MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER NINETY NINE:

SPELLBOUND

Written by Rick Archer 

VICTORIA'S TRANSFORMATION FROM GOOD TO BAD

Have I convinced you that Cosmic Blindness exists?  There is bound to be considerable doubt in your mind, so let's turn to Victoria, my star witness.  Victoria was a riddle for the ages.  When I first met her, Victoria Sunshine was smart, outgoing, warm, charming, full of business acumen.  Not a dumb blonde.  Definitely not.  Victoria was brilliant.  In the space of four months, she doubled the size of my business.  In the space of two more months, she doubled it again.  I had never met a more dynamic woman.  She was a born leader, someone I respected greatly.

During this time, did Victoria make a pass at me?  Absolutely not.  She was not the type.  I could tell she was deeply devoted to her husband.  Victoria talked about Michael in glowing terms.  When she spoke of her past, I got the impression that Victoria was raised to be decent, kind, God-fearing.  I would have wagered serious money that Victoria had never strayed in her marriage. 

In January 1979, the fifth month of our relationship, Victoria threw a fit for the ages.  She had just discovered a mousy dance student named Joanne had a major crush on me.  Her unreasonable Tirade marked the start of Victoria's bizarre transformation from Good Girl to Mean Girl.  It started with the bullying of Joanne, then continued onto my girlfriend Patricia.  Overnight Victoria turned in a backbiting, ostracizing, manipulating bitch.  Using the telephone to spread malicious rumors, Joanne and Patricia never had a chance.  Observing Victoria's fondness for eliminating rivals by hook or crook, I lost respect for her.  Despite my intense sexual attraction, I developed serious doubts about Victoria as a lifetime partner.

Now that Joanne and Patricia were gone, the coast was clear for Victoria to begin her all-out assault.  It started in April 1979.  Victoria put her hand on mine and declared her love.  This continued in May when Victoria declared Michael had given her permission to pursue a 'European Relationship', her way of sugar-coating her interest in having a fling.  Oh really?  Would you mind having Michael give me a call to confirm that?  In June, Victoria began to speak of a serious relationship... her idea, not mine.  However, I was not opposed to the idea.  If Victoria intends to leave her husband, given her immense talent, I would crazy not to see if she was serious. 

Victoria was not easy to resist.  Quite the contrary.  Beautiful, dynamic, Victoria was the best thing to ever happen to my career.  If Victoria could stop acting like a nasty bitch, she fit my dreams of the Perfect Woman.  Unfortunately, the Sunshine aspect of Victoria's personality began to fade.  The meaner she got, the more sexually aggressive she became.  I hated her and wanted her at the same time.  Victoria and I came close to sexual conflagration on several occasions.  Each time we managed to step back from the brink, but these near-misses frightened me.  Fed up with the struggle to keep my temptation under control, I insisted that Victoria back off.  Realizing I was adamantly opposed to having an affair, Victoria responded with her late-June suggestion that we discuss a committed relationship.  Victoria announced she expected to be free following her upcoming July 4th vacation.  Okay, I said, we will talk further when you return.

THE HUSBAND LIST

When Victoria returned from her July 4th vacation, she was singing a different tune.  After speaking with her father and giving it a lot of thought, Victoria had developed a serious case of cold feet.  Victoria blamed her change of heart on her father. 

"Dad said, 'This man does not love you.  He will never marry you.  Disco will be gone tomorrow, Dancing is a fad, and you are being used by a Playboy.'  Rick, I am sorry if this hurts your feelings, but I took my father's words to heart.  My father made me very suspicious of you.  Based on what he said, I became afraid that if I left my husband, you would use me and discard me."   

Victoria said I lacked the ability to support her anywhere near as well as Michael.  Plus she had her daughter to think about.  If Victoria were to leave Michael for me, she would need to bring Stephanie along.  However, since Michael and Stephanie had a close, loving relationship, Victoria was well aware that a decision to leave Michael would cause tremendous pain for everyone involved.   Victoria summed up her change of heart succinctly.  Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. 

Reading between the lines, I got the feeling her practical side had kicked in.  She would be foolish to leave her multi-talented husband for a dance teacher desperately clinging to her coattails.  Okay, I said, if that's the way you feel, let's just be friends.  And I meant that.  Victoria was finally making sense for a change.  No woman would dream of subjecting her husband and daughter to the inevitable pain of being broken apart.  No lines had been crossed; go back to Michael and live happily ever after.

However, Victoria disagreed.  She wanted time to think about it.  Bad decision.  That was the start of Limbo.  Everyone (but her) could see the selfishness involved was inconceivable.  Furthermore, what did Victoria stand to gain?  Disco was a big deal back when Victoria began her pursuit of me.  However, here in July, the emerging threat of Urban Cowboy signaled bad tidings for the future of Disco in Houston.  Hey, Victoria, read the tea leaves!  I was a man with suspect social skills who had been dismissed from graduate school.  Big Red Flag.  I had a low-paying job, a shaky future and little savings.  More Red Flags.  Furthermore, there was no guarantee this proposed relationship would even work.  I had no experience as a father.  How well would I click with Stephanie?  And what about my creepy old house with rotten wood? 

When Victoria announced her intention to back off, I understood her reluctance completely.  How many red flags does a girl need?  Every one of her objections had been crystal clear to me.  I knew full well the risk involved in responding to Victoria's inexplicable attraction was enormous.  However, for fear of awakening the Snarling Tiger Woman, I had learned to keep my objections to myself.  Therefore I was thrilled to hear Victoria admit her misgivings.  Hey, Vic, no hard feelings!  Just let me off the hook and I know a dozen women I would like to call for a date.  As politely as humanly possible, I told Victoria I saw her point and complimented her on being forthright.  What I did not say was I had never really believed her in the first place when she said she was going to be free soon.  I had only entertained the idea due to her extreme importance to the dance studio.  So the Nightmare is over, right?  Mrs. Hyde is finally behaving like a reasonable human being again.  Wrong.  Mrs. Hyde soon resurfaced.  What happened next is the stuff of legend in our twisted relationship.  Put your seat belts on, here comes 'The Husband List'.

The Husband List was the single most remarkable moment in the ten month January-October Countdown to Disaster.  Taking place in mid-July, Victoria was two weeks into her Cold Feet stage when she asked to meet at a coffee shop.  Victoria admitted she was having trouble making up her mind.  Given that I was already disgusted, what part of 'This will never work' did she not understand?  My dread increased when Victoria reached in her pocketbook and handed me a piece of paper to study.  Victoria proceeded to go over the Husband List point by point.  I watched in stunned silence as Victoria compared me to Michael. 

• Victoria compared my socio-economic status to that of her husband.  I came in second.  Make that a 'distant' second. 

• Victoria compared the social status of my job to that of her husband.  Again I came in second.  Michael was a much-praised researcher in an important field while I was a lowly dance teacher her father compared to a gigolo. 

• Victoria compared our educational background.  I came in second.  Her husband had a doctorate, I had a bachelor's degree.  Victoria almost added 'graduate school failure', but bit her tongue at the last second.  I got the point anyway.

• Victoria compared our job stability.  I came in a poor second due to Urban Cowboy.  I could lose my job any day now. 

• Victoria compared our houses.  My house finished somewhere around 100 in a two-house competition.  Sad to say, I agreed with her.  Victoria had a much better house.

• Victoria compared our track record as husband.  Michael was rated as superior.  Beside my name was "does not apply". 

• Victoria compared our track record as father.  Michael was an excellent father.  Beside my name was "does not apply". 

Setting the List down, Victoria spoke of Intangibles.  Michael exuded Security, Reliability.  Me?  Not so much.  Michael was outgoing, friendly, confident.  Me?  Not so much.  Victoria did not have a single word of praise, not even for my exquisite sense of sarcasm.  Filled with outrage, I stared at Victoria in disbelief.  Her father's Gigolo-Playboy Insult had been bad enough, but this was far worse.  I had never been more insulted in my life.  Victoria's put-down ranked right up there with Murphy's Curse in high school and Fujimoto's Dismissal Letter from Graduate School.  Was Victoria deliberately being cruel or was she just that insensitive?  It wasn't that I disagreed with her.  In fact I completely agreed with every conclusion.  Heck, I could have written that Husband List myself.  I had known these things for a long time.  But the List did raise an important question. 

If Victoria really feels that I am a distant second best at everything, then why is she talking about leaving her husband?

Victoria made it clear that Michael's Positives far exceeded mine.  But what about the Negatives?  Victoria could only think of one.  I had known this woman for nearly a year and the only thing she had ever objected to was Michael's tendency to work too long and too hard.  Huh?  What kind of wife objects to that?  At some point, Victoria had to understand that evolution and survival of the fittest favored men who tried as hard as possible to succeed in their career.  In fact, Victoria admitted she married Michael because he was the smartest, most talented man she had ever met.  So now she is criticizing Michael for pursuing his life's work?  Unable to name a single reason why she would choose me over her husband, Victoria had just made it painfully clear Michael was the Better Man. 

Okay, I get it.  So what's the hold-up?  She said Michael was guilty of ignoring her.  Okay, then talk it over.  Did Victoria really require round the clock praise and attention?  Maybe so.  Maybe that explained why she craved the night life.  Many women have the same drive for achievement.  So work it out, Victoria!  Good grief, you are gone four to five nights of the week!  Is that really necessary?  For the sake of your marriage and your child, find a compromise.

Hollywood is legendary for actresses falling for her leading man and vice versa.  Something similar had happened to us.  However, those days were over.  The combination of the bizarre Dance Curse and rapidly dwindling attendance at the studio courtesy of John Travolta spelled doom for my career.  Once you removed 'Glory', there was no solid reason to keep me around.  Which brings me to another point.  Once Disco was gone, the ties that bound us would be gone and I would serve no further purpose to this woman's quest to be the Supreme Diva of Disco.  For a woman who worshipped at the Altar of Security, why was Victoria having so much trouble making up her mind?  To me, the right choice was obvious as the sun in the sky.  Did I have to hire a plane to sky-write the message in bold letters?  Good grief, Victoria had just marked Michael as the winner in every category.  I am completely serious.  Michael was rated Superior as a husband and a father.  Not only that, he made a lot more money than I did and his job provided medical insurance.  Meanwhile I had a house with a roof leak.  Seriously, what was her problem?  What more could any woman wish for?  

Victoria said she loved me.  And you want to know something?  I think she was sincere.  Or at least she was sincere when she said it.  Okay, Victoria loves me.  No one ever said that Love has to make sense.  But that still did not explain the mystery of why Victoria would allow her Love to ruin Michael's life.  Lots of people feel attraction for someone else, but they still find the decency to honor their marital vow, especially for a man like Michael who never did anything I know of to deserve Victoria's betrayal. 

Let's leave Michael out of it for a moment.  What about Stephanie?  What made Victoria's maternal instinct go haywire?  Victoria was a remarkable mother.  Victoria loved her daughter with a passion.  Knowing how much Stephanie loved her father, knowing how important security is to a child, knowing how comfortable the girl was in her own home, knowing their neighborhood was safe and the nearby schools excellent, it seemed impossible that a mother of this caliber would dream of jeopardizing her daughter's happiness. 

What woman in her right mind would deliberately hurt a caring husband like Michael?  

What mother in her right mind would rip her daughter from the child's father without a compelling REASON? 

How could Victoria justify making her daughter live in an broken down house given the beautiful home they currently lived in?

What possible REASON did Victoria use to justify chasing the frivolous Disco dance scene? 

What was the point of pursuing a dance teacher whose career threatened to collapse at the end of the year?

In my opinion, Victoria's behavior leading up to Doorstep Night was beyond irrational.  Her behavior made so little sense, I believe Victoria was operating under the spell of Cosmic Blindness.  No other explanation will ever satisfy me.  Love is Blind. 

LIMBO MONTH TWENTY FOUR
JUNE 1981

SPELLBOUND

Doorstep Night came about because I needed to be free of Victoria's entanglement so I could pursue Jennifer.  So after three months of Victoria's hem and haw, I gave her an ultimatum.  Time's up, me or Michael, choose now.  Given what I knew about Victoria's preference for comfort and security, I pegged the odds at 99 to 1 she would choose Michael.  I based this assessment primarily on Victoria's Husband List.  Victoria had rated Michael as vastly superior in seven important categories: more money, more prestige, more education, more stability, better home, proven husband ability, proven father ability.  By her own admission, Michael was the Better Man.

Against all odds, Victoria chose me instead.  I was baffled.  Why would a woman choose the man she considered inferior?  This led me to wonder if there was another aspect to Cosmic Blindness.  Call it 'Short-term' versus 'Long-term'.  Short-term Stupidity renders you stupid for a night.  Long-term Stupidity renders you blind for a period of time, sort of like an Evil Spell.  From my perspective, we both suffered an attack of Cosmic Stupidity on Doorstep Night, October 1979.  But it was now June 1981 and Victoria was still crazy.  Do you need more proof?  If so, just wait for the full story of Madame X the Second. 

Given that Victoria's Transformation from Good to Bad actually dated back to January 1979, I was looking one and a half years of irrational behavior with no end in sight.  Whatever happened to Sunshine Victoria?  Will I ever see her again?  It was about this point that I entered the realm of Fairy Tales.   Was it possible that Victoria suffered under the influence of an Evil Spell? 

To me, the phrase 'Love is Blind' suggests the irrational nature of Love has troubled the human race since the beginning of time.  This phrase implies that everyone knows Love makes people do some really crazy things.  The problem is that no one understands WHY.  How can a Rational people understand the behavior of Irrational people?  For lack of a decent explanation, they blame it on everything from Voodoo to phases of the Moon.  However, in the end NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHY LOVE MAKES PEOPLE CRAZY. 

I doubt I am the only person who believes there should be a legitimate reason WHY one person is attracted is another.  Just give me one good reason why Victoria would choose me over Michael.  Just give me one good reason why Victoria would consider uprooting her daughter for me.  Oh, don't bother.  In Victoria's case, there was no logical reason.  Her highly disparaging Husband List was all the proof I needed to confirm Victoria had chosen me in direct contradiction to her own conclusions.  Even crazier, she continued to hang onto me long after Disco had lost its luster. 

Having exhausted all Realistic Reasons for her behavior, I turned to the Realm of the Supernatural for an answer.  I wondered if it was possible that Love-related foolish behavior could be traced to seeing people with Blinders on.  Perhaps Victoria was Spellbound.  There are all kinds of phrases related to Love and Misperception.  'Rose-colored glasses', 'Opposites attract', 'Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder'. 

"What does she see in him?"  If Victoria was Spellbound, that might cause her to see me in a favorable way that would make no sense to an unaffected person.  Not only did Victoria turn a Blind Eye to her husband, she must have seen something in me no one else could see.  Victoria knew Michael was better for her, but she preferred me.  WHY?  Victoria's Husband List was a remarkable event because it gave evidence that the unaffected part of her mind could see clearly.  Victoria's inability to follow her own advice is what led to Doorstep Night.

The phrase 'Take Back' refers to extreme regret over a poor decision regarding a sexual foray.  On Doorstep Night, Victoria had asked me to give our Love an honest chance.  "Rick, all I ask is that you recognize we have the chance to be Very Special together."

Victoria's impassioned plea is what persuaded me to go through with this Very Bad Idea.  Unfortunately, Victoria's rose-colored promise vanished the moment we crossed the Forbidden Line.  Victoria went berserk with grief.  And with that, the Glow of Love was gone.  So much for her promise that we could be special.  Her rosy optimism was replaced by enormous guilt.  Now that she saw things in a much different light, Victoria's realization drove her to the edge of madness.  Watching her wail, I felt burned, deceived, and played.  Five minutes ago I was Very Special.  Now I was a Take Back.

Why did she willingly overlook her own sensible conclusions?  When the referee makes a bad call, we say the ref is Blind.  So was Victoria.  Her tears told the story.  She was well aware she had made a bad decision.  So admit your mistake and move on, right?  Not Victoria.  Here we were, June 1981, nearly two years later.  Victoria was still ignoring me and asking me to stick around at the same time.  As they say in the movies, why couldn't she 'Quit me'? 

Given that I was alone much of the time, I had plenty of opportunity to speculate.  I asked why 'Love' can be true sometimes, but other times absolutely delusional.  The weird change that came over Victoria on Doorstep Night was exactly the reaction a woman would have if the Blinders were suddenly removed.  Her horrified expression conveyed that Victoria was seeing me in a much different light.  Now that the thrill was gone, from here on out, Victoria was at best mildly fond of me.  Okay, the poor woman finally had some sense knocked into her.  So let's go back to being friends.  Nope.  Victoria insisted on keeping me around as her boyfriend.   I was appalled.  Why not cut her losses and move on?  Because, as Ms. Rowling suggests, Talent and Intelligence will not inoculate anyone against the caprice of the fates.  Because humans have a curious knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.  Because LOVE IS BLIND. 

As Limbo Captivity neared the two-year mark, I was increasingly convinced that Victoria was still Spellbound.

Where do you suppose the belief in Witches came from?  Where do you suppose the belief in Curses came from?  Where do you suppose the belief in the Devil came from?

I contend the belief in Unseen Forces emerged because people repeatedly saw otherwise sensible humans lose their minds for no good reason.  Unable to see any sort of cause and effect to explain these unexplained tragedies, all sorts of theories emerged.  The Greeks blamed interfering Olympic Gods.  Freud suggested unconscious psychological neuroses.  Religious leaders championed evil in the form of Witches, Curses, and the Devil. 

Victoria leads an exemplary life.  Then one day for no obvious reason she goes out of her mind and betrays a good man who has treated her with kindness throughout their marriage.  What the hell is wrong with this woman?  When someone like Victoria goes haywire, how do we explain her sudden attack of uncharacteristic madness?  We all know that Evil exists, but none of us know why.  Freud blames the Unconscious.  Edgar Cayce blames Reincarnation.  A priest blames the Devil.  Salem Village blames a Witch.  Jamaicans blame Voodoo.  I contend that all these different ideas exist because none of us can adequately explain why good people go bad for no obvious reason. 

Here is my theory.  Personally, I prefer Reincarnation.  Why?  I think there are God's Laws.  When we break these laws, we will be punished sooner or later, maybe during this lifetime, maybe during the afterlife, maybe in another lifetime.  However, since no one has any idea what Victoria did wrong in this lifetime to deserve her descent into oblivion, perhaps Bad Karma from a previous life was responsible.  However, let's save that for another time.

People who do not believe in Reincarnation are left with two choices: Psychology or the existence of Evil.  What would be the psychological explanation?  Don't ask me.  Although I agreed with the main principles of Psychology, Victoria defied anything in my experience.  I was more inclined to think into terms of 'Exorcism'.  Yes, I am teasing, but... maybe not.  There were times when the realm of Witches, Curses, and the Devil no longer seemed far-fetched. 

Ultimately, I decided the best explanation was Fate.  Victoria behaved as if she was Cursed.  I believed a Spell had been placed on her mind to lead her unwittingly into a predetermined Fate. 

Can I prove this?  No, of course not.  Listen, guys, I am a normal person.  If you cut me with a knife, I will bleed.  I am aging just like everyone else.  I have never had a vision.  I have never seen a ghost.  I have never had a Mystic reveal the secrets of the Hidden World.  The only thing I can say in my defense is that I not crazy.  Misguided perhaps, but not crazy.  My observation of Victoria revealed contradictions in her behavior that were not only senseless, they were extreme enough to suggest she was under the influence of Fate.  

Victoria claimed she saw something Special in me.  But what?  Based on the Husband List, I could not imagine what she could possibly be talking about.  Furthermore, what made me 'Special' one moment, but not the next?  I cringed when I saw the horror on Victoria's face after we crossed the Forbidden Line.  Staring at me as if I was some sort of monster, I had gone from Hero to Zero in a flash.  Whatever was Special about me beforehand, Victoria wasn't seeing it anymore.  This bizarre change in Victoria's outlook combined with the irrational quality of her behavior leading up to the event made me look outside the box for answers.  Psychology assumes disease of the mind can be explained by examining life experiences.  I could not accept that.  There was nothing about Victoria's Perfect Life to date to explain why she would turn into a Blind Fool. 

What does 'Beauty is in the eye of beholder' really mean?  Victoria's wildly erratic behavior suggests Cosmic Blindness can force a person to see what he or she is meant to see in order to bypass their better judgment.  If Victoria's eyes had been modified to see me through a filter, that would explain her brief preference for me over her clearly superior husband.  No matter how crazy that sounds, this explanation made sense to me.  I believed Victoria had been rendered Blind to temporarily promote me over Michael in her eyes. 

AUGUSTUS CAESAR

Ignore my far-fetched theory about Spells and Cosmic Blindness for a moment.  I think we can all agree that history is chock full of stories where ambitious women have discarded their first husband in search of an upgrade, i.e. the Better Man.  Famous examples include Isabella of France.  Known as the 'She-Wolf of France', in 1327 Isabella led an invasion of England that resulted in the ouster, then murder of her husband, King Edward II.  In 1762, Catherine the Great overthrew her husband, the Russian Emperor Peter III.  Peter was assassinated by Catherine's supporters eight days later.

Murder is effective, but Divorce is often preferable.  My favorite story of Royal Upgrade involves Augustus Caesar, Rome's greatest emperor.  Augustus is the perfect example of why some wives dump their husbands in pursuit of the Better Man.  Augustus had proven to be a much-capable Successor to his uncle Julius.  He was currently in the process of doubling the size the Roman Empire.  As his conquests mounted, it was no surprise that ambitious Roman women were keeping a careful eye on this talented up and comer. 

One of those women was Livia, a real beauty and social climber of the first order.  She had just been voted the most cunning participant on the Real Housewives of Decadent Rome.  Married?  Yes.  Housewife?  Yes.  Livia was married with two children.  Unfortunately, Livia was not happy.  Her current husband was only the tenth richest man in Rome.  Livia knew she could do better.  Filled with unchecked ambition, Livia dreamed one of her sons could be Emperor.  (She succeeded with Tiberius).  A marriage to Augustus might just do the trick.  For that matter, with Augustus at her side, maybe Livia could get herself elevated to Godlike status, have some statues and temples dedicated to her.  It did not matter that Livia was already married.  It did not matter that Augustus was already married.  Livia wanted Augustus, so she went after him with a passion and triumphed. 

Okay, that makes sense.  Augustus Caesar was an obvious upgrade.  Furthermore we can agree that sometimes our first choice of spouse leaves something to be desired.  However, was Rick Archer a legitimate upgrade over Michael?  Come on now.  Be serious.  Let's face it, Dance Teachers are typically lumped with bartenders, hair dressers, and gigolos.  We are little better than whipped cream, tasty and fun, but unsustainable over the long term.  Dance Teachers are frivolous and amusing lovers.  However they are easily discarded when someone better comes along.  Just ask all my ex-girlfriends. 

On the other hand, Michael exuded meat and potatoes.  When it came to husband material, Michael could not be beaten (definitely not by me).  More education, more money, more prestige, more substance.  Heck, Michael was even better-looking.  I'm surprised Victoria didn't add that to the List. 

I suppose Victoria considered me cute enough for a fling, but the attraction stopped there.  I was hardly man enough to justify leaving Michael, recently chosen to the All-Pro Husband team.  If you believe I was irresistible, then you haven't been following the bouncing ball.  I was no Adonis.  Nor was I any sort of sweet-talking silver-tongued devil.  Au contraire!  According to Victoria's father, I was little better than gypsies, tramps and thieves.

At the onset of Victoria's infatuation, I was Disco Hot Stuff.  However, the Dancing Cowboy put a swift end to any charisma I once held.  With Urban Cowboy on the horizon, I faced extinction of my career at the end of the year.  I had long been told that Excellence is the greatest aphrodisiac known to women.  Every man knows that women are instinctively drawn to power as surely as moths to flame.  Was I this kind of Excellent?  No.  But I know someone who was.  Augustus Caesar!  Just ask Livia.  She is proof that ambitious women prefer to chase Excellence.  But what about me?  I was no Augustus Caesar, so how do we explain Victoria's preference for me over Michael.  If you listened to her, Michael had recently been named to the Husband Hall of Fame.

Unfortunately, there are no famous stories about Alpha women who chased the Lesser Man.  Not even a fairy tale!  That just goes to show how absurd my situation was.  Given a lack of case histories to study, Victoria's reverse mindset is baffling to say the least.  What did Victoria see in me she didn't already have in Michael?  According to the Husband List, not a damn thing!  Hard as it was to believe, Victoria wanted to dump the Better Man for the Lesser Man.  This had to be the greatest upset in history, a veritable celebration for the Power of Male Mediocrity.  Blessed are the meek, the weak and the geek!  A story for the ages, the 90-pound weakling kicks sand in the bully's face, the Pauper beats the Prince for the hand of yon fair maiden. 

You know what?  I don't actually enjoy putting myself down.  Over time, I think I turned out okay.  However, for my theory of an Evil Spell to have any credibility, it is important I paint an accurate, rather unflattering picture of this upside-down Fractured Fairy Tale. 

Given that my self-esteem around highly desirable women was dubious, what were my chances with Victoria?  Stunned by her brilliance as she elevated the dance program to dizzy new heights, I rapidly determined Victoria was way out of my league.  Therefore, I refused to let down my guard from the moment she proclaimed Undying Love.  Certain that she was toying with me, I was always fearful Victoria would drop me like a hot potato the moment she came to her senses.  And, sure enough, after having sex with me on Doorstep Night, that is exactly what she did.  Ouch!   

So answer this question:  Why do you suppose a Beautiful Princess would recklessly pursue the Frog when she was already married to a perfectly good Prince?  Do you have a better explanation than Cosmic Blindness?

What I am trying to say is we were not Equals.  I was Mortal, she was Goddess.  Victoria could have any man she wanted including the Prince she already had.  If I could foretell the utter hopelessness of any lasting future with the greatest of ease, then why couldn't Victoria see the same thing?   At midnight on Doorstep Night, she took me to bed.  Five minutes later she screamed in horror.  Now that someone had removed the blinders, Victoria realized she had just swapped the Better Man for a washed-up Disco teacher.  The fact that Victoria gave up on me so quickly strongly underlined my assertion that she operated under a Spell.

MIDSUMMER'S NIGHT DREAM

Victoria's alternating opinion reminded me of Shakespeare's Midsummer's Night Dream, a play I had seen in college.  While pondering the possibility that a Love Filter can be placed over our eyes, my mind drifted to the scene where the beautiful Queen Tatiana falls under a Magic Spell in the forest.  Rendered blind by a Magic Love Potion, when Tatiana wakes up, she falls in love with the first thing she sees, a donkey.  The audience roars as the Queen fondly kisses the animal.  With a rueful smile, I noticed the parallel of my relationship to the kissing scene.  I was Queen Victoria's Donkey.  She was besotted with me because her eyes had been altered by a Fractured Love Potion.

Let me carry my Spellbound Theory a step further.  Let's say it is the Fate of Victoria to engage in an affair with Rick.  Only one problem.  Sunshine Victoria is a virtuous woman who deeply loves her husband.  Not only that, in her eyes, Rick is inferior to her husband.  Since Victoria knows right from wrong, how does one persuade her to betray Michael, the man she loves?

Anyone who has seen Midsummer's Night Dream knows the answer.  You have to drug her.  Since her morals preclude betraying her husband, there is no other way.  Bring out the pixie dust and cast the Spell.  Next thing you know, Victoria sees Rick through Rose-Colored Glasses. 

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder and suddenly Rick is looking pretty good.  With Rick starting to resemble Augustus Caesar, Victoria is deluded into believing the Almighty Throne of Disco Queen justifies committing an unthinkable act.  And so she goes knocking on the Donkey's Doorstep.

My explanation for Doorstep Night is that Victoria was the victim of a Spell.  Absurd.  Preposterous.  Ridiculous.  Insane.  I get that.  And if the Reader doesn't agree, I am okay with that.  All I know is that Cosmic Blindness is the only explanation that has ever felt right to me.  Apparently Shakespeare was fond of the idea.  Likewise J.K. Rowling.  Spells and Potions are commonplace in her world of Magic.  But then that's just fantasy. 

Or is it Fantasy?  Do these ideas exist in fantasy form because it is dangerous to openly suggest our belief in Free Will requires an asterisk? 

I concluded that some sort of Spell had inflated my value over Michael enough to make Victoria cross-eyed.  However, the moment we violated the Forbidden Line, the Spell was removed.  This allowed Victoria to come to her senses.  Victoria screamed the moment she realized kissing me was the dumbest thing she had ever done.  All those years of marriage to a fine man had gone down the drain in a blinding flash of colossal stupidity.  Just to be sure, Victoria had sex with me a second time a few nights later.  When her second try was as bad as the first, Victoria was full of despair.

"Whatever possessed me to think living with Rick in this awful house was the right thing to do?  I will never bring my daughter here as long as I live." 

Which is correct.  Stephanie never stepped inside my house.

Admitting defeat, Victoria moved back home.  Now that she had me, she didn't want me.  However she insisted I stick around while she waged a prolonged battle of wills with Michael.  Haunted by guilt, gone were the days when she couldn't keep her hands off me.  Keeping me at arm's length, in the months to follow Victoria treated me like a spare tire.  We never kissed, never hugged, there was little warmth. 

A year and a half after Doorstep Night, Victoria's divorce was final.  Would this dramatic event change things between us?  Now that the guilt and fear of losing custody were behind her, Victoria might want to take a closer look at me.  If so, I had mixed feelings.  Due to my role as the Frequently Ignored Boyfriend, I would be horrified if Ms. Hyde were to come after me with abandon.  That was the stuff of nightmares.  But what if Ms. Jekyll, aka Sunshine Victoria, were to make a reappearance? 

To my surprise, that possibility interested me.  I remembered Victoria had spoken of being Special together.  I also remembered the passion I had once felt for her.  You know what, if Sunshine Victoria were available, I might actually be interested.  I had not seen Sunshine Victoria for two years, but if divorce could shake her out of this miserable fog she operated under, I would give her a second chance. 

Did Victoria show renewed interest?  No!  Victoria made it clear I should stick around, but there was one change so bizarre I never saw it coming.  Victoria had the nerve to inform me she intended to date a couple guys she knew from the studio.  What a slap in the face.  Nor did she stop there.  When I pointed out I would begin dating as well, Victoria had the nerve to insist I was still not allowed to date other women.  After all, she said, right now she was too fragile following the divorce to risk losing me.  Maybe she was right about that fragility.  The moment Madame X the Second appeared, Victoria went flying off the deep end.  Nope, still not cured.  

Before we discuss Madame X the Second, let me summarize.

Victoria pursued me with reckless abandon for close to a year.  The moment we crossed the Forbidden Line, that passion disappeared never to return.  I contend Victoria's sudden loss of interest supports my 'Donkey Theory'.

I know it sounds crazy, but Victoria's confusion suggests that her perception of me was manipulated by some sort of spell.  When they say 'Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder', somehow Victoria's opinion of me was artificially inflated above her husband.  Truth be told, an impartial jury would agree Michael had a clear edge on me.  Although I had a few things going for me, compared to Michael I was hardly the Better Man. 

However, for a while there Victoria could not see this.  She appeared to operate under an Evil Spell which caused her to drift down a blind alley.  However, once our Fate was sealed, the Spell was no longer necessary.  After the Blinders were removed, she resumed seeing me the same way as the day her Husband List proclaimed my inferiority to Michael.  Unfortunately, it was too late to get him back.  The Better Man wanted out. 

Laugh if you wish, but I say Cosmic Blindness fits Victoria's erratic behavior to perfection.  I believe there will be times in every person's life when our minds are secretly manipulated to lead us to our Fate.  That is why I say that Love is Blind.