Dance Floor Mystery
The good news is we
have definitely solved the mystery of what caused the Room 3 and 4
dance floor to buckle. The bad news is the problem isn't that easy to
fix. To read all about it, click
Schroeder Wins the January Joke Contest
Susan Schroeder won the
January SSQQ Joke Contest with her submission of the entertaining joke
"Skinny Dipping". It was Joke #24 on the Blue Side and told
a story about a young man who decided to sunbathe nude on a deserted
beach only to be suddenly awakened by the arrival of two women.
Naturally hilarious consequences were to follow ! (or the joke
wouldn't have won !)
Second Place was
captured by Mike Gerstenberger's joke about The
Ballerina, a Honky Tonk Woman who inspired one drunk to assume she
must be a member of the Royal Ballet Company.
Third Place was shared by Debbie Awad and Bill Mayo. Debbie sent in an
amusing story titled Incognito
about two priests on vacation trying desperately not to be noticed by
anyone. Bill Mayo's story titled Redneck Logic was a bit naughtier. It
was a story about two West Virginia rednecks who find just a little
education can lead to some pretty startling conclusions. You can find
it over on the Blue Side.
Honorable Mention went
to the following Jokes :
Clean Side :
January 02: Blind Man Jumping - Bill Mayo
January 07: The Bridge - Rich Barrett
January 15: Engineer Joke Number 2000 - Sylvia Tucker
January 17: Venus and Mars, Chapter 2001 - Leo Skiba
January 20: How to Drive Your Woman Wild - Lynn Bevis
January 22: The Best Weight Loss Plan Ever - Susan Schroeder
Susan Schroeder narrowly missed tying herself for First Place. Personally
I thought Susan's joke about the Best Weight Loss Plan Ever (#22) was
the best joke of the bunch. I nearly fell to the floor on that one. However we have already
discovered that I have a very poor sense of humor. I know this because
all my students tell me. This I can live with because I believe the
threat of my telling a joke or a story is so repugnant that my class
will do anything I ask them if I just promise not to tell a joke
what really hurts is that despite having more practice voting for
jokes than anyone at the studio, I have NEVER come close to winning
the Best Joke Judge award. Now that hurts, especially this month.
Almost half the judges won the award, but I wasn't even in the
running. Tsk. This month's Best Judges
If you have a good
joke, please submit it to Rick Archer at email@example.com
In a couple days I will publish the best jokes of February, but there
is still plenty of time to send in some new entries.
to Susan Schroeder. Your joke beat out 100 other entries. Nice going
Naked Vandal Caught
In a story from the
Houston Chronicle dated February 18, it seems that the owners of the
Tottenville Inn Restaurant in New York City had been going nuts trying
to figure out who was stealing from them. It seems their supplies
mysteriously had disappeared on a systematic basis, but they were
unable to determine which of their employees was responsible.
At first the restaurant
owners tried heightened scrutiny of their employee's activities, but
when their observation turned up nothing while their supplies
continued to disappear, they felt a covert Videotape camera was their
To their dismay, the
camera turned up absolutely nothing. The supplies still disappeared,
but the camera recorded nothing suspicious or out of the ordinary.
Vintage wines, expensive meats and seafood continued to vaporize into
thin air with alarming regularity over a six-month period.
It took an accident to
finally break the case. One morning after reviewing the previous day's
activities, one of the owners, Michelle Macula, became distracted and
allowed the videotape to keep running in the VCR. When her attention
returned to the VCR a couple hours later she was stunned to see that
the videotape contained pictures of her landlord traipsing through the
restaurant bare naked helping himself to drinks at the bar and food
from the refrigerator.
Then she realized what
her mistake had been. She and her partner had only reviewed the
portions of the videotapes for the day's activities during business
hours. It had never dawned on her the problem might be occurring at 4
am since no one had keys but she and her partner. Now by accidentally
leaving the tape running, she was flabbergasted to discover who the
culprit really was - her landlord Albert Hohmann. It seems Mr.
Hohmann, a New York firefighter, lived upstairs and rented the first
floor and basement to the Tottenville Inn. Several times she had
mentioned the shoplifting problem to Mr. Hohmann, who said he had
never noticed anything out of the ordinary while the restaurant was
To add insult to
injury, Mr. Hohmann would not only steal food, but periodically commit
minor acts of vandalism. The day before his arrest, he was taped
turning on water taps and flooding the restaurant.
Volleyball Players Stage a Marathon 02-19-00
On Saturday morning,
February 19, 16 valiant athletes engaged in an afternoon of spirited
Volleyball action for 4 non-stop hours of play. We rarely took breaks
of more than 10 minutes between games and ended up playing 11 games in
all. The weather was gorgeous and everyone showed up close to 11 am,
so we started very quickly.
To read more about
this Volleyball event, click here
Favorite Astronaut in Outer Space
I sipped my morning coffee and turned on CNN, there speaking to us
from Outer Space was none other than Astronaut Janice Voss.
case you don't know, I owe Janice a huge favor for single-handedly
winning the SSQQ Balloon Race for the home team two years ago (Click
here to read about her astounding performance !!). Every now and
then Janice stops by at SSQQ for some dancing at one of our Saturday
parties. I think Janice prefers that the whole world doesn't know who
she is. She probably comes to our studio to unwind and have fun like
normal people do and here I am revealing her presence. Fortunately for
Janice, no one knows what she looks like, so my guess is she will be
able to continue to have fun right in your midst.
was tremendous fun for me to see this accomplished woman speaking in
such a polished fashion to the reporter from CNN asking question about
how the crew intended to handle a fuel problem related to a radar
antenna thruster. Janice was so calm. The Japanese astronaut at her side
was asked a question after Janice, but his language problems caused him
to hesitate, so Janice coolly covered the answer for him and told the
reporter to ask the next question to the Japanese Astronaut.
we take all the people at SSQQ for granted, but I have found there are
some incredibly talented people who come to the studio and have fun
getting to act like a normal human being once in a while. We have had
doctors, lawyers, judges, TV personalities, you name it, come through
the studio, but always incognito. It is such a thrill to have someone as
talented as Ms Voss join us periodically. Personally I think she should
learn Whip. She would feel right at home in our famous Martian
back home Soon and Safely, Janice !! Maybe she can join us at the
Honky-Tonk Party. Faded jeans have got to be more comfortable than that
gear I saw her wearing on the space shuttle.
- Janice dropped by the studio for the "Jukebox Saturday
Night" dance party on March 25. She was pleased to find we have
been following her exploits in outer space. She said she has footage
of her and a fellow astronaut Ballroom Dancing in outer space. Now
that I would like to see!
asked her what song they danced to and if I remember correctly she
said "The Purple People Eater".
Blue Side of Town is a secret naughty joke page hidden as part of the
SSQQ Web Site. In the past, some of the jokes have been raw, but for
the most part they are good, clean jokes with some reference to a
subject that has three letters, begins with "s" and ends
"x". You don't expect me to spell it out for you, do
the most part, these jokes are pretty funny as well. Personally, I
have always preferred the Blue Side to the Clean Side (to visit the
Clean Side, click here)
had a teenage girl trick me into giving her the Blue Side address back
in September. This was the one month where the humor was probably the
most perverted of any month by a wide margin. I just cringed. That is
when I had to change the address and become more strict about who gets
the joke address.
the average, I get 20 requests a week for the Blue Side, most from
people I have never heard of in my life. I believe the people for the
most part are just "surfing" for jokes, stumble on my web
site, and ask for the address. I feel uncomfortable giving out the
address since I have no idea who they are. I thought I would slow them
down a little with a new policy... send me a good joke and I will send
them the address. I figured 90% of the people would never lift a
finger to bother, solving my problem.
I never counted on Lauretta. She threw me a curve I never expected.
Lauretta wanted that address and was determined to get it. Quite
frankly, I have to tell the truth. I decided to give her the address
in self-defense. I was afraid she might send me another joke. Decide
for yourself if I did the right thing.
Request for the Blue Side Address.
just found your site and have spent all afternoon reading some great
jokes. I think I’m
ready for the Blue Side. Please send me the address. Thanks.
you might not have seen the policy on the Blue Side. Here it is:
: To Visit the SSQQ Blue Side, you will need to get the Address from
Rick Archer. You can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org
Unfortunately the address is not free. You will have to send
him your best joke.
it is not worthy, he will kindly tell you so and give you another
Lauretta, send me one that makes my ears burn !!
terrible at remembering jokes, but here’s one from my childhood in
the difference between snow men and snow women?
there’s the one about the toothless old termite who had to gum his
food. He walked into a
saloon and asked, “Where’s the bar tender?”
these are funny enough, or I’ll have to give up for the time being.
Reply: Dear Lauretta,
I have to be honest, but, well, let’s just say I can tell you tried
hard. Your effort is what counts. “Snow Balls” ??
I am actually smiling a little. Nice try. Oh, by the way,
here’s the blue side address anyhow just in case you are tempted to
send me another joke.
The story of the Texas A&M began with the Trademark Infringement letter you see
immediately below. Since then it has reached its seventh stage as of
4-5-00. To read more about this absurd situation, click
Texas A&M Snafu
Subject : Trademark Infringement: Use
by SSQQ of the term “Aggie”
Date : Friday,
February 4, 2000
Dance Studio -
copied Tobin Boenig of the Collegiate Licensing Office at Texas A&M
University on this communication. I
request that SSQQ contact him immediately. His phone number is (409)
of the term “Aggie” in your advertizements in the “Leisure
Learning” Magazine found in grocery stores all around Houston and
prominently displayed on your website “ssqq.com” IS AN INFRINGEMENT
ON A TRADEMARK HELD BY TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY.
I personally do not have the authority to prevent you from using
the trademark as I am not a University official, but it was my
understanding that Mr. Boenig was issuing a Cease and Desist Order to
your company after he and I talked several months ago.
The term “Aggie” and the logo of Texas A&M is trademarked
(by a state trademark) in the state of Texas by TAMU.
I am the
Special Events Director of the Aggie Professional Forum.
We are a non-profit organization associated with other Houston
area A&M alumni clubs, the Houston A&M and Reveille Clubs,
through a Houston area coordinating board.
Our purpose is to raise scholarships for current students of
Texas A&M University.
organizations are permitted by the University to use such terms.
A year and a half ago, we began teaching “Aggie dance
lessons” that are taught by former Aggie Wranglers (a dance troupe on
campus). Our biggest
selling point to Aggie alumni in Houston is the fact that they are
taught by former Aggie Wranglers, in general our draw is that they are
“Aggie classes taught by Aggies with Aggie dance steps.”
preface the following by saying, since you have not already refrained
from using the trademark, I am assuming that the University has not
actually contacted you yet and that you are, to date, unaware of the
trademark infringement. And to the best of my knowledge, SSQQ does not own or
otherwise diect the business decisions of Leisure Learning magazine.
When we began teaching “Aggie dance lessons,” we contacted
Leisure Learning magazine in hopes to advertize.
I don’t have to tell you how effective that magazine is in
Houston for items such as dance lessons.
For dance lessons in Houston, the magazine is probably more
effective than the yellow pages. In spite of our motives to raise scholarship money, their
direct response was that they “would not publish any advertizement
that was in direct competition with SSQQ”.
Because of Leisure Learning’s uncooperativeness and,
indirectly, your apparent hold on what we consider would have been our
best avenue for advertizement, I am not willing to back down from the
issue of your use of the trademarks (and detailed descriptions and
references to A&M in your website).
you not refrain from using the trademarks, quite honestly, I (and I’m
sure many other Houston area Aggies) would find it a blatant act of
greed on both the part of SSQQ and Leisure Learning magazine and rather
disgusting that you would contribute to end the noble act of raising
scholarships for worthy students.
already fighting to keep our dance lessons going.
We are a volunteer organization that does not possess the dance
lesson market presence that SSQQ has.
Your efforts to advertize “Aggie Jitterbug” directly
undermine our efforts to raise scholarships.
I ask that you immediately refrain from advertizing your classes
to draw upon Aggie alumni.
APF Events Coordinator
Letter 2: SSQQ Response to the above letter :
Date : Sunday, February 06, 2000
Mr. Stephen Huzar,
certainly means no harm in the use of the term “Aggie Jitterbug”.
Indeed, we use the term with respect. Similar in some ways to the
dance known as “Swing”, the dance we call “Aggie Jitterbug” is
frequently used up at Texas A&M. The term “Aggie Jitterbug” has
a high recognition factor here in Houston since many of its graduates
move here after completing their education. People see this form of
dancing used in the clubs, ask what the dance is called, and more often
than not are told it is “Aggie Jitterbug”.
have always had the greatest respect for Texas A&M. Back in the
early 80s, my veterinarian told me my border collie had an inoperable
tumor and offered to put her to sleep on the spot. I decided to get
another opinion and was referred to an A&M-trained vet named Dr.
Johnson. He said he had heard of an experimental treatment up at College
Station. He went out of his way to ask a colleague to accept my dog into
the program. I drove up to A&M, left my frightened dog at the
clinic, and came back for her a week later. The tumor was completely
gone, dried up by the cobalt treatment. There were no side effects and
my dog lived happily another eight years. Not bad for a dog the first
vet offered to put to sleep.
of course is the type of memory I prefer to have for A&M rather than
some ridiculous threat over a dance class of all things. I would never
attempt to exploit your university in any way.
have an A&M graduate on my teaching staff named Rachel Seff. She is
not only enormously talented, Ms Seff just happens to be your
University’s 1999 recipient of the Harris Award for Community Service,
an honor I was pleased to announce on my dance studio’s web site. If
you don’t believe me, visit this page: http://www.ssqq.com/grapevine99.htm
You will have to scroll towards the bottom since the entry is dated
you are indeed serious about trying to raise scholarship money, I will
allow Ms. Seff to teach an “Aggie Jitterbug” Crash Course on a
Saturday night at my studio in conjunction with your organization. I
will work with your organization in an attempt to promote it. All
proceeds will go to your scholarship fund.
is a shame you didn’t contact me in a nicer tone. I certainly did not
appreciate your heavy-handed bullying tactics. In the future you might
find you accomplish more with chocolate than acid.
those of you who wish to know what SSQQ says about “Aggie Jitterbug”
on its web site, please visit this address: http://ssqq.com/information/descswng.htm)
Letter 3 : Stephen Huzar's Second
Letter, his reply to Letter 2.
Mr. Archer -
I appreciate your warm esteem
towards Texas A&M. More
importantly, it appears I owe you a huge apology.
By describing the chain of events below, I am not trying to
rationalize my original message - it appears I was undoubtedly mistaken
as to SSQQs willingness to associate with us.
Please accept my unqualified apology, but please let me explain
as well, for I do not want your perception of me or of A&M, the APF
or any other A&M alumni organization in general to be impaired.
To read more about this absurd situation, click
Texas A&M Snafu
Volleyball In Action 02-05-00
Volleyball swung back into action at Rick Archer’s backyard volleyball
court on Saturday, February 5. Fourteen athletes came together for 3 ½
hours of spirited play. We had intended to play the Saturday before, but
had to call it off when the weather turned wet and cold. By waiting a
week we were able to play in 65 degree weather with sun and beautiful
clear skies. Waiting turned out to be a good move.
To read more about this
please click here
Abueg marries Rita Brown, Felipe Mendoza marries Linda Bonnet !
The amazing SSQQ Love Virus is responsible for two new
marriages... except they happened a year ago. SSQQ has always claimed
that for every two marriages we report, there are a few that we never
even hear about.
On Wednesday, February 2, I ran into Rita Brown at the dance
studio. I hadn't seen her in several years. She said her husband Frank
had to work late that night but would be back next week. I said I didn't
know she was married. Rita smiled and said she and Frank were married
last spring, 1999. Ah. Rita and Frank met here at SSQQ back in the early
90s so probably most of you do not know them. Nevertheless, they are
both special people and I am happy for this great couple !!
On Friday, February 4, I had lunch with Gary and Betty
Richardson. During the conversation, Betty said she missed dancing with
her friend Felipe. I asked what happened to him, worried that he was
hurt or something. Betty replied that Felipe simply got married to a
lovely lady named Linda Bonnet last spring and hadn't been around the
studio for some time. Ah. That explained it. Realistically, when a
couple gets married, their priorities change. The "Group" is
no longer as important as the "Couple". This makes sense, but
nevertheless it doesn't prevent us from missing our friends when they
embark on this important new phase of their life. On a nice note, Felipe
and Linda recently started taking classes again on Fridays and we hope
they will continue to visit with us. Congratulations !
This new information raises the number of couples who met at SSQQ
and got married last year to 14. We think this is pretty phenomenal
number. Oddly enough, the organization SSQQ gets much of the credit, but
realistically the SSQQ "Community" also deserves equal credit.
If you are curious to know more about how the SSQQ "Community"
works, click here:
SSQQ : Where the
to Grapevine Home Page