JEWEL OF THE SEAS:  THE CURSE OF THE JEWEL

I have been on 7 different trips with Royal Caribbean.  Five have been on the Rhapsody, one on the Radiance (Alaska 2005), and now the Jewel as well.   Not once... repeat... not once have I ever complained about the competence of a crew.  

Oh sure, maybe we didn't get a boom box delivered on time or maybe they didn't want us dancing late at night.  There will always be minor problems.  But overall, the performance of each RCCL Staff has always been exemplary.

That is, "exemplary" until now.  Throughout the week, the Jewel Staff made big mistakes, small mistakes, stupid mistakes, and many needless mistakes.  They made every kind of mistake possible. 

This is a long story.  Hmm.  Change that to "very long".  It includes three serious incidents - the two Tender boat horrors and the Final Day Fiasco.  It details four less serious but still aggravating incidents - Cattle Call, the Smoking Problem, the Shore Excursion line, and the Jigsaw Puzzle Confrontation.  The Tender problems made me so angry I wrote a letter to the Jewel's administration.  You will be interested to learn how the Jewel Staff handled my complaints. 

Something aboard the Jewel was wrong, very wrong.  I wasn't the only one to speculate the ship might be cursed.  Decide for yourself.

INCIDENT ONE - CATTLE CALL (DAY ONE)

We were instructed to arrive at the Jewel no earlier than 2 pm.  We arrived at 2 pm only to find several hundred passengers already waiting in the cruise ship terminal.  Between us, Marla and I had six pieces of luggage - four suitcases and two carry-ons.  Instead of sending the porters to meet us, each passenger was required to stand in line.  This meant each time the line moved, we had to shuffle six pieces of luggage forward, a process that took 20 minutes. 

Finally we reached the Porter Station.   At this point, they whisked our luggage away.  Now we were sent inside the building to a holding area for an additional 45 minute wait.  Eventually our particular group was called.  Now we were required to stand in a new line to check in.  This took another twenty minutes.  We had already "checked in" using online.  However this extra effort didn't seem to give us any advantage. 

Now compare this situation to our previous experience.  One month earlier we took another cruise aboard the Royal Caribbean Rhapsody.  We had also checked in ahead of time online.  It took us less than ten minutes to board the Rhapsody.

Aboard the Jewel, this same process took an hour and a half.   These people were not even remotely equal to the Rhapsody at handling registration. 

INCIDENT TWO - THE ABRUPT END TO THE
SHORE EXCURSION LINE (DAY ONE)

During the Cattle Call, there was a rumor floating around that some of the favorite shore excursions were already sold out.  Consequently Marla and I were very concerned about getting signed up as quickly as possible. 

The moment we got to our room, we threw our stuff down on the bed and raced to the Front Desk.  When we got there at 4 pm, there were three people working the desk and a line which snaked all the way out the Centrum.  Apparently we weren't the only ones who had heard that rumor.  Everybody in line seemed to be worried. 

Marla looked at me and I looked at her.  We were in for our second long wait of the day.   Sure enough, we stood there for over an hour.  We thought the ordeal was almost over when suddenly a woman announced that the Shore Excursion Desk was now closed.  She said it was time for the Life Boat Drill and we needed to proceed immediately.  At this moment, there were only two people still ahead of us.

We had just been dismissed.  I looked at the woman who made the announcement and asked her to give us a number or put our names on a list for priority service after the drill was over.  She ignored what I said and told us the Desk was closed and we needed to leave.

I wasn't going to accept that.  This time I spoke loudly.  I said that we weren't going anywhere until they helped us.  I said there was no reason for them to treat us like that.  I was incredulous.  This is a business that strives to provide quality service.  Behavior like this was way over the line.  I had never seen a Royal Caribbean employee act in this manner before.   Who on earth treats people like this? 

We had waited patiently for over an hour. We deserved to be have our trips taken care of.  I wasn't the only one who was mad.  Everyone was furious; I was just the loudest. 

I guess they decided to shut me up.  Immediately one of the women at the Desk came running up to Marla.  She handed Marla a piece of paper.  She said if Marla would give her the trips we wanted to take and her room number, the woman would make sure we got signed up.

Later that night, we took the chance to check.   The woman had never done a thing about it.  Her display of concern was just a scam to shut me up.  

When Marla and I first considered taking this trip, we did so for one specific reason - I had a lifelong desire to see Acadia.  A Texas boy doesn't get a lot of chances to see Maine.  Today I was pretty excited.

The initial manifest on the RCCL web site said:

Sept 26- Bar Harbor, Maine  7:00 AM - 5:30 PM  Tendered

Oh boy, ten and a half hours at the island of my dreams!  Sign me up!  This trip wasn't cheap.  Transfers, air fare, hotel in Boston, and the cost of the cruise were expensive.  The price tag for this trip started at $4,000 for 2 people.  Plus the plane trip was close to four hours. 

But in my mind it was all worth it for the chance to see the misty isle of Acadia.

Marla and I had big plans.  We were going to rent bikes, pack some lunch and explore the island.  Ten hours was plenty of time to see many of the favorite spots at this legendary park first-hand.  Thunder Bay, here we come! 

So take a quick guess how I felt when Royal Caribbean changed the itinerary to read 10 AM - 6 PM.  I had just lost two and a half hours from my dream day.  Mind you, they already had my money when they made the switch.  Therefore I had a chip on my shoulder before the trip even started.  Now with the problems at Martha's Vineyard haunting me, I was very worried what would go wrong next.

On the morning of of our visit to Acadia, Marla and I walked out on our balcony to see the one of most beautiful islands in America.  The sight from our balcony was the same as the picture on the right.  The island was calling to me! 

Marla and I made our way down to the Tender Boat area.  As we walked, the loudspeaker announced that one of the boats had just suffered a terrible accident.  Its propeller had gotten caught in a lobster trap.  The boat was temporarily out of commission. 

Then we hit the line. It was even worse than the day before.  There were hundreds of people lining the halls and the stairway.  Every one of these people had a huge frown on their face. 

Then we heard a rumor - a different tender boat had run aground in the low waters near the pier.  The engine was smoking due to the effort the operator made to free the boat from the sandy ledge.

Now we were down to two tenders.  A certain type of panic ran through our minds over the futility of this situation.   Would they consider letting us swim to shore?  Or row a boat?

One time is an incident.  Two times is a coincidence.  But three times is a pattern.  The Jewel Staff had screwed up in both directions yesterday at Martha's.  They had used up every ounce of patience we had with yesterday's problems.  We had no patience left for today. 

Get us off this damn ship!  

Shouting matches broke out among the passengers and the members of the crew assigned to keep us under control.  Some very nasty words were said.  The people who were assigned to interact with us compounded the problem by promising things that didn't come true.  "Just 15 more minutes and it will be your turn!"  "We are doing everything we can."  Soon we lost all confidence in their word.  There was a breakdown in respect. The Staff told people to move off the stairs for their safety and the passengers told them to get lost.  Small battles broke out all morning long between the Staff that had no clue what to do and the helpless passengers who were sick and tired of waiting.  The situation was very tense.

It seemed like the tender Operators didn't have a clue either.  These two accidents reinforced our skepticism from yesterday that they were brand new at this task.  Meanwhile people's anger rose.  The words got uglier and uglier with any RCCL Jewel representative unlucky enough to be visible.  One young woman left in tears.  Increasingly our only contact with the ship came via the loudspeaker which constantly ordered us to stay off the steps and just be a little bit more patient.

I know you are concerned, so I will allay your fears. I behaved myself. I knew it wouldn't do a bit of good to take my anger out on these people who had no control over the situation.   I found a corner near my group of friends, pulled out my hand-held computer chess game, sat down and stayed quiet.  Inside I was seething.  All this work to get here and now this.  Did these people have any shame at all? 

After two hours of waiting and worrying, finally it was our turn.  We got to the island at 12:30 pm.  We didn't have time for any real adventure, so we settled for a bus tour.  What other choice did we have? 

The bus trip was nice, but it was incomplete.  We spent 15 minutes on top of Mount Washington.  Not enough time to explore.  We spent 15 minutes at a nature park.  Not enough time to explore.  We spent 15 minutes at Thunder Bay.  Not enough time to explore.  The whole trip was a tease - we saw just enough to want to see more.  We realized we had been cheated out of a wonderful experience.

We returned to Bar Harbor around 4:30 pm.  That didn't leave us with much time to do anything else but buy a couple tee-shirts, then get back in the line to return to the ship.  The line today was just as bad as it was in Martha's Vineyard a day earlier.  Actually it was longer.

Dan Bates, a member of our group, stood in the same line I did.  Here is what Dan had to say about the line:

"The tender operation was obviously being run by a group who had no idea what the were doing.  We had a chance to watch several tenders dock both at the ship and on shore at Bar Harbor, and it was quite apparent there was a lack of skill present.  One tender went right past the dock like he didn't know where he was supposed to go, then had to back up to get to the right spot.

This incompetence reminded me of the day before when we were coming back from Martha's. We had an extra long delay due to rough waters, and there was a near-collision with another tender resulting in many of the passengers getting drenched by a large wave.

While waiting at Bar Harbor, I counted four Princess tenders for every one RC tender that came to the dock.  Princess had no line at all.  There was a tender loading, and two waiting at all times."

I agree with what Dan wrote about the Princess ship.  While standing in line, I noticed a curious phenomenon.  There were actually two lines - one for the Jewel and a parallel line for people getting back on the Princess ship.  I tried to talk to the Princess passengers to understand why their ship was so much more effective, but it didn't work.  Their line moved so fast I couldn't get any information!  Two sentences and they were gone.  Meanwhile we stood still.

At the time, I wondered how many Tenders the Princess had.  Why were they so much more successful at transporting their passengers?

On the way back to the ship, I took the time to count the number of tenders the Jewel had.  We were passed by Tender #10 and Tender #12.  Ahead of us another Tender was unloading.  Including our own Tender, there were 4  Tenders in operation.  Was that enough?  Of course not. 

Were any other boats hired to help?  None that I could see.

All I can say is the difference in the quality of performance by the Princess ship and our own Jewel was absolutely shocking.  For the second day in a row, the Jewel had failed to do its job.  The morale of the passengers was pathetic.  We were furious at having our dreams smashed by their incompetence.

Acadia - The beautiful Misty Isle of my dreams

Bar Harbor

As I returned to ship, I counted Tenders. 

Tender 12 passes us first.  That makes one. You can see these are small boats.  Capacity was listed at 120.

This one is Tender 10.  That makes two. 

One Tender was ahead of us.  Here it is unloading. 
That makes three.  My own boat makes four.
 
Four tenders for 2,000 people.

Now how much sense does that make?

The infamous Lobster Trap that disabled one of the tenders.  

INCIDENT SIX - YOU CAN'T DO THAT PUZZLE HERE!  
(DAY AT SEA)

Jigsaw Puzzles are a marvelous way to spend a few hours in the morning or afternoon.  While putting puzzles together, you can chat and learn all sorts of things about each other.  Furthermore, lots of people can play.  Even better, they can come and go as they please. 

Putting together Jigsaw Puzzles isn't for everyone, but for those people who do enjoy puzzles, it is a perfect morning's entertainment.

I used the beautiful artwork of Jane Wooster Scott to promote interest in our New England Trip.  Jane Wooster Scott is an incredibly talented artist who loves to paint New England landscapes. 

I fell in love with her artwork long ago. Many hours of putting her puzzles together had a special effect on me - I fell in love with New England before I had ever seen it with my own eyes.  I put examples of her art up on my web site to promote interest in both her artwork and my trip to New England.  In addition, I promised to work a couple of her puzzles during the trip. 

However I did not realize how busy this trip was.  We were in port 6 days of 7. Our only opportunity to work a puzzle was our single day at sea. 

I have learned the best place to put our puzzles together is the Windjammer Cafe.  The Windjammer is the perfect spot for this activity. The light is good, the tables are large, plus at some point practically everyone in our group wanders in for breakfast. That's when they spot me with my puzzle. Some stop by for just a second, some watch for a while, while others decide to sit down and help. 

I got started about 9 AM.  The place was practically deserted.  Right from the start I had a hunch that someone might say something about my taking up a table.  Consequently I kept my puzzle under control and took up only two seats out of six at the table. 

At 9:45 the place got pretty busy.  That is when one of the managers came over to me.  He asked me to move my puzzle elsewhere.  I had expected this would happen.  Till now, I had not met one friendly person on the staff (other than the people working for tips).  At every turn, my interaction with members of the Staff had been stiff and formal bordering on "cold". Why should I expect things would be any better here?

As politely as possible, I explained that I was the leader of a group.  This puzzle was a tradition with my group from previous cruises. I added that several people would be joining me shortly.

Not surprisingly, the man could not have cared less. He explained to me that people would need this seat for their meals.   I knew his point was valid. However there were more than a hundred tables in this room plus there was another dining room .  People would not go hungry if I did not move. 

I told him that I intended to stay.  I added that if anyone wanted to sit here, they were welcome to do so.   This was not an acceptable answer.  He asked me again to leave. 

I was taken aback at how insistent he was.  There are some battles that aren't worth winning.  This fight over two seats was one of them.  I said that I would not leave.  I told him for the second time that I had friends coming and that I had told them this was where I would be.  If I moved, then they would not know where to find me.

Now I decided to play my trump card.  I explained to the gentleman that the supervisors on the Rhapsody not only allowed me to use a table for my puzzles, many of their waiters enjoyed coming by to put in a piece or two.  I added that some of his own Jewel waiters had stopped by to help earlier.   At this, the man threw up his hands and left in a huff.  

I understood where the man was coming from.  The place was getting crowded.  Soon two ladies from the Bahamas came by looking for a place to eat.  I smiled at them.  They immediately asked if they could sit at my table. Of course!  After they finished eating, both ladies started to help me with the puzzle.  The 3 of us were soon joined by various members of my group.  As I hoped, our group had a great time finishing the puzzle.

I wish I did not have to defy the supervisor who came to confront me.  I understood why he coveted my table, but I secretly hoped he would notice the six people at my table having a great time and realize where I had been coming from.  There was no other place on the ship that would suffice.  

Anyone with proper customer service instincts should have recognized that the damage to his dining room was minor compared to good will generated by a group activity such as this.  All morning long people stopped to smile at our work and kibitz.

Today's Windjammer confrontation plus the memory of the Shore Excursion Desk and other smaller incidents weighed heavily in my thoughts.  I could not figure out why the staff on the Jewel was so consistently tense and unbending compared to my experiences on the Rhapsody where they were so eager to please.  It made no sense.  Was there anyone on this ship who understood that people on other Royal Caribbean ships go out of their way to be helpful?  

There had been a few grouchy people on other trips.  For example, on the previous Rhapsody trip a photographer refused to move his light stand even though it cut our dance floor in half.  And I remember another puzzle incident where some woman made us leave her area as she arrived for work.

But those were two isolated incidents on different trips. By contrast, the entire staff aboard the Jewel was low on patience.  Throughout the week, the passenger-staff relationship was a cold one. The crew seemed to be just as angry at the passengers as we were at them.

To be quite frank, I blamed it on the Tender Problem.  Someone on this ship was responsible for ruining the two most important days on this trip.  But no one stepped forward to admit their failure nor did anyone take the trouble to apologize.  They pretended like there was nothing wrong. 

Consequently a lot of passengers carried a big grudge.  I'm sure we took our anger out on a lot of people who had nothing to do with the Tender problems because the people who were responsible stayed invisible.  Today's stupid puzzle skirmish was a prime example of displaced anger.

Angry passengers took their anger out on the wrong people who turned around and took their anger out at passengers who couldn't possibly realize the hostility had nothing to do with them. 

In retrospect, I am positive I would have handled today's confrontation much better if I wasn't so angry inside to begin with.  I know I was short with the man because I was furious at the ship in general. 

I believe there was a glaring lack of talented leadership on this Staff.  An air of tension permeated this entire trip because no one had the sense or the courage to step up and do something to defuse it.  As a result, the crew was forced to absorb the anger of the passengers for mistakes they were not responsible for.  No wonder everyone was grouchy.   Angry ripples from the Tender incidents had affected everyone on this ship.

INCIDENT SEVEN - I WRITE A LETTER (DAY FOUR)

On Day Four, Marla and I walked around Halifax.  I was pretty much in a fog.  As the day passed, I was preoccupied with the Tender problems.  I realized I was still furious about how poorly the Jewel Staff had handled Martha's Vineyard and Bar Harbor/Acadia.  I wasn't just mad for myself.  As the group leader, I felt a responsibility for our guests on the trip.  I felt a need to stand up for them.

Most of all though I was disappointed in Royal Caribbean.  There didn't seem to be any sense on this ship that they had done something wrong.  Two thousand people had come on board in hopes of seeing a part of the world that was new to many of them. They had paid money for the cruise under the assumption that Royal Caribbean would do their job.  Many people were horrified to see their visits to Martha's Vineyard and Acadia sliced in half.

For many people, the Acadia visit was the most important day of the trip.  Sad but true, due to the tendering problems some people completely missed their excursions that day!  A prime example would be Jerry Boldra and Barbara Sherwood from our group.  Through no fault of their own, they got to shore so late in the day that their bus was long gone (despite promises on the Jewel to the contrary).  There was absolutely nothing left for them do but eat lunch and come back on board.

Jerry and Barbara had traveled 2,000 miles and paid $2,000 apiece only to see the biggest day of the trip spoiled by errors and poor planning.  So what if one tender ran ashore and another tender hit a lobster trap?  All that did was make a bad situation worse.   Four tenders could never have gotten the job done anyway! 

The Jewel of the Sea Staff should have been mortified to hear reports that their bitter rival Princess Cruise Line had totally outperformed them at Acadia.  

Yet there was no apology forthcoming.  There was no acknowledgement that mistakes had been made.  Did anyone in the ship's administration even grasp that both days had been largely ruined by the Tender mistakes?

Let me say something here. I wasn't just angry. I was hurt.  That's right - I was hurt.  I was disappointed in a company that until now had always earned my respect.  Up to this point, I thought Royal Caribbean was special.  The Royal Caribbean that I knew was the kind of company that went overboard to take care of its customers.

ONCE UPON A TIME

As I boarded the Jewel, six previous trips had led me to the opinion that Royal Caribbean was indeed an excellent company.  One incident in particular always stayed with me - a looming disaster in 2004 that was rescued due to some hard work and a man with some courage.

Back in February 2004, Marla and I witnessed a brilliant public relations effort on the part of Royal Caribbean.  Due to an unfortunate accident in the Mississippi River, it seemed apparent our Mardi Gras Trip would be completely ruined.  Our ship was forced to dock 100 miles away, but Royal Caribbean came up with a fleet of buses to take us into New Orleans nevertheless. 

Furthermore, Captain Charles Teige waged a gutsy campaign to cheer up his passengers. Showing a lot of guts, Captain  put himself front and center with "Meet the Captain" sessions.  Captain Tiege made the effort to personally talk to as many passengers as possible about the problem and explain the steps he was taking to make the trip work anyway.  Believe it or not, Captain Charles rescued the trip in grand fashion... with a lot of support from Royal Caribbean.

Once we got to New Orleans, we had a fabulous time.  Not only that, but RCCL authorized an additional $100 shipboard credit to thank us for our patience.  It was a very nice gesture.  If you read my trip write-up, you will find that the entire group had a great time after all.  Thanks to the extra effort on the part of Captain Teige and Royal Caribbean, this trip still remains today as Marla's and my favorite cruise ever.

Now fast-forward to the New England trip.  There was no blip on the radar regarding damage control.  For all I could see, it was business as usual.  They had an entire ship of angry passengers, but nothing was being done to reach out to them.

Therefore this Jewel 2006 trip put a huge stain on my opinion of Royal Caribbean.  The saying One rotten apple spoils the barrel continued to rattle around in my brain like a mantra.  How could the company fail to realize how poorly the Staff on this ship was performing? 

The tender problems had ruined the two most important stops on the trip, but the ship's Staff pretended like nothing was wrong!  Was this a Ship of Fools?  Was there anyone in charge who had a brain and a heart?  It sure didn't seem like it.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.  I could not let this go.  I decided to write a letter.  One way or the other, I wanted to meet the people who were in charge and see what they had to say.

INCIDENT SEVEN continued -   YOUR LETTER MAY HAVE A COMPUTER VIRUS   (DAY FIVE)

I had brought my laptop.  I got up early and started typing in the early morning.  I finished typing up my letter just as the sun was rising on Day Five.  I transferred a copy of my letter to a Floppy Disk I had brought along with my laptop.  It wasn't like I had access to a printer.  The disk was the easiest way to share my letter with the Jewel administration.   That morning we had a dance lesson scheduled before going into St John, New Brunswick, later on in the day.  On board the Jewel, we were assigned a Group Representative.  For this trip, a lady named Tracy was in charge of looking out for whatever we needed. On this particular morning, we needed a boom box to play our CDs on for the dance class.  Tracy was reliable as always.  I put on some music and told my class to warm up.  I asked Marla to start the class if I wasn't back in time. Then I asked Tracy if I could speak privately with her.  A look of worry instantly crossed her face. After a moment's hesitated, she nodded permission. As we went out in the hall, she seemed very concerned about what I was about to say.  If anything, she seemed "tense".  There's that word again.  Once in the hall, Tracy took control of the conversation.  She asked, "What is this about?" I cut to the chase by bringing up the issue of the tendering problems.  Before I could say another word, Tracy cut me off.  "That wasn't our fault!  We had two accidents!"  Tracy continued to defend her ship's performance vehemently.  I was taken aback by her emotion.  Something was obviously going on behind the scenes after all for her to get this worked up.  I had not said a word and she was already into a well-rehearsed speech. I wasn't in the best of moods on this subject either.  I knew Tracy was not high enough in management to make any decisions, so there was no point in taking a discussion between us any further.  I told her I disagreed with her, but I respected her opinion nonetheless.  Then I pulled the floppy disk out of my pocket and handed it to her. Tracy actually flinched when I gave the disk to her.  Keeping it in her open hand where both of us could see it, she asked suspiciously, "What is this?" I told her it was a letter I had written addressed to the Captain and to the Hotel Director.  Tracy asked, "What is this about?"  I answered that I had written a letter about the same concerns I had just spoken with her about. Tracy immediately handed the disk back to me.  She said, "We are not allowed to accept things like this from guests.  This might contain a computer virus.  I am sorry." I was astonished. "Tracy, there is no danger.  If you are worried, all you have to do is run a virus scan on the document before you open it.  In addition, you have my word of honor this disk has no virus." "Absolutely not. I cannot accept this." As I took back the disk, I was angry. I limited my response to "Fine. Have it your way."  I turned my back and stomped off to dance class.  I was incredulous at Tracy's position.  She was so tense that she had handled this situation as awkwardly as humanly possible. In fact, she figured that out on the spot.  Tracy came running after me and asked permission to have the disk.  I gave it back to her.  Tracy said she would handle it and get back to me. As she walked away, I shook my head.  Tracy had just uttered one of the dumbest remarks I had ever heard.  I should have been insulted, but in reality I felt sorry for her.  Something or someone on this ship was making people crazy.

INCIDENT SEVEN continued -  MARLA AND I MEET
WITH THE HOTEL DIRECTOR (DAY SEVEN)

It took a couple days for my letter to be relayed to corporate office in Miami and for their response to get back to the Jewel.  To her credit, Tracy regained her poise.  She left two messages a day on the phone to keep us appraised of the developments.

On Saturday, our final day at sea, Marla and I received a request to meet with Nibu Sayed, the Hotel Director.  There was another gentleman present at our meeting, but he only took notes. 

As I sat down, I realized I had seen Mr. Sayed once before.  While I was waiting for one of the tenders to Martha's Vineyard, I made an open comment about problems getting the elderly onto the tender.  A man standing next to me responded to my comment with a well-expressed observation of his own.  I would tell you what he said, but I can't remember.  I guessed he was probably on the Jewel Staff and that he seemed shrewd.  Our meeting today would serve to let me know that my first impression had been correct.

I remember only three things from our fifteen minute meeting.  (Perhaps in the future I should take notes too.)

I remember that Mr. Sayed was vague on the issue of compensation.  No commitment was made, but the illusion that my group might someday receive compensation was kept alive.  I decided my earlier impression ("shrewd") had been accurate.  However I did accomplish one thing.  At my request, Mr. Sayed made a nice gesture.  He authorized a special dinner for Jerry and Barbara to repay them for their terrible experience at Bar Harbor.

It didn't take long for me to realize there was no real purpose to this meeting.  If forced to guess, it was a schmooze session designed to calm down a hothead.  Marla and I got to feel important enough to merit an audience with a powerful executive.

Once I realized no actual business would be conducted, I decided to ask a question that had been burning a hole in my brain.

TENDER MATH

I asked Mr. Sayed to help me out with a math problem I had been wrestling with.  He said he would be glad to help, so I asked Mr. Sayed a series of questions. 

1. Are there indeed only four tenders on the Jewel?  Yes.
2. Are there any other boats that supplement the tenders?  No. 
3. Is the capacity of the ship 2,100?  Yes. 
4. Is the capacity of the Tenders 120 passengers?  Yes. 
5. Does each Tender trip average about 40 minutes? Yes. 

Side Note: The 40 minute Estimate: 10 minutes to load, 10 minutes to drive to the dock, 10 minutes to unload, 10 minutes back to the ship. 

Interestingly, a month after my meeting with Mr. Sayed, I discovered the ship's daily newsletter said the trip to shore would take 20 minutes, not 10 as I estimated at the time. 

If the ship's note is correct, then the turnaround would become 60 minutes, not 40 minutes. "3 and a half hours" would balloon to 5 hours.  My experience, however, was that the ride was closer to ten minutes.  Furthermore, considering Tender capacity is really 120, not 100, I think with 4 Tenders on a good day they can get things done in three hours one way, three hours the other way. 

The important thing to note here is that even without the problems like Lobster Traps, rough waters, and hidden shoals, the wait would have still been 3 HOURS LONG for some people.  The problems simply made it worse - Instead of 3 hours, Barbara and Jerry had to wait FOUR HOURS.

After I finished my first series of questions, I paused for a moment.  I was taken aback when I noticed Mr. Sayed was smiling at me. I got the impression that he was enjoying this.  He seemed amused by my questions.

I asked him if he would permit me to take this a little further. He nodded for me to go ahead.

Simplifying things a bit, let's say there are 2,000 passengers who wanted to get to shore.  To make division easier, let's say the Tenders only hold 100 people.  That means there would have to be 20 trips. 

20 trips means each of the four Tenders will make 5 trips. 

5 trips times 40 minutes means 200 minutes.  3 and a half hours.

That is just for the morning. In the afternoon you have to do it all over again. 3 and a half hours TWICE = 7 hours.  In other words, the Tender boats spend the entire day going back and forth until the job is done. 

I asked Mr. Sayed if my math was correct.  He said yes.

I asked Mr. Sayed if this meant that some passengers would have to wait 3 and a half hours before getting to shore.  He nodded this was correct. 

For my final question, I asked him if this was acceptable.  He nodded yes.

I could barely believe what I had just heard.  I was so amazed at his candor, I was too stunned to take this any further.  I was flabbergasted at the implications of what he had said.  I had to get out of there.

Marla and I thanked him for his time and left.

MARLA AND RICK ARE SECOND CLASS CITIZENS

Another issue I was concerned about was the practice of giving Tender priority to passengers who had signed up for an excursion.

Why did this make them more important than my wife and me? 

Time and time again, I heard the Jewel Staff hammer home the point that people with excursions deserved priority so they wouldn't miss their trip. (A lot of good that did Jerry and Barbara at Acadia.)

I was not comfortable with that position. What about my trip?  Why is their trip more special?  It felt like a shakedown game. 

"Hey, Buddy, you wanna get to shore fast?  Hey, I got a deal for you!  If you want to get to shore pronto, just take one of our terrific excursions!  You can go to the front of the line and we'll get you there in no time!"

I didn't pay $2,000 and fly 2,000 miles to be treated like a second-class citizen.

One thing people can't stand is watching someone else cut in line.  On this trip, that's exactly how it felt to see the "Excursion People" go first.  Just because I preferred to rent a bicycle on shore over a bird watching tour should not give the Staff the right to send me to the back of the line. 

But on the other hand, if the Jewel had whisked me to shore as fast as the Princess ship carried its passengers, I probably would not have even cared that I was told to go to the back of the line.  

MISSING IN ACTION - WHERE IS THE CAPTAIN?

In my letter to the ship's administration, I pointed out an appearance by Captain Thore Thorolvsen might go a long way towards defusing all the anger and frustration created by the Tender problems.  To my knowledge, the Captain never made a single appearance.

His lack of effort stood in sharp contrast to the noble job put in by Captain Charles Teige on the 2004 Mardi Gras trip.  Tiege had announced over the intercom that he was going to have a meeting to discuss the problems.  This move took a lot of courage because he knew he was going to face a lot of heat.  Sad to say, he was correct.

During that meeting, a group of travel agents hammered him viciously upside and down.  They said docking in Mississippi was not acceptable.  They wanted a free trip to make up for the delay and disappointment (none of which was the Rhapsody's fault).

Captain Charles listened patiently to every complaint. To his credit, he never lost his temper.  In the end, his hard work paid off.  People started to calm down and this became a very successful trip despite the unfortunate inconvenience.

Now that I think of it, the two-way bus trip to New Orleans cost me four hours.  We are starting to talk about Acadia and Martha numbers, yes?  But I was so happy, I didn't even notice it.  That is the power of Captain Charles' magnificent intervention.  Somebody cared.

In stark contrast, Captain Thore never made an appearance.  He never addressed the issue over the intercom.  Nor did one letter dealing with the problem appear on our bed at night.  Nothing. 

Well, excuse me, now that I think about it, there was one rather peculiar gesture. 

On Friday (the next to last day of the trip) for one hour during our day at sea, waiters appeared out of the blue to offer free drinks.  They were supposed to tell the passengers this was a goodwill gesture to make up for problems earlier in the week.

You know what?  I thought the whole idea was an insult.

Oh my, how thoughtful!  We were cheated out of half a day at Martha's and half a day at Acadia - two places many of us would never be able to see again in our lives - but a couple free drinks is going to make it OK!   Brilliant! 

I don't know why the some of the Staff were rude and why the Tender crew was incompetent, but my business sense points to a lack of leadership.

I think the Captain owed his crew an apology.  During this week of trouble, the Captain simply stayed out of sight and used his crew as a human shield so he wouldn't have to suffer. 

He could have used his presence like Captain Charles did to take pressure off of his crew.  And don't think it didn't occur to him - I suggested it in my letter.  Maybe he didn't bother to read it.

Instead, he left his helpless Staff on the front line to fend off the arrows fired in anger by 2,000 passengers.

INCIDENT EIGHT - THE FINAL DAY FIASCO  (DAY EIGHT)

After my meeting with Mr. Sayed, I fell into a really bad mood. This man had looked me in the eye and indicated that a three hour wait for some passengers was perfectly acceptable.  What business school did he go to?   Now I just wanted to get off this ship as fast as I could. 

As I packed, I realized I was deeply worried about our final day.  For our trip back to Houston, Marla had decided to gamble.  She booked a 10:30 am flight from Boston to Houston.  I was sweating because we had no margin for error on a ship that was famous for long lines.

We had registered for the Express Walk-Off.  This is a service for people who are willing to carry all their luggage off the ship.  Considering we had six pieces of luggage between us, this was an ambitious project. Marla was pretty skeptical until I pointed out the luggage had wheels.  It wouldn't be easy, but she would try.

We were determined not to miss our flight, but knew the odds were long.  We needed to get to Logan Airport early.  Logan was the departure point for flights involved in 9-11.  The security since then had greatly improved which was good, but it meant the lines were slower.  Marla wanted to get there two hours ahead of time like they recommended.  With that in mind, we got up at 6 am the final day.  We hoped to be first in line or pretty close to it. 

Skipping breakfast, we were in the Centrum lobby by 6:45 am. 

I found an ideal spot right next to the exit door on the Centrum level.   Immigration should not be a problem since they had already checked our passports in the morning of Day Six when we docked in Portland. 

We were set to go.  Or should I say I hoped we were set to go.  I couldn't shake my bad feeling about this.

My paranoia was well-founded.  The first problem developed at 7:15 am.  A Jewel officer came up to me and said I would have to move.  He was very abrupt, but I wasn't going to give in.  I asked why I had to move.  He told me because this area was reserved for people with walkers and wheelchairs.

I was upset.  The room had practically filled up, but no one appeared to need my spot.  I told the man I had been in this spot for 30 minutes and I needed it to get off the ship fast to catch an early flight. He said that wasn't his problem.  I would have to move.

Now I was getting angry.  I pointed out there had been staff here the entire time.  Why hadn't anyone said something to me earlier so I could have moved to another spot?  Now there was no place to go!  I pointed out that all the other good locations were now been occupied by other people.  I was carrying six pieces of luggage.  There was no place in sight where I could store six pieces of luggage and still be close to the door. 

The guy got in my face and said, "Mister, I don't care.  Move your luggage now or I will call security."

I should have appealed to another officer. But it didn't look like a battle I was going to win.  So I gave up and moved.  I was so mad.  Plus I could see I had made an enemy. 

I made a quick decision - Marla and I would split up.  Marla relocated not far from our original spot.  She ended up directly under the green stairs (about where that orange and white painting is in the picture at the right).  For my new spot, I moved my luggage to the very top of the green stairs.  I figured once the line got moving, I would simply rush down the stairs and get in line.  I had a plan.  Once I established my position in line, Marla could join me without having to hurry. 

It was now 7:45 am.  From my spot on the green stairs, I could see there was no sign of passengers being allowed to leave.  I was getting angry again.... actually I stayed angry the whole trip so I must have been getting "angrier".

The reason I was angry is that my friend Nick Mullet had used Express Walk-Off from the Rhapsody last month and he was off the ship by 7:45 am. Can't these people do anything right?

A certain thought crossed my mind several times on this trip about how slow they were.  Not one time was the Jewel Staff even remotely close to the Rhapsody curve when it came to moving people from Point A to Point B.  Why did they always have to take so long?  Lines, lines, lines!

From my vantage point, I could see that all the effort Marla and I had used getting to the Centrum early had been a complete and utter waste of time. The place had become a zoo!  There were now hundreds of people between me and the exit.  I blamed the jerk who made me move for my predicament.

The Centrum floor was stuffed with wheelchairs and walkers.  My floor at the top of the Green Stairs was stuffed.  And from where I was sitting I could see every level above me was also crowded with people who wanted to get off this ship.

It was 8 am when I realized that something was wrong.  People should be getting off by now. But there wasn't even a hint in the air that they were close to letting people off.  Marla called me on the cell phone from her spot one floor below.  She asked me if I knew anything.  I was in the dark. What about her? 

Marla was closer to the action.  She said there was a rumor going around that Immigration would not clear the ship.  She was starting to get very worried.  It was our plan to be off the ship by 8:30 at the latest. Things weren't looking very good. 

They were about to get worse.

At 8:15 am, my nemesis from earlier approached me at the top of the steps. Mr. Authority Man told me I would have to move again.  I stood up and looked at him.  I said he knew I had been here sitting for an hour because he saw where I moved after my first eviction.  Now what was wrong? 

He said his supervisor didn't want anyone blocking the top of the stairs in case of a problem. 

That's when I lost my temper. I raised my voice and said, "Are you completely out of your mind?  You have an entire floor of handicapped people jammed elbow to elbow downstairs and you're worried about someone sitting on your staircase!?"

The man replied, "I'm not going to argue with you. I told you to move. Now do it."

I didn't believe a word he said about his 'supervisor', but I was scared to argue any further.  This guy wasn't just a jerk, he was a big jerk and now I was dangerously close to losing my self-control.  I decided I had better join Marla before I went over the edge completely and exploded.

The fastest way to get to Marla was to go straight down the Forbidden Staircase.  Boom, I was down the green stairs before Authority Man could react.  Of course he hollered at me that I wasn't allowed to do that, but too bad, I was already down.  What was he going to do me?  Make me walk back up and do it the right way?  Or find where I was and make me move again? 

Now that Marla and I were together again, I could see how worried she was.  She told me she didn't think we were going to make our plane.  Her fears preyed on my mind.  I felt virtually helpless to do anything about it.

That's when I had an idea.  I had heard that Platinum Members (5 trips or more) were sometimes given priority treatment.  Maybe they were allowed to get off the ship before anyone else.  Marla agreed it was worth a try.  After all, we were now Platinum Members; why not see if there was an advantage we didn't know about?   At this point we needed an edge.

So I took the elevator to the Viking Crown Lounge at the top of the ship. I entered the room where the Elite were getting VIP treatment. I was instantly thrilled to be there!  I saw steaming pots of coffee and the yummiest donuts in the universe.  Fighting off my guilt that Marla was down there starving and lonely, I told myself she would want me to eat.  Three donuts quickly entered my body.

My basic needs met, I turned my attention to the room.  It was pretty crowded.  Obviously the Elite hadn't snuck out the door either.  Still, while I was here, I had to investigate.  So I approached a junior Staff officer named Jeff who was overseeing the activities in the lounge.

I asked Jeff if it was true that Platinum and Diamond members got off the ship before anyone else.  He shook his head and said that was not the case.  The Express Walk-Off people got off the ship first.  I groaned. 

I asked Jeff if he knew what the hold-up was.  He answered that being stuck up here in the tower kept him from getting the inside scoop.  He had no idea what the problem was.  

Jeff paused for a moment, then added, "The way things have gone this week, I think this ship must have a curse on it."

A curse?  Had I heard him right?  Suddenly Jeff had my complete attention.  Jeff had just become the first staff member the entire week to talk to me like I was a fellow human being, not a passenger from hell. 

"What do you mean, Jeff?" 

"I mean nothing goes right on this ship. Half the Staff is trying to get off this ship.  People are requesting transfers right and left.  Me too.  This ship is a tough place to work."

I was astonished at the man's candor.  I wanted to hear more, so I said, "It seems to me that the Staff is just as angry at the passengers as the passengers are at the Staff."

"No kidding.  Staff morale has hit rock bottom.  They are so sick of getting screamed at by passengers they just want to get off this ship as fast as they can.  One lady cried for an entire afternoon after some jerk started cursing at her over the Bar Harbor problems.  It wasn't her fault, but she was in the line of fire and the guy let her have it."

I nodded in sympathy.  I told Jeff I had seen some of the passengers get pretty ugly that day.  Their patience had disappeared after Martha's Vineyard and they were frantic to get to see Acadia. 

"Yeah, I know.  It is just a bad situation all the way around.  I can't imagine what the surveys will say. This week's surveys are going to kill us!"

"What surveys?  I didn't get a survey."

"The surveys are our biggest problem.  The Jewel Staff has been getting the lowest ratings in the company now for over a year.  We just can't seem to turn it around.  Guess what?  The other night they threw us a party.  Wednesday night they reserved the Viking Crown Lounge for the Staff and got us drunk.  I've never seen that before.  They figured if they got us drunk, somehow we might cheer up.  What a great morale booster!" 

I smiled. I reminded Jeff they played the same trick on the passengers on Friday with an hour of free drinks.  He laughed at that. "I wonder what management program teaches that!"

Just then my cell phone rang.  It was Marla.  She had to go to the restroom; would I mind coming back to watch the luggage?

I told her of course I would come back, but I immediately regretted that the phone call had put an end to this conversation just when it was getting interesting.

Maybe this ship did have a curse on it.  You had my vote!

I wanted to hear Jeff's theories on where the problems started, but my chance to get the inside story was gone.  The phone call had broken the mood. I said my goodbyes and headed for the elevator.

When I reached the Centrum at 8:45, I saw an officer so I asked what the problem was.  She told me that Immigration would not release the ship for some reason.  She added that she didn't have the slightest idea what had gone wrong. She just wished they would let the people go home.  Amen. 

After Marla returned, she told me a bizarre story.  It seems while I was gone, there was a nasty argument in the Centrum between two staff members.  A female staff member was giving people permission to set up shop in the Centrum.  Then a man came along and told them they had to leave.  They protested, saying they had permission.  The male Staff member said this area was reserved for the handicapped.  They would have to go.  That's when someone went to fetch the woman staff member.

Now the woman and the man got into an argument right in front of everyone.  The man stood his ground and the woman left in a huff.  I frowned.  This story sounded familiar.  I asked Marla to point out the tough guy.  Sure enough, it was Authority Man throwing his weight around again.  I guess with me out of the picture upstairs, he had to find someone else to kick around.