START OF THE HEADLINE STORIES SECTION

THE MAY SCHEDULE OF CLASSES
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE MAY 2004 SCHEDULE
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/extra.htm

SATURDAY NIGHT PARTIES IN APRIL/MAY
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/calendar.htm

• BEG C&W: TEXAS TWOSTEP - Melissa
• INT TWOSTEP: CIRCLE TURNS - Linda
• BEG WESTERN WALTZ - Jill
• NEW GHOST TOWN PTNS - Scott Ladell
• BEG WEST COAST SWING - Charlene
• EAZY SLEAZY WHIP - Rick
• DISGUSTING SLEAZY BAR MOVES- Ben (cpls only)

Note: if you know little Whip or West Coast Swing but wish to participate in the party, take Charlene's Beginning West Coast Swing class. If you have had a couple month's of Whip and WCS, take Rick's Eazy Sleazy class. Partners are not required and it isn't too decadent. However Ben Liles Disgusting Sleazy Bar Class is everything it is advertised to be: nasty, down and dirty, prurient, and not for the faint of heart. Bring a partner and NO SWITCHING ALLOWED.


A REVIEW OF THE SLEAZY BAR PARTY (contributed by Marion Sarmiento):

"Get your hips ready to shake for an evening of great fun. Those of you who are new to this event - don't worry, it's actually a lot tamer than you might have been led to believe (how really wild is the wild, wild, West after all?), although we get occasional characters that are very interesting to watch! What's more is you'll probably get to see dancers you don't usually see.

To new Whippers who have never been to this event, crash courses in country western and whip/ west coast swing precede the party, starting at 7 pm. I've found these to be a lot of fun, and they really set the mood. The teachers are great. You might want to check the SSQQ website for details about who's teaching what. The party itself starts at around 9:15 pm. Look forward to seein' y'all there!"


TALES OF THE SLEAZY BAR PARTY!!

Have you ever heard the story about the origin of the Sleazy Bar Whip Party? You would be fascinated to discover in the second year of our party we were nearly busted by the Bellaire Police who entered the building under the impression gunshots had been fired at our party.

Suddenly they thought they had stumbled on the biggest Biker Gang in Bellaire history. One policeman even had his hand on his holster as he grimly surveyed the scene. Do you think I am kidding? I am not kidding. It is a bizarre and very interesting true story!!

Read the History of the SSQQ Sleazy Bar Whip Party.
http://ssqq.com/information/whpsleaz.htm


WHAT IS WHIP? WHERE DID IT COME FROM? IS IT AS DIRTY AS THEY SAY IT IS? WHAT'S THE STORY?

The Texas Whip is a sexy Swing partner dance that originated right here in the Lone Star State.

Also known as Push in the Dallas area, the Whip is quite similar to the national dance known as the West Coast Swing. This is no surprise since in a way the Whip and the West Coast Swing are long-lost brothers. They were both born in California during World War II, but were separated at birth. Texas GIs returning after the war brought the dance they learned out in California along with them.

The Whip was spawned in the dives, bars, honky-tonks, and western joints that surrounded the Texas oil fields and refineries back in the late 40's and early 50's. Back in those days you had dark, smoky lounges with plenty of cheap beer and a rough crowd looking to let off steam after a hard day's work. The jukebox played a steady stream of Texas Blues. You had horny men and rough women partner dancing to a raw, angry sound pounding out rhythms best described as Stripper music. Things got smoky.

Legend has it the Whip started as a "pickup" dance that fit the suggestive "get down & dirty" lyrics like tight pants clinging to a well-curved woman. The man would lean against the bar drinking a beer or smoking a cigarette with one hand while a woman would grab his other hand for balance. Inspired by the music, she would start to roll her hips, then glide forward and back to the beat. As she strutted her stuff, the man would act cool and pretend to ignore the performance, but no doubt the corner of his eye tracked her movements like a hawk measuring its prey!

Nowadays mostly nice girls and respectable men dance the Whip. The SSQQ Sleazy Bar Whip is an annual event that pays homage to those nasty bars of yesteryear.

If you are curious to learn more about the Whip, you can read the "History of Whip" on the SSQQ web site.
http://ssqq.com/information/whiphist.htm

Monday, April 19, 2004 4:19 PM

"Rick, you've obviously already received your two cent's worth on this, but let me add this in passing: I've only been cruising twice, but I would never want to go on a Carnival cruise again either!!
Bill Holden"

(Note: Bill first went on last summer's SSQQ Carnival Jubilee cruise and then again on last February's SSQQ Royal Caribbean Rhapsody Mardi Gras cruise. He and I are in complete agreement about Carnival.)
So in retrospect, why on earth did I schedule the Celebration trip in the first place?
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

I made the mistake for 144 reasons!  144 is number of people we took on last summer's trip aboard Carnival's Jubilee. None of us liked the Jubilee at all. What a piece of junk. Here is an excerpt from my write-up of last year's Summer Cruise:

"In my opinion, the Carnival Jubilee lost in almost every category when compared to the ship we sailed on in 2002, Royal Caribbean's Rhapsody. That doesn't mean our trip was a failure. Actually in many ways, it was the finest trip we have ever had. Our group had such powerful positive energy that we often created our own fun.

However as for the ship itself, the Jubilee should be sent straight to the bottom of the ocean as quickly as possible. Maybe they should send the Celebration with it."
http://ssqq.com/information/jubilee2003storyoftrip.htm

We really did have a great trip last year in spite of the Jubilee. I assumed people would remember the good times and forget about the bad. And although the Celebration was the sister ship to the Jubilee, surely the Celebration couldn't be as bad as the Jubilee…

On Thursday, April 14, I decided to write something nice about the Celebration to promote our July 4th trip. Although the Jubilee and the Celebration are identical, I had heard the Celebration had been refurbished. So I went to the Internet for corroboration. What I found blew my mind - there was one review after another that blasted the Celebration out of the water!!

I knew I didn't care for Carnival very much, but I had no idea how widespread the animosity was throughout Texas. Tales of Carnival's pathetic Galveston ships and poor business practices were splattered on one web site after another. Instead of finding good news to pass on, I realized in poker terms it was time to fold 'em. What was the point of pushing an inferior product when the Rhapsody was available to all of us? So I swallowed my pride and pulled the plug on the trip.

Case Closed.

THE ANNUAL SSQQ CRUISE RESCHEDULED ON THE RHAPSODY
SEPTEMBER 26TH - OCTOBER 3RD

I predict we will have the greatest dance cruise in SSQQ history aboard the Rhapsody in late September. The prices are the lowest of the year and I bet the Rhapsody will let our group use the beautiful "Shall We Dance Lounge" with its great circular dance floor to our heart's content.

We will show off our dancing to the Big Band music of the Captain's Reception and again at the Crown and Anchor Party. Come on board and help us put on a terrific dance show for the crew and all the passengers!

We have already recruited half the passengers from the canceled trip to participate in the September trip. And there is room for plenty of others.

We need a $250 deposit by May 16th to hold a spot. This money is completely refundable up to the date of final payment on July 18th.

If you are interested in the trip, you should read more about it on the SSQQ Web Site.
http://ssqq.com/information/rhapsody2004promo.htm

You can also call Marla Gorzynski at 713 862 4428 or email her at marla@ssqq.com
 

SSQQ Stabbed in the Back by Roadrunner

In the past two months SSQQ has been badly hurt by some questionable business tactics implemented by Time Warner Cable's Roadrunner Broadband Internet Cable service.

As you know, once a month we send out an email notice to over 6,000 current and former students using our Roadrunner connection. Not only does this memo remind current students about upcoming classes, it also keeps our name in the minds of former students. Many of our past students may not be currently interested in lessons, but they often know someone who might be interested. This simple reminder creates many of our referrals. Over the years, the SSQQ Newsletter has been an invaluable tool for promoting our business.

I write the SSQQ Newsletter myself. Sometimes the Newsletter is so comprehensive its length is the equivalent of a 60-page book. After I publish this lengthy document on the ssqq website, I then send out the monthly email reminder complete with links by using software on my computer.

For the past four years I have used Time Warner's Roadrunner Cable service to send these notices. I have two accounts with Roadrunner - one here at my house and one at the studio. The combined bill is over $200 a month. When you throw in my bill for Time Warner's Cable TV, I pay well over $300 to this corporation.

Roadrunner is a good product. It is fast and reliable. I have been satisfied with the service to date. Furthermore I have previously recommended Roadrunner many times to people uncertain whether to go with cable, DSL, or phone modems.

Unfortunately my high regard for Roadrunner declined precipitously in the past week. Recently I discovered Roadrunner was directly responsible for causing my business several thousand dollars in damage.

Yes, several thousands of dollars is correct. Enrollments have dropped sharply in the past two months compared to the same time last year. The coincidence between Roadrunner's slick trick and the drop-off in SSQQ business seems suspiciously linked. Here is the story.

In late February 2004 I had absolute fits trying to send out the March monthly email notice. The program must have stopped sending emails on 20 different occasions. Furthermore many of the emails were bouncing back to me as "failed sends" in record numbers. I was completely unable to even send the final 600 emails at all. The program locked up and would not longer function. I could not imagine what had caused so many problems.

I immediately left on the Mardi Gras cruise so I was unable to tackle the problem immediately. When I got back I purchased some new bulk email software that my friend Gary Richardson had located on the Internet. David Schroeder, the man who designed the ssqq web site, was kind enough to install it for me. I hoped the new program would solve our problems, but had a nagging feeling that it was really something else. Unfortunately I was right.

The first time I sent out the April Newsletter on April 6th, the new bulk email program seemed to work. Slowly but surely I watched the computer "blink" one at a time as it sent out another email. When I got home from dance classes that night, I noticed the program said it was 67% done after about 5 hours of work. Satisfied with the steady progress, I went to bed. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning to discover a message that the emails had failed completely.

Not one email had been sent even though it looked like the program had been working.

Sick to my stomach, I had no clue what had gone wrong. I talked to my computer experts for a couple days, and then tried to send it again. By this time, classes had started for the month and the delay was costing us badly. The second send brought more bad news: This time 1,990 emails were sent and 4,400 had failed.

Susan Schroeder was the person who came up with the first clue. Curious about a bizarre virus warning message that directed her to the Roadrunner web site, she poked around and discovered the following message buried somewhere deep within the Roadrunner policy section.

"Road Runner and your cable company are dedicated to an ongoing effort to protect you, our Road Runner customers and the Road Runner network from spam, e-mail viruses, and other unwanted e-mails. We would like to make you aware of a few changes that we are implementing regarding the amount of outgoing e-mail that you will be able to send per day from the Road Runner outbound e-mail servers. This limit will have no affect on web access or on the ability to download and read e-mail. This change is being made as an effort to reduce spam, increase the safety of the network, and better serve you.

Currently, a Road Runner subscriber can send e-mail to 1,000 recipients per day per IP on the outbound e-mail servers. Unfortunately, spammers who take advantage of virus-infected customers for the purposes of sending spam can abuse this generous email recipient setting. Typically, infected customers are unaware that their computer is being used to send spam. Once a user had reached the limit, their e-mail will be refused by the e-mail servers for the next 24 hours. While these limit changes should help control spam, they will not impact most subscribers as the average subscriber sends e-mail to approximately 50 recipients per day."

Well, there it was. Roadrunner had decided to limit its customers to 1,000 emails a day.

Had Roadrunner bothered to inform its customers? No.

Or at least they never told me or anyone else I knew.

Would a simple message have helped? In my case, it would have helped a lot. Two consecutive ssqq mail outs were a complete waste due to Roadrunner's secret decision.

It took me several days to calm down. Once I got over my anger and my depression, I decided to call Roadrunner to discuss solutions. On Wednesday, April 14, I was told there was a new service known as "Vanity" which would allow me to send out as many emails as I wanted for a mere ten dollars more per month. Since the new policy was costing me thousands of dollars, I was ready to throw in the towel and say "uncle". Sign me up.

After I subscribed, almost immediately I realized what a mess I had gotten myself into. After a Roadrunner tech man walked me through the steps, I slowly began to realize I now had two different companies attempting to use my "@ssqq.com" domain name. Sure enough, none of my new Roadrunner email addresses worked on my email program. Error messages screamed at me because it is impossible to have the same domain name in two different places. That is like having two identical street addresses in the same city.

I know enough about the Internet to know you must have a distinct address. Only one company can service a "Domain". What Roadrunner was basically doing was attempting to force me to move my email service from my current company - Crystal Tech in Phoenix, Arizona - over to them. Crystal Tech had done a good job. I certainly wasn't going to support a company like Time Warner that in essence had crippled me and now was forcing me to give them more money and more control over my business.

I am sure the Sopranos would have approved. I began to feel like I was being extorted.

I canceled my "Vanity" account. 'Good riddance', I thought to myself. Now I tried to use my Crystal Tech account to send out my emails. Nothing doing. The email program rejected all of my settings. I felt cursed. Nothing I tried using Crystal Tech worked. Back to Roadrunner.

Now I tried another technique reminiscent of the Chinese water torture were they drive you crazy one drip at a time - I sent out a bulletin 1,000 emails at a time.

I had developed another headache - the July 4th SSQQ Cruise was simply dead in the water due to a strong Carnival backlash here amongst the studio insiders. On Friday, April 16, I decided to cancel the SSQQ July 4th Cruise aboard Carnival.

At the same time I rescheduled the trip to a September sailing aboard Royal Caribbean.
http://ssqq.com/information/rhapsody2004promo.htm

This was a message I had to get out immediately since decisions about the old and new cruise needed to handled on the spot.

So I cut my 6,500-name email list into 7 parts. I mailed out my first Thousand on Friday morning using a Roadrunner email account. The first thousand went without a hitch.

Just to see whether Roadrunner was bluffing or not, I sent out another Thousand. This time only 350 messages got through. 650 were rejected.

On Saturday morning, I sent out the third Thousand from my house. This time they all went through.

Then I drove over to Gary Richardson's TFW Computer store. Gary let me send out my fourth block of 1,000 using his Roadrunner account.

As I sat at Gary's store for two hours while the emails went out, I had time to think. It was then that I realized I had TWO Roadrunner accounts - one at home and one at the studio. I called a Roadrunner tech guy who confirmed I could send a thousand from work and a thousand from home each day using the same email account. Gee, thanks, Roadrunner!!

However since I had no intention of going to the studio on my off-day Saturday, I waited till Sunday to send the fifth Thousand from home and the sixth Thousand from work.

Susan Schroeder was nice enough to use her Roadrunner account to send out the seventh block of emails on Monday while I Re-sent the Second block that had only had 350 successful sends.

Are you starting to understand that this was an enormous headache for me? These were not the hated Spam emails we have grown to hate appearing in the In-Box a hundred times a day. This was a legitimate business application using Roadrunner's service that I paid $200 a month for.

Roadrunner had not only caused me a severe disruption by limiting my service, they made no attempt to warn me in advance or send me Error Messages to explain why my email program was no longer working. If it hadn't been for Susan's curiosity, I would probably still be in the dark and screaming my head off!

As if I didn't scream my head off a lot anyway…

I felt like a little guy on a little boat in a big angry ocean during a storm. Gigantic Roadrunner reduced my service and did not even bother to inform me. And when I complained, they said 'tough'. Take it or leave it. Sort of the way a bully talks. On Monday, April 19th I decided to call my other email company again. This time the tech guy at Crystal Tech was able to catch an error that a dozen other people including me had missed. He discovered a very minute setting in my email program that would make it work. Thank goodness. Finally there was a light at the end of the tunnel…maybe. What kind of recourse do I have against Roadrunner? Probably none. I have a history of losing my battles with Time Warner. One year ago I built a new bedroom to my house using an adjoining lot purchased ten years earlier. As a result, my house now resembled a giant "L". Since I watch a lot of cable TV, I asked Time Warner to extend a cable to stretch my current service to include the new bedroom.  This didn't seem like too big of a chore. All I had to do was pay for it, right??

When their serviceman came out, he noticed I lived on a corner. Rather than use the current telephone pole to extend my service, he said it would be a lot easier to string a new cable from a telephone pole on the other street that was much closer than to use the original pole. Sure, I said, go for it.

To my surprise the next month I got not one, but two bills from Time Warner for my cable TV service. It turned out they billed by the pole! Two poles, two services.

They asked if I had two water bills. Yes, I did, one for each street. They asked if I had two light bills. Yes, I did, one for each street. Well, there you have it, two telephone poles, two cable services. But I pointed out that just because I had two electric bills and two water bills didn't mean I was using more water or energy!! I complained that I could only watch ONE TV AT A TIME!!

Furthermore it had not been my idea to make things easier for the serviceman to string my cable to a second pole. It was his suggestion in the first place! No one told me that I would now be paying two bills a month.

I have complained about the double billing every two months for the past year. Recently I pointed out I have now paid an extra $1,000 for the unnecessary second service. They said if I wished to cancel one or both of my services I could. That was the best they could do. Take it or leave it.

Thanks, Time Warner.

Thanks, Roadrunner.

In a moment of monumental irony, today as I wrote this article I received a Newsletter from Roadrunner! What a coincidence. Titled "April Trracks Online", it took me a while to figure out the double 'R' in Trracks stood for Roadrunner. How clever.

Complete with over 1,500 words of happy talk about the Beep Beep Joys of Roadrunner, not once did they mention the new Thousand limit. They got the Hype, but they don't have the Heart.

Of course you have to wonder if they sent out their Newsletter 1,000 at time…

It's too bad actually. I like my high quality Time Warner Cable TV service. And I like my high-speed Roadrunner Internet service. But I sure don't enjoy how they push me around while taking my 300 bucks!

Perhaps a satellite Dish could replace Time Warner's cable. And DSL would probably do just as well as Roadrunner. Maybe that's the American Way - cut off your nose to spite your face to teach the giant bully a lesson! What a joke. You know and I know Time Warner would not even blink if I canceled my service.

I guess the lesson here is don't ever let a company become a monopoly because the incentive to do good service goes right out the window.

It must be fun to hold all the cards.

Fortunately I do have one good alternative. Please check out the return address on your next SSQQ Email Newsletter. It will say "ssqqnewsletter @ ssqq.com "

This means I will be routing the newsletter through Crystal Tech where I can send all 6,500 in the same day. Thank goodness.

Crystal Tech is an excellent organization for web hosting and email. http://www.crystaltech.com
Their technical support is incredibly superior. I highly recommend them.

This month there will be no fancy May newsletter on the SSQQ web site. The two weeks I have spent trying to dig out the hole caused by Roadrunner's secret little sucker punch was just too much to overcome.

Hopefully if the notice you are reading goes through, I can turn my attention to writing a superior June Newsletter!

 

EDITOR'S NOTE:  The first attempt using Crystal Tech in an attempt to bypass Roadrunner was not terribly successful. As you can see, less than 40% of the emails reached their target audience. Guess it's back to the drawing board. Rick Archer Thursday, April 22nd.

MG ANSEMAN SURVIVES A SERIOUS MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT

SHARON CRAWFORD WORKS HER WESTERN WALTZ MAGIC AGAIN!!

BALLROOM DANCER EXCHANGE STUDENT FROM GERMANY SEEKS HOME IN HOUSTON FOR ONE YEAR

To read his letter requesting to be an exchange student, click here:
http://cci-exchange.com/aypdatabase/BioDearFamilyLetter.asp?ps=9fq1cz

BLACKMAIL, PASSION, AND VANITY: THE STORY OF THE 2004 SSQQ MARDI GRAS TRIP!
http://ssqq.com/information/mardigras2004home.htm

AN EMERGENCY WARNING - TOM EASLEY WILL BE JOINING US ON THE SSQQ FOURTH OF JULY CRUISE.
DO NOT COME ON BOARD WITHOUT YOUR SUNGLASSES NEAR YOU AT ALL TIMES!!

The Story of the Infamous Tom Easley Look A Like Night:  http://ssqq.com/information/advent11.htm
 

This is an emergency warning. Tom Easley and his family are coming on the SSQQ Summer Cruise this year. Do not fear his family - they are wonderful, normal and in fact should be largely credited with holding Tom in check these past 18 years. It is only Tom Easley that you have to fear. Like the Hulk, I fear his inner demon may be poised to return at any time. It has been too long since… well, read on. Tom Easley is one of my best friends, a fact that I am somewhat embarrassed to admit. Back in the mid 1980s along with his usual partner in crime Mike Fagan, Tom Easley was the source of a great deal of pain and embarrassment for their SSQQ friends. You will soon discover that at one time there was no more hideously dressed human being on the planet than Tom Easley. Do you know how you automatically shield your eyes from the glare of the Sun? For an entire year the clothes Tom wore hurt eyeballs across Houston in much the same way. In 1986, Tom Easley caused beautiful women throughout Houston to shield their eyes from the pain. Now that I think of it, I recall most men recoiling in terror at his ugliness as well. So did small children, dogs, cats, and hamsters. Medusa, Cyclops or the Gorgon Monster could not have been any scarier than Tom Easley.

Mike Fagan and Tom Easley.  They were so ugly they had to wear sun glasses just to be in the same picture together!!

Nor could the Phantom of the Opera or the Elephant Man have walked into a restaurant and drawn more gasps of fear than Tom did on a regular basis. The usual words to describe Tom's clothing varied between "grotesque, bizarre, shocking, blinding, ghastly, gruesome, and monstrous". Speaking of Monstrous, it was a well-known fact that Godzilla could dress better than Tom.

Furthermore Zombies from the "Night of the Living Dead" could not have frightened gentle, civilized people any more than Tom's garish outfits. You don't believe me, do you? Once you read the story of Tom Easley, there won't be one shred of doubt in your mind that at a difficult point in his life, Tom's hideous clothing wreaked havoc throughout the city.

Today Tom masquerades on a daily basis as a respectable bastion of decency. But I think it is just a disguise. I know Tom's earlier reputation all too well and think it is all an act. Just one little setback and the Real Tom could reemerge at any time.

Although today Tom dresses very nicely and has started to look almost handsome at times, I also know that he has never apologized for what he once did to us. And therein lies the rub - Since Tom still doesn't understand what he did was wrong and has never sought help, the potential exists that just one serious psychic jolt could bring the Monster in Tom back to life.

The reason I feel compelled to bring this story to your attention is that Tom Easley is coming with us on the 2004 SSQQ Summer Cruise. I bring you this message as a public service. Since Tom has a known past as a threat to public standards of fashion decency, it is only fair to warn all of our fellow passengers that they are at serious risk of eye pain and embarrassment. Now at least all of you will know how serious the threat is and be prepared to can make your own choices.

Furthermore - this hurts me to confess - Tom once had me under his influence. Yes, at one point in my life, Tom's fashion deviancy rubbed off on me and like an idiot, I appeared in public looking just as awful as he did. Now lately I have felt stirrings of another fashion eruption stirring not only in Tom's mind, but my own inner psyche as well. Like any volcano about to explode, there are seismic warnings that would be foolish to ignore. In other words, if he goes, I go.

And yes, in conversations with Tom plus in my own nightmares, I have felt warnings that at some point on the upcoming cruise trip there will be a night where all hell breaks loose. That Caribbean Black Magic could be more than we could take. We could break loose this summer and resurrect our mutual madness.

Yes, it is true, on this summer's cruise there is the terrible potential for "The Return of the Infamous Tom Easley Look a Like Night", a night more frightening than all the SSQQ Halloween Parties in history all lumped together. This could be the night when Terror is only the Beginning.

You must read this story for your own safety. Otherwise I cannot be held responsible if you walk straight into a ghastly Fourth of July Apparel Peril. Remember, I am serious. Do not neglect this warning!

http://ssqq.com/information/advent11.htm

THE SSQQ MOVIE REVIEW:
DIRTY DANCING 'HAVANA NIGHTS'
WRITTEN BY SAMANTHA ARCHER

SSQQ STAFF UPDATES FOR MARCH/APRIL 2004

THE QUICK STOP HAS ARRIVED!   BEWARE THE DANGER OF THE DAVID...