MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN:

MATCHMAKER

Written by Rick Archer 

JUNE 1982
 

PHYLLIS GOLDBERG

 

During my final days of Limbo there was one lady in particular I had my eye on.  Her name was Phyllis Goldberg.  A pretty brunette, Phyllis was one of the most popular ladies in the Nifty Fifty group.  What a sweetheart!  There was a warmth about Phyllis that was remarkable.  But there was also a mystery about her.  I had known her for about a year.  For some reason, Phyllis never seemed to date.  I was curious about that.  Furthermore, she seemed to gravitate towards me.  At least once a night she would seek me out for a conversation.  Phyllis was a very bright lady, so I enjoyed talking with her.  I wondered if Phyllis spoke to me because she was interested.  That gave rise to fond hopes.  However, I did not dare say a word until Victoria set me free.  The last thing I wanted was a recurrence of the 'Girlfriend in Waiting' scenario that made Jann Fonteno so miserable she decided to leave town. 

I always felt so much at ease when Phyllis was around.  She would be the first girl I would approach the moment Victoria set me free.  So imagine how excited I was when Victoria hinted at closing the door in early June.  The timing could not possibly be better.  This was my chance to pursue Phyllis!  However, once Victoria started sending me letters, I held off revealing my feelings just a little longer.

Two weeks passed.  In mid-June the gang was at Phyllis' house for one of our Labeling Parties.  We had a large gathering of the Nifty Fifty, 30 or so in attendance.  After dinner, we were getting ready for another round of Charades when Phyllis called for our attention. 

"Hey, guys, guess what, I'm engaged!  I'm getting married next year!"

What?  Is she serious?  This led to a very awkward moment.  Who was Phyllis engaged to?  At the time, I estimate at least a dozen men at the party had a crush on Phyllis.  Confused, we began staring at each other to figure out which one of us had proposed!!  The girls were all doing the same thing.  Who could it be?   Knowing how secretive I was about my personal life, I got several glances.  I wished it was me, but I shook my head. 

With eyes darting everywhere, precious seconds passed.  Since no one had any idea Phyllis was even dating someone, I wondered how she had managed to keep a secret of this magnitude.  No one said a word because we all were waiting for the Lucky Guy to stand up and take credit.  Meanwhile Phyllis was bewildered.  Why wasn't anyone wishing her well?  I guess close to a minute of total silence passed with high tension.  Finally Phyllis figured it out. 

"Calm down, everybody, I'm marrying my long-time boyfriend Frank!"

We all looked at each other.  Frank?  Who's Frank?  There's no one in our group named Frank.

"Frank was my college sweetheart.  But we decided we were too young at the time to get married.  Ten years passed and our careers took us to different cities.  However we continued to stay in touch.  To be more accurate, we had a 'same time, next year' arrangement during those years."

Phyllis paused to giggle at her naughty confession. 

"Last month our annual meeting produced major sparks.  Since neither of us were dating anyone special at the moment, Frank looked at me one night and said why wait till next year.  Why not meet again in two weeks?   I liked that idea, so I said okay.  Last weekend Frank popped the question and I accepted.  So that's the story!  What do you think?"

What do we think?  Speaking for myself, I was really bummed out.  Gee whiz, now that Victoria was almost gone, I had actually thought of asking Phyllis out tonight.  I was incredulous that yet another one had gotten away.  I was crushed.  Then I looked around and saw all the men had long faces.  Good grief, Phyllis had just broken the heart of every man in the room.  Seeing all the sad faces, I realized every man present believed Phyllis was secretly in love with him.  At least one mystery was cleared up by the announcement.  No one could figure out why Phyllis never seemed to date.  Finally the men knew why she had kept them at arm's length. 

Sad to say, there was more sad news... Phyllis would be leaving us soon to go live in Florida with her fiancé Frank.  This hit hard.  Phyllis was leaving!  We were all crestfallen, men and women alike.  Very much loved by everyone, Phyllis was the most popular girl in the group. 

Meanwhile Phyllis was hurt.  She had saved the big news until we were all together tonight  Now she was upset because her announcement was met by complete silence.  Fortunately the girls reacted faster than the boys.  The boys were still in mourning, so it was good that the women stepped forward to congratulate Phyllis. 

Soon there was more news.  One night at Texas there were six of us sitting at a table together.  Phyllis said, "Frank doesn't want to wait till next year.  He wants to move things up.  He is coming in three weeks to help me pack and drive my belongings back to Florida."

Wow!  That announcement hit like a ton of bricks.  Oh no!  Phyllis is leaving in three weeks!  We hated to see Phyllis go.  Now for the second time we gave Phyllis the cold shoulder.  We were more sad for our loss than happy for her gain.  Seeing Phyllis had gotten her feelings hurt again by our tepid response, I pulled her aside.

"Phyllis, I think I know what's going on here.  The people in our group are not the marrying kind, or at least that's what they think.  The thought that 'one of us' is getting married is almost inconceivable.  Your announcement is sort of like telling Peter Pan it's time to grow up.  I think they are very threatened by your decision."

Phyllis nodded.  "Yeah, I can see that.  It makes sense.  But someone has to be the first."

This libidinous group was so busy enjoying the SSQQ playground that thoughts of marriage had never crossed their minds.  Thanks to dancing, loneliness was never an issue.  The Nifty Fifty Gang had made it into their Thirties still unattached.  Hey, everyone was having far too much fun to settle down.  That is why the thought of Phyllis getting married felt vaguely wrong.  She was like the friend who runs off and joins the navy without permission.  We were single because that was our nature.  What was wrong with Phyllis?  Had she lost her mind? 

I regretted the loss of Phyllis for a different reason.  Ever since Jann left, Phyllis was my frequent companion in the 'Ain't Gettin' None, Woe is Me Club'.  One reason I had been drawn to Phyllis was her habit of talking to me.  Now I realized why Phyllis always made time for me.  Since I was the only man who had never asked her out, she considered me 'safe'.  Feeling sorry for myself, I let out a pitiful snort at the dark humor of it all.  I probably wanted her more than any guy in the group!  How pathetic is this?  Without realizing it, we had become best friends for the same reason... we were both stuck in Limbo!  Life is so weird sometimes. 

Eventually the Gang came to their senses, so we planned a hasty going-away party for Phyllis.  Tom rented his Beach House for a special Goodbye Party.  Have I mentioned that Phyllis was ridiculously sexy?  All the men lusted for Phyllis, but got nowhere.  Thanks to all that pent-up passion, some of us got carried away.  Tom planned an ambush which led to a very intense incident.  We tackled Phyllis in her bathing suit and covered her legs with excessive amounts of whipped cream.  Several men took turns licking up the whipped cream from her knees and lower legs as Phyllis wiggled and giggled.  Thank goodness Phyllis was a good sport about it.  The fact that she laughed heartily signaled 'permission' of sorts.  Nevertheless, once we sobered up, we realized our stunt had gone a bit too far.

A lot of people had been unable to make the Beach Weekend on short notice, so the following weekend we scheduled a second going away event.  This time the Gang would meet for dinner and then head over to Texas.  However, the men panicked when Frank, her fiancé, decided to fly in from Florida at the last minute.  Phyllis said he wanted to meet all of us.  Uh oh!  

We had not counted on meeting Frank.  He wasn't supposed to be here till the following week!  Here was the problem.  The men still had a guilty conscience after getting carried away at the beach party.  Not only were we upset that we had offended Phyllis, we worried that she had told Frank.  If so, a confrontation was inevitable.

At dinner that night, the men cowered in fear.  We were worried that the subject of the whipped cream incident would come up.  Due to our fear that Frank would be upset, everyone, women included, was tense to say the least.  Fearful that some fool would accidentally drop the bomb,  the cat got our tongue.  Fortunately, Phyllis guessed what the problem was and decided to diffuse the issue.  Right in front of the nervous guests, she told Frank all about it.  Phyllis was a magician.  Somehow she sanitized the event to render it harmless.  The way she said it, the incident was something akin to a polite licking the whipped cream off her hand.  Yeah, right.  Through smiles and extreme warmth, Phyllis managed to convince Frank it was a lot more innocent than it really had been.  Now that Frank understood what the tension was about, he relaxed and so did we.  I shook my head in awe.  How did Phyllis do that??  This woman was an exceptional diplomat.

From that point on, we were family again, Frank included.  After dinner, we all went dancing at Texas.  Little did we know that Phyllis had been coaching Frank in advance on the Texas Twostep.  Plus every lady in the group made sure Frank danced with them.  Thanks to their 'on-the-floor' suggestions, Frank caught on fast.  Flattered by all the attention, Frank was a great dancer by the end of the night.  In process he learned why this group was so important to Phyllis.  To our undying relief, the Going Away party at Texas turned out well. 
 

JULY 1982

THE BIG CHILL

 

We were never quite the same after Phyllis left.  If this could happen to Phyllis, were any of us safe?  A movie named the Big Chill served as the perfect metaphor for the situation the group was going through.  The movie told the touching story of college friends who reunite many years down the road.  The affection they continued to feel for one another was reminiscent of our shared affection. 

I took immense pride in the important role the studio had played in the lives of my friends.  The Nifty Fifty was something to behold.  I never saw a more inseparable group of people.  As an only child, I can safely say this was the first 'Family' I had ever felt a part of.  The characters in the Big Chill were family as well.  Indeed, the parallels between the movie and the Nifty Fifty were obvious to all of us.

The byline to the Big Chill raised this question:  

'How much love, sex, fun, and friendship can a person take?'

That was an interesting question, especially since several members of our group were busy pairing up at this very moment.  Our group had become quite incestuous over the past year.   People would date for a while, then switch partners.  Feelings got hurt, tears were shed and things were certainly awkward at times.  But someone new typically came along to court the abandoned one, so everyone was happy again. 

However, not everyone was content to play musical chairs.  Several couples were so serious, we could all see they were moving towards a larger commitment.  Who would be the first SSQQ couple to take the plunge? 

JANUARY 1983

THE STAMPEDE TO THE ALTAR BEGINS

 

In 1983 there were several potential marriages brewing.  Some of those torrid 1982 romances were ready to advance to the next stage.  It was remarkable how my dance program had evolved into a Matchmaking laboratory.  The chemistry was so potent and wide-spread, who could ever doubt that Slow Dance led to Romance? 

This was not an overnight phenomenon.  It started in 1980 when Linda Shuler had taken all of ten seconds to give me permission to teach western dancing to TGIS students.  Her fortuitous decision led to an initial class of 125 Western students and further classes in the following months. 

The birds and the bees went wild the moment TGIS students appeared on my doorstep.  It was significant that the TGIS students were all single.  Not only did they fall in love with western dancing, to their delight they discovered dancing was the perfect way meet their next girlfriend or boyfriend.  My dance studio was NEVER the same after that first TGIS class.

One of the leaders of the TGIS Young Singles group was Doug Humme.  Doug was at my side throughout the Western Era. Doug and his buddy Chuck Clayton had been taking classes non-stop since the first-ever TGIS class in April 1980.

Doug was there in early 1981 when the Winchester Club catapulted our social program into the outer stratosphere.  I cannot imagine how many love affairs were spawned on that dance floor, but I would guess at least a hundred.  Who can say how many young adults walk the streets of Houston today thanks to SSQQ parents who met at the Winchester.

Jann's SSQQ Hotline was the next piece of the puzzle.  Once her ingenious Hotline kicked in, the chummy hand-holding of 1980 turned passionate in 1981.  That was the year Cupid went into overdrive.  A lot of people fooled around and fell in love.  Things got even crazier after the Halloween Party from Hell.  Thanks to the ensuing photographs, for a while there our Naughty but Nice reputation skewed more in the Naughty direction.  1981 was the coming of age for my studio's hot and heavy reputation.

By the time 1982 arrived, SSQQ was rumored to be the best place in Houston to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.  The SSQQ reputation for Romance was no myth.  Our status as the Happy Hunting Ground was firmly based in fact.  Any time someone asked for the secret of the studio's success, I told them the truth... Slow Dance leads to Romance.  Combining my dance program with my social program, in my opinion SSQQ was the finest romantic playground ever invented.   

The studio was teeming with attractive students.  I marveled at the caliber of people who took classes.  Our students were educated, intelligent, down to earth.  These were the kind of people anyone would want to date.  The professions of my various students were impressive.  Teachers, doctors, lawyers, nurses, architects, engineers, businessmen, you name it.  However, no one talked about their job.  They were having too much fun to bother.  They were to here to dance and find romance just like everyone else.  And find it they did.  There were so many singles to choose from, everyone's biggest problem was deciding who to ask out first.  Lust was rampant; people were falling in love right and left. 

This was a special time.  SSQQ was not longer just a dance studio, it had become a House of Friendship.  There was a pervasive spirit of warmth that was impossible to miss.  During this time, there was a group of people who were Lifers.  Doug and his best friend Chuck Clayton were among the students whose participation was now in its third year at the studio.

One night late in the summer of 1982, Doug was moping around at Texas one night.  "Doug, I haven't seen you dance one time."

"Oh, I don't feel like dancing.  Jackie and I broke up."

Although I nodded in sympathy, this development was no surprise.  I had seen it coming for a long time. 

Doug continued.  "I'm sorry, Rick, but I think I am going to drop out for a while.  I don't have a partner for next month's class."

"Don't do that, Doug.  I know a young lady who is a great dancer.  Her name is Ava King.  Last week she told me she would be willing to volunteer if I ever needed an extra lady to balance out the class."

After exacting a promise from Doug to attend next week's class, I invited Ava to join his class.  A product of the Texas A&M dance community, Ava had been dancing western for ages.  I figured Ava would make Doug a good dance partner, so I was pleased when she accepted my offer.  Doug and Ava clicked on the spot.  Doug didn't waste any time.  After class, he asked Ava if he could walk her to her car.  They left holding hands.  Wow, that was fast!  I quietly patted myself on the back.  Glad to see my hunch pay off, I was officially a Matchmaker!

Doug and Ava were inseparable at the 1982 Halloween Party.  Afterwards, Ava wrote me a very nice letter thanking me for pairing them up.  I had a hunch where this was headed.

In my expanding role as Social Director, in 1982 I decided to organize my first ski trip at the studio.  Doug and Ava were excited to participate.  One night I noticed them snuggling on the couch downstairs.  It was a snowy December night.  The room was dark except for the warm glow of the fireplace.  It was so beautiful to see the moon, snow and mountains in the window.  However, they didn't notice.  I never saw two people more in love.  That was a special moment.  I was very touched by the thought that I had helped bring Doug and Ava together.

One night Ava pulled me aside.  "I find it odd that Doug chose dancing as his hobby.  It doesn't come easy to him.  But I will say one thing.  Doug is the most persistent, determined man I have ever met.  He never gives up.  I really admire that."

That was an interesting observation.  If there was one characteristic that marked Doug and myself, it was our persistence.  When I stopped to think about it, persistence was a quality that predicted success in school, in career, and marriage as well.  Maybe that's why men who could dance made such good marital prospects.  It wasn't their dancing ability, it was their refusal to quit once they set their mind to something.

When Doug and Ava announced their engagement in mid-1983, they asked me to participate in their July 1984 wedding.  What an honor, especially knowing I had played a key role.  Tickled to be Cupid's assistant, hey, I might just have a knack for this. 

Now I was in for a big surprise.  Doug and Ava started a stampede.  Following Doug and Ava's cue, one by one all the other developing romances headed straight to the altar.  Once the floodgates opened, we had 20 weddings within two years.  From this point on, it seemed like every time there was a wedding, another couple would step up to announce their engagement.  It was an amazing process!  I was well aware these marriages were the direct result of the social program I had developed.  Churning out one marriage after another, SSQQ was no longer just a dance studio, it was a wedding factory. 

Doug and Ava gave me my first hint I was meant to be a Matchmaker.  Maybe there had been a purpose to the Epic Losing Streak.  Through much heartache and many strange quirks of Fate, the Universe had given me the insight necessary to design the finest romantic playground ever created.  I took immense joy in supervising a safe place where my students could connect.  My wedding factory was a special place to me, a Secret Garden where Love could flourish. 

Drawn by the reputation, people asked me what they needed to do to become a studio member.  "It isn't difficult," I replied. "Take a Twostep class, then ask someone to dance!"  It was a simple formula, but absurdly effective.  The dance program had the extraordinary ability to help people meet, then nurture relationships at a nice, gradual pace.  The warm spirit permeating my studio was perfect because it encouraged students to take their time while they got to know one another.  As an example, Doug and Ava continued to dance from the moment they met during their two-year trip to the altar. 

My Transformation into a Matchmaker was quite a turn of events.  I was once the emotional cripple who had been tossed from graduate school.  I had no dance ability.  I had a bizarre fear of rejection.  I was a loner who was shy around strangers.  Given where I started, who would have believed where my Dance Path would take me?  As I watched this giant family evolve before my eyes, I was humbled.  Who could have predicted this?  I recalled how my loneliness had led me to dance lessons as my last-ditch Love Potion #9.  The lessons I learned were so powerful they had inspired me to turn around and put my experience to good use.    I was convinced this is what I was meant to do all along. 

THE SSQQ WEDDING FACTORY

 

1983 had been the Big Chill year here at the dance studio.  Our group had been pretty incestuous for quite a while.  Many people dated two or three members within the group before finally settling on the right person.  I will spare the details, but understandably there were touchy feelings.  Let's just say the studio was like a small college where people played musical chairs at the end of every semester.  Ding!  Time to change partners!  Who's Next?

After two years or so of Dating Frenzy, there was a shift.  It started when Phyllis Goldberg married her college sweetheart Frank.  In 1983, she became the first member of our close knit group to get engaged.  There was something about Phyllis' decision that seemed to resonate with her friends. 

Up till now, it had all been fun and games.  Now, however, several members of the group had gotten attached.  When the next call to rotate partners sounded, they decided not to switch.  Sure enough, they had met their match and fallen in love.  At this point there were so many couples who had met at the studio, it was inevitable that some of these relationships would become serious.  Now it was just a question of time before someone took things to the next step. 

Therefore it was no surprise when 1984 became the year of the Wedding Bells.  Doug and Ava's 1984 marriage opened the wedding floodgates.  Next in line was Stan Clark and Pam Silverblatt.  I was very close to both of them.  By coincidence, Pam's father turned out to my doctor.  Stan was not only one of my best friends, he sold me all my audio equipment.  Pam and Stan were as SSQQ True Blue as they come, so their move to altar was a wakeup call for a lot of people. 

Pam and Stan were very close to several other couples here at the studio.  When they made their announcement, almost immediately several other couples did the same thing.  From this point on, the assembly line started.  People began getting married right and left! 

Within the next two years, I counted 20 couples who had met at SSQQ and gone on to get married. 

The 1984 stampede to the altar was my first inkling that SSQQ had powers that went far beyond its nominal title of 'Dance Studio'.  Although I am getting ahead of my story, over the 32 year span of my dance studio, I received countless reports of couples who had gotten married over the years. 

Some people made up their mind quickly.  Tom Easley was a good example.  Tom met his wife Margaret in 1987 and married her the same year.  Others were slowpokes who took their sweet time.  For example, Bob Job and Louise Campodonico met sometime in 1983 or 1984.  Unlike Tom and Margaret who made a beeline to the altar, Bob and Louise wandered around a bit.  They dated and broke up.  They dated and broke up.  For all I know, they may have even broken up three times.  They were on again, off again, so many times I lost track.  Then, lo and behold, one day in the Nineties they got around to tying the knot.  The point is that while some people take a linear path to marriage, others took a winding path I could not possibly keep track of.  If Bob had not been one of my best friends, I probably would have never known about his wedding.