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MYSTERY OF THE
TEXAS TWOSTEP
CHAPTER EIGHTY FOUR:
RIDDLE OF THE DOUBLE TURNS
Written by Rick
Archer
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LIMBO MONTH SIXTEEN
OCTOBER 1980
BAFFLED
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The Riddle
of the Double Turns is a story that has aggravated me my
entire life.
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In late August, Bob and I witnessed a Western
dance couple use the Double Turn pattern at the
San Antone Rose. The two of us watched in awe
as the man spun his partner with the Double Turn while they
traveled around the dance floor. This demonstration
eliminated any doubt that Disco-style double turns could be
incorporated into Western dancing. All we had to do
was figure out how the turns fit the Twostep rhythm and we were good to go.
A unit of
Twostep is four steps using
the Slow-Slow-Quick-Quick rhythm.
In a
Double Turn, the lady does two
360
degree
counter-clockwise revolutions in a row. Using those
four steps, she does four half turns.
Men love to watch a girl turn. The Double
Turn is eye-catching because centrifugal
force makes the lady's
dress flare up while her hair flies in every direction.
Double Turns have always been a crowd pleaser. Back in the days when I would double-turn Joanne to Disco
music, men
would smile at the vision of Joanne's beautiful
long
legs thanks to the powerful whirling motion that caused her
skirt to rise. More recently Isabella gave a similar
thrill to the crowd when I turned her at Club Tropicana
in Acapulco. Even her bodyguards seemed to appreciate
the vision. After all, it was their job to keep a
close eye on her. Did I detect a smile?
The Double
Turns were important. I saw them as a career-saving gift. I based this not just
on my own instincts, but from the rabid response of my
dance students. They pleaded fervently that I teach them how to add this
eye-catching
pattern to their dance repertoire. Given that the
response to my Intermediate-level Western class had been
distinctly underwhelming all year long, Double Turns were
the perfect solution to my problem. So I placated my
students by
promising to teach the turns starting in October.
My students were instantly excited. They went and told their friends. And what
did their friends do? They passed it on to someone
else. The excitement grew quickly.
Rick Archer has promised to be the first person in
Houston to teach Double Turns in October!
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Here we go with the gambles
again. This was the fourth time I had
committed myself to teaching Western moves before I knew
what I was doing. Meyerland Club September 1979,
Fright Night class November 1979, Intermediate
Western January 1980. And now my latest
gamble, the Double Turns in October 1980. Knowing how handsomely the
previous three gambles had paid off, I expected to deliver
again. In the past, I
had worried deeply about committing to any
risk, but this time I was rather blasé about it. After all, I led a charmed life. Since I always came through in the clutch, what was
the risk? I already knew how to Double Turn a girl to Disco music, so how hard could
this problem be to figure out?
So here we go again. I staked
my reputation without knowing what I was getting into.
In retrospect, I should have
heeded my
early warning signals. Back in Acapulco over Labor
Day, we had some time on
our hands Saturday morning. Bob and I spent
an hour trying to solve the puzzle. No luck. We
blamed our failure on the lack of a woman to
practice with. Strike One.
One week later, Bob's
girlfriend Leanne was with us at the Rose.
I suggested we try again to figure out how the
Double Turns worked. Moving over to a remote corner, I
attempted to Double Turn Leanne while Bob called out the
Twostep Mantra 'Slow Slow Quick Quick'. It
didn't work. I tried three more times, but got
nowhere.
Bob said, "Okay, my turn. Let me try."
Bob turned Leanne while I called out 'Slow Slow
Quick Quick'. Bob didn't do any better.
As before, the move didn't hit the rhythm in any sensible
way.
Bob stepped back. "That's weird. I wonder what
we are doing wrong?"
About that time, one my lady students came over to ask me to
dance. Guess who? Ammonia. The last thing
I wanted was let Ammonia see how utterly perplexed I was,
so I broke it off and led her to the dance floor.
Afterwards, Bob and I talked it over. We both agreed
it was odd that neither of us had managed to figure out how the
turns worked. Strike Two.
I said,
"Well, we only gave it ten minutes. I'm sure if we put
our minds to it, we could figure it out. Maybe we were
tired."
"Or maybe we
weren't drunk enough," Bob replied.
"Yeah, that must be it. We were too sober to be
creative. It doesn't matter, we have all of September
to tackle it again."
Down two strikes, here came the big surprise. Just when Bob and I were preparing to work on
the Double Turn Riddle again, Lance
Stevens chose to evict me.
With my dance program in crisis, I had no choice but put
out the fire.
The disruption caused by my eviction forced me to put the
Double Turn Riddle on the backburner.
September came and went without a solution. Strike
Three. Uh oh.
However, I decided it was a Foul Tip, not Strike Three.
After all, I had a really good excuse. Once
I explained how Eviction and Exodus had interrupted my
plans, I promised to teach the Double Turns in November.
They were so happy about the move, they were quick to
forgive. As for me, I wasn't
worried. I was in such a good mood after our
move to Dance Arts, I figured I was on a roll.
Plus I
had the entire month of October to figure it out.
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My dance students and I spent the first two weeks of October adjusting to our new
environment. Once we were firmly established at our
new location,
my students resumed the subject of my Double Turn promise.
I still wasn't worried.
Despite the fact my two previous experiments had failed, I comforted myself with the knowledge
that I never gave it my best effort. Since
I could Double Turn a woman in my sleep to Disco music, how hard
could the move be?
With every guy
and his girlfriend bugging me about the turns, I
renewed my pledge and promised to teach a
Double
Turn class in November. This
is what they wanted to
hear. The new Double Turn class would start
on Monday, November 3rd. That gave me two whole weeks to
prepare.
Now it was up to me to deliver on my promise.
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Bad news.
Life kept getting in the
way. Just as I was preparing to solve the Riddle of the Double
Turn in mid-October, Victoria fell to pieces after receiving the news that Charlotte
was dying due to a fast-acting cancer. Preoccupied with Victoria's crisis,
I took my eye off the
ball and allowed the precious October 18 Saturday to come and go without working on the mystery. Now
I was starting to get worried. Knowing how
procrastination had been my downfall in the past,
I told
myself I would visit the clubs next week and figure it
out.
On
Monday, October 20, I visited Cowboy
without seeing a single couple demonstrate the
Double Turns. This was not unusual. Here
is how it worked. Whenever someone invented a
new move, people would see it and copy it. So
far the Double Turns had not caught on yet.
There were at best a handful of people in Houston
who knew what the secret was.
On Tuesday, October 21, I went to the
San Antone Rose
after class
for another scouting mission. I stood by
the railing looking for glimpses of the Double Turn as the
dancers passed by. I had been there for half an hour getting nowhere. After a while, my friend Chuck came up and stood beside me.
"Watcha doin',
Rick? Are you trying to figure out those double turns?
I am really looking forward to your class in November."
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I said hello, but nothing further. It irritated
me no end that Chuck guessed what I was doing. Nor was
Chuck the only one who knew I was struggling. It was
an open secret among my friends that I had not
solved the Riddle of the Double Turns. Now Chuck was
joined by Doug at the railing.
Chuck said, "Doug, you have to be very quiet. The
Master is busy scouting the Double Turns so I can become
God's gift to women."
Doug rolled his eyes. "Chuck, you are already
God's gift to women, but I could use a shot in the arm.
Rick, how do you
think those turns work? Can you show us something?"
About this time, Ammonia spotted me from the dance floor.
As she and her partner passed by, she exclaimed, "Yoo hoo,
Rickie, don't forget to save me a dance!"
Oh great, now I had Ammonia to deal with.
I was
losing my mind with frustration. For some reason, I
could not figure out how the Double Turns fit the Slow-Slow-Quick-Quick rhythm of Twostep. If I
could just get a clear look as someone did it, I might get a clue. But
not with so many people bothering me. I wanted to scream. "Will you
people leave me alone
and let me concentrate?!?"
I
gave my scouting mission at the Rose well over
an hour, but never came close to a solution. There
were only two couples who knew the secret, but the floor was
too crowded to get a good look. Let me explain.
Fireflies, or lightning bugs as some people call them, emit
a brief flash, then disappear. Same for the Double
Turn. A man would lead it on some corner of the floor.
By the time I saw the move, it was already gone. Since
virtually no one led the move, five minutes, ten minutes
might pass before I spotted another couple using the move.
The odds were not with me. As I
watched, I meditated on possible solutions
without any new ideas. Finally I gave up and left.
On the way home, I
was furious at myself for my inability to solve the
Riddle.
"I am such an
idiot! Why can't I figure this
stupid move out??!!??"
Typically Persistence is the solution to any problem.
Don't quit! Back when I was in high school, whenever I
was faced with a thorny homework problem that
gave me trouble, I would say to myself, "I
need to treat this problem as if my life depends on it!"
This became my approach to the Mystery of the Double Turns. I
treated this problem as if my career hung in the balance.
Which it sort of did.
Here's the thing... I was born to solve puzzles. As an
only child, solving Puzzles had been a favorite pastime. Chess
puzzles, crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, logic puzzles,
you name it, I solved puzzles for the fun of it. In
college, I thrived on computer problems. I loved the
challenge. I might not be much of a dancer, but when
it came to solving puzzles, I could go toe to toe
with the best, even Bob the Mad Scientist.
How many times have I mentioned how analytical I am?
My skill at solving puzzles had always been a source of
great pride. That said, no matter how hard I tried, so help me, I could not
solve this Riddle. It blew my mind to keep coming up
empty. For the life of me I could not understand why my knowledge of
Double Turns did not fit the Slow Slow Quick Quick rhythm of
the Twostep.
I wasn't just baffled, I was scared. Really
scared. This puzzle should have been solved by now, so
there was a mystery about it that had me spooked. It couldn't be that tough because at
least a few people had figured it out. So what was
wrong with me? I did not know what to try next.
Feeling defeated, I began to wonder if I could solve this
problem even if my life really did depend on it.
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The following
night, Wednesday, October 22, I went dancing with my TGIS class
at
Cowboy. As usual, Chuck joined me at the railing. I had just begun
to explain my problem with the Double Turn when some guy twirled the lady twice
right before or eyes. We both gasped.
That was it! We reacted as if a UFO had just darted past.
This was the legendary Double Turn! Our eyes
were riveted. For good measure, a couple seconds
later, the man double turned the lady again. As her
skirt flew up, Chuck's eyeballs bulged. He could
barely contain himself.
"Damn, Rick, did you see the legs on
that girl? That was awesome! I want to learn
those turns so bad it hurts."
I shook my head
in disgust at my ignorance about the turns as well as
Chuck's unfettered comments. "Me too, Chuck, me too."
"Rick,
how are you coming? Do you have the
answer yet?"
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I couldn't lie
to my friend. "No, Chuck, I haven't figured it out yet.
Something's weird."
Chuck gave me a
worried look. "Rick, we're pals, right?
Permission to speak candidly!"
"Okay, I guess.
What is it?"
"So tell me if I'm crossing a line, but what if I found another teacher
who knew the secret of those turns? Would you get
mad at me if I took his class at another dance studio?
Then I could come back and show you how to do!"
"Why?
Do you
know someone who teaches those turns?"
"No, but I
think I'm going to start asking around."
I looked at
Chuck incredulously. That really hurt. I felt betrayed by
his
remark. I lied and said I wouldn't mind, but inside I
was infuriated. This guy was supposed to be one of my
best friends, but he was ready to ditch me in order to learn
the Double Turns.
Chuck had just hit
the most sensitive nerve in my body. Ever
since Bob and I first saw that Double Turn couple at the
Rose back in August, my catastrophic fear was that some dance
teacher from another studio would come along to solve the problem first.
Right now I had anywhere from 40-80 Advanced Western students
bugging me about my upcoming November class. If I could not deliver and some
other guy could, I feared I might be facing a mass
desertion. Chuck did not realize the impact his
statement had on me, but I took his suggestion as a serious
warning. If Chuck was looking, so were some of my other
students. The pressure
to solve the Riddle was becoming unbearable.
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SATURDAY MORNING PRACTICE
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I was
scheduled to teach my first Double Turn class on
Monday, November 3. I had sent out 1,000
mailing list flyers announcing my intention in BOLD
letters. I had only ten days left to solve the
problem, but so far I had hit a brick wall.
Chuck's
remark caused one of my darkest moods
in a long time.
Since going to
the club twice this week didn't solve my problem, I
was getting desperate. Taking dire note of my
shrinking margin for error, I persuaded my big guns
to join me
on Saturday morning, October 25.
We were running
out of time, so
Bob Job said he would
come and so did Judy Price.
When Judy asked if her boyfriend Bill Sampson could come
along, I said sure, of course, I needed
all the help I could get. I was relieved at
their support.
Between the four of us, surely we could solve the
problem.
That
Saturday we met at Dance Arts and went
to work.
I
started by telling them that yesterday was my
birthday. If there was ever a
time I needed a birthday present, solving the
Double Turn Riddle would do just fine.
Bob laughed.
"Don't worry, Rick, we will figure it out."
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I
wasn't so sure about that. For an entire week, I had
been wracking my brain over how to double turn a woman and
keep the rhythm of Twostep at the same time. There was something very
weird about this
mystery. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD! Why
was this so difficult?
To my utter dismay,
the four of us drew a blank. I was so
frustrated I could not see straight. No matter how
many times we turned Judy, none of the three men
could discover how the turns fit the rhythm
of Twostep. The problem bedeviled us no end.
I couldn't
figure it out. Judy couldn't figure it out.
Bill couldn't figure it out. Even Bob the Mad
Scientist couldn't figure it out. Bob was a
self-described genius with patents worth a million
dollars. If Mr. Mensa couldn't figure it out, then
what chance did I have?
Two hours and
no solution. Now it was
lunchtime, so Bill and Judy said they had to go. Bob
shrugged his shoulders. Without a woman to help us practice
the spins, Bob said he was going to call it a day as well. Before he left, Bob tried to reassure me.
"Don't worry, Rick, we still
have nine days to go till your class. I will give the
problem my full attention
this week and we will figure it out by next Saturday."
My friends were light-hearted, but not me. I was the
guy whose reputation was on the line. I was the guy who had promised to teach these turns, not Bob, Bill
or Judy. I was panic-stricken. Something was wrong here.
This did not make sense. One would think four intelligent people
with plenty of dance experience should have been able to
solve the mystery today. Not so. Now that my heavy hitters had struck out,
I was losing hope fast.
I had just turned 31. Older,
perhaps, but definitely not
wiser. I
felt so helpless. Overwhelmed by futility, this was the moment I
began to fear I could not solve the problem even if my life depended on it.
Unsure where else to look, I had a terrible feeling I was going down.
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The pressure to solve the problem was driving me crazy.
Visions
of students leaving the studio depressed me no end.
Just when I was miraculously saved from the evil deeds of
Lance Stevens, I felt like I was about to lose everything I
had worked for.
For the remainder of the weekend, these turns were a puzzle that haunted me
morning, day and night. Nothing. Not a clue. No matter
what I did, I could not find the answer.
Thomas Edison
was on my mind. Edison was the patron saint of Try,
Try Again.
"Our
greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain
way to succeed is to always try one more time.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up."
Winston Churchill had said pretty much the
same thing during World War II. "Never, Never Give
Up!" If I just kept tinkering with the
problem, surely some idea would pop up when I least expected
it. So I continued to obsess over the Riddle. But it was useless. No matter how hard I thought about
the problem, I was unable to find the answer. I kept
hoping for a sudden insight, a breakthrough, but nothing
came to me. Sick and full of despair, I had hit a
complete dead-end.
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Two days passed. Now it was Monday, October 27.
According to Thomas Edison, the most certain way to succeed
is to always try just one more time. So I resumed trying. I had one week left to
solve the problem. I wanted to go back to Cowboy
tonight, but in the mood I was in, I feared I might lose my
temper over the expected interruptions. So I asked
a lady named Pamela to stay late and help. For the next 30 minutes,
we tried everything I could think of. I got absolutely
nowhere.
I might add
Pamela was probably not the best person to ask to
help.
"Rick, you're
not even close to being ready to teach this
class a week from now. Please tell me you
aren't going to fake your way through this like
you have in the past."
I gave her a
dirty look and said I was going to do everything in
my power between now and then to figure it out.
I was rewarded with a frowning look of skepticism.
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The next morning, Tuesday, was my regular private lesson
with Glen. I
asked Glen to help, but he had no idea what I was even
talking about. We tried anyway, but got nowhere. Another dead end.
This morning's failure hit really hard. Glen had been
taking dance lessons since he could walk. Jazz,
Ballet, Ballroom, Disco, almost 30 year of experience in the
dance world. If Glen couldn't figure it out, what
chance did I have?
Victoria wanted
to talk after class that night, but I told her no.
Running out of time, I forced myself to go to the
San Antone Rose instead.
Of course with my luck that huge pest Ammonia showed up
as I searched the crowd of dancers for a clue. I
decided Ammonia must live here. To
my profound irritation, she
expected me to dance with her. I tried to brush her
off, but Ammonia would not take 'no'
for an answer. Finally I gave in and danced with her. Did it stop there?
No, of course not. After we danced, Ammonia wouldn't leave me alone. She followed
me to the railing and pressed her hip next to mine. How was I supposed to
concentrate with Ammonia rubbing herself up against
me? If you know anything about men, their mind stops
functioning the moment a sexually attractive woman
advertises availability.
Thanks to Ammonia's presence, I was totally unable to
concentrate. Frustrated and distracted, I had no
choice but to leave. That is when Ammonia
objected.
"Where are you
going, Rick? Why not stick around and make me
happy. The evening's young and full of
danger!"
"I'm sorry, Mona, but I'm in a really bad mood tonight."
"Is there anything
I can do to cheer you up? I can think of a
way
to change your mood."
Rolling my eyes, I lamely answered, "I gotta go. See
you later, Mona."
"Will you at
least walk me to my car?"
"Maybe another
time. I am quite sure you can find someone else."
Ammonia grinned. She knew she had my number.
Men always give in. It was just a matter of time.
Meanwhile,
my Halloween Party was just around the corner, yet another
distraction. I was forced to spend the next couple
days buying decorations and putting them up on walls. Fully aware the
deadline was closing in, I was sick with
worry every waking moment.
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THE FRIDAY NIGHT
HALLOWEEN PARTY
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Glen had given me permission to throw a Halloween Party at
Dance Arts. On Friday night, October
31st, we had a
huge celebration. A crowd of 100 showed up to have the best time.
My students were in such a good mood. Everyone was
really excited to be here at the new
studio. I came as a Cowboy. Pretty creative,
huh? Hoping to remain anonymous, I wore a mask
and said I was the Lone Ranger. It didn't work.
My
students pestered me all night long with questions about the upcoming
Double Turn class.
I was exasperated. My class
was scheduled to start in three days and I was still completely
baffled.
"Hey, Rick,
show us how those Double Turns work!
Give us a Preview! We need a Sneak Peek!"
What was I
supposed to tell them? The truth? Come on now, I
wasn't going to tell anyone that I didn't have a clue how
those turns worked. Clinging to my Thomas Edison
mentality, I kept hoping that some magic insight would appear at
any moment. Trying to hide my anxiety, I
fudged and said I was putting the finishing touch
on my new Double Turn system. Liar, liar, pants on
fire. Meanwhile Pamela frowned at me every time she
passed by.
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Everyone at the
party was dying to learn the move. This was the most
anticipated class in the history of my program. They had seen
glimpses of the turns at the clubs. The girls wanted
to spin and the boys wanted to spin them. I had three
nights left. That was plenty of time. All I
needed was one insight. People asked why I wasn't
demonstrating those Double Turns tonight while I danced. I replied I was deliberately
hiding the secret so more people would sign up for the
class.
Oh, good grief, that was
definitely the wrong thing to
say. They actually believed me! That started a
buzz. The Double Turns became the main topic of the
night. As curiosity
spread, several people
tried to figure out the turns for themselves, but failed
miserably. Shocked at their inability to solve the Riddle, now they were even more curious.
"C'mon, Rick, what's the secret? How do you do it?"
It is important
to understand I wasn't the only one trying to solve
this problem. Bob, Bill, Judy, and
virtually every advanced Western dancer at the dance studio
took a stab at trying to solve the problem. It wasn't
just me who was confused, it was close to twenty
people. No one could come up with the
answer. When no one could come up with the answer,
people became even more intrigued. Strange as it
may seem, the Double Turn Mystery
had turned into the Dance Studio version of the Riddle of the Sphinx.
In Greek
mythology, Oedipus had been
given the choice between solving the Riddle of the Sphinx or
simply walking away. If Oedipus failed, he
would be put to death. It was depressing to admit, but
right now I felt like I might be forced to walk the plank. Never before in my life had I given so
much thought to a puzzle, but come up empty.
I was completely out of ideas. Okay, I could
accept I was not smart enough to solve the problem.
What I could not understand is why no one else could figure it
out either. A lot of
very smart people were just as stumped as I was. Why was
this so difficult? Once my students discovered how
baffling this was, the problem of the
Double Turns was on everyone's mind. The Riddle had become what the French
would call a 'Cause Célèbre'.
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Now that the
entire studio had taken a shot at answering the problem and
failed, this put me in an even worse jam because I had lied
and said I knew the answer. I was such an idiot!
I had just given the impression that I alone knew the answer and was
prepared to solve the mystery on Monday before
their very eyes. Every time
someone at the party passed by, they whispered they had
decided to take my class. As marketing schemes go,
this was turning into the best cliffhanger since "Who
shot J.R.?"
They could barely
wait for me to reveal the secret!! Oh great, just what I
needed, more pressure. Based on all the whispers, I might end
up with 50 people in that class. Maybe more. The last thing I wanted
to do was face 50 students and
admit I did not have a
clue after promising to deliver for two months. This
unmasking
was the most embarrassing thing I could possibly imagine.
I had another
private lesson with Bob, Bill and Judy scheduled for
tomorrow morning, a Saturday. This was pretty much my
last chance. Throughout the Halloween
Party I was scared to death we would fail again. So
what does any sensible guy do when filled with nauseating
dread? You guessed it. I made a steady beeline
to the beer keg all
night long. Shades of Fright Night, the
beer dulled my anxiety enough to get through
the party. In a way, the memory of Fright Night
cheered me up. I had fully expected my Western career
to come crashing to a halt that night only to be spared.
Maybe I would be spared again. One could only hope.
The beer helped
me forget the Double
Turn problem, but now I had to deal with Ammonia. I could not get that damn
woman to leave me
alone. After brushing her off at the Rose
last Tuesday, she
was hot on the trail. Every time I turned around, she asked me to
dance. After avoiding her for most of the night,
Ammonia took matters into her own hands. She stepped right in front of me. "Hey,
Rickie, Trick or Treat!! Wanna get candy or wanna get randy?" ha
ha. Very funny.
I had no choice
but to perform my duty dance with Ammonia and pray Victoria did not
notice. As usual Ammonia caressed the arm holding her
with her ample bosom. Sure enough, Victoria spotted us.
This was the first time Victoria had ever noticed
Ammonia, but her alarm bells went off immediately. Glancing over, I received a look that could kill.
Ammonia caught
Victoria's look and grinned at her. On cue, she moved
closer so that both breasts were touching my chest. I suddenly realized what Ammonia was up to.
This infernal woman was deliberately trying to get under Victoria's
skin. Distraught because her therapist friend was dying, it didn't
take much to get Victoria rattled. The moment I saw
fire in Victoria's eyes, I nearly died. I wanted to
strangle that damn Ammonia, but first I had to deal with Victoria.
I disengaged from
Ammonia as the song faded and raced to Victoria's side. Please, Snarling Tiger Woman, go back to sleep! Nice Kitty, Nice Kitty...
Just as Victoria
was about to start asking difficult questions, the next song
started. On the spot, I asked her to dance.
We danced five Western and Disco songs in a row.
I danced hard and fast. This was a smart move.
By the time I was finished,
I was sober again and Victoria was panting with exhaustion. Victoria
was so dizzy she could barely stand up. Pouring
with sweat, Victoria excused herself to head to the restroom while I went
in search of sanctuary. I was low on patience. On my way to the beer keg, some
guy named Steve stopped me to ask a question about the Double Turns.
Thank goodness I had sobered up a little, but I still did
not handle it well.
Speaking
sharply, I barked, "Hey, Steve, not now. Let's
save it for Monday!" It wasn't the
words but rather the tone in my voice that alarmed Steve.
He quickly moved away. Great, just what I needed...
alienating students with my grouchy mood. Why won't
these people leave me alone? I was really losing it.
Thank goodness Victoria
accepted my explanation that Ammonia was just some drunk
girl making a fool of herself. However I noticed she did not
leave my side for the rest of the party. To Victoria's
credit, she stayed after the party and helped me clean up.
I really appreciated her help. I may have been young, but I wasn't Superman. By the
time we were through, we were both exhausted. This had been a
very long night. When we finished, Victoria asked
if I wanted to come over.
I shook my head. "No,
not
tonight, Victoria, I'm exhausted and I have dance lessons
early tomorrow morning."
Victoria was
disappointed. With the issue of Charlotte hanging over
her, Victoria was feeling pretty low. But she said she understood. On the way home, I
was in real pain.
The overexertion, the drinking, and the constant
worry had taken its toll. I struggled just to crawl in
the door. As I entered, the phone rang.
Caught off guard, I nearly jumped out of my skin. Then
I realized who it was.
"Yes, Victoria?"
"Hi Rick, I
just wanted to let you know what a great party that was.
Sleep tight, darling."
I rolled my
eyes. 'Darling', my ass. It was 3 am in the
morning. Victoria's call could mean only one thing.
Obviously Ammonia had rattled Victoria's cage.
Victoria had called to
make sure I had not brushed her off in order to run to
Ammonia's arms after the party.
I found my bed
and collapsed.
My life was beyond insane.
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LIMBO MONTH SEVENTEEN
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1,
1980
LAST CHANCE
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I was in a foul mood
when I awoke Saturday morning. I was hung over and exhausted,
but mostly I was sick in my stomach with fear of
failure. Unable to think of a single fresh
idea, my nerves could not take much more
disappointment. I wanted
to call off the scheduled lesson with Bob, Bill
and Judy in the worst way. I thought long and hard about doing just
that, but thankfully I got a grip. Skipping the lesson would be a terrible mistake. My
friends were coming to help me.
That left me with no choice but to go through with the lesson.
Groaning, I forced myself to get up and get dressed. I had a bad
feeling about this. My
past nightmares of being exposed as a fraud had reawakened
to haunt me. I was playing a nasty form of Russian Roulette.
Every time I took a gamble, I had a legitimate chance of
ruining my reputation by being exposed as a Fraud. I
had several close calls during the Disco Era and several
narrow escapes during the Western Era. If I kept doing this, someday I was
bound to
get caught. That day would probably be this coming Monday.
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I calmed myself
down by reminding myself my dance career probably would
survive a failure. My program was so well established
that I could withstand the damage. However, the embarrassment would be
overwhelming. Good grief, I had already told the
entire studio I had the answer. Well, I wasn't going to give up without a fight.
In the spirit of Thomas Edison, let's try again.
The Western Committee was already there when
I staggered in. I explained how I saw the problem:
• Fact One: The rhythm of Twostep
is Slow Slow Quick Quick.
• Fact Two:
The rhythm of East Coast Swing, a dance very similar to
Disco, is Slow Slow
Quick Quick.
• Fact Three:
If Twostep and East Coast Swing start on the Slow,
then the Double Turns must also start on the Slow.
The Western
Committee agreed
with me... the Double Turns must start on the Slow.
It is pretty
much impossible to describe the various strategies and
experiments that we tried on Judy Price, so let's skip the gory
details. What is important to note is that the four of
us tinkered for three hours and made
no
progress. Eventually I came up with something by being
inventive. I made up a farcical East
Coast Swing-based pattern where I turned the lady twice and finished with an East Coast Swing back
step. I called it Traveling Swing.
Somehow my
invention managed to both travel and include a Double Turn,
but it was clumsy. When Bob looked at it,
he frowned. Bob doubted
seriously that what he had seen on the dance floor ended in
a back-step. I ruefully agreed with Bob. My sad
little pattern was a
poor imitation of whatever the real Double Turns
looked like.
"Maybe it just needs more work,"
I said hopefully.
When Bob, Bill, and
Judy all looked at each other with skepticism, I knew
exactly what they were thinking. This pattern was not the
answer. At this point, we threw in the towel. We
were all very dejected. It made no sense that all our
effort yielded no results. It could not be that
difficult, so why couldn't we figure it out? After everyone left,
I mulled over my dire situation.
I had two days left and still no answer.
Fortunately I did have one more chance. Judy had agreed to
meet with me for a last-minute jam session prior to class on Monday.
However, I didn't expect much. Given our failure
today, the odds of solving
the problem were slim and none.
My only hope was for some miraculous last-minute Thomas
Edison insight. My entire Magic
Carpet Ride had revolved around uncanny strokes of
Luck. For example, a last-second insight had saved me
from ruin during the Ides of Waltz debacle. Maybe the Universe
would take pity yet again and send me
the answer. Or would Monday be the day when the
Universe decided this time I was on my own? To be
honest, I expected to fail. I had tried as hard as I
could to no avail, so what reason was there to expect
anything different? I had never encountered a
more baffling puzzle in my entire life.
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