MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER FIFTY ONE:

DECEMBER

Written by Rick Archer 

LIMBO MONTH six MONDAY morning, DECEMBER 03, 1979 IMPATIENCE

It was Monday, December 3.  Tonight I would face my 'Conspirators' again.  Amidst the drama of Fright Night, I had no idea what I was going to teach to my Ides of Waltz class in the remaining three Mondays of December. 

In addition, there was still my tattered love life to deal with.  Let's start with Jennifer.  Two full months had passed since U-Turn Week.  So far Jennifer had chosen not to resume our romance.  There had been one exquisite near-miss in mid-November, but on the eve of Thanksgiving everything had come unraveled.  The memory of Jennifer throwing a fit based on Michael's decision to leave home still rankled.  Then came the news that Jeff was coming to town.  It was not discussed, but I assumed Jeff had spent last week at Jennifer's apartment.  I was extremely jealous, but what could I do?  Of course I had objected to the arrangement, but Jennifer reminded me I never should have let Victoria through my front door in the first place.  We had not spoken since Sunday, November 25th at the tail end of Procrastination Week.  Then came Fright Night.

During the past week, I found the less I thought about Jennifer, the better.  I decided the best thing to do was leave her alone.  Jennifer knew my number if she cared to call.  More than likely, she was off in the sunset with Jeff.

Once upon a time I had been universally sold on Jennifer, even to the point of thinking I wanted to marry her.  However, this runaround with Jeff left me very bitter.   Jennifer was playing two men against each other.  Since Patricia and Victoria had done the same thing, this was the third time this year I had been forced to play second fiddle.  Considering I had faced three other unsuccessful Triangles the previous year... Jenny, Karen, and Nancy... I wondered if my bad luck with women would ever come to an end. 

Thanks in large part to Fright Night, my superstitious streak was working overtime.  Jennifer's visit with Jeff last week was the equivalent of Patricia's visit to George in Los Angeles back in January.  I have spoken of 'Weirdness' before as one of the key elements in a suspicious Supernatural Event.  The symmetry of having two matching incidents was weird.  There was something very odd about having Bookend Betrayals at the start of the year and the end of the year.  However I had no idea what to make of it.

Saddled with doubts about Jennifer, I had pretty much given up on her when I got a call on Monday morning, December 3.  Considering I had just spent the past week fuming over Jeff's visit with Jennifer, I was not particularly happy to hear from her.  I expected the worst.

"What can I do for you, Jennifer?"

"My week with Jeff was horrible."

Oh really?  I raised an eyebrow.  "Does that mean you aren't engaged any longer?"

"Jeff and I are still engaged, but I don't think it will work out.  Right now I am upset because I feel no enthusiasm for Jeff whatsoever."

From the sound of her voice, I think she had been crying in her office.  Good grief.  Was Jennifer opening the door for me?  It sure sounded that way.  Feeling renewed hope, I asked if I could drop by later tonight to talk it over.  To my surprise, Jennifer said no, she needed to rest from her stressful time with Jeff.  However I could call her later tonight if I wanted to. 

"Okay, Jennifer, I'll call you later."  And that was that.

My immediate reaction was disgust.  I was really angry at being refused a visit tonight.  Enough of this yo-yo nonsense.  Why was she even calling me?  If Jennifer wanted to resurrect the relationship, telling me to stay away tonight was the wrong message.  I had been through this same game with Victoria.  Now Jennifer was treating me like a puppet too.  Indecision, stalling, lukewarm interest.  Enough already.  Whatever happened to women meeting me halfway??  My patience with Jennifer was at low ebb, so I changed my mind and decided not to call later on.  Instead I turned my mind to C&W.  I would rather go dancing at Cowboy for the second Monday in a row.  Let Jennifer sit by the phone for a change.  I was tired of chasing her.

MONDAY NIGHT, DECEMBER 03 second visit to cowboy

I came in early to the studio on Monday, December 3.  It was 6 pm.  Now that I had committed to Country-Western, maybe I should give Joanne's music another try.  Joanne's twangy 'Outlaw Country' still grated on my nerves, but my improved attitude suggested I try to figure out which songs were Twosteps and which were Polkas.  It was sort of like doing homework, an exercise of sorts.  As I played music in a side room, without warning Lance Stevens swung open the door.  I was so surprised, I nearly jumped out of my skin. 

What was he doing here?  Once I calmed down, I realized Stevens had heard the music playing and became curious.  As he stood in the doorway watching me listen to the music, Stevens looked horrified.   

"That has to be the worst music I have ever heard in my life."

Stevens enjoyed insulting me.  It did not help that I agreed with his observation.   He had said something similar back in October when Joanne and I were having one of our Helen Keller dance lessons.   That said, Stevens' harangue had an odd déjà vu quality which triggered the memory.

With a bittersweet laugh, I replied, "You said the same thing about Disco music when you hired me two years ago."

Stevens was surprised at my comment.  Since we rarely spoke anymore, I guess he did not expect me to reply.  He ignored my comment and asked a question instead.  "Please tell me why you are sitting here alone playing that god awful music.  Do you like this music?"

"No, not particularly.  However, it looks like Urban Cowboy has killed any chance of Disco surviving past the New Year.  I am trying to learn more about country-western music so I can teach Western classes next year."

"Are you out of your mind?  I thought I told you that teaching Country-Western is a complete waste of time."

I recalled that moment.  I also recalled how depressed I had felt afterwards.  Feeling my anxiety rise, I replied, "Why is that, Mr. Stevens?"

"The dancing is too easy to learn.  I told you that before.  You're wasting your time because there is nothing to it."

When I did not reply, Stevens abruptly turned around and left.  I listened to the music a while little longer, then stopped.  Stevens' criticism was the last thing I needed to hear right now.  First Jennifer, now this.  Suddenly my heart wasn't in it any more.  My worst fear was that Stevens was right.  However, I had promised myself I would try as hard as I could, so I brushed off my bad mood and decided to hang in there.  I had enough material to make it through tonight with the remainder of what little I knew about Foxtrot/Twostep.  However, after that, the cupboard was bare.  Making matters worse, Glen had told me there were only a Foxtrot patterns left to learn.  That was the main reason I was headed to Cowboy later tonight.  Praying I could find something to teach in the final two Monday classes of December, this would be a scouting mission. 

Tonight's 8 pm Western class marked my reunion with last week's Fright Night conspirators.  I was curious what the reception would be.  As the students strolled in, I played some music so they could warm up.  I looked around for Devin and Mona.  Gone.  I looked for their friends Dave and Sylvia.  Gone.  I smiled.  Good riddance.  They had started the insurrection, but it fizzled out thanks to Smoke and Mirrors with Sally.  Speaking of Sally, there she was.  Based on her smile, she was happy to see me.  Still angry at Jennifer, I was sorely tempted to pick up where we left off at the end of Fright Night.  I decided to speak to her at Cowboy tonight.

With Devin, Mona, Dave and Sylvia out of my hair, this class was no longer a threat.  The remaining 16 people were my original Disco superstars.  Sally made 17.  Jerry and Lynette had known all along that I was faking it.  Jerry was polite, so I took that as a good sign.  As for Lynette, now that we mended fences last Monday, she was very warm towards me tonight.  As for the others, I don't think their hearts were into the Conspiracy to begin with.  Since I had given everyone a reason to grant me a second chance, the group was solidly back in my corner. 

I was very pleased.  Looking around, I gave everyone a look that dared them to mess with me.  No more Cowardly Lion.  Tonight I was a different Lion, I was Richard the Lion-Hearted.  And then I laughed.  My mother had named me for Richard the Lion-Heart.  Turned out he was gay.  Not only that, the king was so stupid he allowed himself to get captured in Austria on the way home from the Crusades.  That forced his famous mother Eleanor of Aquitaine to practically bankrupt England to pay for his release.  That is where the term 'King's Ransom' originated.  Last week I had paid a King's Ransom of my own during Fright Night.  I assumed all nine of my cat lives were gone, so that is why I adopted my Lion tamer personality.

Every person in the room sensed the return of my swagger.  I smiled.  These people knew me well enough to see I had undergone some sort of transformation.  One reason for my confidence was my visit to Cowboy which confirmed everything I had taught so far was legitimate.  What a relief!  It was so much easier to know what areas to work on now that I wasn't flying blind anymore.  Armed with one new Foxtrot move, I taught well.  In addition, now that the troublemakers were gone, I did not have to worry about a knife in my back.  That allowed me to relax and regain the teasing side of my teaching personality.  When a woman named Tamara complained about my 'Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mutha' song, I resumed telling jokes.

"Tamara, did you hear about two prisoners sentenced to die on the same day?"

Suspicious, Tamara said no.

"The warden was in a good mood, so he told both men he would grant them one last wish.  When the first guy said he wanted the Warden to play 'Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mutha' over the prison PA system, the other guy said, 'Well, in that case, let me die first.'"

To loud guffaws, Tamara managed a grin of her own.  Privately, I was pretty sick of that song myself.  I made a snap decision to visit a record store.  I needed to upgrade the music for the final two weeks of class.  Joking around with everyone, it was just like old times again.  This was going to work out just fine.  After last week's Fright Night, I was determined to turn over a new leaf.  So I made an announcement at the end of class. 

"Hey, everybody, I have a confession to make.  I have been so upset over the demise of Disco that I probably didn't prepare for this class with the best attitude in the world.   Fortunately my visit to Cowboy last week gave me a lift.  Thank you for encouraging me to go.  So now I have a question.  Who's coming to Cowboy with me tonight?"

Everyone laughed and exchanged smiling glances.  Without saying a word, everyone accepted my apology.  They knew I did not have my act together, but my appearance at Cowboy last week had alleviated everyone's fear that I was totally incompetent.  Furthermore, by voluntarily visiting Cowboy tonight, I would show there were no hard feelings on my part. 

To my surprise, Sally did not come to Cowboy.  Maybe she was mad at me for leaving her hanging last week.  Sally's disappearance left me flat-footed.  Still angry at Jennifer, I was in one of those defiant "Who needs Jennifer?" moods.   Looking for a silver lining to handle my disappointment, I concentrated on dancing with every woman from my class.  As a result, my second visit to Cowboy got off to a very good start.  I danced with every woman in the class... Lynette, Tamara and so on.  It took a solid hour to work through all eight ladies, but it was worth it.  Back on solid ground, the rift was healed.  What a difference a change in attitude can make.

JERRY MAKES A REQUEST

After an hour of dancing with my lady students, it was time for a break and a well-deserved beer.  Standing at the rail, I took a moment to watch the other dancers on the floor.  Comparing myself to them, I was pleased to note my western dancing was better than average.  I was glad to reconfirm everything I was teaching was correct.  I also noticed my men were the only ones using the Foxtrot patterns Glen had shown me.  Did anyone in the building realize what I had done?  Probably not.  No one seemed to care.  Which was good because no doubt the purists would lynch me for tampering with the Almighty Prairie Twostep.  All those cat lives were gone, but it was an ordeal well spent.  Realizing I could teach whatever move I wanted with impunity, I felt much more confident.

Just then my nemesis Jerry came over to ask if he could speak to me about something.  I was instantly on guard.  Jerry had been one of the leaders of the Conspiracy.  Since I assumed Jerry was still skeptical about my knowledge of Western dancing, maybe I wasn't out of the woods after all.  "What can I do for you, Jerry?"

"I was wondering if you have given any thought to offering a follow-up Western class at the start of next year."

Huh?  Did I hear Jerry correctly?  One week earlier Jerry was part of a group that suspected I was a fake.  Now he wanted a follow-up class.  I frowned immediately.   Was this a new trap?  No, I wasn't that paranoid, but Jerry's request did not make any sense.  He had been critical of me from the start.  I guess my solid performance in class tonight had helped to change his mind.  Ordinarily Jerry was a friend, but he also expected to receive what he had paid for.  I could accept that.

"Why do you want me to teach an Intermediate level?"

"Well, Rick, you're the only person I know who teaches this stuff and I want to improve."

I was not opposed to Jerry's request, but I was also not ready for it.  As things stood this very minute, I still needed moves to finish out my remaining two December classes.  So far I had seen nothing new at Cowboy tonight that I could use.  Given that I would have to play 'Fake it till you Make it' for the two final two classes of December, the last thing I wanted to do was commit to another class when I had no idea if there was something out there to actually teach.

Playing for time, I asked a question.  "Did you just say I am the only western teacher you know of?"

Jerry nodded.  "That's right.  Right now you're the only game in town."

This was ridiculous.  Surely someone in my wide circle of acquaintances knew the name of another Western dance teacher.  But maybe not.  I thought of my conversation with Deborah last week.  Between Jerry and Deborah, I was starting to believe it was true.  I was out here all by myself.  This was good news, but it was also bad news.  This meant there was no one in Houston who could teach me new material.  This was a real problem because Glen had told me his bag of tricks was nearly empty.  

So I asked Jerry a question.  "You realize of course that I don't know much more than you do."

"Yeah, I figured as much.  You didn't get off to a very good start with your class, so I began asking around.  Everyone just shrugs their shoulders.  Hard to believe, but you don't seem to have any competition.  So I guess I am stuck with you."

I gave Jerry a hard look.  Was he teasing or complaining?  His last statement was not exactly a rousing endorsement of my ability, but I saw his point.  Jerry was essentially saying the same thing as Deborah.  There were no other Western teachers.  This was definitely 'weird'.  Houston was the fourth largest city in the country with well over a million people.  Surely somewhere in my vast hometown someone was teaching western, but who were they?  And how could I find them?  It was hard to believe I was the only Western dance teacher in Houston, but if that was the case, it made sense to capitalize on this chance.

Unfortunately I had one huge reservation.  Now that I had visited Cowboy twice, I had yet to see a single thing that Joanne had not already shown me back in our Helen Keller Meyerland days.  If it wasn't for Glen's German Polka and Ballroom Foxtrot, I would have been dead in the water by now.  But was there anything else?  Based on what I had seen tonight, I was skeptical there was anything left to teach.  Seriously, even now I still needed material to finish out the final two weeks of my commitment to Jerry's class.  This was incredibly upsetting.  There had never been any limit to Disco patterns.  However, so far my two visits Cowboy offered little hope.  If I committed to a higher level, where was I going to find new material?   The last time I saw Glen, he said he had one 'slow-slow-quick-quick' Foxtrot pattern left.  If Glen's cupboard was bare, there was a distinct possibility I had exhausted all there was to learn about Country-Western dancing.  Having barely survived Fright Night by the skin of my teeth, my nerves could not take another gamble.  Given that all my remaining cats had died in the process, I was very reluctant to stick my neck out again. 

On the other hand, Jerry's request was tempting.  Very tempting...   If I was going to make a go of my new direction, an Intermediate Western class in January was an absolute necessity.  I had to expand my curriculum in order to succeed.

"I'll tell you what, Jerry.  I am interested, but I need to think about it.  Can I be honest with you?"

Maybe not the smartest thing to say given my fraudulent past.  Jerry thought so too.  He gave me a funny look.  He replied, "Okay, shoot."

"I am not sure I have enough to teach you in January.  Can you give me a couple minutes?  I need to do some scouting."  

Jerry nodded.  "I think I understand your problem.  Sure, take your time."

Curious, I got up and approached a group of five students sitting at another table.  Maybe someone knew the name of another teacher who could show me something.  "Hey guys, I have a question.  Do any of you know another Western teacher here in Houston?"

They all stared at me blankly.  Finally one of them replied, 'You're the only Western dance teacher we know.'

That is what I was afraid they would say.

Darn.  I was hoping they could identify a teacher who could help me, but their answer reinforced my growing fear that I was completely on my own.  And with that, I went back to the railing for the express purpose of watching the dancing.  Maybe I would spot something new, something I had not seen to encourage me a little.  I was hoping for a good omen to help me overcome my reluctance.  I also did some thinking.  Thanks to Fright Night, my ambition had returned.  My constant motto during the early days of Disco had been to accept all offers.  Back then, turning down any business opportunity went totally against my nature.  I had taken risk after risk to succeed at Disco.  So far I had used that same principle to begin my western career.  And it worked.  Three huge gambles had paid off for me... the risky Meyerland class, the dangerous Stevens class, plus my decision to use Foxtrot and German Polka as a source of new Western patterns.  However, thanks to the Ides of Waltz, last week I had seen one of my gambles fail miserably.  I nearly had a heart attack in the process.  Did I really want to risk that kind of anxiety again?  No! No! No!  NEVER AGAIN!

My biggest fear was someday one of my gambles would backfire and a Russian Roulette bullet was going to end my teaching career.  Fright Night and the Ides of Waltz had proven I was not invulnerable.  The near-miss with the Ides of Waltz plus my Test of Fire at Cowboy reminded me that failure was always a possibility.  Ever since Devin and Mona had glared at me regarding the Box Step mistake plus the memory of the Conspiracy surrounded by 20 questioning students made me terrified of exposure.  Feeling gunshy, I never wanted to take a chance like that again.  Besides, was this kind of gamble even worth it?  My mind drifted back to Lance Stevens.  "Waste of time".  Given that he was bound to know more about the dance business than me, his negativity left me feeling very insecure.  What did he know that I didn't know?   "Don't bother teaching Western dancing.  There's nothing to it and there's no money in it." 

Worried that Stevens was right, my inability to spot anything new on my second visit to Cowboy had me biting my nails.  I felt sick with disappointment.  Just when I thought my dance career had gotten a reprieve, I was faced with the realization that Western dancing might be too limited to replace Disco.  This bad news sent me deep into panic.  Nervous, I got up and walked around the club deep in thought.  Since Jerry was asking for another level of Western dancing, obviously the demand was there.  Jerry's request represented a critical step in my transition from Disco instructor to Western instructor.  If I accepted his offer, I would have a key Intermediate class as well as a Beginner class to offer in January.  However, now that I knew what real fear felt like, my enthusiasm for dangerous gambles was gone.  Why not play it safe for a change?

On the other hand, January was a full month away.  That gave me an entire month to scour the club for more moves.  Hmm.  A month is a long time.  Should I or shouldn't I?  The key to my Disco success had always been to accept the risk.  Given an entire month, surely I could find something I had missed.  Besides, if worse came to worse, I guess I could just cancel the Intermediate class at the last minute.  

So I returned to Jerry's side and said, "Sure, Jerry, sounds like a plan.  I will schedule an Intermediate Western class for Mondays in January.  I will make the announcement in class next week.  In the meantime, do me a favor and start passing the word."

Jerry thanked me and shook my hand.  Then he said he would tell his friends.  As he left, I had another one of those sinking feelings.  What was I getting myself into?  Hadn't I learned anything from the Ides of Waltz mistake?  One of these days my latest gamble would backfire badly and I would be a dead man.  Why am I offering to teach an Intermediate class without anything to teach??  Increasingly worried that I had already scraped the bottom of the barrel, I must be out of my mind.  

was I really stupid enough to stick my neck back into another noose without knowing what to teach?  

Of course I was.  Stupidity came naturally these days.

TUESDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 04 THE JANUARY SCHEDULE

Last night I given Jerry my word I would teach an Intermediate Western class on Mondays next year.  That reminded me that it was time to tell the world about my decision to teach Western classes in January.  Glen was out of town, so I had the whole morning to work on a schedule.  I offered a Beginning Western class on every night of the week.  For the heck of it I even offered a couple of Disco classes.  If anyone showed up, I guess Victoria could teach them. 

However, I left Jerry's Intermediate class off the schedule.  No, I was not backing out.  My concern was that we would get people who assumed they knew enough to skip the Beginner class and go straight to Intermediate.  Given the headaches caused by outsiders like Dave and Sylvia, Devin and Mona, I preferred to stick to Jerry, Lynette, and the rest of my November-December class.  This Intermediate class would remain our little secret.

When I finished, I took the schedule to the printer.  Using the mailing list that Victoria had created, I would mail out the January schedule tomorrow afternoon.  I had no idea what to expect, but I had to try.  Western dancing was my only hope.

DECEMBER 1979 VICTORIA'S TAILSPIN

Michael had decided to move out shortly before Thanksgiving.  Since then, Victoria had gone downhill with each passing day.  Victoria had pretty much ignored me throughout October and November, but with Michael absent here in December, her insecurity was off the charts. 

Neither of her classes made, but she was so desperate to cling to the studio, I let her assist me on Tuesday and Thursday.  Before Doorstep Night, Car Talk sometimes lasted two hours.  Not any more.  Our limit was 15 minutes because Victoria was expected home at a specific time to relieve Michael of watching their daughter.  I no longer saw Victoria outside the studio.  We never went dancing nor were there any coffee shop visits.  Needing constant reassurance, Victoria made sure to phone me several times a week, sometimes twice on the same day.  She also began to phone late at night.  None of the conversation had anything to do with me.  It was always about Michael and what was she going to do if he filed for divorce.  As always, I was the spare tire taken for granted.

Victoria did not want me anywhere near her house.  Visiting her home was forbidden for fear some photographer would snap incriminating evidence.  Not just that, Victoria would not dream of letting me near Stephanie for legal reasons.  I did not mind, but the implications were clear.  Since Victoria refused to involve me with her daughter, I doubted seriously I was not in her long term plans.  However, Jennifer had not called since our brief conversation on the first Monday of the month.  Nor had I called her.  Don't ask me why, but I still believed I had a shot with Jennifer.  I knew she had feelings for me, so I was willing to be patient.  In the meantime, there was no reason to rock the boat with Victoria.  If it made Victoria happy to pretend I was her boyfriend, go right ahead.  The upshot is that I spent a lot of time alone. 

Victoria continued to turn up her nose at country-western.  Someone told Victoria about my western class on Monday, but she could have cared less.  Other than a passing interest in the new western fashions, particularly the ultra-tight Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, Victoria did not pay much attention to country-western.  Victoria had the same bitter prejudices towards Urban Cowboy that I once did.  Anything that threatened her beloved Disco was bad.  Besides, she had more important things to worry about than country-western dancing.

Victoria was so lost in her problems she never caught on that Joanne, her bitter rival, had taught me to western dance.  Considering how sensitive Victoria's radar had been towards Joanne six months earlier, this oversight was actually kind of shocking to me.  Had Victoria lost her dark powers?  More likely Victoria was just preoccupied. 

Victoria's lawyer was her new best friend.  Victoria could not stop talking about him.  Every other word out of her mouth was "My lawyer said this.  My lawyer said that."  Oddly enough she never told me his name.  I decided the omission was deliberate, so I started referring to him as 'Bartholomew' just so I had a reference point.  I was amused when Victoria started to refer to him as 'Bartholomew' as well.  Obviously Victoria did not want me to meet this man or give me any way to contact him. 

Victoria explained that Bartholomew had told her she was in great danger of losing custody of her child if she didn't straighten up her act.  I had a difficult time believing this.  Victoria had her short-comings, but her mothering skills were top-notch.  I did not think she deserved to lose her child and told her so.  Although I agreed running off with the dance teacher was grounds for Michael to obtain a divorce, Victoria had never neglected her child.  Victoria was a superior mother.

Basically her daughter was a pawn in the power struggle just like I had been as a child.  I doubted Michael was serious about gaining full custody.  He struck me as an exceptional father, so I was convinced Michael was not the type of person who would risk hurting his daughter just to spite the jilting wife.  However, Victoria wasn't about to take chances.  She constantly reminded me that her protective instinct was the main reason she had pulled her U-Turn stunt on me and moved home.  I guess Victoria thought that explanation would buy her some sort of sympathy from me, but she was wrong.  Once Victoria moved out, something snapped in me.  I could not see any possible future with this woman, especially after she had the nerve to renew her Blackmail Threat.  That was the last straw. 

Since I have never been the forgiving kind, I would not dream of giving this woman another chance at romance after U-Turn Week.  Did I tell her that?  No.  Long ago I learned the less said to Victoria, the better.  But I was bitter, that's for sure.  I rolled my eyes with skepticism whenever Victoria insisted she really loved me.  Every time she said that, I was tempted to strangle her.  Not really, but you know what I mean.  Victoria's idea of love was anything but love.  This was not the love of a woman for a man; this was the kind of love reserved for an obedient dog on a leash.  Or a spare tire in a trunk.

Victoria was something of a prisoner herself.  Her freedom was curtailed because she had lost Michael, her built-in baby sitter.  Whatever Bartholomew said, he made Victoria unusually paranoid.  Victoria could not leave her house anytime she wanted to.  Mother's Day Out was her only moment of freedom.  She used it to see the lawyer, grocery shop, and run errands.  Otherwise she relied on Michael to look after Stephanie or call Jackie, the teenage babysitter across the street.  Victoria could not stay out late.  Nor could she have a night of fun for fear Michael was keeping tabs on her.  Consequently Victoria stayed isolated in her castle stronghold except to teach.  For a woman who was used to a lot of attention, I imagine this intense loneliness drove her up a wall.  I should know because I was pretty lonely myself.  Victoria's neglect gave me a ridiculous amount of freedom.  I felt like a semi-trusted slave given permission to walk the premises unshackled.  I could roam, but I was forbidden to show interest in women.  Fortunately Victoria was too civilized to cut my tendons, so she settled for tormenting me with lots of phone calls and repetitive threats about ruining my business if I misbehaved.  Resentful and full of restless energy, I was a threat to bolt the plantation at any moment.  However, I saw no point of taking this risk without a compelling reason.  Since Jennifer had not given me any reason to defy Victoria, I bided my time.

One day Victoria came up with a new threat... if I misbehaved, she would sue me.  Victoria claimed that during her previous visit to see the lawyer, Bartholomew had discussed coming after me for alienation of affection.  That sounded intimidating, but it also struck me as odd.  My understanding was that this was an action Michael could take, but not her.  It was such a strange thing to say, I wondered if Victoria had made it up.  Another time Victoria said her lawyer discussed suing me for dance studio compensation.  Over the past year, Victoria said she had helped me so much that now it was her business too.  Victoria had the nerve to suggest that suing me would be a good way to help pay her considerable lawyer's fees. 

"Don't worry, Rick, I told my lawyer to keep those ideas on hold unless I catch you leaving the reservation."

Victoria loved this new threat.  Once the lawyer said she had a legitimate claim to half my business, Victoria decided she had me right where she wanted me.  One night she asked if I would ever consider 'buying her out'?  I didn't bother to answer.  I just hung up the phone.  I did not agree with Victoria's claim.  All student checks were made out to me and I paid Victoria a salary.  The woman worked two nights a week, so I figured I had a firm case that Victoria was a part-time employee, not a business partner.  It was true I had once discussed making her my partner, but she had turned me down.  Since then, I had made no further promises, verbal or written.  On the other hand, I didn't see any point in arguing with her.  The last thing I wanted was the return of the Snarling Tiger Woman.

I occupied a bizarre life space.  I had not one, but two women playing yo-yo with me.  Victoria kept me around as her boyfriend, but was too preoccupied to invest any energy in me.  Let me add everything was quite platonic.  God forbid I do anything to get her interested in me again.  Victoria suspected that Madame X was lurking in the background.  Back in October and November, Victoria had been unusually confident that Madame X wasn't much of a threat.  However, once Michael moved out, Victoria's insecurity returned.  Now Victoria started to ask about Madame X again.  She called nearly every night just to check on me.

I refused to discuss Jennifer.  I simply told Victoria that Madame X had flipped out when Victoria moved in with me and had never forgiven me.  I added that Madame X and I had not made love since which just happened to be true.  However, Victoria was so insecure she did not believe me. 

Just to be sure, Victoria would shine her radar when she saw me at the studio.  Since she never received the slightest vibration that I was deceiving her, Victoria adopted an attitude of healthy suspicion and left it at that.  Victoria knew she was taking a huge chance giving me so much freedom.  She need not have worried.  Jennifer and I were not talking.  However, there was always the threat of a new Madame X. 

Victoria talked a big game, but I think deep down she realized how fragile her hold was.  Victoria was losing it.  One day Victoria would threaten to sue me for half my business.   The next day she would remind me she had risked everything for me.  The next day Victoria would threaten to ruin my business if I ditched her.  The next day Victoria would remind me I was her best friend and that she loved me.  The next day she promised to write a poison pen letter.  Threats, guilt, lies and promises of love.  Victoria would say whatever it took to keep me in line.  Victoria was quite the manipulator.  

Back in October, Victoria had wiggled her way into my bed by promising we could be something special.  Those days were over.  Now that my trust was irreparably shattered, there was little chance I would ever fall in love with Victoria.  Anyone who uses force to obtain love is going about it the wrong way.  On the other hand, when Victoria wasn't busy threatening me, I was willing to be her friend.  That explains why I voluntarily played the part of the obedient boyfriend.  Half of it was an act, but some of it was genuine too.  Some days I was bitter, other days I was bemused, but mostly I was waiting for Jennifer to take me back.  In my mind, I set the New Year as my deadline.  If there was no progress by then, I would stop pining for her.

If Jennifer could ever find a little courage, then my approach to Victoria would change from this passive waiting game to something assertive.  Victoria did not know I possessed a backbone.  I cooperated only because I did not have a better option.  Unless Jennifer would take me back, I had nothing to gain by alienating Victoria and plenty to lose.  In the meantime, why not soften Victoria up with kindness?  

MONDAY night, DECEMBER 10 THIRD VISIT TO COWBOY

Ever since Fright Night, a strange healing had come over me.  I developed a matter-of-fact attitude towards my affair with Victoria.  Although I deeply regretted my role in the fiasco, I never lost sight that Victoria had used blackmail to manipulate me.  In addition, I believed 'Fate' had played a major role.  It is what it is, so deal with it.

As for Jennifer, I had no control over her.  I had not heard from her since our brief conversation on December 3.  Nor had I called her.  I was disappointed in Jennifer.  She had failed to back me when things were heated.  Furthermore, this continual 'Run to Jeff' crap wasn't going to cut it.  Jennifer had played that card one time too many.  Doubting her courage, I became philosophical about Jennifer.  Whatever happens, happens.  In the meantime, I would stick to Country-Western. 

I had a lot of time to reflect during this period.  I was not happy, but I was not sad either.  The best word might be 'wistful'.  I asked myself a lot of 'what ifs'.  What if I had done this?  What if I had done that?  It was embarrassing to note that I had gained the love of four different women this year and screwed up every single relationship.  No matter how lucky I seemed to be in my career, I was definitely cursed when it came to women. 

December was a quiet time at the dance studio.  There was little demand for dance classes.  With attendance dwindling as Christmas approached, I was confident the remaining few would return in January for Western lessons.  With time on my hands, I turned my attention to my newest gamble: Intermediate Western Dancing.

With this formidable project in mind, on Monday, December 10, I went dancing with my students for the third week in a row.  Since Sally was not in class for the second time, I assumed she had moved on.  However, there were other possibilities.  Several of the women I danced with at Cowboy had begun to smile at me in that special way unique to the fair sex.  This led to an uncomfortable discovery.  Considering how lonely I was, it was hard to resist smiling back.  However, still pining for Jennifer, I limited our interaction to low-level flirting, mostly with Lynette who seemed to be warming up to me. 

However I didn't want to start something until I was positive Jennifer was a lost cause.  Besides, Fright Night had redirected so much energy to my dance career that I was content to put women on the backburner for the time being.  Right now I had my all-important Intermediate class to prepare for.  So, with that in mind, I spent the night scouting for new moves.  No luck.  After three Monday visits to Cowboy in a row, I had yet to see something new.

TUESDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 11 GLEN HAS BAD NEWS FOR ME

I met with Glen on Tuesday, December 11, for our regular Tuesday private lesson.  We worked on Circle Turns using Foxtrot timing and a trick called the "Gap Step" technique.  Dancing the girl's part, Glen wanted me to let him stick his right foot between my feet on one of the 'Slow Steps'.  So what was the problem?  I kept Glen too far away to accomplish his goal.  I apologize if what I say is offensive to anyone, but I was not comfortable dancing close with another man, especially this handsome gay man.  Glen may have sensed the true reason for my reluctance because he let it pass.  At the end of our lesson, Glen pulled me aside. 

"Rick, December is very slow in the dance business, so I am taking the rest of the month off to visit friends in New York and Chicago.  While I'm there, I will take some jazz workshops and look for ideas for my dance company.  I will see you in January!"

And with that, Glen left town on a month-long vacation.  I was very upset.  I had not anticipated losing Glen when I agreed to teach Jerry's class.  Unable to use Glen as a resource, this Intermediate class in January was looming as a giant error in judgment. 

MONDAY NIGHT, DECEMBER 17 TEMPTATION

Monday, December 17, was our final Western class of the year at Stevens.  No Sally for the third week in a row.  Thinking of Sally and her friend Susan, I recalled how much trouble their appearance in the second week had caused.  Beyond a doubt this had been the most difficult class I ever taught.  However, we finished on a high note.  I reminded everyone that I would see them again on Monday, January 7, for the Intermediate Western class. 

To my surprise, no one pestered me to go dancing after class.  This was probably because Christmas was right around the corner and no one felt like going dancing.  The only person who stuck around was Jerry.

"What's up, Jerry?"

"I've been trying to learn those Circle Turns, but I'm not getting anywhere.  I just wanted to make sure you were going to teach those Circle Turns in your next class.  Plus I see some people doing the Circle Turns counter-clockwise.  I don't have a clue how to do that either.  Will you promise to make those two moves part of your next class?"

Considering I had no idea how to do these moves, I was forced to resume Smoke and Mirrors.  With an air of fake confidence I replied, "Absolutely.  You can count on it." 

To my surprise, Jerry lingered.  Recalling my problems learning the Circle Turn move with Glen last Tuesday, I prayed Jerry did not ask me to show him.  Fearing a repeat of the Ides of Waltz, I asked, "Is there something else?"  

Jerry nodded.  "Yeah, I attend a church singles group known as TGIS.  I was thinking next year they're going to want some country-western dance lessons.  You might want to check this place out."

Apparently my bravado had fooled him.  He actually thought I liked this teaching this stuff.  Wrong!  My fear of impending doom had diminished much of my enthusiasm.  In the mood I was in, right now all I wanted to do was survive December.  Nevertheless, to be polite, I asked, "What does TGIS stand for?"

Jerry laughed.  "That's an acronym based on 'Thank God it's Friday'.  They switched it to 'Thank God it's Sunday.'"

"I see.  So why would this place be good for me?"

"I think Western is going to hit big next year, maybe even as soon as January.  After the TGIS service, we all go out for lunch together and several people have started talking about taking lessons next year.  I ask them where they intend to go for classes and they just shrug.  I don't think they realize you are the only game in town.  If you were to approach someone in charge, I think TGIS would be a good source of new students."

"Thank you, Jerry, let me give it some thought over the Holidays.  I appreciate your help."

Jerry nodded, then took off.  The moment he left the room, I promptly forgot all about TGIS.  Right now I was far more worried about what to teach my January Intermediate class.  I was terrible at Circle Turns.  Nor did I have anything else to offer.  Despite three successive visits to Cowboy, I had not come across a single new move.  Furthermore, I had no idea how to improve my Circle Turns because I had no one to practice with.  I was about to gather up my records when suddenly the door to my room opened.

Expecting Jerry had returned, I was shocked to see Sally instead.  I was so surprised, I actually jumped.  Where did she come from?  Sally had not been in class. 

"Where have you been, Sally?  I haven't seen you since our night at Cowboy."

"I didn't mean to scare you.  I was waiting in the main room till you finished with Jerry.  I dropped by to see if you were going to Cowboy tonight."

"No, I don't think so.  I thought I would go, but no one seemed interested.  But you didn't answer my question.  Where have you been?"

"Oh, I started a special Christmas Bible study class at my church.  But I left early tonight because I wanted to see if you were going dancing afterwards."

I sighed at the mention of Cowboy.  Quite frankly, any mention of Cowboy made me nervous.  I recalled my exhilaration after Fright Night, but my follow-up scouting trips had yielded nothing new that I could use.  Consequently I had fallen back into despair.  My recollection of what Lance Stevens had said burned a hole in my confidence every single waking moment. 

"The dancing is so easy that even those dumb ass farm boys can do it, so don't bother.  There's nothing to the dancing and there's no money in it."

Stupid me, I had made a commitment to teach Intermediate in January only to find out there was nothing to teach.  That is when an idea occurred to me.  Since Glen was out of town, maybe Sally could help me work on Circle Turns.  I was not good at it, but I could do at least one Polka Circle Turn.  However, there were some guys who could lead several Circle Turns in row.  How did they do that?  As for the Twostep Circle Turn, I could not figure it out to save my soul. 

The Circle Turn is the best move in Polka.  At the time, it was literally the only energetic move in Country-Western.  The man puts his arm around the lady's back and they go spinning round and round in a succession of circles until one person gets too dizzy to continue.  As I said, I could sort of do this move to Polka, but the Twostep version kicked my butt.  The sooner I learned this move, the better.  Fright Night had taught me a lesson... no more procrastination!  My days of putting things off till the last minute were over.

"Hey, Sally, I have a favor to ask.  Would you mind helping me with a move?  There is a Twostep move I am not very good at it, but if I practice a little, I might be able to figure it out."

Sally's face lit up like lights on a Christmas tree.  "Sure, Rick, I would be happy to help."

Noting her enthusiasm, I suspected ulterior motives behind Sally's decision to drop by tonight.  Whatever the reason, I could use her help.  I eventually figured out how to do one Circle Turn, but not two in a row.  I was frustrated because the good dancers could do several Twostep Circle Turns in a row.  What was their secret?  What was I doing wrong?  The men at the club were smooth, but not me.  I was constantly losing my balance and so was Sally.  We had been at it for a good 30 minutes and weren't making much progress.  Fortunately Sally turned a blind eye to my stumbling.  I was grateful for her patience.  I was feeling very insecure, so Sally's unwavering devotion was appreciated.

I discovered that if I put my right foot in the gap between Sally's feet at a key moment, the Twostep Circle Turn worked much better.  There was still room for improvement, but I was encouraged with my progress.  Maybe Glen could help me figure out the rest when he returned in January.  That's when I suddenly remember his suggestion about the Gap Step.  If I could put my foot between Sally's feet a key time, what would happen if she returned the favor later in the move?  I didn't want Glen getting that close, but I did not mind letting Sally get as close as she wanted. 

"Sally, I have a suggestion.  When I cross in front of you, make sure to slide your right foot between my feet."

It took four tries for Sally to get it right, but once she hit the gap correctly, the move worked like a charm.  Aha!  The secret was to make it easy for the woman to step between my feet at the right time.  I felt happy for the first time all night. 

 "Thank you, Sally!  That was what I was looking for."

Seeing her face light up, I could tell she pleased by my enthusiasm.  Sally impulsively took a step closer and wrapped both arms around me.  It was a spur of the moment thing.  Burying her face sideways against my chest, Sally held the hug well past the point of being polite and friendly.  I had not expected this.  I knew Sally liked me, but never expected her to make such a bold move. 

Two conflicting lightning bolts shot through my body.  One was arousal, one was fear.  What should I do?  Green light or red light?  Sally had no idea of the real reason I had paid so much attention to her four weeks ago at Fright Night.  From her point of view, Sally knew her dance instructor had chosen her over several younger women to dance with all night long.  It did not help that I had shown obvious interest in her as the night wore on.  A woman knows when a man is turned on.  Apparently Sally had felt the same way.  Her crush was still there and I was sorely tempted. 

I had not had sex since my two failed attempts with Victoria in early October.  Celibate for nearly three months, I was hungry.  Nor did i mistake the signals.  We were alone in the building.  No woman hugs a man in this situation unless she means business.  It mattered little that Sally was 20 years older.  The best sexual relationship of my life had been with Gloria, a woman twice my age who lived in the same apartment complex.  Our relationship ended two years ago when I bought my house.  Gloria had not been looking for any commitment; she just wanted to be held now and then by a young man she liked and trusted.  Would Sally have the same open-minded attitude?  Considering I was intensely lonely, Sally's hug had me burning.  Unfortunately, I was also reluctant.

Stepping out of her embrace, I was reminded that Sally was a very attractive woman.  Given how much I liked Sally, there was a definite spark, a friendship that could easily become intimate.  I had permission, I had desire, I had affection, I had invitation.  All I needed was some way to clear things with my conscience.  I have never been the cheating kind.  However, this would not be cheating.  Victoria and I were not having sex.  Jennifer and I were not having sex.  More to the point, Jennifer's fiancé had recently spent several nights at her apartment.  Under the assumption that Jeff shared Jennifer's bed during the stay, I had the right to do whatever I wanted.

But then I thought of Joanne and the Dangerous Liaison.  Ever since she met me, Joanne had a crush.  I kept her at arm's length for four months, but then came the day my girlfriend Patricia announced she was heading to Los Angeles for the weekend to see if the magic was still there with her former boyfriend.  Infuriated by Patricia's betrayal, I invited Joanne to help me even the score.  To my astonishment, Patricia returned with a better attitude towards me.  She begged me to try again and eventually I gave in.  That meant telling Joanne the bad news.  With Sally staring at me waiting for a decision, the memory of Joanne's tears were hard to bear.  All my guilt over Joanne's pain came flooding back.  Sally was old enough to know what she was getting into, but I was still strangely reluctant to pull the trigger.  I took a deep breath.  I was flattered at Sally's interest, but found myself unwilling to drag her into my nasty soap opera.  Until Jennifer and Victoria left my life, I preferred not to make things any more complicated than they already were.  So for the second time I put on my 'Friend' mask and smiled warmly. 

"Sally, I cannot thank you enough for helping me get the hang of this new move.  It's getting late, so let me walk you to your car."

Sally's expression changed immediately.  These were not the words she had hoped for.  As we walked outside, I was forced to disguise my considerable interest.  I struggled with desire all the way to her car.  Thank goodness Sally said nothing.  I was scared to death she would press the issue with another hug.  If so, my facade would collapse into a passionate kiss.  Poor Sally.  It probably took a lot of courage to make a move.  Her face was twisted into all sorts of contortions.  Hey, join the club.  I was confused too.  But it was not meant to be, at least not until I straightened my love life out.  I opened her door, squeezed her hand and said goodnight.

As I drove home, I was surprised that I had acted with so much caution.  I wasn't trying to be considerate.  A major part of my decision was selfish.  I was far too beaten down by the events of the Year of Living Dangerously to take any more chances.  I felt it was better to clean up my current problems before inviting more trouble.  Considering how little was stopping me with Sally, my self-restraint came as a real surprise.   Perhaps my restraint was a sign that I had learned something over the past year.  As poorly as my life was going, in my case 'Progress' was best defined as not making things worse. 

But it didn't cure my loneliness.  As I drove home, I wondered what Jennifer was up to.  Was there any hope?   Maybe I should call her.  When I got home, I heard the phone ring.  Maybe Jennifer was calling to resurrect our lost love, so I ran to catch the call.  No, it was Victoria.  Damn it.  I wished I had not picked up.  As I listened to Victoria's tales of woe, I could not believe I had passed up a night of passion in Sally's arms to listen to the Sniveling Whining Woman.