Chapter Two of The Story of Rick and Marla’s Wedding Aboard the
Ship
“Some Women Have Perfect Weddings.
I Had An Oops Wedding.”
Wedding Day Sunday
at Home
As I awoke at 6 am Sunday morning, I leapt out of bed and
began packing some more. I separated my luggage into two categories:
Carry-on and Check-in. Marla had carefully explained that whatever I needed
to wear for the wedding should go in the Carry-On luggage.
I stared at the luggage for a while. What have I
forgotten? My tuxedo is in the carry-on. My tuxedo shirt is in the
carry-on. I knew I was missing something. The tie and cummerbund!! I ran
to another suitcase, pulled out the box and put it with carry-on. Good.
That was done.
So I turned my attention to the other details like turning
off air-conditioners, locking doors, food and water for the dogs, suspending
my newspaper, etc. There is so much to keep track of I have actually
developed a checklist.
In the meantime there were a zillion people to keep track
of: my daughter Sam, Marla’s daughter Marissa, Marla’s brother Larry, sister
in law Roz, their daughter Shira, my Aunt Lynn, Marla’s brother Neil and
sister in law Ellen, and my mother Mary. They were asking a million
questions and my mind was whizzing everywhere.
Then came the bombshell. My
wonderful Aunt Lynn had flown in from
McLean, Virginia, the day before. I was so happy to see her! But now
early on Sunday morning, Lynn pulled me aside. “Rick, I am so worried! I
can’t find my passport!” Uh oh.
Complicating the problem was the fact that her documents
were a thousand miles away. It was very early Sunday morning and we were
LEAVING in one hour. There was no time to squirm.
It was parachute time - Jump and
hope the chute opens. The one thing I could NOT do was tell Marla.
Both Lynn and I completely agreed on that.
Marla was a nut case. Marla is a
worrier by nature, but now she was so worried about so many
things she could not see straight. She was out of her mind with anxiety.
Something told her that there were too many
things that could go wrong. In other words, she had premonitions
that something was bound to happen.
Ding Dong. The doorbell rang. Sam ran to get it. It was
Gary Richardson, his lovely wife Betty, and George Grega, the man
who was
instrumental in the success of our Beach Ball Party a month earlier. George
was nice enough to loan us his truck to carry a D-Day quantity of luggage down to the ship.
Ding Dong. This time it was Mara, Marla’s best friend
with the exasperating near-identical name.
Mara was to be a key player in the day’s drama. She
single-handedly stayed at Marla’s side all morning long calming the frantic
woman down. Without Mara’s strength, I believe the wedding
ceremony may have required
a padded room.
Ding Dong. It was Marla’s brother Neil and his wife Ellen.
They had been staying at a nearby hotel and arrived to
join the caravan.
Ding Dong. This time it was George Sargent, aka Mr. Handsome from
the Mardi Gras Cruise Trip. Somehow after all the terrible things I said
about him in that story he had managed to forgive me. He was here to lend
support and give a ride to Lynn and Mary.
The Drive Down
Finally the
whole gang was here. We were 30 minutes behind schedule, but I knew we had
enough time to drive down and arrive exactly at 10:30 as planned.
We drove five cars down to Galveston. Marla and I were in the lead. Marissa
used her car to take Sam and Shira with her. Neil and Ellen took Larry
and Roz with them. George took Mara, Mary, and Lynn with him. George Grega
took Betty and Gary with him.
Marla was a nervous wreck during the drive down. She was worried sick that something
would go wrong. Over and over she wailed, "What did I forget?
What am I missing? We're going to be late!" As I sat there nursing the secret about Lynn's missing
passport, I wasn't feeling too hot myself.
It took us 45 minutes to get to Galveston. As I predicted we arrived
at the pier right on time at 10:30 am with only one small problem.
Although the Rhapsody was in plain view within walking distance, it took us
another 30 minutes to drive the last
half-mile!!
Royal Caribbean shares the pier with Carnival. You have to go through the
Carnival section to get to the Rhapsody. Something was terribly wrong with the Carnival ship's arrival system
because the traffic was horrendous. With the Rhapsody in perfect view, we
just sat there unmoving behind an endless line of cars trying to get to Carnival.
The Galveston police were making it even harder for us by giving all cars
coming from the parking lot priority. Dozens of cars kept cutting in
front of us as we waited behind an uncaring security guard. Marla was screaming with frustration!
Madness in the Terminal
We finally we made it to Rhapsody terminal but now we were 30 minutes behind
schedule. I parked the car in the lot. I saved time by skipping waiting for the shuttle.
Instead I ran back to the ship just
to save time. The scene in the terminal was a madhouse.
I was pleased to see
all our friends who had driven down to be part of our wedding: Sharon
Crawford and
Bill Shaw, Joe Lachner and Patty Harrison, Mike and Trisha Fagan, Tom and Margaret
Easley, Marty and Adele Raber, MG
and Gay Anseman, Marlies Whitmoyer and Shane Young, Carl and Margaux Mann, plus my friend Paul Foltyn.
They were all beaming with big smiles and hugs. Bathed in their
encouragement, for a brief moment I entertained the thought that maybe this
would work out okay after all.
I was immediately snapped back to reality. The lady in charge of the wedding
aboard the ship announced my daughter Samantha would not be
allowed to enter the ship.
What?
It seems I had forgotten to bring her
birth certificate. Marla and I immediately pointed fingers at each other.
'You forgot the document!' 'You never told me I needed it!' 'Did too.'
'Did not!'
Due to 9/11 regulations, the ship is forced to do an identity check on
people simply boarding for the two-hour wedding ceremony. Apparently
wedding receptions are closely watched to prevent an Al Quaida operative
from sneaking aboard. I knew
dangerous people like Mike Fagan and MG Anseman would be heavily scrutinized.
Just one look at them and anyone would be suspicious!! (Don't tell
anyone, but I was secretly happy to know that Homeland Security was investigating
both of
them!)
But it hadn't dawned on me that Samantha needed an ID too. Up till now she
has been relatively harmless. This was
ridiculous.
They asked me if I had a picture of her in my wallet. No, but I told them they could go see us on
the Internet together. This didn't work. The picture on the Internet might be a fake!
"Well, so could the picture in my wallet!" I replied. They didn't like that
answer.
Did she have a student ID? No. Did I have any proof that she
existed? I had several choice things to say, but decided to hold my
tongue for a change.
Finally they discovered the needed document - Sam produced her SSQQ ID card. Did it have her picture? No. But it had her name! Proof enough.
The absurdity of the moment crossed my mind.
30 witnesses were not enough proof for these bozos, but an SSQQ ID card with
her name on it was perfect. Unbelievable.
I knew Samantha would eventually be allowed on. Don't ask me how I knew, I
just did.
I never once took them seriously. I was much more worried about Aunt Lynn. Compounding my fear was the fact that
she had not even appeared yet! She and my mother had driven down
with George Sargent. George did not have a cell phone. We had been in the terminal
for 25 minutes and there was still no sign of them. Now we were being asked to
board the ship. Where were they? How was I supposed to get on the ship knowing that
Aunt Lynn didn't have her passport??
Finally George, Mary, and Lynn showed up. I had bypassed the shuttle by
walking, but George didn't have that option. His bus had gotten stuck behind the
Carnival traffic in a way that slowed him up much worse than the rest of us.
Lynn went to check in. The customs and immigration agent immediately told
her there was NO WAY she could get on that ship without her passport. Her
Virginia driver's license was a nice start, but not good enough. Her social
security number was nice, but where was a document to prove she hadn't just
made this number up?
I was really getting angry, but said nothing. I asked Tom Easley at what
point should I turn off the nice guy act and revert to my true self. He said
'not yet'. So I behaved.
The poor woman was now in tears. Prone to an over-active guilty conscience
by nature, Lynn was deeply upset. The tears began to show. She was so
frustrated at losing that passport!
I was exasperated. Without revealing Lynn's age, let's just say that as a
grandmother several times over, she does not have a particularly threatening
demeanor. Lynn is pretty, smiles a lot, is very warm and outgoing, and does
not at first glance appear to be a terrorist threat.
I did not know what the outcome would be. I knew these people could be
tough. For example, a very lovely Chinese woman in our group had been denied
entry on our Jubilee trip the year before due to some expired paperwork. Her
new paperwork was somewhere in the mail, but this wasn't good enough. She
was literally left standing in the terminal as our ship sailed away. I knew
it was possible this could be Lynn's fate as well.
It wasn't looking good.
The customs man refused to bend. She could not board. He stuck to his
guns firmly. A rule is a rule. My friend Margaux Mann began to try her
impressive persuasive powers on the gentleman. If anyone could change his
mind, she could. Meanwhile I considered bringing the entire
wedding party over. I figured each person could take turns arguing until we
overwhelmed the guy.
Suddenly without warning they announced that Lynn was free to join us.
No explanation was given. Magically Lynn was released to go. She could
come aboard the ship and take her cruise.
I was suspicious. This looked like a charade to me. Why all the tough
talk?? Why no explanation as to what changed their mind? They
had been adamant for over 15 minutes that there was NO WAY THEY WOULD BEND
THE RULES, but now by some miracle she was free to board. My brow
furrowed. It was as if someone had a 15 minute stop watch. They would harass
the woman and make her miserable for 15 minutes as punishment, but when the
time was up she was free to go. Since we were in a hurry, I decided not to press for an
explanation. Instead I accepted the good news and kept my mouth shut. But this
entire affair had left me deeply suspicious.
At this point, I figured the coast was clear.
Little did I know as I boarded the ship that the worst was still to come.
You don't believe me? Well, read on and decide for yourself.
Getting Ready on board the Ship
Marla had gone ahead of me to get her
hair fixed on board the ship. I stayed behind to carry on about 8 different
pieces of luggage. Now the wedding party boarded as a group.
The first clue I had that all was not right came when I got to my room and
realized my tuxedo was missing. I had to go all the way back to the
terminal. Imagine the sigh of relief I experienced when I saw my suit bag
hanging there all by itself right where I had left it. Another ten
minutes went down the drain, but it could have been worse. The morning had
left me so drained.
As I got dressed, Mara knocked on the door. I let her in so she could wait
to help Marla get dressed. Actually I was glad to have her there. She helped
me put on my tie, something I have never quite figured out how to do myself.
I took one look in the mirror. Perfect! Except for one thing - what
bag had I put my dress shoes in??
Oh no. I had forgotten to pack my shoes! All I had were my
basketball shoes with me! I knew immediately there was no way I could
get to my luggage. It was in a giant storage area with a thousand other
suitcases awaiting sorting.
Mara suggested we call the desk. No luck. The largest shoe they had was two
and a half sizes too small. What was my next option? I
immediately had the answer. Paul Foltyn!! At 6' 3", he is even taller
than I am.
So I put on my basketball socks and went upstairs to the Disco in search of
Paul. Bless his heart, he did not hesitate to share his shoes with me.
Unfortunately his shoes were too big for me. This wasn't a problem for me,
but it meant Paul could not put on my basketball shoes! The poor man
had to spend the rest of the wedding walking around in my socks.
Why didn't he walk around in his own socks? Because I was wearing
those too. Paul was my hero!!
The entire situation afforded everyone some much-needed comic relief. After
all the tension with the traffic and the boarding problems, we were all
pretty wound up.
Did I mention everybody laughed at me? These people clearly enjoyed my discomfort greatly.
Nor did it stop there. I
heard a new variation on the socks and shoes story practically every day on
the ship. If you believed everything you heard by the time we docked I ended
up
wearing Paul's shoes, socks, belt, shirt, coat, tie and pants. Ha ha ha.
With the peals of laughter ringing in my ears, I went back to my cabin to put on my new shoes and socks. Now I was ready
to get married!
For the second time, I joined the wedding party upstairs. I was in a good
mood. I teased Paul about how I could criticize him all I wanted to because
I had walked a mile back and forth from cabin to the wedding in his shoes. Ha ha
ha. Now I was making the jokes. I felt much better. Sadly, it didn't last
very long.
I was waving and smiling at everyone until Gary Richardson walked up with a frown. Uh
oh. Now what? Gary pulled me aside. He didn't have the music for
the wedding reception. My eyes bulged!! No music?
Where is the computer with all the songs on it?
Gary said he had the computer, but he didn't have the speaker/amplifier that
would play the music. Why not?
Gary said as he got to the pier he had to unload dozens of pieces of luggage
from George Grega's truck. Meanwhile the man helping him had been so
aggressive in his demeanor that Gary got flustered. The man kept
yelling in bullet-fire fashion, "Carry-On or Check-In?" with each piece.
When he got to the speaker/amplifier, Gary could only think of using it for
the dance classes. He completely forgot he was going to use it for the
wedding reception!
Now there was no way we could retrieve it in time for
the wedding. This meant the entire hour and a half of music we had
planned for our first reception was down the drain.
Don't tell anyone, but I was secretly happy I wasn't the only person to go brain-dead on
the carry-on issue. It wasn't fun being the only moron (I say that
affectionately, of course). Now I had a
companion. You know how misery loves company? So do morons.
But as I thought about it more, I realized this
also meant the wedding dance with Marla was doomed. We had been
practicing for months! She would be so disappointed. Darn it.
But wait! I had an idea. I had some backups CDs with me that by
some miracle were with my carry-on luggage. I had been making a last-minute
copy of a Big Band music CD that morning and stuffed it in my carry-on bag.
I knew our wedding waltz song was somewhere in the collection of CDs. The
Rhapsody wedding coordinator said she had a boom box if I had the CD.
So I trekked back to the room to get our wedding music. At least this
problem was solved.
From a distance I saw Marla was making her way from our cabin to the wedding
area in the Viking Crown Lounge. I patiently waited for Marla and Mara
to pass. I cleverly averted my gaze to avoid witnessing the
magnificence of "The Dress". A wedding traditionalist, Marla had been
lecturing me on this important piece of wedding etiquette. She was impressed
that I remembered.
After they passed, I made it to the cabin to get the music. Then I
returned to the wedding party for the THIRD TIME that morning. It was time
to get it started, yes? Well, no.
As I arrived, a Rhapsody wedding representative asked me if I wanted to
escort my mother into the ceremony. "Well, of course I would! Thank
you for reminding me." Since I was behind a wall, I peeked
around the corner to look at my guests. "By
the way, where are you hiding her?"
The poor man had a blank expression. He wasn't hiding her anywhere. So I
said, "What about my Aunt Lynn?" Another confused look. Tom
and Mike were with me preparing for us to enter as a threesome. I asked both
men if they had seen my mother or Aunt Lynn. Their looks
were equally confused. They didn't have any idea where they were NOR HAD
THEY EVEN SEEN THEM!
Now I lost it. I had patiently overcome every obstacle that life had put in
my way over the past three months and I had patiently handled every problem
that had surfaced today, but this was ridiculous!! It was 1:20
pm. The ceremony was already twenty minutes late. Where in the you-know-what
were those women!?!?!
In retrospect, if I had more presence of mind, I would have told Gary or
Paul what was going on so they could explain the status to the entire
wedding party while I hunted for my mother and aunt.
Instead I grabbed my best men, Mike and Tom, and asked them to help me come
look for the missing women. Since I was out of sight behind a wall
when the wedding guy had asked me about me mother, this meant no one realized that I
had even been in the wedding area.
I was frantic because my aunt and mother were missing, but the wedding
guests and a certain bride-to-be were even more worried because NOW I WAS
MISSING!
As the three of us took off, no one had a
clue where I was either! For all the 30 or so Left Behinds knew, there
was some serious Alien Abduction going on. Two husbands were missing in
addition to the Husband to be.
In my haste
I made an idiot of myself. I knew my mother's cabin was on the eighth floor,
but didn't know what the number was. So I walked a complete rectangle around
the eighth floor calling out "Mom! Lynn! Where are you?" to a
never ending series of closed doors. After ten minutes I completed the
entire circuit without results. That was a waste of time. Now Mike and Tom suggested I go to the
Purser's
desk on Floor 5 and have the women paged. Good idea!
So we raced down three floors to ask for help. I secretly looked around in
case there was a camera filming "The Joke's On You" for some Reality TV
show. Nope. This fiasco was on the level.
The woman at the desk
patiently looked up their names to get the cabin number. Then she calmly
called their room and handed me the phone. To my shock, they answered on the
first ring!! What was going on!?!
I was relieved and exasperated. Lynn answered. "Aunt Lynn, it's time for me
to get married!"
Lynn answered, "Yes, of course. The ceremony is at 1 pm, right?"
I blinked and answered, "Yes, it's at 1."
"Don't worry. We are almost ready! We will be there at least 15 minutes early."
15 minutes early? She was so calm I thought I was in the Twilight
Zone. Do do do do. I looked at the clock on the wall. It read 1:40 pm.
Was I going crazy?
"Lynn, it is almost 2 pm. I am already 40 minutes late!"
There was a gasp on the line. Then silence. In a barely audible
whisper, she said, "Come get us. We will be ready."
It wasn't until a couple days later that I figured out what had happened. While
Lynn was getting grilled by the Immigration clerk, she glanced at her watch
and realized it was still on Virginia time. She was so flustered that
she reset her watch to Mountain Time instead of Central Time. In the complete
silence of her room, Lynn thought it was an hour earlier than it really was.
So I sent Tom and Mike ahead to explain I was on my way, then I went to the
cabin to fetch Lynn and Mary.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Marla was in tears. She was crying because she
was afraid she was getting stood up at the altar.
I imagine you are incredulous to think Marla could have been worried about
this. After seeing all these pictures of happiness, it must be difficult to
understand how she could feel this way.
So let's visualize the scene from Marla's point of view. After arriving at
the Viking Crown Lounge at 1:15 pm. Marla had been isolated from the wedding
party alone with Mara, Sam, and Marissa waiting for the show to come on.
She didn't know about my socks and shoes adventure. She didn't know about
the wedding music problem. And she didn't know about the mystery of the
missing aunt and mother either. All she knew was we were running late! And the
wedding coordinator made things tougher by asking her every five minutes
where the heck was her groom as if Marla had some way of knowing. She was
beginning to wonder where I was herself.
Meanwhile I had left on my wild goose chase without explaining to the
wedding guests what was going on. Everyone sensed something had gone wrong
so now one person after another came backstage to calm an
increasingly jittery Marla. Then someone told her there was a rumor I had gone to look for my
mother.
This sounded preposterous to Marla. What did Rick need his mother for? It was quarter till 2! The wedding
was 45 minutes late. Where the heck was Rick?
Then someone said the best men Tom and Mike were missing too. They were
supposed to be looking for Rick! Why would they be looking for Rick?
All Marla knew was she had been standing in place for over 30 minutes
holding her bouquet without any clue what was really going on. The
first thing that crossed her mind when the rumor hit that Tom and Mike were
looking for her fiancé was that I had gotten cold feet at the last minute.
Her friend Mara cheered her up and said this was nonsense, but later on Mara admitted the same
thing had crossed her mind.
So Marla started to cry. Her makeup smeared. She had to find a tissue to dab
the tears. She tried hard not to cry, but it was too much for her. She was miserable. About this time, she got the word that I
had showed up with Mother and Aunt in tow. It was time to get married!
It was too late to redo the makeup. Marla would just have to be tough! The music started, so half-crying, half-laughing with relief, Marla began the trip to the altar escorted by Larry,
Neil, Marissa, and Sam.
The wedding ceremony was short and sweet, but our nerves still managed to
show. I was a little
impatient so I said "I do" before the minister could even got there.
Everyone had a little grin at that one. 'Who cares?' I thought. They had
been having chuckles at my expense all day long. Then Marla had
trouble putting the ring on my finger so I grabbed it and shoved it on
myself. I was in no mood for social niceties. I wanted to get married!
The moment I got the ring on marked the end of the snafus. From there on out
it was pure happiness.
Surprisingly, Marla's tears were not the final tears of the day. There were
several very kind toasts made by our guests. However the one that took the
cake was from Marissa. She told everyone how sad and lonely she had seen her
mother over the past ten years. Now Marissa was so happy that her mother had
finally met a man who made Marla smile instead of cry. Well, that brought on
the tears. Get out the Kleenex. We all started crying. Me too.
After some much-needed champagne and some much-needed lunch, it was time for
the wedding dance. We were ready to Waltz to a very pretty
instrumental version of "A Time for Us" from Romeo and Juliet.
Normally this is a time for great anxiety among grooms. I read once in
a survey about wedding preparation, 500 different wedding couples agreed the
one thing they would do if they had to do it all over again was start
preparing for their wedding dance much sooner.
I had a little edge. I had been preparing for 25 years. Nevertheless in the
middle of the song I tried to get a little fancy and lost my step. Knowing
it was futile to try to fix it and risk a bigger problem, I stood still ready to catch the next beat
and start over.
It wasn't an obvious goof. I was hoping it would go unnoticed, but no such
luck. The Waltz Goddess herself Sharon Crawford let out a chuckle as she
watched from above. Don't you hate people who are perfect?
We played a couple more songs for our guests to dance to, but due to our
late start we were practically out of time. I very much wanted a group
picture, so I organized everyone and took them downstairs to the Centrum.
Our photographer lined up everyone on the stairs and took a wonderful group
picture. It marked a very happy end for a very happy group of people.
Several of our guests said the entire wedding adventure aboard the ship was
so beautiful and romantic they wished from the bottom of their hearts they could come with us on the
trip that was to follow.
After the group picture, our guests hugged us, shook our hands, and said
their goodbyes. As much as they wanted to stay, it was time to go.
After our daughters were the last to leave - a sad moment for all of us -
Marla and I looked for the nearest seats and collapsed.
We looked at each, held hands, and simultaneously let out a sigh of relief
that could be heard throughout the ship. It had been quite an adventure.
That is when
Marla looked at me and said, "Most brides hope for a perfect wedding. I had
an 'Oops' Wedding!"
I smiled and nodded in agreement. It had been an ordeal just getting to this
point and the day had been a lot wilder than I would have wished. Then we
agreed on one more thing - All's Well That Ends Well. Our
ceremony had ended perfectly.
Now we were married. At that moment we both could not have been happier.
Next: Story 3:
The Evening Wedding Reception
