THE EVIL MAP OF ROME
Written by Rick Archer
January, 2010

Our second stop on the Barcelona 2009 Cruise was Rome, the Eternal City.  Rome is special to Marla and me.  We both agree the highlight of our previous 2008 Greece-Italy-Turkey Cruise had been the day the three of us (including my daughter Sam, 17) had taken a long, exciting walk through the winding streets of Rome.  What a marvelous experience that had been!

Today Rome is a huge metropolis of 4 million people that sprawls over the Italian countryside.  Despite its vast size, what is unique about the city is that almost all the famous sites are within a couple miles walking distance of each other.   You literally cannot turn a corner without some famous landmark either staring you in the face or looming up just ahead. 

In a far-flung city like Barcelona, bus tours are the only way to go.  You get only a fleeting glimpse of things on the bus tours unless you have the patience to play the hop on - hop off game.  However, ancient Rome was so compact that it becomes very tempting to simply walk around and take in the historical sites on foot. 

For example, I estimate that last year's 2008 Walk Across Rome from the Borghese Museum to the Colosseum was only about three miles.  Along the way we saw the Spanish Steps, the Trevi Fountain, the Pantheon, the Victor Emanuel Monument, and many other interesting sites as well. 

By the way, I received several compliments on my story of last year's walk.  If you have a couple extra moments, I think you will enjoy reading about the 2008 Walk Across Rome.  Let me add that reading last year's account will help put this story of our 2009 Walk Across Rome into much better perspective. 

Travel can be so frustrating because there are so many things to see and simply not enough time.  On our 2008 Walk, there were plenty of places we were forced to walk right past because we didn't have enough time to stop and look around. 

The biggest disappointment of the day had been missing the Roman Forum.  As we walked down the Imperial Highway on our way to catch the last Colosseum Tour of the day, our path took us right past the Roman Forum.  Marla's eyes bulged as one important structure after another tempted her to come over and take a closer look.  She got out her guide book and tried to identify each building. I literally had to take her arm and pull her away before we missed the Colosseum Tour.  Marla gave me the most pitiful look; she really wanted to stay!

Since Marla was so clearly bummed out from missing the Roman Forum, I agreed to make it the highlight of our 2009 Walk Across Rome.  As I studied the map, the Forum appeared to be about 4 miles from our departure point at St. Peter's Train Station. However, since we were getting a much earlier start, I didn't figure one extra mile would cause much of a problem.  This would be our chance to make another triumphant march through Rome.  I was so excited!

The Roman Forum of Today is pretty beat up

SOMETHING NOT SO FUNNY HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE ROMAN FORUM

The Journey Begins

Our cruise ship docked at Civitavecchia, a port located 50 miles northwest of Rome.  From there we took a quick 45 minute train trip into Rome and stopped at St. Peter's Train Station a quarter mile south of the Vatican. 

Using the Evil Map as a guide, you can see there is a fabulous city park just across the street from the train station.  Gianicolense Park is said to be "Home to 7,000 species scattered across bucolic gardens".  My plan was to take a leisurely stroll through the park on the way to Roman Forum.

All the passengers from the cruise ship headed north towards the Vatican.  All but two, that is.  As you can see from the map,  Marla and I headed south. I figured that by cutting through the park, this route would not only be pretty, it would also be a direct path to the Forum.  Only one problem - we were never able to get into the park!!

VIA FORNACI

Here is yet another look at the Evil Map.  There is nothing to suggest the giant 14 foot high STONE WALL lining Via Nuova delle Fornaci that ruined our day.

The map clearly suggests there is an entrance to the park in the spot I have marked "Secret Passage".  My problem was the map seemed to indicate there was a large entrance to the park at that point, not some diddlysquat unmarked driveway with a stupid name like "Vendiamo Box". 

In my mind, I expected a Glorious Entrance complete with a welcome gate and proper sign that said "Gianicolense Park" in bold letters followed by the road labeled Via Nuova delle Fornaci.  No such luck.

There was another good reason I didn't pay more attention to the Secret Passage.  I wasn't concerned at the time because the Evil Map CLEARLY INDICATED another entrance just down the road, the one I have marked "Iron Gate Entrance".   All we had to do was walk to it.  What I did not know was that the second entrance to the park would have an iron gate blocking it.  The "Iron Gate" wasn't on the Evil Map either.

After we skipped checking out the Secret Passage (thanks to my skepticism), we started walking south down the Via Fornacci on the sidewalk.  Soon we made a very unpleasant discovery - the stunning Gianicolense Park was protected by a formidable 14 foot brick wall!   I think this was the point where Marla suggested we go back and give that driveway another look.  I absolutely do not recall hearing her make this suggestion, but as things turned out, I wish I had.  We were about to walk into a terrible trap.

So where was everybody else?  Many of the people in our cruise group were on a guided tour of Rome arranged by Dana LeDoux.  At a cost of a couple hundred dollars or so, they rode in a comfortable bus around Rome and saw all the most important sites (by the way, I heard that Dana's tour was a huge hit).  

But Marla and I had seen many of the spots that Dana's Tour would visit on our trip to Rome the year before.  We decided to rough it and see Rome all by ourselves. 

As we ambled along looking for the correct entrance to the park, I was proud of our decision to take this walk.  For the remainder of the trip, we would be relying on guides to help us in Florence, the Riviera, and Marseilles.  But not today.  Today we would be relying on maps and our own two feet to see Rome.  No guides, no buses, no tours, just Marla and me setting off on a big adventure across one of the most interesting cities in the world.  Not only would our do-it-yourself hike save us four hundred dollars of guided tour money, I was really proud of our self-reliance!

Plus I was on a mission of redemption today.  Thanks to me, last year we had encountered quite a fiasco in the morning which was my fault.  In 2008, I had completely misunderstood the tour guide map supplied by the hotel (yes, The Evil Map!)

So I screwed up a little last year.  Big deal. It all worked out in the end.  That was 2008.  This was 2009.  This year I had it covered.  No way I was going to get lost this year.  I knew exactly where I was going.

Except there was one problem - our sidewalk had just come to a complete dead end! 

See the picture.  The only thing left was a narrow roadway with one-way traffic hurtling at us moving 60 miles an hour!  We had just hit a dead end... and when I say "dead", it seemed to me that's exactly what would happen if we continued... 

I groaned.  There was supposed to be an entrance just up ahead on the Evil Map that indicated we should be able to walk through the park.  Where was that stupid entrance?  Surely it was close at hand.  We had walked over half a mile from the secret passage area to get to this point.  If we turned around now, it would cost us an entire hour plus an enormous amount of wasted energy... mind you, this walking stuff gets tiring after a while.  Would we have enough energy left in the tank if we turned back?   Would we have enough time? 

I did not want to turn around.  There had to be an entrance just up ahead.  The Evil Map said it was there!  As Marla glared darts at me, I kept peeking around that corner.  Was there any hint of a sidewalk further up ahead? 

Or maybe I could spot the life-saving entrance to the park just down the road a bit.  When the traffic let up for a moment, I walked out a few steps into the road.  I could have sworn I saw a patch of sun light crossing the street.  That light meant there had to be some sort of break in the massive wall up ahead. 

Although it would be dangerous to get to that opening, at least the light reaffirmed my belief that surely an entrance to the park was just down the street. 

Light or no light, Marla had no intention of continuing.  She thought I was out of my mind.  This wasn't worth the risk!  This narrow roadway felt like a trap.  There were huge walls on either side of the road.   Walking on such a narrow roadway would be like walking in a narrow canyon.  There was no escape.  Walking this road was tantamount to suicide in her mind.  And what if that light I saw wasn't what I hoped it would be?

Would it be instead the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel which turns out to be a train, not an exit?  Any one of those hurtling cars could take us out in an instant.

We stood there for a good five minutes talking it over.  Marla was very unhappy.  She had almost convinced me to turn around when out of nowhere some teenage boy came along and started walking down a narrow path right on the edge of the huge wall. 

Marla stared at the boy in shock.  I stared at the boy in shock.  We both expected him to be hideously smashed to death against the stone wall.  There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.  Amazingly, the boy continued unhurt as the cars whizzed past.  

As Marla's eyes tracked his progress, she shook her head in disgust.  She knew what this meant.  I would say if that kid could do it, so could we.  Finally, with a huge frown on her face, Marla threw in the towel.  Without saying a word, Marla crossed the street and began walking down the narrow path. 

As the cars whizzed by, it took a large amount of courage to hang in there.  I was feeling pretty grim.  Marla was ahead of me walking fast.  Each time I stopped to take a picture, the distance increased.  Pretty soon Marla was over two hundred yards ahead of me.

I noticed that Marla was getting closer and closer to the mysterious light that crossed the road.  My heart sank when she didn't bother to stop.  Soon enough, I discovered that although it was indeed an entrance, it was blocked by an iron gate.  My heart dropped.  

As we continued to walk the dangerous roadway, it seemed like Marla kept getting further and further ahead.  If the science of body language is accurate, I would assume she was sending me a pretty clear message she wasn't at all happy about this. 

Do you blame her?  Marla felt she was in danger.  At the time I remember being worried that a car could take her out at any moment and I would have a horror story on my conscience for the rest of my life.

Yes, I was definitely in the doghouse.  This was supposed to have been a lovely walk through a beautiful park.  How was I supposed to know there was no access to the stupid garden?   Instead we were forced to risk our lives walking along this treacherous road.  Maybe this "do-it-yourself" tourist adventure wasn't such a good idea after all.

Our walk down Via Fornacci was nearly a mile.  The dangerous walk covered half a mile.  What an ordeal.  This one-way street was a freeway.  These cars were supposed to drive fast.  I cringed every time a car approached. These speeding bullets took a serious toll on my nerves.  I was literally scared for my life as I cautiously made my way.   Although Marla never said another word about it, I have little doubt she felt just as scared as I did.

You can always tell the pioneers by the arrows in their backs.  One car hurtling by at 60 miles an hour missed me by no more than a foot.  The displaced wind from the car was so strong it bounced me up against the wall.  This was nuts!  

Thanks to the Evil Map, we had just risked our lives. 
 

(2012 Footnote:  Thanks to another Rick and Marla argument over directions on a map during our 2012 visit to Tallinn, Estonia,I can now report that three years later, Marla has still not forgiven me for leading us into danger in Rome. 

Now that I am aware that I will be in the doghouse for life when it comes to maps,  I decided to revisit this story of our near demise. 

To be honest, I still have nightmares about our 15 minute walk with the cars hurtling towards us.  It really was just as dangerous as I have described.  I cannot recall another time in my adult life when I have felt more in peril.   RA)

The Park we wanted to cross is behind that wall.  When I looked for
the entrance to Via Nuova Delle Fornaci, these parked cars were in
the exact place where the map had indicated an opening to the park. 

This gave us two choices:  Turn back now or follow Via Fornacci
to the right.  We decided to follow Via Fornacci.
 

Uh oh.  The Via Fornacci Sidewalk ended right here.  Now what?

As you can see, not much room for error.   One careless driver on a
 cell phone and there would no escape. 

That little bitty car doesn't look very threatening in the picture,
but when it comes shooting at you 60 mph, it is terrifying.
If you look closely, Marla is way up ahead.

Up ahead was the light crossing the street that I had seen.  Only one problem: Marla was walking right past it.  Uh oh.

There's the source of the light.  It's an entrance, all right,
 but what good does it do us?  

So much for the GRAND ENTRANCE
to the park promised by the Evil Map

The problem was that my Evil Map was confusing.  Look for yourself.  On the Evil Map, there is no hint of the new Secret Passage.

What it does show is that Via Pancrazio merges with Via Garibaldi. 

This was completely misleading!

The Evil Map made it appear that all we had to do to get to Via Garibaldi was walk straight to it down Via Pancrazio.  Study the area marked by the blue line.

Well, guess what?  In reality, at the end of Via Pancrazio there was a CLIFF!  We were standing at the top of a huge hill.  Now it is true that Via Garibaldi was at the very end of Via Pancrazio if you were willing to jump.  You see, Via Garibaldi was 200 feet below from where we stood staring down at it!  

Was there anything in the Evil Map that warned us a 200 foot drop separated the two streets?  No, of course not. I had been set up again.

Thanks to the problem with the hill, now we were forced to take a long detour.  This marked our fourth bad break of the day.

First,  we missed the Secret Passage to Gianicolense Park. 

Second, the entrance to Gianicolense Park marked on the map was blocked by an iron gate.

Third, we had missed a fairly obvious short cut down to Via Garibaldi because it didn't appear on the Evil Map.

Fourth, the Evil Map had set us up by indicating that Via Pancrazio merged with Via Garibaldi.   In reality it was a dead end unless I wanted to jump off the cliff.  Actually, that was a real possibility. No doubt Marla was considering pushing me off herself.

Like little lab rats that hit the wall of the maze, we could either retrace our route... which would have brought us back to the short cut we had missed... or we could take the obvious right turn and see where it led us.  We decided against backtracking and took the right turn instead.  Now we were locked into a massive detour.   Although it was undeniably a very pretty walk, as you can see from the map above, we were forced to walk at least a mile further than we needed to.  

As you can see from Marla's body language, I was still in the doghouse.  It was about to get worse.  Marla didn't know about the latest Secret Passage that we missed.  Nor did she understand at the time how the Evil Map had confused me.  However, her instincts told her this was taking way too much time.  She was getting very frustrated.

At the bottom of the hill, on the corner of Via Garibaldi and Via Fabrizi, Marla and I had a huge disagreement about which way to go next.  I was surprised by the dispute.  Yes, we were getting some bad breaks, but I also knew we weren't lost.  Maybe Via Garibaldi was a roundabout way, but it was definitely the right direction. 

Marla wasn't so certain. At the bottom of the hill, Marla stopped, looked at her map, and wanted to go south on Via Fabrizi.  I disagreed. I said this wasn't a good idea.  I was certain this was the wrong way.  Unfortunately, I had lost so much credibility that morning that Marla was skeptical of anything I said at this point.  She had run out of patience with me and no longer trusted my judgment.  To her credit, Marla was willing to let me state my case.  She kept studying the map carefully to try to get it right. 

Although Marla did eventually agree to go in my direction, I remember feeling very shaken by the disagreement.  I have a lot of confidence in my ability to read a map.  I remember feeling bewildered by her loss of confidence.  It hurt to realize that she had lost so much respect for my sense of direction.   Yes, it was true that on this latest disagreement I was right, but everyone is right some of the time.  How was Marla supposed to know when I was correct and when I was wrong? 

Marla had a right to doubt me.  I now had three strikes against me when it came to directions in Rome.  My confusion last year over the bus direction to the Borghese Museum was not forgotten.  Today when I ignored her suggestion that we at least explore the secret passage to the park, I had doomed us to the scary walk (although I still contend I never heard her).  Now this ridiculous time-consuming detour was sapping what little was left of her patience.   Marla didn't have any proof, but she was convinced we must have taken a wrong turn somewhere up above.   This walk was taking forever.

We were both getting very tired.  It is difficult to be patient when you are exhausted.  I think we were both disappointed that our long-awaited 2009 March Across Rome so far had captured absolutely none of the magic and fun of last year's adventure. 

Clearly dispirited by the morning's events, we trudged on.  Fortunately things were about to get better.  The worst part of the day was behind us.

Via Garibaldi took us through an area of Rome known as Trastavere.  It is supposed to be a great section of town for nightlife, but during the day I can assure you the area is very quiet.

The Evil Map said the two streets merged, but when we got to the end of Via Pancrazio, we discovered that Via Garibaldi was actually 200 feet below at the bottom of Janiculum Hill.

The long detour down the hill which added half an hour to our walk

Marla is definitely not happy.  She is studying the map trying to decide whether to trust my interpretation or not.  As the results would show, my interpretation was correct.  However, my credibility had fallen to zero. 

WE CROSS THE TIBER RIVER

Curious about Trastavere, I took a quick peek at my guide book. 

I learned we were traversing the ancient slums of Rome.  The book said that Trastavere was a ghetto in ancient Rome.  The Tiber River served as the dividing line between the poor and the rich.  The famous Servian Wall built to defend Rome stopped right in front of Trastavere on the other side of the Tiber. 

There was no civic planning in the ghetto... people built wherever they could.  That is how Trastevere developed its narrow, winding, irregular streets.  The streets were so narrow there was no space for carriages to pass. Ever since then, Trastevere has remained a maze of narrow streets.   I frowned at this note.  No wonder we kept getting lost. 
 
Twenty minutes later we made it to the Tiber River.  About two hours had passed since we got off the train.  It was now close to 1 pm.  This had turned into much longer walk than we had expected.   When does the fun start?

Our spirits lifted somewhat after we crossed the Tiber using the Sisto Bridge.  We knew we were finally getting pretty close to the Roman Forum. 

As we walked along the Tiber River, we came to the famous Isola Tiberina, aka Tiber Island.  The Tiber Island is a boat-shaped island which has long been associated with healing. It is the only island in the Tiber River which runs through Rome.

As you can see, there are bridges on either side of the island.  We saw lots of people on the banks of the island laying on the grass as a lazy way to view the river.  In addition, there were quite a few fishermen.  It is a very pretty area.  In case you are curious, that impressive building on the island is a hospital.

Now that we had crossed the Tiber, Marla and I wandered around.  As usual, we were unsure how to read the Evil Map, so we ended up climbing a mysterious large hill to investigate. 

Little did we know we had accidentally climbed up Capitoline Hill, one of Rome's famous Seven Hills. Coming in from the back, we had no idea what to expect.  

At the top of the hill, we walked through a row of buildings.  Suddenly we emerged onto this amazing plaza, the Piazza Campidoglio.  Apparently this wonderful place had been designed by Michelangelo.  I gasped.  The statues in this place were unbelievable!

Neptune.  Hmm.  Interesting picture.
 

This statue of Marcus Aurelius dominates the square. 
That building is the Palazzo Senatorio

Jupiter