The
February 2009 SSQQ Newsletter Issue Two
Written by Rick Archer
THE NEW FEBRUARY SSQQ DANCE SCHEDULE BEGINS SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm
Students are always
welcome to start class in the Second Week of the Dance Semester.
In particular, we could use more men in my Intermediate Western
Waltz class. Although there are 35 people signed up, we had six
extra ladies last week while you manly brutes were busy watching the
Super Bowl Pregame show.
For you men who haven't gotten the memo, Waltz more than any other
dance seems to affect women emotionally. If the fastest way to a
man's heart is through his stomach, a woman's heart is especially
available through a Waltz.
If you don't believe me, I once wrote a very interesting story about
this phenomenon.
To read about the Waltz Kings, visit
http://www.ssqq.com/stories/advice1.htm
By the way, we also need extra ladies in Martian Whip Technique on
Sundays/Mondays 7 pm.
...............
DANCE PARTIES IN FEBRUARY:
THE RED AND WHITE VALENTINES SWING PARTY
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party3.htm
Saturday, February 14, 9 - 11:30 pm
Crash Courses 7-9 PM
(to register for a class, just show up around 6:45 pm)
CINDERELLA'S WALTZ (ADVANCED PATTERNS) - Rick
SLOW DANCING - Marla (couples only)
RUMBA - The Latin Dance of Romance - Jill
PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ: BEGINNING SWING - Becky
VALENTINE'S DAY SWING PATTERNS (ADVANCED PATTERNS) - Maureen
SINATRA FOXTROT - Jack
About the Party: There will be mostly Swing music (both East and
West Coast) played at this party. In addition, as a nod to the
Romantic nature of the evening, expect many Waltzes and some Sinatra
Foxtrots as well. And I will take song requests as well.
In addition, if I hear ONE MORE 'SINGLE' PERSON tell me they aren't
coming because it will only be couples, I will beat them with a
pillow. That is a promise.
This is a dance party. At SSQQ, everyone dances with everyone. For
example, I am happily married, but I promise you that Marla and I do
not want to dance exclusively with each other all night long.
Married people like to dance with single people too! We are all
friends, remember?
You single people need to quit acting like refugees from a leper
colony. Singles will not be 'singled out', I assure you. In
addition, we will do some John-Paul-Jones dances and partner
switching dances so that everyone participates.
THE SSQQ SALSA EXPLOSION DANCE PARTY THIS WEEKEND!
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party04salsa.htm
Saturday, February 21, 9 - Midnight
CRASH COURSES 7-9 PM
(To register, just show at 6:45 and pay at the door)
DIRTY SALSA - Dakota
BEG BACHATA - Linda
BEG SALSA - Angela and Morris
SALSA DIPS AND LUNGES - Noe
BEGINNING CUMBIA - Steve
INTERMEDIATE SALSA PTNS - Ulyses and Shelli
There will be a Salsa dance demonstration during the party plus
Sonja and Noe will demonstrate Argentine Tango again.
.................................
STEVE GABINO, MASTER PHOTOGRAPHER
http://www.ssqq.com/halloween/stevegabino.htm
This issue of the SSQQ
Newsletter features our annual review of the Best Costume Contest
from the 2008 Party.
If the first thought that crosses your mind is that we are closer to
the 2009 Party than we are to the 2008 Party, then that shows you
what a small, narrow-minded person you are. I deliberately take my
sweet time working on these important decisions so that each choice
is PERFECT. But that's our next story.
Right now I wish to honor Steve Gabino, the man who takes those
wonderful Halloween Party pictures for us! Not only is Steve one of
the most popular SSQQ instructors, he is very kind to share his
immense talents with us at Halloween time.
Recently I discovered that Steve is available as a freelance
photographer. Considering how many couples get married through SSQQ,
Steve went out and bought a camera hoping to catch some Wedding
Business on the side. What a clever idea! And it worked too!
Actually I am kidding a little.
Steve has been honing his photography skills on a near-daily basis
ever since digital cameras came along. I think it is great that
Steve is able to parlay a hobby into a side business. I did the same
thing with 'dancing' about 34 years ago and it worked out pretty
well for me.
Maybe we will see a "Great Gabino Photography Shop" one of these
days!
If you would like to learn more about Steve and his photography
skills, please visit:
http://www.ssqq.com/halloween/stevegabino.htm
..............
Halloween Best Costumes 2008
(Suggestion: Before you
read this story, you should click the link above to open up the SSQQ
Best Costume page. This will allow you to follow the story and be
able to reference the pictures more easily. You will notice I refer
to other years on a frequent basis. There are links at the bottom of
all pages that allow you to time travel to the various years fairly
easily.)
The SSQQ Halloween Party is famous for several reasons. One, our
Party has a well-deserved reputation for wonderful costumes. The
costumes range from the beautiful to the macabre, from sexy to
funny, plus there are always several costumes that are so creative
and original we can't help but applaud!
Our Halloween Party is also famous for exasperation because Rick
Archer is ridiculously slow at publishing the pictures. As you can
see, this year is no exception. Some things never change.
Oh, quit your quibbling. Better late than never! Besides, it's free.
We have already read about Steve Gabino and his marvelous
photography work. So now let's go see who won what and start
belly-aching about the people who shoulda been the winners but got
ignored instead.
TOP 10 COSTUMES FROM THE 2008 HALLOWEEN PARTY.
As you can see, this year's headliners are the Big Bad Wolves. Now
we have had Big Bad Wolf winners before (eg, 1999 Best Costumes,
2000 Best Costumes), but these were exceptionally Good Big Bad Wolf
costumes. In fact, they were pure Clint Eastwood: Good, Bad, and
Ugly.
1 - Stan Romney and his lovely friend Debbie came as the Big Bad
Wolf and Little Riding Hood.
Stan and Debbie have been regular winners in our "Best Costume"
contest for several years. They were Runner-Up stars in 2005 as
Popeye and Olive Oyl. They took Runner-Up honors again in 2006 with
some sharp Roaring 20s Speakeasy costumes. Last year 2007 they hit
the Top Ten as Gepetto and Pinocchio. Wonderful costumes for four
years running! My hat is off to this couple for their continued
excellence. Oddly enough, I don't think they have ever taken a dance
class here. That alone shows they won because they are the only
people who have never complained about a thing.
2 - When it comes to "Big Bad Wolf", we had some guy who was very
impressive.
What big teeth he has! Sorry, I don't know who he is, but he looks
mean enough to take out Wolverine from X-Men. I looked through the
other 2008 pictures to see if he took off his mask, but didn't catch
any useful glimpse. Maybe someone can help me out with his identity!
3 - Who are these scary people? Or, to paraphrase the Lone Ranger,
"Who are those masked men?"
For two straight years, there has been a very scary couple that has
REFUSED to take their masks off. This presents a real problem for
me. You see, many people who come to the SSQQ party worry about
people who don't take off their masks.
To them, this goes straight to their deepest fears that REAL
MONSTERS DO ATTEND THIS PARTY. I refuse to confirm or deny this
allegation other than to say it is a distinct possibility. Let me
add this is a subject I prefer not to write too much about for fear
that it might affect attendance. There have been mysterious
disappearances over the years. People come to the Party and then we
never see them again. I just tell them they met someone cute and
have better things to do than dance, but deep down I admit I wonder
myself.
That said, I openly admit this particular 2008 Monster couple
(Chucky and the Spike-haired Alien Babe) are flesh and blood human
beings. But other people didn't know this. Chucky and Spike
certainly did frighten a lot of people at this year's party. I got a
lot of complaints!
Nor is this the first time guests have complained to me about this
same couple! It happened last year too. I let Chuck and Spike get
away with it last year, but I am telling you, they will hurt future
attendance if I don't say something right now. That explains why I
have decided to take matters into my own hands and unmask My
Favorite Monsters. Their names are Bob and Ana!
For two straight years, Bob Graham and Ana Torres have remained
hidden from the world inside their marvelous Monster costumes.
That's right - Bob and Ana are the Monsters! You people are scared
to death of two of the nicest people at the studio!
Personally speaking, although Bob and Ana are so scary they cause me
headaches, I have to begrudgingly admit I admire their endurance.
Some of you know exactly what I am talking about when I say it gets
REALLY HOT inside those costumes, especially after you dance a
little. Most people at least take off their masks for a breath of
fresh air. Not Bob and Ana! They keep those hideous rubber masks on
the entire night. Those masks are hot, they are uncomfortable, they
limit your vision, they itch, and worst of all they make you feel
very claustrophobic. These two have to be miserable inside those
outfits!
And they suffer for what reason? So people can complain about how
ugly and scary they are? Whoa, now that's a big reward! Such a
payoff!
Personally, I am glad they suffer. After you read about their rotten
behavior, you will all agree they deserve an entire night of
Punishment.
Actually Chuck and Spike perform a huge public service at the party.
How would my party ever be successful without some big, ugly
monsters? I mean, think about it. A lot of people come to this
studio looking stunning, sexy, colorful, and beautiful. They breathe
fresh air all night long. And with ugly monsters standing around,
the Beautiful People look even more beautiful! All the Beautiful
People owe a great debt to Ugly People for providing such an obvious
contrast!
So I think Bob and Ana deserve a Prize for their Service to the
Beautiful People. Bob and Ana get my 2008 Ugly Costume Hero award
for this year and for last year as well. Without their suffering,
how could we appreciate true beauty?
Actually, it is kind of ironic that Ana Torres of all people gets
"The Big Ugly" Award. What the world doesn't realize is that inside
her Monster Costume lurks the face of a real beauty! When it comes
to 'inner beauty', someone surely had Ana in mind. That's right, Ana
Torres is not only one of the sweetest ladies I know, she is
knockout pretty!
In my book, a woman this beautiful who spends an entire evening
looking gruesome and repulsive two years in a row marks her as one
heck of a neat girl! So when you see me hugging her as I am wont to
do every time I see her, now you know why I think Ana is so special!
And while I am giving out compliments, Bob is definitely one of the
nicest guys I know as well. He and Ana fit like a glove with their
smiles and warmth.
You might be surprised to learn that despite the fact that I really
both people, Bob and Ana are in BIG TROUBLE with me.
One week ago on Wednesday, January 28, these two characters showed
up for my Ghost Town class wearing Matching Green outfits. Now,
here's the deal. It is obvious the two have a lot of affection for
each other. I don't have a problem with that. But when they wear
Matching Color-Coordinated Outfits, they cross a line. People who
are lonely see how happy they are and how obnoxiously cute they look
together and they get envious. That's right - Bob and Ana are guilty
of flaunting their happiness in front of an entire class (secretly,
I think they are getting back at all of us for not appreciating them
enough when they are ugly.)
So last week I gave them a warning - no more cute color-coordinated
outfits! Knock it off.
Imagine my consternation when they wore the exact same obnoxious
matching green outfits to the studio on Monday, February 2. The
nerve! So I chewed them out again! They deserved to be chewed out!
Excessive cuteness is a serious fashion crime at SSQQ.
I figured two warnings should do it. You would thing a word to the
wise should be sufficient. Wrong! On Wednesday, February 3, Bob and
Ana were in my Ghost Town class. It was a big night. There were over
200 people at the studio that night! 50 of them were in my class.
Fifty people is a lot of people to keep track of. So I was a little
preoccupied.
But then it happened. Twenty minutes into class Bob and Ana made a
big mistake - they stood next to each other. When I saw them wearing
color-coordinated Burgundy outfits, I nearly went ballistic. The
nerve!!! It didn't matter that they both turned Barney-purple with
embarrassment. That ain't gonna get them off the hook. They were TOO
CUTE!! Shame on both of them!
You know, Once is an incident. And Twice is a coincidence. But THREE
TIMES IS DELIBERATE! They are both guilty of deliberately being TOO
CUTE! This burgundy incident was no accident. Trust me. I have been
around too long. I know when people are being deliberately
color-coordinated because I am an expert. I am telling you they did
it ON PURPOSE as a shameful attention-getting device!
And I told Bob and Ana I was going to teach them a lesson and write
them up in the newsletter. Do not feel sorry for them. Do not try to
make them feel better. They are getting what they deserve! This
unacceptable behavior is tantamount to publicly sticking their
tongue out at me! Tsk Tsk!
So let this be a warning to Bob and Ana and any other
color-coordinated couples that this kind of behavior will not be
tolerated at the studio. Knock it off! From now on, cute couples
must wear un-matching outfits or expect to be publicly called out.
It is hard enough to be lonely and see a couple together that is so
obviously happy together. But when they start dress alike, that is
TOO MUCH. And I have to tell you, everyone in that room agreed with
me. Bob and Ana had gone too far. They were TOO CUTE FOR WORDS!
Shame on them. Next time I think I will spank them.
Furthermore they better not come to the 2009 Halloween Party wearing
matching outfits. That will be the absolute last straw.
4 - Mara Rivas and Bruce Hanka won as Pirates for the second year in
a row. Except this year they wore a different Pirate costume than
last year. Mind you, their costumes were wonderful, but I would have
never expected Halloween Party veterans like Bruce and Mara to make
a Style Mistake of this magnitude!
So I asked Bruce why "Pirates" two years in a row. He replied,
"Rick, you have people who come as Monsters two years in a row and
you go gagagoogoo about how great they are. Why can't we be Pirates
twice in a row? After all, Mara and I make great Pirates! This Best
Costume stuff is a cutthroat business and no one is more cutthroat
than we are."
Who can argue with that kind of logic?
5 - Sol Eisenbaum and Leanne Parkinson were just too cute as the
Marx Brothers. Did you check out Sol's Cigar and Wink? By the way, I
am too much of a gentleman to comment on Lee Ann's big grin.
Sol and Lee Ann are working on their own costume legacy. They were
on last year's Runner-Up page as Good and Evil.
6 - Leslie and Nick Tenaro are certainly no strangers to the
Winner's Circle. This year they came as Adam and Eve in the Garden
of Eden. Leslie gets extra credit for creating these costumes
herself!
Leslie never lets me forget she how she once got 'business' from her
Halloween Costume ability. In 2005, she and Nick made it to the Top
Ten for the first time. They were awesome as a "Plug" and a
"Socket". You have to go check out the picture! Leslie had the
biggest grin in her picture (similar to Lee Ann's grin this year).
You really have to hand it to Nick for being such a good sport and
wearing that outfit. It was definitely a shocking sight to see!
When Leslie isn't winning Ballroom Contests and Costume Contests,
she is a dermatologist. When a prospective client was Googling to
find a Houston dermatologist, he (she?) was so taken with the sense
of humor behind the 2005 costume that Leslie got a new client.
Nick and Leslie made Runnerup in 2006 as Zorro and his lovely
Spanish Senorita.
Unfortunately they missed the 2007 Party when Nick unexpectedly had
to leave town on a business emergency. Leslie was so disappointed
she could barely see straight! She had her Adam and Eve costume
ready to roll, but alas, she had to wait an entire year for its
debut. And what a clever costume it is! Well worth the wait.
7 - Nick Aghazarian and Barbara Smith are newcomers to our Best
Costume Circle. They were pretty wonderful. Nick was a rock star and
Barbara, well, I'm not sure what Barbara was. There was a football
hanging down (football fan?), but then there were the dollar bills
as well. Maybe Barbara was a betting on football. Who knows? Maybe
Barbara will write and explain her outfit to me.
My favorite story on confusing costumes goes all the way back to
1999. This was the year that Rocky Kneten came as a Mexican Folk
monster known as "Chupacabra". Rocky never spoke a single word the
entire night at the party. But he talked his girlfriend Laura Wild
into coming as his costume interpreter. Laura came in a business
outfit complete with pad and pencil and explanatory leaflets to be
Rocky's "Official Spokesperson". She said she was trying to line up
media appearances as well. Throughout the night Laura patiently
explained his costume and his legend to anyone who asked. Meanwhile
Rocky Chupacabra simply smiled for the cameras. I loved it!
Sorry to say, I briefly listened in once, but I didn't understand a
thing Laura said. At the time, I thought her story was so weird it
had to be made up. I thought this bizarre story was part of the
joke.
It wasn't until 2007 that I actually saw a story on National
Geographic that explained all about "Chupacabra". I was stunned to
realize this thing really exists! So that's what Rocky and Laura had
been up to! I grinned all the way through the N.G. show! What an
imagination.
So maybe Barbara needs to hire a Costume Spokesperson for her next
Halloween Costume! How about it, Nick?
8 - Joe Kintz and Bonnie Adams certainly had two of the most
beautiful costumes this year. I am not sure they are "Renaissance"
characters or someone out of "Heidi", but either way I thought they
were wonderful.
And let me add that the unsung heroes here are that naughty couple
Bob and Ana, My Favorite Monsters. As I said earlier, without ugly
monsters running around the party, how would we ever appreciate just
how beautiful Joe and Bonnie were on this night?
9 - Speaking of wonderful, Tresa Frazier came as Pine-o-Fresh Car
Freshener. Now that costume was creative! I think her outfit got my
biggest grin of the night, especially since she seemed to be
enjoying herself so much. People's noses certainly perked up
whenever she passed them by!
I think Tresa made this outfit herself. Isn't she a hoot!?
10 - Hats off to Jess and Pat Carnes for their "Hula Girl and the
Sailor". Did you notice that 6' 8" Jess was the Hula Girl? Words do
not totally describe the wonder of a 6' 8" man in a grass skirt.
That guy has guts! Those long legs took a lot of grass to cover. I
didn't even know grass grew that long.
And wasn't that a pretty cute sailor Jess came with?
I think my only regret of the entire party was that Jess did not get
his picture taken with two very pretty girls who also wore grass
skirts and Hawaiian leis. Now that would have been a picture to
rival all the Sarah Palins!
11 - Finally we get to our Bad Boy and Bad Girl. Joel Konkel and
Lori Hill came as the Devil and the Devil's consort. I heard they
had a hell of a good time at the party.
Personally, I would never dream of wearing an outfit that might
irritate the Devil, but Lori and Joel decided to throw caution to
the winds and wear their taboo outfits. More power to them. You have
to admire people who aren't superstitious. They better not get
caught dead wearing those outfits in case they are heading
downstairs. Or hope the D-Man has a sense of humor. "Gee, Mr. D, we
are your biggest fans!"
12 - Now I am well aware that a Top Ten Best Costume List should
stop some around "Ten", but I make the rules. If I want to post 12
Winners for 10 spots, that makes perfect sense to me. Besides, how
can I possibly overlook giving an award to a 6' 2" man in drag with
beautiful long legs, a winning smile, and a pretty face?
This party marks the second time that Karl Rorabacher has come to
the SSQQ Halloween Party dressed as a woman.
Karl was quite a hit back at the 1999 party as well. He was younger
then and (dare I say it?) rather "shapely" as well. Personally, I
thought Karl was much prettier than his girlfriend that night,
although I didn't bother sharing that opinion at the time. It
bothered me that I couldn't take my eyes off of Karl!
Karl was so good-looking as a woman that he was kind of scary. In
fact, Karl was even better looking than Cher Longoria that night.
What I neglected to mention was that I wasn't the only guy who
couldn't take his eyes off the tall lady in black. Karl was so
attractive in drag that several unsuspecting men accidentally asked
him to dance. I am telling you, Karl had some serious Curves! And
who can forget that beautiful face? From a distance, Karl was
definitely a Babe!
Once the men got close enough to pop the question, they were more
than slightly freaked out that to see that Lola, er Karl that is,
was really a guy. Karl definitely freaked out the entire place.
There were some great costumes at the 1999 Party, but Karl was the
hands-down hit of the night.
For this year's "Lola" reappearance, Karl seems to have toned it
down a bit.
Comparing his 1999 picture to 2008, I noticed that Karl may have
thickened a bit in the waist. I guess he has said goodbye to his
girlish figure. I think wearing the two-piece that showed off his
"masculine figure" was probably a good idea. He also didn't wear
quite as much makeup. Consequently, the only guys who asked him to
dance knew what they were getting into ahead of time.
Nevertheless, despite the changes, Karl was awesome again this year.
I am sure you will all agree that Karl is almost as beautiful today
as he was nine years ago.
And you know what, he sure danced a lot! All night long, Karl had a
long line of women and men waiting to dance with him. Aren't
Halloween Parties fun?
Our BEST GROUP PICTURE went to the "Stars of the 2008 Presidential
Election".
Historically, there are two kinds of Group Pictures - Intentional
and Unintentional.
Our very first "Group Picture" Award was presented in 1998 when four
ghastly people showed up as people who "Did Not Survive the
Titanic". Mind you, that the year when "Titanic" swept the Oscars.
It was a great 'Intentional' costume.
Our second Group Picture award came in 2001. It featured another
'Intentional' group of crazies who came dressed as some MTV video
complete with big red lips for the ladies and Blues Brothers
sunglasses for the men. I wish I had learned more about their
costumes because they were pretty striking together.
I probably should have given a Group award to the three naughty Boy
Scouts in 2002, but for some reason the number 4 sticks in my mind
as the minimum. 1 is a Single, 2 is a Couple, 3 is a Crowd, and 4 is
a Group. The Boy Scouts came up one short.
In 2003, the Group Award went to constant publicity-hound Gareld
McEathron and his beautiful wife Virginia who were stunning in their
authentic Oriental robes. They joined three other people wearing
similar outfits to create a very attractive 5-person group picture.
Of course, this was an 'Unintentional' victory since Gareld had no
idea someone would be there wearing a similar costume.
Gareld's stunning victory caught the eye of another notorious
publicity hound, George Sargent. No stranger to excessive amounts of
attention, Mr. Handsome was not going to leave anything to chance.
For the following party, George talked his friends into coming as
the characters from the Wizard of Oz. Naturally George took the plum
role - Dorothy. He had great red slippers, but he forgot to bring
Toto along.
This group formed was the best "Intentional Group Picture" in studio
history. Four years later, the amazing 2004 Wizard of Oz Gang
featuring Mr Handsome still stands unchallenged as the best Group
Costume ever.
2004 featured an excellent Runner-Up Group that came dressed as
Slows and Quicks. They were pretty cute!
Although you would think the Intentionals should have a built-in
advantage, the winners of this contest usually goes to an
"unintentional" group like Hippies or Pirates. 2005 was the perfect
example.
2005 was won by a group of Unintentional Pirates. Amazing but true,
that was probably the only year Bruce and Mara didn't come as
Pirates! That was the year Mara came as a Hippie. She participated
with a huge group of Unintentional Hippies who won the Runnerup
Group prize.
There was no group winner in 2006.
I thought 2005 would be the end of that Pirate nonsense. Boy was I
wrong. After "Pirates of the Caribbean", my gosh, there must have
been 300 pirates at the 2007 Party! The whole studio went Pirate
that year. Sure enough, Mara and Bruce were front and center in the
Group Victory shot as Pirates. I think they were so taken with their
success, the Pirate concept was permanently etched in their minds.
Now I am deeply worried we may never see them in another costume.
Despite Bruce and Mara's best efforts, the Pirates did not win again
this year in 2008. Instead, this year's nod for best Group Picture
went to Sarah Palin and company - four guests, known troublemakers
mind you, who unintentionally came to the party completely unaware
that there were several other people tuned into the exact same
twisted wave length.
Yes, the Sarah Palins plus Joe the Plumber definitely stole the
Show! Historically, current events have always been fair game for
costumes. One guy came as the Stock Market Crash of 1989. And don't
forget the Titanic Victims in 1998. But I think my favorite costume
in this category has to be the guy who came as "Baby Jessica", the
little girl who fell in the well back in the early Eighties. Dressed
in baby clothes, this guy carried that stupid well around him all
evening long.
This year Mike Dwyer as Joe plus Teresa O'Donnell, Caroline Kelley,
and Lacy Crary as our three Sarahs were good for a big grin. I
especially liked Caroline in her red dress complete with shotgun and
Baby Trig.
Indeed, Lacey and Caroline had the biggest grins all night long.
They got teased a lot, but it didn't bother them at all. Their
smiles indicated they absolutely reveled in all the attention given
to them. Caroline especially showed great fondness for that gun. I
heard there was a guy in a moose outfit who ran every time Caroline
came near with her shotgun. Boy, I would loved to have gotten that
picture!
And now we turn our attention to the TOP 10 RUNNER-UP COSTUMES from
the 2008 Halloween Party.
http://www.ssqq.com/halloween/halloweenbest2008runnerup.htm
As our party has grown over the years, so has the need to extend our
recognition to more people for their creativity, hard work, and yes,
willingness to spend lots of money in a desperate attempt for
attention. Some of those costumes must have cost a small fortune to
rent!
2002 marked the first time I created an "Honorable Mention" category
to acknowledge the people who were near misses for the Top Ten. It
wasn't until 2006 that I upgraded the status of the 'Honorable
Mentions' to "Runner-Ups".
I cannot tell you how much easier this made my task in selecting
best costumes. With so many good costumes, limiting the List to just
ten costumes was driving me crazy.
This also expanded my chance to make some bribe money. For years, I
have done my best Blagojevich effort to make some money and sell
these honors. Sad to say, I don't usually get many takers, but
having two pages seemed to help. The Also-Rans discretely inquired
what it would take to make it into the Top Ten. I was pleased to be
able to sell several 'Upgrades'.
Whenever the Blagojevich money dries up, I generally have to choose
on merit. What a waste of time! Frankly speaking, that takes
forever. There are just too many good costumes to choose from. It
would be so much easier if people would just pay me some appearance
money and get it over with. For ten bucks or so - we ain't taking
Senate Seat money here mind you - someone's costume begins to look a
whole lot better to me!
But, alas, as it stands, I have to slog through all the pictures and
decide who is better than the other. Then after I complete this
thankless and LARGELY UNPAID task, throughout the year people have
the nerve to pull me aside and demand to know why their stupid
unoriginal and unscary ghost outfit didn't win. Please, you have to
do more than throw a blanket over your head to win this contest!
I actually do have some criterion to go by as opposed to "Eeny
Meenie Mynie Mo Pick the Couple that pays the Most Dough".
As a rule, in my mind "Couples" have a huge advantage over
"Singles". This year was no exception. Only four solo acts made Page
One (including the Invisible Man) against nine couples. And not one
Solo Act made Runner-Up. Now that ratio would improve instantly if
someone would slip me some dough, but oh well, as Rod B and me know
from first-hand experience, most people are too cheap to pay for
value.
1 - Our first couple on Page Two was Dan and Judy Bates. I thought
they wore wonderful 1800s Mississippi Riverboat costumes. However,
Dan later informed me they actually Dickens costumes.
Mark Twain/ Dickens/Smickens, big deal. Either way, they look great
so quit making me feel stupid for not knowing what your costume is!
Or hire a Costume Spokesperson and do society a favor. No one likes
to be embarrassed at showing Costume Ignorance. I should know.
By the way, Dan and Judy won Top Ten honors in 2006 as George and
Martha Washington. They have a history of wonderful costumes.
2- This Salsa Couple was sensational. Shall I admit the young lady
took my breath away? I don't know their names or how to describe
what they are wearing other than 'leather', but they get my vote as
the evening's hottest couple.
3 - Rowena Roche and Charlie Denton were definitely the coolest of
the Hippies! Except that something bothers me about their costumes.
Now that I think of it, I don't recall hippies being as clean cut or
costume-coordinated as Charlie and Rowena. But they were definitely
gorgeous together!
On second inspection, maybe Charlie and Rowena are a Disco couple.
Their Peace symbols have me confused. I hate Costume Confusion!
This was Rowena's first trip to the Winner's Circle, but Charlie
previously won for his Blood, Guts, and Al Gore outfit in 2006. It
was only later that I realized he should have been disqualified
after I was told that's how Charlie usually looks at work.
4 - Fortunately some real Hippies showed up. Jackie Chang and Jack
Benard were positively groovy! And yes, this is more the "Look" I
recall from this era.
I would like to thank Jack and Jackie, or Double Jack (DJ for short)
as they are sometimes known, for their continued excellence in
Halloween costumes. DJ first drew all eyes when they came to the
2006 Party as sensational characters out of Arabian Nights. Who can
forget their colorful costumes with Jack as the eight foot tall
Genie and Jackie as the shapely "I Dream of Genie" girl?
Following their success of 2006, this "IT" couple did "IT" again in
2007, making our Top Ten for the second year in a row. Taking a page
out of Bruce and Mara's playbook, they came as Pirates of the
Caribbean along with three hundred other guests. Let me add that
with apologies to Bruce, in 2007 Jack was much scarier as a Pirate
than Mr Hanka (Bruce tends to be more of the pretty pirate type).
How Jack danced with that hook in his hand is beyond me, but he gave
"Hooked on Swing" a whole new meaning.
This year, unlike Bruce and Mara, DJ decided to be original in 2008
and come as something besides Pirates. Dressed as Hippies (now
that's original!), DJ slipped to Page Two. That's what you get
sometimes for taking a fashion risk! (Bruce and Mara know better -
they are Pirates for Life).
So DJ only made the Runnerup Page... but don't feel sorry for them,
that's still an honor! Besides, they were much more authentic
Hippies than Charlie and Rowena as the Glam Hippies.
Too bad Hippies are unusually poor people. Just a little Blagojevich
money and I am positive DJ would have been promoted back to Page One
where they belonged with Bruce and Mara! In fact, I was just itching
for an excuse to bounce B & M to the Runner-Up page for their
serious fashion faux pas.
I estimate it would only taken Jack and Jackie $5 to bounce Bruce
and Mara to Page Two. What a close call! They always talk about how
the margin of victory in major contests is very small; the
exceptional and extremely important SSQQ Halloween Costume Contest
is no exception.
5 - Mike Dwyer was a double winner this year. Not only did he win
for "Best Group Picture", he and his wife Brenda won Runner-ups
Honors as Joe the Plumber and Mrs. Joe. Unfortunately, like DJ and
the other runner-ups, Mike refused to pay any upgrade dinero either
to make it to Page One. I am so frustrated. Why won't anyone pay for
an upgrade? Now I know for a fact that those over-dressed Chronicle
women pay through the nose to make that "Best Dressed List". What
does the Chronicle know about this scam that I don't?
6 - Here is yet another couple whose names I don't know their names.
I thought their Renaissance outfits were gorgeous. Just in case you
haven't noticed, I am a big sucker for Renaissance costumes. Any
cursory review of previous years reveals a Renaissance costume
winner practically every year.
7 - Jim Colby came as Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter and Marlane
Kayfes came as some sort of bird. Marlane made her Bird costume, by
the way, which is why I am proud of her although I have no idea what
kind of bird she was. Too bad she didn't write her Genus on the
back. That would have been a stroke of Genus. I enjoyed watching
Marlane dance in that outfit, just kind of paddling around with
those slippery yellow slippers on. I love watching sexy women
waddle. Oh the way they move!
I am guessing that Jim and Marlane have made our "Best of" issue
more times than anyone else. I see they made Runner-up in 2002 as
ancient Romans, Top Ten in 2003 as the Spaghetti Cooks, Runner-Ups
in 2004 as Naval Officers, Top Ten as Pirates in 2005, Runner-up in
2006 as Cowboy and Indian, and in 2007 as... er... as.... Oops they
didn't win in 2007. Why not?
Hmm. As I scanned the years, I couldn't help but be curious why
Marlane and Jim were not listed in 2007. So I did a review of 250
pictures from 2007. Well, I made a critical observation - they
didn't get their picture taken! In fact, they weren't even at the
party that year.
It's kind of tough to win without a picture, although a little
Blagojevich money would have solved that problem nicely. Ordinarily
the lack of attendance would be a problem, but not at a Halloween
Party. People win all the time without having to show their face.
Just ask Bob and Ana or Mr. Big Bad Wolf.
All I had to do was stick two Monster pictures up there and call
them "Jim and Marlane". No one would have known the difference and I
would have been a little richer. (Hint: In fact, it's not too late.
And that goes for the rest of you too! Just pick a year and show me
the money.)
Well, too bad about 2007, but I am glad to see Jim and Marlane made
it back to their rightful spot in 2008. I am flattered they like
this party enough to put so much effort into a wonderful series of
great costumes.
8 - Betty and Keith Baker were colorful and very cute as well as the
Mexican Senora and Senorita! I especially liked Keith's mustache
although I thought maybe a little dried Nacho cheese dip on the end
would have been a nice feature.
9 - I don't know who Mr. Beetlejuice and his girlfriend were, but
Becky Bratton definitely seemed put out that Mrs. Beetlejuice had
the nerve to wear the exact same Ghoul costume as she did!
You know, that has to really bug someone. I think Becky looked much
more ghastly (that's a compliment, mind you) than that other Hussy
Ghoul, so why did the other woman win?
Sorry, Becky, you shoulda won, but where's your Mr. Beetlejuice?
Solo acts have such a difficult uphill struggle to victory. Besides,
a little money and Becky and Mrs. Beetlejuice would have swapped
places in the picture SWIFTLY. People just don't seem to get it, do
they?
10 - The Home Shopping Network twins. Their ribbons say "Shopping
Fair". I do not know who these two ladies are, but I enjoyed their
outfits. They are practically twins! I wonder if they are twins in
real life. People might wonder how mundane "shopping outfits" made
it onto this page of such great honor. Well, these ladies made a
small contribution to the right person. Are you getting the picture?
By the way, the 2009 Party is just around the corner. Hang onto that
thought.
A TIE FOR THE CUTEST PICTURE AWARD
This year I decided to create a new category: Cutest Picture. I had
three winners this year. There is one couple - you just have to see
the picture - that has to be the one of the best dance pictures I
have ever seen. These two dancers are not only gorgeous, but they
are happy and grinning, and it is a GREAT PICTURE thanks to Steve
Gabino and his camera genius.
You might also notice that this cute couple is 'color-coordinated'.
Such is the power of color-coordination! It adds so much to a
picture! Now you see what I mean. It almost too much to take when
two people look this damn happy together and they are wearing
matching outfits! Plus they are young. I am beginning to hate them.
Now our second couple is no stranger to any of us. Maite Rombado and
Leroy Ginzel didn't win any best costume honors, but they did tie
for the Runnerup "Cutest Picture Award". They are too cute together.
Now in Leroy's case, he was robbed. Leroy came to this party as
Dracula. And let me tell you, Leroy looked great! Leroy's costume
was great! He should've won (Hint: it's not too late), but he was
disqualified on a small technicality. You see, Leroy is older than
dirt! That makes me suspicious.
I went to the Internet and found a picture of Leroy from a Toga
Party around the time of Julius Caesar. That's "BC" for you history
buffs. That gives you an idea how old Leroy is.
And there is only ONE POSSIBLE EXPLANATION for that Toga Picture -
Leroy has been around FOREVER. I think Leroy came dressed as Dracula
for a good reason: LEROY IS DRACULA! How else do you explain that
kind of immortality?
I just don't think you should win an award for coming dressed as
yourself (nor will you get any stupid award for coming dressed as
'Rick Archer/Scary Dance Teacher' either).
But even if Leroy came as himself, I think he still qualifies for
the CUTEST PICTURE award. After all, Leroy is CUTE. No one can deny
that. Plus don't you agree Maite and Leroy look happy dancing
together? Too bad I haven't seen Maite since. The most likely
explanation is that Leroy bit her after the song was over. That's
why you never see Leroy with the same girl twice!
Now the Winner of the Cutest Picture Award goes to Steve Gabino and
Vivian Gufstafson. They won for two specific reasons. One, their
picture is beyond a doubt the Best Picture. It should win! But you
and I know that excellence alone doesn't guarantee anything in this
heavily rigged contest.
So there must be some other reason as well, right?
Right!
Steve agreed to waive his usual photography fee in exchange for this
important moment of glory. That's right, Steve forked over some
serious Blagojevich dough so he and his beautiful girlfriend Vivian
could win the coveted "Cutest Picture Award". In fact, that's why I
created this new category in the first place. It was a simple excuse
to stick Steve's picture in there. Now mind you, in a perfect world,
Steve and Vivian would have won the cute award fair and square, but
it never hurts to cover your bet.
Finally we wrap things up with another tie for Best Runner-up Best
Group Picture. As it stands, there is a Tie between The Arabs and
The Candy Girls.
Joy Al-Jazrawi , Gina Nelson and her husband Brandon, plus their
vivacious mother Ann Al-Jazrawi wore authentic Arab dress. They
looked wonderful together. However, since Sam, Ann's husband, did
not show up, that cost this group terribly. You see, if Dad had been
there, they would have had FIVE people which would have beat the
CANDY GIRLS who only had FOUR people.
Lin Mills, Glenda Lee, Judy Foster came as the stunning and fetching
Candy Girls. This is what is known as an "Intentional Group". They
were intentionally stunning together. However since the Group Rule
specifies there has to be FOUR people (you are correct - I just made
this rule up), they invited special guest Mary Denise Duncan as
Cruella de Ville to join their BAD GIRL GROUP. Mary Denise helped
this group tie with the Arab Family.
This was the Halloween debut for Joy, Gina and husband Brandon, plus
Ann and her husband Sam... oops no Sam. Too bad Sam didn't make it
(But a simple bribe can always change everything.)
For weeks, Joy and Gina had promised me their Dad was coming to the
party. Imagine my disappointment when they said he had chickened out
at the last minute.
But this story has a happy ending. Gina got on the cell to her Dad
and told him to drop by. Just as the party ended, Sam came into the
studio for a last-minute tie-breaking photograph. Isn't that
wonderful!
But Sam's remarkable last-minute appearance spelled Tough luck for
the Candy Girls. What a shame. But I think they learned their
lesson...
To make the Show, hand me some dough. And if you're Cheap, your
picture's Bleep.
.................
BOMB INJURES PHYSICIAN
West Memphis, Arkansas
In case you missed this
story in the Feb 5 issue of the Chronicle, the first paragraph said:
"A car bomb explosion critically wounded Dr. Trent Pierce,
detonating in his driveway as he was leaving for work."
It was this following quote that really caught my eye:
West Memphis Police Chief Bob Paudert said, "We don't know if this
was a random target or someone specifically targeted him."
Not to make light of this tragedy, but how many car bombings in the
USA are random? To me, a car bombing seems kind of personal.
..........
THE THREE-YEAR UPDATE ON THE SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE STORY
http://www.ssqq.com/romance/romance2009story.htm
With Valentine's Day
rapidly approaching, I am pleased to report that Slow Dance and
Romance is indeed alive and well here at SSQQ.
In 2008, we had 15 Weddings that were either be directly attributed
to SSQQ or that SSQQ played a significant role in creating. This
amazing total was actually just par for the course. Over the past 10
years, I have listed 147 Weddings that SSQQ has been involved in...
and that's just counting the ones I know about. There are plenty
more, believe me.
2009 has already brought us our first SSQQ Wedding. Former SSQQ
Dance Instructor Leo Skiba married his long-time sweetheart Rebecca
Turini in early January 2009. Leo met Rebecca in 2005 when she took
his Beginning Two Step class here at the studio. Leo promises me
plenty of details and a picture!
Furthermore, as I write, there are at least five more SSQQ weddings
right around the corner: Patty Pennington and Guy Hoover, Olga
Bochareva and Luis Castillo, Gerry Francis and Amy Adams, Keith
Patterson and Penny Gunderson, plus Gus Donnell and Fran Zandstra.
We are approaching the three year anniversary of my Matchmaker Story
about the history of the studio's legendary ability to create
positive relationships.
(RICK ARCHER'S NOTE: This story is continued at
http://www.ssqq.com/romance/romance2009story.htm
..................................
WESTERN LINE DANCING
CLASS WITH ANITA WILLIAMS
SUNDAY AFTERNOONS 3:30-4:30 PM. Starts Sunday, February 8.
This class will meet three Sundays in February and will cost $25 To
register, just show up.
Line Dancing as most people are well aware is a series of steps
danced in unison by a group of people in line formation. Everyone is
doing the same step at the same time. It is very popular with all
ages and can be fast or slow, set to all types of music and dance
styles. (i.e. cha-cha, waltz, east coast swing, polka, jazz)
Line Dancing has several benefits. It doesn't require a dance
partner, it promotes cardiovascular health through physical workouts
of varying intensity, it increases mobility, it creates the
opportunity for creativity and memorizing the patterns exercises
your brain.
That's the official description. The unofficial description is that
Line Dancing is Fun! It is dancing and exercise rolled into one.
Since the class is open to both Beginners and Intermediate dancers,
Anita will teach two to three dances each week, some easy, some
difficult. In addition, she will review them so you won't forget
them.
What to bring: soled shoes or tennis shoes, layered clothing, a
sense of humor.
What to expect: Expect to have a lot of fun.
Rick Archer's Note: Some classes are offered at SSQQ to pay the rent
and some classes are offered to nurture the soul. This is a class
that deserves to succeed. We have decided to skip starting it
Superbowl Sunday, but plan on joining the following Sunday, February
8 at 3:30 pm. Just show up!
BACKGROUND ON THE LINE DANCE CLASS
Anita Williams began teaching at SSQQ in 1996. Besides being an
awesome dancer, Anita is also very funny! She is teaching this class
at my request. You would be surprised how many people bug me about
Line Dancing. When Cher Longoria told me Anita had won a major line
dance contest recently, I decided to ask her what she thought.
Anita replied, "Rick, check out this
new dance
I learned at when I went to World's this year...
In response to your question, I'd love to see something like this
take off at the studio, but it's hard to get line dancing going in
Texas. If we were up north, no problem but here in Houston it's not
so popular.
I guess people think of it as a little old lady's dance, but if
people saw some of the new stuff they would be amazed. It's so much
fun. BTW did you know that 90% of the line dances are NOT country
music?"
..........
ANITA'S RESUME
SSQQ Veterans will remember that Anita competed with the SSQQ World
Champion dance team known as Heartbeat around 2001
(
http://www.ssqq.com/stories/advent35.htm
Besides Heartbeat, Anita
has also competed individually. She advanced to the professional
level in 2003 and won the UCWDC World's West Coast Swing Female
Diamond Advanced title. Anita has coached amateur students to
numerous championships including 4 World titles and one National
title.
Anita currently competes in line dance at the advanced and Showcase
level. She recently placed 2nd overall at UCWDC World's in Advanced
Classic line dance and 3rd in Showcase Line Dance competition. When
Anita is not competing, she teaches line dance at various dance
events all over the country.
..................
UPDATE ON CONQUEST 2009, OUR SUMMER DANCE CRUISE
http://www.ssqq.com/travel/conquest2009.htm
In last week's issue, I
welcomed these seven people to our upcoming August cruise:
Jack Myers
Jo Wilson
Keith Baker
Betty Baker
Gene Garner
Charlie Denton
Rowena Roche
Now, one week later, welcome aboard to nine more new passengers!
Lori Hill
Virginia Howe
Martin Pelaez
Nadia Pelaez
Caitlin Prescott
Cindy Flores
Michael Flores
Penney Warren
Tim Bailey
In case you are counting, that makes 16 people in just two weeks.
----- Original Message -----
From: e
To: marla@ssqq.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 9:23 AM
Subject: Carribean Cruise in August - Questions
Marla,
Hi, I have been reading about the SSQQ trips for years now in the
newsletter. I'm finally in a position in my life to consider going.
I do have some questions, though.
If you don't have a roommate do you collect names of those who are
looking for people to share with and match them up (sort of potluck
like at camp)? If there is an odd number I guess that person will
need to pay a single room rate? Does that even exist or is it double
the price? I've never been on a cruise so I don't know how that all
works.
In the past what has been the mix of people? Are they mainly
couples? Are there lots of single women and men or has it been
mainly couples and a few singles? Of course I'm concerned that it
will be heavy with single women on the dancing nights.
From: Marla
Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 3:26 PM
To: e
Subject: Re: Carribean Cruise in August - Questions
Hello Elizabeth,
1. I match up roommates based on the cabin type selected and then
the passenger's age.
Yes, it is like potluck. Most times it works; once in a while you
roll your eyes. One hint: If the registration form is turned in
prior to the deadline, we will do our best to find a roommate
scientifically.
last minute signups can't be choosy. Single occupancy is always an
option.
2. The Caribbean cruise mix is usually 60% singles/40% couples. The
ratio of men to women is usually 40%men/ 60% women. Whether you
dance or not is pretty much up to you. If you wait for someone to
ask you, you will sit for awhile. Feel free to ask people to dance..
.
The best thing to do is to take some group dance classes prior to
the cruise and get to know everybody.
All I can tell you is that I was new to the studio in 2001 and
signed up for the cruise. The boy/girl ratio and the married to
single ratio was not any different then. I met my future husband on
the cruise. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but life
is what you wish to make of it.
I hope you will join us,
.......................
UPDATE ON OUR BARCELONA 2009 TRIP
http://www.ssqq.com/travel/barcelona2009.htm
From: Marla Archer
Sent: Friday, January 23, 2009 4:47 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Barcelona
Hello Everybody,
We are currently up to 37 passengers who are headed to the world's
most favorite Western Mediterranean cruise destinations.
If you have been sitting on the fence, it is now time to sign up for
the cruise! Don't miss out on sharing so many adventures with all
your friends in the world's most favorite vacation destination.
A $250 deposit will hold your spot on the trip all the way until
final payment on July 15th, 2009. That is right, you have six months
to save for this fabulous cruise!
Royal Caribbean has given me a few more days to hold on to my
reserved group space. We have until Wednesday, January 28th to add
anyone to the group. On Thursday, January 29th I can still add
people to our group, however it will be at the prevailing rate.
Group Pricing is as follows:
Inside Category N -- $896 per person cruise only
Oceanview Category I -- $1136 per person cruise only
Balcony Category E1 -- $1446 per person cruise only
All prices are double occupancy.
You will be pleased to know that this trip has become less
expensive. For one thing, the fuel surcharge is gone. In addition,
the room prices have dropped $170 for the Inside Cabins, $220 for
Oceanview, and $60 less for Balconies. Also encouraging is the Euro
to Dollar ratio has improved dramatically in our favor since last
year's trip. Air fare has dropped considerably as well. This trip
will never be inexpensive, but at least it is becoming more of a
bargain.
I hope you will decide to join us for another trip of a lifetime!
Don't miss out on this wonderful experience!!!
You may email or fax me the information or simply hand the form to
Rick or me at the studio.
http://www.ssqq.com/travel/barcelona2009registration.htm
....................
EXPLORING POTENTIAL FUTURE CRUISE DESTINATIONS
(Rick Archer's Note: This was an article sent to me by Alan Fox,
owner of Vacations to Go, a Houston-based Travel Agency that has
grown to be one of the most successful travel agencies in the
country. Alan is a former basketball buddy of mine and good friend.
Here is Alan's first-hand story of his trip to Antarctica.)
From: VacationsToGo.com
Sent: Monday, February 02, 2009 10:21 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Vacations To Go Cruise Newsletter antarctica
Dear Mr. Archer,
Alan Fox is cruising Antarctica on the Minerva, chartered by Regent
Seven Seas, and his first report follows.
________________________________________
Crrrreeeeeeeeeeeekkk.
The walls and decks grind and groan.
ShuuuweeeuuuWEEEE!!!
The frigid wind howls at our window.
Whump, whump!
The bow of the Minerva rises on the crest of a massive wave before
crashing back into the froth and spray, sending shudders from bow to
stern.
I am writing today from the heart of the notorious Drake Passage, en
route from Port Stanley (Falkland Islands) to Antarctica. After a
lifetime of dreaming, a year of anticipation and thousands of miles
covered since leaving Houston six days ago, I am 36 hours from
setting eyes on the white continent.
Today is our first full day in the passage (a crossing takes two
days and two nights), and we are bouncing about in what is referred
to as a "whole gale," a 10 on the 1-12 Beaufort Scale, where 12 is a
hurricane.
The Drake is known for the world's roughest water, and it is said
that crossing her is the tax one must pay to see Antarctica. The
Drake Tax is paid in two installments, one down and one back, and
some passengers pay more than others.
When we reach the Antarctic Peninsula we will be protected from high
seas by the mountainous coastline, but in this 500-mile stretch of
open water, motion sickness is a real possibility.
About half of the 198 passengers onboard have failed to make a
public appearance since we departed Port Stanley last night. At
least their cabins are comfortable and cozy, and those who can raise
their heads are able to watch ship lectures, movies and DVDs on TV.
The ship's crew takes numerous precautions before entering such a
storm. Metal covers have been installed over portholes on the lowest
passenger deck to prevent water from entering as waves slap the
sides of the ship. "Sickness bags" have been placed every few feet
along hand rails throughout the vessel.
In the sparsely attended dining room, chairs and tables are
permanently chained or bolted to the floor, along with most of the
rest of the ship's furniture. Tablecloths have been dampened to
prevent plates and glasses from sliding, but unattended silverware
will dance off your plate in seconds.
Items in our cabin seem to have sprung to life. Drawers swing open
and then close on their own, as does one of the closet doors, and
hanging clothes slide back and forth on the bar. The curtain over
our window hugs the wall as the ship leans to port but as she tilts
to starboard, the bottom of the curtain swings away from the wall
and the twilight fills the room.
It's impossible to capture the size of these waves in a photograph
so I went to an exposed wing of the bridge and took a series of
shots of the bow of the ship to give you a sense of the motion we
are experiencing. They are in the accompanying slide show and yes, I
was soaked head to foot in the process!
Those of us who were out and about today have learned to work with
the pitch and roll of the ship rather than fight it. With feet
splayed outward like a penguin for extra stability, we rush forward
when our path slopes downhill and pause momentarily when it tilts
uphill, and weave from wall to wall as we move along hallways.
Secretly, I am enjoying this new way of walking and also found the
shower experience entertaining, slipping and sliding from one
side--thump--to another--thump--of the small enclosure. No doubt
sensible people skipped their showers altogether.
Our trip began with an overnight flight from Houston to Buenos
Aires, where Regent Seven Seas had arranged a pre-cruise stay at the
upscale and ideally located Melia Hotel. Buenos Aires is a friendly,
walkable city, with nice restaurants, spacious parks and
pedestrian-only shopping streets.
The highlight of our afternoon stroll was the sprawling and
immaculately maintained Recoleta Cemetery, final resting place for
Eva Perón and Argentina's famous and well-to-do of the past 150
years.
Mausoleums looming 10 to 20 feet high are packed tightly in a maze
of paved sidewalks and alleys that are oddly reminiscent of a
19th-century European town, about 2/3 scale. When the gates close
for the evening, a colony of feral cats remain behind, Recoleta's
only living inhabitants.
For dinner, we enjoyed Argentine steaks and local wines but with a
3am wakeup call, we were not able to take in the city's most popular
tourist entertainment, a tango performance.
The next day, our chartered flight rumbled down the runway well
before dawn and four hours later, we found the southern tip of South
America shrouded in clouds. We descended through the soft white
light and emerged to find the snowcapped mountains of the Andes on
the right side of the plane, towering above our heads.
Moments later, we touched down in Ushuaia, Argentina, the
southernmost city in the world. It was cool and gray and drizzling
rain as we boarded buses for a tour of the area.
Ushuaia has a population of 65,000 and is built around a harbor in
the Beagle Channel and ringed by soaring mountains. We and our
fellow passengers enjoyed a Gaucho dance performance and stopped by
the origin (or termination point) of the Pan American Highway, which
runs more than 16,000 miles north to Prudhoe Bay, Alaska.
Ushuaia refers to itself as The End of the World and with its
isolation and 160 days of rain or snow each year, it does feel a bit
like that. But as the jumping-off point for most Antarctic cruises,
it is perhaps more accurate to say that Ushuaia is the end of one
world and the beginning of another.
That evening we sailed for Port Stanley, our only planned port call
outside Antarctica. We spent a day at sea photographing the
albatrosses and petrels following the ship and attending interesting
lectures from the ornithologist, marine biologist and other experts
and specialists onboard.
Shortly before arriving in the Falklands yesterday, the leading edge
of the storm we're now in caught up with us, preventing the ship
from docking in Stanley and making the harbor too rough for tender
operation. We were in sight of the town of Stanley but unable to
reach her, so we spent the day tethered to a tanker, refueling, a
very delicate operation in such high winds.
It was early confirmation of what our expedition leader, Suzana, had
told us, that in this part of the world, we will always have a Plan
A, a Plan A and another Plan A.
Last night, after dinner in the protected waters of the Falkland
Islands, we battened down the hatches (literally) and sailed into
the gathering storm.
Crrrreeeeeeeeeeeeekkk.
ShuuuweeeuuuWEEEE!!!
Whump, whump!
The adventure has begun.
Written by Alan Fox...somewhere in Drake Passage
....................
SECRET SSQQ ANTI-TERRORISM WEAPONS
(Rick Archer's Note: It takes a lot to surprise me these days, but I
admit I was taken aback by a request from the Department of Defense
to put in a bid for weapons systems. I promise you I did not make
this up. In the meantime, if any of you have developed any
anti-terrorism weapons, be sure to let me know and I will put in a
bid.)
-----Original Message-----
From: Department of Defense
Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2009 11:31 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: SSQQ Dance Studio - Department of Defense Business
Listing ID: A2225731371
Complete and update information to list SSQQ Dance Studio as a
supplier available for Department of Defense bid and sales
opportunities in the 2009 Department of Defense Buyers Guide.
The information on your company and products will be accessed by
Department of Defense and military purchasing agents and buying
facilities.
Please complete and submit before 02/06/09 or you will not be
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..........................
FANTASY ISLAND REVISITED
http://ssqq.com/archive/fantasyisland.htm
(Rick Archer's Note: As most of you know, I rarely make any sort of
mistake. So it came as a crushing disappointment to discover I had
made only my second mistake in the past 30 years. I am so
embarrassed! What will this do to the confidence of my Newsletter
readers to know I make mistakes?)
From: blakeSent: Sunday, February 01, 2009 10:29 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Fantasy Island
G'Day Rick, my names Blake and I'm from Australia.
I have been surfing some of your interesting write ups even the
stuff up with the sultans palace. lol.
Anyway I like what you do but I thought I would inform you that some
of your fantasy Island photos are of a place called the Maldives.
They are a bunch of Islands so small they don't appear on the world
map, (guessing invisible from space). They are located below India
and Sri Lanka slightly to the South West.
Many of the hotels and accommodation is built in the water mainly
because there isn't enough room on the island.
Sadly this area of the ocean is also the Tsunami area
My partner and I are travelling there later this year and its not as
expensive as you would have thought, although I haven't any figures
for you we live on a modest budget and find it affordable.
Perhaps it is cheaper in flights due to location of Perth,
Australia? Dunno
The photos you identified as "Tahiti" are exactly the same as the
ones as "The Maldives". I think whoever is sending you these "photo
packages" is mixing them up a bit. Laddahs!
http://ssqq.com/archive/fantasyisland.htm
...........
LAST WEEK'S COMPLAINT OF THE WEEK:
THE DAUGHTER OF DYNAMIC GRAPHICS FOUNDER DEFENDS HER FATHER'S MEMORY
AGAINST RICK ARCHER'S GARBAGE ARTICLE
Rick Archer's Note: Many of you have complimented me over the years
over the unusual artwork displayed on the SSQQ Dance Studio walls.
This artwork was created by an anonymous man who worked for Dynamic
Graphics, a commercial graphic arts service.
I wrote an article about Dynamic Graphics where I detailed three
issues that angered me about their service.
http://www.ssqq.com/stories/advent44.htm
In January 2009, a woman
named Kim Bryan wrote to complain about my article. Among other
things, Ms. Bryan claimed I had been disrespectful to her deceased
father. This was a very odd accusation considering I had never even
heard of the man.
In last week's Newsletter, I listed Ms. Bryan's complaint.
To my surprise, my own daughter Sam read the letters and rushed to
my defense. Sam wrote a very nice letter which I will now share.
From: Samantha
Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2009 11:34 AM
To: kim bryan
Cc: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Emails concerning Dynamic Graphics article on ssqq.com
Miss Bryan:
In one of your previous emails addressed to my father, you asked "Do
you have someone who will be left to appreciate what you have done?"
In response to this question, I would like to inform you that, yes,
there is someone who appreciates what her father has done. For his
entire life my father has worked harder than almost anyone I know. I
have to tell you, I don't exactly appreciate the attacks you've
repeatedly assailed my Dad with.
In no way whatsoever has my father personally attacked your father.
The article he wrote in regards to Dynamic Graphics has to do with
members of the company who made decisions in recent years. As
someone who has spent numerous hours of her childhood loading
pictures from Liquid Library on to her father's computer, and as
someone who served as the hand model when the article in question
was originally written, I have to agree with my Dad that these
pictures have had no use to him. Now, I can understand that there
are other companies in the world who may have use for these
pictures, but my Dad has the right to complain. The article he
wrote, which mainly was about Liquid Library and his frustration
over never discovering the true identity of "Chris," is something he
was completely within his rights to do.
I appreciate the story of your father's battle to attain rights to
his company. For thirty years, my Dad has fought tooth and nail with
several different parties to keep his business going. That business,
may I add, has provided me with opportunities neither of my parents
could ever have dreamed of. I'm sure that you feel similarly about
Dynamic Graphics.
There are a few accounts on the internet about how my father's
business has wronged certain customers or how they didn't receive a
positive experience at the studio. In all the instances where I have
actually taken the time to read these accounts the thought of
belaboring the authors with a personal history of the studio has
never crossed my mind. When it comes to running a business, things
happen that are out of our (as two people who have personal ties to
said businesses) control. I see no reason to personally attack these
people simply because they didn't have a pleasant experience at the
studio, which happens to be the place where I took my first step and
where my parents met. Were it not for the studio, I wouldn't exist.
But I do not fault someone for having a negative experience and
writing about it on the internet. It's their constitutional right to
have the ability to do so.
You stated that if my father had a understanding of the business, he
"would be more appreciative." You stated that he "desecrated [your
father's] life and what he did." You stated that you have "no use"
for my Dad and that your father "created out of nothing you could
not do." If you were actually cognizant of the studio and its
makings, you would know that artwork pulled from Dynamic Graphics'
catalogs adorn the studio's walls. You would know that regardless of
these photographs that my father begrudgingly pays for, he still
purchases Liquid Library for the artwork. You mentioned something
about the "stupid small experience" that my Dad has had with Dynamic
Graphics, the company he has been pumping thousands of dollars into
for decades. I would like to point out the "stupid small experience"
that you have had with my father's own business and my father
personally. My father is a man I respect and a man who has been a
terrific father and has built a business literally from the ground
up.
Quite frankly, you have been rude and you have certainly stepped out
of place. I, for one, will be someone who will appreciate, and does
appreciate, what my father has done. I am sorry that you have taken
offense to his complaint. But he has nothing to apologize for.
Samantha Archer
Daughter of the founder of SSQQ Dance Studio
http://www.ssqq.com/stories/advent44.htm
(Rick Archer's Note: I
am proud to announce that Sam will be a Freshman in college next
year at Loyola New Orleans. At an early age, I noticed Sam's flair
for the dramatic. I encouraged her to pursue her acting ability and
see where it would take her. Sam has had quite a bit of success in
Drama as a result. This spring she will have starring roles in her
school's productions of "Meet Me in St Louis" as well as "The
Importance of Being Ernest".
Sam recently auditioned for the Drama Program at Loyola and received
a remarkable scholarship for her efforts. Although personally I am
very shy, I am very proud that my daughter is completely comfortable
under the bright lights!)
............
THIS WEEK'S COMPLAINT OF THE WEEK: TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY
Rick Archer's Note: I used to have a newsletter section known as
'complaint of the month'. Now that the world has turned dangerously
towards a perpetual bad mood, I have decided to change this category
to "Complaint of the Week".
Last week we had a woman who said I had defamed her father (see
above).
This week I was threatened with even more legal action. It's a
jungle out there, folks.
From: S A
Sent: Wednesday, February 04, 2009 7:23 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Pre-Suit Notice Pursuant to the Texas DTPA
Dear Rick,
I am writing regarding my wife's and my purchase of salsa classes on
February 3, 2009. Confirmation code AUTH/TKT and AUTH/TKT
As stated in our phone conversation yesterday afternoon and evening,
February 3, 2009, I did not know until after making my online
purchase that my wife and I would have to switch partners during
class. We did not know that before purchasing the classes and had we
known we would not have signed up. One of our central goals in
signing up for a dance class was to be able to dance together. While
the information is on the website, it is NOT prominently displayed
nor even easy to find unless you know to look for it. I only noticed
it AFTER we received our confirmation receipt on which this policy
is printed. Receiving this information after the confirmation is
obviously too late to be of use in deciding whether to purchase your
service. While I understand the policy, it is obviously a common
problem for many couples, as evidenced by the complaints displayed
on your website by your customers (which were also not easy to
find). Yet even knowing this, SSQQ has made no effort to clearly
disclose this policy on your website.
Upon discovering this policy, I immediately called the studio and
asked for a refund, but was told that it could not be done over the
phone because it requires the "swiping" of my card (which is
questionable) and that I had to go to SSQQ physically to obtain the
refund. This is an onerous and unnecessary policy; if you accept
money over the internet you should be able to reverse the charges.
Regardless of whether this is a fair business practice, I was
willing to do it to get my $90 refund.
However, on top of the requirement of having to physically go to the
studio to obtain a refund, SSQQ also only provides a one-hour grace
period after classes begin, after which time no refunds are given.
Worried I might not be able to leave work in time to make the
cutoff, I called the studio at approximately 6:56 pm on February 3,
and asked if I could receive a grace period beyond the 1 hour or be
permitted to go to the Studio on February 4. I was flatly, and
rudely, denied that simple courtesy, with your response: "Good
luck!"
It appears that your policy not to provide refunds after the 1st
hour of the class is designed to avoid being asked for refunds after
a certain amount of services have been rendered. While this policy
appears to have a legitimate business purpose under certain
circumstances, it has no application to me or this situation. I
asked for a refund immediately after the purchase was made upon
learning about a very important term in our contract, a term not
clearly displayed before the purchase, and one that had I known
about, I would not have made the purchase in the first place. Even
assuming for argument's sake your policy is fair, the SSQQ
confirmation acknowledges you will make exceptions in advance. You
made no effort to make an exception in this very exceptional case
where I was quick to notice my mistake and request a refund well in
advance.
Put purely and simply, you have accepted my money without providing
any services in return and implementing policies that are onerous,
unconscionable, and deceptive. There is no legitimate business
reason not to return my $90 under these circumstances. This letter
is an attempt to resolve this dispute amicably, and to comply with
the pre-suit notice requirements of the Texas Deceptive Trade
Practices Act. I am still willing to come to your studio to obtain
the $90 refund if you tell me that my effort will be met with
success. This is all that I am asking for at this time. If you
continue to refuse, I will be forced to consider formal legal
proceedings, at which time I will seek the $90, court costs,
attorneys fees, and potentially treble damages under the DTPA.
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2009 11:19 AM
To: SA
Subject: RE: Pre-Suit Notice Pursuant to the Texas DTPA
When we first spoke on Tuesday, Feb 3, you explained to me that you
had registered yourself and your wife for a dance class using online
registration. You then said that after reading the online receipt,
you realized that we insist that students switch partners in group
classes. You then said your wife refused to switch partners.
Therefore you expected a refund.
I then explained the rules for obtaining a refund. I said studio
policy required you to come to the studio during Registration the
day of your first class (or prior to) so we could swipe your credit
card and cancel your transaction. I recall that you were unhappy at
being expected to drive across town to correct your own mistake. You
then proceeded to berate me for five minutes for my failure to
provide an online refund mechanism. You said this was terribly
inconvenient. You made it clear that you were upset that my studio
did not allow you to change your mind using the Internet.
FYI, the studio on-line service was initiated seven years ago as a
convenience to our students. For seven years, this service has
allowed people to simply walk through the doors and begin classes.
It was never intended to be a sophisticated e-tail operation such as
you might find at Amazon.
Furthermore, although you have continuously berated me for my
'failure' to provide a simple way for you to cancel your
registration 'on-line', I do not believe I am obligated to do so.
Now it is true that I personally can choose to invest my own time
and reverse your charges using the Internet. What you and many other
people do not understand is this is not an easy task. There is no
'find' function. I can't simply enter your credit card number and
tell it to search and refund. In order to locate your transaction on
the Internet, I am forced to sift through hundreds of transactions
one by one until I find your particular order. This process is
typically ten to fifteen minutes long.
Personally speaking, I refuse to be obligated to invest my time to
correct YOUR MISTAKE. You signed up for the class. No one made you
do it. If it comes down to you driving fifteen minutes or me sitting
there doing hunt and peck on the Internet for fifteen minutes, why
do you expect me to correct your mistake for you?
Now I agree that at the time of your first phone call, you were
entitled to a Refund. So I carefully explained that we have people
paid to handle your Refund. All you had to do was drive to the
studio that evening, hand them your credit card, and your problem
would be solved. You were unhappy about that option and spent a
great deal of time expressing yourself on that topic. I believe I
listened to you chew me out for seven minutes before you finally
decided to hang up.
Regarding the second phone call that Tuesday, I agree with you that
around 7 pm that evening, the business phone rang at my home. You
probably are unaware of this, but the studio phone hours run from 10
am to 3 pm weekdays. My daughter and I had just sat down to eat
dinner together. Even though this was my day off and even though the
phone was ringing 4 hours after my phone shift ended, I decided to
leave my meal and pick up the business phone. At the time I assumed
it was someone who needed directions to the studio. I was trying to
do someone a good deed. My mistake. As you know, no good deed goes
unpunished.
During our second phone conversation at 7 pm, you asked for an
extension in the time limit necessary to obtain the refund at the
studio because you were stuck at work. You wanted the Registrar to
remain at the studio an extra half hour after the 8 pm deadline. I
explained that was unreasonable. I said you had known the entire day
what the rules were. Take some responsibility. I saw no reason to
call the Registrar at the studio to ask her to remain another 30
minutes plus add additional payroll expenses for your personal
convenience.
You lost your temper and began to berate me again. You complained
about my deceptive advertising, my unfair business practices, and
then you proceeded to say you felt you were justified in coming a
day late to the studio to obtain your refund. I replied, 'Good
luck'. I deeply apologize if that response sounded rude to you.
At that point, you said you were a lawyer and threatened to sue me
in small claims court. My daughter overheard this entire
conversation on speaker phone. Now that I was being faced with court
action, that was the point when I got fed up. I was tired of
listening to you bully me and I wanted to eat my dinner. So I
responded 'be my guest' and I hung up on you.
And now you have written me this threatening email because you think
your status as a lawyer gives you some special privilege to bend the
rules to your own convenience.
I don't want your money. I never did. All I ever really wanted from
you was to for you to stop harassing me for your own mistake, but I
guess I am out of luck on that score.
THE LAST WORD
Just so all of you understand, ninety-eight percent of all SSQQ
policies are directed towards one thing -
minimizing the complaints. I truly enjoy teaching dance classes, for
the most part I enjoy writing newsletters, and I enjoy throwing a
good party once a while.
What I don't enjoy is having people chew me out for their own
problems. No one asked this guy to sign up. So suddenly his wife
doesn't want to switch partners. Is this something I am supposed to
care about? The way I see it, this is none of my business.
But this guy decides to make it my business. First he spends 10
minutes chewing me because my web site is too big, too confusing,
too mediocre and my online system is unfair, deceptive, and out of
date and my policies are unreasonable, not properly advertised, and
discriminatory against a man who simply wants to dance with his own
wife.
Then he calls me up at 7 pm the same night to demand the Registrar
stay 30 minutes late for his own convenience. When I say 'no', I
proceed to get 10 more minutes of the same stuff I listened to that
morning. Plus he threatens a law suit for good measure.
Next I receive the email above. I have the joy of spending 30
minutes writing a reply not to mention the anger I felt at receiving
another threat of a law suit. Here's a guy who is too important to
follow the rules, so he gets his way by using his law degree as
leverage.
Personally, who wants to go to court to fight back? Even if I win,
what do I win? I have wasted an entire day of my life, money
defending myself, plus all the suffering of worrying about the
outcome. That, my friends, is what is known as a 'Phyrric Victory'.
Now what if this guy was forced to pay my lawyer plus pay me for my
time if I won? That would change things a bit, wouldn't it?
I have disliked lawyers in general for a long time. This guy is the
perfect example of the kind of bully our society gives free rein to.
Anyone can sue anyone and make their life miserable (eg, the
Victoria Osteen shakedown and the 67 million dry cleaning lawsuit).
But if there was a realistic penalty for the loser of these kinds of
frivolous lawsuits, I think we would all breathe easier.
...............
AND THAT'S A WRAP FOR FEBRUARY 2009 ISSUE TWO.
THIS ISSUE WAS 31 PAGES LONG. SO MUCH FOR MY VOW OF BREVITY FROM A
COUPLE WEEKS AGO.
TRILLIONS OF ELECTRONS HAVE BEEN DESTROYED IN THE CREATION OF THIS
ISSUE. TOUGH.
THANKS FOR READING!