Rick's Gabfest with Gertrude
Written by Rick Archer, March 2006

Chapter Four:
THE NINETIES

"So you started a new decade at SSQQ.  Who took the place of the Third Generation leaders like Tom, Jim, Diane, and Margie?"

"My new set of instructors took over the studio.  This group was drawn mainly from the Studebaker Group, so I usually refer to them as the Studebaker Gang or the Fourth Generation.

After the twin death comets of Southwest Whip and Houston's Economy wiped out my entire Third Generation, into the enormous leadership vacuum stepped the new leaders -  Maureen Brunetti, Donna Ruth, Linda Rooks, Ben Liles, Susie Allen (Merrill), Ben Liles, Debbie Reynolds, Judy Stidham, and of course Sharon - always Sharon.  Another important leader, Linda Cook, came along in the early 90s.  Then Daryl Armstrong came along in the mid 90s. 

These instructors were the people who supplied the heat throughout the 1990s.  This talented group of people were the true leaders of SSQQ.  Yes, I contributed, but not nearly as much as I used to.  It was more of a team effort now.  I was very grateful to have these fine people to help shoulder the load.  As they say, I couldn't have done it without them.

My name was synonymous with SSQQ all the way till the end of 1987.  Over half the classes were taught by me.  At some point, everyone ended up in one of my classes during the Eighties.  However when we took on the additional space in late 1987, this important detail changed quite a bit.  I was still the public face of SSQQ, but now I taught only 20% of the classes.  From this point on, many people came through the studio who never actually took a class from me. 

Naturally each new person bonded with their first instructor.  And let me tell you something - I had some good instructors!

Going from 2 rooms to 5 rooms created an instant growth spurt. During this expansion, I tried hiring experienced dance instructors who had received their training elsewhere.  Unfortunately I had one miserable experience after another hiring people from outside our program to work here.

We discovered the outside instructors had trouble adapting to our format because SSQQ is so unusual in its approach to the dance business.  The outside instructors could teach just fine, but they were baffled by the importance I placed on our social program.  They didn't understand why I considered Practice Night to be so important.  All they cared about was talking students into private lessons.  They were not a good fit.  As a side note, of all the outside instructors, only Debbie Reynolds was able to adapt.  She was the single exception to the rule.  Debbie was popular, funny, and very responsible.  I really regretted losing her in the late Nineties. 

With one headache after another finding new instructors,  I remembered how well things had worked out when I took my best students - Sharon Crawford, Diane Head, and Jim  Smith - and turned them into dance teachers.  I concluded bringing people up within the organization was my best bet.  From now on, I would hire the most talented dancers among our own students and train them to be teachers. This was one of the best decisions I ever made - grow my teachers from within the studio. 

Starting in 1988, whenever a Staff Member left, I would pick the best student and convert them practically overnight into an Instructor.  We would work with them right before class, then throw them into the water and hope they could swim.

If you think this is a little brutal, you might be right.  This method was very stressful for the new teachers. As you remember from Sharon Crawford's experience, Sharon got so nervous during her first class that she could barely speak above a whisper.

Sharon of course survived, but afterwards she suggested there had to be a more humane way to train dancers teachers than simply throwing them to the wolves like I did with her.  After her horrible experience, I agreed there might be a better way to do this "new teacher" thing, but it took me a while to figure out how to do it.

Starting in 1992, I began to train new teachers using the “Apprentice System”. These people were basically my 'next in line' instructors. The most talented students were hired to help to veteran Instructors. Called “Assistants”, they learned via on-the-job training. When someone would resign, we would simply promote one of our Assistants to become an Instructor. This system worked much better.

However our "Assistant" innovation brought with it new problems.  I will simply admit our 'Assistant' program in the early 90s became a major pain in the butt for me.

As our program continued to grow, Assistants became so valuable that the Instructors began to fight over who got to have an Assistant and who didn’t. At first we had one Assistant on a Friday night. Then we had an Assistant on every night. Then we had two Assistants on every night. Then on some busy nights we went to 3 Assistants. 

However with 5 rooms each night, the economics prevented SSQQ from hiring an Assistant for every Instructor.

That meant that the Assistants were a limited resource.   With 2 or 3 Assistants for 5 Instructors, the Instructors began to argue over who deserved to get an Assistant and who didn't.  Sometimes it got pretty testy.

Meanwhile, SSQQ finished with $300 in the bank at the end of 1995 due to our bloated payroll.

This pathetic showing for 1995 meant we had more instructors than at any time in studio history producing less results. 

Surely there was a lesson there.  I decided I didn't need an economics degree to conclude we were paying too many people to do the same job.

So in 1996 I introduced the “Volunteer Program”. I encouraged our Instructors to recruit one or two students to help them teach their classes.  These people would basically volunteer their free time to help our instructors teach their class. 

Believe it or not, we soon found out the spirit of Tom Sawyer lived! 

People lined up to volunteer.   We didn't pay them a cent, but they didn't care.  They weren't in it for the money.  Some wanted to become a dance teacher.  Some liked helping people.  And some wanted to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend.  Or all three...

The big hit song in the movie Urban Cowboy was 'Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.'   Obviously that song writer could not have been referring to SSQQ.  

If finding love was the goal of a volunteer, they were definitely looking in the Right Place here at SSQQ.  Throughout the decade of the 1990s, we married our instructors off at a phenomenal clip. That energy filtered right down to the assistants and volunteers as well.  In fact, if you were a female and absolutely determined to get married, all you had to do was become my Assistant.  At one point I lost six assistants and volunteers in a row to Engagement and Marriage (Paula Yerks, Amelia Cate, Hannah Baker, Mary Collins, Kathleen Alexander, Kathleen Labounty).  I don't know if these six lovely women gave me any credit for their marital success, but this phenomenon did seem to be more than mere coincidence.  In fact, this situation actually got to be a little ridiculous.  Just when I got them trained, someone proposed to them!  Thanks a lot. So finally I started asking married women to be my assistant.  Good move. That solved my problem nicely.

Starting as early as 1990, it was the SSQQ instructors who made SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance Magic hum at a steady clip!! 

Here is a statistic that should catch your eye:  During the Nineties, 33 different SSQQ instructors found husbands or wives at SSQQ.

When you add in Volunteers, the number climbs well above 40 but I am unsure of the exact number.  The problem was that I didn't keep the names of the volunteers.  Hmm.   

Adding in the Staff and Volunteer numbers from the 2000s, I discovered a bizarre statistic - One SSQQ instructor gets married every three months. 

List of SSQQ Instructors Who Got Married in the 1990s
Peter Shores Paula Yerks (no picture) Arlene Phillips Tony Graham Amelia Cate Brian Swanson Nancy Faulkner Reid Faulkner Mike Hitzhusen Hannah Baker Lisa Starnes Mike Fagan	Richard McDonald David Vining Tonya Binig Tom Binig Michael Stephens Suzy Kish Larry Carlton Liliana Ashley (no picture) Terry Johns (no picture) David Bagesse (no picture) Jeff Hieber (no picture) Wil Coulbourn (no picture)	Heidi Moynihan (no picture) Mary Collins Beth Hentges (no picture) Allen Hentges (no picture) Linda Rooks Rad Decker Sylvia Kay (no picture) Renee Reisinger Janet Wukman (no picture) Kathleen Alexander Ben Liles Daryl Armstrong

"What did the SSQQ Instructors do to get so lucky?"

"These people had three things going for them. 

First, these were very sharp people.  I always hired the people with terrific personalities who just happened to be my favorite advanced students.  These students were good dancers, good-looking, and most of all, blessed with terrific people skills.  The new Staff members were invariably people who were leaders in other walks of life besides the studio.  In other words, they were very attractive people to begin with. 

As one lady (who will remain anonymous) once said to me after her wedding to one of my male instructors, "I figured if he was good enough to impress you, he was definitely going to get a second Interview from me."  That odd compliment brought a big smile to my face.

Second, they became the SSQQ-equivalent of Rock Stars.  They were the best Dancers.  They were the Teachers.  They were the Leaders of the new In-Crowd.  Most of all, they were on their "Turf", a concept I introduced earlier.  Wherever they went, eyes were sure to follow.

Third, they had the pick of the litter if I may be so crass as to describe it that way.  The Instructors would line up to survey the new crop of students each month the same way a high school basketball coach looks for the tallest kids in each freshman class.

SSQQ attracts 1200 students a month, many of whom are people who are recently out of relationships and looking to find new romance.  Let's just say the Instructors had a huge head start on everyone else and leave it at that.  They would look for the cream of the crop and use their position at the studio to get the inside edge.

My instructors knew what they were doing.
 

PICTURES OF SSQQ STAFF MARRIAGES FROM THE 1990S  (Please note the 'Years' are guesses)
Mike and Hannah Hitzhusen, 1995	Brian and Amelia Swanson, 1993
David and Arlene Vining, 1994	Nancy and Reid Faulkner, 1992
Mike and Lisa Fagan, 1995	Michael and Kathy Stephens, 1994
Mike and Hannah Hitzhusen	Tom and Tonya Binig, 1992
Trina and Tony Graham, 1993	Joanne White and Daryl Armstrong, 1998
Mike and Hannah Hitzhusen	Richard MacDonald, Peter and Lesley Shores, 1992
Linda and Rad Decker, 1998	Diana and Ben Liles, 1999
JUDY ARCHER

"Any other SSQQ Instructors to write about?"

"Well, I suppose you should add my name to the group above. 

After finishing up 1989 with a computer chess game as my best friend, I decided it was time to settle down. 

I finished my twelfth year as a dance instructor at the end of 1989.  SSQQ had grown to become the largest dance studio in Houston.  The future economic success of the studio seemed likely enough that I could consider raising a family.

The first twelve years had been an exciting time. Not that it had always been easy.  I had more than my share of ups and downs.

In 1990, I snapped out of my funk from the previous year.  I forgot about Janet.  I decided it did no good to brood about Southwest Whip Club.  I started to pay more attention to my business again.

I wasn't lonely. Unless you wall yourself off like I did in 1989, how can you be lonely when you are surrounded by a sea of people? 

But I did feel terribly alone.  My life was time-shifted. When the rest of the world was having fun in the evening, I was working.  When I had time to play every weekday morning, the rest of the world was working.  Some of my best friends had become the waitresses at Denny's who brought me coffee while I worked the crossword puzzle each morning. 

I had no trouble finding girlfriends, but my bizarre lifestyle made it difficult to sustain relationships. 

Like Gail who broke up with me in 1987 just so she could get some rest, women with day jobs were risky prospects.  I was whipped cream and fun, but when it came to the steak and potatoes role of 'being there' most of the time, I came up short.

Like Janet in 1988 and other women I dated previously with school age children, my weird hours made it tough to fit into any traditional parenting role with a stepchild.  This same lesson had haunted me in five different relationships over the years.  Let me put this another way.  Of the five women with child or children whom I dated seriously, the child proved to be the obstacle that ended each relationship. 

I worked nights.  Mothers would have to stay up very late to see me.  Over time, this would always become a problem.

Maybe if I grew my own children, 'adapting' wouldn't be quite so difficult for the kid, the mother, or me. So 1990 was the year I decided to look for a wife to have kids with. I didn't have to look very far. I already had someone in mind.  Not surprisingly, I married one of my dance teachers.  Judy and I had dated some in 1989 after my breakup with Janet. When Judy told me she wanted to raise a family and become a dance teacher as well, that was exactly what I wanted to hear.  So towards the end of 1990, we tied the knot. Nor did I have to wait very long for children either. In July 1991, Judy and I were blessed with the birth of our daughter Samantha.  Meet my favorite rugrat, Sam, at age 4.

Maureen Brunetti and Judy Archer

SAMANTHA ARCHER In addition to Sam, did you know there is a whole generation of 'studio kids'?  These children are the blessings of SSQQ Romances.  Daryl, Ben, Rachel all have studio children. So do my friends Tom and Margaret Easley and many other families. This is an important topic for another story. Sammie has led a very odd life as a 'Studio Kid'.  It had to be tough on her spending each night in the studio office at a place that forbids children.  On the one hand, she has grown up to be very poised around adults.  But she has had trouble handling the inevitable childhood teasing because she has led such a cloistered existence. However these days she is all teenager - I can't get her off instant messaging marathons with her friends. Sam has won several major writing and speech awards. She has also shown great promise as an actress.  She has had leads in several plays. Were it not for Sam's lifelong difficulty getting homework assignments in on time, I imagine her grades would more closely parallel her intelligence.  Sam is a smart kid and a good kid.  I am proud of her.
Sam's first Halloween Party 1991	Grade Six	Grade Nine
Twelve years old	Judy and Sam	Grade Eight

"What is Judy's legacy at the studio?"

"Judy Archer was a huge help to me in the business during the Nineties.  We were good business partners. And of course we helped each other raise a wonderful daughter.  These two areas of our life turned to gold. 

During Judy's years at the studio, her greatest strength was creating dance programs. 

Judy was way ahead of the curve on Swing Dancing.  She was the person who literally brought the Lindy Hop to Houston, Texas.  The Lindy rebirth started first in New York and out in Los Angeles.  Thanks to Judy, Houston was probably the next city in line to greet the Swing Era. You don't believe me?  Go read the story - The History of Swing Dancing.  Judy deserves a lot of credit.

During the Swing Era, Judy created two excellent Swing Teams. Her second Swing Team was incredible.  These talented dancers blew people away with their performances at 1998 and 1999 dance parties.  Extravaganza

After Swing started to calm down a bit, Judy turned her attention to Salsa.  Judy's contributions to the studio's Salsa program were phenomenal.  She built the SSQQ Salsa program into the largest in the city.  A lot of people can put out one hit record, but it isn't easy to do it twice.  Judy deserves a lot of credit for repeating her Swing success with Salsa.

Judy's creativity was not confined to dance. Judy was the guiding force behind acquiring our beautiful dance floors in 1999, adding the Haunted House to our Halloween Party and the marvelous Dickens Village to our Christmas Party.  The next time you see Frankenstein or the Mummy in Haunted House, be sure to give a smile for Judy.  Those monsters are her creation.

Judy and I were married for ten years.  Judy turned out to be a very private person.  Unlike me who throws every triumph and every dilemma into a story, Judy would rather just be left alone.  Ultimately the dichotomy of our natures - I am public, she is private - resulted in so many pressures between us that we decided to part while we were still friends in 2001. 

A series of stories that best explains the reasons behind our breakup is known as the HSDS-SSQQ Swing Feud.  This story details how two unethical people combined forces to essentially pirate Judy's Swing achievements for their own purposes.  Obviously Judy and I knew what was going on, but we did nothing to stop it from happening. 

But if you are pressed for time, the best story of all has to do with the Harvest Moon Ball incident of 1998.  This was an incident were the leader of HSDS told the world that SSQQ had discriminated against him.  It was true that we asked this man to please not come to a dance party at the studio, but the reasons had nothing to do with race.  We just didn't trust him. 

But no one knew the real reasons behind our snub. Instead rumors were spread that we were bigots and racists.  A great deal of unnecessary anger was directed at Judy simply because no one knew the truth.

Having learned my lesson from my 1986 experience with my first wife Pat, I was ready to tell the world about the 1997 treachery and the story behind the snub.  Silence allows the other side to manipulate the spin.  But Judy wanted no part of the controversy.  Her private nature made her recoil from the threat of a nasty public brouhaha. Judy refused to permit me to tell the true story at the time it was happening.  I did eventually tell the story several years down the road, but by this time, anything I wrote appeared in print far too late to serve any purpose other than serve as a history lesson.  A tremendous amount of damage was done to the studio's reputation. In the late Nineties HSDS began to claim to be the superior Swing organization.  Emboldened by our unwillingness to speak up and defend ourselves against their attacks, the HSDS organization began to send members to our studio to suggest to our students (behind our backs) to try their program instead.  I know this because I would find discarded HSDS flyers left behind.  The memory of how I lost students to the SW Whip Club ten years earlier made this situation impossible to tolerate.  Again I was ready to counter-attack this ethically-challenged organization, but again Judy refused to give me permission to retaliate.  As I watched Judy lose her Swing team, her Swing instructors, and many of our Swing students to the HSDS organization, I could not believe Judy refused to permit me to speak my mind.  What on earth was Judy thinking? Look at it from my point of view.  My 2 worst experiences in the 1980s were the loss of my Whip students to Southwest Whip Club in 1988 and the lies I allowed to be spread about me after getting slapped in the face by my ex-wife Pat in 1986.  Now right there under my nose, I was seeing a repeat of my two worst nightmares from the Eighties.  But this time I had the experience necessary to fight back... only to chafe at my handcuffs because Judy refuses to let me fight back.  Without her help, any fight would be a wasted effort.  Judy's actions forced me to sit back and watch my studio be exploited. Take a quick guess how her ostrich-like decisions sat with me.

The consequence of Judy's aversion to controversy was that HSDS was allowed to siphon off students who were once loyal to SSQQ.  I estimate we lost 50% of our Swing students due to Judy's total lack of business judgment.  What a fiasco.

Not surprisingly, our constant arguments over how best to deal with this major threat to our business drove us apart.  The problems generated by HSDS literally cost us our marriage. 

Judy and I did our best to work together at the studio after our divorce in 2001.  However I was now her boss. After fifteen years of being equals, Judy found it tough to tolerate being told what to do. Judy decided it was time to move on in November 2004.  She quit without notice.  Considering her vast number of responsibilities at the time, her decision to leave in this manner left us in a serious bind.  Under those circumstances, Judy's departure could hardly be described as amicable."
 

FLYING UNDER THE RADAR

Flying under the radar

"Did anyone else get married in the Nineties or was it just the Instructors?" "This turns out to be an awkward question for me.  The answer is that I think lots of people got married at the studio, but quite a few people eluded detection. I called this phenomenon "Flying Under the Radar". Most of the SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance from the Nineties would have to be summed it up this way - If I can't find your picture on the Halloween Poster or a Sock Hop poster during the Nineties, you don't exist.  Nor was getting your picture taken any guarantee.  Three parties were photographed a year, 100 pictures each, 10 years in the decade.   3,000 pictures makes it tough to look through and make sense of it all. Let's face it, the Nineties were a largely undocumented era. There were a lot of marriages that may not be found.  Here are some of pictures I was able to spot.   (By the way, Readers, please feel free to contribute any information on missing marriages. dance@ssqq.com)

HERE ARE SOME OF SSQQ MARRIAGES IN THE NINETIES
Virginia and Gerald McEathron, 1997	Jan and Steve (last name?),  1994 ??
Gina and Mike Dorman, 1998
John Sarabia and Danee Hamilton, 1989	Stacy - Ms Raisin Dance - Steve (last name??), 1993
His name is Peter.  Her name is Patty.  1992??	Barbara and Jim Hordern,  1992
Chuck & Mystery Lady. Chuck was engaged to this lady, then changed his mind.  He later married Stephanie on the right.	And this is Stephanie.  No picture exists of Stephanie and Chuck together. 1997?
Unknown Mystery Couple 1992	Mike and Donna Maresh, 1996
Don't know their name or year.  And the one he is married to  isn't the one he is the most attracted to in this picture either.	This lovely couple only made it through a couple years. Too bad, I really liked them both.
1990, John Goode and Pam Thomas	1990, John Goode and Pam Thomas
The Beautiful Couple.  No one got their name.	Brokeback Mountain.  They are actually both quite straight, but I couldn't resist.

Flying Under the Radar Continued...

How many couples have their picture up there?  I count TWELVE.   Twelve couples in ten years?   That is an average of a little more than one couple per year.

C'mon, in 2005 we had 15 couples get married in one year alone!!  So you can't expect me to believe these twelve couples are the end of the story.

I bet there are 30 more couples from the Nineties I will never know about.  A lot of couples flew under the the Radar in those days.

There is no other way to describe the Nineties other than it all boiled down to whether a couple got their picture taken or not. 

If you weren't on the SSQQ Staff or didn't get your picture taken at a Halloween Party, you did not exist.  Much of the 1990s Slow Dance and Romance scene remains undocumented to this day."
 

Stuart and Dianne Raef "Rick, what makes you so sure there were other people getting married during the Nineties that you didn't know about?" "Funny you should ask that.  When I contend that a lot of couples flew under the radar during the Nineties, the story of Stuart Raef and his lovely wife Dianne serves as a perfect example of what I mean I knew Stuart because he dated Linda Rooks, one of my instructors, for a while.  But I did not know him very well.  I have a hunch I met Dianne at the studio, but I didn't get to know her.  Dianne's picture was familiar. Stuart and Dianne got married in 1997, but I never heard a thing about it.  Even though this couple had very strong SSQQ connections, I remained completely in the dark until Dianne wrote me in 2006.  At this point we struck up a conversation and I learned the entire story. -----Original Message----- From: Stuart and Dianne Raef Sent: Thursday, October 19, 2006 6:12 PM To: dance@ssqq.com Subject: dance step instructions Rick, I am Dianne Raef and my hubby, Stuart Raef, and I took dance lessons from you for several years, back in the 90's….in fact that is where we continued our romancing until we decided to make our last name's the same….in 1997…since then we have retired and moved to the country….we are trying to help some friends learn a few dance steps but neither of us can find any of the handouts from the two steps and waltz lessons we took. Would you mind sharing those with us?..we think we have most of them correct but thought it would be great to check them out to see if we are helping or hurting our friends…thanks so much…. -----Original Message----- From: Rick Archer Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 10:41 AM To: Stuart Raef Subject: RE: dance step instructions I doubt seriously the syllabus from these two classes will do much good, Diane, but you are more than welcome to them. Your name is very familiar to me, Diane. Did you and Stuart meet at the studio or just enjoy your courtship there? The truth of the matter is that I did not recognize the name at all.  I was just fishing.  Fortunately Dianne helped me out. From: Stuart and Dianne Raef Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 12:21 PM Subject: slow dance and romance dance step instructions You are a sweetheart…thanks so much…we met dancing at the Long Horn…Stu was with Linda Decker and and Gerald and Virginia McEathron and another gal, small blond, that danced a lot with your studio…Stu was part of the Lindy Hop group…I enclosed a photo…I am sure You remember stuart more than me…(a little greyer but still dancing….) thanks again… by the way, my son, Tony Lazarine, has taken Salsa from you a couple of times too…great place to learn and meet folks…. Gareld and Virginia?  You have to be kidding.  I know both of them well because we have shared a half-dozen cruises together.  I remembered that Virginia and Gareld were dating about this same time before getting married.  Gosh, why didn't Virginia or Gerald ever tell me about this couple? While I was puzzling over my ignorance, I looked at the picture Dianne had sent. Once I saw the picture, I remembered Stuart immediately.  Like a lot of people, he was a big part of the studio Western group for a couple years.  Then one day he stopped coming and I was so out of it I never even noticed. A couple minutes later I got a second email from Dianne -----Original Message----- From: Stuart and Dianne Raef Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 12:51 PM To: 'Rick Archer' Subject: RE: dance step instructions It was Linda Rooks…and Kaye Reed that we knew…finally remembered…. Kaye Reed?  She was a big part of the studio in the Nineties.  I knew her well.  Kaye was easily one of the top three female Western dancers and a friend of mine as well.  I had to ask myself why the heck didn't Kaye tell me about Dianne and Stuart?  This was getting ridiculous.  The straw that broke the camel's back was when Dianne named Linda Rooks.   Now I was really frustrated at my ignorance. I knew Linda had dated Stuart for some time, but both had moved on amicably. After Stuart and Linda went their separate ways, a new man named Rad Decker entered Linda's life.  Linda and Rad were serious about each other from the word "GO".  You could tell they clicked well.  I was happy for Linda.  I had known her for eight years and she was one of my best instructors.  I had the greatest respect for this talented woman. Linda only had one weakness - she went nuts whenever a camera appeared.  Why I will never know because I thought she was very attractive. Nevertheless Linda would panic every time I tried to photograph her. This Halloween picture on the right is probably the best picture of Linda I ever took... and that picture is not exactly a prize winner. But why didn't Linda, a close friend of mine, bother to mention Stuart and Dianne's wedding?  This was turning into a mystery.   -----Original Message----- From: Rick Archer Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 1:17 PM To: Stuart Raef Subject: RE: dance step instructions Dianne, now that I see the picture, I remember you both very well. Kaye is a longtime friend of mine. You know what, Dianne, that does it… you and Stu have an SSQQ marriage unless you talk me out of it. Look at it from my point of view: I taught Stu to dance. Stu used dancing to meet you. And many of your friends during the courtship were SSQQ dancers. Okay, you didn’t meet in dance class, but those were SSQQ moves that got things going ;-)  I intend to claim you guys as another SSQQ romance! -----Original Message----- From: Stuart and Dianne Raef Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 3:48 PM To: 'Rick Archer' Subject: RE: dance step instructions I see your point, Rick…the times we had there were great times…too bad we are so far from there now or we would return often…we could use some refresher courses…. we have sent many a folk your way since then, but maybe Stuart and I can sneak by one of these days. So what do Gareld and Virginia, Rad and Linda, and Stuart and Dianne have in common?   All three couples got married in 1997.  And all three couples knew each other well.  But no one told me about Stuart and Dianne's wedding.  Linda my instructor did not tell me.  My friend Kaye Reed didn't tell me.  Gareld and Virginia didn't tell me.  I languished in the dark.  Actually, it probably isn't a mystery why no one told me.  I think I know why no one told me - back then I wasn't keeping track of weddings.  There was no newsletter and no web site.  They didn't know I cared, so why bother? This story serves as a perfect example why I am convinced there are many SSQQ marriages from the Nineties that I will probably never know about.   This was a period in my life where I just wasn't paying very good attention.  Now that I write this story, I feel tremendous regret.  I wish I had known better.   Oh well.

John and Danee Sarabia While I am at it, here's another story.  John Sarabia and Danee Hamilton were card-carrying members of the Studebaker Gang.  In fact, Danee even made it to the Bahamas with her friend Liz Perry on Sharon Crawford's 1988 trip. John and Danee got married in 1989.  And guess what?  I attended their wedding!  (you can even see me in the picture.)  But did I list them as one of my married couples when I originally wrote the Matchmaker story in 2006?  Heck no.  Like I said, if I didn't have a picture, I didn't have a brain.  Fortunately one day John and Danee read my Matchmaker article.  They loved the story, but couldn't imagine how I managed to omit mentioning them, especially since I was AT THEIR WEDDING (look in the picture; that's me in the background).  John was kind enough to send me the following email: -----Original Message----- From: john sarabia Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2007 1:15 AM To: dance@ssqq.com Subject: Howdy from the Studebaker crowd! Rick,  Danee and I were looking up some information on the net and found your website. We spent the next 2 and a half hours reading about all the articles and thinking back to the days we spent with you and SSQQ. Danee is even in a couple of pictures you have posted of the Bahama trip of '88. Seeing pictures of you and Diane Head (Archies "Sugar, Sugar" ) Maureen, Liz Perry, and Sharon Crawford brought back memories. Danee and I initially met at Studebakers as we were both part of the THE GROUP but didn't know each other at the time. We then began taking classes together. You were at our wedding and reception in Sept of 1989. We pass by the studio from time to time and we've talked about going back and taking lessons. So far, our dance has us moving to a different song. Love and Marriage is a dance, Rick, but a dance within a dance. We wish you all the best. Who knows we may surprise you and pop in on you one day. God Bless,  John and Danee Sarabia So here we have another couple who was once a big part of the studio who flew under the radar because I simply didn't keep track in those days.  Now I wish I had! However the nice thing is that I can continue to update and add to my story as more information comes in.  The Fourth Generation just added another marriage! So my point is this - if I left you out on the first run (2006) and the second run (2007), there is still plenty of time.  If you want to be added to the story, email me some pictures and add whatever details you wish.  In this regard, I am grateful to Danee and John for helping to make my story even more complete.  Thank you to both of you!

Chris and Karen Whitaker On Saturday, July 28, 2007, I was scheduled to teach a Western Crash Course on Synchronized Polka.  There was a couple in my class that seemed very familiar.  I stared at them a little too long and they noticed.  They smiled back at me and walked over to say hi. That's is when Chris and Karen Whitaker reintroduced themselves to me.  They told me they met in my Western class back in the early Nineties.  They took lessons for a year or so, then disappeared to get married and start a family.  'Marriage is the death of dance'... Now fifteen years later Chris and Karen had a free evening.  So they decided to drop by, say hello, and see if their Polka still worked.   There was a little rust, but they did great.  Dancing is just like riding a bicycle!

Bob and Sharon Manning -----Original Message----- From: Bob Manning Sent: Saturday, August 25, 2007 9:00 PM To: dance@ssqq.com Subject: Matchmaker Article Hi Rick and the Gang, I was on your website because Sharon and I are looking to take some more dance lessons. I was looking at your “Romance” section and noticed the weddings only went back to 1999. Sharon and I met taking Jitterbug/Swing classes at SSQQ in 1991 and got married in 1994. Your organization has a formula for romance. We stopped taking lessons because of the distance to the studio (and we got busy, the sun was in our eyes, we tripped on a rock, …). We hope to start and see all of you again soon. Bob & Sharon Manning – SSQQ Students 1991-1994 -----Original Message----- From: Rick Archer Sent: Monday, August 27, 2007 10:49 AM To: Bob Manning Subject: RE: Matchmaker Gosh, your names are familiar. Hmm. Your romance falls into the era I refer to as 'Flying under the Radar'. Unless I took a picture at one of the dance parties that prompts my memory, the Nineties are now a complete and total blur.  You see, in the Eighties I taught all the classes and I knew everyone. But in the Nineties when the studio expanded to five rooms, I couldn't keep track of everyone's story any longer.  Believe me when I say I am filled with a lot of regret about this period in the studio's history! I will add your story to the Matchmaker Saga immediately.  In the meantime, I am very grateful that you have shared your story with me.  Feel free to add any more information. Thank you!  Rick

Mary Collins and Mike Moore In October 2007, as I entered the studio I was greeted by a familiar face.  My wonderful friend Mary Collins... now Mary Moore... was at the studio to take a dance lesson. Mary Collins was my assistant in Western classes for about two years in the late Nineties.  I believe she met her husband Mike while dancing at a Western club.   He took several lessons here at the studio during their courtship period.  Not only was Mary a great assistant, she was also my friend. I was very happy for her when she married Mike in November 1998. However, as I feared, like many couples Mike and Mary faded into the sunset not long after they got married.  As I have said repeatedly, marriage is such a big step that people's priorities and lifestyles go through radical changes. So it was quite a surprise after nine years to see Mary's smile again as I entered the studio.   Apparently Mike's grown daughter by a previous marriage wanted to learn some Western dancing, so Mike and Mary not only signed Melissa up at the studio, they came along with her!  Guess what was the first thing I did when I saw Mike and Mary?  I took their picture, of course!  These guys are SSQQ celebrities after all.  So how did Mary (Collins) Moore manage to fly under the radar when I knew her so well? Mary's wedding doesn't completely qualify as a marriage that escaped my attention.  I have her marriage listed in two previous places on this page.  What I didn't have, however, were any pictures!  Even though Mary was a mainstay at the studio for several years,  I guess she wasn't a Halloween person.  I could not find a picture of her to save my soul. However, Mary's wedding to Mike did have a special distinction.  I mentioned her upcoming wedding as part of the first SSQQ Newsletter I ever published at the end of 1998.  And now I get to add their picture to the story.  Welcome back!

"Is it always necessary for you to be directly involved for the Romances to flourish?  Do you have to be in the picture for Cupid to operate at SSQQ?" "Probably not.  My major contribution is maintaining a Fun Playground.  The Birds and the Bees do the rest of the work.  I have very little direct contact with most of the wedding couples. As you can see from my previous story about all the unreported marriages, obviously the Magic was still there while I snoozed a decade away.  SSQQ Romance Magic was definitely alive in the Nineties despite my total ignorance!   I have another story to prove my point.

The picture at the right is from the 1991 Dogpatch Dance Party.  His name is Richard, but I cannot remember the lady's name for the life of me.  They met at SSQQ and eventually got married. Together they are another "unreported Nineties Wedding" that flew under the radar.   The only reason I remember them is because I ran across this picture taken during their courtship.  After their marriage, they disappeared and I never saw them again.  Marriage is the Death of Dance.   I also found a group picture from the same party.  What makes the group picture so unusual is that I circled 11 people in this picture who met their husbands or wives through the studio.  That's right, 11 out of 28 people in the picture got married to someone from SSQQ.  That's 40% if you like percentages.   Since I have no statistics to compare this picture to, maybe I am guilty of over-exaggeration, but isn't 11 out of 28 a ridiculously high number of marriages? All 28 people are single.  I don't see one married couple in this picture.  Richard and his pretty girlfriend are the only two people who got married 'within' the group picture.  The other 9 people circled in this picture would eventually meet someone else at SSQQ who was not present in this picture. This Dogpatch Picture represents 10 SSQQ Marriages.  Romance was obviously alive and well at SSQQ during the Nineties.

Another aspect that makes this Dogpatch picture unusual is I only know the names of 14 people out of 28.  In the 1990s, the studio had grown so big, I barely knew half the people at my own dance party.  I knew them by face only. 

This picture pretty much says it all - There was plenty of SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance Magic in the 1990s, but since I wasn't really counting or writing down names, a lot of it flew under my Radar.  Obviously I did not have to be directly involved for Love to flourish.  I think Dancing as always was the real ice breaker.  Dance is a direct road to Romance."  
 

"Flying Under the Radar.  Doesn't that make it a little difficult to write a story about SSQQ Romance in the 90s?" "Tell me about it!  Back when I was 'Leader of the Pack' I knew everyone's name and everyone's story.  Now that I had become CEO of Houston's largest dance studio, I was lucky if I knew 30% of the names of the people who took classes.  It wasn't until Daryl Armstrong started using name tags during dance classes in the late Nineties that I started to learn names again. As the studio grew, in a large way, the studio became more impersonal.  There was no real 'Center'.  If I wasn't in the mood to get the party started, our guests would often drift around rudderless like any bar crowd.  The people would search for someone cute to dance with, but leave the moment they decided the pickings were slim.  In other words, people didn't get to know each other like they used to.  'Anonymity' might be the ugly word to best describe the problem.   Some of the homey feel had disappeared. Whereas back in the Eighties there had once been a single 'In-Crowd', now the studio had 'The Staff' and 'Various Students Hanging Around'. Just as a simple example, let me analyze this 1994 picture.  There are four instructors in the picture - Larry Carlton on the left with his hand on Kaye Reed's shoulder.  Debbie Reynolds is smiling the very center of the picture (Debbie was one of my three most important instructors during the Nineties).  That is Instructor Tony Graham at the bottom plus his new wife Trina in red on the far right.  They had just gotten married.  So four members of the picture were SSQQ Staff.  A fifth person was a wife and the other - Kaye - was an off-and-on member of what little In-Crowd we had.  In this picture is a Third Generation couple Chuck and Laurie Gray and his wife Laurie (standing next to Trina with Chuck peeking in).  Chuck had dropped in because Laurie wanted him to take her dancing.  He and Laurie came to the studio partly to dance and partly to see their old friends.  This was the party where Chuck came up to me and wondered where all the 'Old Gang' was.  Remember that story from the previous chapter?  I had to explain to Chuck how the old crowd had moved on.  Once Chuck and Laurie realized they would never see their old friends at SSQQ, one of their major incentives to return was removed. That was 1993.  I think they came to a 1994 Halloween Party, but I haven't seen Chuck or Laurie at a party since.   The other six people are 'faces in the crowd' as far as I am concerned. I don't remember their names.  Thirteen people; I know about half of them because they worked for me.  In some ways, the studio had grown too big for its own good. The studio was struggling for a new identity. To be more honest, SSQQ was struggling for a Leader in the early and mid-Nineties."

"What did you do about SSQQ's 'Identity Crisis'?"

"To be frank, I let the social side of the studio drift.  I was suffering from my own 'Marriage is the Death of Dance' burnout.

'Leader of the Pack' is a difficult role to sustain day in and day out for a lifetime.  Don't forget my official job title was 'dance teacher', not 'social director'.  I did my social director thing because I wanted to, not because I was paid to.

At this point, I was busy raising a child now.  And my wife Judy did not enjoy socializing in our free time.  So I did the 'Family Thing'.  We did things as a family which cut down my time at the studio.  Increasingly I left the singles to find their own happiness.

In my defense, every time one of my instructors got married, they either resigned or trimmed their own 'Life of the Party' roles back to the bare minimum.  History has shown that once you become a 'Double', it is hard to maintain your wild and crazy 'Single' persona.  Once people get into relationships, they settle down.

For example, as I write this story in 2006 I am thinking of three guys who love to go on our dance cruises.  At different times in previous years, they were definitely the Wild Men on the cruises.  They did all sorts of crazy things to generate energy and have fun.  But the moment each man got into a relationship, on the next cruise they were so tame and well-behaved you had to blink to make sure it was the same guy. 

It is tough to be a Singles Leader when you are in a Relationship.

During the Nineties I admit I felt guilty about neglecting the social side of the studio.  I hated the dilemma I faced - whenever I pursued my own happiness in a relationship, the studio drifted.  Whenever I was lonely, I turned to the Group for companionship and immediately the studio prospered. 

Take the Misery side of the dilemma.  In 1986, I channeled my misery after my divorce from Pat into the 201 Nights of Dancing story.  The energy I created during that strange year transformed SSQQ into a supernova.  The studio was so hot in 1997 that the effects of the Streak could still be seen in the Studebaker Year of 1988.  I was miserable; the studio did great. Then came my 1991-1995 Married With Kid years.  On a Saturday Night, I took my family to the movies.  No Saturday Night dancing in the clubs for me.  I showed up at the studio, taught classes and went home.  The energy at the studio dwindled.  The classes got smaller.  At the end of Year 1995, after Judy paid every bill, we had $300 left in the bank. That shows what 5 years of neglecting your business will do. Is there ever a happy medium?  We will debate that later."

"Didn't you do anything? You didn't lift a finger to help with the Social Side?"

"Unfortunately people don't have the luxury of knowing the effects of their decisions until it's too late. 

I knew I was taking a gamble getting married back in 1990.  I had enough experience to know the worse my love life was, the better my studio did.  The cynic in me believed that seeking happiness was bad for the studio.  On the other hand, this lonely stuff gets old.  I hoped that maybe having a large Staff would mean the social side of the studio could flourish without me.

And I suppose most people would agree I had a right to have a family.  I had a right to take a couple nights a week off from the studio.  I had a right to think my staff could do just as good a job as I could.  Unfortunately I had to find out the hard way that I am the heart of the studio.  No one ever seemed to get the party started when I wasn't around. 

One of the new developments - perhaps good, perhaps bad - was that now I ran all the social activities at the studio which I began to call 'Fort SSQQ'.  My days of dancing in the 'Real World' as I called it were few and far between.  People would say, 'Gosh, Rick, there's a big dance contest this weekend at Melody Lane. So and so is competing!!  Let's go cheer for him!"   Out of guilt maybe I showed up for the dance contest on a Saturday night.  I had worked the night before at the Friday Night SSQQ Practice.  Saturday was my night off, but here I was watching people dance.  Sunday was my toughest day of the week with five hours of classes and practice.  Going to that Saturday contest on what should have been my night off would practically ruin me for Sunday!

Now look at it from my students point of view.  Good things happened when I showed up.  The first thing that happened would be my Pied Piper duty of rounding everyone up.  You see, there were always little pockets of SSQQ people all over the room, but they didn't know each other so they didn't sit together.  Once I showed up, all the little pockets of people would come join me where I sat.  They would be happy to see me because I was their leader and they recognized me.  Suddenly little groups of one, two, or three people became two tables of thirty people! 

Once I got my tables organized, I would begin my social butterfly duties.  I would ask students to dance with me or I might ask someone to go dance with a beginner.  I would greet new people when they got there and invite them to sit with us, then I would introduce the newcomers to some interesting people who in turn would look out for them and continue the introductions.   Within the safe haven of our group, people would be less shy about introducing themselves.  Pretty soon conversations would develop between strangers because they had something in common - dancing at SSQQ.  Pretty soon they would ask each other to dance and the ice was broken.   At this point a group spirit would develop for the evening.  I had done my job of getting the party started.

 I had made a contribution, but I wore myself out in the process. I would definitely be exhausted the next day from four hours of dancing.  While they could goof off the next day if they were tired, I had my longest day of the week on Sunday.   Good for the studio, bad for Rick.   I suppose I shouldn't admit this, but I don't enjoy watching dance contests.  Dance Contests may be entertaining for my students and I understand their interest, but from my point of view who wants to watch dancing on their day off?  Or maybe I would be aggravated because I never think dance contests are fair. 

I rarely had much fun at the dance contests.  So I would skip the next contest.  My little pockets of students stayed scattered throughout the evening.  Left with no main SSQQ group to attach themselves to, they intermingled with people from other dance studios.  The following week I would discover half a dozen students went to the contest and someone recruited them to take classes from someone else. 

So there was no Win-Win for me.  It was always a trade-off.  It usually boiled down to whether I was single or in a relationship.  If I was single, I didn't mind going to contests as much because it was a way to hang with the Gang.  But if I was married or in a relationship, I usually preferred to skip the event only to fret as my business would suffer.  Obviously being single was better for the studio, but it meant I would be lonely. 

Throughout the Eighties when I was usually single, the studio thrived.  Throughout the Nineties when I was married, the energy at the studio dropped perceptibly.   Throughout my marriage in the 90s, my attitude was, 'I am married.  I will not be Leader of the Pack on my day off'.  And sure enough, I had to learn the hard way my business suffered.

I am certain politicians, religious leaders and lots of other professionals who work with large groups of people have similar trade-offs.   Doing what you want to do is fun, being where the people are is good for business but maybe not so fun.  So you try to find a balance.

I think there was something to be said for the good old days when we had ski trips, Bahama Mama trips, volleyball parties, Charades, Jigsaw Puzzle Parties, Hill Country trips, and so on.  Of course we had the major dances at the studio, but we also did a lot of things outside the studio which helped our group establish its spirit.

But my attempts in the early 90s to recreate those earlier years were met with failure.  The studio had grown so big that intimate events like a Charades Party just didn't get off the ground.

One time in the early Nineties I scheduled a Trivial Pursuits on a free Saturday night.  We had maybe a dozen people show up.  Attendance in dance classes that month was around 1,000.  12 people out of 1,000... not very good.

In the old days of the Third Generation when we were a close-knit group, we would get 40 people out of a student body of perhaps 200 for a Charades Party because that's where the action was.  

You get my point.  Social Groups are not like faucets.  You cannot just turn them on and off.

The momentum has to be built one step of the way.  In 1980 I got it going with Urban Cowboy,  stoked the fires with the Winchester Club, super-charged it with 201 Nights of Dancing, and kept the energy going with Studebakers, the Bahamas, Banff, the Halloween Party and the Sleazy Bar Party right through to the end of the decade.   Now in the mid-90s, there was no In-Crowd.  There was no Core Group.  Even the instructors weren't that close.  SSQQ was no longer a Singles Club.  It had grown so big that it was only a business now.  The social side was barely flickering. The first half of the 90s was not a strong period for the studio.  The rap music of the day killed interest in Whip dancing.  Western dancing had been strong for a long time, but it was hitting a lull.  Salsa dancing had not come along yet.   Swing Dancing had Studebakers in its rear view mirror.  Ballroom dancing was non-existent.   We finished 1995 with $300 to our name.   Obviously the studio was stuck in a big muddy rut.