MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER SEVENTY THREE:

RAGE

Written by Rick Archer 

LIMBO MONTH twelve
SATURDAY, JUNE 7, 1980

HOSPITAL RELEASE

It was Saturday, June 7.  Now that they had found the correct antibiotic, Nurse Ratched said I could go home today.  After removing the breathing tube, she added an unwelcome twist.  She told me I had to get someone to come pick me up. 

My eyes lit up with defiance.  What utter nonsense.  Since my car was in the hospital parking lot, I preferred to simply get in my car and drive home.  The last thing I wanted to do was make another trip back to pick up my car.  So I lied and said I would get a taxi.

Then they insisted I use a wheel chair.  Nonsense, I can walk just fine.  Nurse Ratchet disagreed.  Pointing to the wheelchair, she exclaimed, "I don't have time to argue with you.  Get in the wheel chair!"

It took every ounce of willpower to force myself to cooperate, but I gave in.  I was so sick of being pushed around I could spit!  After they carted me down to the lobby, I got up and headed straight to the door.  Immediately some hospital peon blocked my path and ordered a guard to stop me until the taxi showed up.  That led to a major showdown.  Quoting 'hospital protocol', the woman insisted she would not release me unless someone came to drive me home.  I had so much anger towards this hospital, I raised my voice and told the woman exactly what I thought of her stupid rule.  No profanity, but strong words were said.  Hearing my loud voice, the guard moved closer.  After exchanging mutual looks of hostility, I turned back to the woman

"I am perfectly capable of walking, so I am perfectly capable of driving as as well."

To my surprise she said no again, hospital rules forbade it.  Oh yeah?  Well, lady, what about Rick's rules?  Having been systematically intimidated by Nurse Ratchet all week long, unable to sleep due to constant interruptions and screwed up by the massive drug intake, I was in no mood to be diplomatic.  Bursting at the seams with venom, I exploded and threw the temper tantrum of the ages.  No cussing, but maximum sarcasm and defiance.  After a very bitter argument, the woman suddenly backed down and quite sensibly handed me a form to sign excusing the hospital from any liability.  Smart move, lady.

I was in an ugly mood as I walked out.  Why didn't that woman just hand me the form in the first place and spare me the argument?  I screamed bloody murder all the way home.  This hospital stay had been an ordeal of the highest magnitude.  Unfortunately, my temper tantrum had sapped all my remaining patience as well as energy.  When I got home, I was weak, I needed rest, but most of all I was angry at the world.  I was so hostile I could barely live in my own skin.

SUNDAY, JUNE 8, 1980

WILL YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!

Emily and Sissy were really excited to see me.  I hugged them and told them how much I had missed them.  Despite my exhaustion, I immediately took them for a walk.  My dogs had a very high opinion of me.  My goal in life was to be as good as the person dogs believe me to be.  But right now I was not a good person.  I was very bitter.  I would need time to heal.

After we returned, I fed the dogs and made myself some coffee.  I intended to resume teaching on Monday, but first I needed Saturday and Sunday to let this pulsating anger subside.  I did not want visitors.  I did not want to answer calls.  I figured I would retrieve messages from the answering machine on Monday when my mood improved.  Right now just leave me alone.  That way I could read a book, watch a movie and take my dogs for more walks.  Most of all, I could sleep whenever I wanted to.

Obviously my stay in the hospital was responsible for my bad mood.  I should never have been there in the first place.  My toothache problem had been botched by two neglectful doctors.  The hospital stay had been horrible thanks to Nurse Ratched's terror tactics and the constant interruptions.  How does a sick patient get any sleep in a hospital?  Worst of all, my system was messed up from seven days of antibiotics and painkillers.  I hated having all these toxins in my body.  But the worst part of all was being forced to lie there with a tube down my throat as Victoria unilaterally announced her return to my life.  However, the ordeal was finally over.  I was home!!  Rest.  Peace.  My sweet dogs.  A chance to be alone and sleep when I wanted to.

Ring ring ring! 

I had just dozed off when my private phone awoke me.  Damn it, that was probably Victoria calling.  I was so hostile I didn't want to speak to Victoria or anyone else for that matter.  Nevertheless, I talked to her briefly.  I kept it short, saying I was going to get some rest, thank you for calling, but please let me be.  I'll call you, don't call me.

One hour passed.  Ring ring ring! 

This time I ignored it completely.  Then my other phone rang.  I had two phones, one business, one personal.  I ignored them both.

Twenty minutes later, Ring ring ring! 

Unfortunately I had no way to unplug the phone or disable the ring tone.  I was so angry to be at the mercy of these incessant calls.  Pretty sure who kept calling me, I refused to answer.  Nor did I return Victoria's other half-dozen calls spread through Saturday afternoon and evening.  I was afraid if I answered, she would expect me to talk to her.  Of course I was grateful for her help last week, but at the moment I felt far too hostile to be civil.  Finally my guilt got to me.  I gave in and called Victoria back late Saturday night.  However I wasn't very nice.  In a curt voice I told Victoria to stop calling me, I needed to rest.  Victoria did not handle my bad mood very well.  She thought I was rejecting her and being rude.  She took it personally and began crying.  I can't say as I blamed her.  But then again, I had told her to leave me alone.  Why wouldn't she listen?  

Victoria said something that really pissed me off.  She demanded that I call her around noon tomorrow Sunday to let her know if I still wanted to be left alone.  Huh?  What kind of logic is that?  I seriously resented being obligated to call Victoria to ask for permission to be left alone.  Incredulous, I lost my temper.  Raising my voice, I said, "Look, Victoria, I am in no mood to talk.  I'm healing, I'm doing okay, and I am planning to start teaching again Monday night.  However, for the rest of the weekend, just leave me alone!"

I slammed the phone down and went back to bed.  Ah, sleep, merciful sleep.  Sunday paper, coffee, scrambled eggs, football game on TV, a walk with the dogs followed by a blissful nap.  It was Sunday afternoon and I had been asleep on and off most of the day.  Suddenly there was pounding on my front door.  I awoke with a start and looked at my clock.  3:30 pm.  Who could it be?  From a corner window, I peeked.  Oh my God, Victoria was knocking on the door.  Feeling my privacy invaded, a wave of intense rage overwhelmed me.  I was reminded how poorly things had turned out the last time she had knocked on my door.  Doorstep Night!  Please tell me she doesn't have a suitcase.  I had never really forgiven her for tricking me with her suitcase.  I recalled how she had barged her way in and proceeded to ruin my life.  Well, damn it, there was not going to be any replay of that.  God forbid, if I let her through the door, just my luck she might try to move back in again.  Refusing to answer the door, I cursed the woman for being so aggressive.  Ten minutes went by.  Victoria finally left.

It turned out Victoria had written a note.  Oh, how wonderful.

"3:30 pm.  After trying to get in touch with you several times, I decided to come by, thinking you might be working in the yard since your answering machine wasn't on, but no luck.  I'm sorry I missed you because I really wanted to see you.  Nothing was said of last night! 

[She was referring to my rudely-stated demand to leave me alone]

As you know, it's beautiful out and I'd love to be at a park with you or something.  Anyway I really miss you today and wish we could have been together.  I don't know where you are or when you're planning to return home, so I guess I'll just plan to see you tomorrow. I'll call you tomorrow morning.  I would like to practice [western] tomorrow around 10 am or so, if you would like to.  I thought Monday and Wednesdays would be good practice days.  I'll call you tomorrow morning.  I love you and miss you.  Wish you were here."
 

You know what, that was a sweet note.  But, damn it, why did Victoria show up without an invitation in the first place?  When I say leave me alone while I heal, what part of 'NO!' can't she understand?  Furious, I refused to call her back.  Big mistake. 

Monday morning, JUNE 9, 1980

EXPLOSION

Believe it or not, Victoria showed up again on Monday.   This time she caught me returning from a morning walk with Emily and Sissy.  That left me with no choice but to let her in.  I was so pissed off I could not see straight.  I wanted to get rid of her as quickly as possible so I could enjoy my day.  Victoria could see I was bristling with resentment, but she was angry as well.  She did not like my continued rudeness and cold shoulder one bit.  Feeling ignored and unappreciated, Victoria lost her temper.   

"Damn it, Rick, the least thing you could do would be to acknowledge how much I care about you!"

Victoria slammed a door and knocked something over deliberately.  That is when I erupted.  Keep in mind I was already a powder keg of anger.  I leapt up from the couch and grabbed her wrist as she reached for something else to throw. 

"Let me go!" she screamed. 

That is when I lost control.  I wrapped both hands around her neck before I knew what I was doing.  Thank goodness I did not squeeze hard enough to hurt her.  Instead, I shook her a couple times, then pushed her down on a nearby couch in disgust.  I did not know my own strength because she hit the cushion hard, bounced off, then fell to the floor.  It was over in five seconds.  Horrified by what I had done, I backed away.  Victoria was not hurt, but she was very frightened.  Staring at me wide-eyed, she sat on the floor in shock.

I was startled by what I had done.  I had never struck a woman in my life, so I was deeply ashamed of myself.  I had promised myself I was going to stand up to her, but that fantasy never included violence.  Well, at least now she knew how I really felt.  Rage coursed through my veins.  I was sick and tired of letting Victoria impose her will on me.  Fed up with being pushed around, my anger came to a head when she threw her hissy fit.  For crying out loud, I had never met a more spoiled person in my life.  What made Victoria think she could get her way in every single situation?  I retreated to a safe spot in the living room and tried to calm down.  Victoria understandably was in tears, but I was too upset to comfort her.  We both just sat there staring at each other.  Time passed and I cooled off.  Finally I spoke up.

"I am sorry I choked you and threw you to the floor, Victoria.  I am in a really bad mood, but that does not excuse what I did.  When are you ever going to learn to respect my wishes?  When I tell you to leave me alone for a while, I mean it!"

"Damn it, Rick, I was worried about you!  Jesus, what is wrong with you?  All I did was come over to see if you are all right.  If you had just called me back like I asked, this would not have happened.  Besides, I spent all last week trying to help and you might show a little gratitude!"

Victoria began to cry very hard.  Unmoved, I left her alone.  Eventually she stopped.  We processed what had just happened in silence.  After a while, I calmed down enough to speak again.  Once I explained my hospital ordeal, Victoria better understood where I was coming from.  Then I got a lot of things off my chest concerning my Limbo Captivity.  Although I did not ask for my freedom, I did say I was sick and tired of being told what to do.  This helped lift my massive depression.  However, it sent Victoria in the opposite direction.  She sobbed the entire time I spoke.  I definitely hurt her feelings with my bitter statements. 

To my surprise, now that I had spoken up, some of my affection returned.  So I set about thanking Victoria for her immense help last week.  Once I showed some of my old warmth, Victoria cheered up and began to feel better.  The moment I saw that look, I knew where this was headed.  Made sense.  We were intensely lonely.  We also had complete privacy.  However, I drew the line.  No way, not under these circumstances.  Let's not give Victoria a reason to show up on my Doorstep again holding a suitcase. 

Victoria saw my frown and wisely did not push it.  Instead, she changed the subject.  She informed me she was ready to begin teaching Western classes on a regular basis.  And why was that?  During dance class last week Victoria had noticed men staring at her in appreciation. 

"It's been quite a while since anyone reminded me I am attractive!"

Victoria was more than attractive.  Now that her looks had returned, she was a knockout.  It warmed her heart to have men smile at her again.  Not only that, she had spent the entire week admiring herself in the mirror during class.  Once Victoria realized how good she looked in her form-fitting Gloria Vanderbilt designer jeans, she said something that made me laugh.

"I have decided I need to start sharing myself with the world more often."

What a thing to say.  She may have been kidding, but I don't think so.  Beauty like hers should not be kept hidden away.  I said nothing, but I cracked up.  Victoria saw me smile and now she was smiling too.  With the tension gone, shades of the Supreme Diva of Disco were finally peeping through the cracks.  Let the sun shine in. 

Following the hospital ordeal, I considered suing my dentists.  They had seriously screwed up.  However, I decided to let it go.  I knew both men felt bad about it, so I forgave them.  Besides, since my insurance covered everything, I suffered no financial loss.  Not even a deductible.  I figured after my enormously lucky TGIS break, maybe these guys could use a break too.  So I cut the dentists some slack. 

However, I did want to murder them for waking Victoria up.  Now that she realized how good she looked in her jeans, I would probably never get rid of her.  Limbo Captivity had just reached Month Nine with no end in sight.  

Victoria reminded me of a Country-Western song. 

"How can I miss you if I can't get you to leave?"