JANUARY 1979, AGE 29, the disco years
LANCE STEVENS
AND COSMIC BLINDNESS
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Despite my
personal woes, my dance program got off to a great start in
the New Year. I gave Sunshine Victoria full credit. Last year's
Halloween Party and Christmas Party had planted seeds that this dance program was turning
into a social
organization, a 'Dance Club' of sorts.
My program lacked a name, but so what? Everyone
could sense the development of a group identity.
The
Saturday Night Fever-inspired Disco Era
was one year old. Now that I had quit my day job, I
was relieved to see the energy stronger than ever. The
momentum created by Victoria's December Christmas Party
ratcheted enthusiasm to an all-time high. Thanks
to word of mouth, if someone in Houston wanted to learn to
dance, 'Rick
Archer' was sure to be mentioned. The
Class
Factory sent me a huge new class of 60 people in
January, the
highest total to date. Another key factor was a
powerful response to the mailing list schedule that Victoria
had persuaded me to send out. My January-February
classes were packed to the brim.
Thanks to private lessons with Glen,
in January I began teaching
the fabulous partner dance known as the 'Latin Hustle'.
My advanced students on Monday were really excited. The response
to this class was so good that I had to offer a second
section on another night. Between the Hustle, the
extraordinary help of Victoria and the teeming number of Class
Factory students, business was booming.
My dance program had become 'the place to be'. Rick
was on top of the world. I was clever, I was funny, I
was successful. Of course no one knew I was balanced
precariously on a House of Cards. No one suspected I was walking a tightrope.
One mistake and it could all
be gone in a flash. Sure enough, just when I thought I
had all my threats under control, a serious problem emerged. In January Lance Stevens
finally figured out something weird was going on. Gee,
it only took him four months. Impressive.
Typically I taught 2 classes a night, 7-8, 8-9, plus the
occasional 9-10 pm class. Let's call it 13 classes a
week. Here at the start of 1979 I taught
five classes a week for Stevens at $15 an hour. I
taught the other 8 classes under the 'Rick Archer'
banner. These students
paid me directly. After deducting $15 an hour to rent
a room, I made $50-100 an hour teaching classes for
myself. Although Stevens was still making good
money off of me, I was getting the lion's share. At
this point, 75% of the Disco students wrote their checks to
me while 25% of the Disco students wrote their checks to
him. This bizarre seesaw effect had taken place gradually over
a four month period last
fall. However it had gone completely unnoticed by Stevens. Have you ever heard anything more ridiculous? Right
under his nose! How was it possible for Stevens to overlook what
was going on in his own studio for four solid months?
As consequence
to his lack of vigilance, there were now two
programs under one roof. Stevens had 100 Ballroom and
Whip students taking group classes. I had 400 Disco
students. Put yourself in
the shoes of Lance Stevens. Each time five people
walked through the door, one was a student of Stevens and
the other four were Disco students. One of those four made their check out to Stevens,
but their loyalty was to me. The other three gave their
checks and their loyalty to me. In simple terms,
80% of the people who walked through the doors belonged to Rick and
Victoria. Absurd? Without question.
In January, I
paid Stevens more for renting his rooms than he paid me to
teach for him. That is how he finally caught on. So what does a normal person do
when outnumbered 4 to 1? First they notice something
is wrong, then they ask questions.
What is going on? How did this happen? What can we do to rectify this situation? Did
Stevens come talk to me? No! No!
Stevens never said a word to me. A normal person would
have done something to correct this unacceptable situation.
Not Stevens. All he did was glower and
continue his Cold War tactic of
watching my classes with Cliann and Alicia from a distance.
The Dragon Ladies were not happy to say the least. Nor
should they be! There's an old saying, "Try
listening to your wife sometime." I imagine his
shrewd wife Cliann was furious at Stevens for his passivity.
How could anyone tolerate this absurd reversal of fortune
without a word?
There are three
explanations, two Realistic, one Mystic. One Realistic
explanation is that Stevens thought so little of me he never
paid a bit of attention to what I was doing. Another
Realistic explanation was that Stevens feared I might take
my students and leave if he confronted me. It helped
considerably that I had made the man rich in 1978. And
even though he was making less money off me now than he did
before, my rent checks were an invaluable source of income.
My guess is there was so
much money in his checking account that Stevens decided it
was easier to turn a blind eye than risk confronting me. And of course the Mystic explanation is Cosmic
Blindness. Perhaps Stevens was kept Cosmically Blind
by Fate until the
elephant in the room had grown to its full height. I
favored the Mystic explanation for one simple reason... no one
can be that stupid, not even Lance Stevens.
Okay, we can all
agree Stevens had no
one to blame but himself for his mistake to let me teach
classes for myself under his roof. However, here
is what is even stranger. Stevens never once asked to
renegotiate. There was nothing in writing.
Consequently, as 'Landlord', Stevens had the power to
put his foot down and claim this arrangement was not fair.
Had he done so, I guarantee I would have compromised rather
than be forced to move. So what stopped him? Cosmic Stupidity?
It had to
be! I contend that no ordinary human being can be that
stupid, especially with a bitter wife warning him on a nightly
basis that this snake named Rick Archer was taking advantage
of him. Therefore I suspect a Higher Power must have
blinded him. Why? If you buy my theory that it
was my Fate to succeed despite my obvious limitations, that meant the Universe needed to
remove obstacles in my path. Eric had been
the prime example of Destiny moving mountains on my behalf,
so while we're at it, let's make Lance Stevens incompetent as well.
For that matter,
there was a lot of Stupidity going around. Victoria
was Blind for thinking Joanne was the second coming of
a Patricia with dance ability. Joanne was Blind for
chasing me in front of Victoria. Patricia was Blind
for insulting me with George. I was Blind for
ignoring my inner warning that sleeping with Joanne was
a VERY BAD IDEA. Lance Stevens was asleep at the
wheel. With five stupid people in the same
place, you would think the studio was Home for the Blind.
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RICK'S RECURRING
NIGHTMARE
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Now that
Patricia and I were back together, how were
things going? Very well, thank you for
asking. True to her promise, Patricia no longer
needled me about my inability to afford her. Thus she had turned into
a pretty good girlfriend. Hoping to please me,
Patricia had begun joining me at the Pistachio Club on
Friday nights along with Victoria's Circle of Friends. But how long would the good times last? Victoria's
decision to make Patricia her new best friend was a
development I never saw coming. When I brought Patricia
back into my life to keep Victoria in
line, I never expected Victoria would cozy up to her.
Each Friday in January, I watched in disbelief as Victoria
made sure to greet Patricia like her best friend forever.
The situation was dripping with irony. Patricia, a
world class beauty and smart as a whip, was totally unaware
she was being used as a pawn by both Rick and Victoria.
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So how did I
feel about the rapprochement? On the surface, it made
my life much easier to see the two women get along.
But it also made me very nervous. What if those two
women progressed from hugging to actually chatting? If
so, I believed the secret of the Dangerous
Liaison was certain to be exposed.
There was a joke I had heard recently.
If
a man wishes to have a successful marriage....
1.
It is important to find a woman who takes great care of
the house.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have
sex.
It is imperative these three
women never meet under any circumstance.
Once upon a time, I thought that joke was funny. But
not anymore. At the moment that joke hit way too close to home.
Try as I might, I could not seem to get a certain catastrophic
nightmare out of my mind.
The Nightmare was always the same.
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In
my dream, I come home from work and find Patricia
lying in bed asleep. Patricia has become my sweetheart. I gaze at her beauty and
wonder what I have done to deserve a woman as
magnificent as her.
Patricia opens her eyes and smiles at
me.
"How did
your classes go tonight, honey? Did you have fun?"
I would answer,
"Yes, darling, my classes went great tonight."
Patricia would open
her arms and coo softly. "That's wonderful,
Rick.
Now come to bed and give me a hug. I miss you so much!"
I would reach for Patricia, but for some reason
she disappears. I cannot
find her. Maybe she is lost somewhere under the
sheets. I pull the covers
completely
off the bed, but Patricia is gone. Maybe Patricia went
to the kitchen. In a panic I fling open the kitchen door,
then suddenly freeze. Victoria and Patricia are talking feverishly at
the table.
Joanne listens as the two Divas
compare notes.
Oh
my God!
Do not let these women talk to each other under any
circumstance!
It's too late.
I can tell by their venomous glare they have
already figured it out.
Victoria
screams,
"Rick
Archer, Who the
hell is George!?!?!?"
When I refuse to answer, Victoria continues.
"What
made you think I wasn't going to catch onto your lies
about Joanne? I knew all along you had sex with
her, you lying sack of shit. And what was all that bullshit
about defending my right to be your dance partner instead of
Patricia? Did you really think you were going
to get away with this? You
have to be the world's most stupid asshole!! When
I am done with you, your
dance career will be burned to a crisp!!"
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I would
wake up trembling in terror. In the darkness of
my room, I
would shiver at what would happen to me if my terrible gambles
ever
backfired. I had stuck my neck
out too far. There is
no chance I could ever survive this. Eventually these
women were bound to compare notes. I will never own
a dance studio. Why not? Because there were too many ways this pack of lies
could go wrong.
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The major
consequence of the Dangerous Liaison
was my
loss of innocence. My efforts to deal with
Patricia's treachery,
Joanne's inability to keep her feelings in check and
Victoria's Tirade had all contributed to throw my moral compass out
of kilter.
Right now I did not
like myself very much.
I was definitely
breaking bad.
On the other hand, my deception was working. Although this was
the first time in my life I had ever played dirty, I noticed
I was unusually good at it. So far no one had
caught on.
In the space of
four days, I had cheated on Patricia, broken my
Fair Game rule with Joanne, deceived Patricia on why I welcomed her back, and lied to Joanne
on why I had allowed Patricia to return. As for Victoria,
I had fed her the biggest pack of lies since the
heyday of Pinocchio. Due to Victoria's excessive preoccupation with Joanne,
I believed these lies were my
only way to keep her from discovering I had slept with
her greatly-feared rival.
My high school teachers at St. John's encouraged
us to ask questions. Considering I
was curious about everything, I was grateful to
have instructors who insisted we question anything that did not seem right. I recall the day
Mr. Goff, my History teacher, asked the class to answer a
disturbing question.
"Are there times when it is okay to lie?"
The consensus
among my classmates was unanimous. It was not right to
lie. Mind you, these
were sheltered, privileged young ladies
and gentlemen who had been trained to aspire to the
highest ethical standards. I was the lone exception.
One of my favorite quotes was from Julius Caesar. "It
is not these well-fed men that I fear, but the pale and
hungry-looking." In other words, lofty morals are
reserved for pampered lives. Beyond a doubt I was the
least sheltered student in the room. So I raised my hand.
"Mr.
Goff, I saw a movie called The Diary of Anne Frank.
If I am the father and the Nazis come for my family, I would
lie about where my children are hiding."
"Good for you,
Rick. In that situation, I would lie too.
Desperate times call for Desperate Measures."
My dance program
was my 'Child'.
Building this dance program was the most
important thing in the word. I
believed God had given me this opportunity for a
reason. If I had to lie to protect my dance program,
then so be it. Considering I felt like I was on the
verge of losing control, lying to the three women had become
second nature. The sad thing is
that I could have
avoided all of this back in December. Following my 'Rock
Star Rick' argument with Patricia shortly before Christmas, I
had vowed never to go near Patricia again.
Had I stuck to my guns and turned down Patricia's New Year's
Eve invitation, none of this would have ever happened. In
particular, I would have never committed my Dangerous Liaison. There is
Normal Stupidity and there is Colossal Stupidity. Oh
how I regretted giving in to Joanne. I recalled how Joanne
stood in the rain and silently willed
me to break my vow to protect her. The soothsayer in
the back of my mind warned me I would regret this. I was
reluctant to give in, but I was so depressed I did it anyway.
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And yes, I did
regret it. Thanks to my mistake with Joanne, I
expected I would be forced to continue these lies
indefinitely. My deceit had turned me into a Lion Tamer.
I had three women who possessed the power to advance my
dance career or do it great harm. Did
I have the ability to tame all three women or would one
attack with my back turned and rip me to shreds?
As long as
Patricia or Victoria never spoke to Joanne or to each other, my
secret was safe. The problem is that women talk.
That is what they do. So how do I contain this
threat? I had
no choice but to use deception and manipulation to keep my
Temptation Triangle apart. I was hardly a
master politician, but I did know how to play Paper,
Scissors and Rock.
Patricia was afraid of Victoria.
Victoria was afraid of Joanne. Joanne was underdog
to
both. So, like any good lion
tamer, I played the three
women against each other. What else could I do?
Use diplomacy? Use honesty? Use candor? Oh please. Not with these women.
The only way to
keep these Divas in check was to play one against the other.
I took no
satisfaction in the games I played, but I was sick and
tired of being pushed around. I felt like the 90-pound
weakling who gets sand kicked in his face.
Look at it this way... all three women had
crossed the line and not once did I fight back!
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What
kind of man allows his girlfriend to go see her old
boyfriend without protest? What kind of man allows a married woman
to scream at him in public about his sex life? What kind of
fool hands the power
of destruction to a lonely, lovelorn woman? Each women had the power
to hurt my business, i.e. 'my Child'. Something had to be done before
the threat got any worse.
More than anything else, I
had to keep Victoria in the dark. I am not by
nature a man who plays games. I am typically truthful and
sincere. However, I felt the need to appease Volatile Victoria
under any circumstance. The Tirade and Inquisition
were the breaking point. If this gets any worse, I am
toast. I understood that Victoria felt threatened by
Joanne. But her anger was completely uncalled for. Had she spoken to me quietly, I
would have been happy to reassure her. Instead, her
Tirade was so heated and fierce, it bordered on madness.
By bullying me
in public, Victoria had chosen the
wrong way to handle her fears. Now it was me who felt threatened
by Victoria. What kind of woman screams at a man in
public over something as petty as Joanne's interest in me?
I had every right to see and dance with whomever I wished.
However Victoria could have cared less about my rights.
The memory of listening to Victoria drill me over Joanne incensed me. Something was not right with this
woman. If Victoria continued
in the direction she was headed, she could
jeopardize everything I had worked for. That left me
with no choice but to fight back. I needed to
gain the Upper Hand before I went nuts with anxiety over
what Victoria would do next.
Out of desperation, I
pulled the the
craziest stunt of my life. The decision to allow Patricia
to return was insane. Even crazier, it
worked!
During the Inquisition, I used
Patricia as centerpiece in the
most outrageous pack of lies I ever concocted. Victoria was so
pleased by my lies, the Sunshine Goddess
immediately got back to work making 'OUR' dance
program even more phenomenal.
How long
would it take for my lies to come unraveled? I felt
trapped in a vise grip of feminine wiles. At the moment, deception and
insincerity seemed the only way to escape the tangled web
woven by the three Divas.
In my struggle to keep my head above water, Henri's passage on the 'Keeping
the Upper Hand' stayed
front and center in my mind.
"Women have
fine instincts honed over eons. They are not as
physically powerful, so women have learned to be
smarter. The moment a woman
realizes you cannot live without her, you will be under
her control. Pledge undying loyalty if you must,
but to do so is a mistake. Don't be surprised when she
insists you do things her way. A better strategy is to
convince her she does not have exclusive possession of
your loyalty.
No lover has ever given me
a hard time when she was convinced I was seeing other
women. If
you have
ability to overcome your jealousy, why not suggest an
open relationship?
My recommendation is to
keep two or three women at a time. Once a
woman thinks she has real competition for your attention, this is how you keep the
Upper Hand.
However, this is
not as easy as it sounds. Under no circumstance
can you allow your feelings of jealousy and possessiveness to
show. A woman can read these signs with the skill
of a poker player searching for tells. She will
know when you are bluffing."
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I decided
Henri's
rules could apply to my Temptation Triangle. I
decided the only way to control my Divas was to
convince each woman she was expendable due to the other
two. Of course
I was totally bluffing with Victoria, but in order to keep
her in line I had to make her believe
I was ready to pick Joanne over her if she gave me a hard
time. Same for Patricia. If she
gave me a hard time, I
would simply bring up Victoria's name. Joanne never
gave me a hard time because she already knew she was expendable. I was not
proud of myself for using this cheap trick, but it worked.
Playing each woman off the other two was the only way I
could keep each woman in her assigned corner of the Triangle.
The main danger
was the three women would talk. For this reason, every
day my motto was divide and conquer. As long as I could
keep the women apart, they would remain distrustful of each other. Right now, I was feeling hopeful. The chance of
these women letting down their guard in each other's
presence seemed about as likely as Hell freezing over.
As an example, so far neither Patricia nor Victoria had been
willing to stoop low enough to talk to Joanne or each other
for that matter. However,
just when I thought I was safe, a new threat emerged.
I referred to it as 'Camelot'.
Camelot would
surely be the end of me.
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FRIDAY, JANUARY 12, 1979, the disco years
THE CAMELOT SUGGESTION
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Camelot was the
natural offshoot of the energies Victoria created in the
fall of 1978. It began on Friday,
January 12, the same night Victoria's
Friday night private dance class resumed.
Victoria's Saturday
Tirade was six days old. As her Friday private dance class
returned for a new series of patterns, I wondered
if
Michael would show any change after the Tirade. Apparently not. Michael
was relaxed and perfectly
content during class. Our
rapport indicated that he felt no suspicion
whatsoever towards me. This confirmed my hunch that Victoria's motive for chewing me out
was not jealousy, but rather the fear of
seeing her hard work go down the drain. Surely that is
what she had told Michael.
Victoria's
Friday class had
started in October with over 30 people. However the class
had suffered
inevitable attrition.
Victoria was down to a tight-knit group of six married couples
who
had become inseparable. Having
reached the Advanced level, their dancing was excellent.
Every day Victoria was on the phone with at least one or two of the wives. Referring
to them as her 'Circle of Friends', these six women had become her power base.
The Circle was very tight. The wives were loyal to Victoria
for the miracle of getting their
husbands to dance. In addition, they thoroughly
enjoyed sharing Friday nights with friends they had made
through dancing over the past three months.
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At the end of
the first January class, Victoria pulled me over. I
quickly tensed up. Now
what? Ever since the Inquisition
three days ago, I worried Victoria would see
the light and bust me.
"Rick, are
you coming with us to the Pistachio Club tonight?"
"Yes, but
just briefly. Patricia wants us to be alone tonight,
so I said I would meet her later."
Victoria looked at me quizzically, but I gave no further
information. I did not want
Patricia and Victoria anywhere near each other.
I wanted to put as much time and distance from last
week's Tirade and Patricia's surprising return as
possible. The way I saw it, the only way the secret of
the Liaison could leak is if Victoria and Patricia began to
talk. The best to prevent that was to keep the women
apart.
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A very curious
thing happened that night. When I got to the Pistachio
Club, the 12 students from Victoria's Friday class were sitting
apart using three tables 4 to a person. I laughed and
said, "What a shame we can't find a Round Table big enough
for you all to sit together."
Victoria picked
up on the Round Table idea and exclaimed, "We are the Knights of the Round Table!"
Then
someone quipped,
"Victoria has turned the Pistachio Club
into a modern
Camelot."
It was a
clever comment, so everyone
laughed. It was amusing to see Arthurian Legend merge
with Saturday Night Fever. Immediately
the men moved the tables together to form a
rectangle. Although it was not a circle, the
idea caught on. From here on out, Victoria's
In Crowd referred to Friday Night as 'Camelot'.
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The laughter
eased the tension between Victoria and myself, so this
seemed like a good time to ask her to dance. I was still bitter towards Victoria for
raking me over the coals during the Tirade and
Inquisition. However, if I was going to
make this work, I had to hide my feelings and get on with
it.
Victoria was
beyond thrilled. Without Patricia or Joanne around,
this was her chance to shine. Victoria joked that she was the Dancing Queen and I
was
King Richard. As we danced, Victoria reveled in the
knowledge that all eyes were upon her. In Victoria's
mind, this was the way it was always meant to be. In retrospect,
perhaps this was the night when Victoria's fantasies entered
a dangerous new dimension. I sometimes wonder if
Victoria had forgotten the history of Camelot had its dark side.
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FRIDAY, JANUARY 19, 1979
CAMELOT BEGINS
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After our dance,
Victoria pulled me aside.
"Rick,
I want you to do me a favor. I want to build
on last December's Christmas Party. I would like
to invite the
entire studio to meet on a regular basis every Friday
evening. My
Circle of girlfriends and their husbands
will provide the leadership. That way we can have a regular Friday Night dance
party. Starting this coming Monday I want you to start announcing
that Friday evenings at the Pistachio Club will
become a weekly event for the entire studio.
Victoria paused
a moment, then added, "I also want
you to invite
Patricia to join us on Fridays."
I panicked at
the thought. "You don't like Patricia. Why do
you want me to do that?"
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"That's
a good question. I've been
giving it a lot of thought. Ever since you told me
that Patricia reluctantly agreed to let me be your dance
partner, I think it is time
to wave the peace flag. I think if Patricia was
here with you on Fridays, you would feel more comfortable helping
me host the event. I think it is important for
both of us to be here. Will you talk to her for me?"
Without
hesitation, I replied, "Yes, of course, Victoria, I will talk to her."
I had just told another fib. I never said a
word to Patricia. However, I did think a
weekly Friday night party was a great idea. Silly me,
I never imagined the danger this move presented because
I was certain neither Joanne nor Patricia would be willing
to attend. During the
following week I
followed up on Victoria's idea. I posted an
announcement on the wall, then made sure to tell my Monday and
Wednesday classes that
Victoria and I would be hosting a regular event on Friday
nights. I let Victoria handle the promotion on
Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
When I made my
announcement to my Latin Hustle/Acrobatics class on Monday night, I noticed Joanne seemed
curious. So was everyone else. They immediately
liked the idea. One of my
students asked me what time I would get there.
"I have a class
to teach from 9-10, so probably around 10:30 pm."
"Isn't 10:30 pretty late?"
"Yes, it
is, but you guys are welcome to come earlier. I
will join in progress."
"If I
come early, how will
I know which is your group?"
"Our group sits
on the far side of the floor at the back. If you can't find us,
just look for the best dancers and follow them to their
table. That should do it."
I winked to let
everyone know I was teasing, but they knew I was only
half-kidding. My program had many good
dancers. January 1979 marked the start of my second
year of teaching. Gone were the days of the Great
Imposter. Thanks to my hard work in the first
half of 1978 and the contributions of Victoria and Class Factory in the second half, my
dance program had really hit its stride.
As usual, leave
it to Victoria to come up with another great idea. Camelot was the final piece of the puzzle. Our weekly Friday Night get-together
was the icing
on the cake. This was the next natural step in the development
of the social
program which began with the Halloween Party
and Christmas Party.
I should have thought of
this myself, but I didn't. In fact, I kicked myself
for never thinking of this obvious follow-up to the
Christmas Party. As always, little Miss Sunshine was
several steps ahead of me.
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We held our
Inaugural Camelot event on Friday, January 19. The
moment I walked in the door, I was pleased to see the
response was terrific. The Advanced and Super-Advanced dancers
were all here. They liked this idea. They enjoyed
knowing where they could find their friends and other
students who danced at their level on a Friday night.
The Beginning and Intermediate students were pleased because
they liked the security of
hanging with a large group while they learned
the ropes. The lure of meeting new
people and spending the night dancing with friends was
powerful indeed. For that matter, students who
were 'Alumni' were welcome to join as well. The energy of
our group was so
magnetic that people we didn't know came over to
check us out and join the party. I was tickled to see
Camelot had become our
official playground.
However, my
initial joy quickly turned to horror. Once I
made it to the back, I was
shocked... and not at all happy... to see Joanne
sitting with the group. The sight of seeing the
Ice Queen sitting
within ten feet of Victoria caused me to nearly faint.
Overcome with dread, I wondered what Victoria would do when
she saw Joanne invading her territory.
To my surprise,
Joanne smiled. I gasped. Joanne never smiled!
"Hi Rick.
Surprised to see me? I decided the time has come to join the
dance group. On Monday, Dave and Rodrigo
liked your spiel about coming every Friday night.
After class, they asked me to come and practice with
them. I
decided to take them up on their offer."
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Dave and Rodrigo
were card-carrying Core Group members in my special Monday
Night Advanced class. They
were my buddies from back in the Summer of 78. Dave
and Rodrigo had
been instrumental in orchestrating my Jet Set headaches
with Marilyn, the teenage girl who had no
business hanging out at a wife swappers club. Hearing
Joanne mention their names, the two men looked
up and waved at
me. As I nodded back, I was impressed with
Joanne. Although her appearance had me rattled, for her sake this
was excellent news. By
making an effort to join our group of dancers, I hoped Joanne
could use her dance skills to finally make some friends.
I was glad
Joanne was smiling, but I was not out
of the woods. What
would Victoria say? Full of fear, I whispered to
Joanne. "Please stay off the radar."
Joanne nodded.
Just then I looked up and saw Patricia enter the club. I was supposed to meet Patricia at her apartment later on,
so imagine
my shock when I saw her walk in. Surprise, Surprise!! Patricia had decided to
make the scene and I nearly died on the spot.
The words of the
Soothsayer echoed in my mind. "It is
imperative these three
women never meet under any circumstance!"
What the hell is
Patricia doing here? With a groan, I realized my
mistake. I had told Patricia I would be spending an
hour at the club tonight. Rather than sit at home till
Midnight, Patricia decided to join us. Apparently the
recent easing of the tension
between us had persuaded Patricia to give dancing
another try. Ordinarily I would have been pleased, but
the need to protect the Liaison Secret presented a major
dilemma.
If Victoria or Patricia went over to challenge
Joanne, God only knows what might come out of Joanne's
mouth. This situation was very precarious. I was certain
we were on the Eve of Tirade II... or more likely the Eve of
Destruction.
For that matter,
if for some
reason Victoria and Patricia got into another Clash of the
Titans fight, who
knows what might be said in anger? Any spark could
light the bonfire. I could just see Victoria saying
something spiteful like, "Hey, Patricia, did you know I
saw Rick and Joanne together while you were gone?"
With my
Nightmare on the verge of becoming Reality, I was facing a potential Extinction Level Event. Shaking with fear, I
glanced at
Joanne before Patricia made it across the room. Joanne nodded.
Mum's the word. Seeing that Joanne was cool, I
felt a surge of relief. Now I beat a hasty path to
intercept Patricia. I
nearly tripped when I saw Victoria wave to Patricia with a
big smile. Huh? What the hell is going on here? I blinked.
It looked to me like Victoria really welcoming Patricia to this
event. The
thought of Victoria being nice to Patricia was so shocking I nearly passed out. Patricia was surprised as well.
She stopped in her tracks and looked at me.
"Why is Victoria waving
at me?"
I recalled that
Victoria had asked me to invite Patricia, but I never
thought she was sincere. Maybe I was wrong. I
shrugged and replied, "Don't ask me.
I have no idea what Victoria is up to."
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Sensing
Patricia's confusion, Victoria came over and greeted
her warmly. Considering I had revealed Patricia's
distrust of Victoria during the Inquisition, I could
scarcely believe what took place had I not seen it with my own eyes.
As I stood there
frantic with worry, Victoria extended the Olive Branch to
Patricia.
"Listen,
Patricia, I am sorry that you and I got off on the wrong foot.
However, this is a New Year. How about you and I start over?
I know how much Rick likes you, so hopefully we will be
spending a lot of time together this year. Why don't you and Rick come sit with
my group of friends? Let me introduce you."
You could have
knocked me over with a feather. The Earth had just flipped on its axis. Why was Queen Kong
being nice to Princess Godzilla? When Victoria
invited Patricia to come sit with her group, I wondered if
peace in the Middle East was next. Patricia seemed
skeptical, but to her credit she decided to cooperate.
Patricia
followed Victoria to meet
Michael and some of the other couples. I was
amazed to see Patricia had just been invited to join Victoria's
Camelot In-Crowd.
I was sick with fear.
Would Victoria ask for Patricia's phone number? Would
she become Victoria's new phone buddy? I
prayed that would never happen.
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As I stood there
watching the introductions, I tried to figure it out.
The
Tirade incident and subsequent Inquisition was somehow responsible for this
unexpected Detente,
but I still did not see the dynamics.
My breakthrough came when I saw Victoria glance over at Joanne
and frown deeply. That was the clue I needed.
The Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend. I would have never
believed it.
Just then I saw Dave
ask Joanne to dance. I smiled as they headed to the
floor. I had never seen Joanne
dance with someone else. Watching her on the floor,
she looked good, real good. Happy too. With a
twinge of jealousy, I regretted pushing Joanne away.
Here at the Pistachio Club, Joanne's unique superpower gave
her an unusually elevated status. Victoria was well
aware that Patricia was useless to my career,
but Joanne was a legitimate danger. Furthermore, Joanne was single, a fact that
was pure kryptonite to Victoria. Right now Joanne was
wearing a skin tight leotard. Her short skirt
revealed those beautiful long legs.
Thanks to the leotard, Joanne's impressive curves
were on full display for the very first time. Victoria
and Patricia were neck and neck in the beauty department, but
Joanne's figure was superior to both. There was no
doubt in my mind (or Victoria's) that Joanne was pressing her advantage
tonight.
I watched
Victoria study Joanne from afar. Fear was
written all over Victoria's face as Joanne did her best Ginger Rogers
impersonation. I could read Victoria's mind. Noting her deep frown,
Victoria feared the worst if Joanne could lure me into bed. With Joanne's
Centerfold figure and long legs on
full display, this situation had reached crisis status. Something had to
be done!
Just then Victoria turned and looked at Patricia. She
too was watching Joanne. To my consternation, Victoria
smiled. It was crazy to think the threat of
Joanne might have driven Victoria into Patricia's arms.
But what other explanation could there be?
After a brief analysis, I reached a
conclusion. As long as it was not me out there dancing
with Joanne, Victoria did not worry so much. If Victoria could strengthen my
relationship with Patricia, maybe she could keep Joanne on the
sidelines where Victoria wanted her. I was impressed.
Nice move, Victoria. Tonight's shift in allegiance
between Victoria and Patricia might just pan out. And
then I grinned. I still thought it was funny how
Victoria allowed Joanne to intimidate her.
Here at Camelot the Dancing Cat was sending Queen Kong back up the tree. I decided I needed to
do everything in my power to exaggerate Joanne's threat at
every turn. I knew Joanne would never stand a
chance to become my girlfriend, but why let Victoria know? Better to
keep her guessing. So when I got the chance, I pulled
Joanne over. To my satisfaction, I saw Victoria snap
to attention from a distance.
Lowering my
voice, I said, "Joanne, I
am really glad you are here tonight. I mean that.
But I also want
you to remember what we talked about. Whatever you do,
do not reveal a word of personal information to anyone. Victoria is a very spiteful person. If she
learns that you are a receptionist, I fear that she will make
fun of you. Victoria is very
intimidated by your dancing and will do anything to put you
down. So don't say a word. By the way, you look awesome out
on the dance floor. Let your dancing do your talking for
you."
Joanne replied, "Say no more.
I get it."
I wasn't through
yet. "To keep the peace, I am going to dance with
Victoria first, then Patricia. After that I want to
dance with you and show you off to the world. Are you
okay with that?"
Joanne nodded.
"Sure. You know where to find me."
Then she turned her back and walked away. I think I hurt
Joanne's feelings by giving her the third dance. Nor
did she like my reference to her low-status job.
However she understood where
I was coming from. That was all that mattered.
Then I looked back. Victoria looked satisfied.
She liked the fact that whatever I had said seemed to upset
Joanne. She assumed I was honoring my promise to put Joanne in her
place, which in a sense I was.
This was a weird
night. Adjusting as best I could to the new
reality, I made sure to dance with Victoria first.
While we danced, I noticed the frowns on Patricia and
Joanne's faces. I danced with Patricia second and was
treated to concealed smiles on Victoria and Joanne's
faces. Noticing their low opinion of Patricia's
dancing, I pulled Patricia into the center of the floor to
disguise her shortcomings. Then came the moment I had
been dreading... it was time to ask Joanne to dance. I
deliberately kept our dancing calm, but it did not matter.
Joanne was spectacular. With 80 people in attendance,
Joanne used her talent to enhance the Legend of the Ice Queen.
Our dance cemented Joanne's
status as the Superstar to a new generation of
students
who had never seen her in action.
Patricia and Victoria cringed as I danced with the Ice
Queen. Fortunately, the shift in dynamics might
just work in my favor. The inner workings of the Diva Triangle
assured the Ice Queen was frozen out. The Beauty
Queens had unwittingly isolated themselves from any
chance of
cross-communication with Joanne. Given how nasty they
were, I was convinced the two Divas were snobs who would
never demean themselves to speak to Joanne. That was fine with me.
Thanks to my pack of lies, Victoria had been fooled into
believing Joanne
and I had not slept together. Victoria's biggest fear was
that I might sleep with Joanne in the future.
Victoria gambled that her alliance with Patricia
was likely to prevent that possibility from happening.
Victoria and Patricia had no idea their fear had already taken place.
William Shakespeare once wrote “Misery acquaints a man
with strange bedfellows.” You can say that again.
I watched
the interaction between Victoria and Patricia all night long.
For reasons I will never know, Victoria did not share the
story of Joanne's appearance at the Pistachio Club on Tirade
Night. I was not out of the woods, but I would live to
dance another day. Although Victoria and Patricia
kept the conversation limited to superficial pleasantries,
through some sort of unspoken girl magic they came to a
Beauty Queen understanding. Princess Patricia became
Lady in Waiting to Queen Victoria and both women agreed Joanne
would be the
villain, a sexy libertine who
posed a major
threat to the Crown. Patricia and Victoria looked down
their noses all night long. Neither woman would
dare speak to Joanne! Hmm. Let's keep it that way. The chasm guaranteed continued silence.
To my delight,
once I got past the initial shock, the
night went very smoothly. 80 students had fun dancing
and there was no drama. My secret stayed a secret and
the three women coexisted pleasantly enough. Victoria
made huge strides. She not only tolerated the presence
of Joanne, her peace offering allowed Patricia to let down
her guard and have fun. Joanne also made huge strides.
By daring to come out of her shell, she thrilled the crowd
with her dancing and thrilled the men with her confident new
look.
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Perhaps the
biggest surprise was watching Patricia having a great time.
She enjoyed meeting the husbands of the Camelot Round Table.
Patricia was a hospital administrator. That opened the
door. Sharing a mutual
medical background, the men chatted with Patricia
all night long like old friends.
Starting in
January, Friday Night Camelot became a regular event for all
my students. We had crowds of 60, 70, 80 people
dancing on a
regular basis. The more these people danced together,
their dancing improved and close friendships blossomed.
More than likely, love affairs as well.
Queen Victoria presided over her
Kingdom, the Ice Queen was the best dancer, Princess
Patricia was the Fairest one of all, and I was King
Richard. Joy had come to Camelot.
I was
proud of myself. So far, my decision to play dirty was
paying off handsomely. Each woman was perfectly
content with her role. Best of all,
Victoria's Camelot suggestion was a roaring success with our
students. Every Friday night they had the best time of their lives
dancing and romancing all night long. I
would have never believed it, but somehow the intricacies of
the Temptation Triangle had elevated my dance program to
startling new heights.
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