So Why is This Man Smiling??

Gary Richardson has earned a special honor!!

Gary Richardson had more fun on the Rhapsody 2004 Trip than any person had a right to have. He had a big wide smile all trip long. And you know what, he deserved his smile and soon I am going to tell you why!!

Gary and I have been friends now for seven years. To make a long story short, back in 1997 Gary single-handedly taught me how to use a computer. (Read the story)

Using the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" for comparison, without Gary I wouldn't have this web site, these pictures, these stories, my newsletter, or anything. I would still be using my Light Table to cut and paste Clip Art onto the schedule.

Gary brought me into the 21st Century kicking and screaming, but here I am.  Thank goodness for all of us!

Gary owns his own computer store. He calls it "TFW Computers". He would kill me if I told you what TFW stands. The Floppy Wizard.  Is that corny or what?  Floppy Disks were outmoded years ago, but Gary clung to the name for sentimental reasons. Then some marketing genius said he needed a better name so he came up with "TFW Computers."  Yeah, much snappier!

As you will gather from this story, I enjoy teasing Gary a lot. Don't feel sorry for him - he always gets me back.  I also respect the heck out of his workmanship.  I own 19 computers (you read that right... NINETEEN) that Gary has built for me.  Every one of them still works.  Granted some of the early ones aren't terribly fast, but they still work.

Gary and the Photography Controversy

Gary was at the unwitting center of a Photography controversy upon our return from the cruise. It wasn't his fault; Gary never said a word to me.  I started the argument all by myself because I had a lot of anger on the Photography issue left over from the previous two years. Here is the story:

When Gary and Betty came along on our 2002 Rhapsody Cruise, it gave him the perfect opportunity to pursue his favorite hobby of dancing.  During that trip Gary was a perpetual motion dance machine. Gary loves to dance so much he almost never sits out a song. As a result he has become a real joy for the ladies since he is so much fun to dance with.

After dance, Gary's second favorite hobby is photography. He is very good at it. Gary and I make a great team because he can't write a clever story to save his soul and I can't take a picture to save my soul. I hate taking pictures, but I love to write. When we combine our talents, we are the best teammates since Woodward and Bernstein.

Gary offered to take pictures on our first Rhapsody cruise back in 2002. It seems a lot longer than just two years ago!   He did a marvelous job of taking pictures as a review of that trip will show. (Rhapsody 2002)

Why is This Man Smiling??



Gary's incredibly lovely wife Betty



Gary had women all around him everywhere he went on this time. Here we see the G-Man with Betty, Maureen, and Maureen's sister Linda.



At the My Wedding Reception

Here is an excerpt from something I wrote about Gary on that 2002 trip:

"Gary Richardson was especially wonderful this night. Having volunteered to be the official Cruise Photographer, at dinner time he unselfishly gave of his time to take one shot after another of all the beautiful woman and handsome men dressed for Formal Night.

'Glamour' is a huge missing element from most of our lives. It was fun to work hard to look our best, then have someone with Gary's patience and talent to take our pictures so we could have these memories.

Nor was it just this night that Gary's photographic skill was appreciated. From start to finish, Gary worked overtime to take one picture after another to chronicle our trip. He had so many pictures that at the end he used the resources of his computer store, TFW Computers, to generate a travelogue of our week's adventure on a CD.

He told me he spent 30 hours (yes, 30 HOURS!) putting this CD together, a real labor of love. As a result of his hard work, all we had to do was pop his CD in our computer and watch for 20 minutes as a slide show of 300 different pictures flashed across the screen. Gary did an amazing service for all of us."

I had no idea Gary was going to invest so much time in taking the pictures and putting them into a sophisticated slide show.  Once I saw the finished product, I was stunned at what a professional job he had done.

I assumed practically everyone on the trip would buy a copy of the CD, but I doubt he sold more than 20 copies. Maybe one in four passengers bought one. I think he charged $7 or something like that.

I was furious that his hard work was so ignored. I vowed I would take better care of him on the next trip. It wasn't fair for someone to put in so much time and not be rewarded.

With that thought in mind, during our next trip - Jubilee 2003 - I personally plugged his picture CD to everyone who would listen. This time he charged $10 a copy and sold perhaps 50 copies to a group of 150 people.

Again I was upset that more people weren't buying Gary's picture CD!  I even tried selling copies to my students by personally asking them to buy one.  Most people said "NO".  I still have over 20 copies of that CD sitting in the DJ booth that were never sold.

Once the 2004 Rhapsody Trip came around, I vowed to avoid a repeat of the photography fiascos from the previous two years although I had a keen sense of deja vu.  Seems like I had said the exact same thing to myself a year earlier.  So upon our return from the trip, I sent out this somewhat controversial memo:

"Did you know that I still have 20 copies of Gary's CDs from the 2003 Jubilee Trip sitting in a box at home?  Last year Gary gave me these CDs to sell to trip members, but only a few actually claimed their copies.

We had 144 people aboard last year's trip, but Gary sold only 50 CDs at $10 a pop. He told me he spent 40 hours editing that CD. 40 hours! And that is IN ADDITION to all the time he spent taking the pictures on board the ship. Nor should you forget all of his equipment and expertise he donated to create this CD.

One incident in particular sticks in my mind. One night Gary gave me the CDs to sell at the studio. With the CDs in my hand, I asked 10 different members of the trip if they would like to buy a copy. I sold 4 copies. One woman looked me straight in my eye and said she didn't need one because a friend of hers would make a copy for her. I said nothing in reply, but those words have burned a hole in my soul for an entire year.

Why charge $20 for the CD? On the last night of the trip, I visited the photography section aboard the Rhapsody to buy copies of their group pictures. Each one sold for $20. As I stood in line to pay for the pictures, it occurred to me I had seen members of the trip plunk down their ship card to pay for pictures all week long. The Rhapsody is entitled to a fair return on their work as far as I am concerned, but if you are willing to pay $20 for a single picture on the ship, I feel certain you can afford to pay $20 for 600 pictures to Gary. In case you are even remotely suspicious, every cent goes straight to Gary.

When I mentioned my decision to one of the people from our cruise group, she immediately pointed out that the $20 Rhapsody picture was a hard copy that could be framed and placed on her wall while a CD wouldn't look as good on her wall. Well, Yes, this is true. I suppose a silver CD hanging on your wall at home won't elicit quite the same memories as a picture would. Nor would a computer monitor hanging permanently from the ceiling have the right touch.

On the other hand, did you know that you can take Gary's CD to a Wal-Mart and get a 4 by 6 hard copy made for 25 cents? Or a 5 by 7 copy for $1.50? Or an 8 by 10 for $3? Then you can hand your favorites to friends, put a couple in frames, and even hang a few if the spirit moves you.

Gary's contribution is a gift from his heart. And I know he would probably give it to you for free if you gave him a good reason. But I don't want to put Gary on the spot. I am now acting as his Agent to avoid a repeat of last year's travesty. So don't complain to Gary. This isn't his fault. I hope you understand why I stepped in and decided to do it my way this year.

I think each and every one of you should not only pay the $20 without even batting an eye, you should also thank him from the bottom of your heart for his talent and the sacrifice of his time to provide this service.

That said, I sincerely hope all of you will join Marla and me at the studio on Friday, October 15. It will be great fun, I promise you!  

Sincerely, Rick Archer

I would peg the email results of my letter as 4 to 1 in favor of my decision.  I received 10 comments, 8 pro and 2 against and 110 people said nothing.

The emails in favor said something like these two letters:

Letter One:
Rick, Please mark me down for a resounding "I'll pay the $20!"  Gary was not only taking pictures of everything, he was hilariously funny and entertaining.

I may not be able to make the party next Friday (possible family commitments), but I'll be happy to bring you a $20 anytime for the CD.  I can't wait until next year for another cruise. See you on the dance floor!  Have a wonderful day!

Letter Two:
Hey Mr. & Mrs. Archer, Great idea to have a post cruise party, I'll make something to eat for that night...The CD fee $20.00 is fine with me since I spent $40.00 purchasing 8 rolls of film and $3.00 additional developing fee for putting the pictures on a cd (per roll)I was able to used 6 roll (25 exp.) each, I purchased the group picture $20.00So now I have 151 picture at a value of $120.00

hmmmm...$20 sounds really good to me right now...but, then again I love taking pictures and having those memories for years to come....

However not everyone agreed with my suggestion. There were at least two people who were willing to voice their opinion in writing plus I gather there was at least a little grumbling behind the scenes.

"As a new person to the group, I was more or less going to go with the group. Since you are asking so specifically, here is my opinion.

I strongly disagree with a mandatory after the fact fee. If we were looking for a group photographer, I would have been happy to devote 40 hours and make over $2,000 for it. I think this is a great return. I did not know that Gary was a designated photographer for the group. I saw lots of people taking lots of pictures. However, I never saw Gary anywhere around the various groups and places I was. As far as I am aware, Gary took one picture of me during the trip, at the very end of the trip. I don't even know if that picture came out. Whenever I saw Gary, he was with his little group and taking pictures of them. Just as I saw many others taking pictures of the little groups they were with.

On the ship, I had an opportunity to have professional pictures taken and to purchase them if I liked them. It was my choice to spend the money. I also had the opportunity to purchase a video or cd of the week. Again, it was my choice.

Maureen shared her pictures with us (through you) and we could purchase whichever ones we wanted. I know others who planned on sharing pictures as well.

If we were going to have a designated photographer, it should have been announced as such and charged for ahead of time. I would have made sure that my picture was taken with group members on formal nights and while I was dancing. I think charging a fee up front would have made the pictures uniformed of everyone on the trip and would avoid the upset that a mandatory after the fact fee incurs.

Finally, I agree that there should be no duping of Gary's cd. If you like what is on the cd, you should pay for it.

I had a wonderful trip with lots of great memories. I hope this chapter ends on a happy note as well.

The thing you have to remember is that this is my fight, not Gary's.  I am embarrassed at the way my friend has been treated for the past two years.  It is my job to stand up for Gary.  Has anyone bothered to think what the consequences would be without his help?  If Gary gets fed up and stops making this enormous contribution, a HUGE part of every trip would be lost.

I would still write the stories, but you would not see these pictures. There would not be page after page after page of great pictures to help capture the spirit of each of adventure.

As for the the "Mandatory Fee for the CD", the letter writer was totally off base. There was no mandatory fee.  If you don't want to buy the CD, no one is forcing you to do so. 

Nor was I obligated to throw a Post-Trip Party at my studio, was I??   The whole point of the party was to review the trip through Gary's pictures.  Buying the CD was the simply the price of admission.  And let me add I paid my $20 just like everyone else.

I can tell you the Post-Trip Party was an absolute blast.  We had 40 people there who laughed and laughed till their bellies split open.  The Beatlemania story was a big hit, but when we got to the Hot Tub pictures and the amazing Mr. Handsome with his see-it-to-believe-it pictures, we started to laugh so hard our eyes began to water.  (Don't worry - I will write these stories soon and add the incriminating pictures. Let me add that if it were not for these pictures, you probably wouldn't believe a word I said!!)

On a sadder note, despite my efforts, I doubt Gary sold any more CDs this year than he did last year.  I still find it amazing that the Rhapsody makes thousands of dollars from our group on pictures, but Gary can't sell his personalized CD to even half of our passengers. Why some people will shell out a thousand dollars for a cruise, buy over-priced drinks and over-priced tee-shirts, and then turn around and protest buying Gary's CD is beyond me.

Nevertheless, Gary can at least know that Marla and I are both unbelievably grateful for all his help in making this year's trip easily our most fabulous cruise ever. This quality of the Cruise Recap here on my web site with 8 pages of stories and 7 pages of pictures would not be nearly the same without his marvelous talent and efforts.

Gary is to be applauded by all of our trip members, but especially by me. Thank you, Gary!  I am very grateful for your work!

The Newest Chapter in the Story of Mr. Windjammer

Many of the people on this trip knew that Gary's official SSQQ nickname was "Mr. Windjammer".  In order for you to appreciate the next part of this story, you need to understand how Gary got this name in the first place.

For those who have not been on the Rhapsody, The Windjammer is a stunningly beautiful all-day dining area at the front of the ship. You always have a choice between eating formally in the elegant Dining Room or having the buffet in the Windjammer.  Many of our group save the Dining Room for dinner and eat their daytime meals in the spacious and comfortable Windjammer. It is the perfect Meeting Place to hang with the group.

Here is an excerpt from the story I wrote about the 2002 Rhapsody Cruise:

"I got a good laugh today when Marla and I ran into Gary and Betty Richardson at the Windjammer Café for lunch. I told Betty how in sync we were because it seemed like every time I ate at the Windjammer, by some amazing coincidence she and Gary were also there.

Betty smiled and said it was no coincidence. 

She said Gary stays in the Windjammer four hours a day so he can take pictures and share stories with everyone. In other words, it was practically impossible to miss him.

At first I just thought the guy always got hungry at the same time I did. But once Betty let the cat out of the bag I knew the secret. The man once known as "Mr. Longhorn" was simply holding court.  A new nickname was born. Gary would now be known as "Mr. Windjammer". 

(Side Note:  Considering how much Gary talked all day long, the name fit perfectly!)

The other thing we discovered about Gary on that 2002 trip was just how UN-HIP he was!  Every day Gary would frighten people to death by wearing hideous black socks in the middle of the day.  Just as bad, he wore them with shorts in the nighttime too.

One look at those pale white legs and black socks with shoes that frankly had no business coming on a Caribbean trip and decent people had to avert their eyes.

Poor Gary never understood why people ran from him when he asked them for their picture, but frankly speaking you and I know why. Anyone with any fashion sense at all would be terrified!  I ran too a couple times!  I know what you are thinking, "What a coward!" 

But put yourself in my shoes. What if someone took a picture with you and Gary in it?  What if that picture went on the Internet with you in it next to those socks?  Would you ever get a date again?   Now you understand.

Now I can reveal a story that I have kept suppressed for many years. Betty Richardson, Gary's beautiful and graceful wife, confided in me how painful it was for her to be seen in those pictures as well. As little tears welled up in the sides of her eyes, I sensed an enormous pain behind her confession.

I tried as hard as I could to comfort Betty, but the truth was she was trapped. You see, Betty understood the rules. She had taste and she had style, but after being raised in the "Stand By Your Man" tradition, Betty had no choice but to allow picture after picture to be taken of her standing next to a Fashion Monster.  The embarrassment must have been incredible!!

I asked Betty why she didn't explain the rules to Gary?  She said he was so set in his ways that he was insensitive to the pain of others.  She said he wouldn't listen to her.  Betty decided to accept him the way he was, fashion warts and all.  As I listened to her, I thought Betty was one of the bravest women I ever met!!  Where do you find women like this??

Then Betty batted her big brown eyes and said, "Rick, will you do me a favor?  Maybe he would listen to you. Would you conduct a Fashion Intervention for me?  Would you publish pictures that illustrate the problem?  Please, Rick, do it for Gary.  And do it for me. But don't ever tell him I asked you to do it."

I nodded gravely. I knew publishing those pictures would cause great pain not only to Gary, but to all my loyal readers who would be shocked by what they saw.  Poor Betty.

Metamorphosis!

As we boarded the ship, I reflected back to the Windjammer Experience from our first trip together. Two years had passed since my Rhapsody 2002 Fashion Intervention.  It was touch and go for a long time. Gary was extremely stubborn. He was kind of bitter too. He said he didn't care what people thought.  He said if a person really liked him, they would accept him the way he was. 

However I began to notice a change. It was subtle at first, but I had a hunch about the guy as this trip began.

Not too long after the Intervention, Gary seemed to take an inner voyage, a mystical fashion journey.  He experienced a "taste epiphany". He suddenly realized that no matter how much his wife and his friends loved him, he had to quit being so offensive to his fellow man.

The next thing you know, Gary was a  different man. Gary would never be a Beau Brummel, but at least he finally understood that public decency is a civic responsibility.  Like cutting your grass and painting your house a tasteful color, Gary discovered that he felt better about himself when he dressed properly. Even better, more people wanted to have their picture taken with him!!

A Strange New Development

Something else happened too. Shortly after the Intervention Gary began to pay more attention to his dancing too. I think he went to see "Dirty Dancing" and heard this message loud and clear:

You broke my heart
'Cause I couldn't dance
You didn't even want me around
And now I'm back, to let you know
I can really shake 'em down!!

After the Intervention, Gary began to actually pay attention in dance class. He lost his other nickname "Mr. Footwork" by actually moving his feet. He even developed footwork!  He acquired sexy new moves by watching the Whip studs at Wild West.  Slowly but surely, Gary was starting to look pretty sharp on the dance floor.

And that I when I realized why Gary was smiling -
HE IS HIP, HE IS HOT, HE IS READY TO TROT! 

From Day One I could tell this was not the Gary I once knew. This was the trip where we saw the NEW GARY emerge. Once a Fashion Caterpillar, Gary was now a Sharp-Dressed Butterfly. Not only did he wear white socks and the proper shoes, but he even started wearing Kool Hawaiian Shirts!! 

Gary's shirt in the picture is so gorgeous I have to admit I was envious when I first saw it!  That is a great shirt!  Gary is turning into a hunk right before my eyes!

This was the most startling Metamorphosis I have ever witnessed!  In a flash Gary went from Troglodyte to Swan, from Geek to Sleek!!

As all of you know, I am a fairly modest guy. I almost never take credit for anything, preferring to defer any recognition to the talented people around me. But I have to say this is one accomplishment I intend to take credit for. It was risky and it was painful, but my Fashion Intervention was a huge turning point in Gary's life. I mean, darn it, he's Beautiful compared to where he started from.

Surely there must be a Reality Show I can market this incredible story to, yes?   Or maybe I can write a script for Lifetime Programming for Women.  What a tear jerker - "Fashion Monster Becomes Hunk".  Heck, I am crying as I type!

However, now I have to confess I have a new fear. I may have created a different kind of monster. As the trip continued, I witnessed a startling new development.

It appeared that Gary was becoming irresistible to women. He could always dance, but previously those socks acted like Bug Spray in the Forest to Beautiful Women.  However on this trip women were almost defenseless around Gary. They had no immunity to his immense camera and dance skills 

You don't believe me?   Well, look and decide for yourself.  Gina Lollobridgida is practically smitten in Gary's arms as he wraps his paw around her back.  This is a gorgeous, glamorous woman who knows better, but as she puts her hand against his chest, who can doubt there are passions coursing through her body!

Worst of all, Gary is leering.  He knows he's got it and knows how to use it. You see, Gary was already the master of the second most dangerous tool around women (a camera). But along with his radical fashion shift, he had become such an incredible dancer that he now possessed the single-most lethal lady-killer tool known to man.

Yes, I admit it - I gave him the Gift of Dance.  Gary is a new kind of Monster - a Dance Machine to all the Women.  And without the black socks to keep things fair, the woman had no answer for him.

I mean, it was starting to be embarrassing. I gasped as I witnessed a startling new development on this trip - women began to stalk Gary in desperate hopes that he would dance with them or flatter them by taking their picture!  

Even the Self-Esteem Queen, the highly acclaimed Center of Attention found herself hiding behind bushes in hopes of catching Gary by surprise!  Yes it's true.  Ms. COA had gone CIA!   The Beatlemania had rattled her brain. First John Lennon and now Gary.  Ms. COA was throwing herself at one celebrity after another!  She was so out of control!  Would Gary be gentle and kind to COA like John had been?  Or would he take her picture, dance with her and leave her behind yearning for more?

I found myself deeply worried. Like Dr. Frankenstein, I suffered deep pangs of regret.  What have I done? Have I turned Gary into a Monster of a different feather?  I should have let things alone and never explained the socks thing to him. 

Would Gary let it go to his head?  Would he behave like a former weakling who gets a Black Belt in Karate and turns into a bully?  Would Gary's new-found charisma be too much for his ego to handle?  Would Gary become a lady killer?

This was all my fault. I was convinced that I needed to take Gary aside and give him counsel. I had to warn him that he cannot use his Super Powers to capture the hearts of helpless dancers.  I wondered if Gary would be able to develop the deep moral conviction that prevents him from preying on dance-crazed, hot tub-addled women like Phyllis?  

And seriously, it could be so much worse than I first thought. I cringed when I saw my own wife looking pretty darn helpless in Gary's arms! 

Gee whiz, is no woman safe from this man?  And by the way, I want to know just when did Gary develop those Jack Nicholson eyes!?  This guy is dangerous!

Gary is simply not the guy he used to be.  He knows it, I know it, you know it. The Days of "Mr. Windjammer" are long gone.

Drawing inspiration from Jim Adler, the tough lawyer for tough cases who is famous as "The Texas Hammer", henceforth Gary will be known as "The Texas Jammer". 

In other words, he got the "Wind" knocked out of him.

The time has come.  Gary Be Da Jammer.

"Who's the man who's moving Slick?
A Dance Machine for all the Chicks!
Jammer!
Can you Dig it? 

Who's the Cat who won't cop out,
taking pictures all about?
Jammer

He's a complicated man,
but no one understands him like his woman.
Gary Jammer

Sock it to me, Sock it to me!