Day Three - The Trip to
Haleakala on Maui
Story written by Rick Archer
JAMES COOK - THE MAN WHO WOULD BE
The Man Who Would Be King is a short story
Kipling in 1888. , In 1975, Kipling's story
was made into a terrific adventure movie starring Sean Connery and Michael Caine
The plot involved two British scalawags who venture into a
wilderness area north of India known as Kafiristan. Aligning
with a Kafiri tribe, the two rogues use their weaponry (20 rifles)
and superior understanding of warfare to help the tribe begin to
conquer their enemies.
One day in the middle of battle the Connery character is struck
square in the heart with an arrow. Amazingly, he is unhurt because
it hits a hidden iron medallion. Seeing that Connery has an
arrow stuck deep in his heart, the warriors are stunned to see him
survive without even a drop of blood. Now they all believe that Connery
is a God. They prostrate themselves on the battlefield and the war ends immediately.
Connery is now the King!
The riches of the Kingdom are his on one condition - he cannot marry
the most beautiful woman in the land! Connery is a God and the
woman would go up in smoke! He defies this ridiculous custom and marries her anyway, but
with terrible consequences. Terrified at marrying a god, the
girl bites Connery when he tries to kiss her. Seeing him bleed, the
priests cry, "He is not god, not devil, but a man!"
As they say, the jig was up. At this point, the Kafiris
turned against the white men.
Captain James Cook
During my trip to Hawaii, I took the time to study the story of Captain James
Cook. Cook is the British explorer who is given credit as the first European
to visit the Hawaiian Islands. As I watched his tale unfold, I
could not help but notice the eerie similarities between Cook's
death and the story of The Man Who Would Be King.
Back around the same time as our American
Revolution, Captain Cook explored the Pacific with
two vessels, the HMS Resolution and the HMS Discovery.
three visits in all to Hawaii. His first visit to Hawaii in January 1778
was very brief. Using information he gained during his visit
to Tahiti, Cook had a pretty good idea where to find these islands.
His voyage took him to the island
of Kauai. Dropping anchor in Waimea Harbor, Cook stayed in the
area only long enough to named the
archipelago the Sandwich Islands in honor of the
fourth Earl of Sandwich, the acting First Lord of the Admiralty.
As an odd footnote, this Earl also became
very famous for a
new food invention known as the 'sandwich'. Like the Hawaiian
Islands, the sandwich was named for him. The Earl got the
credit for both events even though he had
nothing to do with either one of them. He was so famous that Gene Chandler even wrote a
song about him - The Duke of Earl.
day as I eat my daily peanut butter sandwich, I can't help but think
about this guy. Too bad we can't all become famous for doing
Cook did not stay long at Kauai. He wanted to depart Kauai to continue
his explorations. Soon Cook would visit Alaska, Vancouver, and
much of the California coast. He was the first European to
explore all these locations.
A year later in 1779, it was time to turn around and head
back to England. On the way Cook returned to the Hawaiian Islands
to have a more extensive look.
Captain Cook's next visit to Hawaii aboard the
HMS Resolution created a huge sensation. As he docked in
Kealakekua Bay on the Big Island, can you imagine
the shock the islanders
experienced when these enormous sailing ship entered their waters?
Compared to their canoes, they had to be dumb-founded by the
appearance of these colossal ships.
However Cook had landed in Kauai a year
earlier without anywhere near this much fanfare. So what was
different this time?
By chance, there was an ancient prophecy that someday a
Polynesian God known as Lono, God of the Harvest, would appear in Hawaii.
This legend was well known throughout the islands. Since
Cook's arrival coincided with the Makahiki, a Hawaiian
harvest festival of worship for Lono, the natives were fooled into
believing this was the return of their Polynesian god.
had picked a very good time to make his appearance. I am not
sure if Cook looked 'god-like', but he certainly looked different. He and his men were
the first Caucasians the islanders had ever seen. Their
unusual appearance and their weird clothing certainly marked them as
With their amazing ships, the magic of their fire-breathing
muskets which could deal instant death, and their use of iron metal
which did not exist on the islands, who could blame the Island people for assuming Cook was
the God Lono coming back to pay the island a visit?
As you might guess, the Hawaiians welcomed the
visitors with open arms. They greeted Cook as the deity Lono and his
men as highly-placed beings. Cook had
gotten very lucky indeed.
Nor did he do anything to dispel their confusion. Why not
enjoy the free ride?
For the next month, Cook's men lived the lives that sailors can only
dream of. They had their pick of the island women, they were
waited on hand and foot, food was brought to them constantly, they
were treated like rock stars wherever they went, and they had no
responsibilities. So they spent their time eating, drinking,
and chasing women.
Unfortunately the sailors behaved like louts. They abused the
women, they pushed the men around, and they wore out their welcome.
Little did they know that they were creating a great deal of
resentment among the Hawaiian people. Or more likely they did
know, but couldn't care less.
Consequently when they finally sailed off into the sunset, the general attitude was
good riddance to the entire lot of them. Lono God
or No God, the natives had tired of the freeloaders.
However, that's when fate paid a cruel trick on Captain Cook.
Shortly after leaving the Big Island, his
ship was crippled when the foremast of the
Resolution broke. No way he could
sail the Pacific Ocean in this condition.
Cook had no choice but to turn around. The ships
returned to Kealakekua Bay for repairs.
This time however the reception was very
unfriendly. The Islanders clearly resented the return of the
British sailors. They resented feeding these men all the time
and they had a new grudge as well. One thing the British did
not know was during their recent stay they had given many of the
women on the island a bad case of the clap. Not only were the
women suffering in a lot of pain, the men were cut off in the
process. No wonder the entire population was angry!
I suppose you think I am kidding, but actually I am not.
Although this is not something you will read in Wikipedia, I did
find an article that pointed out this problem in gruesome detail.
Unfortunately the British sailors did nothing to
defuse the situation. These were the days of the British
Empire. The British were used to getting their way wherever
they went. They were busy making enemies across the globe -
India, Africa, America - with their arrogance. These natives
were no different. The British expected the natives to
continue to provide them with food and women whether the Hawaiians
liked it or not.
As you might guess, tensions grew high but the British more or less
ignored it. One day the islanders stole a small boat from the
ships. Cook decided not to tolerate this impudence.
February 13, 1779,
took several boats ashore. Then he tried to take Kalaniopuu,
the Chief of Hawaii, hostage until the boat was returned.
The Hawaiians prevented this action by throwing rocks.
This revolt took the British by surprise. Holding the
islanders in such low esteem, they had brought only a limited force
from the ship. Yes, the British did have superior weapons, but
those rifles could only shoot one bullet at a time. By the
time they reloaded, those rocks were flying (and there are lots of
rocks on the Hawaiian Islands!). The mob just kept getting angrier.
Badly outnumbered, Cook's men had no choice but to retreat to their
boats on the beach and try to escape.
That's when it happened. Cook was involved in serious hand-to-hand
combat with the native Hawaiians, highly unusual behavior for a God.
Just as Cook turned his back to help launch the nearest boat, he was struck on
the head by one of the rocks.
Blood began to run down his face from the wound.
The Hawaiians gasped! Cook bled just like any other
human being! Cook was definitely not an immortal God!
Angry at being deceived, the fight turned even uglier. The mob
crowded in and knocked Cook over. He fell face down in the
water. While he struggled for air, the natives stomped him
viciously and stabbed him to death.
At this point the Hawaiians dragged his lifeless body away. Four of the Marines with Cook were
also killed and two more were wounded in the confrontation.
It happened so fast the British were helpless to do anything
about it. The
survivors launched their boats and took off in a humiliating retreat
to save their own skins.
Captain James Cook has every right to be
acknowledged as one of the great explorers in history. He made three
extensive voyages that took him to the far ends of the globe.
He was a courageous man who made these trips without the benefit of
maps. He was the first European to visit many Pacific
locations. Indeed, Australia owes it British heritage thanks
to James Cook's visit in 1770. Cook's voyages brought not only
fame and glory, they made him a national hero in England.
As to his untimely death, there is a lot of danger
involved in exploring far lands. Great adventure carries great
risk. Therefore his tragic fate should not be considered a
In the matter of his demise, Cook's many admirers have gone to great lengths to
sanitize his reputation. As such,
Cook has often been depicted as a peacemaker who died a senseless
accidental death in his brave attempt to stop the needless fighting
between the sailors and the native Hawaiians. In other words,
it was the sailors who were at fault, not Cook who was unaware of
the problems until it was too late.
However in our modern 'Dance With Wolves'
Era of Revisionism, people now examine past conflicts between
imperialist nations and indigenous people using a more jaundiced
eye. Considering that his violent nature was reported upon by his contemporaries on
many occasions, today's historians suspect that Cook got exactly
what he deserved.
In the end, Cook died just like The Man Who
Would be King. The parallels are so similar you have
to wonder if Kipling used this incident as a model to help write his
short story one hundred years later.
Marla and I consider our visit to Mount Haleakala
to be one of the real
highlights of our entire trip.
Studying the picture above, you will see the landscape of Haleakala
resembles something out of this world.
This dormant volcano probably has not erupted since the 1600s so a
trip to the top did not feel particularly risky.
Haleakala is so immense that it comprises 75% of the island.
It is a monster mountain. Fortunately it is very accessible by
car. A well traveled, modern and quite curvy road leads all
the way to the top of this spectacular mountain.
They say it is also possible to use your own or a rented bicycle to
go up and/or down the mountain, but I cannot imagine the mindset of
the human being who uses a bike to ascend this behemoth.
In addition to visiting the wonderful viewing
station at the top of the mountain, Marla and I took a highly
recommended side trip as well. We told the park ranger we had
only enough time to visit one place. We asked if he could he
suggest something. The park ranger said he knew exactly where
to send us. He told us about a viewing ridge that requires a
1.5-mile hike from the main road. He said this ridge allows
you to see the same vast valley illustrated in the first picture.
Well, the ranger was correct. Not only was the hike
extremely pleasant, the payoff once we got there was stunning.
I would estimate the ridge was about half a mile above the valley.
We could see forever! This valley was quite a sight to behold.
The immensity of the area was so vast and the bizarre moonscape
below was a joy to experience. It is almost impossible to
convey the experience using words. The view was too wonderful.
If you compare the two large pictures, the huge valley in red
at the top of the picture correlates with the view in the
photograph. Do you see all the little cones? The big
crater contains a dozen smaller volcano cones.
I thought I would post an exciting picture of Marla and her map as
she and I begin our walk down to the viewing ridge.
That red area at the top of the picture is the red
'cone field'. I have to be honest - this picture doesn't do
justice to the vision.
Do you see any people in this picture?
Do you even see a trail?
I can give you an idea how
vast this valley is.
Let's play a game!
First locate the red X
in the picture above.
The red X
marks a dark rock formation. Now locate this same rock
in the upper right corner of both pictures. Do you see the
trail now? This should give you an idea how far away I was!
On the left, the red arrow
you two dots.
Those dots are
two people! In the picture on the right, they are gone.
They looked like tiny ants to me.
Here's a funny story. About eighteen minutes after I
took the picture that included the two people, out of nowhere a
woman (see picture below) came running past Marla and me. If
you find the Red X
marks the same dark rock formation, you will see she came a long way.
15 minutes time,
this woman had RUN all the way from that
red spot along that trail
to where I had taken the picture from high above.
Where did she come from? I was so stunned
by her sudden appearance - it was like being visited by Wonder Woman
- that I was speechless! As she raced by us with a smile, I
wished I had taken her picture, but she was quickly gone. And
it wasn't like I could catch her either.
By chance, eighteen minutes later she came back, this time
accompanied by her Black Labrador. This time I got the courage
to talk to her. I asked her if I could take her picture.
She smiled and said sure. I took the opportunity to ask a
Yes, she had been one of the two dots down in the valley. The
other dot was her husband who was still down there waiting for her.
Yes, she had RUN all the way up that trail. She had passed us in
order to go to her car and fetch her dog. And now she had to
go back down to meet her husband.
But wait, one more question! Are you a triathlete?
Yes. She competes every year in the Iron Man competition
(three endurance events - a 2.4 mile ocean swim, a 112 mile bike
ride and finally a 26 mile Marathon). And now she had to run.
As she raced away, I did some rough math. To fetch her dog in
the same parking lot as my car, she had made a 3-mile round trip in
18 minutes. The world record for the mile is about 4 minutes.
This woman had just run 3 six-minute miles! And half of it was
I felt my body tingle with amazement. This woman had to be
from another planet. I shook my head in awe.
It was time for Marla and I to return to our car. And yes, it
took us 25 minutes or so to get there. This amazing woman was
easily three times as fast as we were.
The Magic Show with Warren Gibson
Another highlight of our trip was a visit to the
"Warren and Annabelle's Magic Show" that night over in Lahaina, one
of Maui's major ports.
I heard about Warren Gibson's magic show here at the studio.
One night I was talking to my friends Laury Adams and Brent Barker
here at the studio. When I mentioned my upcoming cruise to
Hawaii, they asked if I would be visiting Maui.
When I said yes, they enthusiastically persuaded me to go see
Warren's Magic Show. They were so adamant that I convinced it
was worth checking out.
Right before Marla and I left for our trip to Haleakala, I ran into
Jim and Denise Duncan and Rick Elizondo and Lin Mills as they walked
past on the ship. We got to talking and I ended up inviting
them to join Marla and me for the evening's festivities. They
were intrigued and said they would definitely check it out.
"Check it out?" That statement baffled me. How do check
things out when you are cut off from civilization?
What I did not know was that Jim had this amazing
system in his car that allowed him to access the Internet while the
two couples drove around the island.
I always assumed that I was up on the latest technology, but this
one was new to me. The ability to access the Internet no
matter where they went was quite an advantage.
So they checked out the Magic Show online and decided it was a good
idea. So they made reservations over the Internet using
Warren's website while they were sightseeing during the day.
Then they called on their cell phone and said they would join us for
cocktails and dinner beforehand with the show to follow.
The show turned out to everything Laury and Brent had promised me.
Warren was a great magician, but even better was his sense of humor.
Playing one trick on people after another, he then took advantage of
their confusion by teasing them in the process.
As long as you weren't the object of his humor, it was all very
funny stuff indeed. And the magic was very impressive too.
Warren loves to make things disappear - cards, wrist watches, silver
dollars, etc, disappeared with alarming regularity. Even
though there were people sitting just a few feet from Warren's
center of operations, no one could figure out how he pulled off his
tricks. To me, Warren's best trick was making a heavy bowling
ball disappear right before our eyes - TWICE!
Now I have heard the hand is faster than the eye, but you would
think a bowling ball would present too much of a challenge.
Not for Warren! All six of us left the show thoroughly
impressed and thoroughly entertained.
June 2008 - Glenn and Marissa
In June 2008, Marla's only daughter Marissa
got married to Glenn Hebert. When I found out they were going
to vacation in Lahaina, I insisted they go see Warren. But I
kept worrying that they would get preoccupied and skip the show.
So at the last minute I bought them tickets. I decided to
leave nothing to chance. The problem was that the web site
asked for their cell phone numbers and where they would be staying.
I didn't have this information, so I told them to email me if it was
To my surprise, it was important. A couple days later, I got
this email from Warren's assistant Deborah
Thank you for your reservation. I will change the
name on our guest list to Glenn and
Marissa Hebert. We always reconfirm all our reservations, to let
them know everyone must have photo ID's and sweaters for the
gals!! If you do not have their cell
number, may I have the name of the hotel they are
staying in. We can contact them there.
My eyes lit up. Look what we have here.
Sure enough, I had Warren's email address! Hmm. I have
So I wrote back to Deborah.
Here is my letter.
Thank you so much,
Deborah, for your follow-up email. In Marissa's case, she will
need that photo ID. She is 25, but can look like she is 15 if
she decides to skip makeup. Very pretty girl incidentally.
"Sir, do you have a $100 bill in your wallet?"
Glenn and Marissa got married yesterday and are flying to your
island as I type. It was a last-second gift. I told them again
and again to go see Warren, but at the last minute I wanted to
leave nothing to chance. I will get you that
By the way,
I have a favor to ask. Is there
any chance you could talk Warren into picking on these guys?
I know from experience how Warren likes to
torture his front row of guests. This
lovely couple of 25-year old honeymooners will be easy pickings
for him. They don't even have a CLUE how clever he is. They just
know he comes highly recommended.
When I saw Warren's show last summer, he was asking about for a
$100 bill. Why he thought I
looked wealthy enough to have a $100 bill is beyond me, but the
moment he saw me, his eyes just stayed glued to me. Warren can
obviously spot the moron in every crowd. I think I had already
fallen for his "I know the Capital of every Country" trick, so
he knew he had a ripe one. (The capital
of Cuba is C, the capital of Swaziland is S, etc, hahaha)
I responded that I wasn't sure, but I would look.
He smiled. "You don't know what's in your own wallet?"
Like a moron I answered, "My wife hands me some money and I just
stick it in my wallet. I haven't
checked, but I will."
Warren had a field day with that one. "What
else does she help you with? Does
she tie your tie? Does she help
you with your shoe laces? Does
she pick your shirt out in the morning?" The crowd was roaring
at my expense and there wasn't a thing I could do about it
except wonder why I hadn't been more careful choosing what I
I was six feet coming in to the show and about five feet going
out. I survived. Besides, if you believe in karma, I had it
coming. I teach dancing for a living and I tease people all the
time in my classes. I was due for a taste of my own medicine.
And now I would like to see my son and daughter suffer a little.
It will be good for them.
Anything Warren can do to ruin their honeymoon will be just fine
with me. No one can ruin a honeymoon better than Warren!
I watched him turn several newlyweds into pretzels last summer.
I sent them to you, now I would be thrilled if Warren would be
so kind as to finish them off. I would offer extra money, but
knowing Warren, he would do it just for the sheer joy of it!
By the way, I haven't warned them about anything other than to
watch the bowling ball trick carefully and tell me how he does
it when they come back. Although Glenn is not even remotely a
smart mouth like me, at least I can promise he will be totally
off-guard. He is so happy right now I can't imagine him anything
but prey for Warren. Glenn thinks he is going for a magic show.
Warren does put on wonderful show. My wife and I still talk
about it to every friend getting ready to head to the fine state
of Hawaii. Warren's show and Haleakala were the hits of my
trip... but don't tell Warren; with his ego he will wonder why
he had to share the glory with Haleakala.
for the entertaining email. It does sound like Warren had a ball at
your expense. I can tell by your email that you have a great sense
I put in the notes "requesting hot seats for Glenn and Marissa."
Please understand that we don't reserve the hot seats in advance.
Warren has specific criteria he is looking for in regards to his hot
seats and he has told the managers to look out for those criteria.
The manager that evening will look over the audience while they are
seated in Annabelle's Parlor, and choose 4 couples, based on
Warren's criteria. Since I added the notes to your reservation, he
will aim to honor your request, however, he knows what Warren is
looking for, and I can't say for sure who he will pick that night.
But, it sounds like they should fit the bill!!! In any event,
I know they will have a fabulous evening.
So take one guess who Warren picked on all
evening? Hint - You don't have to be a magician to figure this
one out. He picks on people naturally, but when is asked to
pick on someone as a favor, Warren really goes to town.
Here is letter that tells to the story. Glenn wrote this
letter after the Honeymoon to tell everyone in his family how things
went on Maui. As you will see, my clever idea worked to
"Later that night, we got ready
for Warren and Annabelle's Magic show. Marla and Rick had bought
us tickets to this show that had earned rave reviews, and that
they had enjoyed when they traveled to Maui. We entered this
Magic parlor with 14 other people where we were instantly
trapped in a room which we had to solve a riddle to get out of.
I figured out there was an exit through this bookcase and the
door opened into a piano bar/restaurant.
There was a ghost that played the
piano and took requests from the audience, which was cool, and
we were served appetizers and cocktails. Little did we know that
Rick, the sly devil that he is, had e-mailed the management team
and requested that Marissa and I be chosen to participate in the
show. Well, it worked!
The manager asked us before the show started if we wanted
to help Warren with some of his tricks. Marissa replied "I don't
have to get up, do I?" We agreed
to help, and boy did we! Warren
made quite an example out of me,
nicknaming me "Gomer" from the old TV show.
He even stole a kiss from Marissa.
The show was a blast, and we could not figure out any of
this guy's tricks. He performed a lot of sleight of hand type
tricks, and told some pretty clever jokes. One of the jokes,
among many were at my expense. He asked me to leave the theater
and go back to the restaurant to get a server and a water for
him and myself. I thought something was a little fishy, but I
played along. I go to get the water
and ask the manager to send in a waiter immediately, he posts me
up at the bar where the bartender tells me to order anything I
wanted. I asked for the 2 waters as instructed but he told me
that Warren would give me a hard time if I showed up with water.
I knew he was setting me up, so I order a crown and coke and a
smoothie for Marissa anyway. I get back to the show and Warren
asks me "who paid for the drinks?" to which I answered, "You
from the audience as he looked at me in disbelief and told me
that he would get me back. Which he did. While I was gone he
told the audience that he would tell a joke that made absolutely
no sense at all and that after he told it for everyone to scream
with laughter. The joke would be to watch my reaction, if I
would conform and laugh or act confused, etc.
So I return
and he tells the stupid joke that made absolutely no
sense. A roar of laughter fills the
audience. I kind of chuckle and look
around. Then Warren gives all of us high fives, including me.
Then someone says that they didn't get the joke, and he tells it
The guy then starts laughing hysterically afterward, along with
the rest of the audience and Marissa does not let on for a
second! I look at her and say, "I don't get what's so damn funny
about this joke, it makes no sense." Then I look behind me and
everyone in the audience is staring right at me including
Warren.. I get it now, I throw my hands up in the air and admit
that he pulled a fast one on me. Lucky
It was great, and a big thanks to Rick and Marla for making that
happen for us."