"There is a Time for Playing it Safe and a Time for Risky Business" 

Chapter Five:  Blackmail!

1979 - The Year of Living Dangerously "In 1979, my life was always out of control whether I liked it or not."  Rick Archer MADAME X It was now September 1979. Each Saturday afternoon, I taught Disco lessons down in Clear Lake to a private group of seven couples. This was my favorite class of the week. This tight-knit group had been with me for over seven months.  They were my friends in addition to my students. I had great fun with them and they enjoyed me too. Thanks to their loyalty, we had an unbroken string of lessons dating back to the very start of 1979. That loyalty had paid off - under my guidance, several couples in the group had even won local dance contests. I took as much pride in this feat in as they did. The problem with the Clear Lake group is that now they were too good.   At this point, there weren't any easy moves left in the can.  I was forced to move on to the hard stuff or quit.  They didn't want to quit. I needed an acrobatics partner for the this week's class. So I asked Madame X to help me. In the past, when I needed a lady to demonstrate down in Clear Lake, I had asked Susie to help. This was the one night when she and I could get away from Cindy. But Susie was in the rear view mirror now. We had broken up in mid-July. In my hyper-accelerated life of 1979, two months was an eternity. For that matter, Joanne would have been perfect. But she had dropped out of sight four months ago. Cindy was not an option either. I don't remember why Cindy was not an option; I only remember that I had to find someone else.  Oddly enough, Clear Lake was the site of two very recent disasters for me. In late June 1979 I had talked Susie into entering a dance contest. Thanks to a bizarre accident, we failed miserably. Every one of these couples had been there to witness what had happened. This incident was so embarrassing that it served as the final breaking point in my relationship with Susie. Then in late July, Cindy had nearly been badly hurt when we had an accident during our performance down in Clear Lake at the Lighthouse. Again, each of the seven couples had been there to see this second shocking accident as well. Fortunately they realized that both accidents were not my fault. So their confidence in me never wavered.  Now as my next Clear Lake Saturday approached, I had told the group I would bring along a dance partner to help demonstrate the new advanced Disco acrobatics. The moves I was planning on teaching them were tough. Whoever I asked had to be pretty good.  My seven couples were in love with Disco. I had to find someone who was either just as good as the women in this group or even better. That was a tall order. I needed someone with ability. So my eyes went down the list of women in my advanced Acrobatics class at Stevens of Hollywood. The name of Madame X jumped out at me.  She was a phenomenal athlete. It turned out she was a competitive gymnast in high school until nature took its course and gave her curves.  The talent was clearly still there.  So were the curves, something I had noticed more than once during class.  In my opinion, this woman was the equal of both Cindy and Joanne in acrobatics despite having only half their experience. For one thing, Madame X was fearless. She simply wasn't afraid of getting hurt.  I had never met a woman with more confidence in her body.  She definitely had my respect! I barely knew this woman. Due to my never-ending wave of female-related misery throughout 1979, I had never once given Madame X more than a passing glance. For that matter, I was so burned out on women and the problems they caused, I honestly wasn't looking. For the last two months, Cindy had locked me up in non-stop negotiations about the future of our relationship.  Those negotiations were going nowhere.  Cindy wanted more reassurance and security. I had nothing to give her other than my word.  That wasn't good enough, so the status quo remained the same. That week after class, I asked my talented acrobat if she would mind helping.  She said sure. It sounded like fun.  So that Saturday we drove down together. It was the very first time I had ever spoken with this woman past the usual superficial "hi, hello, how are you, doing fine" stuff. Now as we drove down to Clear Lake, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself engaged in a delightful conversation with a very intelligent woman. I was so intrigued by her that I asked myself why I had never given her a second look at the studio. And that's when I turned my head to look at her.  I grinned. I realized I was unconsciously taking 'a second look'. She was definitely pretty.  Madame X was not quite in Cindy or Susie's league for looks.  They were both beauty queens - literally. But Madame X was very attractive. The main difference was that she was modest. She was not flashy. She did not draw eyes in the room to her because she was quiet. In that way she reminded me of Joanne, the Ice Queen who was practically invisible until she began to dance. And now as I appraised Madame X in her leotard, I realized she had a phenomenal figure. How had I missed this woman? I knew the answer to that one - I wasn't looking. But Susie was long gone now.  And my fascination with Cindy was long gone thanks to an entire shopping list of reasons. Now that the daily negotiations with Cindy had moved into the second month, I really wanted to be done with the whole mess.  Her constant whining - what should we do?, is this a mistake?, can you support me?, do you love me enough? - had the effect of driving me away.  At this point I had seen Cindy's Dark Side one too many times.  The lust I had once felt had magically disappeared when the whining started.  At one point Cindy had been my better half, but now she was much closer to being my bitter half. She was driving me nuts with jealousy, insecurity, indecision, and possessiveness. I wanted my freedom from her so badly it hurt. The words to a Carole King song kept repeating in my brain: "You look so unhappy, I feel just like a fool..."  I felt like a fool every day of the week. I had once been very fond of Cindy, but now I just wanted to find the exit door.  Unfortunately, my gratitude for the help she had given me over the past year gnawed at my conscience.  There were two Cindys.  I definitely wanted to be permanently rid of the bad Cindy.  I was beginning to doubt the good Cindy would ever return.  However, throughout our negotiations Cindy promised she would get her old self back once things were settled. I was having a hard time believing that.  Nevertheless, my business side told me I owed it to her to let her remain at the studio.  My personal side wished Cindy's evil twin would either let me have the old Cindy back again or just go away.   As Madame X and I drove down to Clear Lake, I reminded myself I was technically a free agent. Cindy assumed she had me locked up, but that was in her mind.  I didn't agree.  Cindy was married.  I wasn't.  As long as she was married, I was not committed.  All's fair in love and war. Cindy had her chance, but she who hesitates is lost. I had no idea what stroke of fortune had put this lovely woman in the seat next to me, but I knew at this very moment I was happier than I had been the entire year.  The evening with the Clear Lake group went well.  Madame X blew them away with her dance ability. I realized with a little training I had another Joanne Wilson on my hands.  This woman was not only the best athlete I had ever met, she could dance! I noticed something else that was special about this woman. Although Madame X certainly lacked Cindy's flash and dash or Susie's knockout looks and feminine wiles, that didn't matter one bit to my seven couples. I saw that the entire group really liked her!  This lady conducted herself in a highly professional way.  She communicated warmth and intelligence in everything she said. She was extremely precise in her suggestions. I realized this woman was the most "solid" human being I had been around in ages. She was pleasant and friendly throughout the evening. She was poised and graceful at all times.  Unlike Susie, she was not at all aloof.  Unlike Cindy, she didn't try to be the center of attention at all times either.  She helped every man with his leads and she showed every woman what she needed to know.  This woman made quite an impression not only on me, but the group as well.  After class, one of the older ladies in the group came over and grabbed me by the elbow.  She whispered, "This young lady is special!"  That's all she said.  I nodded.  I agreed with her. Madame X was indeed a very impressive young lady. I say "young" because she was 5 years younger. I was 29 at the time, she was 24. Madame X seemed like a Rock, an anchor to ground me against the swirling currents of my life. In 1979, my life was always out of control whether I liked it or not. I realized that I actually felt secure with her next me.  Now that was a new feeling indeed! Furthermore this lady didn't need for me to "support" her, Cindy's new favorite word.  Ms. X was an accountant. She made enough money not only to support herself, but probably to support me as well.  I frowned at that thought.  With Urban Cowboy coming, I was increasingly worried what I do if Disco got squashed by a buffalo stampede. I was in shock. I thought my heart was dead, but suddenly it started beating again. As we drove back to Houston that night, we continued to talk.  I liked her a lot!  To my pleasant surprise, I discovered the feeling was mutual. Madame X smiled and said she had a secret to tell me.  It turned out Madame X had been watching me for some time. I just didn't know it!  I thought I had made the first move by asking her to help me.  She laughed. She said she had been hanging around hoping I would notice her.  hmm. Madame X spent the night with me. I spent the next night with her.  A lightning bolt romance was fast developing. That is the story of how we began our ULTRA SECRET love affair.  After what had happened to Susie and Joanne, I intended to protect this woman's identity carefully. And that's exactly how Madame X wanted it too, although I did not realize at the time that Madame X had reasons of her of own to agree so readily. Our relationship intensified quickly.   Dinner With Madame X's Family On the Sunday of our third week together, I had dinner with her family. The dinner visit proved to be much more pleasant than I had anticipated.  Madame X seemed pleased to introduce me to her parents, a gesture that made me smile. She made a special point to bring me directly over to her father, a very warm man who greeted me with a handshake and a smile.  I recalled that Susie's father had barely said a word to me when I met him. I never met Cindy's father, but I remembered he called me a playboy.  In stark contrast, the father of Madame X genuinely seemed interested in me.  I was melting inside.  This warm reception from Madame X's family had touched me.  It had been a long time since I had felt respectable and decent.  The year-long problems with Joanne, Susie, and Cindy had done much to make me lose respect for myself. I had always believed I was an honorable person, but these days most of the time I felt like a schmuck. Her father and I hit it off.  He really seemed to like me.  While the family listened on, he and I carried the conversation.  Mostly it was a gentle interview of sorts.  I didn't mind.  These were kind people. If they wanted to get to know me, I would be honored to cooperate.  Madame X's father asked me one question after another. I told him what I was trying to accomplish with my dance program. He was very encouraging. He told me to stay with it.  He said I might have something more special there than I even realized myself. Her father seemed to like every answer I gave him.  He never criticized my story in any way, even the part where I told him how I had been thrown out of Graduate School in 1974.  He just nodded and smiled, especially when I admitted my professors may have been right all along.  It still hurt to admit that, but as my self confidence had risen during the Disco phenomenon, so had my acceptance of the past. The Dad said he was glad that I had found something I enjoyed (teaching).  He said it is rare in life to be able to make living at something you are skilled at and enjoy doing.  His last words of advice - Don't quit now. My eyes began to water. I was fighting back tears.  It had been a long time since I had someone of this man's caliber show respect for me and my unusual path.   As much as I appreciated this man's compliments, his words also caused me to ache. He made me realize how badly I needed someone's approval.  There was absolutely no one in my life to pat me on my back and give me encouragement.  I was doing all of this on my own. I did a quick flashback. In the five years since I had been thrown out of Graduate School, my self-esteem had taken quite a beating.  I had been stuck in a dead-end social work job unable to accomplish any good whatsoever.  I had been humiliated by my boss Mr. Stevens on a daily basis for my lack of dancing skills.  I had been nagged by Susie for wasting my time on a frivolous dance job.  More recently, I had been nitpicked to death by Cindy over how poorly I matched up against her talented husband Michael.  With negative influences like these, it was no surprise I had expected further disapproval. Au contraire. Here was a man who was impressed that I had graduated with honors from one of Houston's finest private high schools and had graduated with honors from a prestigious Eastern University.  Best of all, Madame X's Dad seemed to appreciate that I had created a business all of my own.  I was stunned by his acceptance of my job.  Are you kidding me?  You mean a dance teacher can be respectable?  That was the first time I had ever been complimented on dancing as a "profession".  Most people put Disco Dance Teacher on par with "Life Guard" or "Camp Counselor".  Even my own father admitted he expected me to lose my shirt.  For that  matter, my own mother questioned how I was going to make a living when I couldn't even dance.  In her opinion I was the worst natural dancer she had ever seen.  (no, I am not kidding; yes, that's my parents for you.) As my mind returned to the dinner table, I couldn't help but feel I had just gotten initial approval as a potential son-in-law. Wow! Throughout the dinner Madame X kept beaming at me. She was glad that her Dad liked me. She was proud of me. Oh my goodness. I was falling in love with her!  And her family too. Furthermore, where Cindy was concerned, I felt absolutely NO GUILT about my unexpected new love.  Cindy had been all talk and no action for two straight months. Her motto was: "Today is my day for firm decisions!  Or is it?" I was so tired of all this back and forth I wanted to scream!!  Enough already! I made a firm decision of my own. I wanted to make a complete commitment to Madame X.  Enough of this secret affair stuff. Let's bring her out in the open and tell the world I have a new girlfriend. As Madame X and I drove home after the dinner with her family, I told her that week I would have to put my armor back on and do further battle with Cindy.  I told Madame X I was sick of hiding her from Cindy. This coming week I was would tell Cindy what was going on. Madame X grabbed my hand and squeezed it.  She was very happy.

THE LEAP OF FAITH On a chilly morning in September 1979, Cindy and I met to continue our negotiations. Let the whining begin!!  You don't make enough money for me to feel confident.  How will I buy a car? What will I do about my kid?  What schools are near you? How will you support me?  What about health insurance? What will a weekly schedule look like?  How much money do you think I will make at the studio?  Cindy was scared to death.

When will this end?  For the past ten weeks we had been going back and forth over this same territory again and again and again.  Cindy had a serious case of cold feet.  And, as you might imagine, her condition was contagious.  I had a serious case of cold feet as well.  Today I was ready to tell her enough was enough.  Leaving her husband for me would never work so let's be real.

I realized I was not making enough money to guarantee her absolute financial security... as Cindy probably had realized as well.  Her husband's words came ringing back, "He can have you if he can afford you."

Her father's words came ringing back as well, "This man does not love you. Disco will be gone tomorrow, Dancing is a fad, and you are being used by a Playboy. He will never marry you."  Cindy's father thought I was a gigolo.

I was getting exasperated. Cindy was talking about getting married before we had even dated!  No wonder she was worried about making a huge leap of faith. I had a pretty big gulp in my throat too.  Cindy was starting to scare me.  As shaky as she was becoming, I had no intention of marrying her. 

This marriage talk was brand new.  The original plan was for Cindy to tell Michael she was going to move in with me, set up some kind of arrangement to take care of her daughter, and see what happened.  Now Cindy was talking marriage.  

Most people who get married grow closer one step at a time during courtship. I think in Cindy's mind she was preparing to swap one husband for another. This was a much bigger step than I had bargained for and I told her so.

Furthermore, I wasn't going to bullied into marrying someone!  Until the old Cindy returned, I wouldn't dream of marrying this person.  Heck, I barely recognized her.  Cindy had gone from the Blonde Bombshell to a Nervous Nelly.

Cindy was losing weight.  Her smile had become a perpetual frown.  She had become a nervous wreck.  All she did was worry... night and day, day and night. Does Rick love me?  How will he support me?  What will I do with my daughter?

Cindy's once great wellspring of energy at the studio had dwindled to a trickle. She couldn't care less about the studio right now.  For the past two months, Cindy had been so preoccupied with her "decision" as she called it that she hadn't contributed anything beyond the bare minimum of energy at the studio. I assumed this meant she didn't even care about the studio any more. 

Furthermore I had quietly taken note that the studio was still running just fine without her.  I realized I had grown as an instructor and a businessman to the point that I probably could make it work even without Cindy helping me.  The hardest trick in business is to get started.  We were well past that critical juncture.  Maybe it was time to throw away my crutch.

So during today's negotiations, I decided to change my tactics. 

THE WRATH OF A WOMAN SCORNED I told Cindy she didn't have to worry any more.  I realized that her marriage was too important. I had decided "to do the noble thing and back off".  I was shaking inside.  I had never said this before. As I expected, Cindy went ballistic.  She turned crimson red with anger!!  The only thing that saved me from instant death was that I had not mentioned Madame X.  Otherwise I would be dead now. Just my open-ended announcement was bad enough. Beware the wrath of a woman scorned... The transformation was instantaneous. holy smokes!  From the Helpless Sniveling Whiner, Cindy became the Snarling Tiger Woman!!  Cindy's claws came out and her face lit up with rage! "You stupid jerk!  After all I have done for you!!  Do you have one loyal, grateful bone left in your body?  You dump me now and your entire goddamn studio goes with it!"

Love is a fire.  But whether that fire is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. Cindy did not want to lose me.  Cindy did not want to lose the studio either. She said in very simple terms that if I ever crossed her, she would bring down my house. Cindy's threat worked instantly. I believed every word she said. If you had seen her expression, you would have believed her too. Having watched her destroy Joanne and Susie with one hand tied behind her back (being married), imagine what she could accomplish if she put her mind to it!! Cindy was one heck of an angry woman. She said she would start by calling every woman in the studio to tell them what I had done to her. Just the thought of her picking up the phone created a panic inside the likes of which I had never known before.  I got sick in my stomach with fear.

Cindy promised she would rip me apart if it was the last thing she did.  Cindy spelled it out for me.  She was so clear in her presentation that I assumed she had rehearsed this.  Cindy began by reminding me she had created the studio's mailing list. She said I knew that she kept updated copies.  Yes, I knew.  She would start by mailing a poison pen letter to 1,000 people on the mailing list. Always the consummate phone person, Cindy made sure to add people's phone numbers next to their name and mailing address. Cindy had the phone number of every key person at the studio. Using this phone list, Cindy had created her Circle of Friends, a group of women at the studio to whom Cindy was their unquestioned leader. I had seen the Circle of Friends weapon used before.  This was not a bluff. After the mail when out, for her next step, she would hit the phones and tell it like it is. If the person showed sympathy, she would invite them to lunch. "Meet me at such and such and don't forget to tell so and so to come join us.  That way I can tell all of you the whole story."

	Cindy said that would probably be enough, but if I pissed her off enough, for the final blow, she would show up in person at the studio in the middle of dance class. She would make a scene.  She would tell everyone in the place what a jerk I am.  And then, if she was in the mood, start crying for good effect. Cindy said from now on, I better watch my step.  If not, she would bring out the dirty laundry, spread the vicious rumors, and start throwing mud.  Let's see how far your brilliant dance career goes after I am finished with you.  Cindy's tirade had caught me off guard.  She had obviously planned this performance ahead of time and rehearsed her lines. Well, her surprise attack worked. I visibly paled.  Cindy had scared me to death.  My mind raced as I assessed whether Cindy was simply bluffing or completely serious.  My gut said "She is Serious".  I knew Cindy had the power to pull this off.  I also knew she was willing to fight dirty.  I had already seen it happen. The woman who builds my business can also reduce it to rubble.
Scorched Earth It was Cindy's charisma that had elevated my program to the next level.  But along the way there had been plenty of warnings. Now today Cindy's dark side had shown up in full force - Cindy threatened to tear down what she had built up if I ever crossed her. And she meant it. If she didn't like the way I treated her, she had no problems going scorched earth.  She was full of rage. When I say "rage", I can even begin to describe the energy behind Cindy's ultimatum.  Cindy had laid down the law. We were going to do things her way or she would burn me at the stake.

"Hello, Sally?  Yes, this is Cindy calling. You will not believe what Rick Archer did to me - he kicked me out of the studio!  After all I did for him, can you believe that?  I have been working tirelessly to build his business for a year and now he is showing me the door. Did you know I risked my marriage to help him?  Pretty soon, I am going to be divorced and out of a job. Furthermore I might even lose custody of my child if my husband works this Disco angle to his advantage. This job is the only job I have. What do you think about a guy like Rick who would let me bust my butt for a year and then turn around and say he doesn't need me any more.  A decent guy wouldn't do a thing like that to me, now would he? Rick doesn't respect me. The man is a jerk. He makes promises he doesn't keep. He takes advantage of people and uses them.  And worst of all, he used me and now that his classes are full, he doesn't think he owes me anything.  He should be ashamed of himself!. Do me a favor, Sally. Dancing's fun, but it's not really that important, now is it?  Why don't you drop your dance classes for a while. Or better yet, here's another place I found where you can take classes. It's actually a much more professional place than Rick's studio. And this new studio is so much more attractive than that dump where Rick teaches.  I think I may be teaching there soon.  They told me if I can bring some business over there, then they will make a spot for me.  Do you think you can help me teach that jerk Rick a lesson?"

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Okay, Readers, you are clearly into this story now. You could not possibly have read this far if you weren't interested.  Assume that Cindy's threat was serious. Put yourself in my shoes. What would you do? Are you going to defy Cindy and risk losing your good name and half your business?  Are you going to throw away the best business partner you ever had and start all over? Are you going to let two years of hard work and one incredible break after another go down the drain?  Opportunities like this don't come along very often. Are you going to accept her terms and stay on this runaway roller coaster ride to possible self-destruction or do you call her bluff? What about the new woman in Rick's life?  How much can Rick depend on her to help him through this crisis? Does Madame X care enough about Rick to face a storm of this magnitude after just one short month together?

Have you given it some thought?  Would you call her bluff?  Would you give Cindy reason to pick up the phone and destroy your reputation?  She was mad enough to do it!

Or would you assume her scorched earth threat was real and pay her price? 

You might have the guts to stand up to someone like that, but I didn't.  Cindy was threatening my child.  That's right... that's how it felt.  The studio was my child.  It was the best thing I had ever done in my life.  And now Cindy was willing to destroy it and she had the power to do it.

Cindy was right - dance classes can be set aside at the drop of the hat.  The whole ballgame is based on "fun".  When it isn't fun anymore, people head to the Exit Door. If Cindy destroyed my reputation, it might take a couple years to recover my good name.  I did not want two years of hard work to go down the drain.

A lot of these people were ready to stop dancing anyway.  Thanks to Urban Cowboy, Disco was beginning to fade anyway.  Many of the Disco people said they had no desire to learn Western.  I had no idea what direction I would take when the movie hit.  I honestly didn't know if I would have a job any more as it stood, but if I had to deal with scandal and shame as well, that would probably be the end of it for me.

The momentum at the studio had been created on good will and a good reputation. If people thought I was treating Cindy unfairly, she was bound to win any PR war.  Quitting dance class would be a pretty simple way to protest.

Oddly enough, it never occurred to me to counter-threaten. Cindy had just as much to lose as I did.  She came after my kid; why not go after her kid?

I could have told her I would go straight to her husband Michael and destroy what little marriage she had left. I could lie and tell her husband we had sex many times.  Susie had accused us of that exact thing back in May, so it wouldn't take much to get him to believe me. Then I could offer to help him get full custody of their kid. Cindy would have gone out of her mind!

Whether I would have followed through on my threat is unlikely, but I am a good actor.  Just the threat might have worked.  Underneath Snarling Tiger Woman beat the heart of the Helpless Sniveling Whiner.  One good threat and I bet Cindy would have folded like a wet rag.

Nasty stuff.  That said, the thought never even crossed my mind. I give you my word. This is just me idly speculating from 30 years down the road.

However, that wasn't the way I played the game. I decided to do things her way because I was consumed with guilt.  No matter what Cindy said to my face, I had a conscience.  Cindy was right in many ways.  I was in her debt.  She had risked her marriage to help me build my career.  She had further risked her marriage when I invited her to discuss moving in with me shortly after Susie's demise.  She was out on a limb now thanks to me.  She had every right to be frightened.  She was facing the possibility of losing her husband and me at the same time. 

In addition, I completely agreed the studio was her baby too.  I may have gotten it started, but at this point we were taking turns changing the diapers.  It was her studio too.  I wasn't going to take it away from her by force.

It would have made my life much easier if Cindy was willing to part gracefully and go back to her husband permanently.  However, that wasn't what Cindy wanted to do.  What Cindy wants, Cindy gets.

Cindy's year of hard work at the studio guaranteed her the right to keep her job. Too bad it had to be the Evil Cindy and not the Good Cindy, but I had made my bed and now I had to lay in it.

In the meantime, I had to think this over.  Today Cindy had threatened to destroy my business if I withdrew from our love affair.   Cindy wanted to keep alive her option of moving in with me and getting married.  Mind you, we hadn't even had sex.  Mind you, now that I was being blackmailed, I didn't even like the woman any more.  For that matter, I had a secret lover I could see myself marrying.

Have you ever heard anything more ridiculous in your life?  I shook my head at the sheer incredulity of this situation.  I was basically hostage to this woman.  I decided my best move was to play along and see what developed... in other words, keep doing the exact same thing I had been doing for the PAST TWO AND A HALF MONTHS. 

"Okay, Cindy, I care about you a lot. I remain convinced it is in your best interests to stay with Michael, but we will do this your way. It is your decision what to do about your marriage, not mine. But I have a favor to ask.  I can't take this limbo much longer. When will you decide what you want to do about our relationship?" 

"Michael isn't ready yet. He isn't strong enough. He says he needs me. Give us some more time. Don't rush this thing, Rick. This is a very important decision for me. I don't want to make a mistake."  OMG... it was the return of the Helpless Sniveling Whiner!  How many personalities does this woman have?

Oh well. Here we go again. "Today is my day for firm decisions!  Or is it?"

Risky Business. Or should I say Dirty Risky Business?

"In 1979, my life was always out of control whether I liked it or not."  Rick Archer

I TELL MADAME X THE BAD NEWS

After dance class that night, I told my new girlfriend the story. She paled visibly.

"I would hate to cross swords with that woman."

I nodded ruefully in agreement.  I was sick to my stomach and totally cheerless.

That night, I gave her some advice - don't come to class tomorrow night. In fact, don't come to the studio ever again until.  Stay out of sight.

Over the past year I had learned one very good lesson - Don't tell Cindy anything!  I gave Madame X a run-down on why she needed to stay off of Cindy's radar. She nodded grimly and said she understood.


NOW WHAT DO I DO??

Cindy's Blackmail Threat had paralyzed me. My clear choice of action was to take no action. I had no choice but to sit tight and let Cindy sort it out.

During Cindy's confession of love for me back in May, she said she wanted to SOMEDAY move in with me and do the studio full time.  She believed her marriage was over. That was the good Cindy, the cheerful Cindy, the sweet Cindy I was talking to that day. I was very fond of the Cindy that was speaking to me.

Susie had left my life in July.  Therefore, once Susie was gone, I went to Cindy and said if this was something she wanted to do, this was a good time to talk about it.  At this point, we had developed strong feelings for each other based on the past eleven months. 

I am not proud of myself that I went to Cindy, a married woman, and announced I was now available for her.  However I will say a few words in my defense.  Cindy started this!  During her love confession in May, Cindy had said her marriage was numb, that she and her husband were just going through the motions, that he didn't want her any more, they were really little more than 'just friends now'. 

There was enough evidence laying around for me to assume she was telling the truth!  After all, the woman was at the studio four nights out of seven.  She barely saw Michael anymore. Her behavior had turned her husband into a glorified baby sitter and that was a fact.

What kind of husband lets his wife behave like this?  My conclusion was: a husband that doesn't care.  That is why I assumed that Cindy was telling the truth when she said her marriage was over.

I would never dream of stealing another man's wife. 

On the other hand, if he didn't want her, I sure did!  Following the old proverb "one man's meat is another man's poison", I took Cindy's word that she and her husband had grown in different directions and didn't want the same things any more. 

It was under this context that I told Cindy I was willing to talk it over and see what was best for both of us. 

July had become the first negotiating month for Cindy.  August had become the second negotiating month for Cindy. During these two months, a different Cindy emerged.  Not the evil Cindy, mind you, but the scared Cindy. Once Cindy began contemplating leaving her secure life for my risky life, she developed a serious case of cold feet.
 

Superstition Oddly enough, just when you think this story can't possibly get any weirder, it got weirder. Right in the midst of our negotiations, two very bizarre events occurred. In July 1979, Cindy and I were hired to perform at debut of the Lighthouse, a beautiful new Disco down in the Clear Lake area.  Right in the middle of our dance performance with hundreds of people watching and clapping, a ceiling fan barely clipped Cindy's toes as she stood upside down on top of my shoulders.  Cindy was knocked off balance and went plummeting to the floor face first.  Only a miraculous lightning spin and catch on my part prevented a very serious accident from taking place. Cindy had missed either paralysis or having her face smashed to pieces by little more a nanosecond. It was that close of a call. Cindy was deeply spooked by this accident.  She wondered if it was a message from God that maybe Rick wasn't the right guy for her.  Cindy remembered the story of Susie's strange accident just five week previous.  Furthermore, Cindy was well aware of the horrible experience I had suffered performing at the Ritz in June 1978 just two months before she met me. When seen alone, the Lighthouse accident was just a serious incident.  However, when paired with my two previous problems, that made THREE bad accidents.  To Cindy, "Three" was an evil number.  Cindy began to believe I might be jinxed.  Fear does funny things to people's brains.  Before the accident, I was innocent of any mistakes.  However, now that Cindy was on the receiving end of danger, the Lighthouse incident turned her against me.  In every conversation after this, Cindy would bring up my three accidents.  I had gone from a clean slate to three strikes overnight.  Lucky me.

Cindy couldn't seem to shake her increasing sense of fear.  It wasn't that she didn't trust me, but it was hard to overlook that she had this scary near miss. Maybe she wouldn't be quite as lucky when the next accident happened.   Something was wrong here.  This was about the time Cindy said that maybe I really did have some sort of "dance curse". 

One month later, lighting struck again.  This time we were performing at Foley's downtown.  Thanks to a slippery pair of Disco pants that Cindy had bought for the occasion, Cindy slipped right through my arms and went flying across the dance floor. Fortunately, her hands were free to protect her face when she made the inevitable crash landing. 

Like the last time, on the surface this accident was not my fault, but in the back of Cindy's mind, it was my fault because it was further evidence that I had a dance curse hanging over me.  Cindy was even more convinced than before that I was jinxed.  Unfortunately, I was beginning to believe her myself.

Star-Crossed Lovers! Despite these two accidents, Cindy continued our negotiations.  However, now she was forced to factor in her increasing suspicion that I was jinxed.  Then she wondered if she was jinxed.  Maybe my jinx was contagious and she had caught the virus. What if we were both jinxed?  These morbid thoughts led to another dark thought.  What if Rick and Cindy were star-crossed lovers!? That particular thought shook Cindy up badly.  For a woman who already had a serious case of cold feet, these two bad omens weighed heavily on her mind.  Now she had even more to worry about.

Ironically, despite Cindy's best efforts to avoid my Dance Curse, there was yet a third accident.  It didn't help Cindy's deteriorating frame of mind one bit that she nearly took a woman's hand off with an inadvertent karate chop to the neck.  In September 1979, right in the middle of our regular dance performances on Sunday evenings at Annabelle's, Cindy threw out her right hand to hit a dance position known as the Explosion.  Well, it was an explosion all right.  While Cindy was looking at me over her left shoulder, her right hand snapped right into a spectator's throat on the edge of the floor.  In a horrible desperate gasp for breath, the woman keeled over and collapsed to the floor.  I swear, Cindy hit her so hard in such a vulnerable spot that when I saw it happen, I actually worried that Cindy had killed her!

Fortunately, the woman wasn't dead.  For that matter, she wasn't seriously hurt either.  But for three terrifying minutes, the woman coughed and gasped and choked trying to get her breath back while she lay on the floor. It was pretty gruesome viewing.

Cindy of course was mortified.  Except for the times when she was the Snarling Tiger Woman, Cindy would never hurt a fly. Cindy died a thousand deaths watching this poor woman squirm for air.  Even though the woman finally recovered and got up to much applause, Cindy was in shock.  After apologizing profusely to the woman, Cindy ordered me to get her out of this place immediately.

Cindy had had it.  We would never perform again.  Not here nor anywhere else.  Even though the karate chop was her fault, it was really my fault.  I had a Dance Curse hanging over me!  Cindy refused to have anything more to do with performing in public.  Our days as "dance partners" were over.

I have written extensively about these three strange accidents.  If you are curious to read more, be my guest.  Superstition
 

Car Talk September 1979 marked the third month of our negotiations.  I remember September as our "talking in the car month".  Two or three nights a week, Cindy and I would spend a couple hours in the car talking it all over after dance class. Believe me, it wasn't nearly as romantic as the picture suggests.  I remember feeling claustrophobic, probably because I was tired of being captive to Cindy's mental meanderings for hours on end.  Why the car?  Previously Cindy and I would usually negotiate at La Madelaine after our morning private dance lesson with Glen. In September, that came to an end.  Cindy decided to call off the private lessons.  Thanks to some threats Michael had made, she felt a need to stay closer to her daughter during the day.  Considering Cindy still taught at the studio three nights a week, I thought that was an odd thing for her to say. I spent a lot of time trying to read Cindy's mind. This time I suspected she called off the lessons because she didn't want to perform any more.  The first two accidents had weighed heavily on her mind.  The karate chop thing at Annabelle's was the final straw.  I may have had a dance curse on me, but it was her neck that seemed to be in danger, not mine.  In this case, blaming things on her husband was likely Cindy's face-saving reason to avoid more dance performances.

Now that our usual negotiating opportunity during the day was removed, we switched to nights.

September was also the month I began lying to the woman.  I was keeping not one, but two major secrets from Cindy. 

The first secret of course was the presence of Madame X in my life.

Somehow Cindy sensed something was going on.  She wasn't sure though.  I tell you the woman was uncanny!!  Cindy began to suspect if there was another woman in the picture. Either she had ESP or she sensed that my growing loss of interest in these negotiations signaled the presence of another woman.  Cindy had woman's intuition in abundance.   Cindy had long worried that a replacement for Susie might sneak in behind her back. Cindy was operating under a handicap. If I wanted to "cheat on her" as she referred to it, Cindy was at a real disadvantage.  She was at the studio maybe two or three nights a week. Then I saw her maybe one night on the weekend depending on the moon. Her days were occupied with raising her daughter and talking on the phone to her Circle of Friends.  Cindy simply could not roam the studio 24/7 to keep an eye on me.  Nor were there cell phones in those days to tether me. Nor could she drive to my house at night to spy on me... Keep in mind the woman was MARRIED!  What do you suppose her husband would say to that stunt?  "Gosh, Cindy, where are you going at 1 am?  Are you going to check on Rick again?  Drive safely!" Nevertheless, I didn't put it past her to check on me anyway. To be on the safe side, I spent the majority of my time at Madame X's apartment over in the Galleria. Cindy knew there were women everywhere in those days smiling at me.  Plus she was beginning to suspect I wanted "Out" of the relationship, but I just wouldn't admit it (believe me, I was working up to it!).  Furthermore Cindy could sense something had changed.  I was becoming more distant.  Finally Cindy couldn't take it any more.  One night during "Car Talk", Cindy bluntly asked me if I was seeing someone. I had hoped this wouldn't come up, but wasn't surprised when it did. I lied to her and said no. Cindy frowned and furrowed her brow. She KNEW.  Don't ask me how, but she knew without knowing.  The woman was a witch!!  I was starting to fear she had magic powers.

A NEW SURPRISE

For the month of September 1979, I was in chains when it came to the studio, but I had my freedom where Madame X was concerned. As long as I kept her presence in my a life a secret, I figured we were safe.

After Cindy read me the Riot Act in late September, now I began to worry.  Under the conditions of Cindy's newest ultimatum, Madame X was now off limits.  I wasn't going to cooperate, of course, but that definitely ratcheted up the pressure to keep things a secret.

When I would drive to her apartment at night, I watched to see if I was being followed.  That's how paranoid I felt. 

About this time, my phone started to ring at home at midnight or one in the morning.  I refused to answer it.  If I answered the phone the nights I was home, Cindy would ask why I hadn't answered it on the nights I was with Madame X. 

Cindy wasn't stupid.  She insisted I start picking up my phone.  I said no.  I told her I knew it was Cindy checking up on me and that I resented her behavior.  Cindy grew wide-eyed.  I was starting to show a backbone and she didn't like it one bit.

I could see Cindy was getting more desperate.  I knew damn well she wasn't going to call the "Circle" just because I didn't answer my phone. So I stood my ground. I said I wasn't going to start answering my phone at night until Cindy stopped threatening me.

Unfortunately, that's all Cindy did these days - Threaten Me. I hadn't seen Sugar Cindy in a long time.  The Evil Cindy felt her blackmail threat of Studio Destruction was the only way to control me. However, like any resistance fighter in an occupied country, I found that deception allowed me to get around her threats fairly easily.  After all, Cindy simply couldn't keep tabs on me.

Yes, if I was caught, the stakes were high.  But Madame X was that important to me.  I also knew that, unlike Susie and all her boyfriends, I wasn't stupid enough to get caught.

Cindy knew my defiance on the phone issue meant trouble.  Thanks to my increasing backbone, Cindy grew more worried.  About a week after Riot Act I, Cindy read me the Riot Act AGAIN.  This time Cindy took a different approach - during one of our "Car Talks", she accused me of seeing someone!

Nothing Cindy said surprised me any more.  However I was taken aback at the certainty in her voice.  Did she know something?

Putting on my best poker face, I smiled and said she was being ridiculous.  What was this all about?  Cindy replied she had called me five times last night and I didn't answer once.  In truth, I didn't hear it ring once.  That was because I spent the night with Madame X.  However I didn't think it was wise to tell Cindy that.  Instead I reminded her I refused to answer the phone at night.  I was a grown man.  I didn't like being supervised.  What made her think I was her property?

Cindy replied she was certain I was up to something.  She could feel it in her bones!  The next time this happened, she was going to get in her car and drive over. 

To her face, I said go right ahead.  Inwardly, I said, "Oh shit."  I wouldn't put it past her to do just that, husband or no husband.

After Cindy was through with me, I drove directly to Madame X's house... looking in my rear view mirror the entire way.  Cindy had shaken me up pretty good. 

"Tell me this again. You are engaged?"

"Yes.  But I am having second thoughts"

That's nice to know.

"Where's your engagement ring?"

"I don't wear it in Houston.  In fact, at work they don't even know I am engaged.  Otherwise I probably wouldn't have been hired."

"How long have you been engaged?"

"Oh, about a year."

"Who is he?"

"He is a guy I started dating in high school.  We went to college together, but we didn't go steady.  We dated other people, then in my senior year we came back together.  He is finishing up grad school while I work here in Houston.

I don't love him or at least I don't think I love him.  I am very fond of him and I know he would be a great father and family man."

I winced to myself. That sounded like something Cindy would say about her own husband.  I was beginning to feel like a mistress.  Why did all these married/engaged woman want to use me to cheat?  And while we were at it, what's the word for a 'male mistress'?

Mastress? Misteress?  Manstress?  Manstress, hmm... that had to be it... a Man in Stress.  That would be me.

"What makes you think you don't love him?"

"Well, you for one. I cannot imagine someone like you coming into my life if the door wasn't wide open. Plus there have been some other guys here in Houston, but no one quite like you.  You terrify me."

"I have a question. I have been seeing you for one month. What took you so long to tell me?"

"I kept hoping either you or Cindy would make up your mind. If you decided to dump me, then I wouldn't have to tell you."

I actually had a small laugh at that one.  Gallows humor, you know.

Madame X started to cry.  Unfortunately I had turned ice cold to deal with my misery.  I was unable to offer her much comfort.

So much for my "Rock".  The irony was inescapable.  My Rock had just turned into quicksand.  I visualized myself being thrown from wave to wave by the savage currents of Life.  Now I knew how Joanne felt when I told her I had decided to go back to Susie - kicked in the gut. 

There had to be Karma of some sort working here.  Every direction I turned, I was getting punished for something.  My indiscretion with Joanne had backfired, Susie used her boyfriends to hurt me, The Dance Curse, the Blackmail Threat, Cindy's three months of indecision... and now the new love of my life had announced she was strongly considering going back to her fiancé. 

There had been one single ray of hope keeping me going through the Cindy Ordeal and that was Madame X. Now that was gone. I couldn't take much more of this.  Was there one single woman on earth who came without baggage?   Apparently not the pretty ones, that's for sure.

Another question popped into my mind.

"What was that stuff about introducing me to your family?"

"For a while, my fiancé and I decided to back off.  I was free to see whomever I wanted. My parents knew the story."

Unbelievable. Her father knew all about the other man.  That brought up another question.

"If your father knew about your fiancé, why was he so nice to me?"

"Dad could tell I preferred you.  I think he preferred you too.  You are a lot more interesting than anyone else I have ever introduced to him."

That was the strangest way to get a compliment I could remember.

"Well, why aren't you a free agent this very minute? What has changed?"

"When I saw the expression on your face when you told me what Cindy threatened to do (the blackmail threat), I saw how afraid you were. I believe you have too much to lose by defying her.  That scared me.  I thought it was likely I could lose you to her. 

That is when I lost a lot of confidence in the future of this relationship.  I gave my fiancé a call the next day.  We had a very long talk. He wants to try again. I agreed to drive up and talk some more."

Aha, the Susie technique.  Whenever Cindy gets the upper hand, call an old boyfriend or find a new one.

1979 was definitely my year to learn everything there was to know about Sexual Politics... the hard way.  The question was whether this was an Intermediate level lesson or something more Advanced.  My money was on "Advanced".  Nothing could possibly hurt much worse than this.

I began shaking inside. What was the Cosmic Limit on the number of headaches a guy could take in one year without flipping his lid??  Had I reached my limit?  It wouldn't take much more.

Then another question occurred to me.

"When are you going to see him again?"

"Funny you should ask. I am scheduled to drive up there this weekend. He said he wanted to talk face to face. I'm not quite sure what's up."

"That's why you decided to tell me, right?"

"That's one of the reasons, yes. I assumed you would notice I wasn't here."

"What's the other reason?"

"This stuff with Cindy is starting to get under my skin."
 

Shades of Susie. I winced to myself. Where had I heard that before?  Cindy was about to eliminate another one without even knowing about her.  Madame X was totally intimidated.  I don't think she was used to confrontations with Snarling Tiger Women who ate men like me for pleasure.

"This trip you are going to take, what do you think he wants?"

"If I had to guess, I would say he wants to try again.  I think he is going to ask us to set a date."

"What are you going to say?"

"I don't know. I'll have to see how I feel. I just don't know. I think he and I are more friends than anything else."

"Are you going to go?"

"Of course I am. After all, I'm technically engaged."

Heartsick, I let myself out the door.  We both had some crying to do... I preferred to do mine in private.  When I got home, the phone rang.  My heart leaped with hope that it was Madame X... but then I decided it was Cindy so I ignored it.  What a world.  I can't even cry in peace.

I REVIEW MY NEGOTIATING STRATEGY

Now that I was faced with the definite possibility of losing Madame X, my new love, I was feeling pretty desperate. This waiting game with Cindy was becoming agony.  I was dead inside.  Numb from too much pain.  Each night I showed up for dance class like a zombie. I wasn't hungry. Now I was losing weight too. I felt nauseous all day long.  Adding to the pressure, I was hiding yet another important secret from Cindy, one we will get to soon enough.  I had so much on my mind I could barely stand it any more.

Pain has a way of making people do stupid things.  It had been about a week and a half since Cindy made her Blackmail Threat which led to Madame X contacting her ex-fiancé.  Days later came Riot Act I.  One week after Riot Act I came Riot Act II which led to Madame X confessing not only the existence of another man in the picture, but an upcoming weekend visit to see him as well.  This was all happening so fast. 

I just couldn't take the pain any more.  I had to get Cindy to make up her mind one way or the other so my hands could be free to win Madame X back. The thought of losing her was too much too bear... which in a way was the same thing Cindy was feeling towards me.

Cindy thought she was losing me too.  She could feel it in her bones.

I wrote a memo to myself that said:

"Cindy makes up her mind Monday. She is welcome to consult everyone she knows. She either leaves her home AND moves in with me OR I want her to leave my life till circumstances permit a return."

Well, now isn't that fine and dandy?  Anyone who watches basketball knows that after halftime the announcers tell their audience that the home team is coming out of the locker room determined to impose their will on the other team and emerge victorious in the second half.  What the home team announcers fail to mention to the viewing audience is that the OTHER TEAM plans to do the exact same thing.

Just because I wanted Cindy to make a move didn't guarantee Cindy would roll over and let me have my way. What Cindy wants, Cindy gets.  Had I forgotten that?

I felt panicky. Another man had the inside track on the attention of Madame X.

How was I supposed to win the heart of Madame X with a ticking time bomb like Cindy attached to my ankle?? 

I had no idea how this crazy ride going to end, but I couldn't take much more of this. I made my decision.  It was time to roll the dice.  Tomorrow I was going to tell Cindy about Madame X and ask for my freedom.

"There is a Time for Playing it Safe and a Time for Risky Business" 

Chapter Six:  U-TURN