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Rick's Gabfest with Gertrude
Written by Rick Archer, March 2006
Chapter Four:
THE NINETIES |
 |
First Generation
|
1977 -1979 |
Saturday Night Fever Disco Era
|
Second Generation
|
1980 - 1984 |
Urban Cowboy Western Era,
Winchester Club
|
Third Generation
|
1985 - 1987 |
201 Nights of Dancing, Tom
Easley Look-a-Likes
|
Fourth Generation
|
1988 - 1997 |
Studebaker Gang, Sharon
Crawford, SSQQ Staff
|
Fifth Generation
|
1998 - 2000 |
Millennium - The Daryl Armstrong Experience,
Heartbeat, Swing Kids!
|
Sixth Generation
|
2001 -2007 |
Love Boat
|
"So it's the Nineties
now. You have started a new
decade at SSQQ. Who took the place of the Third
Generation leaders like Tom, Jim, Diane, and Margie?"
"My new set of
instructors took over the studio. This group was drawn
mainly from the people who loved to hang out at Studebakers. I usually refer to them
as the Studebaker Gang or the Fourth Generation.
After the twin "death comets" of Southwest Whip and Houston's
Economy wiped out my entire Third Generation, into the
enormous leadership vacuum stepped the new leaders -
Maureen Brunetti, Donna Ruth, Linda Rooks, Ben Liles, Susie
Allen (Merrill), Ben Liles, Debbie Reynolds, Judy Stidham,
and of course Sharon Crawford - always Sharon, my rock. Another
important leader, Linda Cook, came
along in the early 90s. Daryl Armstrong came
along in the mid
90s.
These instructors were the people who supplied the heat throughout the
1990s. This talented group of people were the true
leaders of SSQQ. Yes, I contributed, but not nearly as
much as I used to. It was more of a team effort now. I was very
grateful to have these fine people to help shoulder the load.
As they say, I couldn't have done it without them.
My name was synonymous with SSQQ all the way till the end of 1987.
Over half the
classes were taught by me. At some point, everyone
ended up in one of my classes during the Eighties. However when we took on the
additional space in late 1987, this important detail changed quite a
bit. I was still the public face of SSQQ, but now I
taught only 20% of the classes. From this point on,
many people came through the studio who never actually took
a class from me.
Naturally each new person bonded with their first
instructor. And let me tell you something - I had some
good instructors!
Going
from 2 rooms to 5 rooms created an instant growth spurt.
During this expansion, I tried hiring experienced dance
instructors who had received their training elsewhere. Unfortunately I had one miserable experience after another
hiring people from outside our program to work here.
We discovered the outside instructors had trouble adapting to
our format because SSQQ is so unusual in its approach to the
dance business. The outside instructors could teach
just fine, but they were baffled by the importance I placed
on our social program. They didn't understand why I
considered Practice Night to be so important. All they
cared about was talking students into private lessons.
They were not a good fit. As a side note, of all the
outside instructors, only Debbie Reynolds was able to adapt.
She was the single exception to the rule. Debbie was
popular, funny, and very responsible. I really
regretted losing her in the late Nineties.
With one headache after another finding new instructors,
I remembered how well things had worked out when I took my
best students - Sharon Crawford, Diane Head, and Jim
Smith - and turned them into dance teachers. I
concluded bringing people up within the organization was my
best bet. From now on, I would hire the most talented
dancers among our own students and train them to be
teachers. This was one of the best decisions I ever
made - grow my teachers from within the studio.
Starting in 1988, whenever a Staff Member left, I would pick the best
student and convert them practically overnight into an
Instructor. We would work with them right before
class, then throw them into the water and hope they could
swim.
If you think this is a little brutal, you might be right.
This method was very stressful for the new teachers. As you
remember from Sharon Crawford's experience, Sharon got so
nervous during her first class that she could barely speak above
a whisper.
Sharon of course
survived, but afterwards she suggested there had to be a
more humane way to train dancers teachers than simply
throwing them to the wolves like I did with her. After her
horrible experience, I agreed there might be a better way to
do this "new teacher" thing, but it took me a while to
figure out how to do it.
Starting in 1992,
I began to train new teachers using the “Apprentice System”.
These people were basically my 'next in line' instructors. The
most talented students were hired to help to veteran
Instructors. Called “Assistants”, they learned via
on-the-job training. When someone would resign, we would
simply promote one of our Assistants to become an
Instructor. This system worked much better.
However our
"Assistant" innovation brought with it new problems. I will
simply admit our 'Assistant' program in the early
90s became a
major pain in the butt for me.
As our program continued to grow, Assistants became so
valuable that the Instructors began to fight over who got to
have an Assistant and who didn’t. At first we had one
Assistant on a Friday night. Then we had an Assistant on
every night. Then we had two Assistants on every night. Then
on some busy nights we went to 3 Assistants.
However with 5 rooms each night, the economics prevented
SSQQ from hiring an Assistant for every Instructor.
That meant that the Assistants were a limited resource.
With 2 or 3 Assistants for 5 Instructors, the Instructors
began to argue over who deserved to get an Assistant and who didn't.
Sometimes it got pretty testy.
Meanwhile, SSQQ finished with $300 in the bank at the end of
1995 due to our bloated payroll.
This pathetic showing for 1995 meant we had more instructors than at any time in
studio history producing less results.
Surely there
was a lesson there. I decided I didn't need an
economics degree to conclude we were
paying too many people to do the same job.
So in 1996 I introduced the “Volunteer Program”. I
encouraged our Instructors to recruit one or two students to
help them teach their classes. These people would
basically volunteer their free time to help our instructors
teach their class.
Believe it or not, we soon found out the spirit of Tom Sawyer lived!
People lined up to volunteer. We didn't pay them a
cent, but they didn't care. They weren't in it for the
money. Some wanted to become a dance teacher.
Some liked helping people. And some wanted to find a
boyfriend or a girlfriend. Or all three...
The big hit song in the movie Urban Cowboy was 'Looking
for Love in All the Wrong Places.'
Obviously that song writer could not have been referring to
SSQQ.
If finding love was the goal
of a volunteer, they were definitely looking
in the Right Place here at SSQQ.
Throughout the decade of the 1990s, we married our
instructors off at a phenomenal clip.
That energy filtered right down to the assistants and
volunteers as well.
In fact, if you were a female and absolutely determined to get married, all you
had to do was become my Assistant. At one point I lost
six assistants and
volunteers in a row to Engagement and Marriage (Paula Yerks, Amelia Cate,
Hannah Baker, Mary Collins, Kathleen Alexander, Kathleen
Labounty).
I don't know if these six lovely women gave me any
credit for their marital success, but this
phenomenon did seem to be more than mere
coincidence. In fact, this situation actually got to be a little ridiculous.
Just when I got them trained, someone proposed to
them! Thanks a lot.
So finally I started asking married women to
be my assistant. Good move. That solved my problem
nicely.
|
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Starting as early as 1990, it was the SSQQ instructors who
made SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance Magic hum at a steady
clip!!
Here
is a statistic that should catch your eye:
During the Nineties, 33 different SSQQ instructors found
husbands or wives at SSQQ.
When you add in
Volunteers, the number climbs well above 40 but I am unsure
of the exact number. The problem
was that I didn't keep the names of the volunteers. Hmm.
Adding in the Staff and Volunteer numbers from
the 2000s, I discovered a bizarre statistic - One SSQQ
instructor gets married every three months.
List of SSQQ
Instructors Who Got Married in the 1990s |
Peter Shores
Paula Yerks (no picture)
Arlene Phillips
Tony Graham
Amelia Cate
Brian Swanson
Nancy Faulkner
Reid Faulkner
Mike Hitzhusen
Hannah Baker
Lisa Starnes
Mike Fagan
|
Richard McDonald
David Vining
Tonya Binig
Tom Binig
Michael Stephens
Suzy Kish
Larry Carlton
Liliana Ashley (no picture)
Terry Johns (no picture)
David Bagesse (no picture)
Jeff Hieber (no picture)
Wil Coulbourn (no picture)
|
Heidi Moynihan
(no picture)
Mary Collins
Beth Hentges (no picture)
Allen Hentges (no picture)
Linda Rooks
Rad Decker
Sylvia Kay
(no picture)
Renee Reisinger
Janet Wukman (no picture)
Kathleen Alexander
Ben Liles
Daryl Armstrong
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 |
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"What did the SSQQ Instructors do to
get so lucky?"
"These people had three things going for them.
First, these were very sharp people. I always hired
the people with terrific personalities who just happened to
be my favorite advanced students. These students were
good dancers, good-looking, and most of all, blessed with
terrific people skills. The new Staff members were
invariably people who were leaders in other walks of life
besides the studio. In other words, they were very
attractive people to begin with.
As one lady (who will remain anonymous) once said to me
after her wedding to one of my male instructors, "I figured if he was good enough to
impress you, he was definitely going to get a second
Interview from me." That odd compliment brought a big
smile to my face.
Second, they became the SSQQ-equivalent of Rock Stars.
They were the best Dancers. They were the Teachers.
They were the Leaders of the new In-Crowd. Most of
all, they were on their "Turf", a concept I introduced
earlier. Wherever they went, eyes were sure to follow.
Third, they had the pick of the litter if I may be so crass
as to describe it that way. The Instructors would line
up to
survey the new crop of students each month the same way a
high school basketball coach looks for the tallest kids in
each freshman class.
SSQQ attracts 1200 students a month, many of whom are people
who are recently out of relationships and looking to find
new romance. Let's just say the Instructors had a huge
head start on everyone else and leave it at that. They
would look for the cream of the crop and use their position
at the studio to get the inside edge.
My instructors knew what they were doing.
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PICTURES OF SSQQ STAFF MARRIAGES FROM THE 1990S
(Please note the 'Years' are guesses) |
Mike and Hannah Hitzhusen, 1995 |
Brian and Amelia Swanson, 1993 |
David and Arlene Vining, 1994 |
Nancy and Reid Faulkner, 1992 |
Mike and Lisa Fagan, 1995 |
Michael and Kathy Stephens, 1994 |
Mike and Hannah Hitzhusen |
Tom and Tonya Binig, 1992 |
Trina and Tony Graham, 1993 |
Joanne White and Daryl Armstrong, 1998 |
Mike and Hannah Hitzhusen |
Richard MacDonald, Peter and
Lesley Shores, 1992 |
Linda and Rad Decker, 1998 |
Diana and Ben Liles, 1999 |
JUDY
ARCHER
|
"Any other SSQQ Instructors to write about?"
"Well, I suppose you should add my name to the group above.
After finishing up 1989 with a computer chess game as my
best friend, I decided it was time to settle down.
I finished my twelfth year as a dance instructor at the end
of 1989. SSQQ had grown to become the largest dance
studio in Houston. The future economic success of the studio
seemed likely enough that I could consider raising a family.
The first twelve years had been an exciting time. Not that it had always been easy. I
had more than my share of ups and downs.
In 1990, I snapped out of my funk from the previous year.
I forgot about Janet. I decided it did no good to
brood about Southwest Whip Club. I started to pay more
attention to my business again.
I wasn't lonely. Unless you wall yourself off like I did in
1989, how can you be lonely when you are
surrounded by a sea of people?
But I did feel terribly
alone. My life was time-shifted. When the rest of the
world was having fun in the evening, I was working.
When I had time to play every weekday morning, the rest of
the world was working. Some of my best friends had
become the waitresses at Denny's who brought me coffee while
I worked the crossword puzzle each morning.
I had no trouble finding girlfriends, but my bizarre
lifestyle made it difficult to sustain relationships.
Like Gail who broke up with me in 1987 just so she could get
some rest, women with day jobs were risky prospects. I
was whipped cream and fun, but when it came to the steak and
potatoes role of 'being there' most of the time, I came up
short.
Like Janet in 1988 and other women I dated previously with
school age children, my weird hours made it tough to fit
into any traditional parenting role with a stepchild.
This same lesson had haunted me in five different
relationships
over the years. Let me put this another way. Of
the five women with child or children whom I dated
seriously, the child proved to be the obstacle that ended
each relationship.
I worked nights. Mothers would have to stay up very
late to see me. Over time, this would always become a
problem.
Maybe if I grew my own
children, 'adapting' wouldn't be quite so difficult
for the kid, the mother, or me.
So 1990 was the year I decided to look for a wife
to have kids with.
I didn't have to look very far. I already had
someone in mind. Not surprisingly, I married
one of my dance teachers. Judy and I had dated
some in 1989 after my breakup with Janet.
When Judy told me she wanted to raise a family and
become a dance teacher as well, that was exactly
what I wanted to hear. So towards the end of
1990, we tied the knot.
Nor did I have to wait
very long for children either. In July 1991,
Judy and I were blessed with the birth of
our daughter Samantha. Meet my favorite rugrat, Sam, at age 4.
|
Maureen Brunetti
and Judy Archer |
SAMANTHA ARCHER
|
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In addition to Sam, did you know there is a whole generation of
'studio kids'? These children are
the blessings of SSQQ Romances.
Daryl, Ben, Rachel all have studio
children. So do my friends Tom and Margaret
Easley and many other families. This is an
important topic for another story.
Sammie has led a very odd life as a 'Studio
Kid'. It had to be tough on her
spending each night in the studio office at
a place that forbids children. On the
one hand, she has grown up to be very poised
around adults.
But she has had trouble
handling the inevitable childhood teasing
because she has led such a cloistered existence.
However these days she is all teenager - I
can't get her off instant messaging
marathons with her friends.
Sam has won several major writing and
speech awards. She has also shown great promise as
an actress. She has had leads in
several plays.
Were it not for Sam's lifelong difficulty
getting homework assignments in on time, I
imagine her grades would more closely
parallel her intelligence.
Sam is a
smart kid and a good kid. I am proud of her.
|
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Sam's first
Halloween Party 1991 |
Grade Six |
Grade Nine |
Twelve years old |
Judy and Sam |
Grade Eight |
"What is Judy's legacy at the studio?"
"Judy
Archer
was a huge help to me
in the business during the Nineties. We were good business partners. And
of course we helped each other raise a wonderful daughter.
These two areas of our life turned to gold.
During Judy's years at the studio, her
greatest strength was creating dance
programs.
Judy was way ahead of the curve on Swing Dancing. She
was the person who literally brought the Lindy Hop to
Houston, Texas. The Lindy rebirth started first in New
York and out in Los Angeles. Thanks to Judy, Houston
was probably the next city in line to greet the Swing Era.
You don't believe me? Go read the story -
The History of Swing Dancing.
Judy deserves a lot of credit.
During the Swing Era,
Judy created two excellent Swing Teams. Her second Swing
Team was incredible. These talented dancers blew people
away with their performances at 1998 and 1999 dance parties.
Extravaganza
After Swing started to calm down a bit, Judy turned her
attention to Salsa.
Judy's contributions to the studio's Salsa program were
phenomenal. She built the SSQQ Salsa program into the
largest in the city. A lot of people can put out one hit
record, but it isn't easy to do it twice. Judy
deserves a lot of credit for repeating her Swing success
with Salsa.
Judy's creativity was not confined to dance. Judy was the
guiding force behind acquiring our beautiful dance floors in
1999, adding the Haunted House to our Halloween Party and
the marvelous Dickens Village to our Christmas Party.
The next time you see Frankenstein or the Mummy in Haunted
House, be sure to give a smile for Judy. Those monsters
are her creation.
Judy and I were married
for ten years. Judy turned out to
be a very private person. Unlike me who throws every
triumph and every dilemma into a story, Judy would rather just be left alone.
Ultimately the dichotomy of
our natures - I am public, she is private - resulted in so
many pressures between us that we decided to part while we
were still friends in 2001.
A series of stories that best
explains the reasons behind our breakup is known as the
HSDS-SSQQ Swing Feud.
This story details how two unethical people combined forces
to essentially pirate Judy's Swing achievements for their
own purposes. Obviously
Judy and I knew what was going on, but we did nothing to
stop it from happening.
But if you are pressed
for time, the best story of all has to do with the
Harvest Moon Ball
incident of 1998. This was an incident were the leader
of HSDS told the world that SSQQ had discriminated against
him. It was true that we asked this man to please not
come to a dance party at the studio, but the reasons had
nothing to do with race. We just didn't trust him.
But no one knew the real reasons behind our snub. Instead
rumors were spread that we were bigots and racists. A
great deal of unnecessary anger was directed at Judy simply
because no one knew the truth.
Having learned my lesson
from my 1986 experience with my first wife Pat, I was ready
to tell the world about the 1997 treachery and the story
behind the snub. Silence
allows the other side to manipulate the spin. But Judy
wanted no part of the controversy. Her private nature
made her recoil from the threat of a nasty public brouhaha.
Judy refused to
permit me to tell the true story at the time it was
happening. I did eventually tell the story
several years down the road, but by this time,
anything I wrote appeared in print far too late to
serve any purpose other than serve as a history lesson.
A tremendous amount of damage was done to the
studio's reputation.
In the late Nineties HSDS began to claim to be the superior Swing
organization. Emboldened by our unwillingness
to speak up and defend ourselves against their attacks, the
HSDS organization began to send members to our
studio to suggest to our students (behind our backs)
to try their program instead. I know this
because I would find discarded HSDS flyers left
behind. The memory of how I lost students to
the SW Whip Club ten years earlier made this
situation impossible to tolerate.
Again I was ready to counter-attack this
ethically-challenged organization, but again Judy
refused to give me permission to retaliate. As
I watched Judy lose her Swing team, her Swing
instructors, and many of our Swing students to the
HSDS organization, I could not believe Judy refused
to permit me to speak my mind.
What on earth was Judy thinking?
Look at it from
my point of view. My 2 worst experiences in
the 1980s were the loss of my Whip students to
Southwest Whip Club in 1988 and the lies I allowed
to be spread about me after getting slapped in the
face by my ex-wife Pat in 1986.
Now right there under my nose, I was seeing a
repeat of my two worst nightmares from the Eighties.
But this time I had the experience necessary
to fight back... only to chafe at my handcuffs
because Judy refuses to
let me fight back. Without her help, any
fight would be a wasted effort. Judy's actions
forced me to sit back and watch my studio be
exploited.
Take a quick guess how her ostrich-like
decisions sat with me.
|
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The
consequence of Judy's aversion to controversy was that HSDS
was allowed to siphon off students who were once loyal to
SSQQ. I estimate we lost 50% of our Swing students due
to Judy's total lack of business judgment. What a
fiasco.
Not
surprisingly, our constant arguments over how best to deal
with this major threat to our business drove us apart.
The problems generated by HSDS literally cost us our
marriage.
Judy and I did our best to work together at the
studio after our divorce in 2001. However I was now
her boss. After
fifteen years of being equals, Judy found it tough to tolerate
being told what to do.
Judy decided it was time to move on in November 2004.
She quit without notice. Considering her vast number
of responsibilities at the time, her decision to leave in
this manner left us in a serious bind. Under those
circumstances, Judy's departure could hardly be described as
amicable."
|
FLYING UNDER THE RADAR |
Flying under the
radar |
"Did anyone else get married in
the Nineties or was it
just the Instructors?"
"This turns out to be an awkward question
for me. The answer is that I think lots of people got married
at the studio, but quite a few people eluded
detection.
I called this phenomenon "Flying Under the Radar".
Most of the SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance
from the Nineties would have to be summed it up this way -
If I
can't find your picture on the Halloween Poster or a Sock Hop
poster during the Nineties, you don't exist.
Nor was getting your picture taken any guarantee. Three parties were photographed a year, 100 pictures each,
10 years in the decade. 3,000 pictures makes it
tough to look through and make sense of it all.
Let's face it,
the Nineties were a largely undocumented era. There were a lot
of marriages that may not be found. Here are some of
pictures I was able to spot.
(By the way, Readers, please feel free
to contribute any information on missing marriages.
dance@ssqq.com)
|
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HERE ARE SOME OF THE SSQQ MARRIAGES IN THE NINETIES |
Linda Wade and Jon Monteith, 1992 |
Who will be the next Nineties
marriage to appear out of nowhere? |
Virginia and Gareld McEathron, 1994 |
Jan and Steve (last name?), 1994 ?? |
Gina and Mike Dorman, 1998 |
Bill Stumph and Diane Huber, 1992 |
John Sarabia and Danee Hamilton, 1989 |
Stacy - Ms Raisin Dance - Steve (last
name??), 1993 |
His name is Peter. Her
name is Patty. 1992?? |
Barbara and Jim Hordern, 1992 |
Chuck & Mystery Lady. Chuck was engaged to this lady, then changed his mind.
He later married Stephanie on the right. |
And this is Stephanie. No
picture exists of
Stephanie and Chuck together. 1997? |
Unknown Mystery Couple 1992 |
Mike and Donna Maresh, 1996 |
Don't know their name or year.
And the one he is married to
isn't
the one he is the most attracted to in this picture
either. |
This lovely couple only made it
through a couple years.
Too bad, I really liked them both. |
1990, John Goode and Pam Thomas |
1990, John Goode and Pam Thomas |
The Beautiful Couple.
No one got their name. |
Brokeback Mountain.
They are actually both quite straight, but I couldn't
resist. |
Flying Under the Radar
Continued...
How many couples have their picture up
there? I count 15. Fifteen couples in ten years?
That is an average of a little more than one couple per
year.
C'mon, in 2005 we had 15 couples get married in one
year alone!! So you can't expect me to believe the
fifteen
couples up there are the only ones who met at the studio and
got married in the Nineties.
I bet there are 30 more couples from the Nineties I will never know about.
A lot of couples flew under the the Radar in
those days!
There is no other way to describe the Nineties other than it all boiled down to whether a couple got
their picture taken or not. My entire memory is locked
into pictures.
If you weren't on the SSQQ
Staff or didn't get your picture taken at a Halloween Party, you did not exist.
Much of the 1990s Slow Dance and Romance scene remains
undocumented to this day."
THE STEALTH
MARRIAGES FROM THE NINETIES BEGIN TO SURFACE!
|
August 2007 Update from Rick
Archer.
Since the Matchmaker Article was originally
published in January 2006, eight couples from the
Nineties that
once flew under the radar have surfaced.
-
Judy Horton and Scott
Lee (Eighties)
-
Stuart and
Dianne Raef (Nineties)
-
John and
Danee Sarabia (Eighties)
- Chris and
Karen
Whitaker (Nineties)
- Kelly Keiser and Sandy
Butcher (Nineties)
-
Bob & Sharon Manning
(Nineties)
-
Mary Collins and Mike Moore (Nineties)
-
Carl Gray and Mira Frosolono
-
Jon Monteith and Linda Wade
Judy and Scott's story is included in the previous
Chapter -
click here
The other stories are covered
below.
|
Stuart and Dianne Raef
"Rick, what makes you so sure
there were other people getting married during the
Nineties that you
didn't know about?"
 |
"Funny you should ask that.
When I contend that a lot of couples flew under the
radar during the Nineties, the story of Stuart Raef and his lovely wife
Dianne serves as a perfect example of what I
mean
I knew Stuart because he dated Linda Rooks,
one of my instructors, for a while. But I did
not know him very well. I have a hunch I
met Dianne at the studio, but I didn't get to know
her. Dianne's picture was familiar.
Stuart and Dianne got married in
1997, but I never heard a thing about it. Even
though this couple had very strong SSQQ connections,
I remained completely in the dark until Dianne wrote
me in 2006.
At this point we struck up a conversation and I
learned the entire story.
|
-----Original Message-----
From: Stuart and Dianne Raef
Sent: Thursday, October 19, 2006 6:12 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: dance step instructions
Rick, I am Dianne Raef and my hubby, Stuart Raef, and I
took dance lessons from you for several years, back in
the 90's….in fact that is where we continued our
romancing until we decided to make our last name's the
same….in 1997…since then we have retired and moved to
the country….we are trying to help some friends learn a
few dance steps but neither of us can find any of the
handouts from the two steps and waltz lessons we took.
Would you mind sharing those with us?..we think we have
most of them correct but thought it would be great to
check them out to see if we are helping or hurting our
friends…thanks so much….
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 10:41 AM
To: Stuart Raef
Subject: RE: dance step instructions
I doubt seriously the syllabus from these two classes
will do much good, Diane, but you are more than welcome
to them.
Your name is very familiar to me, Diane. Did you and
Stuart meet at the studio or just enjoy your courtship
there?
The truth of the
matter is that I did not recognize the name at all. I
was just fishing. Fortunately Dianne helped me out.
From: Stuart and
Dianne Raef
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 12:21 PM
Subject: slow dance and romance dance step
instructions
You are a sweetheart…thanks so much…we met
dancing at the Long Horn…Stu was with Linda
Decker and and Gareld and Virginia McEathron and
another gal, small blond, that danced a lot with
your studio…Stu was part of the Lindy Hop
group…I enclosed a photo…I am sure You remember stuart more than me…(a little greyer but still
dancing….) thanks again… by the way, my son,
Tony Lazarine, has taken Salsa from you a couple
of times too…great place to learn and meet
folks….
Gareld and Virginia? You
have to be kidding. I know both of them well
because we have shared a half-dozen cruises together.
|
|
I remembered that Virginia and
Gareld were dating about this same time before
getting married. Gosh, why didn't Virginia or
Gareld ever tell me about this couple?
While I was puzzling over my ignorance, I looked at
the picture Dianne had sent. Once I saw the picture,
I remembered Stuart immediately. Like a lot of
people, he was a big part of the studio Western
group for a couple years. Then one day he
stopped coming and I was so out of it I never even
noticed.
|
 |
A couple
minutes later I got a second email from Dianne
-----Original
Message-----
From: Stuart and Dianne Raef
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 12:51 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: dance step instructions
It was Linda Rooks…and Kaye Reed that we
knew…finally remembered….
Kaye
Reed? She was a big part of the studio in the
Nineties. I knew her well. Kaye was
easily one of the top three female Western dancers
and a friend of mine as well. I had to ask
myself why the heck didn't Kaye tell me about Dianne and
Stuart?
This was getting ridiculous.
|
The straw that broke the camel's back was when
Dianne named Linda Rooks. Now I was
really frustrated at my ignorance.
I knew Linda had dated Stuart for some time, but
both had moved on amicably.
|
After Stuart and Linda went
their separate ways, a new man
named Rad Decker entered Linda's life.
Linda and Rad were serious about each other from the
word "GO". You could tell they clicked well.
I was happy for Linda. I had known her for
eight years and she was one of my best instructors.
I had the greatest respect for this talented woman.
Linda only had one weakness - she went nuts whenever
a camera appeared. Why I will never know
because I thought she was very attractive. Nevertheless
Linda would panic every time I tried to photograph her.
This Halloween picture on the right is probably the
best picture of Linda I ever took... and that
picture is not exactly a prize winner.
But why didn't Linda, a close friend of mine, bother
to mention Stuart and Dianne's wedding? This
was turning into a mystery.
|
 |
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 1:17 PM
To: Stuart Raef
Subject: RE: dance step instructions
Dianne, now that I see the picture, I remember you both
very well.
Kaye is a longtime friend of mine. You know what,
Dianne, that does it… you and Stu have an SSQQ marriage
unless you talk me out of it.
Look at it from my point of view: I taught Stu to dance.
Stu used dancing to meet you. And many of your friends
during the courtship were SSQQ dancers.
Okay, you didn’t meet in dance class, but those were
SSQQ moves that got things going ;-)
I intend to claim you guys as another SSQQ romance!
-----Original Message-----
From: Stuart and Dianne Raef
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 3:48 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: dance step instructions
I see your point, Rick…the times we had there were great
times…too bad we are so far from there now or we would
return often…we could use some refresher courses….
we have sent many a folk your way since then, but maybe
Stuart and I can sneak by one of these days.
I was frustrated that no one told me about Stuart and Dianne's wedding.
Linda my instructor did not tell me. My friend Kaye Reed
didn't tell me. Gareld and Virginia didn't tell
me. I languished in
the dark.
Actually, it probably isn't a mystery why no one told me. I think I know why no one told me
- back then I wasn't keeping track of weddings. There
was no newsletter and no web site. They didn't know I
cared, so why bother?
This story serves as a perfect example why I am convinced
there are many SSQQ marriages from the Nineties that I will
probably never know about. This was a period in my
life where I just wasn't paying very good attention.
Now that I write this story, I feel tremendous regret.
I wish I had known better. Oh well.
|
John and
Danee Sarabia
While I am at it, here's
another story. John Sarabia and Danee Hamilton
were card-carrying members of the Studebaker Gang.
In fact, Danee even made it to the Bahamas with her
friend Liz Perry on Sharon Crawford's 1988 trip.
John and Danee got married in 1989. And guess what?
I attended their wedding! (you can even see me
in the picture.)
But did I list them
as one of my married couples when I originally wrote
the Matchmaker story in 2006?
Heck no. Like I said, if I didn't have a
picture, I didn't have a brain.
Fortunately one day John and Danee read my
Matchmaker article. They loved the story, but
couldn't imagine how I managed to omit mentioning
them, especially since I was AT THEIR
WEDDING (look in the picture; that's me in
the background).
John was kind enough to send me the
following email:
-----Original
Message-----
From: john sarabia
Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2007 1:15 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Howdy from the Studebaker crowd!
Rick,
Danee and I were looking up some information on
the net and found your website. We spent the
next 2 and a half hours reading about all the
articles and thinking back to the days we spent
with you and SSQQ. Danee is even in a couple of
pictures you have posted of the Bahama trip of
'88. Seeing pictures of you and Diane Head (Archies
"Sugar, Sugar" ) Maureen, Liz Perry,
and Sharon Crawford
brought back memories.
Danee and I initially met at Studebakers as we
were both part of the THE GROUP but didn't know each
other at the time. We then began taking classes
together. You were at our wedding and reception
in Sept of 1989. We pass by the studio from time
to time and we've talked about going back and
taking lessons. So far, our dance has us moving
to a different song.
Love and Marriage is a dance, Rick, but a dance
within a dance. We wish you all the best. Who
knows we may surprise you and pop in on you one
day.
God Bless, John and Danee Sarabia
So here we have
another couple who was once a big part
of the studio who flew under the radar because I
simply didn't keep track in those days. Now I
wish I had!
However the nice thing is that I can continue to
update and add to my story as more information
comes in. The Fourth Generation just
added another marriage!
So my point is this - if I left you out on the first
run (2006) and the second run (2007), there is still
plenty of time. If you want to be added to the
story, email me some pictures and add whatever
details you wish.
In this regard, I am grateful to Danee and John for
helping to make my story even more complete.
Thank you to both of you!
|
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|
Chris and
Karen Whitaker
|
On Saturday, July 28, 2007, I was
scheduled to teach a Western Crash Course on
Synchronized Polka. There was a couple in my
class that seemed very familiar. I stared at
them a little too long and they noticed. They
smiled back at me and walked over to say hi.
That's is when Chris and Karen Whitaker
reintroduced themselves to me. They told me
they met in my Western class back in the early
Nineties. They took lessons for a year or so,
then disappeared to get married and start a family.
'Marriage is the death of dance'...
Now fifteen years later Chris and Karen had a
free evening. So they decided to drop by, say
hello, and see if their Polka still worked.
There was a little rust, but they did great.
Dancing is just like riding a bicycle!
|
 |
|
Kelly Keiser
and Sandy Butcher
-----Original Message-----
From: Kelly Keiser
Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 1:22 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: 90s Wedding
Dear Rick,
Thanks for all the fond memories... dancing at
Studebaker's, 4th of July and Halloween costumes,
etc. After years of
volunteering in beginning classes, when I met Sandy
in September, 1990 at a Wednesday night practice,
the room blurred around her.
I could see no one else in the room. We
married a year later!
We are now retiring to be with our Grandson and
watch the construction of our new home in Schertz,
just North of San Antonio. Although we will now have
the time to resume dancing, unfortunately it will
not be here in Bellaire with SSQQ.
Best Wishes,
Kelly Keiser and Sandy
(Butcher) Keiser
|
Bob and
Sharon Manning
-----Original Message-----
From: Bob Manning
Sent: Saturday, August 25, 2007 9:00 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Matchmaker Article
Hi Rick and the Gang,
I was on your website because Sharon and I are
looking to take some more dance lessons. I was
looking at your “Romance” section and noticed
the weddings only went back to 1999.
Sharon and I met taking Jitterbug/Swing classes
at SSQQ in 1991 and got married in 1994. Your
organization has a formula for romance. We
stopped taking lessons because of the distance
to the studio (and we got busy, the sun was in
our eyes, we tripped on a rock, …). We hope to
start and see all of you again soon.
Bob & Sharon Manning – SSQQ Students 1991-1994
|
 |
-----Original
Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Monday, August 27, 2007 10:49 AM
To: Bob Manning
Subject: RE: Matchmaker
Gosh, your names are familiar. Hmm.
Your romance falls into the era I refer to as 'Flying
under the Radar'.
Unless I took a picture at one of the dance
parties that prompts my memory, the Nineties are
now a complete and total blur.
You see, in the
Eighties I taught all the classes and I knew
everyone. But in the Nineties when the studio
expanded to five rooms, I couldn't keep track of
everyone's story any longer. Believe
me when I say I am filled with a lot of regret
about this period in the studio's history!
I will add your story to the Matchmaker Saga
immediately. In the meantime, I am very grateful
that you have shared your story with me.
Feel
free to add any more information.
Thank you! Rick
|
Mary
Collins and Mike Moore
In October 2007, as I
entered the studio I was greeted by a
familiar face. My wonderful friend
Mary Collins... now Mary Moore... was at the
studio to take a dance lesson.
Mary Collins was my assistant in
Western classes for about two years in the
late Nineties. I believe she met her
husband Mike while dancing at a Western
club. He took several lessons
here at the studio during their courtship
period. Not only was Mary a great
assistant, she was also my friend. I was
very happy for her when she married Mike in
November 1998.
However, as I feared, like many
couples Mike and Mary faded into the sunset
not long after they got married. As I
have said repeatedly, marriage is such a big
step that people's priorities and lifestyles
go through radical changes.
So it was quite a surprise after nine
years to see Mary's smile again as I entered
the studio. Apparently Mike's
grown daughter by a previous marriage wanted
to learn some Western dancing, so Mike and
Mary not only signed Melissa up at the studio,
they came along with her!
|
 |
Guess what was the
first thing I did when I saw Mike and Mary?
I took their picture, of course! These
guys are SSQQ celebrities after all.
So how did Mary (Collins) Moore manage to
fly under the radar when I knew her so well?
Mary's wedding
doesn't completely qualify as a marriage
that escaped my attention. I have her
marriage listed in two previous places on
this page. What I didn't have,
however, were any pictures! Even
though Mary was a mainstay at the studio for
several years, I guess she wasn't a
Halloween person. I could not find a
picture of her to save my soul.
However, Mary's wedding to Mike did have a special
distinction. I mentioned her upcoming
wedding as part of the first
SSQQ Newsletter
I ever published at the end of 1998.
And now I get to add their picture to the
story. Welcome back!
|
|
Carl Gray and Mira Frosolono
From: Carl
Gray
Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2009 11:01 AM
To: 'dance@ssqq.com'
Subject: Is there going to be a party this
weekend at the studio?
Mira and I will be traveling to Houston this
weekend and was wondering if there was going to be a
party (practice night) this Saturday, May 21, 2009?
From:
Rick Archer
Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2009 11:40 AM
To: Carl Gray
Subject: RE: Is there going to be a party this
weekend at the studio?
Good to hear from you, Carl. Unfortunately, we
are winding down for a week's vacation so nothing is
going on. Wild West is where everyone plans to hang
out.
My memory is super-fuzzy. I have forgotten Mira's
last name. plus I can't remember when you guys got
married? Didn't you move to Arkansas? Help me out!
From:
Carl Gray
Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2009 12:00 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Is there going to be a party
this weekend at the studio?
Mira’s last name is Frosolono (she kept it after we
got married).
We met at the studio (per Mira) in 1992, when you
had me go dance with her at one of the parties. (This
is what Mira tells me happened. I do
not remember that, so many women so little time).
But, I do remember her coming across the floor at
the Rose on Richmond in a little black mini skirt
and asking me to dance (selective memory).
I moved to Arkansas in
1993 and got married in 1996.
Where is the Wild West these days?
Maybe, we will go there a do a little dancing.
BTW, Rick, you are the
reason I stuck with dancing. I had just about given
up on learning the pretzel, and was going to quit.
But, since I had already paid for the class, and
only had one more class to go. I went to it
anyway, I could just hide in the back. Then you
made me dance with you to demonstrate the move to
the class! And guess what? I got it (with a lot of
back leading from you).
Have not stopped dancing since. Even after I
shattered my heel working
around the house (almost lost my foot). Long story.
Glad to hear from you, miss the SSQQ!
Carl and Mira
RICK ARCHER'S NOTE: As
you can read for yourself, Carl and Mira met at SSQQ
in the early Nineties. A year later, they
moved to Arkansas. In 1996, they got married.
Their marriage occurred about as far under the radar
as possible. When they got married, Carl and
Mira had been gone from the studio for three years
and were living in another state. Their story
is just another example of why I say the true number
of SSQQ marriages will always be under-reported.
I suspect there are many other couples like Carl and
Mira out there with similar stories.
The
|
Jon Monteith
and Linda Wade
Rick Archer's Note: On
Wednesday, March 4, 2009, I got this email from my
wife Marla
From: Marla
Sent: Wednesday, March 04, 2009 9:36 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: 2 New Names for Barcelona
Jon Monteith
Linda Wade
My eyes grew wide.
I had not heard from these two for over
twenty years! And now they had
just signed up for the 2009 Barcelona
Cruise. Cool!
I first met Jon
Monteith back around 1981. Jon was
instrumental in helping me put an emerging
new dance -
Western Swing - into a format that
would make it easier to teach. During
a four-month stretch, Jon and a lady named
Belinda would frequently meet with me on
Saturday mornings at the studio to share new
patterns and figure out how to lead them.
I immediately dashed
off an email to Jon.
|
 |
On Mar 6,
2009, at 3:08 PM, "Rick
Archer" wrote:
Hi
Jon and Linda! Welcome
aboard!
Gosh, you guys go all
the way back to the very
start of the Eighties.
I didn't even realize
you got married! I
knew you were dating,
but… you know… I can't
keep track of
everything.
I am really happy I will
get to see you again! Do
you guys dance much
these days?
From: Jon Monteith
Sent: Saturday, March 07,
2009 8:26 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: 2 New Names for
Barcelona
We
got married in
1992.
Still dance on
occasion.
These
days I am mostly
into very long distance
bicycle riding. We are
looking forward to the
trip. It will be
good to see
you
again
On Mar
8, 2009, at 10:03 AM, "Rick
Archer" wrote:
1992! When did you
guys meet? Wasn't it
sometime around 1982?
No wonder I had no idea
you got married!
-----Original Message-----
From: Jon Monteith
Sent: Sunday, March 08, 2009
11:16 AM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: 2 New
Names for Barcelona
Linda
and I met in 1987. But
if you remember, I
started taking lessons
with you earlier with
Belinda Holley.
|
Well, there was my answer. I remember
that Linda and Jon were dating in the
Eighties. In fact, I ran across a
picture of them at the 1989 Halloween Party
just the other day.
Like many couples, as their relationship
deepened, their interest in dancing faded
into the background. That's when Jon
and Linda moved onto other things. As
I have said repeatedly, "Marriage is the
Death of Dance."
Let me add, Jon and Linda's 1992 wedding is
another classic "Flying Under the Radar"
SSQQ Marriage from the Nineties. I
first wrote the story about my problem
keeping track of Nineties Weddings back in
2006. When I found out about Jon and
Linda in 2009, that meant nine couples had
resurfaced in the space of just three years
to fill me in on the news. That makes
me pretty happy!
By the way, I would again like to credit
Marla for her work with the SSQQ Cruise
Trips. In 2009, we had 15 SSQQ Wedding
couples join our two cruises for the year.
That is quite a number! On the
Barcelona Trip alone, we had 9 SSQQ wedding
couples. Jon and Linda, of course,
were one of the nine couples. I was so
impressed by the number of SSQQ Wedding
Couples aboard our cruises that I wrote this
about Marla and her work.
Back in the old days
of SSQQ, people would marry and drift
away. These couples might make an
occasional reappearance at the Halloween
Party, but by and large they were gone
for good. It hurt at first because these
people invariably had become my friends
as well as students. However the same
thing kept happening again and again, so
eventually I had no choice but to grow
philosophical about this development. I
didn't like it, but I learned to accept
it. Their priorities had changed and
importance of dancing in their lives had
diminished.
That phenomenon has changed quite a bit
here in the 2000s. The nice thing about
the SSQQ cruises is they give SSQQ
wedding couples a pretty neat way to
stick around after the ceremony. These
days, SSQQ wedding couples discover our
cruises give them a way to hang with the
studio and have fun in the process.
Whether dancing is still important or
not, everyone enjoys taking trips with a
great group of people.
I might add, to their surprise, once
they are here they frequently discover
dancing is still fun! Marriage
might be the Death of Dance, but Cruises
bring Dance back to Life!
That's a new phrase, by the way.
|
|
"Do you remember
much at all about SSQQ Romance in the Nineties?"
"Well, one of the best
Romantic Stories in the long history of SSQQ has remained
untold for over fifteen years.
Back in 1993, Gareld McEathron
became the first person to ever propose to his
girlfriend here at the studio. He popped the
question to his girlfriend Virginia right in the
middle of an SSQQ dance class! They got
married about a year later in 1994. To this day, in
the 30 plus year history of the studio, Gareld and
Virginia remain the only SSQQ couple to get engaged
on the studio premises and go on to get married.
This was a very touching
story, but at the time very few people knew what had happened
since there was no newsletter in those days.
As a result, their wonderful story went completely
unreported.
Unfortunately, Gareld and
Virginia's story took place so long ago that I am a
bit fuzzy on the details. I think
I will simply ask Gareld to tell the story himself."
|
 |
 |
Gareld McEathron's
Recollections on Meeting and Marrying
Virginia
|
Virginia and I met at SSQQ with both
arriving via different paths with the same
thoughts of learning to dance.
Virginia worked for MD Anderson Hospital as
a teacher with the responsibility of keeping
children cancer patients up to date with
their studies. One year the hospital
organized a party at Eddie's Country
Ballroom south of Houston. Virginia attended
the party. However,
due to her strict Baptist upbringing, she
did not know how to dance. An instructor
from SSQQ was there and gave beginning
lessons early in the evening. Virginia
enjoyed the experience and decided to take
lessons at SSQQ, which was near her home.
|
I learned to dance at age twelve. I was
shining shoes after school and on Saturdays
in the local barbershop in a small town in
South Dakota. The recently widowed barber
was dating a young lady who was caring for
her sixteen year old sister while her
parents were away. The barber wanted to take
his girlfriend to a dance on Saturday night
but she couldn't leave her sister by
herself. He told me that he would pay our
way if I would escort the sister. She wasn't
too happy to be seen with a twelve year old
as her date but, since there was an
oversupply of young ladies, my "date" spent
much of the evening teaching me to dance.
My family moved to Corpus Christi, Texas,
the next summer.
This put a brief end to my dance career.
I did not get back to dancing until
the middle of my junior year of High School.
At that time, I was a district route manager
for the newspaper and had my own car, a
rarity for a teenager during World War II.
This was during gas rationing and I was
issued "C" ration stamps which should
provide just enough gas to service my
district in addition to the standard "A"
stamp book provided to each vehicle for
personal use (about five gallons per week).
I strapped a bicycle to the front of the car
and would ride it to check that all of the
paperboys had made it out of bed in the
mornings. This, along with an occasional can
of cleaning fluid dumped in the tank, left
me with gas for occasional dates, etc.
However, since I had a car, I had plenty of
requests to double date. My standard reply
was, "I will be happy to take you and your
girlfriend if you can talk your family out
of a five gallon stamp from your family
allotment". This
was great for me. The only problem was
explaining to the rationing board how I
could wear out so many tires on the gas I
was allotted. Things
were a bit different back in those days.
My best friend's girlfriend had taken ballet
lessons as a child and liked to dance. He
only liked Country Western music and didn't
like to dance. When
we double dated to a dance at her
insistence, she and I started working out
jitterbug steps from what we saw on the news
clips at the movies as well as what others
were doing. There
was no such thing as dance lessons; you
watched it and tried to copy it. Then
you stepped on a lot of toes till you
figured it out.
As time went on, I found girlfriends to
dance with. I
seldom missed the Friday night Twix-Teen
dance. When I was dating my first wife,
Ruth, dancing was a big part of our
courtship. The dancing came to an end when
she contacted polio while she was pregnant
with our daughter, Deborah (pregnant women
were nine times more susceptible to polio
than were the general population).
Polio was a huge problem here in America
during the late Forties and throughout the
Fifties.
About the only time I danced for the next
forty years was at occasional parties where
there were wives with husbands that didn't
dance. However, during
most of the last six years I worked,
I had several projects in France. I spent a
good deal of time in the same hotel in the
small town of St. Dizier.
The hotel proprietor and his family
started inviting me to dinner parties in
their home and to local social functions
which frequently involved dancing. I only
remember Waltzing one time as a teen-ager
and could not do so with the French ladies.
None the less, I had a great time with the
swing and foxtrot dances..
I retired at the end of 1991.
Sadly, my first wife
Ruth passed away
the next summer.
My children gave me a certificate to Leisure
Learning for Christmas that
same year.
1993 was my year to try
some new things. The first thing I did with the certificate
was go to a class to become EPA certified to
handle Freon so I could continue to maintain
my car and home air conditioning systems.
The second thing was to go to cooking class.
Ruth had complained to her sister that since
I never cooked, I wouldn't be able to take
care of myself when she was gone. I had
never had a need to learn since Ruth was
such a good cook.
As the oldest child in a family of
working parents, out of
necessity she had become an
accomplished cook by the time we were
married.
The third thing was to go back to
France for a visit during the party
season but this
time I wanted to learn to
Waltz first. Unfortunately, or
fortunately depending on how you
look at it, there were
no Waltz classes offered.
So I delayed going to France
and took Swing,
Tango and Western Polka classes.
In the third month, I took a Rumba
class in which there was an excess
of men. Paula
Stegemeier, the teacher,
recruited women from her previous
classes to come and fill in for the
balance of the month. Virginia was
one of those women.
The next week, Virginia organized a
group to go dancing at the Inn
on the Lake.
I signed up. The Inn turned
out to not have a dance at that time
so the event was cancelled.
However, Virginia
now had my telephone number.
|
 |
About a week later, Virginia called me and
said that there was going to be a birthday
party at Eddie's.
Virginia said that she and her friend
Dee were going.
Virginia invited me to join them. I
offered to drive. I hung up and called my
daughter Deborah
to see if she knew anything about Eddie's.
I also asked if wearing a white shirt
be appropriate attire.
Deborah informed me that my plaid
shirt would be better.
I said "Oh no! That one is not
ironed".
Deborah promptly came over and ironed the
plaid shirt. We went to the dance and stayed
to the end. On the way home, I offered to
stop at a diner and buy breakfast but the
place I knew about was already closed.
Virginia offered to cook breakfast at her
house. Dee said she was tired and wanted to
go home so we dropped her off. When we got
to Virginia's, there were only two eggs in
the refrigerator and some bread for toast,
which was our breakfast.
The next week, I was practicing my newfound
cooking skills. I
invited my daughter, Deborah, to come for
dinner. When
she accepted, I called Virginia on her cell
phone while she was driving home from work
and invited her to stop by for dinner.
I assured
her that my daughter would be
there as
well (in case she felt the need for a
chaperone).
The dinner went well. No one was
poisoned. Deborah
discretely left
after dinner. I
played my WWII Hit Parade CDs so we could
practice our dance steps.
From that beginning,
Virginia and I dated frequently.
We took the time to meet each other's
families. I took Virginia to Dallas to meet
my late wife's sister, Roberta. They
immediately became friends.
Roberta remarked,
"Whew! That takes a load off of me.
Ruth made me promise that I would
find a suitable woman for Gareld and he did
it on his own!"
When I decided that I was going to ask
Virginia to marry me, I asked my children's
opinions. Deborah was quite happy with my
decision. My son Ross said, "Thank God, I
thought you were going to screw around and
let her get away". The
unwavering support from both of our families
has been wonderful.
Virginia had given me a card that said, "I
love you, I need you, I want you". The
envelope was addressed with a bold red "G".
I casually asked where she got the card.
Later I went to the shop and bought
a card identical
to it. Inside,
I wrote in bold, red letters "Will you marry
me?" and put it in her original envelope.
By chance, Paula
was teaching a Rumba class again.
I signed us up to repeat the class.
 |
I
informed many people of my
intentions to propose in the same
class as the one
in which we first met.
To allay Virginia's suspicions when
family members and friends
appeared toward the end of the
class, I told her that
they
were meeting us
to go Country Western
dancing after the class and
that my son
had his video camera to take movies
while we were there.
I arranged with Paula to call
Virginia to the end of the room to
be in camera range. When she
arrived, I pulled the envelope out
of my coat pocket and said to Paula,
"You know we first met in your Rumba
class and I want to show you how far
this relationship has progressed."
Virginia, on recognizing the
envelope, started to protest and
said, "What is going on here?"
I handed Virginia the card and
suggested she read it to Paula. She
was obviously flustered.
When she opened the card and
saw the message her immediate
reaction was to exclaim, "I didn't
write THAT!"
Then it soaked in.
In an instant, I got a big
hug, kiss and a
resounding "YES!"
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"It seems like
Gareld and Virginia didn't need your help. Is it always necessary
for you to be directly involved for the Romances to
flourish? Do you have to be in the picture for
Cupid to operate at SSQQ?"
"Probably not. My
major contribution is maintaining a Fun Playground. The
Birds and the Bees do the rest of the work. I have
very little direct contact with most of the wedding
couples.
As
you can see from my previous story about all the unreported
marriages, obviously the Magic was still there
while I snoozed a decade away. SSQQ
Romance Magic was definitely alive in the Nineties despite my
total ignorance!
I have
another story to prove my point.
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The picture at the right is
from the 1991 Dogpatch Dance Party. His
name is Richard, but I cannot remember the lady's
name for the life of me. They met at SSQQ and
eventually got married. Together they are another
"unreported Nineties Wedding" that flew under the
radar. The only reason I remember them
is because I ran across this picture taken during their
courtship. After their marriage, they
disappeared and I never saw them again. Marriage is the Death of Dance.
I also found a group picture from the
same party.
What makes the group picture so unusual is that I
circled 11
people in this picture who met their husbands or
wives through the studio. That's right, 11 out of
28 people in the picture got married to someone from
SSQQ. That's 40% if you like percentages.
Since I have no statistics to compare this picture to,
maybe I am guilty of over-exaggeration, but isn't
11 out of 28 a ridiculously high number of
marriages?
All 28 people are single. I don't see
one married couple in this picture. Richard
and his pretty girlfriend are the only two people
who got married 'within' the group picture.
The other 9 people circled in this picture would
eventually meet someone else at SSQQ
who was not present in this picture.
This Dogpatch
Picture represents 10 SSQQ Marriages.
Romance was obviously alive and well at SSQQ during
the Nineties.
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Another aspect that makes this
Dogpatch picture
unusual is I only know the names of 14 people out of 28.
In the 1990s, the studio had grown so big, I barely knew
half the people at my own dance party. I knew them by
face only.
This picture pretty much says it all -
There was plenty of SSQQ Slow Dance
and Romance Magic in the 1990s, but since I wasn't really
counting or writing down names, a lot of it flew under
my Radar. Obviously I did not have to be directly
involved for Love to flourish. I think Dancing as
always was the real ice breaker. Dance is a direct
road to Romance."
"Flying Under the Radar. Doesn't that
make it a little difficult to write a story about SSQQ
Romance in the 90s?"
"Tell me about it! Back when I was
'Leader of the Pack' I knew everyone's name and everyone's
story. Now that I had become CEO of Houston's largest
dance studio, I was lucky if I knew 30% of the names of the
people who took classes. It wasn't until Daryl
Armstrong started using name tags during dance classes in
the late Nineties that I started to learn names again.
As the studio grew, in a large way, the studio became more
impersonal. There was no real 'Center'. If I
wasn't in the mood to get the party started, our guests
would often drift around rudderless like any bar crowd.
The people would search for someone cute to dance with, but
leave the moment they decided the pickings were slim.
In other words, people didn't get to know each other like
they used to. 'Anonymity' might be the ugly word to
best describe the problem. Some of the homey
feel had disappeared.
Whereas back in the Eighties there had once been a single 'In-Crowd', now the
studio had 'The Staff' and 'Various Students Hanging Around'.
Just as a simple example, let me analyze this 1994 picture.
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There are four instructors in the picture
- Larry Carlton on the left
with his hand on Kaye Reed's shoulder. Debbie
Reynolds is smiling the very center of the picture (Debbie was one of
my three most important instructors during the Nineties). That is
Instructor Tony Graham at the bottom plus his new wife Trina
in red on the far right. They had just gotten married.
So four members of the picture were SSQQ Staff. A
fifth person
was a wife and the other -
Kaye - was an off-and-on member of what little In-Crowd we
had.
In this picture is a Third Generation couple Chuck and
Laurie Gray
and his wife Laurie (standing next to Trina with Chuck peeking
in).
Chuck had dropped in because Laurie wanted him to take her
dancing. He and Laurie came to the studio partly to
dance and partly to see their old friends. This was
the party where Chuck came up to me and
wondered where all the 'Old Gang' was. Remember that
story from the previous chapter? I had to explain to Chuck
how the old crowd had moved on. Once Chuck and Laurie
realized they would never see their old friends at SSQQ, one
of their major incentives to return was removed. That was 1993. I
think they came to a 1994 Halloween Party, but I haven't seen Chuck or Laurie
at a party since.
The other six people are 'faces in the crowd' as far as I am
concerned. I don't remember their names. Thirteen
people; I know about half of them because they worked for me. In some ways, the
studio had grown too big for its own good. The studio was
struggling for a new identity.
To be more honest, SSQQ was struggling for a Leader in the
early and mid-Nineties."
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"What did you do about
SSQQ's 'Identity Crisis'?"
"To be frank, I let
the social side of the studio drift. I was
suffering from my own 'Marriage is the Death of
Dance' burnout.
'Leader of the Pack' is a difficult role to sustain
day in and day out for a lifetime. Don't forget my
official job title was 'dance teacher', not 'social
director'. I did my social director thing
because I wanted to, not because I was paid to.
At this point, I was busy raising a child now. And my
wife Judy did not enjoy socializing in our free time.
So I did the 'Family Thing'. We did things as
a family which cut down my time at the studio. Increasingly I left the singles to find their own
happiness.
In my defense, every time one of my instructors got
married, they either resigned or trimmed their own 'Life
of the Party' roles back to the bare minimum.
History has shown that once you become a 'Double',
it is hard to maintain your wild and crazy 'Single'
persona. Once people get into
relationships, they settle down.
For example, as I write this story in 2006 I am
thinking of three guys who love to go on our dance cruises.
At different times in previous years, they were
definitely the Wild Men on the cruises. They
did all sorts of crazy things to generate energy and
have fun.
But the moment each man got into a relationship, on the
next cruise they
were so tame and well-behaved you had to blink to
make sure it was the same guy.
It is tough to be a Singles Leader when you are in a
Relationship.
During the Nineties I admit I
felt guilty about neglecting the social side of the
studio. I hated the dilemma I faced - whenever
I pursued my own happiness in a relationship, the
studio drifted. Whenever I was lonely, I turned to
the Group for companionship and immediately the studio
prospered.
Take the Misery side of the dilemma. In 1986,
I channeled my misery after my divorce from Pat
into the
201 Nights of Dancing
story. The
energy I created during that strange year
transformed SSQQ into a supernova. The studio
was so hot in 1997 that the effects of the Streak could still
be seen in the Studebaker Year of 1988. I was
miserable; the studio did great.
Then came my 1991-1995 Married With Kid years.
No Saturday Night dancing in the clubs for me.
On a Saturday Night, I took my family to the movies.
Titanic, Jurassic Park,
and the Fugitive took precedent over
the Longhorn and Melody Lane. During the week, I showed up at the studio, taught classes and went
home.
The energy at the studio dwindled.
The classes got smaller. Practice Night
tapered off. 5 years of neglecting my business
took its huge toll.
Is there ever a happy medium? We will debate
that later."
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"Didn't you do anything?
You didn't lift a finger to help with the Social Side?"
"Unfortunately people don't have the luxury of knowing the effects
of their decisions until it's too late.
I knew I was taking a gamble getting married back in 1990. I had enough
experience to know the worse my love life was, the happier my
studio was. The cynic in me believed that seeking happiness was bad for the studio.
On the other hand, this lonely stuff gets old. I hoped
that maybe having a large Staff
would mean the social side of the studio could flourish
without me.
And I suppose most people would agree I had a right to have
a family. I had a right to take a couple nights a week
off from the studio. I had a right to think my staff
could do just as good a job as I could. Unfortunately
I had to find out the hard way that I am the heart of the
studio. No one ever seemed to get the party started
when I wasn't around.
One of the new developments - perhaps good, perhaps bad -
was that now I ran all the social activities at the studio
which I began to call 'Fort SSQQ'.
My days of dancing
in the 'Real World' as I called it were few and far between. People would say, 'Gosh, Rick, there's a big dance contest
this weekend at Melody Lane. So and so is competing!! Let's go
cheer for him!"
Out of guilt maybe I showed up for the dance contest on a Saturday
night. I had worked the night before at the Friday
Night SSQQ Practice. Saturday was my night off, but
here I was watching people dance. Sunday was my
toughest day of the week with five hours of classes and
practice. Going to that Saturday contest on what should have
been my night off would practically ruin me for Sunday!
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Now
look at it from my students point of view. Good things
happened when I showed up. The first thing that
happened would be my Pied Piper duty of rounding everyone
up. You see, there were always little pockets of SSQQ
people all over the room, but they didn't know each other so
they didn't sit together. Once I showed up, all the
little pockets of people would come join me where I sat.
They would be happy to see me because I was their leader and
they recognized me. Suddenly little groups of one,
two, or three people became two tables of thirty people!
Once I got my tables organized, I would begin my social
butterfly duties. I would ask students to dance with
me or I might ask someone to go dance with a beginner. I would greet
new people when they got there and invite them to sit with
us, then I would introduce the newcomers to
some interesting people who in turn would look out for them
and continue the introductions. Within the safe
haven of our group, people would be less shy about
introducing themselves. Pretty soon conversations
would develop between strangers because they had something
in common - dancing at SSQQ. Pretty soon they would
ask each other to dance and the ice was broken.
At this point a group spirit would develop for the evening.
I had done my job of getting the party started.
I had made a contribution, but I wore myself out in the process. I would definitely be exhausted the next day
from four hours of dancing. While they could goof off
the next day if they were tired, I had my longest day of the
week on Sunday. Good for the studio, bad
for Rick. I suppose I shouldn't admit this, but
I don't enjoy watching dance contests. Dance Contests
may be entertaining for my students and I understand their
interest, but from my point of view who wants to
watch dancing on their day off? Or maybe I would be
aggravated because I never think dance contests are fair.
I rarely had much fun at the dance contests.
So I would skip the next contest. My little pockets of
students stayed scattered throughout the evening. Left
with no main SSQQ group to attach themselves to, they
intermingled with people from other dance studios. The
following week I would discover
half a dozen students went to the contest and someone
recruited them to take classes from someone
else.
So there was no Win-Win for me. It was always a trade-off. It
usually boiled down to
whether I was single or in a relationship. If I was single,
I didn't mind going to contests as much because it was a way to hang with the Gang.
But if I was
married or in a relationship, I usually preferred to skip the event
only to fret as my business would suffer. Obviously
being single was better for the studio, but it meant I would
be lonely.
Throughout the Eighties when I was usually single, the
studio thrived. Throughout the Nineties when I was
married, the energy at the studio dropped perceptibly.
Throughout my marriage in the 90s, my attitude was, 'I am
married. I will not be Leader of the Pack on my day
off'. And sure enough, I had to learn the hard way my
business suffered.
I am
certain politicians, religious leaders and lots of other
professionals who work with large groups of people have
similar trade-offs. Doing what you want to do is fun,
being where the people are is good for business but maybe
not so fun. So you try to find a balance.
I think there was something to be said for the good old days
when we had ski trips, Bahama Mama trips, volleyball
parties, Charades, Jigsaw Puzzle Parties, Hill Country trips, and
so on. Of course we had the major dances at the
studio, but we also did a lot of things outside the studio
which helped our group establish its spirit.
But my attempts in the early 90s to recreate those earlier
years were met with failure. The studio had grown so
big that intimate events like a Charades Party just didn't
get off the ground.
One time in the early Nineties I scheduled a Trivial Pursuits
on a free Saturday night. We had maybe a dozen people
show up. Attendance in dance classes that month was
around 1,000. 12 people out of 1,000... not very good.
In the old days of the Third Generation when we were a
close-knit group, we would get 40 people out of a student
body of perhaps 200 for a Charades Party because that's
where the action was.
You get my point. Social Groups are not like faucets. You
cannot just turn them on and off.
The momentum has to be
built one step of the way. In 1980 I got it
going with Urban Cowboy, stoked
the fires with the Winchester Club, super-charged it
with 201 Nights of Dancing, and kept the energy going with Studebakers,
the Bahamas, Banff, the Halloween Party and the Sleazy Bar Party right
through to the end of the decade.
Now in the mid-90s, there was no In-Crowd.
There was no Core Group. Even the instructors
weren't that close. SSQQ was no longer
a Singles Club. It had grown so big that it was only a
business now. The social side was barely
flickering.
The first half of the
90s was not a strong period for the studio.
The rap music of the day killed interest in Whip
dancing. Western dancing had been strong for a
long time, but it was hitting a lull. Salsa
dancing had not come along yet. Swing Dancing
had Studebakers in its rear view mirror.
Ballroom dancing was non-existent.
After Judy finished paying every bill at the end of
December, we
finished 1995 with $300 in the SSQQ checking account.
Obviously the studio was stuck
in a big muddy rut.
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In our
next Chapter, we learn how SSQQ got the energy going
again. Read
Comeback Kids
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