ENTER CINDY, MY TRAGIC LOVER

Got any skeletons in your closet??  I have a big one in mine. In 1979, I got involved in a very messy affair with a married woman.  I consider it the biggest mistake of my life.  Not only was I wrong on a moral basis, this volatile woman held the key to the success of the studio... one mistake and she might off like nitroglycerine.

As crazy as this affair made me, I had to resist the urge to jump off this out-of-control ride prematurely. This woman was making my studio double in size at the same time she was driving me out of my mind.  But she threatened to turn the studio against me if I crossed her.  

The affair threatened to go bad and if it did, my studio would be in great danger (you will have to read the story to understand).  So I stayed in the affair through every twist and turn.  One of us was always just one misstep from destruction. Once when I was just one step from freedom, a dangerous gamble of mine completely backfired.

But magically it all worked out.  At the end of the road I found I had became the best known Western Teacher in Houston, Texas... which was great...except that I still didn't know a Twostep from a Polka. How how did that happen?

So, does this sound like the plot from "Risky Business"?  You bet it does. No wonder I liked that movie!  It felt semi-autobiographical.

TRIANGLE ONE: CINDY/ RICK/ HUSBAND

Here is how the tragic love affair started.

In the summer of 1978 a woman named Cindy took my Disco Line Dance class at the Jewish Community Center. She enjoyed my class and stayed afterwards to talk to me.  She discovered I taught other classes at Stevens of Hollywood as well.

She said she would like to bring some of her friends over for a class. Could I teach a group class exclusively for Cindy and her friends.  I smiled and yes.  Of course I could.

This led Cindy to organize a group of 20 friends to take lessons at Stevens starting in October 1978. This group included her husband and many of his co-workers. Cindy had such a good time with her first class, she talked everyone into taking an Intermediate level. Then she turned around and organized another group of friends who had missed out on the previous try to take a Beginners class as well. 

Cindy was bringing me a lot of business. At one point I was teaching three different classes a week of groups organized by Cindy. Plus she was having fun in the process.  And now she wanted to get even more involved so she asked if she could assist me on one or two other nights in addition to the nights when her friends were there.  

Of course!  This girl was magic.

Over the course of the next few months, I would come to realize the phenomenal "people skills" of this woman. Never before and never since has there been a woman like Cindy. She remains to this day the most talented, charismatic personality I have come across in 30 years. 

Starting in late 1978 and continuing on through 1979, Cindy systematically went about organizing one class after another, putting together a mailing list, talking people into taking the next course, and organizing huge dance parties, volleyball tournaments, and trips to Discos.  You name it, she did it.

THE PISTACHIO CLUB

For example, I had an idea concerning my favorite Disco, the Pistachio Club. Why not approach them about having a private party?  I put Cindy in charge.  For an entire month, Cindy systematically worked the phones every day promoting the event. Every evening at the studio she would make an announcement to the entire group.  And when the group would go dancing after class, between dances Cindy would pull one, two, three people aside and talk up the event. Cindy was on fire.

On December 2, 1978, we had 300 people show up for our party at the club.  Cindy had filled the place to capacity.  This is what she was capable of.  As one person after another came up to shake my hand and thank me for helping to put this event together, I was humbled in the knowledge that this was not something I myself was capable of doing. 

Cindy was in the process of doubling my business. I was in awe of this woman's power. 

(2006 Note: Just to put things in perspective, it wasn't until 2003 that the SSQQ Halloween Party began to draw numbers approaching the 300 mark. Cindy had set a mark that took twenty-five years to equal!)

And Cindy was enjoying herself thoroughly in the process. This was the most fun she had had in years!

Cindy was a mother to a six year old daughter. Her husband was an extremely talented researcher.  Together they were a golden couple, the kind the sun shines on. Despite their many blessings however, the couple had grown apart. The husband worked long hours to advance his career. Earlier in the marriage, she had been an elementary school teacher, but she stopped that to have her child.

Now she sat at home and did little more than care for her child and watch TV.  All that immense talent of hers was dormant.  She grew lonely. In fact, I would venture Cindy's situation was a classic example of the soul-draining frustration felt by many stay-at-home educated women.

Then Saturday Night Fever came along. The movie painted a glamorous picture of the Disco world.  She took a dance class and suddenly felt a flicker of interest. So she found a way to get more involved by approaching me and volunteering to help. You get the picture.

Soon Cindy was everywhere. She became the most popular woman at the dance studio. She helped me teach classes. She became my dance partner, took lessons with me during the day and performed with me. She was the person everyone went to with questions. She was important and people liked her. Best of all, she thrived on all the attention she was getting.

Then one day in May 1979 Cindy announced that she had a huge crush on me.  I immediately gulped.  Lead me not into temptation.  I can find it by myself.  

BACKGROUND

Why me?  In retrospect, I think Cindy was rebelling.

She had always played by the rules. She had been the good girl doing the right thing her entire life. And all it had gotten her was this mind-numbing loneliness. She was the perfect example of the old joke "If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry."  Her husband was brilliant at what he did, but he did it all the time.

Cindy had once been the leader of the pack, the Alpha Girl, but somehow had allowed motherhood to isolate her from being this person any more. Now for the first time in her adult life, she was accomplishing things and regaining the popularity that had once been hers for the asking back in high school and college.

She glowed as she felt self-esteem and energy come rushing back. Cindy was gaining an identity. She was the Disco Queen...

And I was the Disco King.

She loved my world. Cindy didn't ever want it to end and force her to go back in that genie's bottle again.  So she decided to risk a mostly-happy marriage and secure home for the excitement and glamour of the dance world.

Yes, we worked well together and yes, we had fun together. She was now officially my "dance partner" and we took private dance lessons together with thoughts of performing. The relationship stayed platonic.

However anyone who knows anything about the birds and the bees knows the foolishness of getting this close to the fire.  Over the months, the heat just kept building up. Now that her feelings were out in the open, for the next several months Cindy began to pursue a romance with all her usual intensity.

(Note: So what was Cindy's last name?  And what was her husband's name?  To be honest, this story is about me and how their presence in my life affected the direction and growth of the dance studio.  Not one of the three of us is remotely happy about this unhappy four-year period of our lives.  But look at it this way: These things happened 25 years ago. What's done is done. I don't see any reason to bring the embarrassment of the past into the present by naming names which would allow a simple Google search to track them down. Wherever they are today, Cindy and her husband are entitled to their privacy.)
 

MY SIDE OF THE STORY

I was fond of Cindy. Who wouldn't be?  She was warm, friendly, funny, beautiful, and loved to dance. She was my best friend. And from the business angle, Cindy was without question the most talented woman I have ever known. She was an incredible source of support to me.

But I knew better. You don't mess with a married woman, especially one with a small child.  Plus I really liked her husband!  He was indeed a courteous, very intelligent man.  I respected him very much. In fact, he always behaved with a class and dignity during this event that made me respect him even more. Had the shoe been on my foot, I doubt I would have handled things as well as he did.

Now that Cindy had spoken about her feelings, I admitted I liked her a lot too. But she was married and that was important in my book. I wasn't interested in having an affair. Plus I didn't trust her.

I told Cindy I was skeptical about her attraction to me. I said that even though we obviously liked each other a lot, the road she was trying to take us down was not worth taking a risk of this magnitude. Cindy had a good home, a great kid, wonderful friends, and a great husband.  She had the Golden Life.  Why risk it?

I told Cindy what she really wanted was the attention and sense of accomplishment she was receiving through her dancing, not me. I reminded her she could continue to have this life without having to pursue me.

Plus she had a young six-year old daughter at home. I told her she was nuts to jeopardize her life to chase a dance instructor!!  I said that on-the-job romances rarely worked out. I said anytime people worked together, attractions develop. It happens all the time. But people learn to ignore those feelings out of respect for previous commitments. I didn't see why we couldn't continue to have fun working at the studio and work at keeping her marriage healthy.

She said she agreed with everything I said. So that was the compromise we reached - she would try to keep her marriage intact and we would continue to work together.

Cindy may have signed off on the deal, but you don't know Cindy like I do. What Cindy wants, Cindy gets. She is a Force of Nature. The more I resisted, the more she persisted. She would not back off and it was impossible to ignore her.

Finally I laid down a ground rule. If you are serious, move out of your home and move in with me. Until then, no hanky panky.  I meant it.

What utter foolishness.

1978 1979 1980 1981

THE STRANGE COURTSHIP

After our "talk", I kept Cindy at arm's length for four more months.  Cindy and I began one of the strangest courtship rituals imaginable.  Cindy continued to live at home, but would spend a great deal of time at the studio with the open knowledge, and I suppose acceptance, of her husband. Or was it resignation?  Cindy was at the studio three or four nights a week as my dance assistant and dance partner. 

Any fool could see the storm clouds brewing. Despite the fact that things stayed platonic and I continued to date another woman, Cindy acted as if we were going together.  Several nights a week after class we would have long talks about why it would work, why it wouldn't work, was it worth the pain, you get the picture. 

EXPERIENCE IS A COMB THAT LIFE THROWS YOU AFTER YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST YOUR HAIR

Thanks to the exciting days of Disco, I was beginning to shine for the first time in my life.  I was in the right place at the right time and there was a lot of energy flowing through me.

But just as I was becoming a hot item, I basically had the dating experience of a teenager. Or should the phrase be "inexperienced in the ways of love"?   I never dated in High School. I never dated in College. In 1973, I was deeply hurt by a two-timing girlfriend in Graduate School.  It was now 1979, but the wounds from that devastating experience had still not completely healed. I always worried about being betrayed, a fear that haunted me all year long with both Cindy and Susie, the woman I am about to write about. Nevertheless, I had not had a girlfriend in five years. I figured it was time to try again.

And try I did. Hmm.  Maybe I went a little overboard making up for lost time. 1979 was the year four different women each gave me painful lessons in Romantic Politics.  As I reeled from one headache to the next, I always seemed to learn everything the hard way. I packed a lifetime of lessons into one year.

ENTER THE BEAUTY

Cindy arrived in August 1978, Joanne in September 1978, and Susie the following month.  Susie and a boyfriend took one of my dance classes at Stevens in October 1978.  I was stunned by her looks. A couple weeks later, she showed up in class without the boyfriend in tow. They had broken up. After talking with her, I realized she was just as smart as she was pretty. I am not sure, but Susie may have come back to look for me.  If so, it worked. We began to date immediately.

Susie's presence in my life had an immediate effect on Cindy, a fact I noticed quickly for its ominous implications. Almost from the start, Cindy set about trying to get rid of Susie, but it wouldn't be easy. Susie had a lot going for her, including being drop-dead beautiful.  But you don't know Cindy. It took Cindy about nine months of meddling to bring down this doomed romance. 

Our romance probably would have died a natural death anyway, but Cindy wasn't going to leave anything to chance.

TRIANGLE TWO: SUSIE/ RICK /CINDY

At first, Cindy pretended to be Susie's friend. I kept a journal which listed social events like dinner with Cindy and her husband in November, the first Disco Party at the Pistachio Club in December with all four of us, a Charades Party at Cindy's house in December, and going to Disco Dance Competitions as a threesome in January.

Then there were weekend Volleyball games organized by Cindy which involved the four of us, watching my dance teacher's Jazz Company perform at another Disco in February, plus many other less important occasions.

That is Susie on the left, Cindy beside her

Susie and I had a rocky January 1979 where we broke up for the first time. The moment Cindy saw we were having problems, she went for the kill by telling me what a good decision I had made. This was the point where Cindy's animosity came out in the open. She drove Susie nuts by interfering in our relationship. Susie was sick and tired of Cindy this and Cindy that.

But Susie was no fool. She could see there was an obvious reason for Cindy's constant presence in our lives - Cindy was developing a crush on me.

One day in May 1979, Susie and I had a huge fight. In retaliation, she called Cindy's husband on the phone and blew the whistle on Cindy's crush. At this point, nothing had happened between Cindy and me, but there was clearly lust in our hearts.

The husband had a fit. I had a fit. Cindy had a fit. Cindy and I joined forces to tell the husband that Susie was trying some desperate ploy out of insecurity.

Somehow I talked Susie and Cindy into meeting with each to iron out their differences.  What a joke.