MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED ONE:

RECONCILIATION

Written by Rick Archer 

LIMBO MONTH TWENTY SIX
AUGUST 1981

DISASTER AND TRANSFORMATION

During Victoria's whack job on Susan, I had the sense to remain an innocent bystander.  Even though I disapproved mightily of Victoria's behavior, I kept my opinion to myself.  There are benefits to learning from experience.  I had yet to make a single serious mistake this entire year.  Throughout the recent Vincent, Ammonia, and Jane episodes, I had played my cards with consummate skill.  I could have thrown a jealous fit over Vincent... but I didn't.  I could have chased Ammonia like I had chased Joanne two years earlier... but I didn't.  As for Jane, I had exercised far more caution with her than I had with Victoria in a similar situation.  Although I despised my monastic lifestyle, nevertheless I kept Jann and other interested parties at arm's length.  I had learned my lesson... do not play with fire when there is a Snarling Tiger Woman on the prowl!

Poor Michael.  The moment Sleeping Beauty awoke from her Spell, Victoria decided to win Michael back.  Her first step was to eliminate Michael's girlfriend in a fairly violent way.  Mission accomplished.  Now she trained her gun sights on her former husband.

After seeing Susan leave screaming for safety, I imagine Michael wanted to strangle Victoria.  I really felt sorry for the guy.  In addition to the loss of his love, it looked like Michael had accidentally gotten Victoria infatuated with him again.  Previously I thought this might be a good thing for both of them, but now I wasn't so sure.  Following the bizarre confrontation in Michael's house, I thought Victoria's renewed interest was the worst fate that could possibly befall him.  What man would dream of reuniting with a psychotic?

Continuing my waiting game with Victoria, I religiously adhered to my Nice Kitty script.  In addition to giving Victoria a sounding board, I remained as innocuous around her as humanly possible.  With my role reduced to Dear Abby, Victoria trained her eyes on her ex-husband. 

I crossed my fingers.  Now that Victoria's attention had turned away from me, perhaps she would relinquish her hold.  Nope.  No such luck.  Just when I thought my freedom was at hand, there was a terrible development.  Susan's demise was followed in short order by some very sad news.  Victoria's therapist Charlotte had just taken a sudden turn for the worse.  With Victoria teetering on the edge of sheer lunacy, Charlotte's crisis could not have come at a worse time.  Ordinarily cancer takes forever to claim its victims, but Charlotte went fast.  The poor woman died late in August.

Understandably, Victoria was very shaken.  Charlotte's death was tough for her to accept.  Assuming Victoria would go off the deep end, I braced myself for a new onslaught of histrionics.  However I guessed wrong.  To my wonderment, Victoria emerged from her pain a remarkably different person.  Once Victoria set her sights on winning Michael back, she began turning into her former self again.  It was the return of Sunshine Victoria, or at least she was headed that way.  This was one development I never saw coming!!

In a very strange, very touching way, Charlotte's death had a healing impact on Victoria.  Charlotte's death was a wake-up call of sorts.  Victoria had been a decent, caring person when I first met her.  However, ever since Victoria first showed her dark side towards Joanne at the Pistachio Christmas Party back in December 1978, she had behaved terribly.  For the past two and a half years, Victoria alternated between selfish bitch, drama queen and spoiled diva.  I had watched in horror as this lady behaved in ways that stretched the limits of credulity.  Now, however, without Charlotte to use as her crutch, Victoria magically snapped back to her senses.  Victoria seemed to take the passing of her kind-hearted friend as an inspiration to put the past behind her and start acting like an adult again.  I am serious about this.  Up till now, Victoria had resisted her therapist's advice to seek forgiveness with Michael.  Charlotte's death seemed to remove the remaining blinders from her eyes. 

I think on some level Victoria decided to rediscover her good side as tribute to her fallen friend.  This led to a startling transformation.  First the Snarling Tiger Woman disappeared.  I don't recall ever seeing another tantrum.  Instead Sunshine Victoria returned the moment she began to court Michael again.  With her energies focused on something positive, lo and behold, for the first time in nearly three years, Victoria began to treat Michael with real warmth.  In so doing, Victoria began to see Michael in a whole new light... what a good father he was, what a decent man he was, what a hard-working, successful researcher he was, and so on.  She also remembered how secure Michael made her feel.  To her amazement, Victoria discovered the guy she had once loved was also the guy she still loved.  Wonders never cease.  Miracles never cease. 

What did I think about this?  It seemed to me Charlotte's passing marked the end of Victoria's Darkest Day.  In addition, Victoria's change of heart further reinforced my belief in Cosmic Blindness.   Watching Victoria return to normal was like seeing Sleeping Beauty emerge from sleep with her spell removed.  This was all very strange in a touching fairy tale kind of way.  Victoria had run off with the villain dance teacher, but now she was ready to climb back into the arms of her Prince.  I was much too old to believe in Fairy Tales, but I swear that was how this latest chapter unfolded.  It was like the real Victoria had finally awakened from her trance.

Although I was incredulous, this was exactly what I had hoped for all along.  However I was far from certain that it would work.  I mean, how often do fairy tales come true?  Mae West, our resident philosopher, once said, "All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else."  I was with Mae West on this one and figured Michael was too.  The chance that Michael would ever forgive Victoria after the stunt she pulled with Susan was a long shot.  And what about me?  I don't know what Victoria told him, but he had to know I was still in the picture.  How was Michael supposed to know where I stood with her?  Surely he was still haunted by suspicion and bitterness towards me as well as towards Victoria.  After all the mean words, defiance, rebellion and betrayal, how could this man ever forgive the pain Victoria had inflicted?  How could Michael ever trust Victoria again after what she had put him through over the past three years?

Despite much thought on the matter, I still had yet to figure out what Michael had ever done to deserve this treatment in the first place.  It would be one thing for a man to cheat on his wife or be an overbearing monster.  I could understood why a woman would cheat on a man like that.  But why would a woman cheat on a decent, faithful, hard-working man like Michael? 

It never made a bit of sense to me why Victoria had treated Michael so badly.  Fortunately, Michael had some forgiveness left in him.  I saw that as something remarkable, a true miracle.  Despite what had to be intense bitterness at the unfairness of it all, Michael met Victoria half-way.  No doubt he realized how badly Stephanie missed him.  I am sure the potential to be reunited with his daughter on a full-time basis played a major role in his decision to keep an open mind. 

I had an interesting theory.  Perhaps the absurd lengths Victoria had gone to chase Susan off had touched Michael in way that went way beyond rational thought.  They say Love doesn't always have to make sense.  Who can fathom the ties that bind a man and a woman together?  Michael had heard Victoria tell Susan that he would always belong to her.  Perhaps Victoria's reckless behavior had shown Michael just how much she really loved him 'deep down'.  Following Victoria's bizarre display of devotion, I wondered if Michael believed her claim.  For that matter, did Michael believe it was possible for Victoria to return to the gifted woman he had once married? 

If I had I been in Michael's shoes, I would have been hard pressed to take Victoria back.  That is why I was stunned when Michael opened his arms to his former wife.  Despite my surprise, I applauded his decision.  Michael was a far kinder man than me.  My own nature was not forgiving.  If it was me, I would never go back to Victoria.  Vanessa, Patricia, Jennifer, Victoria... my trust towards women was in short supply these days.  Therefore it was difficult for me to comprehend the willingness of Michael to attempt the risky process of healing their wounds.  Nevertheless, once I accepted that Michael was sincerely trying to do the right thing despite long odds, I greatly admired his courage. 

Throughout this period, I was very much in touch with a sense of regret.  Michael was a man I had long respected for his inherent decency.  It crushed me to know how much my own actions had hurt him and yet he had never lashed out at me.  What a shame that I had failed to resist the charms of his beautiful wife.  Well, perhaps my time of penance could lead to something good.  Not only did I owe it to Victoria to help repair her marriage, I owed it to Michael as well.  I vowed to support both him and Victoria any way I could.  If these two could work it out, then perhaps someday I could retrieve my fallen halo.

Michael and Victoria embarked on a Reunion Tour during the Autumn.  Once Susan disappeared, so did Vincent.  As for me, my random invitations to Victoria's bed had been discontinued the moment Susan appeared back in May.  Not that I minded.  I was beyond relieved to see my boyfriend status downgraded to friend.  Or was it?  Unfortunately, the Reunion Tour did not go smoothly at all.  I had been a spectator throughout the summer, but Charlotte's death forced Victoria to take her spare tire out of the trunk and put me to use.  During her many ups and downs that Fall, she called on me for support many times.  Although this development came as a surprise, I was glad to help.  After helping Victoria tear down the house, I leapt at the chance to rebuild it.  Every time there was a problem, Victoria came running to me.  Who else?  Charlotte was gone.  That left it up to me to continue Charlotte's work of guiding Victoria back to Michael. 

So was I some sort of noble White Knight?  I wouldn't go that far.  My first reaction was to groan.  When will this ever end?  However, once I realized that Michael and Victoria's Reunion Tour would never work without my help, I changed my attitude.  After all the damage I had been involved in, I hardly wanted to be the reason the Fairy Tale ending failed to be a happy one.  I had asked for a chance to atone for my mistakes, so here it was.  Get to work.  That explains why I voluntarily committed to an extended tour of Limbo Captivity.  Typical Victoria.  As usual, she assumed I didn't mind at all sticking around as her security blanket.  Yes, I did mind, but I cooperated anyway because I was rooting for her to succeed.  I soon realized this process depended on me far more than I anticipated.  Every time Victoria got angry or discouraged, she came to me for sympathy.  I would cheer her up, then push her back into the fray.  Not that I expected a medal, but it was satisfying to know my help made a real difference. 

I barely recognized Victoria any more.  Despite the frequent bumps in the road, this was the happiest I had seen her in ages.  Sure enough, around the time of Halloween, Victoria told me that she and Michael had discussed the possibility that Michael would move back home.  For the first time, I heard Victoria whisper the word 'Reconciliation'.  I liked the sound of that word. 

AUGUST 1981 

LABELING PARTIES

So where was my head at these days?  Now that I had emerged from my post-Jane blues, I was in a pretty good mood.  I was pleased to see the old Victoria show signs of life and thrilled by her decision to start seeing Michael.  I crossed my fingers and hoped it would work out.  The dance studio was awesome.  It was purring along like a well-oiled machine. 

However, the popularity of the studio did cause some growing pains.  The overcrowding problem continued to be an issue.  My students teased me about my life of leisure.  In their minds I showed up at 7 pm, taught for two hours, then went dancing for a couple hours.  After a night of fun, theoretically I went home, read a book, then slept till noon.  I got to have fun all day long while they had to slave at their difficult 9-5 jobs. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  I was a one-man band.  I returned answering machine phone messages starting at 9 am.  I answered phone calls all day long from people who were considering dance lessons.  I had to pay bills and answer written correspondence back in the days before email. 

My biggest headache was preparing the schedule.  I mailed out schedules six times a year.  These schedules listed upcoming dance classes over a two-month period and announced upcoming social events such as our next two Winchester Graduation Nights.  It was time-consuming to create each schedule and it was even more work to mail out schedules to promote future classes.

At this point I had well over 1,000 names on the SSQQ Mailing List.  It was a huge undertaking to prepare so many schedules for mailing, especially since my understanding of computers had not yet emerged to lighten the load.  For a while there I hand-wrote the addresses on each schedule.  That took forever!  Then someone suggested I type out a master list in a special format which could be copied onto removable address labels.  That helped ease the load, but the task of updating this list was a neverending chore.  

Keeping the mailing list updated was bad enough, but there was more.  To save money, I used bulk mail.  An address label had to be placed on every flyer, flyers had to be organized and rubber-banded by zip code, then bundled into canvas bags.  Plus the exciting trip to the Post Office where I was invariably told to correct some piddly mistake.  One day I couldn't take it any more.  Sending out the schedule was such a big project that I decided to ask my students to help.  To my relief, members of the Nifty Fifty were more than happy to pitch in. 

Starting in 1981, six times a year various students would volunteer their house for a Weekend Labeling Party.  Attendance varied from 20 to 40.  The process took the group about an hour to finish.  If I had done this all by myself, I estimated it would take me a minimum of 24 hours.  I was beyond grateful for the help.  Understandably, I received a good deal of teasing.  They called me 'Tom Sawyer', a reference to my ability to persuade people to do this giant task for free. 

I did not mind the good-natured harassment.  Everyone enjoyed complaining, but in reality these Labeling Parties were a lot of fun.  Why?  Because these people loved hanging out together.  They also thrived on competition.  After we finished our potluck dinner, we would play Charades, Water Volleyball or Trivial Pursuits.   Sometimes I would bring two identical jigsaw puzzles and divide everyone into two teams.  Ready Set Go.  I was not allowed to play because they accused me of having done the puzzle behind their backs.  So I would alternate from one table to the other.  I made sure to solicit bribes to steal a couple of puzzle pieces.  You have no idea how many people were willing to take me up on the offer.  Anything to win, ha ha ha.  And of course the losing team accused me of helping the winners.

The laughter was infectious.  Win or lose, everyone went home happy.  And my schedule was ready to send out. 

Thanks in large part to the Winchester Club, 1981 was the year we became a Dance Community.  Many students were happy to contribute their time.  To them, SSQQ was more than a dance studio.  It was their second home, a clubhouse and playground rolled into one.  My friends were more than happy to do their part to keep a good thing going.  Labeling Parties were indicative of the group spirit that had emerged.  These parties were not seen as work, but rather as a chance to help me out while spending a fun evening with their friends. 

Were there any married people in the Nifty Fifty?  No.  Everyone was single.  With virtually their entire social life wrapped around dancing and other studio activities, students fooled around and fell in love.  Equally important was the friendship.  Of course dancing remained the number one activity, but people branched out.  They would meet friends for lunch, movies, camping trips, birthday parties, you name it. 

Thanks to the Winchester Club and Jann's SSQQ Hotline, over the course of 1981 the social aspect of the studio became just as important as the dance program.  I did not know it at the time, but this intense fraternization was the dawn of a famous SSQQ legacy - weddings.  The studio was soon to become the most successful Wedding Factory ever created. 

LIMBO MONTH TWENTY SEVEN
SEPTEMBER 1981

STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

One night in September the group met after class for a night of dancing at Texas.  I was sitting alone at a table in one of my 'Solitary Man' moods.  Next month my Epic Losing Streak would begin its 18th year.  I wondered if I would ever meet a woman I could totally trust, a woman who would care about me as much as I cared about her.  As usual I was lonely and full of self-pity.  Most people had left.  At the moment I was staring longingly at Ammonia.  She was out on the dance floor throwing herself at some man.

When the song ended, Ammonia gave the guy a hug, then took his hand.  As they walked out together, Ammonia noticed me staring.  She made a point to blow me a goodnight kiss.  Her big grin said it all.  "I have someone and you don't."  I hated this woman for tormenting me, but I thought about her all the time.  How could I forget?  Ammonia made sure to remind me of what I was missing at every opportunity. 

Just then I realized how late it was.  I had been so busy staring at Ammonia, I did not notice the gang had left.  They had jobs in the morning, but not me.  Jann and Bill were out there dancing.  We were only three left.  When the song ended, Bill left too as Jann waved goodbye.  That surprised me.  I had expected Jann to leave with Bill like she usually did, but I was wrong.  Jann spotted me and waved.  Then she made a visit to the DJ booth.  Wouldn't you know it, a Waltz came on, Send me Down to Tucson.  Oh, for crying out loud.  Here we go again.  Of all the songs in the world, why did that song have to come on when I was already in a sad mood? 

Was this a coincidence?  No.  Jann had put the DJ up to it.  Jann knew that 'Tucson' had become my favorite song.  However she did not know why.  That song had become my ode to the memory of Jane.  It was also a reminder of my irritating habit of resisting temptation.  As the thought of holding Jane in my arms flashed through my mind, for the millionth I lamented the woman who got away.

Oblivious to my consternation, Jann wasted no time.  "Come on, Rick, let's dance!"

Dance to this song?  No way!  A dance at this hour of the night would be much too inviting, especially this song because I associated it with Jane, the sexiest woman I had ever met.  Jann was looking pretty good herself.  The alarm bells told me to say no.  Now that she had me cornered, I wasn't sure how much resistance I had left.

"Thanks for asking, Jann, but I am really beat.  It's time to go home.  Besides, I don't know how to Waltz like Jim or Bill."

"I don't care.  I want to Waltz, so you don't have a choice.  Besides, you said this is your favorite song."

I looked at her suspiciously.  "You asked the DJ to play that song, didn't you?"

Jann giggled.  "How did you guess?"

"I will Waltz on one condition.  You will NEVER... repeat NEVER... tell anyone that I know how to Waltz."

Jann grinned.  "Agreed.  Let's Waltz!"

I shook my head in despair.  Jann wasn't playing fair.   Jann had no idea why this song was important, but she knew it had a strange effect on me.  We argued for a moment longer and then I gave in.  As we waltzed, I realized Jann had set this situation up ahead of time.  In other words, this was a trap of sorts.  Unless I was badly mistaken, this might be my night to get lucky. 

Jane and Ammonia were not the only women I had passed up over the past year.  They were just the ones I found hardest to resist.  There had been other opportunities.  Right now there was a Sexual Revolution going on, but here I was wallowing in my ridiculous self-imposed chastity.  After all the women I had sidestepped thanks to Victoria, she better make up her mind soon or they might have to cart Friar Rick off to the monastery. 

After the song ended, Jann said, "Do you mind if we chat?"

"Of course not, Jann." 

Jann grinned at me.  "You've been keeping a secret from me."

My heart skipped a beat.  Did she know something about Jane? 

"Uh, I don't know what you are referring to."

"You are better Waltz dancer than you claim to be."

I smiled.  "Please keep that between us.  If the women ever find out I can Waltz, I won't have a moment of peace."

With a wink, Jann replied, "I might keep it a secret or I might use it as blackmail.  Who knows, I might find a use for knowledge as valuable as this."

The waitress came over.  Jann ordered a coke, I had a beer.  The club was largely deserted.  We sat there watching the few remaining people dance for a while.  Then Jann turned and gave me an unmistakable look.  I had seen that look so many times that I had a term for it... the Heart is a Lonely Hunter. 

"Why don't you ever ask me out, Rick?"

Taken aback by Jann's unexpected directness,  Sinatra's Strangers in the Night drifted through my mind.  

Strangers in the night
Exchanging glances
Wondering in the night
What were the chances?

Jann and I were not exactly strangers, but we were definitely two lonely people exchanging glances.  We liked each other and we had no one to answer to.  Why not pursue this opening?  No one would see us leave and Jann would never reveal the secret. 

"I like you a lot, Jann, but I am Victoria's boyfriend [a complete fib].  I know she doesn't keep much of an eye on me, but I prefer not to pursue entanglements."

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit.  We lead an identical life and every time I see you, you look like you've lost your best friend.  For one thing I never see her out dancing anymore.  And the few times you are together at the studio, you are all business.  I find it hard to believe you and she are serious about each other.  Where is the glow of love?  Something doesn't add up, so give me a straight answer.  I deserve that much."

I sighed.  My loneliness was that obvious, wasn't it?  I saw very little of Victoria these days.  Now that she had become obsessed with Michael, Victoria had virtually disappeared from the dance scene.   Although Victoria taught two nights a week, on one of those nights she was at the church teaching for TGIS.  What about the other night?  Once upon a time Tuesday was reserved for Car Talk, but not any more.  We would chat briefly, then she was off to see Michael.  I wasn't jealous.  Not even remotely.  Michael and Victoria belonged together.  I just wished Victoria would set me free. 

"You are right about Victoria.  Please don't tell anyone, but she is serious about rekindling her relationship with her former husband.  However, knowing Victoria like I do, she could have a fight with Michael and come looking for me in the blink of an eyelash.  Things would get messy if she discovered I was seeing someone else."

Jann frowned.  "So what?  If she's busy chasing Michael, why should you feel guilty about looking elsewhere?"

"It's kind of a long story, Jann."

Jann laughed out loud.  With a grin on her face, she lifted her hand, then made a sweeping gesture to denote the near-empty status of the club.  

"Look around, buddy.  It's just you and me.  The bartender and remaining waitress have to work another hour.  Now look me in the eye.  Do I give the impression like I have something better to do?  In other words, start talking."

I laughed. "You have a point there.  Okay, Jann, if you are serious, I will tell you.  But I have to warn you, it's not a pretty story." 

"In that case, you absolutely have to tell me.  By the way, did you hear Eight Days a Week got busted last week?"

"No kidding?  That is too funny.  How did he get caught?"

"Abigail, the girl he takes to Bronco on Tuesday, decided to go dancing on her own.  She went over to Bullwhip on Thursday and saw Robert there with his Thursday girl hanging all over him.  Abigail vaguely recognized the woman from one of the Winchester parties, so she got suspicious.  Abigail watched long enough to confirm Robert and his Bullwhip girlfriend were on a date and that things were way past casual.  Abigail decided to avoid a confrontation.  Instead she came to me and gave an excellent description.  I said nothing about Robert, but mentioned that sounded like a woman named Amanda who took lessons on Monday.  Abigail was on a mission, so she dropped by the studio on the following Monday.  Sure enough, Abigail spotted the Bullwhip girl taking a dance class.  Noticing the class needed an extra woman, Abigail hung around to help.  After class, she went over to Amanda and introduced herself.  After the two women swapped notes, Abigail turned around and told me the whole story. 

Now that the cat was out of the bag, I helped Amanda and Abigail track down two other women I knew were linked to Robert.  My guess is we have seen the last of him.  The story has spread throughout the studio.  Rumor has it there's a posse of ex-girlfriends with a Wanted Poster.  Robert risks being skinned alive if he comes here again.  Nor can he show his face at a dance club because women have orders to shoot on sight.  Poor Robert is going to have to find a new hobby."

I was very amused.  "Do you keep a dossier on every man?"

"Yes, kind of.  I don't write it down, but I have great powers of observation plus I have remember whatever my girls tell me.    So what about you?  You said you were going to tell me a long story.  Is your story any better than Robert's?  I hope so.  Now that Robert's gone, I haven't heard a good story in ages."

I smiled ruefully.  "I'll let you be the judge of that.  However, one ground rule.  This is a story I would prefer not to make public knowledge.  Will you keep it between us?"

Jann smiled and nodded.  "Of course I will.  You know me."

I took a long breath.  Until now, we had an unspoken taboo about revealing our personal lives.  However, now that Jann had opened the door, I found myself wanting to explain why I kept her at arm's length. 

"Two years ago Victoria and I began a brief Affair.  It was a huge mistake because it led to Victoria's divorce."

"Why do you say it was brief?  Two years is a long time."

"With a few exceptions our relationship has been mostly platonic.  Although I hold Victoria largely responsible for her breakup with Michael, I regret to say I played a key role.  Are you aware of any of this story?"

Jann nodded.  "I've heard vague rumors based on things Victoria has said.  She likes to talk about Michael at the Winchester Club.  Some of the women are suspicious that you two have a history.  They asked me what I thought."

"What did you tell them?"

"I told them the truth.  I said there is no one at the studio who goes back far enough to know the whole story.  What I can't figure out is why Victoria speaks so highly of her ex.  I've been around a lot of women who have gotten a divorce, but I have never heard any of them lavish praise like Victoria."

"You are right.  Even before her divorce earlier this year, Victoria had a weird habit of singing Michael's song to various women at the studio or at Winchester.  I can't decide whether I am amused or exasperated.  I am not happy that her big mouth raises eyebrows, but mostly I am pleased.  This speaks to Victoria's growing awareness that she discarded a really good husband.  Considering I am little more than an afterthought, I ask myself every day why Victoria rejected Michael in the first place."   

Jann raised an eyebrow.  "Why do you call yourself an afterthought?"

"One might assume when a woman ditches a husband for another man, the other man must be some sort of upgrade.  Victoria did just the opposite.  Over the past two years, she has made it clear with both words and actions that she thinks Michael is the better man."

"You are kidding."

"No, I'm not.  I am completely serious."

"I don't get it.  Why do you say he's better than you?"

I told Jann about the Husband List.  I was tickled when she gaped with incredulity. 

"So Victoria told all those mean things, then continued to chase you anyway?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Well, I did come in second.  Victoria decided that was close enough to justify have a fling."

"And like most men of course you found her irresistible."

"Not exactly.  Yes, I was sorely tempted, but I had a rule against married women.  So I said no."

"What changed your mind?"

"I didn't change my mind.  But I made a mistake.  I fell in love with another woman.  Once she found out about Victoria, she threatened to go back to her previous boyfriend.  I was forlorn.  This was a woman I wanted to marry, so I panicked.  I decided the only way to hang onto her was to get rid of Victoria once and for all.  So I gave Victoria an ultimatum.  One morning at a coffee shop I gave her till midnight to either move in with me or I was going to move on."

Jann's eyes grew wide.  "You offered to let her live with you?  Why would you do a stupid thing like that?"

I let out a rueful snicker.  "I knew it was a gamble, but in my wildest dreams I never thought she would actually move out of her own home.  Victoria values status, comfort, and security.  At the time of our affair, I could not offer any of these.  I had a crummy house and I assumed my dance career was about to end along with Disco.  Since then my fortunes have improved, but neither Victoria nor I had any way of knowing that would happen.  Besides that, Michael and Victoria have a daughter.  Victoria's decision to chase me never had a chance of success because her daughter deserved better than what I had to offer.  Not just that, Michael was a good man and Victoria knew it.  But I was wrong.  Victoria chose me.  That night she knocked on my door.  I was very unhappy to see her, but a promise is a promise.  I kept my word and let her in."

"That's a wild story.  What happened then?"

"We were a flop from the start.  Besides, Victoria wasn't really serious about moving in.  She wouldn't dream of bringing her daughter with her, so she drove home every day to be with her daughter.  After spending a miserable week sleeping at my house, Victoria gave up and moved back home.  Things were so tense that Michael decided to move out and file for divorce.  Meanwhile Victoria expected me to stick around.  She said she had sacrificed her marriage for me, so I was obligated to remain her boyfriend."

"You told me about your Husband List.  In addition I have heard Victoria talk about Michael at the Winchester.  She is always very complimentary, so I can't make sense of the woman.  If Michael is so great, why did she antagonize him?"

"Good question!  That is the great mystery of my life.  I have spent nearly three years trying to understand what made her choose me over him.  I am no closer today than I was years ago."  

"You must have been in love with her."

"No, not really.  Don't get me wrong, Victoria is a special woman.  When she is on her game, there is no better woman in the world for me.  But she's been off her rocker for nearly three years.  The Affair was a terrible mistake, the worst mistake of my life, the worst mistake of her life.  I helped break up a marriage that might have corrected itself had I done the right thing.  Although I have long felt that Victoria forced herself on me, I had a choice in the matter and I made the wrong choice."

"So why did you make the wrong choice?" 

"I know this will be hard to believe, but I was more or less bullied into the affair."

"You're right, I find that hard to believe.  Maybe you can persuade me."

"Victoria has held the upper hand from the start.  My problem started when Victoria discovered how shy I was.  I was comfortable teaching large groups where I had control, but mediocre when it came to interacting with students on a personal basis.  Sensing my reluctance to get involved beyond the most superficial level, Victoria volunteered to help make my dance program more popular.  I had lots of students, but did nothing to organize them.  Nor did I know how to market upcoming dance classes.  Victoria offered to help, so I accepted.  The woman was phenomenal.  Organizing parties, using the phone and the mailing list to promote, she doubled my business, then she doubled it again."

"That sounds pretty good.  What went wrong?"

"Beware Greeks and Blondes bearing gifts.  I became very dependent on Victoria.  Without her, I feared the studio would collapse.  In the process of developing my business, she grew tentacles and gained control of every activity.  Once she began to turn dark, any attempt to get rid of her would have backfired badly.  She was way more popular than me.  In fact, a lot of students considered her the real boss.  Then came the day when Victoria began to use her importance to manipulate me towards an affair."

"May I interrupt?"

"Sure.  What is it?"

"You don't seem socially awkward to me.  You strike me as a bit of a loner, but not awkward."

"Thank you.  I am not as bad as I used to be.  I have Victoria to thank for that and you too for that matter.  I watch how you and Victoria interact with people and realize my fear of rejection is silly.  I have definitely improved my social skills over the past few years.  The more I am around people, the more confident I get.  That said, I still consider myself a work in progress."

"Where does Victoria fit in with this progress you speak of?"

"I owe much of of the studio's success to the work Victoria did three years ago.  Victoria took one look at the gaps in the social side of my dance program and lit up the place with her popularity.  I have never seen anything like it.  Thanks to her, practically overnight my classes became the best-known place in Houston to take Disco lessons and find girlfriends and boyfriends in the process."

"That sounds like your Western program now."

"You are right, but here's the catch.  It was Victoria who showed me how to do it.  All I have done is follow in her footsteps.  I could never have figured out how to do this on my own.  Considering how clueless I was back in the beginning, I owe my dance career to this woman."

"Here is what I don't understand.  If you say Victoria has decided to patch things up with Michael, then why do you need to stick around?  If anything, aren't you in the way?"

"I told you it was complicated.  The Affair started when Victoria found out I was seeing someone else.  She was so shaken at the thought of losing me, she left her husband.  So what happens if things don't work out with Michael?  And what happens if she discovers I have moved on?  I predict she will react the same way.  She will flip out the same way as before and insist I give up any other relationship and concentrate on her."

"Do you firmly believe this?" 

"Yes, I firmly believe this.  I do not want to give Victoria any reason to lose her concentration on Michael."

"Let me get this straight.  A married woman wants you to be faithful to her while she is chasing her ex-husband.  Are they having sex?"

"I don't know."

"Are you having sex with her?"

"Not since she decided to reconcile with Michael."

"But if you don't cooperate, you think she will burn the studio down."

"Yes.  Victoria is almost certain to start talking about how I deserted her and sabotaged her chance of success with Michael.  Tongues will wag and I refuse to let that happen."

"And you believe this is what she will do."

"Yes."

"When did the affair first take place?"

"October 1979."

"That's what I thought. Rick, it is September 1981.  Here we are two years later and you are still with Victoria.  Are you saying you have remained her boyfriend for two years due to this threat?"

"Yes.  Back when I tried to break it off, Victoria swore she would destroy my reputation and take the studio down with it.  I believed her and knuckled under.  Although she no longer threatens me out loud, the vindictiveness is still there.  I saw what she did to Michael's girlfriend.  This woman is capable of anything.  That is why I am determined not to rock the boat."

"Is this due to guilt or something?"

I wanted to tell Jann the real reason I was still with Victoria was due to my long-ago promise to God I would keep an eye on her.  However this was way too personal.  So I pointed to my Karmic debt instead.

"Of course there is an element of guilt.  Hoping to atone for my mistake, I have chosen to stick around till Victoria straightened her life out.  The way I see it, she was responsible for helping me build the studio, so I will return the favor and help her rebuild her life."

"And that is why you are reluctant to pursue other relationships."

"Yes, Jann, that is correct."

A dark look came over her eyes.  "So this is why my shameless flirting hasn't gotten me anywhere."

"Look, Jann, don't give up on me.  I like you a lot and I am hoping to get my parole papers soon.  But at this very moment, Victoria is trying very hard to reunite with Michael.  Nothing is guaranteed.  They have tremendous trust issues and hurt feelings to overcome.  They are so close, I don't dare do anything to upset the peace process."

Jann was clearly not happy, but seemed resigned to my decision.  "Okay, Rick, my mother told me good things come to those who wait.  Will you walk me to the car?"

I was sorely tempted to hug Jann and thank her for being a friend.  However, I did not trust myself to be a good boy.  So when we reached her car, I kept the door between us.  By confirming her interest in me, Jann had just made my life unbearably more difficult.  My only hope was Victoria's Reconciliation would come soon.  I wasn't sure how much longer my willpower would last.