Here are the Chapters in this month's Newsletter:

THE SEPTEMBER CARIBBEAN DANCE CRUISE ABOARD THE CARNIVAL CONQUEST
MAUREEN BRUNETTI HITS 20 YEAR MARK AS SSQQ INSTRUCTOR
THE 2006 NEW ENGLAND CRUISE WRITEUP IS COMPLETE 
THE PICTURES & STORY OF THE LOUVRE MUSEUM
JUNE CLASS HIGHLIGHTS AND DANCE PARTIES
THE TEXAS CLASSIC FEATURING SCOTT LADELL AND SIX SSQQ LADIES
BALLROOM DANCING WITH YOUR HORSE
Story in the news: The $67 MILLION DRY CLEANING LAWSUIT
SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE - 4 new stories!
2  STORIES IN THE NEWS: MISDIAGNOSED MAN IS NOW HOPELESSLY BROKE/ HOUSTON WOMAN ROBBED AT ATM MACHINE
BALLROOM DANCING ON THURSDAYS.  THE CHANDELIER BALLROOM - next visit June 2nd
PARKING PROBLEMS ON FIRST STREET - Two Stories written by women who were ticketed and towed!
STORY IN THE NEWS: SURVIVAL BUSINESS DENIES MAN WATER IN DESERT; HE DIES OF THIRST
THE SSQQ INTELLIGENCE TEST FOR SAMRT PEOPLE
THE SSQQ ARCHIVES:  THE FOUR MOST DANGEROUS ROADS IN THE WORLD!
NON-COMPLAINT LETTERS TO THE EDITOR.  I HEARD FROM 2 LONG-LOST FRIENDS: APRILLE & LANITA!
A FATHER'S DAY STORY
COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH: ARGUMENT ABOUT A 15 YEAR OLD GIFT CERTIFICATE
COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH TWO: RICK ROLLS HIS EYES AT HOW ONE COMPANY DOES BUSINESS
JOKE OF THE MONTH: LETTY DOUGHERTY'S PICTURE JOKE

FAVORITE STORIES FROM PREVIOUS ISSUES

01. ANNOUNCING THE 2007 SEPTEMBER SSQQ DANCE CRUISE    CONQUEST 2007
Sunday, September 23rd thru Sunday, Sept 30th

104 People going as of May 12.

Well, everybody, get ready.  The Sea You in September Dance Party is on.   The whole gang is back for more!

The Alpha Hussy is back, the Center of Attention is ready to cause more trouble, Mr. Handsome is back, and of course the Jammer - Gary Richardson - is back to take more incriminating pictures plus spin the DJ music. 

Something incredible happened on Monday, April 24 - Everybody decided to sign up at once!  Marla signed up 33 people in the space of four days.  

Marla says there is still plenty of room.  Register today and join all the fun!
Please complete the Registration Form. You may email, fax or bring it to the studio and we will get you onboard.

Contact Marla Archer at 713 862-4428 or e-mail marla@ssqq.com with any further questions.

CONQUEST 2007

READ THE STORY OF THE 2006 CARIBBEAN TRIP

CHAPTERS

02. MAUREEN BRUNETTI HITS THE 20 YEAR MARK!

-----Original Message-----
From: Maureen Brunetti
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2007 2:51 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: RE: #56

I realized I've been at the studio for 20 years. I started as a student
in April, 1987, when I first moved here from Philadelphia. I'd been
taking lessons and competing there. I almost didn't move here
because my dance package was not yet up and I had a few more events scheduled… oh well, here I am 20 years later!

Editor's Note: Maureen came to SSQQ as a big part of our Studebaker Generation.  Maureen's dancing was exceptional from the very start.  To this day, I don't think I have ever danced with a woman who could turn faster or better than Maureen.  She is lightning quick, faster than a speeding bullet.

Maureen also just happens to be brilliant.  One of my favorite memories of Maureen came on the 1998 Jamaica Cruise.  During the evenings, we played Trivial Pursuits. A lady named Lindy was the dominant player.  After losing the first game by a narrow margin, Lindy was a Trivial Pursuits Godzilla in Game 2, beating my team on a Sports Question (my turf) no less. 

I was so disgusted at being beat by a girl on a sports question that I decided to set up a third match. I had brought a Trivial Pursuits game of my own and offered "Silver Screen" as the venue for the championship. However when Lindy cleverly chose my ex-wife, Judy Archer, an expert at old movies, to be on her team, I figured it was the fate of the Titanic for my team. We were toast.

To my shock and joy, Maureen turned out to be a regular Silver Screen Hot Shot in her own right. Maureen single-handedly carried my team to victory with one unbelievable answer after another.

CHAPTERS

03. THE STORY OF THE 2006  NEW ENGLAND CRUISE

The SSQQ New England was both amazing and frustrating at the same time. 

On the positive side, we had our chance to see the changing leaves in the fall and some of the most beautiful scenery in the entire country.  Visits to Martha's Vineyard, Acadia National Park, and New Hampshire's White Mountains revealed breath-taking vistas. New England is truly a gorgeous place to live.

We also got a chance to see history come alive with trips to Salem Village, New Brunswick, and of course by roaming around Boston.

However some of our excitement was tempered by the inexplicable rudeness and inefficiency of a cruise staff rumored to be the worst in the Royal Caribbean fleet.  You will simply have to read the story to understand the level of the incompetence we ran into. CURSE OF THE JEWEL

Plus we had a couple who crashed our group even though we warned them not to.  That was a weird event.

According to one person who commented to me, this was the most interesting cruise story yet.  The pictures alone are worth taking a look at and the story is equally good.   NEW ENGLAND CRUISE

CHAPTERS

04. THE PICTURES & STORY OF THE LOUVRE MUSEUM PLUS THE GREAT SSQQ ART MYSTERY

Back in January 2007, Gary Richardson sent me a power point presentation of the famous Louvre Museum in Paris, France.

As you know, the Louvre has been in the public eye for the past few years thanks to the runaway best-seller Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.

So of course I knew about the Louvre, but Knowing is one thing, Seeing is another.  When I took a peek at the pictures of the paintings and sculptures in the Power Point, I was astounded by the beauty.

The Power Point Presentation was my second exposure to art in recent days.  Back in April, Marla and I visited the French Masters exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts here in Houston. 

And, by coincidence, I am currently reading The Messenger by Daniel Silva, which uses a long-lost painting Van Gogh to advance the plot of this counter-terrorism thriller.

Since I was already in the mood, it didn't much for this magnificent  Louvre presentation to push me over the edge.  Suddenly I found myself becoming an art enthusiast. Better late than never, I suppose.  I immediately felt compelled to share these magnificent pictures with the rest of you.  So I posted the pictures on the ssqq web site complete with some history about the Louvre.

However, in so doing, I came to the realization that I wished I knew more about the history of each painting.

I poked around on the Internet one day, but only came up with about ten titles out of 50 pictures.  I was hoping that as the rest of you visit the Louvre presentation, our readers might recognize some of the pictures and email the names to me. 

Surely we have some art historians in our midst, yes?  For example, my friend Sam Longoria, who has taken several Tango classes at SSQQ, is an accomplished artist in his own right with pictures on display at galleries here in Houston.  I bet Sam knows the names of many of these paintings.  After all, we aren't talking about obscure paintings.  These are among the most famous paintings in the world.

If you identify the name and artist of a picture, send it to me.  In our next Newsletter, I will post the results of our Louvre Museum identity quiz complete with the names of the people who identified the pictures!

Don't be surprised if you fall in love like I did.  One of these days, we are simply going to have to ask Marla to organize a trip to Paris.  This Louvre Museum is calling to me! 

Teresa Chardola, one of Linda Cook's favorite Salsa assistants, has already offered to be our guide.  Teresa lived in Paris for some time and speaks fluent French.   So let's all go!

LOUVRE MUSEUM

Send any information about the paintings to Rick Archer, dance@ssqq.com  

CHAPTERS

05. THE JUNE CLASS HIGHLIGHTS – CLASSES BEGIN the week of Sunday, June 3.

Remember – if you miss the first week of class, you can always start in the second week. The Second Week Review will catch you up.  SSQQ SCHEDULE

For even more detail on many of the classes listed below, please visit the EXTRA

Special classes for JUNE include:
 

SUNDAY AT 4:30: JUNE HUSTLE  - Scott 
Hustle is the famous Disco Dance from the 70s. It is also a cult favorite here at SSQQ.

Hustle is best used to Disco music and soft R&B hits. This flashy partner dance is a clever combination of Swing footwork and Latin hip motion. Taught on Sundays at 4:30, this dance was first known as the "Latin Hustle" when it was the major partner dance back in the Saturday Night Fever Disco era.

Scott Ladell has worked magic with his Hustle class in past years. In 2006, his class was so popular that it went for five months. That was pretty impressive. You will be pleased to note that this accomplishment was no accident. Scott is considered one of the best Hustle teachers in the city and has earned the loyal following he has developed.

Scott's class in May had 50 people in it. 
 

SUNDAY AT 7: Dakota Wilhelm's ACCELERATED BALLROOM FOXTROT II. 
One of the most popular classes at SSQQ is Dakota's upper-level Ballroom course.  For people who are already Advanced Ballroom dancers, Dakota aims to challenge his class with the toughest patterns in a different dance every two months.  Currently he is working on Foxtrot. 
 

SLOW DANCE AND WEDDING LESSONS
Quick reminder that we will no longer be teaching SLOW DANCE as a regular four-week group class.  That said, there are special occasions like the First Dance at a wedding, a fancy New Years Eve party, a romantic standard at the Captain's Reception on a cruise, or a sultry torch song at a nightclub where the ability to Slow Dance would sure come in handy.  If you are getting married or would simply like to learn to Slow Dance, Marla Archer can teach you SLOW DANCE, WALTZ, or FOXTROT in a private lesson.  Contact her at marla@ssqq.com   

Marla teaches an average of 5 private lessons a week to couples who need to learn how to Slow Dance, Foxtrot, or Waltz at their Wedding Reception. If you know someone who needs to prepare for this important moment, read Marla’s story about her Wedding Dance experiences, please visit:  WEDDING LESSONS 
 

MONDAY AT 7: ADVANCED SWING AND JITTERBUG
Advanced Swing and Jitterbug on Mondays currently has four levels.  You may take these four levels in any order you wish. 

The class covers all the double turns and fancy patterns that Swing is famous for.
 

MONDAY AT 7: MARTIAN WHIP
Bryan and Lisa’s MARTIAN WHIP on Mondays is an elite class for people who wish to become either top-flight social dancers or competition West Coast Swing dancers. If you are an advanced Whip and West Coast Swing dancer, this is the place to be on Mondays!   In addition to this challenging class, Monday Night Whip Practice became a serious rocking event.   

Bryan Spivey and Lisa became Texas State Whip Champions in 2004.  They were Regional Champions in 2005.  Then in 2006, Bryan finished in the Top 12 of the National West Coast Swing Championships.  In other words, Bryan is currently one of the top 12 male dancers in the country.  Quite an accomplishment!

Please note that permission is necessary to take Martian Whip.  Bryan and Lisa will audition all newcomers at the start of class to see if you are ready.  Auditions are also held during Practice Night on the fourth Monday of each dance semester.

MONDAY AT 7: MARTIAN WHIP TECHNIQUE CLASS
The Technique class is spread over six different months.  This is another way of saying you can take Technique for six months with little repetition in the patterns.  You are welcome to start any month you like.  The first month will be difficult, but if you survive the first month, this class gets a lot easier.

The major goal of the Technique class is to train students in West Coast and Whip syncopations, also known as the Hitch technique.  The Hitch is the gateway to superior WCS dancing.  Mastery of the difficult syncopation on 1-2 (Walk Walk) allows a wide variety of new footwork patterns to develop. 

In addition to constant training in footwork and the Hitch, we also cover all the major patterns in West Coast Swing.  Six months is more than sufficient for this. 

One big advantage is that the Technique class is taught both on Mondays as well as Thursdays.  This gives you the opportunity to come twice for added training or to do make-ups if you have to miss a week.  There is no additional charge.

Entrance into the Technique class assumes you have completed Beginning and Intermediate Whip ahead of time.
 

Tuesday AT 7: TUESDAY SAlsa
Salsa at SSQQ is phenomenal.  We offer Salsa Dancing three times a week: Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

In particular, our biggest Salsa night is Tuesday.  We have averaged close to 300 Salsa dancers on Tuesday Nights for the past several years.  Tuesday is one big party.

 Each Tuesday, there is a Beginning, Intermediate, and Advanced Salsa class that average 80 to 100 people in each class.  In particular, Steve Gekas conducts his elite Advanced Salsa class.  Steve's Advanced Salsa class is considered to be one of the top games in town.

Then after class is over, stay at SSQQ till 11 pm for a free Tuesday Night Practice Dance.  This dance is one heck of a party.  


WEDNESDAY AT 7: SHARON SHAW'S ADVANCED WESTERN WALTZ WEDNESDAYS IN JUNE
Sharon (Crawford) Shaw's legendary Western Waltz program begins anew in April 2007 with a Beginning Western Waltz class, the first step in a five month cycle. Yes, we know that Sharon announced her retirement a year ago, but she had second thoughts after so many people asked her to reconsider.

Sharon taught her first extended Western Waltz class back in April of 2000. In that year, Sharon had over 70 people sign up for Beginning Western Waltz in April. Due to the high energy of the class, naturally we scheduled a follow-up Intermediate class in JUNE. However there was no drop-off! Not only did the same 70 people stick around, the class grew a little bit as experienced Waltz dancers joined in progress to share the fun. Soon the students started begging for more levels. Sharon and her friend John Jones added an Advanced level in June. Then came Super-Advanced in July.

In 2000, Sharon and John stopped at four levels, but when the same thing happened the following year, they found a way to add a fifth month of Western Waltz in 2001.

What makes the class exceptionally fun is that many of the dancers stay after class to practice. Before you know, all that practice pays off - the entire room is wall to wall with beautiful Waltz couples swirling and twirling across the floor! As a result, many of the finest Waltz dancers in Houston claim they owe their skill to Sharon and John's class!

Sharon's Five Month Western Waltz cycle in 2007 marks her eighth year of teaching the best Western Waltz in the entire city. You do not want to miss it.
 

WEDNESDAY AT 7 (AND FRIDAYS TOO): SCOTT LADELL'S SUPER GHOST TOWN
Scott Ladell offers parallel Ghost Towns on Wednesdays and Fridays. This means if you miss one day, you can make it up on the other.  One of the top Western teachers in town, Scott is likely to throw you a curve at any time so watch out!
 

THURSDAY AT 7: BALLROOM DANCING HAS BEEN ADDED TO THURSDAYS IN ADDITION TO SUNDAY.
 

FRIDAY AT 7:  ADVANCED TWOSTEP AND POLKA
Rick and Cher will teach Advanced Twostep and Polka in June 2007.  This class is a one-shot offer.  Adv Twostep and Polka covers everything you would ever want to know about Twostep and Polka Circle Turns (clockwise and counterclockwise), Advanced Twostep and Polka patterns, as well as Synchronized Polka.   

All of this material is offered from time to time in Saturday Night crash courses, but since there is no follow-up, sometimes it is tough to master the material.  This four-week class will have plenty of review so these tricky moves have a chance to sink in.

Do not take this class if you have not completed Beginning Twostep/Polka.  It will move very fast.
 

SATURDAY AT 4:30: Saturday Salsa Explosion
Bjorn and Rebeca Bangstein have moved their Saturday Salsa Explosion on Saturdays to 4:30 pm.  This Super-Advanced Salsa class gives us four different levels of Salsa classes on Saturday afternoons.  Please note Rebeca and Bjorn are going on vacation in July, so take the Explosion in June or wait till August.
 

SATURDAY AT 4:30: RHYTHM AND BLUES TWOSTEPPIN'
Rhythm and Blues Twostep is taught on Saturdays at 4:30 pm by Willie Bushnell and Willie Green. Also known as "Swingout", Rhythm and Blues Twostep is a popular dance used in African-American nightclubs. Taught by Willie Bushnell, R&B Twosteppin' is a partner dance similar to Zydeco. The man and woman first dance in closed position, then the man "swings her out". g!
………………………

TWO DANCE PARTIES IN JUNE

ME DAS FIEBRE SALSA PARTY Saturday, June 16 9:15 pm - Midnight pm Cover charge $7 CRASH COURSES 7-9 pm BEG SALSA - Olga INT SALSA - Martin CUMBIA/TEJANO - Linda MERENGUE - Jill ADVANCED SALSA PATTERNS - Jim SALSA TIMING AND MOVEMENT- Alex

THE AMAZING SSQQ SOCK HOP DANCE Saturday, June 23 9:15 pm - Midnight Cover charge $7 CRASH COURSES 7-9 pm SOCK HOP PARTY LINE DANCES - Rick BEGINNING SWING - Jack DIFFICULT SWING ACROBATICS - Paul (Couples Only) The GREAT GABINO'S FAV ADV SWING PTNS - Steve G BEG WEST COAST SWING - Patty/Joe BRYAN'S WCS STUNTS AND ACROBATICS CLASS - Bryan Spivey (couples only!)

 

(Special Note: we will be teaching the Line Dances for FREE on the following nights from 6-7 pm: We will start with a half-hour class on Sunday, June 10, from 6:30 to 7 pm, then Monday, June 11.  We will have another half-hour class on Sunday, June 17, from 6:30 to 7 pm, then a second Monday, June 12, 6-7. Just show up. No charge.)

CHAPTERS

09. 2007 SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE

In May, we had two weddings and one engagement annoucement.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me take the pleasure announcing the marriage of Lisa Palmer to Bryan Spivey.  You definitely need to read the story!  Bryan and Lisa's Wedding
While I was attending the April 28th Reception for Bryan and Lisa's wedding, I noticed two old friends in the corner of the room that I had not seen for a while.  So I went over for a chat. They looked especially happy.  Suddenly I took an involuntary look down at the young lady's hand.  Lo and behold, I saw a ring!  I soon discovered that Mark Sheppard and Marlies Whitmoyer were not only engaged, they were getting married in two weeks! So I am announcing their marriage under the assumption that everything went as planned last weekend.  Congratulations to both. You can read more about their story at 2007 Romance
This pretty girl just happens to be Marla's lovely daughter Marissa.  Marissa Gorzynski began dating Glenn Hebert in their Senior year of college up at Texas State in San Marcos.  Marissa, who originally went to Kingwood HS, finished up at Texas State in May 2005 as a summa cum laude graduate.   Glenn had a couple more credits to finish and graduated later that summer.  Glenn and Marissa continued their courtship after college here in Houston.  It was so obvious how much Glenn and Marissa were in love, it was just a matter of time till this handsome young man got around to making it official. You can see Glenn and Marissa every Sunday evening in Ballroom class as they prepare to impress the world with their First Dance.  Their wedding is planned for June 2008.  Marla is already a complete mess in anticipation of the blessed event.	Picture from the 2006 SSQQ Rhapsody Cruise
Ben Liles reports that he and his lovely wife Diana attended the wedding of the beautiful Rita Davis and her Waltz partner for life, Lewis Wagner. Apparently Ben's wife Diana and Rita work together at a local hospital, so Ben knows more about the wedding than I do. Ben added that Rita and Lewis met in Sharon (Crawford) Shaw's Western class.

10. STORY IN THE NEWS
 

May 7, 2007, 6:07PM
Misdiagnosed man seeks Compensation

2007 The Associated Press

LONDON — A man who said he spent his life savings after being told he had months to live is seeking compensation after doctors conceded they had got the diagnosis wrong.

John Brandrick, 62, was told two years ago that he had terminal pancreatic cancer, Britain's Press Association news agency reported. He decided to spend his remaining time in style, quitting his job and spending his savings on hotels, restaurants and holidays.

A year later, doctors at the Royal Cornwall Hospital in southwest England revised their diagnosis: Brandrick was suffering from pancreatitis, a non-fatal ailment.

"My life has been turned upside down by this," Brandrick said. "I was told I had limited time to live. I got rid of everything — my car, my clothes, everything."

Brandrick said he did not want to take the hospital to court, "but if they have made the wrong decision they should pay me something back."

The hospital said there was "no clear evidence of negligence" on its part.

"Whilst we do sympathize with Mr. Brandrick's position, clinical review of his case has not revealed that any different diagnosis would have been made at the time based on the same evidence," the hospital said in a statement.
 

(Editor's Note: I am not a doctor so I don't know how similar are the symptoms of pancreatic cancer and pancreatitis.  I do know that the man made legitimate decisions based on a misdiagnosis that have now left him broke.  I think he is entitled to some money.)

12. PARKING PROBLEMS ON FIRST STREET

On Wednesday night, January 31, 2007, the car of an SSQQ student named Maggi Dodds was towed from First Street by order of the Bellaire Police.

Adding insult to injury, Ms. Dodds was also ticketed for parking in a NO PARKING ANYTIME zone.

I did not witness Ms. Dodd's car being towed. Nor did I find out about this event until the next day. I believe Ms. Dodds car was gone before we even knew what was going on.

However at 9:15 that evening I did intervene in the towing of a second vehicle. In addition I engaged a Bellaire policeman in a lengthy conversation.

We saved the second vehicle from being towed, but the incident shook up everyone who witnessed the event. When the other people heard about it from me or the other witnesses, they too were shaken up.

Naturally this incident provoked a great deal of anger. The towing incident seemed so unnecessary that people questioned the judgment of the Bellaire Police Department and the City Government.

(The rest of this article contains maps, pictures, and several stories. If you are an SSQQ student, this is MUST READ because at issue is the safety of your vehicle. First Street Parking Problems

SPECIAL MAY 2007 NOTE:  Two of the women who were ticketed and towed decided to fight their in court.  Maggi Dodds and Peggy Solovyov both won their cases, but not without a great deal of suffering and wasted time.

Both women were kind enough to share their stories.  It makes for very interesting reading.

DESERT DEATH STORY: You Be the Judge

Obviously in retrospect, if the guides had known how serious Mr. Buschow's condition was, they would have given Mr. Buschow the much-needed water.

Similar incidents have been reported with teenagers dying in the summer heat as they underwent conditioning exercises to prepare for football season.  Coaches will withhold water to toughen them up, a very risky move.  Heat and football are a dangerous mix. For example, a professional football player from the Vikings died of heat stroke during training camp in August 2001.
 
And of course Boot Camp Drill Instructors are legendary for pushing recruits to their limits. 

Who decides when enough is enough? 

In the case of Mr. Buschow, how liable is the Survival Company for his death?  What do you think the courts will decide?  

Email your thoughts to Rick Archer, dance@ssqq.com  

14. TEST FOR SAMRT PEOPLE
Sent in by Chris Holmes

So, are you feeling samrt today?  If so, maybe you will get lucky and actually answer some of the questions right on this incredible test.

But if you're feeling stupid and insecure, take our advice and skip this puzzle altogether. 

Otherwise you will feel your self-esteem plummeting to the very depths of your soul.

Brain Teaser One

A father and a son are in a bad car accident. They are rushed to the emergency room and put into separate rooms. The doctors try and try to save the father, but he dies. Another doctor comes into the son's room and says, "I'm sorry, I can't operate on him, he's my son."   How is this possible?

The Answer will be posted further down.
 

Brain Teaser Two In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling? Look carefully at the picture.  Can you guess the direction?  Do you know the answer? (Hint: The only possible answers are "left" or "right.") The Answer is further below.

 

Brain Teaser Three: AMANDA'S RIDDLE

What is greater than God,
more evil than the Devil,
poor people have it,
rich people need it......
and if you eat it you will die.

What is it??   (Answer below)
 

Brain Teaser Four

Okay, this one will require you to scroll down.  We do this so you don't cheat.  We have found that Cheating is very common on this test because otherwise you may discover that you are basically stupid. 

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional person.

Remember to scroll down for each answer.

Here is a big hint.  A major part of the test involves your ability to follow directions. The questions are NOT that difficult.

But don't scroll down UNTIL AFTER you have answered the question!


Question 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?



















The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.





Question 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?


















Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? 

If so, too bad.


Wrong Answer.



Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.


















Question 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one.
Which animal does not attend?























Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.  You just put him in there.  This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.





Question 4. . There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Remember, this is the final question. Put on your thinking cap and give it some serious thought.  If you haven't gotten any questions right, this is your last chance.  No cheating! 


















Correct Answer:  You jump into the river and swim across.

Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This question tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.



If you did not do well, cheer up, our research suggests you have lots of company.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. At the same time many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old. In fact, if you did poorly, it is probably because you were unable to overcome your intelligence. You were so busy looking for trick answers and rational solutions, you were incapable of being simple-minded.

 

Answer to Brain Teaser One: 

A father and a son are in a bad car accident. They are rushed to the emergency room and put into separate rooms. The doctors try and try to save the father, but he dies.  Another doctor comes into the son's room and says, "I'm sorry, I can't operate on him, he's my son."   How is this possible?

The doctor is the child's mother.
 

Answer to Brain Teaser Two: THE SCHOOL BUS QUESTION The pre-schoolers all answered the bus was going "left." When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling in the left direction?" They answered: "Because you can't see the door." How do you feel now ???  I know, me too.

 

Answer to Brain Teaser Four: AMANDA'S RIDDLE

The Answer is NOTHING.

Nothing is greater than God,
nothing is more evil than the Devil,
poor people have nothing,
rich people need nothing......
and if you eat nothing you will die.

About the Riddle:  Amanda Keiser a former ssqq western instructor who left us around 2004 to begin law school.  Amanda originally shared this riddle with us back in 1999.

At the time, Amanda included the sobering thought that 80% of a class of Stanford students got this wrong, and 80% of 4th graders got it right. 

 

Brain Teaser Five: The Final Exam  (please note this is another scroll down. Don't cheat!)

First Question:  You are participating in a race! . You overtake the second person. What position are you in?























Answer to First Question:  If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!  If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)

























Answer to Second Question:  If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.  Please explain how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?


Third Question:
Okay, you didn't do so hot at the logic questions.  Now let's try math.  This is very tricky arithmetic!   Note: This must be done in your head only!   Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.  That's cheating!   Don't cheat!  

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.....

























Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
....Maybe. 
....Maybe not.


Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, 5......
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Scroll down for answer.....




























Answer to Question Four:
Did you Answer Nunu?
OH NO!  Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Our research has shown that many people fail to get any of our first four questions right, so here is a bonus round. 
Now concentrate.  This is your last chance.

Bonus Question:  A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush.  By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.   Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
























Answer to Bonus Question:
This one was easy.  He just has to open his mouth and ask... "May I have a pair of sunglasses, please?"
It's really very simple.... Like you!

 

Okay, that's the conclusion of the SSQQ Intelligence Test.
So, how did you do?  How smatr are you feeling now?  
Not very samtr?   If you aren't feeling too smart, at least you have company.  Cheer up and come join the rest of us.

15. THE SSQQ ARCHIVES: 
THE FOUR MOST DANGEROUS ROADS IN THE WORLD!

-----Original Message-----
From: Carol Gafford
Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2007 9:32 AM
Subject: Road of Death

Holy Cow!!!!  Rick, you have to see these pictures. They are incredible!


From: Rick Archer
Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:51 PM
To: Carol Gafford
Subject: RE: Road of Death


There are actually FOUR dangerous roads, Carol. I wrote about them extensively and included more pictures. 

Go visit my story. The Four Most Dangerous Roads



-----Original Message-----
From: Carol Gafford
Sent: Friday, March 23, 2007 8:39 AM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: RE: Road of Death

Wow!!!!!  Rick that is spectacular!!!  You did a great job!

Now I know where to go to find some great information. I am going to forward this to the friend that sent me the original email.  Thanks!    Carol
 

Editor's Note:  I originally learned about these places from two emails sent to me in December 2006 by Milt Oglesby. Milts first email was titled "Road of Death" (it was the same email Carol Gafford sent me above).  I was fascinated.

After visiting the Internet to learn more about the "Road of Death", I discovered the "Road of Death" email had 8 pictures of a little-known location in China called "Guoliang Tunnel" mixed in with 15 authentic pictures of the frightening "Road of Death". I suppose someone mixed them together to make the truly dangerous Bolivian road seem even more scary!

At any rate, as I researched the Bolivian Road of Death further, I discovered two more incredible locations.  One is the bizarre Road of Mud in Siberia.  It turns out that every summer the most important highway in Siberia turns completely to mud whenever it rains.  You have to see the pictures to believe it!

Then I discovered the story of the most dangerous hiking trail in the world.  At Mt. Huashan in China, there is a public hiking trail that is so dangerous that you are literally risking your life to visit.  

So all in all, there are four stories that you will find are amazing and incredible.  This is one of the most articles I have ever written.   The Four Roads of Danger

The Bolivian Road of Death

The Bolivian Road of Death

The Highway of Mud, Siberia

The Highway of Mud, Siberia

16.  LETTERS TO THE EDITOR - Rick Archer

This was a new feature that began with the April 2007 Newsletter.  For many years, the most popular section of the entire Newsletter has been the complaint section. 

It dawned on me the other day that I get lots of email that is actually quite pleasant and almost as interesting as the much-loved complaints.

I hope you enjoy this new feature.

If you have something you would like to say or comment on, send it to dance@ssqq.com

LETTER ONE:  REGARDING THE ARTICLE ABOUT THE LANDLORD DISPUTES WITH SSQQ

-----Original Message-----
From: T E
Sent: Monday, April 16, 2007 10:54 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: the varons

I was googling Dr. Varon and I just stumbled onto your problems with the Varon's and your dance studio. You have a lot of patience, let me tell you.

I don't understand why you did not sue them, the ball was definately in your court and it seems to me that they needed someone to open their eyes. Nobody should be treated with that type of disrespect, the entire thing just appalls me. You were so professional and courteous in your correspondence to her; you did not deserve that nose in the air treatment. Grrrrr....

I'm so disgusted with the whole thing, that I'm not even going to consider using him for surgery. I will seek other references.

Good luck and start looking for a new place that will welcome your business!

On 4/17/07, Rick Archer wrote:

The Varons are poor landlords (in my opinion).  There is more that has happened since my last update, but suffice it to say (in my opinion) they could care less about their tenants. I think the time for my studio to exit grows near.

Just out of curiosity, what made you google them?  I will keep your identity btw us.


-----Original Message-----
From: T E
Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2007 10:12 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: the varons

\
I was googling the Dr. because a friend of mine went to him for a surgical procedure and I was considering using him as well. I wanted to see if I could find info on him and his medical practice. That's when I stumbled onto your little website. It caught my attention as I was really disappointed in what I read about them. Hmmm, that says something about their character, in my opinion.

I feel badly for you as you sounded so sincere in your emails to them and personally, it urks me when people don't respond to my email questions. It was obvious there was a huge problem going on at your place of business and they did not seem to care. I hope that you are able to move away from that establishment and into a new place. I guess it's easier said than done. Good luck to you and your business!
 

 

LETTER TWO: IN REFERENCE TO LAST MONTH'S DANGEROUS ROADS AND POT FARM STORY

----Original Message-----
From: Tresa
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 4:25 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Newsletter

Hello!

I just finished reading your newsletter and I must say that Guoliang Tunnel was something else!! I can't say I'd be too happy about visiting the other roads and such but yeah, that tunnel would be a site to see!

And as far as that fella making the remark about what you said about the pathetic mail order bride business in the Pot Farm story. (Wait a minute....where is my soapbox? And now my ladder?)

Well, it IS pathetic in the sense that he very plainly states that these women are more *traditional* than the western women of the last two decades. What he is really saying here is he does not want his woman to be as independent, intelligent, or as strong and willful as we western women are now. We have evolved. We no longer wish to silently take orders from men and a good many of us are quite happy with the men in our lives that have recognized that we are human beings too and deserve to have a fulfilling eventful life alongside them as their partners rather than be a their servant. All I have to add to this is its a probably a good thing he lives outside of the US. I have a funny feeling he wouldn't want to know what secret ingredients were included in his dinner meal otherwise! (dropping off my soapbox now....dang that thing is tall!)

LOL!! Ok, I'm through.
 

LETTER THREE: APRILLE AND THE NANNY DIARIES Editor's Note: Aprille was an ssqq dance student off and on throughout the Nineties and into the 2000s.  Every now and then, I meet someone who steps out of the 'student role' and becomes a friend as well.  Aprille was one of those people.  She was kind and full of compliments.  Aprille often volunteered to help in my western classes.  She was always welcome at the studio. However, last year Aprille mysteriously dropped out of sight.  Imagine how happy I was when she reappeared with an email. As you will read, Aprille parlayed a job as a grade school teacher in Alvin into a job as a nanny. As you see, her Nanny travels have taken her around the world many times over and into the inner circles of 'Hollyweird' as she describes it. ----Original Message----- From: Aprille Sent: Thursday, April 26, 2007 8:13 PM To: rick archer Subject: May 2007 SSQQ Newsletter Rick Archer, I miss you, your studio and your parties and "your people" soooooooooooooo much!  When your newsletter came today via email, it was like getting the best Christmas gift ever. Don't know if you knew it or not, but I moved to the Los Angeles area to become a Hollywood nanny in September 2006 when my oldest decided to go to grad school in Pasadena, CA. From September to January, I traveled to Australia twice, Tanzania, Africa, South Africa, Malaysia, London, and Denver (twice) with a starlet to nanny her three year old son while on holiday and it was such fun, but there was no private life for the nanny - and a whole lotta Hollyweird stuff going on that didn't mesh with my down home Texas beliefs and morals.   AND, there was not even a country radio station in LA, but they got one in March 2007 after I had already moved away.  I was able to parlay my Hollywood nanny job to relocate two hours south to the San Diego area in Rancho Santa Fe.  Now I live in a ranch setting with a great couple. I moved in on Presidents' Day in Feb. although the couple I work for is not expecting their first baby until mid July. So, my duties include walking their German Shepherd and their Newfoundland twice each day for 30 minutes each trip, so I get 2 hours of walking in on the most beautiful mountain top ranch with mountains to the east and the beautiful Pacific ocean to the west. Every inch I walk is so perfectly landscaped and such brilliant colors line the paths as the plants have beautiful tropical flowers. My other duty includes sitting by the pool in the heat of the day for an hour so the dogs can swim in their pool and of course I must prepare their daily meal of rice, green beans, carrots, cottage cheese, low salt Boar's Head turkey from the deli and locally prepared organic River Run dog food. But hey, for all of this hard work, I get to live in the pool house with all expenses paid and I have the most fabulous sound system, big screen TV, with more channels than anyone needs, wireless cable and the people here treat me so very well. What more could a girl want, right? Well, I am going stark raving mad about the (lack of) California western swing dancers. I hate to admit it, but the very reason I picked this location was because of the three Honky Tonks, which are very close to the ranch. The dance floors are fabulous and I signed up for dance lessons at the three neighboring dance studios to meet dancers and learn some new dance styles. I am now a beginner Salsa girl, I am taking beginning West Coast Swing and Intermediate East Coast Swing and Advanced Two Step. There is absolutely no polka here. If a good "Triple Step" dance is played, the floor is cleared for Line Dancing. What good is dancing if I can't hold on to a fella???? On the four corners of the floor, there is just enough room to squeeze in a West Coast Swing couple, so that is why I signed up for that dance, cause I refuse to reduce myself to line dancing for every freakin' polka!  Very few two steps are played as Line Dancing is preferred by the locals. My biggest beef though, is the fact that the fellas here who take dance lessons, learn the same pattern and then when I go to a dance hall, everyone is doing the same pattern so that it looks like there is a couple' line dance show going on. I don't get it! The fellas here learn the arm movements, but there is absolutely no prep (lead) for an upcoming move because the girls learn the pattern in class as well so there is no "following" and no "leading" going on. It's a damn merry-go-round ride across the floor. Every dance studio teaches the same pattern for a month and the dancers don't seem to be able to create their own patterns using bits and pieces of past patterns. I am paying one of the teachers at one of the studios I am taking lessons at $65 for a private lesson on Saturday to just dance and not give any verbal leads, just so I can "feel" what a California lead feels like. When I screw up a fella's move on the floor because I don't feel a lead, the fool drags me off the floor to teach me the pattern so I can be a character on the merry-go-round ride. Can you tell I'm a bit frustrated here?????  Oh my God, you should see what happens on the floor when they play a Cha Cha song. Every fool couple does the same move at the same time. I miss Texas dance halls so much! I am planning several weekends at home in May and June as I have weekends off until the baby comes, so I hope to make it to an SSQQ party. I need it bad! Please keep me on your mailing list even though I am a California girl. I need a reality fix every now and then! Take care, Aprille FOLLOW-UP: I discretely asked about Aprille's adventures in Hollyweirdland.  She sent this reply: -----Original Message----- From: Aprille Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 3:54 PM To: rick archer Subject: Hollyweird Rick, you know the saying.  I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you! In Hollyweird, the tighter your lips are, the bigger the salary as far as the nanny biz. If I tell about the people who I worked for, I have to pay 10 X the amount I earned and at $4,000 a week for international travel, I think I'll keep my mouth shut! I have to admit I saw my fair share of Hollywood stars.  I passed a veritable People's Magazine lineup every day on my walks on the exclusive private beach.  But I will avoid namedropping out of respect for the people who were kind to me.  I did get to sail in the Mediterranean on a famous designer's floating palace. The yacht had a crew of 10 plus a captain. That week I was fortunate enough to get to sub for another nanny who worked for a very gorgeous model who likes to play with Seals. I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to take you out, and I just don't want to do that! I saw a lot, learned a lot and even made some (hopefully) life long friends. I even got a call from Oprah Winfrey's people wanting to do a positive show on celebrity nannies and I turned that down even though they offered to pay whatever fine I would be charged for spilling the beans.  So take it from me, the lid on my bean pot is tightly capped. I am loving life right about now, you might say, but still my greatest joy comes from spinning across the hardwood floor and I will always be thankful for SSQQ and you for the joy that I get when dancing. PS- If you do put some of my tales into your newsletter, include my email address in case anyone from the studio travels this way and wants to meet up for a dance. I know lots of good places to dance!   They can reach me at Aprillekay@aol.com

LETTER FOUR: LANITA THE BEAUTIFUL SENORITA SAYS HI (Editor's Note:  Lani was a big part of the studio's Whip dancing for several years.   Lani was in the reserves and was called up late in 2006.  Fortunately Lani got posted in California, so she is out of danger.  Here is a recent update on her fortunes.)  -----Original Message----- From: Lanita Hutto Sent: Sunday, April 29, 2007 7:38 PM To: Rick Archer Subject: My "CAMPING" Trip Hey guys...feels like years since I left Houston. I know it's only been 4 months but it just seems longer. Life is good here. Work has been busy but starting to slow down a little. Hopefully this summer will be really slow so I can have a chance to go home and visit for a while. I'm thinking around the first part of August. Well recently there's been a lot going on for me. The name of my unit is Navy Mobile Construction Battalion (NMCB) 28 (all Construction Battalions are nicknamed Seabees) and they are basically construction types. Builders, Electricians, Steelworkers, Equipment Operators. They build roads, shelters, bridges...stuff like that. So our guys are overseas doing that. Reconstructing houses, fixing electricity for people in Iraq, rebuilding bridges and roads that get destroyed. Anyway, that's what they do. Of course, I'm here in Cali handling their pay and personnel records. I'm kinda like HR. We've had a lot of pay issues here, mainly because the Personnel Support Detachment didn't train their folks how to start someone's pay correctly, plus everyone has a different way of doing something. Nothing is consistent. We're kinda doing damage control and cleaning up stuff that's been brought to our attention. But things are getting fixed and so it's slowing down.

So last week, I had the opportunity to go on a 2 week Field exercise with another Seabee Battalion just north of Port Hueneme.  Basically, they are training to go overseas to build and fight, we go out into the woods and play war games and stuff.  So I go. I have to do those things if I want to get a Warfare pin. Each pin is customized for the specialty of the unit. The one I'm working towards is called a Seabee Warfare Pin and one of the qualifications is the war games for 2 weeks.

I get there Saturday around lunchtime, and the day turned out to be a little warm but the breeze was nice and cool. We unload all our crap from the buses (two packs per person full of clothes and gear for the 2 weeks). Then we get issued more gear (bullet proof vest, ammo, ammo pouches, M16 rifle, canteens, shovel, and a belt to hold all this crap on. So were talking an extra 40 lbs. at least)

Then a cot for the tent, a mat, a small one person tent to be used later, a sleeping bag with 3 layers, a gas mask and chemical suit. By this time it's night fall, i'm tired and already dirty from the dust around there. Showers are secured, no shower. Fall into bed around 10. Next morning we get up and go to work (basically paperwork in the communications office). Do that for a while, eat a little lunch (MRE), then we (myself and a select few) have training on the proper way to don a chemical suit and gas mask, in and out, in and out of this thing. It's hot, I'm tired and sore from carrying around all this gear (we can't even go to the bathroom without getting fully dressed in all our gear and our weapon in tow). So it's dinner time then off to bed (showers are still secured, no shower).

Then on monday, I get designated as part of the CBR survey team. These are the guys that have to put on the gas mask and chemical suits and go outside, test the air to see what kind of toxins are present. :) lovely!! so back into the chemical suits for a 6 hr training in the sun and it's pretty warm in this suit. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper (giggle...pun intended). Well, I'm dehydrated by the end of training although I had 3 canteens of water (each canteen holds 2 liters) and I had to be put on a stretcher and hauled to the medical tent where they stick an IV in my hand (after 3 failed attempts in my arms). 18 gauge needles hurt by the way. Spend all night in the medical tent where I get some rest but it's cold at night (the temperature drops about 40 degrees at night) and the fluid that is pumping into my hand is ice cold, so really there's no comfort for me except that I'm no longer puking my guts out :) And I have 3 wool blankets on me, i think the girl said they were stuffed with down but you couldn't prove it by me because I was freeeeeeeezing. Next morning after I finished my 3rd IV bag and the doctor was convinced I could keep down the 5 glasses of gatorade i drank, I'm released to return to work. Showers are now working!!! Yea!! I get a shower.

Then the real fun begins. Now everyone in camp gets the experience I had over the last 2 days. We have CBR drills, in and out of the chemical suits and gas masks (spending about 45 min in it at one point in the day). There's no breeze, it's hot, I'm exhausted and life is not good. Besides what the doc gave me overnight and in the medical tent that morning, I've had 3 canteens of water and 2 bottles of gatorade that the Chaplain picked up on his way into camp. Not helping. I'm too hot still and I can't get any relief from the heat. The tents are hot and stifling, i'm carrying around all this gear, life is not good for me. So, I'm in the galley tent (one of the hottest tents in camp by the way) when I start feeling sick again. It's back to the medical tent for me where I force down another 2 canteens of water while I sit in the shade with only my tee-shirt, pants, and socks on. The Doc decided I would never get cool enough at the camp during the daytime so I was sent back to Port Hueneme after a night and half a day at the barracks in the air-conditioning. I slept almost all day on Wednesday and Thursday morning I was still a little sluggish. But today I'm feeling good. Just a little bruised, sun burnt and embarrassed. I think maybe next time I'll try it during the winter. That way I won't mind being in the suit. :)

So that's what's going on with me. I know, long story...

Hope everyone is doing well. :)

Ok...have fun all. Write to you again soon. Lani
 

(Editor's Note: I am pretty sure Lani would enjoy any and all letters from home.  You can reach her at her highly interesting email address:  lilnavychic@yahoo.com )

LETTER FIVE: REGARDING THE DISAPPEARANCE OF BEES

The Secret Death of Bees
Losing a quarter of the nation's hives calls for a thoughtful look at our dependence on agribusiness.


Houston Chronicle
May 11, 2007

Bees are big business. They are crucial to pollination of $14 billion in food crops and a third of the food we eat. If bees have a problem, we all have a problem. And bees have a big problem.

The chief apiary inspector for the state of Texas calls it "a hell of a problem." As many as a quarter of the nation's commercially kept bees went missing last year, presumed dead, in a phenomenon now called colony collapse disorder. Inspector Paul Jackson said it is as much a mystery in Texas as it is in 24 other states and half a dozen nations. He said it happens overnight without warning signs of distress and with no evidence left behind. The bees simply disappear.

Jackson has yet to find a pattern in this worrisome phenomenon. One beekeeper may lose 5,000 hives in a day's time while another down the road 10 miles loses none. In Texas, as elsewhere, it is the large commercial colonies that are most affected.

A threat of this magnitude to such a fundamental element in food production prompted congressional hearings last week. A specially appointed, nationwide task force of scientists will conduct research to try to pinpoint the cause and find solutions.

Pollination is the name of the game. Beekeepers in Texas and several other states send thousands of hives to pollinate crops around the country, moving them from state to state and crop to crop. Texas hives are deployed as many as four or five times a year, carried about the country on 18-wheeler trucks.

This constant mobility has been cited as a possible cause for the disappearing hives. The resulting stress depresses bees' immune systems, making bees vulnerable to a host of diseases and parasites. And their road food diet of high fructose corn syrup has been compared to a human diet restricted to soft drinks. Other possible causes include pesticides and other poisons and genetically modified crops that might introduce pesticide into the pollen.

The disappearing bee phenomenon is a poignant and alarming reminder that the food supply is part of the web of life. It cannot be separated from the profound and ongoing environmental disruption that results in numerous other threats such as rising mercury levels in fish.

Scientists likely will isolate the many variables in colony collapse disorder and determine its cause. A solution will be patched together to attempt to maintain the status quo for bees. What appears to be an agribusiness phenomenon likely will have an agribusiness cause and an agribusiness solution, raising once again the question of the wisdom in relying so heavily on farming at this scale.

A technical patch, taken alone, isn't all that reassuring. On a different level, we need to realize what's good for bees is crucial for all of us.

(Editor's Note: By coincidence, recently I received the following article from Judy Walsh.  I cannot vouch for the science, but it was an interesting thought.) Cell phones wiping out bee populations: Will your mobile be the next SUV? Posted Apr 16th 2007 8:01PM by Sarah Gilbert It was only a few weeks ago that I started reading about the plight of commercial bees in Oregon, where I live, and other nearby agricultural states: some mysterious force was causing what's called "Colony Collapse Disorder" for untold (but, by all guesses, large) numbers of bees used for pollinating crops up and down the Pacific Coast.

One beekeeper said that the vast majority of his colonies had just disappeared -- the bees would leave, and never return to the hive, presumably dying from hunger. Despite the seeming widespread nature of the problem, agricultural authorities wouldn't confirm its severity, and no one had solid numbers. Until now, a variety of unrelated and unsatisfactory theories had been surfaced, though none even seemed half-right. Global warming. A bad batch of the high-fructose corn syrup typically used to feed commercial bees. Genetically modified crops. Pesticides. Mites. In the past few days I've seen several bees around my home, buzzing in and then fizzling out, dying slow, awful deaths on the sidewalk or windowsill. My stomach began to sink. Bees are vital to the health of so many of the world's plants. What could be done? Now a report from Britain, where bee losses are still denied by agricultural authorities, although beekeepers are raising the alarm (U.S. beekeepers claim 60% of West Coast populations and 70% of East Coast bees have vanished): cell phone signals are disrupting bees' natural navigation systems. While alarmist, it makes sense; when cell phones are on, they're constantly crying for attention, pinging whatever tower is nearby every few minutes so that the home tower can keep track of the signal and send in whatever calls or messages come its way. Think of all the millions of pings that bounce back and forth across agricultural areas every week. I'm not a conspiracy theorist and never worried about fears that cell phones cause brain cancer and cell death (although the reports seem to indicate this could be true). But after reading these reports my first urge is to turn off all the cell phones in the family and only use them for emergencies. If this is true, cell phones could become the SUV of 2008; a public display of a human putting its own comfort above the needs of the environment at large. And I'm sticking to land-based stocks for now!

LETTER SIX:  REGARDING MY 'LARRY THE MORON' STORY

-----Original Message-----
From: Anita H
Sent: Wednesday, May 09, 2007 2:14 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: re: your website page about Larry Walters

Hi, A friend sent me a link to your web page about the underground pot farm, which was really amazing.  I started to look at your other pages & found the one about Larry Walters & his balloon chair. 

I knew about him and was a little offended by your title of "Larry the Moron."  OK, maybe it's something most of us would not try, but I for one, admired his pioneering, adventurous spirit and do-it-yourself attitude.  Larry's adventure also spurred a new form of legitimate aviation, now called "Cluster Ballooning," so he was indeed a pioneer.

Might you consider changing the title of your page to something a little less derogatory?  The poor man committed suicide, after all.  Perhaps ridicule had something to do with that.

Thanks for listening, Anita


-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Wednesday, May 09, 2007 9:45 AM
To: Anita H
Subject: RE: your website page about Larry Walters

I respect your sentiment, Ms. H. You have made your point well and forced me to take a second look at my decision.

In my opinion, Mr. Walters earned this title. He is the all-time poster boy for foolish stunts. I have never heard of anything more ridiculous. Not only did he risk his own life, he forced the military to intercept him, he had rescue people on standby everywhere, and I believe he knocked out power when he landed.

His actions were so far beyond reckless that he deserves his title.

Were Mr. Walters alive today, I would soften my stance, but as it stands, his memory serves as a warning to the entire planet to think things through ahead of time.

 

(Editor's Note: If you have never before heard the story of Larry Walters, this is MUST READING.)

 

LETTER SEVEN

 

LETTER EIGHT
 

LETTER NINE:  ABOUT THE ARTICLE ADVICE TO MEN

 

LETTER TEN:  SPECIAL MOMENT IN TIME

-----Original Message-----
From: jim landureth
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 10:44 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: exciting moment in time

At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be

02:03:04 05/06/07.

This will never happen again.


-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 11:23 AM
To: jim landureth
Subject: exciting moment in time
 
I get goose bumps just thinking about it so I plan to stay awake.  How about you?

POSTSCRIPT: Bad news, I slept right through it.

LETTER ELEVEN:  ABOUT THE WINCHESTER CLUB

18. TWO COMPLAINTS OF THE MONTH: IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK.... OR DOES IT?

COMPLAINT ONE: THE ARGUMENT ABOUT A 15-YEAR OLD GIFT CERTIFICATE

 -----Original Message-----
From: David M
Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2007 11:14 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Dance lessons?

Dear Rick:

Two voices from the past.

David M and Kathleen O have a $100 gift certificate for private lessons purchased by Daniel M and Tweed C about 10-15 years ago.

Can we still use it?

Dave.
 

 -----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Sunday, May 06, 2007 4:57 AM
To: David M
Subject: RE: Dance lessons?

Boy, this is a voice from the past. Welcome back!

Yes, of course you can use the gift certificate. I will gladly honor it.

Editor's Note: I meant what I said. I was prepared to teach the private lessons myself.  But then something odd happened.  Two days later my wife Marla stomped into my office angry about something.  I asked her what was the matter. Marla showed me a copy of the email below (she had printed it out.)

From: David M
Date: 05/08/2007 8:59:18 AM
To: marla@ssqq.com
Subject: classes

We have a $100 gift certificate for private lessons. We would like to take swing and slow dance. What time would be good for you in evening?

PS The certificate was purchased about fifteen years ago. Rick said it was OK. Ask Rick if, because of inflation, is the certificate worth $200 now?
 

Editor's Note: I asked Marla why she was angry.  She showed me the email and asked me why I had obligated her to two hours... or possibly even four hours... of private lessons for free when I knew how swamped she was.

I was confused.  For the life of me, I couldn't recall even mentioning Marla to the man, much less promising him she would be happy to teach him. 

But once Mr. M had the nerve to tell her to ask me to double the value, Marla said forget it.  She had no obligation to this man.  Why should she offer to give up two hours, much less four hours of her time for free?   Was I going to pay her?  I replied that I had expected to teach the lessons myself and now I was confused.

I was angry too.  Not only did Marla not want to teach him a private lesson, I didn't want to teach them either.  Private lessons are personal.  That's what the word 'private' implies: one on one attention.  It makes it much easier if you like your students.  Otherwise it feels like work, not fun. 

I stopped teaching private lessons several years ago when I got sick and tired of driving across Houston in the middle of the day for a private lesson only to have the student not bother to show up or have the courtesy to contact me in advance.  Now I wouldn't teach these two private lessons for all the tea in china.

They say it doesn't hurt to ask.  That's what they say.  But in this case, the request backfired.  It's one thing to ask me to honor a 15 year old certificate, but as far as I was concerned, the request to double its value offended my sense of what was fair in this situation.  I felt taken advantage of.  There was no way I would give them a private lesson.  That would be too awkward.  So this was what I said.

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Tuesday, May 08, 2007 10:48 AM
To: david m
Subject: FW: classes

David, I have to tell you something… I don't appreciate at all your remark that inflation has doubled the value of your certificate.  I was prepared to pay my wife out of my own pocket to honor the gift certificate, but now she won't have anything to do with this situation.

After fifteen years, you have a lot of nerve asking me to honor the certificate PERIOD, much less ask my wife to double the value behind my back.

I will increase the value to $180… this will allow the two of you to take two complete one-month group lessons at no charge. This is my only offer.


-----Original Message-----
From: David M
Sent: Tuesday, May 08, 2007 1:11 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: classes

1. You received the $100 and presumably used it. The delay and inflation worked to your advantage, not mine.
2. Why would you not honor the certificate because it was paid to you, despite the fifteen years...
3. It was not behind your back-"Ask Rick if, because of inflation, is the certificate worth $200 now."
4. The request was made facetiously.
5. Forget it.


-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Tuesday, May 08, 2007 1:25 PM
To: David M
Subject: RE: classes

Email makes it impossible to read something 'facetiously' as you put it. There was no smiley face as a reference nor one of those ubiquitous LOLs.  We missed the humor.  Both my wife and I were flabbergasted.  Your request essentially would obligate my wife to four hours of service for some transaction made in the previous century.

Some people would say use it or lose it. You didn't use it, but I was willing to honor it anyway until your recent email. The private lessons are not a good idea, so I turned around and nearly doubled its value. You are welcome for the both of you to take two one-month group classes at no charge.


Sent:    Monday, May 14, 2007 2:19 PM
To: Rick Archer
Cc: David M
Subject: Re: gift certificate

Your attitude makes it too uncomfortable for us to have anything to do with SSQQ

I am returning the gift certificate. You can refund the $100, or not, as your principles dictate.

PS. Went to Jos A Banks with a $200 gift certificate a few days ago.  Asked the sales person if the gift certificate would be good if I brought it in ten years from now. It would be.  Some may say- use it or lose it. Most would not.

PPS. Three- years ago someone gave us a $50 comp to a restaurant. Two- years ago the restaurant shut down. One- year ago the owner opened a new restaurant with a new name in a new location. Six- months ago we called to see if the comp was still good. It was. Sometimes it's all a matter of style.

PPPS. I am going to write my mortgage company and tell them:
1. The mortgage was made in the last century;
2. The money was spent years and years ago;
3. Consequently, I do not feel obliged to send them any more money to honor a prehistoric transaction. I must be serious-there are no Smiley Faces.


-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Monday, May 14, 2007 3:05 PM
To: David M
Subject: RE: gift certificate

There is no expiration date for an SSQQ Gift Certificate.  But it obviously didn't mean anything to you.  Who waits 15 years to use a gift certificate?

Perhaps you misplaced it. I can understand that. For example, I have several gift certificates in my car for a local car wash that are seven years old. I recently discovered them the other day hidden deep in my glove compartment. So I decided to use one.

Once I was there, I realized the $20 value covered only 50% of the total cost. Memory tells me that $20 was the going rate for a regular car wash at that place seven years earlier before it became popular.  But was I stupid enough to ask the woman taking my money to double the value of the gift certificate to $40 to account for inflation?

You have neglected to mention I originally told you I would completely honor the 15-year old $100 SSQQ Gift Certificate with two private lessons until your lousy attitude irritated my wife so much she wouldn't have anything to do with you.

In essence, you are asking us to work twice as much all because you didn't bother to use your certificate fifteen years ago.
 

Editor's Note: There is one more twist to this story.  It wasn't till I put all the emails in front of me to prepare to write this story that I realized that Mr. M had never responded to my first reply (Sunday, May 06, 2007 4:57 AM). 

In other words, all I said in the first email was that I would honor the gift certificate.  Like I said, I was ready to teach the lessons myself.  All I needed was a follow-up to my email.  Please notice in my first email I never said a word to him about Marla teaching the lessons.  I never gave him Marla's email address nor did I tell him she would be the teacher.  Mr. M approached Marla without telling me.  No wonder Marla was completely caught off guard.  Once she got angry, then I got angry.

I think if Mr. M had stuck to channels and dealt with me directly, this entire incident would have been avoided. 

 

COMPLAINT TWO: IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK... OR DOES IT? 

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Thursday, April 26, 2007 5:20 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Media Event at Houston Museum of Natural Science

To Whom It May Concern:

On Thursday, May 31 from 6pm-8pm, the Houston Museum of Natural Science is hosting a media preview for the premier of our IMAX film Hurricane on the Bayou.

The preview is for various media personalities and hotel concierges throughout the city to preview the film before it opens to the general public. The event typically draws a crowd of 300+.

The film, Hurricane on the Bayou, discusses the impact of hurricanes on the Gulf Coast. 

For this reason, the event is going to have a New Orleans/Mardi Gras theme including food, beads and zydeco dancing.  I am looking for a couple, a group of people or an entire class to zydeco dance at the event from 5:30pm-6:30pm and then at  6:50pm-7pm to usher guests into the theatre for the film which starts at 7pm.

In return for the dance performances, we would provide food, tickets to our exhibitions and an open invitation for participants to stay and end enjoy the film. Also, you all would be more than welcome to set-up a table advertising your studio and/or your dance classes.

Please let me know if this is something that you can help me with. If not, can you point me in the direction to someone who can.

Let's analyze this request carefully.  To get people in the mood for a movie about Hurricanes, they are offering food, beads, and Zydeco dancing.  The museum representative is asking for a minimum of two dancers (but an entire group would be nice) to conduct an hour of Zydeco dancing, then turn around and serve as ushers.  

The museum is selling tickets.    Theoretically, you would assume the lure of Zydeco dancing would make this event even more attractive.  Throw in the dancing, the food, and an interesting movie, it sounds like fun.  So let's estimate the ticket cost is probably $15, maybe more.   You would assume that most organizations would offer to pay someone for their time and their expertise.

If someone were to ask me what I would charge, I personally would quote $75 to $100 for an hour of work, $100 to $150 for two people.  I would imagine other dance professionals might even ask for more.  After all, the Museum is asking someone to give up their entire evening.

For starters, I don't think two free tickets is going to cut it, especially if the Zydeco dancers could care less about the hurricane movie.  But asking total strangers to usher is over the top.  What an insult. 

Furthermore, if my organization isn't interested, the email asked us to suggest who they might ask to work for free next.

This takes a lot of nerve. You just have to wonder what world people inhabit when they make requests like this.  Do they really think an impersonal email is going to find someone out there who is so pathetic that they will dance and usher for food and a movie?

It never hurts to ask... or does it? 

Let us explore this axiom a bit further.  For fun, I typed "it never hurts to ask" into Google.   A couple minutes of searching turned up three interesting items.

Item One:  Monitoring Airline Fares

"If you book a flight far in advance of your departure date, monitor the price of your exact flight. If the price happens to fall below what you paid prior to your departure, contact the airline and ask for a refund on the difference you paid.  My last trip to Hawaii resulted in a $120 refund, which turned into additional spending money!

Brenda notes that this trick can also work with hotels. The key to getting these refunds, she says, is to stick to your guns.

Bankrate: People are sometimes embarrassed to speak up and ask for a refund but it’s clearly worth it. How do you get over that?

Brenda: Being embarrassed will cost you a lot of money. You have to be bold and ask. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
 

Item Two:  Well, It Never Hurts To Ask
By Alison Go
Posted 4/8/07

"Online, they are called cyberbeggars.  Balmes Pavlov joined their ranks last year to help pay for college. Inspired by a student who asked for donations through newspaper ads, he took the idea to the Internet and set up a Web page with a link to PayPal. "I have created this website to collect donations from people as a way to help fund my college education," it reads. "This is not a joke or a scam."

After gently advertising to friends and family and in online message boards, the Fordham University freshman collected a total of $83.98.

The largesse has done little to alleviate Pavlov's financial burden, which is $42,000 a year at Fordham."

Item Three:  Sometimes it does hurt to ask; it hurts you.
(Note: I paraphrased this story to make it more readable.)

"On one recent evening, I was pumping gas when I was approached by a wandering bum.

"Hey man," the bum inquired, "you got any spare change?”

I dug in my pocket and gave him a few quarters.

The bum then had the audacity to ask “got any more? 

I was about to tell him to piss off, this isn’t going to cut it, but then I decided he was too weird to mess with.  So I found a buck and bought another round of safety.  But I decided that was it for bums.  It wasn't worth the risk to even mess with them.

This story reminds me of some of the people I hire at work. I discuss salary expectations with candidates at the very beginning of the interview process. Everyone understands that salaries are flexible, but that salaries are reasonable and based on experience. If you get an offer from me for the amount you were expecting, there is no need to ask for 10k more just because "it never hurts to ask". 

The truth is that it does hurt; it hurts you.  At that point I am insulted.  There is always someone else out there. I am not afraid of losing someone. I may value the candidate and want them on the team, but if they are unreasonable about money, I will make a note of it for my supervisor to see.  Afterwards, don't be surprised if my managers offer the position to someone cheaper.

They say it never hurts to ask.  To some extent this is true.  For example, the Hobo in this story asked for more and got a little more.  You, however, could be a little less lucky. Sometimes it does hurt to ask for more."
 

19.  COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH: RICK ROLLS HIS EYES AT HOW ONE COMPANY DOES BUSINESS

EDITOR'S NOTE: This time, I do the complaining.  I will let the correspondence start the story.
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Friday, January 12, 2007 10:46 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick -

We are interested in scheduling a one-time private group lesson (approximately 30 people) for country/western on Monday, 22 January.  We would like lessons for 1-2 hours and would like to inquire about additional dancing afterwards. Can you please reply with pricing and additional suggestions?

Thanks, Shirley

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Friday, January 12, 2007 11:11 AM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

We have classes from 7-9 on Mondays, so your lesson would either have to held earlier in the day at our place or more likely we could send someone over to your place.
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 11:00 AM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick -  How does your studio availability look on Wednesdays?

Thanks, Shirley
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 1:23 PM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

How does your studio availability look on Wednesdays?  Just as bad as Monday.  We use the studio at night for lessons.  Weekends during the day are the only possibility. 

Here is a suggestion – we have a Western Crash Course at the studio on Saturday evening 7-9 pm January 27. 

Why not talk your group into coming to that for a discounted price?
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Thursday, January 18, 2007 11:06 AM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick -

Weekends don't work for us because this is a team-building event that we are having for a training course held that week.  We're able to free up 5-7 pm Wednesday - will that work? Or maybe we can send an instructor over to Wild West from 7 - 9 pm.  Please let me know which is more feasible.

Thanks, Shirley
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:12 PM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

5-7 on a Wednesday would work at the studio.  When?

 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:37 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick,

Next Wednesday, 24 January, is our scheduled date. Please let me know how you would like to handle payment, registration, etc. Private group lesson for 30 people. 

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Friday, January 19, 2007 4:25 PM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

I will be happy to teach the class myself.  Does $150 sound fair for the two hours?
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Friday, January 19, 2007 4:34 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Cc:
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Thanks, Rick.  Sounds great to me.  We will see you at 5 pm on Wednesday. 

 

EDITOR’S NOTE: I taught the lesson as scheduled.  I did not know anything about the group ahead of time, but the 30 people turned out to be delightful.  I discovered they were young professionals from all over the world.  They were in Houston for a week of training in doing audits.  The dance lesson provided them some much-needed fun in the middle of a hard week.  They rode a company bus over to the studio for the dance lesson.

It was a veritable United Nations dance lesson.  Among the nations represented were Russia, China, Cameroon, France, Netherlands, India, Chile, Venezuela, Congo, Nigeria, Canada, and of course the United States.  Amazingly they all spoke English. 

Not surprisingly, all races were represented.  I watched with glee as an Asian woman worked hard with a man from France to learn the Texas Twostep.  I smiled as an Indian man danced with a Pakistani woman.  Even their nations are enemies, they laughed as they danced together.  I smiled as Russian women danced with men from Africa.  It was gratifying to note the complete absence of prejudice.  That message alone made the entire afternoon worthwhile.

I also enjoyed the birds and the bees in action.  These people were all attractive, single, twenty-something professionals.  It didn’t matter that they were only going to see each other for a week.  As they say, Dance leads to Romance.  There was some serious chemistry there!

Shirley turned out to have a mischievous streak.  Towards the end of the lesson, she volunteered two men and two women to compete with each other in dance.  The idea was to see which couple could dance the Twostep pattern I had taught the best.  The men were mortified!  Not surprisingly, both men choked from being put on the spot.  Fortunately they smiled and were good sports about it. An awkward moment passed without any consequences.

Actually, the only negative from the pleasant afternoon was not getting paid.  That seemed a little odd to me after all the careful planning that had gone into this event, but it was no big deal.  Rather than be awkward, I decided it would be easier to send a reminder email the next day.
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Thursday, January 25, 2007 2:15 PM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Shirley,

Have Tom and Robert forgiven you for setting them up?  You clearly have a mischievous streak.

By the way, I had a marvelous time yesterday. The next time you have a group in, please consider asking me to help again.  Now that I know the nature of your group, I can be even more effective at making them feel welcome.  I wasted probably 15 minutes trying to figure out what was going on, but I will be prepared next time.

Thank you for your compliment on my knowledge of the countries. Geography is a hobby of mine. Since we take cruises through the studio, I make a real effort to be able to know a little bit about all countries because I never know whom I might meet on our trips. 

As you could see, I really enjoyed getting some first-hand geography lessons yesterday!  Now I have to go figure out how there can be two Congos at the same time!

Please remit the $150 to:

Rick Archer
Xxxx Street
Houston, TX 77xxx
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Friday, January 26, 2007 1:13 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick -

Thank you for making the men better dancers and for your entertainment. All of the attendees really enjoyed having you as an instructor and were highly impressed with your knowledge of the world.

I'm very sorry that we did not remit payment on the day of the dance - my assumption was that my manager paid before my arrival.  Very very sorry...let me get the payment to you.

Regards, Shirley

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Friday, January 26, 2007 2:02 PM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

I will let you on a secret… the money wasn’t important. I only charged because I have to pay the rent.

(Editor's Note: For those of you who are cynical, don't be.  I completely mean it when I say I would have done it for free because it turned out to be a lot of fun. 

However I didn't know the lesson would turn out to be this much fun when I was first contact. 

I charged a nominal fee because I have $8,000 in rent to pay and I assumed this wealthy billion-dollar company could afford a modest fee.  Private lessons for two people at SSQQ are $50 an hour.   I figured $150 for 2 hours and 30 people could hardly be considered price gouging. 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 1:17 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Cc:
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Of course you have to pay the rent - how else would we be able to dance??? 

My director, R, has requested an invoice, as this is required for us to generate a check. Would that be possible?  If so, can you please send to:

xxx, Internal Audit
xxxx Street
Houston, TX 77xxx

Also, will we be able to have a receipt for evidence of payment?  Sorry, company policy.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thank you, Shirley

EDITOR’S NOTE: I realize that the business world has their way of handling things.  I am less formal.  After all the emails that had gone back and forth, it seemed ridiculous for me to turn around and spend twenty more minutes of my time typing up an invoice, adding a receipt, addressing it, stamping it, not to mention another 10 minutes driving it to the post office.

I didn’t have the energy to fool with it.  They should have paid me on the spot, much less run me through this silly routine.  So here is what I wrote back.
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 2:40 PM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Shirley, In this day and age, email is considered just as legal as letters sent by mail.

I have reviewed the email chain of our correspondence below.  It lists the agreed upon amount ($150) and my mailing address.  All that is missing is the understanding that I performed said services, which I believe you should be able to confirm yourself.  A simple use of a printer or even a CC of our emails to the appropriate person should be sufficient.

I don’t need the money. Please donate it to charity.
 

EDITOR’S NOTE: To my surprise, a few days later a check came in the mail. 
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 11:00 AM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick -

Please let me know if you've received payment for the lessons - I sent the check to your house. Thanks again!
 

EDITOR’S NOTE: I failed to reply to the email above.  I was still grouchy from the way this matter was handled in the first place. 

I should have known better.  To my surprise, three months later the invoice dance began anew.

Shirley emailed me to ask me to send another invoice. 
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Monday, April 30, 2007 5:32 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick -

I just realized that the email address you have for me on file is outdated.  Can you please re-send evidence of receipt of payment for the dance lessons provided to Internal Audit on Wednesday, 24 January?

Apologies for the inconvenience.

Thanks, Shirley
 

EDITOR’S NOTE: So I emailed her this invoice.

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2007 11:37 AM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Sorry I did not get back to you sooner, Shirley.  I received $150 check for the event in early February.  I thoroughly enjoyed meeting your people and only wish I had known more about the places they were from!
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley
Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2007 11:53 AM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

Hi Rick -

Sorry for this request AGAIN....my manager asked if you could please send another email with more detail.  In fact, I am creating the email with the wording needed - you just have to copy & paste.

Email wording:

SSQQ received payment in the amount of $150 in Feb 2007 for the dance instructions provided to XXX Limited Internal Audit on 24 Jan 2007.  Payment was in the form of a personal check from R C.

Please accept my apologies for being so picky....I'm just the messenger, so please don't shoot me!

Thanks, Shirley
 

EDITOR’S NOTE: Apparently my first invoice wasn't good enough.  This was too ridiculous.  Here we go again.

I was so distracted, I just glanced at the email and started typing my THIRD INVOICE. 

The problem with email is there is so much of it, sometimes I just glance at each letter in an attempt to handle it as quickly as possible. 

In this case, I failed to notice that Shirley had provided me a 'cut and paste' invoice.  That’s why my email below failed to have the correct wording.   Furthermore, I did not realize at the time that one of the women (not Shirley) who attended the lesson had paid me out of her own pocket because I never saw the check.  My wife had deposited it and mentioned to me in passing that it had come.  I had no idea who had sent the check.

This means the poor woman was fighting her own company for reimbursement.
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2007 3:17 PM
To: Shirley
Subject: RE: Group Private Lessons

To whom it may concern: I received a check for $150 in February in return for teaching a Western dance class to a group of people from other parts of the world who were in town for training.  This event took place on January 24 at 5 pm and lasted two hours.

I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of meeting these interesting people and thank you for considering me.
 

EDITOR’S NOTE:  The entire affair left me shaking my head.  Much ado about nothing.  $150 to this huge multi-national company has the significance of a speck of sand on the beach.  

This event taught me once again that I probably do not have the correct psychological make-up to have ever succeeded in a large company.  Thank goodness for my dance studio.

In addition, I was given an insight into the mind of an auditor.  This is one company that knows how to find people who pay attention to detail!  In my mind, someone took this event a little too seriously, but I imagine their amazing passion for details explains how this particular person became the supervisor.

As for poor Shirley, she was always gracious to me in the emails and gracious to me in person as well.  I imagine she was caught between a rock and a hard place.  Although perhaps she is fed up with me, I for one admire Shirley for her patience.  She is a better person than me.
 

20. JOKES OF THE MONTH - THE JOKE PICTURE AND THE JOKE HALL OF FAME FOR JUNE

We publish one Picture Joke each month.  This month my friend Letty Daughterty shares a fabulous picture of a BMW with its windows bashed to smithereens for a good reason: it parked next to a fire hydrant and the firemen needed access.

SSQQ has acquired about 600 jokes over the last ten years.  My favorite joke from the June Hall of Fame was given to us by Chris Holmes.  You can read this joke and nearly 100 others at our Joke Hall of Fame. 

June CS 40: Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer - Chris Holmes

Robert's father was not doing very well. A terminal illness had entered the final phase. The doctors gave the elderly man a couple months to live.

Robert got the bad news. Outwardly he frowned, but inwardly he was thrilled!

Robert was due to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died. The man was a widower and had also outlived all his relatives and most of his friends.

Robert and his father had never gotten along well. The old man could barely stand his rotten nature, his gambling, his womanizing, his drinking, and laziness.  Robert had barely worked a day in his life, preferring to suck off of his father's wealth instead.  His parasitic lifestyle didn't bother him at all.

"So what if he doesn't like me?" Robert thought. "I'm his only heir.  The old man's got plenty of dough. Heck, why bother working?"  Of course Robert didn't like his father's constant needling, but he had gotten used to it.  Who cares?  Let him rant and rave as long as the money kept coming like it always did.

What a cosmic joke!  Once his jerk of a father died, Robert was set for life.

Robert was getting friskier by the moment thinking of all the things he was going to do with that dough.  He decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So Robert went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. He thought of a quick way to get into her pants.

"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass away and I'll inherit over 30 million dollars.  Show me a good time tonight and I'll take you on a trip anywhere you want to go!"

The woman raised an eyebrow. She let Robert buy her a drink and sit beside her. As she sipped her drink, she asked him a couple questions to see if he was on the level.

Robert could see she dug him. Her smile grew broader with each tale he told her about the money. Later that night the woman indeed went home with Robert.

As they pulled into his driveway of the house his father had bought for him, Robert couldn't help but be pleased that his clever ploy had worked so effortlessly. This woman couldn't wait to get her hooks into him!  The only trip she was going on was right here in his bed.  In fact, he decided to have some fun and make her envious. He taunted her all night long with the things a guy like him could do with that kind of money. He knew that kind of talk would drive a gold digger like her wild with temptation!

He had been right about her.  He bragged about his money all night long. The woman just smiled quietly, but he could tell she listened to every word he said about what a fool his father was.

Four days later she became his stepmother.  Four days after that there was a new will.