MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER NINETY ONE:

test OF WILLS

Written by Rick Archer 

LIMBO MONTH TWENTY
FEBRUARY 1981

SEX, LIES AND MANIPULATION

 

Shortly prior to her February divorce, Victoria announced Charlotte had recommended that she try dating men other than me.  When I had the nerve to request a similar privilege, Victoria infuriated me by asking that I patiently continue as her loyal, 'faithful' boyfriend during this difficult post-divorce healing period.  The gall of this woman was fathomless.  Fortunately for Victoria, I was so consumed by the demands of my super-charged dance studio that an entire week passed before I had time for Round Two.  Early in February we met in Glen's office after class.  Victoria announced she had a candidate.  She was considering an offer made by a guy named Vincent.

I stared at Victoria in total disbelief.  Tell me this isn't really happening.  Since we had not talked since I had asked for my freedom, over the past week I had begun to wonder if Victoria's dating idea was a bluff.  Victoria's decision to date was so patently absurd given our circumstances that I wondered if she had made the whole thing up just to see how I would react.  On the other hand, why was I surprised?  At this point, I would not put anything past Victoria.  As for dating Vincent, Victoria saw the fire in my eyes.

"Okay, Rick, calm down, don't get so upset.  I have not accepted that date.  That is why I am running this past you first."

If Victoria had said she wanted to date Michael again, I would have hugged her and said go for it.  But to deliberately go looking for someone new, that triggered all sorts of negative emotions including my sense of possessiveness.  There may have been a little jealousy, but mostly I felt hurt.  I felt like the old dog kicked to the curb because some puppy dog looked cute, rolled over and wagged his tail.  So much for my loyalty through thick and thin, right?  However, most of all, I smelled a rat.  Now that I saw Victoria was not kidding, something didn't feel right.  Was Victoria telling me the whole story?  Why would her therapist recommend dating different men when Victoria had a serious unresolved relationship with me?  Victoria was a deeply confused woman, so how exactly was the idea of dating other men supposed to help?  If anything, wouldn't this complicate things even further?

I also wondered again why Charlotte had such a low opinion of me.  What had Victoria told her therapist about me?  Or, most important of all, was Victoria simply making this up as an excuse to date Vincent?   Feeling suspicious, I decided to put Victoria on the spot.  I lied and told Victoria I was okay with her upcoming date, but added it was time for me to meet Charlotte.

A look of alarm crossed Victoria's face.  "Why do you want to meet Charlotte?"

"I want to ask her how I can be the most supportive during your difficult healing process.  I fully understand this is a sensitive time for you, so I want to see what she suggests I do."

This was a preposterous request, but I was determined to throw Victoria's bullshit back in her face.  In fact, given the look of sheer horror on Victoria's face, I recall having way too much fun with this idea.  When Victoria failed to answer, I continued.

"In addition, meeting Charlotte would give us both the chance to discuss our potential for the future.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?"

This, of course, was a reference to a phrase Victoria used from time to time.  Taking a page out of Victoria's playbook, I used her own words against her.  Actually I could have cared less about our potential.  The only potential I felt at the moment was potential homicide.  My true agenda was to discover what her therapist Charlotte REALLY thought about me and why.  I have to admit I found Charlotte's negative attitude very disconcerting.  Why would a woman who had never met me think so little that she would encourage her mixed-up client to date other men? 

You know what?  The more I thought about it, I actually did want to meet the celebrated Charlotte, especially if Victoria was paying.  I could probably use a little therapy myself.  Perhaps Charlotte could explain why one woman after another turned her back on me after an initial infatuation.  Emily, Carol, Vanessa, Debbie, Yolanda, Rachel, Celeste, Jenny, Karen, Nancy, Patricia, Jennifer.  A dozen women from my past had been given a choice between me and another man.  Victoria made 13.  Oh, the irony of it all.   Every one of them had chosen the other man.  Here I am, age 31, and I had NEVER won a head-to-head battle with another man.  Technically I had won a battle with Michael, but it did not feel right.  I wasn't competing!  The way I saw, I was little better than a pawn Victoria had used to gain the upper hand in her marital drama.  Making matters more absurd, I was about to be demoted.  Victoria wanted me to voluntarily agree to move to third place in the pecking order. 

The mere suggestion that I was serious about Charlotte turned Victoria white as a ghost.  Judging from her reaction, Victoria was not in favor of my bold idea.  Thinking fast, Victoria replied, "Uh, gee, that's a great idea, Rick!  I will phone Charlotte and ask if it is okay for you to come along to my next therapy session."

Ah, the old stall and postpone maneuver.  I smiled darkly.  Nice move, Victoria.  I knew damn well Victoria didn't need permission.  Victoria was the customer.  If she wanted to bring me along to meet her therapist, who was Charlotte to refuse to see me?  Unwilling to let Victoria off the hot seat, I decided to point that out.

"You don't need to ask permission, Victoria.  I am positive Charlotte would welcome the chance to evaluate me.  Besides, if Charlotte refuses to see me, I am more than willing go sit in the waiting room without protest."

"No, Rick, I don't want to surprise Charlotte.  That would not be fair to her.  I prefer to talk it over with her first."

Victoria said she would hang up and call me back, so I left it there.  I knew full well there was no way Victoria was going to let me meet Charlotte.  You see, I had been through this before.  Victoria had a way of taking her own thoughts and claiming these were the words of others.  My suspicions dated all the way back to June 1979 when Victoria claimed Michael had encouraged her to have a 'European Relationship' with me.  With my bullshit detector firing acute warning messages, I told Victoria to have Michael give me a call and confirm his rather unusual recommendation.  Never heard from him.

Back in October 1979, I became suspicious about another claim.  Victoria said her lawyer had discussed her rights as part-owner of the studio.  As part of her Blackmail threat, Victoria claimed her lawyer said she owned half of my business.  The lawyer also said she was due back wages for the year of volunteer service she had put in.  So I asked for the lawyer's name and phone.  Maybe I should speak to him and clarify things.  Victoria quickly replied her lawyer had warned her I would try this and that under no circumstances was she to bring me to him or tell me his name.  Curious, I later spoke about the matter to a student friend who was an attorney.  Carl replied that Victoria's claims were ridiculous. 

Carl said, "Did you sign anything?"

"No."

"Did you promise anything?"

"No."

"How frequently does she work?"

"Victoria is part-time.  One or two nights a week."

"Did you promise her deferred wages when she volunteered?"

"No."

"Are there any witnesses who can contradict you?"

"No."

"Do you pay her a salary now?"

"Yes."

"How long?"

"Two years ago."

"That establishes an employer-employee relationship.  Based on what you have told me, her claims seem rather far-fetched.  Assuming there is nothing in writing, it sounds to me that Victoria is attributing her own thoughts to her lawyer.  I think she is bluffing you." 

I nodded in agreement.  She had bluffed about what the lawyer said and now she was bluffing about the therapist.  Fairly sure Charlotte had never said a word about dating other men, I believed Victoria was fibbing in regards to this dating nonsense.  Therefore I was not surprised when Victoria called me at home ten minutes later to say Charlotte did not think this was a very good idea.  I almost laughed out loud.  A busy woman like Charlotte sure was easy to get hold of on short notice.  Victoria said Charlotte had strongly advised against bringing me along.

"Charlotte believes I need space from you.  Having just gone through a divorce, I am not ready to explore serious relationship issues just yet.  Charlotte wants to keep things simple and uncomplicated for a while to let my nerves settle down.  However, she didn't close the door to seeing you.  Charlotte said maybe in a month or two."

Victoria's words were plausible, but I wasn't buying it.  If Charlotte believed I was toxic for her client, wouldn't it make sense for her to meet with me and judge with her own eyes?  If Charlotte was as wise as Victoria claimed, why would she turn down an opportunity to evaluate the so-called home wrecker who had ruined her client's life?  Considering Charlotte was very protective, wouldn't she want to see for herself just how much psychological damage I was capable of inflicting upon her fragile client?  The more I thought about it, I was certain Victoria was lying to me.  I keep mentioning I did not trust Victoria enough to consider a permanent relationship.  Here is a perfect example why I felt this way.  I had been around the block with Victoria far too many times to buy her bullshit anymore.  'Charlotte's dating idea' was probably a smoke screen cooked up by one of Victoria's alter egos.  More likely this Vincent guy was so cute that Victoria was willing to risk my wrath. 

I had long believed Victoria put words in other people's mouths to manipulate me in whatever direction she wanted me to go.  My mind drifted back to the Negotiation period of 1979, the most horrible year of my life.  I recalled how Victoria used her clever banter to keep me on a string.  My instinct said Victoria had kept her husband, oops, ex-husband, on a string too.  My guess is that Victoria played the two of us against each other, feeding one line to me, another line to Michael. 

"Oh, Rick, my marriage is in shambles.  Michael doesn't touch me, Michael doesn't want me anymore.  He is so over me, Michael has given me permission to have an affair with you.  He just keeps me around for our daughter's sake."  

Okay, this is what she said to me.  What do you suppose she was saying to Michael in the days prior to Doorstep Step?  If I had been a fly on the wall, perhaps I would have heard a hypothetical conversation that went something like this:

"Oh, Michael, I promise there is nothing going on between Rick and I.  Rick has to be the most helpless man I have ever met.  Did you know he got thrown out of graduate school due to his inability to relate to people?  He is a good dance teacher, but he doesn't have the first clue how to run a dance studio or talk to his students.   Rick is so insecure that he lets his dance boss push him around and insult him to his face.  I feel so sorry for Rick because he had such a tough childhood.  As a result, he has trouble making friends.  I am almost embarrassed to watch how hesitant he is to say hello to people he doesn't know.  Right now Rick is trying hard to overcome the problems of his past and I want to help him.  Yes, Michael, you are right, I think Rick has a crush on me, but so what?  Don't worry, dear, he's not aggressive.  Besides, I know how to handle him." 

What do you suppose she said to Michael after Doorstep Night?  Victoria probably deflected as much blame for the Affair onto me as possible.  

"Oh, Michael, I was so confused that night.  He had this Madame X woman and wanted to get rid of me at the dance studio.  I went over to his house to talk, nothing more.  What a terrible mistake that was.  To my surprise, he swore he loved me.  We were alone and he tried to kiss me.  I told him no, but he wouldn't stop.  I was crying, I was upset, I lost control of my senses and one thing led to another.  That's how it happened, I swear.  I am so sorry, Michael!  I was such a fool.  I had no business going to see him.  That damn Rick took advantage of me!  He is the silver-tongued devil."

And what about Victoria's 'Potential Speech'?  Sensing my reluctance, on Doorstep Night Victoria had made an eloquent appeal in my living room

"I am talking about our potential.  I am talking about what could happen if best friends became lovers and allowed things to develop.  I cannot live the rest of my life in peace without taking this chance.  All I ask is that you recognize we have the chance to be very special together."

Unfortunately her speech worked.  I thought she was being sincere.  Michael probably did not have the slightest idea how much I had resisted getting involved in this Affair.  Nor did Michael know the truth about Jennifer.  If Michael knew how serious I was about Jennifer, that would have contradicted  Victoria's claim that I seduced her.  More likely Victoria told Michael she was tricked into the Affair by empty promises of marriage.  In addition I believe Victoria told Michael I had strongly encouraged her to leave their marriage.   

Since Michael and I were too stupid to see the value of comparing notes, I believe Victoria expertly played us both against each other.  More than likely, she spread misinformation in both directions.  How else could she successfully juggle two men for two years?  I longed to tell Michael why I felt manipulated into the Affair.  However, what good would it do?  He would never believe me, not with his thoughts shaped by Victoria's one-sided propaganda.  With Victoria controlling the flow of information, neither Michael nor I would ever know the whole truth.  Divide and conquer, the oldest story in the book.   

I was fed up, sick and tired of being manipulated.  Let's get Victoria's lawyer, therapist and ex-husband into the same room and ask a few questions?  Hey, let's invite Vincent too.  Vincent knew who I was.  He had seen Victoria sitting on my lap at the Winchester Club.  What had Victoria told Vincent about me?  She had probably fibbed to him too.  Considering Victoria fibbed virtually any time her lips moved, why should I trust her when she said there would be no sex with Vincent?  I was certain she was playing me for a fool. 

FEBRUARY 1981

KARMIC DEBT

 

This Captivity crap had gone too far.  In late December 1979, Victoria had gone to see Kramer versus Kramer, a movie about a wife who betrays her husband.  Right before my eyes I saw Victoria sob violently and be torn to pieces with guilt.  In my opinion, she suffered what some would call a nervous breakdown.  At virtually the same time, Jennifer shocked me by announcing she was leaving town to return to her fiancé.  At that time, I had been struck by a powerful instinct that God wanted me to nurture Victoria while she recovered.  Assuming this would take a month or two, I said okay.  To my dismay, Victoria liked keeping me around.  Appealing to me for help, she persuaded me to extend my obligation for an entire year.  One of her tricks was asking me to wait till her divorce was final.  Here in February, that day had come to pass.  Not only was the divorce final, Victoria was feeling so good she was ready to date the ultra-handsome Vincent.  But just in case Vincent didn't work out, she wanted me to stick around. 

As far as I was concerned, my obligation had been met.  Considering how fed up I was, why would I stay?  On the face of things, there was no compelling reason to stay.  So why not just get up and leave?  And yet I chose to stick around.  Why?  Most armchair psychologists would claim I was self-deceived, that in reality I was too attached to Victoria to let go.  Some would view me as a weak, needy man who used absurd rationalizations to justify his obsequious behavior.  Totally dependent on a strong-willed woman, more than likely I was too afraid of losing Victoria to stand up to her.  I admit that is a plausible theory.  On the surface, my behavior fits the facts.

Sigmund Freud would probably agree that I was self-deceived, that I was the victim of a powerful unconscious desire for Victoria that stayed hidden from my conscious view.  That said, I do not agree.  As for being self-deceived about my longing for Victoria, I know my own mind better than an observer.  I was not even remotely dependent on Victoria.  I ran the studio all my myself.  I did not miss her when she was not around.  My lasting memory of this period was a constant yearning to date several of the women I had made friends with over the past year, women like Lynette and Taylor.  Plus there was Julie, the one I skidded across the Winchester dance floor in my haste to dance with her.  For that matter, I lusted for Ammonia every time I saw her. 

So what is my explanation for sticking around?  It's complicated, that much I will agree on.  Let's start with the 'Courage of my Convictions'.  My decision to stick around was based on Faith, not Reason.  One year ago I had made a commitment to God that I would stay by Victoria's side during the toughest stretch of her life.  Right now, Victoria seemed ready to stand on her own two feet.  However, the moment I asked for my freedom, she sorely tried my patience by insisting she was not ready yet.  By the slimmest of margins, the decision to continue playing nursemaid versus Exit Door won 50.1% to 49.9%.  So why did I stay?  Because I asked God again what to do and yet again my intuition told me to stay. 

During my meteoric climb to success, I had been the recipient of one remarkable stroke of fortune after another.  In my mind, each one of these Lucky Breaks reaffirmed my conviction I had been assigned my life's work and that God was helping me achieve my goal.  One of those Lucky Breaks was Victoria.  Plus I was begrudgingly aware that this strange Limbo Captivity had actually worked in my favor the entire time.  To be quite frank, I was starting to think this bizarre Captivity was part of God's Plan.  Who was I to question God's Will?

At this point in my life, I had reached the inescapable conclusion that my Dance Program was a Calling.  Fearful that this belief would offend someone, I kept that to myself.  But the proof was in the pudding.  At the moment, I was witnessing some amazing developments.  For starters, I was staring at this incredible Dance Community that had seemingly formed out of thin air.  Although I was the one being given the credit for creating this vast network of close ties, I knew better.  I was the Accidental Architect.  I alone knew how each stroke of good fortune had formed a perfect design.  I might add the Cosmos did a pretty good job.  This place was clicking on all cylinders.  Convinced I was an agent of God, I had begun to treat the dance studio as my Destiny.  This responsibility meant I should follow God's Will as best I could decipher.  Call me crazy, but at the moment, that included sticking by Victoria's side.

I had another reason to stick around: Payback on my considerable Karmic Debt.  Right now the Western Swing Synchronicity was making my dance program successful beyond my wildest dreams.  But would I have made it this far without Victoria?   In my heart, the answer was no.  Yes, everything I touched during the Western Era was turning to gold, but all I had to do was repeat lessons from Victoria's playbook.  Take 'Rodeo Romance' for example.  The Winchester Club was based on Camelot.  Whose idea was Camelot?  Victoria.  What about the mailing list?  Victoria.  Where did I learn the importance of interacting with my students on a personal level?  Victoria.  How did I become a terrific dancer?  Victoria's insistence I train with her in private lessons.  How did I gain confidence around women?  By dealing with Victoria's tempestuous moods.  I was something of a dynamo these days, but I knew full well Victoria deserved much of the credit.  The Disco Era had served as my apprenticeship.  I concluded Victoria was just as much a part of the Plan as this series of lucky breaks.  It was this conclusion alone that explained my inexplicable loyalty to Victoria.

Unfortunately, Victoria went nuts in the process of teaching me how to run a dance studio.  I helped get her into this mess, so it fell to me to help her get out of this mess.  Sure, there was always a chance that Freud was right.  I could very well be a deluded clown to believe some Invisible Hand was responsible for my uncommon good fortune.  I was willing to take that risk!  I believed I had a Karmic Debt to Victoria that had to be paid back.  Having been the recipient of so many remarkable strokes of fortune, I had a strong feeling that my gift had come with strings attached to Victoria.  Based on my convictions, now it was my turn to help her. 

Unfortunately, my decision required me to take a lot of abuse from Victoria that I would have never put up with under ordinary circumstances.  My current life would have been so much easier if I had stuck to Reality instead of Mysticism.  If I had stuck to Reality, the moment Victoria initiated this Vincent crap, I would have laughed in her face.  Help yourself to happiness, but I'm headed to the Exit Door.  However, I stuck to my Mystic attitude.  Acting in accordance with my beliefs, I would continue to stick around until Victoria figured things out.  

There was another reason I stuck around.  Atonement.  I wanted expiation for the part I had played in ruining her marriage.  This reason came into focus when Victoria followed through with her intention to date Vincent.  I knew Vincent.  He was a student in one of Victoria's Western classes at the dance studio.   Vince was a handsome, easy-going guy who was a bit younger than Victoria.  A dark-haired man of Italian descent, Vince was smooth and quite charming.  With one foot in Reality and the other foot in Mysticism, I had some weird debates going on in my mind where Victoria and Vincent were concerned.  I had nothing against the guy.  In fact, I felt sorry for him.  As the old joke goes, when a man steals an evil woman, the best revenge is refuse to take her back.  Vincent had no idea what he was getting into.  He had no idea the beautiful Victoria was a modern day Circe, the kind of woman who turns men into swine. 

Given my decision to remain philosophical, I was surprised to discover how poorly I handled Victoria's first date.  On the night of the big date, I was at home in a rage.  I was hardly in a forgiving state of mind.  Far from it.  I reacted just like any other red-blooded jilted guy... I was pissed off.  In fact, I was shocked at the intensity of my feelings.  At first I thought it was jealousy.  Then it occurred to me that I had never been jealous of Michael, so why should I care so much about Vincent?   No, I wasn't jealous of Vincent.  I didn't even like Victoria anymore!  Vincent could have her.  In fact, Vince would do me a real favor if he took her off my hands.   So what was it?

Slowly but surely, through all my fury the answer worked its way into my consciousness.  It took a while, but I finally concluded I was angry because Victoria had insulted me.  Why would Victoria treat me like this?  Did this woman lack any sort of empathy?  If Victoria wanted me to be sensitive to her feelings, then why didn't that door swing both ways?  To me, Victoria had betrayed our friendship.  By dating Vincent and refusing to allow me to do the same, she didn't care how I felt.  She would conduct this relationship on her terms and to hell with my feelings.  No wonder I was so angry.  I hated allowing her to take advantage of me, especially since there was a part of me that recognized I very well could be wrong about my mystical convictions. 

I don't think Victoria had the slightest idea why I kept sticking around.  She was so self-centered, Victoria just took me for granted.  I guess she thought I enjoyed being her captive pal who did not mind staying at home while she dated other guys.  So why didn't I just get up and leave?   I wanted to, but then it hit me... Debt!  In addition to the price I paid for Victoria's help in creating the dance program, I was paying a secondary price for allowing myself to be involved in the Affair.  Limbo was the price I had agreed to pay for the damage I caused to Victoria's marriage and the pain I caused her husband and her daughter.  I never had any business pursuing a married woman in the first place.  Oddly enough, I had not felt particularly guilty when it first happened because I felt manipulated into participation.  However, now that I had seen what a mess Victoria had made of her life, I felt ashamed of myself.  Therefore, another part of my loyalty to Victoria was the desire to seek redemption.  However, in the process I got my feelings hurt.  Due to her interest in Vincent, I was upset that my loyalty meant so little to Victoria.  For the past 20 months, I had voluntarily stayed by Victoria's side while she and Michael suffered through the breakup of their marriage.  Indeed, when Charlotte went down with her chemotherapy last fall, for a while there I was the only thing keeping Victoria glued together.  I guess I expected to be shown a little more gratitude.

There was a third reason I stayed by Victoria's side.  I wanted Victoria to willingly give me full control of the program.  I felt the dance program was 'Our Child'.  I was the Father, Victoria was the Mother.  Victoria's charisma had initially turned our child into something special.  Now, however, based on her increasing apathy, I believed she wanted to move on.  That meant I was the one Destined to keep custody.  Although my dance program had been born of scandal, I did not want my personal shame to affect the program in any way.  Like a parent who protects his child from knowledge of a troubled past, I wished to insulate my dance program from any hint of my Dark Secret.  I did not wish to face further blackmail threats from Victoria.  I did not want Victoria to threaten public scenes that would embarrass me and reveal our past.  I did not want Victoria blabbing to anyone about my role in breaking up her marriage.  In other words, protecting my Reputation and the Harmony of the studio was more important than enjoying a satisfactory love life.  The only way to prevent her flying off the handle again was Appeasement, also known as my 'Nice Kitty' strategy.

I had tried using Force to extricate myself from Victoria's octopus grip on several occasions only to see my actions backfire.  Doorstep Night, the worst mistake of my life, was a direct consequence of using Force to get rid of Victoria.  Each time I had attempted to use Force since then, Snarling Tiger Woman would reappear to make my life miserable.  Given how well the studio was doing, I would not dream of jeopardizing the good will.  Instead I sacrificed my self-esteem by playing lackey to a disturbed woman.  Following my non-violent 'Nice Kitty' strategy to the end, I wanted Victoria to give me full custody of the studio without feeling I had pushed her out. 

As the goal of my Magic Carpet Ride came into sharp focus, I began to see the studio as a place of healing in addition to all the fun.  I enjoy telling stories about all the shenanigans.  I do this because these tales are amusing to read about and they help explain why the studio was so special.  However, in addition to the hijinks, I had begun to see that my program had begun to operate on a deeper level.  Our sense of Community was something to behold.  Countless friendships and romantic relationships were flourishing.  I was also well aware that many of my students were trying to recover from broken relationships.  Few people are single because they want to be.  Most humans desire companionship, but once bitten, twice shy.  Many of my students were taking classes because they had failed in a previous relationship and my studio seemed like a safe place to hang out while they rebuilt their life.  That is one reason why TGIS and my studio worked hand in hand... we both operated as a haven on the road back.  In a very real sense, the studio had become a sanctuary, a safe place where people could heal at their own pace.  Let me add that the friendship they found helped considerably.

Since Victoria had been instrumental in creating this studio, I did not want to take it from her using force.  Victoria had earned the right to be here as long as she wished.  In addition, Victoria had a Dark Side.  In the past year my studio had become a place of warmth and friendship for our students.  Due to my sense of responsibility, there was no way I was going to do something to cause Victoria's retaliation to harm this beautiful child of ours.  Determined to protect the harmony, for the good of the dance program, I chose to willingly suffer through the insult of Victoria's interest in Vincent. 

However, I had not counted on being attacked by these intense feelings of hurt.  Not only did Victoria toss me aside like a broken toy, she expected me to politely sit on the shelf just in case she invited me to play with her again.  One part of me was proud for being noble, but self-sacrifice has it limits.  If Victoria could date, why couldn't I?  As I bounced off the walls, I wanted to retaliate in the worst way.  As my resentment built to fever pitch, I wanted to get even for the insult of Vincent's presence.  At this point my mind turned to Ammonia.  I wanted revenge and Ammonia struck me as a willing participant.  It wouldn't take much to light my fire.  Just whistle.  I was like a thirsty, drought-ravaged forest.  One spark would turn me to flames.

Wednesday, FEBRUARY 25, 1981

GRADUATION NIGHT AT WINCHESTER

"Dear Lord, lead me not into temptation.  Don't worry, I can find it all by myself."

The 1979 Year of Living Dangerously had been initiated by Revenge.  I had invited Joanne to my bed as payback for Patricia's decision to pursue former boyfriend Gorgeous George in Los Angeles.  That ill-considered move had backfired badly.  Joanne had been deeply hurt when I resumed my relationship with Patricia.  But now I was in a mood to try again.  I wanted to pay Victoria back for her infuriating decision to date Vincent.  Lately it seemed like every pretty girl I danced with turned me on.  Clearly I was not cut out for monastic life.   Although I believed I had been given a spiritual responsibility to run the studio, I seriously doubted sainthood was a necessary prerequisite.  Since permanent chastity struck me as a bit extreme, I reevaluated my decision to remain faithful to Victoria.

It was Wednesday night, February 25.  Last month our group had discovered the fun of dancing at Winchester, the giant honky-tonk just a mile down the street.  Tonight would mark our second Graduation Night.  In addition, it was Beer Bust Night again.  Last month my stupor had caused me to skid across the dance floor in pursuit of Julie.  Knowing full well my resistance to Temptation was weakening, would I have the sense to keep my beer intake to a minimum?  No, of course not. 

Thanks to our mob of students, the place was packed.  We had 90 last month, so it did not surprise me to see our group surge past 100.  Our crowd was having some serious fun and that included me.  In short order, I danced with a dozen women and knocked down four cups of beer.  I was pretty drunk and feeling good due to the success of the event.  My mood changed the moment I saw Victoria walk in.  This was the first time Victoria had ever visited the Winchester.  I immediately felt resentful, sort of like my refuge had been invaded.  What was she doing here?  I had specifically asked Victoria earlier if she was coming tonight and she said no.  Since the dance club was not far from Victoria's home, obviously she decided to make a surprise appearance.  I immediately frowned.   Was Victoria checking up on me?  Had she fibbed about not being here just to see how I would behave in her absence now that she was dating Vincent?  Victoria may have been insensitive, but she wasn't stupid.  She knew damn well her decision to date Vincent did not sit right with me.  Or was she here to see Vincent?  Seeing her survey the crowd, that was a real possibility.  Whatever her motives, I did not want to be anywhere near her.

Irritated, I continued to dance as a way to pretend I did not know she was here.  From the corner of my eye I watched Victoria talk to various people she knew from her Tuesday and Thursday classes.  I assumed she was telling them how wonderful Michael was.  Victoria's divorce was final a couple weeks ago.  Ever since, Victoria went on and on how they had parted as 'Friends' with a mutual desire to do right by Stephanie.  From what I gathered, Michael had been more than fair.  He gave her the house, full custody of Stephanie, child support, medical insurance, the works.  Considering I assigned 95% of the blame to Victoria for the breakup of their marriage, I was impressed with Michael's generosity.  Victoria had not been the same since the divorce.  Rather than be bitter, mostly she was wistful and sad.  Given how much Michael remained on her mind, this nonsense with Vincent did not add up.

Whenever Victoria was not looking, I would swiftly ask another woman to dance so I would not have to leave the floor. Eventually Victoria lost patience.  She walked onto the dance floor and tapped me on the shoulder from behind.  Victoria did not even have the courtesy to let me finish the song.  Ginger, the woman I was dancing with, was irritated at the interruption, but stepped aside.  Victoria told me to drop by her house later on.  The way Victoria said it rubbed me the wrong way.  I did not like taking orders. 

Oh boy!  A visit to Victoria's house!  Aren't I lucky?  Just what I wanted, another long talk about how badly things were going in Victoria's life.  What a thrill.  Or maybe she wanted to tell me how much she was enjoying getting to know Vincent and how special he made her feel.  Considering her dating stunt with Vincent, I was already mad at her.  Now her imperious attitude on the dance floor rankled me further.  I was about to say something defiant, but Victoria did not give me the chance.  She just turned and walked out the door.  With that, I was blind with rage.  Of all the nerve!  I believed she had driven over here just to check on me.  Other than my December reunion with Jennifer, I had voluntarily avoided all other women for the past year and a half.  Therefore I resented being spied upon.  Nor did I appreciate being ordered to appear at her house tonight in such a rude manner.

Fuming, I resumed dancing with Ginger, but the song ended soon after.  In a huff, Ginger walked away and left me standing there in the middle of the floor with smoke coming out of my ears.  Ever since this Vincent business started, I had been sitting on a considerable powder keg of bitterness.  Right now I was Mount Vesuvius kind of mad.  Angry and drunk.  A dangerous combination. 

Meanwhile, guess who was watching?  It was the Devil Woman looking to claim another victim.  Unbeknownst to me, my old friend Ammonia had seen everything.  She was amused at my obvious discomfort.  My angry face was all Ammonia needed to know there was a rift to exploit. 

Ammonia had long suspected Victoria was hanging on to me by a thin thread.  Sensing my growing weakness, Ammonia never missed a chance to flirt over the past six months.  When she saw Victoria walk in, bark at me, then turn around and walk back out, Ammonia smelled blood in the water.  It was time to strike.  Since Victoria was probably gone for the night, the coast was clear.  Ammonia swiftly moved in for the kill.  When I felt her tap on my shoulder, I spun around in anger. 

I nearly died when I saw Ammonia standing there grinning at me.  Oh, shit, someone's knocking.  The moment my eyes went to Ammonia's low-cut blouse, my knees almost gave out.  With her generous bosom on full display, how was I supposed to make eye contact?

Catching me off-guard, Ammonia pressed her advantage. 

"Hey, Cowboy Rick, how ya doin' tonight?  How about a dance?  I need a man to make a cowgirl dizzy.  If you do your job right, maybe I'll lose my balance and fall in your arms.  Let's see if a big boy like you can handle me." 

Ammonia was just as drunk as me.  This is how she talked when she was loaded.  I already had a thing for the girl and her impeccable timing was pure evil.  Feeling my body tremble with desire, it crossed my mind that I was in serious trouble.  I had asked for this, hadn't I?  I had drunk way too much beer.  Plus I had been so preoccupied with Victoria I forgot to watch for danger.  Nor were my bodyguards like Bob or Chuck nearby to bail me out.  The words to 'Somebody's Knocking' (Terry Gibbs) began playing in my mind. 

She must have tapped my telephone line
She must have known I'm spendin' my time Alone
She says we'll have one heavenly night
My fever's burnin'  so she oughta be right at home 

Indeed, the She-Devil had come to claim her log-awaited victim.  What was I going to do about it?  Since we were already on the dance floor, a dance seemed like a good place to start.  As we danced a slow Twostep, Ammonia struck up a conversation.  "I see Victoria left you to play in your sandbox all by yourself."

"Oh, you saw that, eh?  Victoria is goddamn pain in the ass." 

That was the all the encouragement she needed.  Playing dirty as usual, Ammonia made sure her left breast grazed my right arm as I held her to me.  Was it my imagination or were her breasts more chummy than usual?  With one breast keeping my right arm company and the other contentedly smushed against my chest, I assumed she was sending me a message.  Hmm.  Message received.  Seriously aroused behind too many beers and two many breasts, I asked Ammonia if I could walk her to her car. 

"Sure.  Let me find my purse."

"Okay.  I will meet you outside."

Ammonia raised an eyebrow at that.  Trying to be discrete, I saw no reason to advertise my fallen halo to the world.  As I waited for her, I was in the mood for rebellion.  I didn't give a damn if Victoria found out.  Let her see how it felt when the dating shoe was on the other foot.  I had spent the past year voluntarily avoiding other women just so Victoria could get her head on straight.  My reward had been to be treated as her little puppet boy.  Who was Victoria to snap her fingers and expect me to obey?   Now that her divorce was final, who did she think she was?  Her two dates with Vincent had changed everything.  My guilt was gone and so was my loyalty.  There were no reasons left to stop me.

Ammonia was what some might call a 'Bad Girl'.  She was hardly in Victoria's league for looks, but she had a body built for sin and a sassy attitude to match.  Ammonia had her way with men, me in particular.  Ammonia knew she turned me on.  She could tell by the way I drooled.  She had been teasing me for a half a year and the pressure had gotten to me.  With my defiance in overdrive and Ammonia fanning my flames, I was eager to follow my desire to its passionate conclusion.  As we walked to her car, Ammonia put her arm around my waist.  As her hips joined mine in Siamese rapture, they spoke volumes about where this journey was headed.  I felt totally out of control.  Ammonia stopped in front of her car, turned around and kissed me.  I kissed back.  Boy, did I ever.  Wow.  My hand involuntarily went to her backside and caressed appreciatively.  When she moaned in response, I felt myself tremble.  I had to hand it to the girl... Ammonia was a Closer.  With a wicked smile and fire dancing in her green eyes, Ammonia whispered, "Your place or mine?"

There was no turning back, so I said I would follow.  What a shame Ammonia didn't live close by.  Otherwise this story would have had a much different ending.  The long drive not only gave me time to sober up, it gave me time to think.  A funny thought crossed my mind.  What had I learned from Joanne two years ago?  Ah, Joanne.  Damn it.  Why did I have to think of Joanne at a time like this?  Right now I was acting on the same revenge instinct that had gotten me into trouble with Joanne.  How could I forget?  My entire life had spun out of control following our Dangerous Liaison.  It was Joanne's subsequent goo-goo eyes that had set off Victoria's alarm in the first place.  Two years had passed and I was still paying off the debt from that mistake.  An argument could be made that the seeds of this fix I was in tonight had started with that act of revenge.  Jennifer, yes, I was in love with Jennifer.  No regrets, no apologies.  But Ammonia?  Tough call.  It wasn't love, but it was pretty urgent.

Now that I was sobering up, I realized Victoria was sure to find out.  For one thing, she had summoned me.  No doubt she would notice my failure to appear.  That small detail made me hesitate.  I felt no loyalty to her and I felt no guilt.  However I did feel protective of the dance studio and I knew Victoria was vindictive.  Did I really want to risk scandal when Victoria took her inevitable retaliation?  On the other hand, if ever there was a woman who deserved to be taught a lesson, it was Victoria.  However, as the Chinese proverb goes, when you start down the road to revenge, dig two graves.  I groaned as I slowly accepted that a secret tryst was out of the question. 

If I could have trusted Ammonia to keep her mouth shut, I might have gone through with this.  But Ammonia wasn't the Madame X kind of girl.  Hardly.  Ammonia had a big mouth.  Once she got me into bed, Ammonia would waste no time spreading news of her conquest.  Recalling how Ammonia had deliberately caused trouble for me at last October's Halloween party, I assumed this vixen could not wait to see the look on Victoria's face.  Unlike Jennifer who was terrified of Victoria, Ammonia was just the opposite.  Ammonia was catty enough to take Victoria on and hold her own in a public scene.  I winced as I visualized the potential holocaust.   If I went through with this, I was inviting serious trouble.  Ammonia would make damn sure Victoria figured it out... and everyone else for that matter.  So much for my sterling status as Victoria's loyal boyfriend. 

Following Doorstep Night I had put up with Victoria's nonsense for a year and a half.  Did I really want 20 months of patience to go down the drain?  No!  I had no desire to jeopardize my studio's momentum with a public scandal.  Since my pristine reputation mattered to me, I was losing my nerve.  My defiance wavered further with the thought that Victoria was sitting at her house waiting for me.  There would be no hiding this action.  More than likely Ammonia would bring a megaphone to the next event.  If Victoria or Ammonia made a scene, I stood to lose a serious amount of respect.  I valued my role as leader of this group and I would never take a foolish chance of hurting the studio.  Who knows what Victoria might say or do?  Or Ammonia for that matter.  The moment I visualized Ammonia running her big mouth, that did it.  The spell was broken.

When we reached Ammonia's apartment, I banged my head against the steering wheel.  Now that I had decided to back out, I hated myself.  Damn it!  This dalliance was a bad idea, especially with this particular woman.  There would be a major price to pay.  So when we got out of our cars, I screwed up my courage and told Ammonia I had changed my mind. 

Not surprisingly, Ammonia lost her temper.  Oh boy, did she ever!

"You stupid fool, you stupid son of a bitch!!  What kind of bullshit is this?  And to think I mistook you for a grown man.  You don't respect me, do you?  First you won't even walk out with me.  You don't want anyone to know you're headed home with the bad girl.  Silly me, I thought you knew what you were doing, but I was wrong.  You don't have to guts to follow through."

Perhaps if I had told Ammonia the truth about my complicated relationship, she would have forgiven me.  But I wasn't about to discuss my situation and take the chance Ammonia would spread it over the studio.  So I simply told her my conscience wouldn't let me go through with it... which wasn't the truth.  My conscience was perfectly okay with this situation, but my fear of jeopardizing my standing at the studio held me back.  However, I couldn't tell Ammonia that, now could I?  Ammonia was not happy when I stuck to my guns.  That was certainly one disappointed woman.  Hey, me too!  I was sick and tired of being the boy scout.  To heck with the merit badge for virtue, I preferred some old-fashioned rock and roll.  But not under these circumstances. 

"I'm sorry, Mona, I have to go."

"I don't believe it.  You are beyond pathetic.  I cannot believe I wasted my time on a pantywaist like you.  So go.  Go to your skinny bitch and lick her feet like you usually do.  A few hours of begging and maybe she'll put out.  But you'll be thinking of me the whole time.  Now get the fuck out of here." 

Ammonia whirled and left me standing there.  Gee, two women turning their backs in one night.  As always, I had a way with women.  To be honest, Ammonia did me a real favor by chewing me out.  Her temper tantrum reassured me I had made the right decision.  There was no way this woman would ever keep her mouth shut.  Reluctantly, I got back in the car and drove over to Victoria's house.  This second drive gave me more time to sober up.  I was sick with disappointment.  I could not believe I had turned Ammonia down for Victoria.   Ammonia was right, I could not get her out of my mind.  I wanted to turn around and go back in the worst way.  Ammonia might be a pain in the ass, but she sure knew how ramp up the heat.  Considering how many times I had fantasized a night with Ammonia, I could not believe I was passing her up.

I dreaded going to Victoria's house.  Arriving an hour later than expected, Victoria immediately chewed me out. 

"What took you so long?  Where have you been?"

Fortunately, I was sober enough to lie convincingly.  I simply said it was my job to dance with the female students on Graduation Night and be a good host.  My job came first.  Victoria eyed me suspiciously.  It was a good thing Victoria did not mention Vincent or I might have strangled her.  Victoria was upset about something Michael did, so with a yawn I settled into a chair and listened.  Eventually Victoria got Michael out of her system.  She led me into the bedroom and bestowed her full moon reward.  I thought of Ammonia the whole time.  As I drove home at 3 am, I could not believe I had traded a night of much-needed passion for whining and a perfunctory trip to my tormentor's bedroom.  My life really sucked sometimes. 

Resisting temptation is a lot easier when you think you'll get a second chance down the road.  In this case, I guessed wrong.  As a footnote to this story, I never got another chance.  Ammonia slammed the door shut.  Since Ammonia never lacked for male attention, she found a new way to make me miserable.  That damn Ammonia, any time she saw me at the club, she would throw herself into the arms of the nearest man.  Or she would jump on his lap.  She would fondle his leg and blow kisses in his ear.  After a blatant display, she would smile at me.  Hey, look what you're missing!  It was a cheap trick, but it worked.  She really knew how to get under my skin.  If ever there was a woman I regretted passing on, Ammonia was the one. 

But you want to know something?  I made the right move.  Consequently I never punished myself over the decision.  I felt like I had passed a test.  Had I slept with Ammonia, all hell would have broken loose.  Then what?  Snarling Tiger Woman would have reemerged to start the catfight of the ages.  No doubt the dance studio or the Winchester would have been the battleground.  With my luck, the dirty secret of Doorstep Night started would have been revealed.  All my hard work to make the dance program a joyful place would have gone down the drain.  And so I meekly crawled back into my cage.  Captivity lived on.