song by Gene Autry was written by Johnny Marks. Since then there have been 300 different arrangements of the song, and the first hard back book sold 100,00 copies in two years. Rudolph's story has been presented on television almost every year since 1964. 

May took leave from Montgomery Ward from 1951 to 1958 to manage the Rudolph business, which paid for a college education for his six children. He remained employed by Wards until he retired in 1970. He passed away at the age of 71, August 11, 1976. Rudolph was 37. 

posted 12-22-99

Angry Customer

Not everyone is always happy with our studio. If there one policy that creates anger perhaps more than any other, it would be our insistence that people rotate partners in dance class. At this point we are to the point of "no exceptions" and we stick to our position very firmly. The man writing the letter below refused to switch, a decision which created a no-win impasse. He and his wife left the building feeling angry and misled. Unfortunately I do not know what we could have done to appease him.

Dear Rick Archer,

I am writing to register a complaint about your school. This evening my wife and I arrived at 7 pm to start our 4-week Salsa dance class and were told that the class was actually scheduled for 4:30 pm and that we could take the crash course tonight and then continue next week at the regular time. This really did not present a problem.

What really bothered me is, 15 minutes into the class my wife and I were told by the instructor that if we did not switch partners we could not participate in the class. This resulted in us leaving. Nowhere in your ad for the salsa class in the Leisure Learning catalogue does it say that couples cannot dance together! The main reason we took the class was to spend more time together. I had no interest in dancing with anyone except my wife. I find it incredible that your program is so inflexible that couples such as ourselves cannot dance together. If this is indeed your policy, you should state clearly in your ad that no couples will be permitted to dance together. You can be sure that I will tell anyone that will listen not to patronize your business. I am also registering a complaint with LLU.

Rick Archer's Reply:

Mr Weneck,

You are correct that in the specific description for the Salsa class “partner switching” was not addressed.

For space purposes, it is impossible for Leisure Learning to list every detail for each and every class, dancing and otherwise. The cost of printing alone would be prohibitive. However in the Leisure Learning catalogue, LLU gives a general description of the SSQQ Dance Program before the class listings. This description says clearly, “By switching partners throughout the class, students learn to lead and follow with different people“.

We have found in dealing with large groups of people, partner switching is what works best. You registered for a “group class“. If we make an exception for you, then we have to make the same exception for everybody. Then the “group” ceases to be a “group”. It becomes a collection of individuals all following a private agenda.

This wouldn’t work in high school and it certainly has not worked in the past in our dance classes. In this case, the needs of the group supersede the needs of the individual. The majority of the class would rather switch plus they learn more. We have experimented with allowing couples to stick together in the past only to be greeted with a new set of much larger problems. Our responsibility to teach people to lead and follow as a “group” works best when everyone trusts that we know what we are doing and cooperates.

Not everyone wishes to be part of a group. You are one of the them. I completely sympathize with your point of view. You are not the first person to express this identical concern. This is why we have private lessons for people who feel the same way as you do.

I have enclosed an article I wrote explaining our position in greater detail. You may not agree with it, but at least you will see I have put considerable thought into the matter. Unfortunately we do not always have the time to sit and explain our position in as much depth as I have with you. Usually we have a group of dance students waiting to get started. Thus the “take it or leave it” approach that surely rubbed you the wrong way.

If you haven’t already contacted Leisure Learning, I will forward a copy of this letter to them. They are aware of our policy, having dealt with similar issues during our 18 years of working together.

Rick Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
 

posted 12-12-99

Story in the News :
Jury Awards $66,000 to Danish Woman

Houston Chronicle
printed 12/15/99
from New York, NY

A Danish mother arrested or leaving her baby outside a restaurant while she and the child’s father drank margaritas was awarded $66,400 in $20 million lawsuit against the city.

A federal jury rejected most of the claims by Anette Sorensen, 32, who had argued that she was falsely arrested and that leaving babies outside is common in Denmark.

The jury found only that she should not have been strip-searched and that the city commonly failed to advise arrested foreigners of their right to notify their consulates.

A misty-eyed Sorensen said she was disappointed by the verdict. “I wanted to be cleansed in this way,” she said. “That didn’t happen. I have to let go of it. I don’t want it to ruin my life.”

Sorensen was arrested on May 10, 1997, outside an East Village restaurant along with the baby’s father, Exavier Wardlaw. Criminal charges that they had endangered their child were later dropped.

Sorensen claimed that police became angry that the couple did not agree they were doing something wrong and arrested them because of their attitudes.

Sgt. Gregory Ajose said he was grateful that the jury realized “we acted in good faith… to protect the interests of a 14-month-old child.”

The police, answering a 911 call, came to the restaurant after the baby had been in her stroller outside their restaurant for more than an hour.

Sorensen and Wardlaw claimed the baby girl, Liv, was sleeping comfortably in the stroller, which was outside the restaurant but close enough tat Sorensen could see the baby’s face.

(Editor's note: I agree the strip-search carried things too far, but to leave a child this small unattended in New York City is indeed neglectful. That baby could easily have been kidnapped and run off with whether the woman was watching or not. People will pay a lot of money for a healthy baby. Then that woman would have been singing a completely different tune. And yet she is insulted, disappointed, and misty-eyed to the tune of $66,000. What a world. Boo Hoo. Instead of $66,000, Ms Sorensen should have been sentenced to watch 40 episodes of TV's "Law and Order" and "NYPD Blue". Then let's see her leave the baby on the street.)

posted 12-9-99

Brutal Competition I !!

On Wednesday evening, December 8th, 3 of SSQQ's Smartest Dames participated in a brutal head-to-head Super bowl competition to determine the SSQQ 1999 Champion of Champions. Over the year, three ladies have consistently been the Best of the Best at SSQQ's various quizzes and contests. Kathleen Alexander won the Geography Contest and finished a close second in Einstein's puzzle competition. Debbie Awad won both Halloween contests - the Monster Trivia Quiz and the recent Halloween Picture Quiz. Karen Alexander found more mistakes than any person in history during a silly "find the mistake contest" recently (scroll down the page a ways to read the story if you are curious).

Wednesday evening I found myself in the presence of greatness. All three lovely ladies were seated at the same table with me pen in hand ready to take a truly difficult test : The SSQQ Christmas Carol Challenge !!

About 3 years ago someone brought me a page with 24 pictures on it. Each picture depicted various famous Christmas Carols. I have to admit I was awful. I got about half of them right. Part of my problem is that I didn’t know very many titles. After “Frosty the Snowman” and “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”, I was pretty much a blob. However my memory tells me SSQQ Staffer Marla Jennings was very good at deciphering the titles. She solved practically every clue.

A few months ago I ran across an old copy of those pictures. I decided to put the pictures up on our web site for fun. However most of the pictures were badly in need of some touchup work. One Santa Claus in particular was so poorly drawn he could have easily been mistaken for Count Dracula, so I decided to substitute a Santa picture from my own art files. The puzzle was immensely improved. Pleased with my work, I looked for other puzzles I could improve upon. After upgrading a half-dozen puzzles, I was tempted to make up my own puzzles !!  So I added 16 to the original 24 to make the new total 40 puzzles. I thought it might be fun to let my previous contest winners have a crack at the puzzle first so I emailed them and all three ladies accepted the challenge.

Kathleen was so pumped for this contest she even heated up some coffee brought from home in our microwave. Talk about looking for a edge !!  Karen seemed the most relaxed. Debbie Awad just looked plain tired. She is a nurse and came straight from work wearing her green scrubs. I figured she was ripe for the taking. Wrong !!

Debbie Awad is a Killer !!  Let me warn everyone, this lady is very bright. Out of 40 puzzles, she got 27 out of 40 in just 20 minutes. Kathleen was a close second with 24 correct answers. Karen also did well with 20 correct answers. However judging by her philosophical smile, I think Karen sensed she was up against some Christmas Carol geniuses. Karen decided to go dance during the half-time break, a decision that probably cost her an answer or two as Debbie and Kathleen stayed behind to study their puzzles pages some more. I doubt Karen was very concerned.

Part Two of the Puzzle Challenge included a list of 80 Christmas Carol titles. This List made solving the puzzles much easier. Debbie got 11 more correct answers, Kathleen got 13 more correct answers, and Karen got 10 more right. In all, Debbie got 38 of the 40 puzzles in just 30 minutes. Kathleen got 37 of 40 and Karen got 30 of the 40. All three ladies did quite well. They politely asked how well I did. I was too embarrassed to tell them how much better they had done than I did originally. Humbug.

Debbie Awad is this year's Champion Smarty Pants. Kathleen was a close runner-up and Karen did extremely well. Kathleen also provided me with the solution to the Mystery Clue, a clue from the original puzzle that I had never been able to solve. All these ladies are so smart !  I am in awe.

If you would like to check out the SSQQ Christmas Carol Challenge, click here.

posted 12-9-99

Brutal Competition II !!

On Sunday evening, December 5th, Judy Archer and Leroy Ginzel participated in a fierce, brutally contested OATMEAL COOKIE BAKE-OFF COMPETITION. Judy, of course, had an impressive home court advantage. Not only has Judy been plying us with her famous oatmeal cookies for the past 10 years at special events such as the Halloween Party, the Christmas Party, and the Sock Hop, but also she enjoys a rather high profile as SSQQ's second-in-command. Leroy, the proverbial outsider who loves to try the impossible, was undeterred by Judy's reputation. Knowing just how good his own Oatmeal Cookies are, Leroy had the audacity to challenge Judy to a head-to-head Bake-Off.

Well, history is filled with tales of underdogs rising to victory. From David and Goliath to the 1969 Joe Namath-led upset victory in the Super Bowl to the current political struggle of John McCain to overtake George Bush, America loves the underdog. Leroy was undaunted.

The Cookie Contest took place at Sunday Practice Night. I personally set out the cookies on two sides of the table. I told about 70 students to put Cookie #1 in their right hand and Cookie #2 in their left hand. I also wanted everyone to wait to eat their cookies at the same time, but alas I caught about a Baker's Dozen munching away helpelessly before the official Munch Signal. Tsk.

As the prodigious gasps of delight began to diminish, it was time to vote for the cookies. Both cookies received generous applause. Of course they had already received the highest honor : nearly 100% of the people there had enthusiastically participated in eating both cookies with unabashed pleasure.

As for who won, the answer is obvious. We the Cookie Eaters did !!!  Both cookies were terrific. I might add that Judy brought home several of Leroy's cookies after the party - he baked quite a few !!   A couple days later I was kind of hungry and I asked Judy where those cookies had gotten to. Judy smiled and said they were gone. She and Samantha ate them. Leroy's cookies have three big fans here at my house.

posted 12-12-99

Brutal Competition III !!

On Saturday, December 11, 16 athletes came over to my house for an afternoon of spirited volleyball. We had a blast. The weather threatened to rain, but instead gave a cloud cover from the sun and a cool temperature perfect for outdoor sports. In fact, we had such a good time no one wanted to stop. We played for 4 hours, an absolutely unheard of amount of time in sports.

In addition to myself, we had in the first wave Gillian Tilbury, Ann Bush, Mo Hendrix, Rocky Kneten, Jill Banta, Rodrigo Aranda, and Richard Weisberg. Then came Glen Hilford, Nacer Sebti, Ni Teoh, and Tom Easley. Later arrivals included Allen Hoffman, Reza Taherian, and two of his friends. Missing in action were Marty Shea and Mike Gerstenberger who said they were coming, but clearly got better last-minute offers.

The truth is we played so many games, I sort of lost count of who won and who lost after a while. The teams were close and the games were all competitive. Courage Award goes to Gillian Tilbury. On this same volleyball court 9 months ago, Gillian suffered a freak accident when she ruptured her achilles tendon simply turning around sharply to chase a ball. I believe this was the first time she played volleyball since then and I thought she played very well.

Mo Hendrix as usual was outstanding. She is a terrific athlete. Her business partner in the SSQQ Shoe Store, MoJo Inc, Ms Jill Banta, also played well. A newcomer, Ni Teoh, amazed us with her spiking ability and tremendous volleyball skill. She is only 5' 6", but she was able to spike effectively on an 8' net by hitting the ball right at the peak of her jump. For those of you who don't know much about volleyball, the timing required to do this is very difficult to achieve, but she succeeded time and time again at drilling line drives all over the court.

Two people who I thought improved a great deal as the day progressed were Glen Hilford and Ann Bush. Glen at 6' 3" has the height needed to succeed at volleyball , but not much experience. However he just got better and better. His team was the winner more often than not and Glen helped a lot. I just wish I could stop calling him "Doug". I try very hard to remember people's names, but once I remember the name "wrong", it takes me a long time to get it reversed in this old brain of mine.

Ann Bush is also athletic, but inexperienced as well. At first she looked a little intimidated by all those guided missiles that were flying back and forth, but by the day's end it was Ann who was attacking the ball as her confidence grew and grew. She had told me her boss specifically warned her not to get hurt since she is considered "indispensable" at her job. Naturally she was the only person to actually take a spill. A ball was hit softly just over her head. She jumped to try and get it with her fingertips and actually fell over backwards. Fortunately she landed very gracefully on her backside, rolled backwards till her feet were pointed up in the air, then rolled forwards and stood up. She smiled at everybody to let us know she was okay and play immediately resumed.

Goodness, we had fun.

posted 12-09-99

Rachel Wins an Award at Texas A&M !!

SSQQ Staffer Rachel Seff, Matchmaker Extraordinaire, Toga Party Reveler, and frequent Grapevine contributor, won a community service award at Texas A&M recently. I stole this writeup from a TAMU web site :

1999 Harris Award Winner : Rachael Seff '92

Rachel Seff '92 received her BA in Religion and Political Science from George Washington University in 1991. A native of Westchester County, New York, Rachel relocated to Texas to attend Texas A&M in pursuit of her Masters Degree. She received her Masters in Education Administration with an emphasis in higher education from Texas A&M in 1992. She is pursuing her Doctor of Education degree from the University of Houston and is scheduled to graduate in May, 2000.

She is the former Coordinator of Career Services for the University of Houston Law Center and now serves as the Director of the Elizabeth D. Rockwell Career Services Center at the University of Houston College of Business Administration.

Rachel has been involved in numerous volunteer activities with the Houston A&M Club. She has volunteered with Habitat for Humanity (1997, 1999), International Festival (1997, 1998, 1999), Bevo Burn (1998, 1999), the Houston Food Bank (1997, 1998). Rachel has also served on the following committees: Coach's Night (1996, 1997, 1998, 1999), Muster (1997, 1998, 1999), Evening with the President (1998), and Casino Night (1997). In her part time, Rachel is a country-western dance instructor at SSQQ.

Editor's Note :  I wonder where she finds the time to work for us here at SSQQ. Nice going, Rachel. Now read the next story for an insight into the social life of Rachel's friends.

posted 11-30-99

Rachel Seff Shares an Interesting Story

Rachel Seff, SSQQ instructor and matchmaker extraordinaire, contributes this tale :

JD Horne is a student of mine from law school. This happened when JD and several of his friends were out in Austin recently. JD relates the story in his own words below....

BJ and Renee Downs have a Daughter !

Kimberly and Bryan get Married !

posted 11-16-99

Susie Merrill's Dance Team does Something Exciting !

But nobody knows what it is. click here for story.

posted 11-24-99

Elvis !   Dolly !  Julio !  Heartbeat !  10 Great Acts in All !

Our November 20 Lip Sync Show was very entertaining. The Lip Sync Show was inspired by a show we saw on our Caribbean Cruise back in the summer of 1998. I laughed my butt off on the cruise and decided we definitely needed to give it a try here at the studio!  This was our third show and it was pretty wonderful.

To find out what happened and who performed, click here

posted 11-12-99

The SSQQ Balloon Race Curse Continues !

Do you believe in curses? No, of course you don’t. Neither do I. But maybe there is something to curses. When I was growing up, in professional basketball back in the 60's the legendary Boston Celtics of Bill Russell and Red Auerbach were supposed to have a curse on the Los Angeles Lakers. Those Lakers, led by Hall-of-Famers Jerry West and Elgin Baylor, were a very good team. But year after year after year they always lost to the Celtics. Almost every series went seven games, but the Celtics won every one of these suspense-filled showdowns. Eight times in a row the Celtics came out on top despite the fact that the teams were pretty evenly matched in talent.

That is an amazing story. But the story of the SSQQ Curse is even stranger. The events from the SSQQ Balloon Race back in August were so bizarre, it took me four months to come to grips with what transpired. But now I have finally gotten the courage to write about it.  Are you curious ?  Then read what happened !!  This story is stranger than any Twilight Zone or X-Files episode !  And it is all True !!!  Click Here

posted 11-12-99

The Floppy Wizard Computer Store Moves to a New Location

After 17 years, Gary Richardson and his wife Betty have decided to leave the Memorial City Mall for a new location at 2551 North Gessner, about 3 miles from their old location. As I write this article, the store is being moved.

Many of you know Gary and Betty as the Midnight Waltzers every Friday or you may know them from Death Valley classes or possibly the Martian Whip classes. Gary and Betty have taken classes at SSQQ for three years. What you might not know is that Gary has sold 17 computers to SSQQ staff and students including SSQQ Staffers such as Daryl and Joanne Armstrong, Linda Cook, and Maureen Brunetti. That is a lot of computers !!

Now that Gary is moving his store, he has decided to start offering computer training classes. I think this is a great idea. Now SSQQ students who are lost trying to decipher the mysteries of computer software can get some much needed assistance from the experts. If any of you have ever struggled to unlock the secrets of Microsoft Word,  negotiate the treacherous territory of Windows 95/98, or negotiate the unfamiliar territory of Email, here is a great chance to add these highly valuable skills to your bag of tricks. The Computer classes will be held in the evenings at his store from 7-9 pm starting in December.

For more information, you can call Gary at 713-461-8660 or email him at floppy@blkbox.com  You can also read more about his store on the SSQQ Web Site if you click here or click here.

posted 11-18-99

Killer Whale Lawsuit Dropped
reprinted from the Houston Chronicle 

Tuesday, October 5, 1999
Orlando, Florida

The parents of a man found naked and dead on the back of a killer whale at Sea World Orlando have dropped a lawsuit alleging Sea World caused their son's death by portraying the dangerous orca as safe and huggable.

“They voluntarily dismissed the lawsuit,” Sea World executive vice president and general manager Vic Abbey said. “this was a very tragic accident that occurred, but as we’ve said all along we felt the lawsuit had no merit.”

Patricia and Michael Dukes of Columbia, South Carolina, had filed suit on September 10 seeking several million dollars for pain and suffering at the loss of their only son, Daniel, 27, a drifter who was found drowned to death in July in the whale tank. Heavy intoxication apparently contributed to this untimely event.

Editor's Note : Our legal system has got to be changed. This loser gets drunk, he breaks into Sea World at night, jumps into the whale tank, and drowns trying to kiss a killer whale. Then the loser parents turn around and sue Sea World for millions of dollars, claiming the whale was friendly and huggable. Didn't these idiots ever see "Orca, the Killer Whale"?  Who do they think Orca is, Barney's best friend ??   And some idiot lawyer agrees to represent them?  What in the hell is wrong with our legal system ? 

I think Sea World should sue these idiot parents for any damages to their park caused by raising a child without a brain. Even though I am sure the lawsuit had no chance in hell of winning, that doesn't mean that someone should have the right to aggravate the living daylights out of the Sea World people. After all, it surely could not have been fun to find what amounts to a suicide victim floating around in their waters. And I doubt the publicity was very helpful although some cynics might disagree. I wish there was some sort of penalty for filing a ridiculous lawsuit like this. Oh, by the way, you should see Daniel's picture. He makes Charles Manson look loveable and huggable. 

Don't you agree Orca the Killer Whale should be allowed to file a sexual harassment suit while we're at it ??

posted 10-31-99

Tales from the Crypt

Judy and I faced a mystery last week. Dracula had been "disturbed". Dracula is a big part of SSQQ Halloween. More people have had their Halloween pictures taken with Dracula at the studio than any other monster. It must be because he is so cute and photogenic.

I credit Southern Importers for giving me the idea to have a semi-realistic Dracula. At their store one year around 1991, they had an incredibly realistic Dracula one year. People would just line his coffin to marvel at how realistic the sleeping Dracula looked, only to suddenly flinch in terror as Dracula's hand would raise as if to grab them. It turns out a policeman who runs security at the store had wired up Dracula's hand using fishline. From a remote vantage point  20 feet away, he could wait for the perfect moment to jerk the wire. Screams were not uncommon as I would shop at Southern Importers. He would certainly have gotten me too, but I was in such a hurry, I just glanced in admiration and kept on going. Then when I kept hearing screams I decided to see what was going on. One poor lady really "bought it". She was just ranting and raving about how great Dracula looked. She had 5 kids with her and a girl friend. Just fooling around, this lady was actually leaning over the crypt exposing her neck and daring Dracula to bite her. The policeman's timing could not have been better. Up leapt that hand and out came a blood-curdling scream that would have made Janet Leigh proud (her scream in "Psycho" is probably the most famous movie scream and her daughter Jamie Lee carried on the family tradition in "Halloween"). 

I hoped to duplicate this horror magic at SSQQ. Larry Carlton helped enormously. He teaches shop at a Cy-Fair high school. His teams have won many state contests under his guidance. I told him about needing a coffin, so as a class project his students made SSQQ a terrific life-size coffin. Unfortunately for my purposes though the body proved more problematic. I bought an inflatable body, but the results were mediocre. Again Larry came to the rescue by bringing body parts to the studio : arms, torso, head, legs... all held together with stakes. How ironic. Unfortunately the SSQQ Dracula proved too flimsy to jerk around with fish wire, so over the years we have been content just to admire the impressive coffin with Dracula lying peacefully in repose.

Judy is the only person with any talent for making Dracula look good. She "brings him to life" every year. It takes about half an hour of careful concentration. This year was no exception. So it was with great bewilderment one Friday when I discovered that our Dracula didn't look right. Someone had obviously been messing with Dracula. I showed Judy who agreed he had been "disturbed". Frowning, Judy immediately set about redoing Dracula. Neither of us could figure out what had happened.

The mystery was solved a few days later as I worked on the SSQQ Haunted House. My carpenter friend Solomon and his cousin Luis were helping me put together the maze. As we walked through Room 2, Solomon pointed out Dracula to Luis and said something to him in Spanish. Luis frowned deeply as Solomon laughed. I asked Solomon what the deal was.

The story went like this. Every Wednesday night around midnight Solomon's son Joel cleans the studio with the help of his mother Rosalva and his sister Dulce. Apparently Joel was sick, so they enlisted Luis to take Joel's place. Now you need to know the studio is a scary place late at night after the lights are off. All you have to see by is the eerie glow of the red exit lights. Last year as I was leaving I glanced over and was frightened to see a man crouching ready to leap at me... it wasn't till after I had jumped back into a "ready for battle fighting" stance I realized it was the new standup Wolfman we had just bought for the studio. Hmm. Well, that didn't stop my heart from beating furiously for quite a while !

Dulce, Solomon's daughter is about 21 and very pretty. She is very short (5 feet) and very thin. She also has a sneaky side. Using her mother to set Luis up, Dulce turned out the lights in Room 2. She put a broom right next to Dracula's coffin, then actually crawled into the coffin with Dracula and closed the lid. A couple minutes later Rosalva asked Luis to go into Room 2 and get the broom. More than happy to help, Luis walked into the dimly lit room.

Just as he reached for the broom, Dulce's arm reached out of the coffin to grab Luis as she roared, "I vant to suck your blood !!"  Luis screamed bloody murder and exploded into a dash out of the studio for the street !  Rosalva, who was convulsed with laughter, had to chase him outside to calm Luis down and explain what had happened. Luis eventually pulled himself back together, but I am sure he visited a place in his psyche most of us would rather not experience.

posted 10-31-99

The 1999 SSQQ Halloween Party

The Halloween Party this year was just fabulous. I would guess we had 200 people in attendance, but that number could be even higher. As usual the costumes were just fabulous. Just as everyone reports on the dresses at the Oscars, I think we should comment on the costumes.

Talk of the night centered around Karl Rorabacher who came in drag. Now men dressing as women at Halloween are fairly common place. For example, John Anderson always comes dressed as a woman despite his mustache, hairy-legs, and a walk that resembles Popeye the Sailor Man. What set Karl apart from the rest is that Karl was possibly the most beautiful woman at the entire party... and there were many beautiful women at this party. Karl was so pretty I think RuPaul would have been envious. Everyone who saw him just shook their heads in awe. I certainly did !

Steve came as a Satyr. He had whip scars all over his back. He described himself as a "Satyr Masochist".  Steve looked incredible. Taught about a hairy guy !

Another couple who caught my eye came as Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf in pajamas. Great outfit !

Daryl Armstrong was resplendent as Austin Powers with his lovely wife Joanne as escort.

There was a stunning Anthony and Cleopatra. I mean, they looked good !

Andy and a lovely young lady wore beautiful matching Renaissance outfits. For that matter, there were so many Renaissance outfits it looked like the entire cast from the Renaissance Festival had decided to hit the SSQQ Halloween Party.

Jack the Ripper was frighteningly authentic. I liked the tall lady, I think her name is Barbara Herndon, who came as the Witch Doctor, spear and all. I was told her costume took about three hours to assemble (and weeks beforehand!) and about two hours after to wash off all the makeup!

There was a Latin "Carmen Miranda" couple who looked fabulous. There was a couple as a Sheik and face-covered woman in traditional royal Arab attire that was wonderful.

There were many body parts on display. Anita Williams had a butt so big it appeared on the satellite feed as the eye in the sky passed over Houston. Sharon Crawford (Dolly Parton) and Marla Jennings had breasts that they happily displayed to anyone curious enough to ask. There was a guy dancing with a plastic butt attached to his jeans. Everyone says, "I don't have a costume !!"   Well, next year buy a body part. Or get a hockey mask. Really. Stop the whining. It takes 15 minutes at Target or Southern Importers to buy something. You don't have be the best. Most of the fun is just participating.

There was a lady with a Hoop dress the size of your average kitchen. There was a Mermaid with a dress made of turquoise sequins. Theresa, Daryl's sister, was gorgeous with her pink hair as a girl with a dubious reputation.

Rocky was a Mexican Superstition that goes around and eats goats. His outfit had a sequined mask and cape with red tights and knee pads for muscles that would make Conan envious. His sidekick Laura came along simply to explain the concept of Rocky's outfit which I thought was a hoot. Now we can have one person in costume who doesn't say anything and another person as a spokesperson. Very creative.

Ben and Diane Liles came as Bride and Groom. Ben had a ball and chain. He has clearly grasped the concept of his lifestyle change quickly. Marty and Kim came as the Dance Teacher and Dance Student from Hell. Marty had some interesting dance suggestions on his shirt and Kim's shirt said, "that's not the way Ben explained it."  Marty had thumbs he was forced to sever because his students had trouble with the concept "no thumbs". I like that !  Keeping with the dance theme, Linda and Rad Decker came as dance police to issue citations for fast dancing, slow dancing, and reckless dancing. Too bad they weren't around the put the man in jail who decided to dance in roller blades.

Pat Steerman was dressed as a Ghoul. He took a few turns in the Haunted House. He was so well attired that he looked like a lifeless decoration... until he suddenly sprang to life !!  There are still M&Ms all over the Haunted House floor from the poor M&M girl who tossed her entire bag of candy into the air out of fear when Patrick reached for her !!

Other SSQQ staffers in attendance were Timm and Linda in combat fatigues, Joanne Spuck as Catwoman, Julie Downey in black with Sunglasses... she said she was movie character. I am sure she will explain it to me next week. Dennis Taupo I think was a monk, Maureen was a gypsy, Rachel as Elvis, Shannon Iles as a smooth operator (ER type), Ann Bush as Renaissance???(I forget, but she was pretty !), Paula Blaisdale as a biker chick, plus Rodrigo Aranda and his wife Nelly as matching monks. Andrew Gordon, the handsome gentleman who took all the pictures, looked terrific as a Sultan (nice turban !) along with his beautiful wife Donyce as a Belly Dancer.

Listen, I cannot do justice to all the fabulous costumes. I have decided to hire a fashion writer for next year's party to carefully take notes and names. Rocky of course will have his interpreter to explain his outfit and probably the rest of you might do the same.

Judy and I worked mighty hard on the Haunted House. It was a labor of love which turned out pretty well. Contributing huge efforts were Anita Williams, Tom Flaherty, and Aliene Rickard. I think the Haunted House will be even better next year !  I was walking through the Haunted House when I noticed a really cool monster that I hadn't see before. I stopped to admire it, thinking I needed to compliment Judy on her new monster when suddenly the damn thing grabbed me !!  It turned out to be Patrick. So just like Luis, the M&M girl, and the poor lady at Southern Importers, yes, I bought it too... I screamed !

Wonderful party. I love Halloween. By the way, the pictures from the 1999 Halloween Party are still posted on the SSQQ Web Site. To see the pictures, Click Here

posted 11-07-99

The Longhorn Jackass

This Story was originally published back in June, 1999. It was sent in by an SSQQ student via email.

As you know, Tuesday at the Longhorn is "SSQQ" night. Well, last night seemed like a typical night. Many of us were there, dancing and having a good time. Then came the whip music. Normally that’s no big deal. There’s always a little two-step, a little polka, a little waltz, a little swing, and then a whip set. That’s when I always sit down to take a breather, since I have had absolutely no whip lessons. None. So I was just sitting, enjoying the rest, when a guy came up and asked me to dance. "No, thank you," I replied, "I don’t know how to whip." To which came many "Aw, come ons," and "It’s really easy". All the time I continued to say "No, thank you." He then said, "Well why don’t you just let me show you a few steps." So taking him at his word (what an idiot), I walked to the dance floor. BIG MISTAKE! First of all, those whip sets are long, and secondly, he proceeded to throw me around like a sack of potatoes. I mean, he jerked me up, down, over, and under, and I lost count of how many times my feet came up off the ground! I realize that I’m no spring chicken anymore, but he would have destroyed the joints of a 20-year old with these moves! Not to mention all the nasty, sleazy moves he tried. Every time I would try to pull away from him or tell him to stop he would just laugh and not let go of my arm. When that song was over I just stormed over to my chair and the jackass had the nerve to tell me to save him a two-step. If I’d had my wits about me, I would have ground my boot into his instep!

A fellow from ssqq told me he has seen that guy before at other places and he does the same thing to other women.

Well, all I can say is I felt like whip got it’s name from "whiplash"! I couldn’t even turn my head last night it was so sore. And that’s coming from a woman who went through childbirth 3 times with no drugs - and one of those was a 37- hour labor.! So I am no wuss. (I’m not really sure how to spell that, but I’m still not one!) He just really ran me through through the mill.

Now you know why I just had to thank SSQQ. It is an incredible place for many reasons. But it’s the respect for other people that’s taught along with dancing that, and I think I can speak for many women, that is really appreciated.

The Longhorn Jackass Revisited

Recently I received this email from another SSQQ student who had read the original story printed above.

One Thursday evening we were at City Streets dancing. There was a guy there that usually shows up at Longhorn or wherever SSQQ dancers dance. Someone had submitted an article about him earlier this year. His usual tactics are slithering through a crowd, sizing up victims, and striking quickly. Then he drags his victims out to the dance floor and then proceeds to dance several levels above theirs.

It is a pitiful sight to see! He will do Twilight Zone Whip steps with someone who barely knows Two-Step. He never does the footwork of a dance, just the arm work. His footwork is a simple Step-Step-Step-Step, so he can drape himself around the girl, and touch as much of her as possible.

If a woman were to say, "I’m just a beginner, could you dance at my level?" it would not be heard. He would just continue mauling and touching her.

On this particular Thursday he was slinking and slithering himself through the dance floor. It was like watching a vicious animal positioning himself on unsuspecting prey and then pouncing on them. The attack is quick and clean, but the death is slow.

He found his latest victim and dragged her to the dance floor and began his "dance of love". He had her in Sweethearts and Cuddles and all sorts of neck wraps. She was totally confused and started the hysterical laugh women use when they are overpowered. At one point I thought her arms were going to pop out of her sockets.

The dance set was a long 15-20 minute set of Whip music. The songs went on and on. Her hair was a mess and her blouse was un-tucked. How long could she endure this punishment?

Then out of nowhere a Knight-In-Shining-Armor appeared. A man walked up to him, tapped him in the shoulder and said, "May I cut in?" He took the woman away from him, pretended to dance with her, and then walked her back to her table.

The entire crowd cheered!

Yea for the Good Guys!

Punishment !!

Judy Walsh sent me the following joke :

There was a family of moles that lived in a hole just outside a farmhouse. There was a Papa mole, a Mama mole and an itty-bitty Baby mole. One morning the Papa mole woke up and peeking outside said: "I smell pancakes!"

Hearing that, Mama mole scurried up the hole and squeezed in next to Papa mole, sniffed the air and said: "Mmmmmmmm, I smell maple syrup!"

This got Baby mole’s attention and he ran up the hole and tried to peek out but found his mother and father were blocking the entrance. Frowning, he said: "All I smell is molasses !"

This particular joke caught me completely off guard.  As a rule, I do not enjoy puns as jokes to read, but in this case it was well disguised, so I give this joke a lot of credit for fooling me. Some people really enjoy puns. Since I am open-minded enough to believe different strokes for different folks, I decided to publish an SSQQ page strictly for puns. If you would like to check it out, click here.  SSQQ will not accept responsibility for any subsequent feelings of anguish you might incur by visiting this site.

 

Not Everything you Read on the Internet or hear about in your Email is True !

I have heard that the Internet is riddled with lies and inaccuracies. For example, the truth is I tell all sorts of fibs in this Grapevine Column. So I lie a lot !!  Big deal. It is okay if I lie, but I hate it when someone pulls one over on me. Since I have a bad habit of saving everything, I occasionally have a chance to go back and compare notes. You might be amused to see what I have learned !  Click here

 

Einstein's Puzzle : Donna submits a Brain Teaser  !

Donna Ruth, numero quatro in the SSQQ tenure department (this means she has lots and lots of seniority) recently submitted a brain teaser that claims to have been created by none other than Albert Einstein himself. Oh sure. And it carries the caption that Albert felt that 98% of all humanity didn't have the smarts to lick this problem. Well, that's the kind of challenge that gets my blood boiling !   Anything Mental Gordian Knot that proves I am smarter than the next guy is right up my alley. Well, five hours later and about half a dead tree in paper, yes, I got the correct answer.

Humbled, but grateful I have managed to stumble into the elite 2%, I must say the logic test is a worthy one. If you too desire to see if you belong in the upper 2% of the world's brain jocks, then go for it !  Click Here for Albert Einstein's Puzzle !

Riddle of the Sphinx or Why I hate Amanda !

Amanda Keiser submits this brain teaser :

What is greater than God, more evil than the Devil, poor people have it, rich people
need it...... and if you eat it you will die. What is it ??

(Amanda adds that 80% of a class of Stanford students got this wrong, and 80% of 4th graders got it right. I think she just added this to make me feel more stupid. It worked. I am so stupid that not only did I not have a clue what the answer was, I assumed I was as smart as a Stanford student because I got it wrong just like they did. Amanda then pointed out that just because I got it wrong doesn't mean I am as smart as a Stanford student because their wrong answers were smarter than my wrong answers. Anyhow, if you want the answer, see at the bottom of the page)

.................................................................................................

Now I bet you were hoping the answer to Amanda's stupid brain teaser was down here. Nope. You obviously don't know how I operate !  I ain't telling you nothing until you email me with some gossip if you want the answer. No gossip, no answer, no nothing. You don't have any gossip ? Well, for crying out loud, don't let that stop you ! Just make some up ! That's how I do it...

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