June 2004
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The SSQQ June 2004 Newsletter
Written and edited monthly by Rick Archer

HEADLINES

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ONE JUNE DANCE CLASSES BEGIN ON MEMORIAL DAY MONDAY, MAY 31ST. 
TWO UPCOMING DANCE PARTIES INCLUDING "MY CALIENTE" ON SATURDAY, JUNE 12TH
AND THE WONDERFUL SOCK HOP SWING PARTY ON SATURDAY, JUNE 26TH.
THREE THE SSQQ SEPTEMBER DANCE CRUISE ABOARD THE RHAPSODY IS EXPLODING!! THE PRICES HAVE JUST JUMPED,
BUT YOU CAN STILL REGISTER TODAY AT THE ORIGINAL RATES TO AVOID A PRICE INCREASE!
FOUR IMPORTANT CHANGES IN SSQQ PRACTICE NIGHT STARTING IN JUNE.
FIVE MG ANSEMAN IS WELL ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY!
SIX BLACKMAIL, PASSION AND VANITY: THE STORY OF THE 2004 SSQQ MARDI GRAS TRIP!
SEVEN SSQQ STAFF UPDATES FOR MAY/JUNE 2004
EIGHT WOMAN READY TO QUIT HER JOB AND MOVE FROM KENTUCKY JUST TO BE AT SSQQ.
NINE FORMER INSTRUCTOR WIL COULBOURN IS A NEW DAD!
TEN SSQQ TO SEE BELLAIRE'S FIRST-EVER SKY BRIDGE BUILT.
ELEVEN JACK BENARD REVISITED
TWELVE
THIRTEEN  
FOURTEEN  
FIFTEEN  
       

REGULAR FEATURES

COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH: DOES SSQQ HAVE THE RIGHT TO INSIST A MALE STUDENT SHOULD
DANCE WITH A MALE INSTRUCTOR? THIS MONTH WE REVISIT THIS DIFFICULT ISSUE.
BEST NEW JOKES OF MONTH BEST NEW JOKES OF THE MONTH: 5 NEW JOKES THIS MONTH!! -
Contributed by Chris Holmes, Leroy Ginzel, Judy Walsh, and Pat Roberts.
SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE ONE COUPLE GOT MARRIED AND ANOTHER COUPLE FROM THE 2002 SSQQ CRUISE GOT ENGAGED
AND A THIRD COUPLE GOT ENGAGED BUT WON'T TELL US ANYTHING!!
ssqq employee of month SUSAN SCHROEDER
ssqq logic club WHO WERE THE WINNERS OF THE APRIL PUZZLE? ONLY 3 PEOPLE TIED FOR FIRST PLACE!!
NEW logic puzzle tHE NEW SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE: MARA RIVAS RECREATES "FRIENDS" AND RISKS HER REPUTATION!
joke picture of the month TWO NEW PICTURES, ONE FUNNY, ONE IRONIC
WORST NEW PUN OF MONTH TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME!  Contributed by Judy Walsh
VOCABULARY WORD  SUPERNUMERARY Contributed by Ann Faget
VENUS AND MARS Two Observations this month, one from Tom Huddleston and one from Donna Ruth.  Both are very similar.
CLEAN SIDE JOKES FEATURING  "Why Engineers Don't Need to Make as Much Money as Lawyers"  BY JILL BANTA
BLUE SIDE JOKES FEATURING  "The FEMALE GORILLA"  BY SSQQ INSTRUCTOR JILL BANTA
       

SPECIAL FEATURES

  FEATURE ONE   STORY IN THE NEWS: CHUCK YEAGER FIGHTS OFF HIS CHILDREN
  FEATURE TWO   STORY IN THE NEWS: DEAD MEN SOMETIMES DO TELL TALES
  FEATURE THREE   STORY IN THE NEWS: EVER HEAR OF THE DARWIN AWARDS??
  FEATURE FOUR   STORY IN THE NEWS: DUMB JOCKS
  FEATURE FIVE    
  FEATURE SIX    
       
 
 

START OF THE HEADLINE STORIES SECTION

 

STORY ONE

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 

 

THE JUNE SCHEDULE OF CLASSES
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE JUNE 2004 SCHEDULE
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/extra.htm

 
 
THE JUNE SCHEDULE OF SSQQ DANCE CLASSES - CLASSES START MEMORIAL DAY MONDAY!!
The June Dance Semester begins the week of Monday, May 31st

Don't forget you are perfectly welcome to start classes in the Second Week of the May Dance Semester. By the way, please note that Sunday classes in June (and July too) come at the END of the SSQQ Dance Week.

WEIRD START DATE: Normally we would start classes on Sunday, May 30th, but since this is Memorial Day Sunday, we decided to push the start date till a week later. We run into the same problem in July: Sunday is July 4th, so we start Sundays a week late in July as well. Things return to normal in August.


HERE ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE JUNE 2004 SCHEDULE
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/extra.htm

Maureen Brunetti's SWING CHARLESTON II returns in June. This high-energy course has always been a huge favorite at SSQQ. Taught Sundays at 4:30 pm, Swing Charleston patterns are flashy, eye-catching patterns that are fun to learn and awesome to see!! Level I was very popular in May. Fortunately you are welcome to take Level II without having taken Level I since the patterns are completely different in the two sections.

Judy Archer will teach BEGINNING LATIN HUSTLE on Sunday evenings. The Hustle is very similar to both East and West Coast Swing. The music and timing are similar to West Coast Swing while the footwork and patterns are similar to East Coast Swing. This course will be taught swiftly since we assume you have had Intermediate Swing/Jitterbug at SSQQ. This pre-requisite saves a lot of time and allows the class to move at a much faster clip!!

The SSQQ Ballroom Program on Monday has 3 great courses this month.

We have our first ADVANCED TANGO class in a year. Rick Archer taught the first two levels of Tango to sixteen brave and dedicated students, but reached his Peter Principle level of incompetence towards the very end. Now finally someone who knows what they doing takes over!! On Mondays in June Judy Archer will teach as many intricate and tough patterns as the students can handle!! This course will not roll around again tomorrow, so definitely strike while the anvil is HOT!

Speaking of "HOT", next comes SOME LIKE IT HOT on Mondays with Charlene Tees. This excellent Intro to Latin Dancing class covers four different Latin dances such as Cha Cha, Mambo, Samba, and Rumba.

Rounding out the Monday list is a studio favorite: DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT. Taught by Rick Archer, this class covers 3 famous Ballroom dances that share almost identical footwork - Foxtrot, Waltz, and Rumba. Once you master the subtle differences in the styling & timing, you will be learning 3 dances at once!! Learn to dance to Sinatra Foxtrots ("The Way You Look Tonight"), smooth Jazz Rumba music (Diana Krall's "The Look of Love"), and beautiful Irish Waltzes ("Greensleeves")! Side Note: For all you people planning on dancing with us on the SSQQ September Dance Cruise, this is the perfect class to take to prepare for the Ballroom Dancing that occurs every night of the trip!!

ADVANCED WESTERN WALTZ appears on Wednesdays with Sharon Crawford and John Jones. The Intermediate level was so successful it filled Room 1 with 100 people. Since crowding is a problem, we will likely have to set a space limit for the class, so register swiftly.

BEGINNING NIGHT CLUB returns for the first time in 5 months on Fridays with Anita. Every C&W album has 2 or 3 romantic slow songs. Night Club is a dance that fits these ballads perfectly. The reaction here at SSQQ has been very favorable to this sophisticated dance. We will dedicate Room 6 exclusively to Night Club music for you to practice after class!

Rick Archer teaches MARTIAN WHIP on Thursdays. Houston City WCS champion Bryan Spivey and his partner Lisa Palmer teach the Friday night sequel known as the MARTIAN XTRA class. There is no overlap between the two nights which means you pay one price and get the second class for free.

Unfortunately there are huge problems with the SSQQ Martian Whip class. The big complaint about this unique program is the incredible amount of material covered. "I can barely keep up with it all!!" Ah gee, now isn't that too bad? Wah Wah. Hint: Try staying afterwards for Practice Night. Furthermore our Friday Whip/WCS practice night was so big last week that Gary D'Antoni almost talked me into taking down the extra wall in Room 4. It was THAT crowded. And Michael Friedberg almost talked me into stealing Room 1 back from the Salsa people on Thursdays. It was THAT crowded. And one night there were 5 more men than women!! Imagine an advanced Whip class with more men than women. That has to be a first. Problems Headaches Misery. It's a wonder that they all survived in May.

SSQQ is introducing a new Saturday dance program known as SENORS AND SENORITAS. It will be held from 1:30 to 3:30 pm. Taught by Milt Oglesby and Susan Arevalo, this unique class is reserved strictly for dance students over 50. It features all kinds of dancing and has a built-in Practice Night at the end of each class. The four weeks of classes will cover Beginning Swing Dancing, Ballroom Dancing, Latin Dancing and Western Dancing. We will switch partners constantly. (Please note if the boy-girl ratio is out of kilter, we may ask a couple of ladies who are pretty good dancers to volunteer to "lead" rather than follow in order to balance the class.) For more information, visit http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/senors.htm
.
 
     
  STORY TWO RETURN TO HEADLINES  
 

SATURDAY NIGHT PARTIES IN MAY/JUNE
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/calendar.htm

 
JUKEBOX SATURDAY NIGHT
Saturday, May 22, 9:15 - Midnight $7
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party10.htm

CRASH COURSES 7-9 PM

BEG C&W : TEXAS TWOSTEP - Loni
DIRTY DANCING (Cpls Only) - Bryan
BEG WESTERN CHA CHA - Jill
BEG WESTERN WALTZ - Karen
WESTERN LINE DANCE - Mae
LINDA'S FAV DEATH VALLEY PTNS - Linda

Music: There are certain things that people like to complain about: Taxes, Government, Politicians, and (you guessed it) DJs!!

The truth is people love to complain about the music anytime they go dancing. Wrong song, wrong beat, too old, too fast, too slow, not enough this, too much that… you know… you've been there yourself.

JUKEBOX SATURDAY NIGHT is the party where the dancers make the requests. You pick the music!!

The idea behind the party is for our guests to pick the music. No requests, no music. The DJ is like a Genie; he is simply there to serve you! This party has been very popular for the past two years. Everyone is positive they could pick better music than the DJ. Well, here's your chance to prove it!
 

DANCE PARTIES IN JUNE


MUY CALIENTE SALSA PARTY
Saturday, June 12th, 9:15 - Midnight, $7 pm
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party11.htm

Room 1 for this party is devoted strictly to Salsa Dancing. Room 4 will feature Tango and requests. Room 6 will have Swing Dancing.

CRASH COURSES AT MUY CALIENTE FROM 7-9 PM:

SALSA DIPS AND LUNGES II - Steve and Danielle
BACHATA - Linda
BEG SALSA MERENGUE - Jim
LATIN CHA CHA - Jill
JUDY'S FAV ADV SALSA PTNS - Judy
LATIN HUSTLE - The Infamous Disco Partner Dance - Kerry


THE FABULOUS SSQQ SOCK HOP SWING DANCE!
Saturday, June 26th, 9:15 - 1 am, Cover Charge $10.
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party12.htm

CRASH COURSES AT THE SOCK HOP FROM 7-9 PM:

BEGINNING SWING - Linda
DIFFICULT SWING ACROBATICS - Paul (Couples Only)
BEG WEST COAST SWING - Bethany
SHAGGIE JITTERBUG - Rachel
SOCK HOP PARTY LINE DANCES - Rick
BRYAN'S SLEAZY BAR WHIP PTNS - Bryan Spivey

If you have never taken Rick's Sock Hop Line Dance class before, this is your chance to learn 9 classic "Blast from the Past" Line Dances including the Stroll, Hully-Gully, Cold Sweat, Hand Jive, Harlem Shuffle, See You in September Cha Cha, Twisting the Night Away, Land of 1000 Dances, and best of all the legendary Grapevine Dance. A big part of the Sock Hop is getting a crowd of 75 people out on the floor to perform these line dances during the evening.

PS- For more fun, wear a 50s/60s outfit to the Line Dance Crash Course with an eye towards staying for the annual SSQQ Sock Hop afterwards!

Room 1 for this party is reserved for Swing and Jitterbug Dancing plus all the crazy 50s Line Dances we perform at this party. Room 4 is reserved Whip/WCS dancing to the great Whip music of the 60s and 70s.

 
STORY THREE

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

UPDATES ON THE SSQQ SEPTEMBER RHAPSODY
DANCE CRUISE 
-  63 AND COUNTING!!

http://ssqq.com/information/rhapsody2004promo.htm

Marla Gorzynski

marla@ssqq.com
713 862 4428

 
SSQQ has scheduled a 7-day Cruise aboard Royal Caribbean's floating palace known as the "Rhapsody" at the end of September. The dates for the sailing are Sunday, September 26, thru Sunday, October 3.

As of Wednesday, May 19th, the price for this trip has just risen. Inside Cabins have gone up $20 per person and Balconies have gone up $50. The SSQQ Price is currently less expensive, but only until Friday evening, May 21st!!

If you sign up today, you are guaranteed the original price. After that the price will start to fluctuate every week. You can assume realistically it is more likely to rise than fall.

The irony of this situation is that just one single month ago I had egg all over my face because our Summer July 4th Cruise aboard Carnival's Celebration was dying in the water. There was no buzz and no wind in our sails. One person after another said, "If you had scheduled the trip aboard the Rhapsody, I would love to have gone!!"

Amazingly, I decided to Listen to people. Imagine that. I even decided to Give In and cancel the Carnival trip. Imagine that. And I decided to Give people what they were asking for and jump ship over to the Rhapsody. Imagine that.

And guess what? Everyone who encouraged me to switch ships stepped up to the plate and signed on. In one single month we had 63 people sign up for the September Trip!! Isn't it amazing what happens in business when you actually give customers what they ask for?

And talk about BUZZ!! The noise about this new trip is practically deafening. All those thuds you hear are from the Fence Straddlers falling on the ground in their haste to join the stampede!!

What a difference a month makes. And there is still time to join us.

First of all, let's review why this trip will be great:

1. The SSQQ Welcome Back Cocktail Party on Day 1.
2. The SSQQ "Dancing at Sea" workshop on Day 2 as we prepare for the evening's Big Band Dance.
3. The Captain's Reception Big Band Swing Dance on Day 2's Formal Night.
4. Key West on Day 3. Let's hit an infamous bar and take a walk on the wild side!
5. Dance Workshops on Day 4 in the beautiful "Shall We Dance" Lounge. Tango anyone?
6. Day 5 in the beautiful and bizarre Cayman Islands where everyone is richer than you are.
7. Day 6 Snorkeling and Beach Volleyball at Cozumel's gorgeous Chankanaab Beach.
8. SSQQ "Dancing at Sea" workshop on Day 7. Time for more Salsa Rueda? Or maybe something else as the group decides.
9. Evening Shows and Group Dancing afterwards each night.
10. The Wicked Ever-present Danger of SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance.

I predict we will have the greatest dance cruise in SSQQ history aboard the Rhapsody in late September. The prices are the lowest of the year and I bet the Rhapsody will let our group use the beautiful "Shall We Dance Lounge" with its great circular dance floor to our heart's content. And you are bound to discover where the slogan "Slow Dance and Romance" comes from.

Speaking of Romance, you guys had better wake up and join this trip. There are many gorgeous, beautiful women signed up on this trip who promise to make any man happy if he will just dance with them and have some fun. Women go nuts when waves and ocean breeze get mixed with Waltz - a very dangerous combination that the fair sex has no defense against. The women are rendered practically helpless to any man who can dance… But you have to be on board to get your reward… Sign up Swiftly or you'll be sorry.

We will show off our dancing to the Big Band music of the Captain's Reception and again at the Crown and Anchor Party. Come on board and help us put on a terrific dance show for the crew and all the passengers!

Here's the deal: We are currently out of Inside Cabins except for a couple openings for people who still haven't gotten a roommate yet. The ship is selling out fast. There are only limited numbers of the least expensive cabins left although there is plenty of space left in Oceanview or on some of the higher level inside cabins.

It appears this trip will be a sellout. This means there is a good chance the prices will increase as the trip gets nearer and demand remains strong (which is likely).

Because the Royal Caribbean people are playing a mild game of hardball, we can only guarantee the current prices through Friday, May 21. After that Marla tells me we will still be able to book people but the price may increase. SIGN UP TODAY.

If you change your mind you have until July 18th to back out, but a $250 deposit TODAY guarantees you a spot whether you have a roommate or not (we will find you a roommate).

We need a $250 deposit by May 21st to hold a spot. This money is completely refundable up to the date of final payment on July 18th.

If you are interested in the trip, you should read more about it on the SSQQ Web Site.
http://ssqq.com/information/rhapsody2004promo.htm

You can also call Marla Gorzynski at 713 862 4428 or email her at marla@ssqq.com

(Editor's Note: By the way, I recently received the following note from one of last years cruisers that I thought I should share with you.

Dear Rick, I just ran across my diary from last year's cruise and wanted to let you know how I personally saved your life and that of everyone from SSQQ a year ago. You don't have to thank me though. Some deeds are their own reward. Love, Sandy.

MY DIARY.

MONDAY:
What a wonderful cruise this is going to be! I felt singularly honored this evening. The Captain asked me to dine at his table.

TUESDAY:
I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.

WEDNESDAY:
The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.

THURSDAY:
Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!

FRIDAY:
This afternoon I saved 1600 lives --- twice)
 

STORY FOUR

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

IMPORTANT CHANGES IN SSQQ PRACTICE NIGHT STARTING IN JUNE.

 
 


1) PRICE OF ADMISSIONS DROPS.

The price of admission will drop from $3 to $2 Sunday thru Thursday for people taking classes THAT NIGHT. The price of admission will remain $3 on Friday for people taking classes THAT NIGHT.

However once the Hall Monitor moves to her station in Room 6, the price will jump one dollar to $3 Sunday through Thursday and will rise to $5 on Friday.

The Discount is a reward for taking class that night. This $2 price is a special feature exclusively for people who showed up for classes that night and does not include students enrolled in classes on another night or not enrolled at all.

Example 1: You are signed up for Beginning Salsa. You are signed up for Beginning Salsa on Tuesday. To get some extra practice you also show up for Salsa Class on Thursday. Afterwards you decide to stay for Practice that same night. Charge is $2.

Example 2: You are signed up for Beginning Salsa on Thursday, but work late. You show up for Practice Night on your way home at 9:10 pm before the Hall Monitor moves to Room 6. The charge will be $2.

Example 3: You are signed up for Beginning Salsa on Thursday, but work late. You show up for Practice Night on your way home at 9:30 pm. The charge will be $3.

Example 4: You miss class but show up for Friday Night Practice Night at 9:15 while the Hall Monitor is still collecting the money in Room 1. Charge: $3. More power to you for showing up early.

Example 5: You show up for Friday Practice Night at 9:30 and the Hall Monitor is sitting in Room 6 to greet you. The charge is $5.

In other words, to avoid the higher charge, you get a reward if you come to class or come early.


2) PRE-CLASS PRACTICE NIGHT.

A major change is the creation of a new "Pre-Class Practice Night" each evening 30 minutes before classes start. This will include 4 pm on Saturday and Sunday. We will put dance music on in Room 1 and Room 6 plus turn the TV on in Room 2. (Rooms 3, 4, and 5 will still be reserved for private lessons.)

There will be no charge for this half-hour of dancing. However it will only be open for people w a registration slip for a class that evening - assume the Hall Monitor will be there to check your receipt.

If this program shows promise, we will take it from there.

 
 

STORY FIVE

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

MG ANSEMAN IS DOING MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU.

 
On Friday night, March 19, SSQQ Instructor MG Anseman suffered a serious motorcycle accident near Gonzalez, Louisiana (just south of Baton Rouge). MG had just finished visiting his ailing mother in the hospital for what seemed likely the last time. (As he feared, MG's mother passed away just two weeks later.)

MG was heading back to New Orleans to spend the evening with his son when suddenly his bike hit a rock. The motorcycle fish-tailed out of control making huge S-swerves. After a frightening 150-foot career towards disaster, the bike finished its uncontrollable skid by flying right over the edge of an 8-foot ditch on the side of the road. Helpless to control the bike's path, MG was thrown clear of the bike and landed left shoulder first on a gravel surface, smashing the left side of his face and neck as well. Suffice it say, MG was badly hurt.

(read the original story at http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/news2004april.htm )

Thank goodness as we head towards the end of May, MG is doing much better. In a phone conversation with him on Tuesday, May 18, I learned that he is moving around just fine. He is able to go into work every day for an hour or two.

The good new is that the numbness in his hand and arm has disappeared. The bad news is that he got hit with a lot of brand new pain when the numbness went away, but he is handling the pain with frequent visits to an acupuncturist.

Another problem is that MG can't sleep for long periods, but he is coping with this by listening to Jack Benard's Sleep Tapes. (Don't we miss Jack!! But that's another story.)


I might add he has lost a lot of weight! MG says he is down to 200 lbs, the lightest he has been in ages. I was planning to kick his butt just for the fun of it, but then I remembered he should be back on his feet by July and changed my mind.

MG hopes to begin teaching again in July, but warns that August might be more realistic. He misses the studio a lot and is going nuts not being able to dance. By the way, MG hopes to drop by the studio sometime Thursday evening, May 20th. In case you are out and about, drop by the studio on Thursday and see if you can catch him!!

And thank goodness he survived!! Now we can tease him about not wearing that helmet!!

One more thing: Don't forget, MG says please NO FLOWERS! He fears flowers worse than Superman fears Kryptonite. So I strongly URGE all of you NOT to bring any flowers on Thursday!! Remember: Don't bring any flowers, got that? Repeat: Don't bring any flowers whatever you do!!
 
 

STORY SIX 

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

BLACKMAIL, PASSION, AND VANITY: THE STORY OF THE 2004 SSQQ MARDI GRAS TRIP!

 
 
This past February saw 39 Brave SSQQ Cruisers dare to walk down the wicked streets of Mardi Gras straight into the center of New Orleans, the infamous City of Sin!

Huge crowds, amazing Parades, pulsating Bands, Bead Tosses, Drinking to Excess, as well as an unimaginable supply of nayked brests awaited us. Yes, all the terrible things they say about Mardi Gras turned out to be true. Even worse, we had a lot of fun! Yes, the decadence of Mardi Gras rubbed off on us and we thoroughly enjoyed being corrupted.

We were even stupid enough to take pictures of our follies and chronicle our adventures as well. Our reputations will be ruined forever.

Along the way you will read about why our ship was forced to dock 100 miles from Mardi Gras, how an obstinate SSQQ woman ignored my pathetic blackmail threat (and paid for it by having the entire sordid story printed), how we were surrounded at all times by nayked and painted brests everywhere the eye see (with pictures to prove that the men did everything possible to make sure no nayked brest got ignored!), how a beautiful woman from our fell deeply in love with a major celebrity on board, and how a handsome dashing member of our group had way too much fun… and paid for it with a vicious attack on his ego!

These stories of the trip, amazing pictures, and much more await you!
http://ssqq.com/information/mardigras2004home.htm
 
 
 

STORY SEVEN

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

SSQQ STAFF UPDATES FOR MAY/JUNE 2004

 

Recently we have had all sorts of problems with health on the SSQQ Staff.

For starters we have the accident poster boy, MG Anseman. He is bouncing back.

Next we have the two dancing divas, Rachel Seff Koenig and Anita Williams, both sidelined with matching knee injuries. Both wonderful ladies are now back in action and making me miserable again with their smart mouths.

Martin Anderson has returned from having surgery. We are so grateful for his swift recovery!

End of an era: Judy Archer and Martin Anderson have handed off their beloved Salsa Dips and Lunges class to two new Salseros known as Steve and Danielle (who will make their debut at the Muy Caliente Salsa Party in June). Martin's surgery meant he wouldn't be able to teach this class for a while and Judy figured it was time to hand over the reins to the younger generation. I don't know what took her so long. I handed off Acrobatics long ago. Ah, the joys of aging.

We have added Milt Oglesby and Susan Arevalo to our Staff as the Senor and Senoritas instructors. Milt's story should be an inspiration to all dancers. Milt has long been known for his ability to dance without moving his feet. And now he is an instructor. Who would ever have thought the person least likely to succeed in his first dance class would get this far? Let that be a lesson to all of you: Bribery and the willingness to work for mediocre pay will overcome dancing ability and charm every time.

Special congratulations are in order for Bryan Spivey who has just graduated from college!! Mind you, it took him seven years, but none of us have the guts to ask why it took him so long. I assume he was simply stringing out his athletic eligibility as long as he could for all the free meals. All my teasing aside, nice work, Bryan! I forget, what do you give new college graduates as a reward? Is this the one where you spank them? Or is this the one where you hand them some money for nothing? Do you buy them some Waterford crystal? Or do you hand them some M&Ms and give them a big pat on the back? Or do you dump a lot of work on them so the joys of early retirement seem ever nearer? Let me know what the correct response is!!
 
 

STORY EIGHT

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

WOMAN READY TO QUIT HER JOB AND MOVE FROM KENTUCKY JUST TO BE AT SSQQ.

 
 


-----Original Message-----
From: Sally Richardson
Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2004 12:29 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: moving to Houston from Kentucky and finding a dance studio

Dear Mr. Archer:

I am thinking about moving to Houston and I have picked your studio to be my new dance home. I recently finished my first dance lessons at a studio in Lexington, KY. I fell in love with dancing and have a great passion for it. As you know, passion drives perfection. I would like to one day teach. Will you please guide me and let me know what I have to do to become proficient. I am willing to work hard. I am willing to rearrange my life to be able to do this. I am even willing to quit my job and get another one in order to dance. Please advise.

Thank you,
Sally Richardson


My Response:

"You are passionate about dancing, yes, Sally? Why don't we correspond a little before you go quitting anything and we can take it from there.

Rick Archer"

(Editor's Note: Remember the Beatles went to India to find their Maharishi? SSQQ is now a likely site for pilgrimages. We are so honored!)

 

STORY NINE

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 

A NEW BABY IN THE HOUSE!!

 
 


-----Original Message-----
From: Wil Coulbourn [mailto:wcoulbourn@mpv.com]
Sent: Wednesday, March 24, 2004 11:38 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject:New Baby in the house!

"So, if any of ya'll were wondering why I haven't been answering email recently ;)
Our daughter arrived to join our little family last week. Jade Kaitlyn Coulbourn was born at 11:39 am on St. Patrick's Day (March 17th, 2004). She weighed in at 6 lbs 2 oz and 18 ¾ inches long. Mom, baby girl and big brother are all doing wonderfully. Although my son Devyn is still adjusting to having some attention paid to this little squirmy thing! And he seems a bit put out that we won't let him play much with the new "toy."
For those of you interested, we have a few pics up on the website. Got to http://www.kiwiland.org and click on the "Picture Gallery" link on the left side.
Later!
Wil"

(Editors Note: Wil Coulbourn aka Kiwi, was a long time Western teacher on Fridays who resigned not to long ago to start family. Looks like he is doing pretty well on that project!! Congratulations! In the meantime, his successor and former assistant Leo Skiba is doing well on Fridays in Wil's former spot.)

 
 

STORY TEN

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

BELLAIRE'S FIRST-EVER SKYBRIDGE

 
 
For the past two years, I have watched with some concern as important real estate changes have taken place around the Bissonnet shopping center SSQQ calls its home.

Last year I noticed when the tenants in the quiet building next to Charlies BBQ were told to vacate the premises. After they left, that building was expensively remodeled and is now home to "First Street Surgical Center". You cannot have missed the iron gates and gorgeous landscaping that now adorn its premises. So clearly this building went upscale!

A big SSQQ story from a year ago was the illegal towing of SSQQ cars from the abandoned Door Warehouse building at the edge of the SSQQ parking lot. After the Door Warehouse went bankrupt, the space was up for rent, but instead was purchased by the same people who also own the First Street Surgical Center. The good news is the towing threat seems to have disappeared. There are no threatening signs on that building anymore and no incidents in over a year.

Two months ago I was informed by my landlord that he had decided to sell the 4803 Bissonnet to Dr. Varon, who just happens to be the owner of the First Street Surgical Center and the Door Warehouse building. For anyone who has ever played Monopoly, Dr. Varon appears to have accomplished a Monopoly of his own on the First Street/Bissonnet corner.
 
Now comes further news that the Bellaire City Council has approved plans for First Street Surgical Center to put up a Sky Bridge that will connect the Surgical Center to the Door Warehouse building. In other words, you will still be able to use that little secret passage street that runs between the Surgical Center and Door Warehouse, but there will be a sky bridge above your head.

The new owners of my building have not met with me yet so I am uncertain as to the long-range plans. The rumor is they intend to not disturb the leases of anyone in the 4800 Bissonnet Shopping Center.

It has been suggested the reason they bid so aggressively on this property was to acquire rights to the parking lot which would in turn support their investment in the Door Warehouse building.
   
This all remains to be seen. Another rumor is the addition of a second story to the Door Warehouse building to meet the Sky Bridge as well as added parking under and around the Door Warehouse building.

Further rumors have extensive new landscaping being added to our shopping center by our obviously well-heeled new landlords. That would be nice.

Now if they could just fit some of the potholes in our parking lot… but let's give them time to ease in to the difficult task of managing three extensive properties all at once.

I will keep you posted of new developments. In the meantime, here is a story that I have reprinted from Kathleen Ballanfant's excellent local newspaper, "Village and Southwest News":

CITY COUNCIL APPROVES BELLAIRE'S FIRST SKYBRIDGE
By Michelle Leigh Smith
Reprinted From The Village and Southwest News

Bellaire will soon have its first skybridge, requested by the First Street Surgical Center. Council voted unanimously to approve the request after reconsideration of a previous direction given to the Planning and Zoning Commission to determine whether the concept of sky bridges should be allowed in the City of Bellaire.

Mayor Pro Tem Phil Nauert proposed an amendment directing City staff to grant the permits for the skybridge since there was no existing rules on the books about skybridges and secondly, to direct P&Z to look into drafting skybridge guidelines.

"I could not support this amendment," said Pat McLaughlan. "I see the City of Bellaire would be receiving no consideration for the abandonment of street right of way.

Siegel explained that the amendment was not to abandon the ROW. The ROW stays in our possession. I understood I may be a little slow, but I'm having a real problem understanding what it is these people want. The first few pages of the brochure are concentrated on the Skybridge. They show extensive landscaping with palms and fountains. It sounds like if they are doing this extensive landscaping over the entire parking lot that they have an interest in the entire center where Radio Shack is located. I think we need to deal with it in an integrated manner. Cindy interjected, "Can I try to explain. The issue is about the Skybridge. They have bought this whole area, including the center. They bought the Door Warehouse, they are putting $8.5 million in. The center will be upgraded and they will add a new professional building where the Door Warehouse is."

Council voted Nauert had a point of order. "Public discussion is closed. I don't think it's in our purview to tell them what to do with the center. What an egregious extension of our effort beyond what is legally allowed us. It is an opportunity only for us to make a mistake. I would like us to continue only with discussion of the matter at hand."
Davison said, "I think the one element that we're missing is fact that we didn't do our housekeeping. I agree that in the absence of an ordinance we should grant this."

Jeffrey asked if the city would be giving up any utilities underneath the property.

"I think the way it is looks good," Jeffrey said. "I think it will add tremendous value to our City."
Nauert's amendment passed 6 to 1, with McLaughlan dissenting.

The ordinance then passed unanimously.

TO BE CONTINUED IN OUR NEXT EPISODE OF 'AS THE STUDIO TURNS'

 
 

STORY ELEVEN

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 
 

JACK BENARD REVISITED

 
 
I wrote a story about the departure of much-loved Whip instructor Jack Benard two months ago. I had a dozen people write back to thank me for the story.  Thank you for the nice words.  Jack was a magician who was a born teacher.  I moved this story to a permanent place on the ssqq web site.  Anyone who missed the story is welcome to read it here:
http://ssqq.com/information/advent39.htm
 
STORY TWELVE RETURN TO HEADLINES
   

 
  STORY THIRTEEN RETURN TO HEADLINES  
     
 
 
 
  STORY FOURTEEN RETURN TO HEADLINES  
     
 
 
 
  STORY FIFTEEN RETURN TO HEADLINES  
     
 
 
 

NO STANDING IN LINE – SIGN UP ON-LINE (SSQQ ONLINE REGISTRATION)
https://www153.ssldomain.com/ssqq/register/

 

START OF THE REGULAR FEATURES SECTION

  COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES  
 

COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH:   DOES SSQQ HAVE THE RIGHT TO INSIST A MALE STUDENT
MUST DANCE WITH A MALE INSTRUCTOR?

 
 
My In-Box has remained empty of complaints for about three months. I can't remember the last time this happened. So I will simply revisit an issue I brought up two months ago. First read the incidents, then read what some of our Newsletter Readers decided to say about them.

INCIDENT ONE: CRUISE WOMAN PLAYS FAVORITES WITH OTHER DANCERS

On the Mardi Gras cruise trip, I taught a Beginners Cha Cha workshop aboard the ship. The class was free; anyone could join. We even had a woman from Los Angeles show up who had met our group in the infamous Hot Tub.

At the start we had 20 people including 9 men and 11 women. I asked one of my advanced woman dancers if she would mind dancing Lead, a term that more or less means dancing the boy's part. Although I hadn't asked her in advance, the lady was nice enough to agree to dance lead as she had on our previous cruise as well. Her sacrifice balanced the class perfectly.

As most of you know, in our classes we rotate partners frequently. This time however someone threw a monkey wrench into my plans. After the second or third rotation, the Lead lady offered to dance with another woman member of our group. The woman flatly refused to dance. Instead the woman sat down in a chair and watched instead, leaving the Lead Lady standing there wondering what to do. I watched the entire scene in quiet fury.

It has been my experience over the years that women do not mind dancing with other women. This took me by complete surprise and the "Lead Lady" as well. Flustered by the rejection, now the lady who had once been willing to dance lead didn't want to "Lead" any more. Instead she switched back to being a girl. After a putdown like that, I didn't blame her a bit.

Immediately two other ladies showed up. Their arrival coupled with the original Lead Lady's defection back to the Girl's Team meant the Lead-Follow ratio was way out of unbalance. I knew this was going to happen - this was the reason I had asked the advanced lady dancer to dance Lead in the first place. But Miss Rejection's move effectively ruined those plans.

Miss Rejection had another surprise for me. Whenever we rotated again, if the man was a good dancer, Miss R would pop up out of her seat to dance with him. But if the next guy wasn't a good dancer, she developed the unusual habit of sitting back down only to jump back up again if she considered the next man worthy of being allowed to dance with her.

As you can imagine, I didn't like this stunt one bit. Did I say anything? No. I had never encountered such a high level of rudeness before. Since she was part of the group, I didn't see the point of calling her down. The main reason I said nothing is that it is impossible to discuss an issue this sensitive on the spot. How am I going to take her into a corner and talk about this without the other students watching?

Don't forget, if I single her out on the spot or toss her out of the class, the rest of the trip will be effectively ruined for her. Furthermore, it interrupts the class. What are they supposed to do during our conversation? We only had the room for a limited time so I decided to press on.

My question is: What should I have done? What would you have done? What would Miss Manners do? Does Miss R have the right to participate in the class? Or should I have asked her to leave? Or asked her to stay in her seat if she wasn't going to rotate like everyone else?

I would like to know what to do the next time something like this happens. Therefore I am soliciting advice.

I will print all comments anonymously in the next newsletter or list your name if you ask me to.


INCIDENT TWO: A MALE STUDENT REFUSES TO DANCE WITH RICK IN CLASS.

Is there a Twilight Zone? After the Cha Cha incident, an eerily similar situation presented itself to me just three weeks later.

In the first two weeks of my Beginning Western Swing class, there had been more women than men. My two excellent lady assistants, Mona and Kerry, had danced the Lead part to balance out the class. However in the third week there was a surprising surplus of men.

Even with Mona and Kerry dancing as women again, there were still four more men than women. I explained to the entire class that I had decided since we were so out of balance for a while I would dance the "Follow Part". Addressing the group, I said this might make some of the men uncomfortable, but that I would appreciate their cooperation since I felt I could improve their leads this way.

The fourth man that rotated to me suddenly stepped back and decided not to dance with me. At first I was ready to look the other way, but then I changed my mind. I realized that although none of the other men had seemed particularly happy to dance with me, at least they had cooperated.

Over the years I have discovered that every time I make an exception, it comes back to bite me. I firmly believed that if each man in the room saw me allow one guy to brush me off, then some of the others would soon follow.

This same man had once done the exact same thing to me in the exact same class! The first time this happened a year earlier I told him the next time he came around I expected him to dance with me. He left the room before rotating to me again.

In other words, he respected me enough to repeat my class, but he didn't respect me enough to dance with me.

So I said, "Please either dance with me or leave." Without a word, he left.

I did not like this incident one bit when it happened and I still don't like it. I did not enjoy confronting the gentleman nor did I enjoy making him feel uncomfortable by insisting he dance with me. Again, the problem was that I wasn't in a position to bargain or reach a compromise while I am teaching a class. Any conversation not only disrupts my class, but also serves to call unwanted attention to the student.

I have to consider the entire group. The men have paid me to teach them how to dance. I think I have the right to dance with them whenever the situation calls for it.

Unfortunately I am not convinced I did the right thing. I think what I should do in the future is play the "Alamo Game", i.e. draw a line in sand ahead of time. First I will announce I am dancing as a "Follow" and explain it is strictly professional. Then before I dance with any man (or ask any woman to dance with a woman), I will ask if this causes a problem for anyone and say if they are unwilling to rotate they are welcome to sit down ahead of time and watch for the remainder of class.

Again, I would like to know what other people think. As before, I will print any comments anonymously or list your name if you specify you wish me to.

Rick Archer

HERE ARE THE RESPONSES TO MY QUESTION:

"I don't think there is any way to force adults to dance with same-sex partners. What I would suggest is, at the break, you politely ask them to dance with same-sex partners. But if they don't want to, don't force the issue; just ignore them. Maybe switch more often so everyone has more chances to dance with opposite-sex partners.

I always enjoyed taking classes with you because of your enthusiasm. Even though you had taught each class hundreds of times, you made it fresh for new students. Not all teachers have that ability."


"My principle is basically always the same..."the customer is always right". There are exceptions, of course, but in management it must be the first rule we follow.

I think the man (or ladies) position should be honored. Just let the rotation continue to the next person. In time, the person will get more comfortable with the idea if not in that class, then maybe the next class. It does take getting used to for a lot of men, I am sure.

I think it should be introduced only in the more advanced classes where there has been, at least, the idea of rotating accepted. My guess is that after the individual sees his peers willing to dance with the same sex, he (she) will finally "get over it" and accept the arms of the same sex. Peer pressure alone will accomplish it. A friendly grin from the "instructor" as he comes around and maybe a simple question such as "not ready yet?" is probably all that is necessary. Eventually, the student will say okay...and all will be happy."

"Concerning your question(s) about dance partners in the classes. I have to confess that as much as I like to think of myself as broad minded, I would be very uncomfortable dancing with a male partner. I might do it just not to cause a fuss, but I'm not promising. As it happens, the class Sharon and I are taking now, "Three Left Feet" had three extra men in it the 1st week (the first time this has happed in all the classes we've taken). We men did what the ladies often have to do, we air danced sometimes. I don't like it much (especially since I brought a girl with me), but it seems like the best alternative. If my choice is to air dance or dance with a male partner, I'll air dance. You can shake your head, wag your finger at me, call me a Neanderthal, but that's the way I feel.

Moving on to the woman in your class who would only dance with 'certain' of the men. I think you needed to call her on it. As far as the other students watching, do you really think they didn't notice and weren't aware of the situation? I'm sure the men who were snubbed noticed. If the rule is you HAVE to switch partners, then I think that means you don't get to pick and choose who you dance with. I think the choice you should have given her was to dance with all the men, or not dance with any - air dance alone , or leave. (This is a totally different situation than a lady wanting to avoid a man being rude or grabby or obnoxious).

Well, you asked, so there's my two cents."


"Gee Whiz Rick. I'm an ex-Marine, a motorcycle rider (Southern Cruisers club), I have a tattoo on my shoulder of a bulldog with the word "Devildog" beneath it, and you want me to declare that I would be O.K. dancing with a man?

O.K.

Within the very narrow parameters you describe below (and once every 15 rotations) I could probably do it. Picture phones off, no cameras, no recording devices. That's my best offer."


(Editors Note: I still remain at a loss what the best approach is. When I have more time, maybe I will figure it out. As it is, I currently avoid dancing with men whenever possible and no one seems to complain about that at all. As a result, my ability to teach leads - something I am very good at - has been crippled.)
 
  JOKES RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES  
 

BEST NEW JOKES OF THE MONTH

 
 

Over the years, we have been sent countless numbers of jokes by our Newsletter Readers.  We have kept what we thought were the best.  At this point we have now have a Hall of Fame collection of over 600 jokes.  Many of them are real gems. We rotate these jokes on a monthly basis so over the year you get to read them all.

In addition to our "Classics", we also get many new jokes each month sent in by our students.  This section contains our favorites.  At the end of each year we add these jokes to the "Immortal Collection".

By the way, getting a joke selected isn't very easy since we have been collecting jokes for so long. It's tough to find a new one.  So if you send in a great joke and nothing ever happens, trust us - it is already on the Web Site.  If you don't believe us, email and ask about your joke!!  I am serious. I will show you where the joke is.

We greatly appreciate any jokes you would like to submit. Send them to Rick Archer at dance@ssqq.com

 

The Lion Tamer - Chris Holmes

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.

One is a good-looking older man in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it.

This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful nayked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, licks and kisses her privates for several minutes and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the older man and asks, "Can you top that?"

The older man replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."


The Catholic Horses - Pat Roberts

Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.

Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.

Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won!

Bubba was elated!

As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.

Bubba bet every cent and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded.
He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."


An Update on the Cinderella Story - Leroy Ginzel

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob sitting on her lap for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension". Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, "Oh, thank you, Fairy Godmother".

The fairy godmother replied, "It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had." At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage turned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life!"

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Bob stared back with an odd frown on his face. Cinderella felt a mysterious wave of passion begin to overtake her, easily the most powerful surge since the early days of courtship with her Prince.

But Bobcat was more handsome, more powerful, and certainly more affectionate than Prince had ever been. "My goodness," she thought, "imagine being overcome with desire for my cat!!"

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. A shiver ran down her body. She didn't think she could hold out long.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered, "Don't you wish you didn't have me Neutered??"


The Three Tests - Judy Walsh

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay ten dollars and, if you pass three tests, you get all the money." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up.

"What are the three tests?"

"Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules."

So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do. First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila... the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon, all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then.... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"


The Blonde Sells Her Car - Judy Walsh

A blonde was having a lot of trouble selling her old car because it had 250,000 miles on it. One day she told her problem to a brunette coworker at the salon. The brunette told her, "There's a possibility that I can make the car easier to sell but it's not legal."

"I don't care," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car!"

"Okay, then," said the brunette, "here's the address of my friend who owns a car repair shop in Boulder City. Tell him I sent you and he'll turn the odometer back on your car to 50,000 miles. That'll make it easier to sell it."

The following weekend the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

A week or so later the brunette remembered to ask the blonde if she'd sold the car.
"No," the blonde replied, "why should I? Ever since he fixed it, it's only got 50,000 miles on it!"
 
  SSQQ EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

SUSAN SCHROEDER

 


T
his award goes to an SSQQ Staff member who does something beyond the call of duty.  In any given month, there are always at least 100 quiet acts of simple kindness performed by someone who works at SSQQ for which the person gets no credit, but our organization benefits from the gratitude.  The problem for me is that these many moments usually occur way under my radar. So if you have an instructor to nominate, please let me know and why!!   dance@ssqq.com

On the other hand, sometimes the move is dramatic enough to catch my eye so I can say something about it.

 


Last month I wrote a long article about the SSQQ's Newsletter problems caused by Time Warner's Roadrunner Cable service.

If it hadn't been for Susan Schroeder, I would probably still be stuck in the mess they caused by their lack of communication.

For the past three months the SSQQ Newsletter that we email out to our students past and present have been getting rejected at a phenomenal rate. For example at this time last month I sent out 6,300 Newsletter emails. 1,990 emails got through and 4,400 had failed. No one could explain to me what was wrong. I had no clue what had gone wrong.

Susan Schroeder was the person who came up with the first clue. Curious about a bizarre virus warning message that directed her to the Roadrunner web site, she poked around and discovered the following message buried somewhere deep within the Roadrunner policy section.

"Currently, a Road Runner subscriber can send e-mail to 1,000 recipients per day per IP on the outbound e-mail servers."

The company had not bothered to explain this to anyone. They just imposed the policy and if it screwed up someone's business, then tough. If it hadn't been for Susan digging around looking for answers, the SSQQ Newsletter would still be getting rejected at a phenomenal rate and I would have an ulcer.

There is a saying, "Beware the Boss who praises Intelligent Women; he is preparing to let them make him rich." It sure helps to have some bright ladies working for you, huh!

Thank you, Susan.

  LOGIC PUZZLE RESULTS RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE WINNERS OF LAST MONTH'S SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE


SEATING AT THE HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL GAME

The April logic puzzle dealt with the seating arrangement of Freshman at a high school basketball game. I received more nice compliments about this puzzle than any other puzzle I have listed. It turns out to be one of my favorites too.

So here are this month's champions:

2004 April

1. Susan Arevalo (Nine months in a row!)
2. Ritesh Laud (Third month in a row!)
3. Jeff and Connie Woodman (Ten months in a row!)
4. Ann Faget (Ten months in a row!)
5. Mara Rivas (Welcome Back!!)

In the past week I have had two SSQQ students email me with the correct answer to the legendary Einstein Logic Puzzle which lives here on the SSQQ Web Site at http://ssqq.com/archive/vinlin06.htm

Both Sorrell Warren and Gary D'Antoni aced this difficult puzzle on their first try although Gary had the nerve to complain he "wasted" some of valuable time.

Here is what he said, "I managed to waste 43 valuable minutes of my time solving this. But, after you start, you just can't stop, can you?"

Oh yes, logic puzzles are such vices, aren't they?

So I made a special effort to invite Sorrell and Gary to join the SSQQ Logic Club and play with the big boys and girls! We will check back in a month and see if they held their own.

By the way, we could use some new players in the SSQQ Logic Club. Check out this month's new puzzle and send me an answer!!
 
  THE NEW LOGIC PUZZLE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE NEW SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE

 
THE JUNE SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE:
MARA RIVAS BUYS A CONDO AND INVITES ALL HER FRIENDS TO LIVE WITH HER!!


http://ssqq.com/archive/logicpuzzle18.htm

Mara Rivas was getting sick and tired of driving back and forth back and forth between her house and the SSQQ Dance Studio. She often joked to her friends she ought to just sleep on the couch and save a lot of time. Then one day she noticed a condo for sale right across the street from the studio!!

After some inquiries and some hustling, Mara managed to buy the condo and then she invited all her best friends to come live with her!! At first, Marlies, Mack, Nancy, George, and James were all excited. They thought were being asked to move in with Mara as roommates for free!!

Then they got a little confused and thought all six of them were about to become the SSQQ version of "Friends". Several people drooled with anticipation at just how friendly things might get! Mara's reputation was in great peril for a moment there.

Then they finally figured it out and realized they were actually expected to move into separate apartments and expected to pay rent to boot. Too bad, so sad. Fortunately they managed to keep their disappointment to themselves.

Now it is your job to figure out which apartment each Friend ended up moving into. Good luck!

Will Sorrell and Gary be able to hang with the ultra-logicals?? Will Mara's reputation be destroyed by a wrong answer? Mara's new roommate is who?? Or whom?? Mara will definitely need to solve this one just to find out what rent to charge everyone.

Find out next month!!

http://ssqq.com/archive/logicpuzzle18.htm
  JOKE PICTURE OF THE MONTH RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE SSQQ JOKE PICTURE OF THE MONTH
Joke Picture

 


TWO JOKE PICTURES OF THE MONTH - LIFE DISCOVERED ON MARS AND A PALESTINIAN RITE OF PASSAGE

We have two new joke pictures this month. One is very funny and one will have you shaking your head in sadness… neither joke needs an explanation.

http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/jokepicture.htm

  PUNISHMENT RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE WORST SSQQ PUN OF THE MONTH
(There is no such thing as a good pun...)

 
THE SSQQ PUN OF THE MONTH: Take Me Out to the Ball Game!
Contributed by Judith Walsh

Three Old Ladies at the Ball Game....

Remember, this is a detective story...so pay CLOSE attention!!

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first Cubs baseball game. They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ballpark. The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely, mixing the Jack Daniels with soft drinks.

Soon, they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

Based on the information given above, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Think!
Think some more!
You got it yet?
You're gonna love it....

It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded...."
  VOCABULARY RETURN TO HEADLINES

RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES

 
 

THE SSQQ VOCABULARY WORD OF THE MONTH

 

SUPERNUMERARY
Submitted by Ann Faget

Okay, admit that you don't know the answer. Let's try multiple choice:

Supernumerary

a) Spear chucker in a play
b) Mega Accountant to Donald Trump
c) Math Whiz
d) Van Helsing's next enemy
e) A Statistician
f) Mara's newest tenant
g) too many people in an over-crowded room
h) the latest Salsa Dance
I) a new star on the horizon

If you want to know the answer, click here.

By the way, everyone gets to play this game. Ann sent hers in just a couple weeks ago. If you have a good vocabulary word, send it in!! Best word each month gets a free practice night. Be sure to add a sentence! dance@ssqq.com )


Thank you, Ann!

By the way, everyone gets to play this game. Ann sent hers in just a couple weeks ago. If you have a good vocabulary word, send it in!! Best word each month gets a free practice night. Be sure to add a sentence! dance@ssqq.com)
 
  SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES  
 

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE!!

 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE: SSQQ DANCE INSTRUCTORS RANDY WINFREY AND MELISSA GAUTHIER GET ENGAGED!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Monday, April 19, 2004 12:46 PM
To: Melissa Gauthier; Winfrey, Randy
Subject:slow dance and romance engagement?

Hi Randy and Melissa,

I heard a rumor you were engaged. If it is true, I am very happy for you since I have enjoyed so much watching you grow closer together.

Would you mind writing something that I could put in the newsletter to share with the group??

Thanks!! Rick Archer

-----Original Message-----
From: Winfrey, Randy
Sent: Monday, April 19, 2004 1:56 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject:RE: slow dance and romance engagement?
Hi Rick,

Yes, it's true. I asked Melissa to marry me this past Friday, April 16, no date yet as we are working on that.

Sure, no problem. We'll get something together for you!!

Best Regards,
Randy Winfrey


(Editor's Note: Randy promised me he would send me some details about the engagement but as we go to press has sent nothing in. Melissa's email bounces every time I pester her. This has been going on for a month. So that's it for this announcement. Maybe they can send us some details next month!! Give them a hard time for me, okay?)

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE: BETTY MOORE AND LARRY AVANT GET MARRIED!

(Editor's Note: I have really lost my reporter's touch this year in the Romance category. Two months ago I listed Marian Schoppe's engagement to an anonymous man!! This month I have nothing on Randy and Melissa and nothing on Larry and Bette. My nose for Love must have the flu. But in Bette's case it wasn't for lack of trying!!)

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 3:50 PM
To: Bette Avant
Subject: congratulations, Betty!!

I am so happy for you Betty! That's great. How did you meet Larry? Was he part of your back and forth commute from San Antonio to Houston??

Give me some details!!

Rick Archer


-----Original Message-----
From: Bette Avant
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 3:59 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: congratulations, Betty!!

Nope, but Larry's in the same business I'm in. He's a law firm administrator also. That's all I'm saying. No secret details for you! I know I'd be reading them in your newsletter and I embarrass too easily.

See you soon. Bette (Moore) Avant

(Editor's Note Again: At least you see I tried to dig up some news.)

TRY TRY AGAIN: SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE: MARIAN SCHOPPE AND MIKE JONES GET ENGAGED!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Janet Schoppe
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2004 5:55 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: News on John Doe

Hi Rick,

Today I called Marian again and told her she had to email the scoop to you or I couldn't go back to the dance studio! She promised she would email you so that I could attend class this week. Then I checked the site and saw you had already written something in the newsletter!

John Doe is really Mike Jones. Marian and I met Mike on the cruise and I could tell Mike was sweet on Marian from the first time they met. Mike wears cowboy boots and a cowboy hat quite a bit. From what Marian says, he is a good western dancer. She did say they may try and take a ballroom dance class before the wedding.

That is about all I have for now. Now that Marian realizes you are going to maim me, hopefully she will hurry up and send the story to you. She also promises to send a picture. In the meantime, I guess I need to be prepared to turn on the dance floor 100 times !!!!!

See you in class.
Janet Schoppe

(Editors Note: At least Someone came through, albeit a little late. Better late than never. Thank you, Janet!!)
 
  VENUS AND MARS RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES  
 

VENUS AND MARS

 
 
Contributed by Tom Huddleston (sent to SSQQ in March 2003)
June CS 32: Why Men Lie - Tom Huddleston
While a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into water.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with a rusty beat-up old iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily. One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord in appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "YOU CHEAT! THAT IS AN UNTRUTH!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is merely a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You will come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, You will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes,' and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so that's why I said yes this time."
The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is always for an honorable and useful reason . . .

THE VENUS MARS OBSERVATION OF THE MONTH NUMBER ONE
Contributed by Donna Ruth in May 2004 adding the comment "Not that we lie, but if we did…"

WHY WOMEN LIE

One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with a silver thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river.

When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and asked her, why she was crying.
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes! Oh yes!!" cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is not your husband!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to sew enough to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.


(Editors Note: Is it my imagination or do these two stories seem similar?)
 
 
  CLEAN SIDE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE SSQQ CLEAN SIDE JOKE PAGE
Clean Side Jokes

 

Over the years, SSQQ has been fortunate to receive many jokes sent to us by our Newsletter readers. We have compiled them into our Monthly Joke Page. At the end of the year, I will add the jokes that appear in our "Best New Jokes" column into this monthly "Hall of Fame" section. This way your jokes will become immortal!!


Last year we had 7 new jokes published in the April 2003 Newsletter that have been added to our "Hall of Fame" entries listed below. Drum Roll please for the wonderful contributions of Tom Huddleston, my favorite aunt Lynn Griffiths, and frequent contributors Chris Holmes, Judy Walsh, and Leroy Ginzel. You can their contributions among the regular June Clean Side Jokes listed below.

My favorite jokes from June include two excellent Engineer jokes, a highly misunderstood set of professionals that are easily teased because they lack the verbal skills to fight back. One joke even has the Engineers triumphing over that hated profession known as the Lawyers. It is so clever I featured it as the joke of the month. Another good joke to check out is the "Hero and the Biker Gang" joke, a classic!

June Clean Side Jokes

June CS 01: Mom's Driver's License - Gary Richardson
June CS 02: Sunbathing Nude - Leslie Wagner
June CS 03: Son in College - Reza Taherian
June CS 04: Father and Son - Rick Archer
June CS 05: Understanding Engineers - Jill Banta
June CS 06: The Blonde & the Hwy Patrolman - Hieronymous Anonymous
June CS 07: Engineers Are Smarter Than Lawyers - Jill Banta
June CS 08: The Beautiful Senorita - Gary Richardson
June CS 09: Wild, Wild West - Sylvia Key
June CS 10: Three Turtles - Patty Jones
June CS 11: The Hero and the Biker Gang - Donna Ruth
June CS 12: Catholic Mothers Bragging about their Sons - Jon Holverson
June CS 13: Ten Dollars is Ten Dollars - Ann Bush
June CS 14: Sleepless in Seattle - Patty Jones
June CS 15: Better Work on Your Short Game - Joanne Armstrong
June CS 16: Clinton and the Sooey Pigs - Mary Collins
June CS 17: The Mistress - Ralph Volz and Patty Jones
June CS 18: The Dog Who Liked Football - Sharon Russell
June CS 19: The Sailor Finds a Room - Sharon Russell
June CS 20: Signs Seen in Hotels Around the World - Michael Yount
June CS 21: Aggie Funeral Director - Kathleen Parker
June CS 22: The Hearing Aid - Mike Guillory
June CS 23: The Lawn Mower - Mike Guillory
June CS 24: The Fishing Trip - Mike Guillory
June CS 25: Judgment Day - Mike Guillory and Pat Roberts
June CS 26: Cannibal Dinner Plans - Joseph Stuteville
June CS 27: The Pope and the Chauffeur - Joseph Stuteville
June CS 28: The Catholic School - Leroy Ginzel
June CS 29: Mood Swings - Judy Walsh
June CS 30: Colored Folks - Leroy Ginzel
June CS 31: A Father-Daughter Talk About Politics - Chris Holmes
June CS 32: Why Men Lie - Tom Huddleston
June CS 33: A Frenchman, a German, and an Englishman - Chris Holmes
June CS 34: Saddam - Lynn Griffiths

Each month I reprint one of my favorite jokes of all time in the Newsletter. This month I shine the SSQQ Hall of Fame Spotlight on:

June CS 07: Why Engineers Don't Need to Make as Much Money as Lawyers
Submitted by Jill Banta

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy expensive first-class tickets and watch with scorn as their three engineer companions buy only a single ticket.

"How are you three people going to travel on only one ticket ?" asked a lawyer out of curiosity.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. With that, the whole group boarded the train. The lawyers take their respective seats, then laugh hysterically as they see the three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. Holding his nose, the conductor takes it and quickly moves on.

Well, the lawyers roar with approval and give each other High 5s. They like a good scam as much the next guy. The lawyers discuss the ploy and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference ends, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. They realize they don't need to cheat, but can't help themselves. They do it anyway.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their surprise, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. This time the lawyers scratch their heads. These engineers are trickier than they gave them credit.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see" says an engineer.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please!"
  BLUE SIDE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

THE SSQQ BLUE SIDE JOKES!

 

The Blue Side Jokes are one of the great secrets of the SSQQ web site.  It is your reward for taking dance classes at SSQQ.  Anyone who is on the SSQQ Registration List is welcome to have access.

All you need to do to get the address is to email me from the email address you use to register for classes and request it. dance@ssqq.com  

Although the Blue Side is off-limits to the outer world and only SSQQ Students are invited into the inner sanctum of “Dirty Jokes”, each month we manage to find one that is printable. Please see below!!


(Editor's Note: The Blue Side of Town Joke Page is one of the great secrets of the SSQQ web site. Anyone who is on the SSQQ Registration List is welcome to have access. This means if you get the Newsletter, you are invited to visit the naughty jokes page.
Bad news - I discovered some kids were circulating this address around town, so I have moved it to a new location. In the meantime, you can still read the three "Newest" Blue Jokes at this location: http://ssqq.com/archive/secret.HTM

April BS 22: It Could Get Worse - Chris Holmes
April BS 23: The Dangerous Looking Biker - Chris Holmes
April BS 24: The Mini Skirt - Gary Richardson

All you need to do to get the new address is to email me from the email address you use to register for classes and request it. dance@ssqq.com

June Blue Side Jokes

June BS 01: Martian Whip - Donna Ruth
June BS 02: What Kind of Tree is Thee? - Michael Rutenberg
June BS 03: The Brest Stroke Competition - Jill Banta
June BS 04: Helga and the Beer - Kerry Pelham
June BS 05: The Explanation - Ralph Volz
June BS 06: The Parrot - Gary Richardson
June BS 07: Jack and Jill - Kerry Pelham
Joke BS 08: Girl's Night Out! - Joanne Armstrong
Joke BS 09: The Stutter - Jon Holverson
Joke BS 10: The Sisters and the Stalker - Mary Collins
Joke BS 11: Bull Story - Debbie Awad
June BS 12: Twenty Four Hours to Live - Kathleen Parker
June BS 13: The Female Gorilla - Jill Banta
June BS 14: The Foul-Mouthed Hocker - Hieronymous Anonymous
June BS 15: The Newlyweds Lose Their Appetite - Judy Walsh
June BS 16: The Voodoo Pennis - Judy Walsh
June BS 17: The Priests Take the Test - Pat Roberts
June BS 18: The English Professor - Carole Nelson
June BS 19: Vigagra - Lynn Bevis
June BS 20: The Virgin Bride - Red Draper

Although the Blue Side is off-limits to the outer world and only SSQQ Students are invited into the inner sanctum of "Dirty Jokes", each month we manage to find one that is on the edge of printable. This next joke is one of my very favorites. Contributed by SSQQ Instructor Jill Banta, it is a classic display of very poor judgment on my part by printing it… which automatically means it's a great joke! By the way, if you don't understand it, please ask Jill to explain it to you. Enjoy!

 

 

START OF THE SPECIAL FEATURES SECTION

SF ONE     RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE ONE


CHUCK YEAGER HAS THE RIGHT STUFF AND THE WRONG STUFF

February 20, 2004

Sam Sheppard made Chuck Yeager famous in "The Right Stuff". Now Chuck Yeager, American World War II flying ace and the first test pilot to break the sound barrier, is being sued by three of his four children.

Yeager's children are suing their father over ownership of a 1.2-hectare, $US1.35 million ($A1.7 million) ranch in Penn Valley. A trial is set for May in Nevada County Superior Court.

Susan Yeager, the principal plaintiff, is suing her father over alleged attempts by his new wife to exert "undue influence" that will alienate him from the family.

Yeager, 81, the subject of the book and movie "The Right Stuff", married 45-year-old Victoria Scott D'Angelo in August.

But in the lawsuit, Yeager's daughter, 53, alleges that D'Angelo has been "fraudulent," "malicious" and "oppressive".

Susan and Don Yeager and Sharon Flick are children from Yeager's 45-year marriage to Glennis Yeager, who died of cancer in December 1990.

"Ms D'Angelo's larger scheme (is) to alienate Mr Yeager from his family and acquire his estate for herself," the lawsuit said.

Yeager says his children are simply upset because his new wife would be entitled to his money when he dies. It is his money and he thinks it is his right to disperse it as he pleases.
 
SF TWO   RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE TWO

 

A DEAD MAN WITH A TALE TO TELL
By SHANNON BUGGS
Houston Chronicle

For 27 months, David Jokinen was dead.

Not literally, but financially.

J.P. Morgan Chase Bank confused his Social Security number with his deceased mother's when converting a joint credit card to his name after her April 2001 death.

The bank then told credit bureaus Equifax, Trans Union and Experian Information Solutions that David Jokinen was deceased.

Two of the financial data companies stopped assigning Jokinen a credit score because they had him listed as dead.

Without a credit score, Jokinen could not refinance the mortgage on his Sugar Land home or qualify for a 0.9 percent loan to buy a used luxury car.

The small-business owner says his fight to get the bank and credit bureaus to correct the mistake cost him more than $250,000 in out-of-pocket expenses, unnecessary interest charges and time lost from work.

Now he wants them to pay him back.

On Tuesday, Jokinen filed a federal lawsuit in Houston against Chase, the credit bureaus and an Equifax subsidiary.

Spokesmen for Chase and Equifax declined to comment about the lawsuit Wednesday.
The other credit reporting agencies did not return calls seeking comment.

Jokinen says all of the defendants were negligent, intentionally spread false information about him and violated the Fair Credit and Reporting Act in the way they handled his requests to correct the mistake.

The 42-page complaint describes Jokinen's journey to resurrect his financial life.

He wrote letters, made calls, filed complaints with the Federal Trade Commission and testified before a Congressional committee. Nothing worked until he convinced television stations and newspapers to report on his plight.

When contacted about Jokinen's situation by the local CBS affiliate and the Houston Chronicle, Chase apologized and promised to fix the error.

At the time, Jokinen said he did not accept the apology and that he planned to sue.

The lawsuit says "it was not until the end of August 2003 when the inaccurate Chase Bank/Chase trade lines were removed from his credit reports and he was no longer 'deceased.' "

Since then, Jokinen has tried to get the companies to reimburse him for his troubles and restore his credit rating to what it was before the mistake was made.

"There might still be some negative information reflected on his credit report because of excessive inquiries by Chase," said Kamran Mashayekh, an attorney with the Tien law firm, which represents Jokinen.

But Mashayekh said the companies again ignored Jokinen. That is, until the lawsuit was filed.

"We couldn't get anybody's attention to remedy the problem," Mashayekh said. "Now, we are hopeful that we will have this resolved soon."
SF THREE   RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE THREE

 

EVER HEAR OF THE DARWIN AWARDS??

March 10, 2004, 12:16AM
NEW MASONIC MEMBER KILLED BY GUN DURING INITIATION
By PATRICK HEALY
New York Times

PATCHOGUE, N.Y. -- The initiation rituals at the Masonic lodge had been bathed in secrecy. The climax of Monday night's ceremony was to be a simple prank. A new member of the Fellow Craft Club, a select group within the lodge, would sit in a chair while an older member stood 20 feet away and fired a handgun loaded with blanks.

That ritual went terribly wrong inside Southside Masonic Lodge No. 493, in a basement littered with rat traps, tin cans, a 9-foot-tall guillotine, and a setup designed to mimic walking a plank.

The shooter, a 76-year-old Mason, Albert Eid, was carrying two guns, a .22-caliber handgun with blanks in his left pocket, and a .32-caliber gun with live rounds in his right pocket.

He reached into his right pants pocket, pulled out the wrong gun and shot William James, a 47-year-old fellow Mason, in the face, killing him, the authorities said.

Eid, a World War II veteran who had a license to carry his own pistol and often did, pleaded not guilty Tuesday afternoon to a charge of manslaughter. He was wearing his blue Masonic jacket during his arraignment.

Suffolk County police called the shooting an accident, the consequence of one man's confusion during a decades-old ritual. The incident exposes this centuries-old secret society to a rare degree of public scrutiny.

Late Monday night, police carried evidence and ritual objects out of the Masons' one-story lodge in Patchogue. All day Tuesday, television trucks and curious neighbors examined the club's bricked-over windows and peered into the front door to glimpse a bulletin board announcing the order's recent charity efforts.

Masonic leaders statewide were quick to disavow the ritual and shooting, saying it was not Masonic custom to shoot guns at other members. Ron Steiner, a spokesman for the New York State Grand Lodge of Free and Accepted Masons, which oversees all Masonic lodges in the state, said the social club was not officially tied to the Masonic organization.

"This is so far beyond the concept of reality it's mind-boggling," Steiner said. "I've never heard of anything like this."

Mystery and suspicion are woven into the history of the Freemasons, who trace their roots to the stone workers' guilds that built medieval Gothic cathedrals. The guilds evolved into secret clubs over the years with secret handshakes and rituals, and symbols like an all-seeing eye, pyramid and compass.

Over the years, the Southside Masonic Lodge members developed their own initiation rituals for the social club in the lodge that set them apart from most other Masonic organizations, members said.

No members of the lodge could remember pistols being used in the rituals (they are not allowed inside Masonic lodges), but some described initiations that were part prank, part exercise in trust.

On Monday night, James and Eid were among 10 men who set to performing the club's initiation.

James, the first to be initiated, sat down in a chair, and two tin cans were placed on a shelf by his head. The idea was for Eid to fire two blank rounds, and a man standing behind James would knock the cans down with a stick. And then it happened.

"This is a tragedy," said Eid's lawyer, James O'Rourke. "He is absolutely beyond grief-stricken. This is a mistake, not a criminal act."
SF FOUR   RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE FOUR

 

FIRST A JOKE, THEN A STORY.

The Basketball Player

As the Coach Smith sat alone in his seat waiting for the wealthy alumnus to join him, he realized his hands were shaking. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and his stomach burned with nausea. He had never been more worried in his life. This could easily be the end of the line for him.

Just then the door opened and Henry Randolph III entered the room. Richest benefactor to State University, Mr. Randolph had the power to hire and fire at his whim.

"Coach Smith, I am not going to beat around the bush. Your basketball team did not win one game last year. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have you fired immediately."

"Well, we had a lot of injuries and a couple guys turned pro and a couple guys didn't make the grades and…"

"Knock it off. I know the story. Look, I know you can coach. But the problem is you don't know how the game is played anymore. Sometimes you just need to look the other way."

Henry Randolph pushed an envelope across the table. It appeared to be thick with cash.

"Mr. Randolph, sir, you know I run a clean program!!"

"Yes, that's true and that's your downfall. Now take this money and buy yourself a PLAYER or hand me your resignation now."

It's the middle of the next basketball season. Starting at Center for State U is the Kid, a seven foot rebounding maniac who can score at will and block shots with the greatest of ease. State U is number One in the country, Coach Smith is being nominated as Coach of the Year, and the alumni are all happy, especially Henry Randolph III. And why shouldn't they be happy? State is undefeated.

Ever since Coach Smith surprised the world by magically beating out the best schools in the country in the recruiting battle for the Kid, State U has been at the top of the heap.

So why is Coach Smith unhappy? There sitting on his desk is a Pink Slip. The Kid is failing Math.

Coach goes to the office. "Prof, Baby, what's the problem here?  We can't have you failing the Kid!!  Without the Kid, our team is down the tubes!!  I'm out of a job!! You can't do this!!"

"Coach, back off. The Kid hasn't shown up in class one time this whole semester. Why should I give him a passing grade?"

"Because I don't have a prayer if the Kid sits down!! I gotta have him on the court!! Give him another chance!!"

The professor gives Coach a disgusted look, shakes his head, then gives in. "Okay, Smith, have the Kid in here at noon tomorrow. I am going to give him a Pass-Fail Math Quiz. Take it or Leave it."

"Oh, Thank you Prof Baby, I owe you one!  See you tomorrow!"

Coach has his tutor work with the Kid all night long. He doesn't sleep. He is sick in his stomach. He is scared out of wits. What will he do if the Kid fails? He is too old to start over. Besides no one will hire him if he blows this one.

High Noon rolls around. The Kid and the Coach walk into the Professor's office. Without even bothering to look up, the Professor says, "Young man, what is two plus two?"

The Kid agonizes. So does the Coach. The Kid blows a gasket thinking it over. So does the Coach. Suddenly the Kid cracks a smile. He starts to count his fingers. "Four!!  The answer is Four!!"

The Coach screams, "OH, Prof, give him another chance!!  Please, I'm Begging you, One more try!!"


(Editors Note: The reason it is so easy to make fun of dumb jocks is that in real life things happen that are so bizarre they give us a reason to suspect a large kernel of truth within the myth. Read the next story and gasp.)


DUMB JOCKS FIND A WAY TO MAKE AN "A"

March 4, 2004, 8:36PM
Associated Press
ATHENS, Georgia.

Talk about a slam dunk, here is a Coach whose final exam gave everyone an easy lay-up.

Most college students dream of getting a final exam with easy questions like: How many goals are on a basketball court? How many quarters are in a high school basketball game? How many points does a 3-point field goal account for?

To top it off, there are multiple choice answers.

Those were among the questions about basic basketball knowledge on the final exam, and only test, that students took in Georgia assistant men's basketball coach Jim Harrick Jr.'s Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball class in the fall of 2001.

The 20-question test and transcripts of interviews with some of the students in Harrick's class were among 1,500 pages of documents released Wednesday by the university in its response to the NCAA regarding four rules violations in the basketball program.

The university agreed with the NCAA's findings, which included violations of academic fraud and improper benefits.

The NCAA concluded Harrick Jr. "fraudulently awarded grades of A to three men's basketball student-athletes" enrolled in the course he taught in the fall 2001 semester by allowing them to miss class and tests.

Harrick Jr. also allegedly provided an extra benefit to student athletes by the manner in which he conducted the course, the NCAA found.

After the allegations came to light, Georgia last March chose not to renew the contract of Harrick Jr., the son of former head Georgia men's basketball coach Jim Harrick.

An attorney for the Harricks said Wednesday that Harrick Jr. would not comment, and that a federal lawsuit filed last week is their response. That lawsuit accuses university officials and others of defamation.

According to the documents, one of Harrick's students called the final exam in the class, "the easiest thing that I've ever taken."

"I remember when he assigned that, you know, he didn't seem to care if anybody showed up to take the final because he said, 'Well, if you know of anybody who is not here who needs to take the final, just tell them to come by my office. It's no big deal,"' the unnamed student told attorney Ed Tolley, who conducted the school's investigation of the charges, according to the transcript.

The names of Harrick's students who were interviewed were blacked out in the papers.

"He always joked with us about the NCAA, you know, about all kinds of stuff, never really seemed to take it seriously," the same student said.

All the students in the class were given an A grade, according to the documents.

In its investigation, school attorneys said they contacted 18 of Harrick's 39 students, who all said they took the test, but said that scholarship basketball players -- Chris Daniels, Rashad Wright and Tony Cole, a former player, did not take it.

It was Cole who who went public last year with his allegations of receiving academic and financial benefits from the coaching staff.

Another student-athlete in the class told Amy Chisholm, Georgia's assistant athletic director for compliance, in an interview in March 2003 that it was a "fairly easy class."

The final "was short and easy," the student-athlete said.

"A lot of times Harrick Junior would not come to class towards the end so I do not remember any study sessions for the final. I think I did well on the final." 


See how well you do on Harrick's Test:

The 20-question final exam Jim Harrick Jr. gave to his Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball class in fall 2001:

1. How many goals are on a basketball court?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

2. How many players are allowed to play at one time on any one team in a regulation game?
a. 2
b. 3
c. 4
d. 5

3. In what league to (sic) the Georgia Bulldogs compete?
a. ACC
b. Big Ten
c. SEC
d. Pac 10

4. What is the name of the coliseum where the Georgia Bulldogs play?
a. Cameron Indoor Arena
b. Stegeman Coliseum
c. Carrier Dome
d. Pauley Pavilion

5. How many halves are in a college basketball game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

6. How many quarters are in a high school basketball game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

7. How many points does one field goal account for in a Basketball Game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

8. How many points does a 3-point field goal account for in a Basketball Game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

9. How many officials referee a college basketball game?
a. 2
b. 4
c. 6
d. 3

10. How many teams are in the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship Tournament?
a. 48
b. 64
c. 65
d. 32

11. What is the name of the exam which all high school seniors in the State of Georgia must pass?
a. Eye Exam
b. How Do The Grits Taste Exam
c. Bug Control Exam
d. Georgia Exit Exam

12. What basic color are the uniforms the Georgia Bulldogs wear in home games?
a. White
b. Red
c. Black
d. Silver

13. What basic color are the uniforms the Georgia Bulldogs wear in away games?
a. Pink
b. Blue
c. Orange
d. Red

14. How many minutes are played in a college basketball contest?
a. 20
b. 40
c. 60
d. 90

15. How many minutes are played in a high school basketball game?
a. 15
b. 30
c. 32
d. 45

16. Diagram the 3-point line.

17. Diagram the half-court line.

18. How many fouls is a player allowed to have in one Basketball game before fouling out in that game?
a. 3
b. 5
c. 7
d. 0

19. If you go on to become a huge coaching success, to whom will you tribute (sic) the credit?
a. Mike Krzyzewski
b. Bobby Knight
c. John Wooden
d. Jim Harrick Jr.

20. In your opinion, who is the best Division I assistant coach in the country?
a. Ron Jursa (sic)
b. John Pelphrey
c. Jim Harrick Jr.
d. Steve Wojciechowski

Source: University of Georgia

SF FIVE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE FIVE

 
 


 

 
SF SIX RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE SIX

 
     


a Special Note from Rick Archer about Email, the SSQQ Newsletter, and Spam.

I now receive an average of 150 spam emails a day. Because I run a business where people email me at random from all over the world on a variety of subjects, I am reluctant to install filters.

The problem with this kind of volume is the potential I can accidentally delete valuable emails from ssqq students, especially when I don’t recognize the name. To minimize this possibility, please be sure to put a title with some thought behind it in the “Subject” box when you are trying to contact us.

As for the SSQQ Email Newsletter, more and more people report that it is being blocked at their jobs as “Spam”. This leaves me no choice but to make the Email I send out as innocuous as possible.

For that matter you may stop receiving the SSQQ Email Newsletter at any time for reasons that are out of my hands. A month ago, I had over 600 Newsletter Emails sent to students with Yahoo accounts bounced back to me. I contacted Yahoo and was given no explanation why the emails bounced.  It is tough to correct a problem when you don’t even know what is causing it.

In the future, I suggest you automatically go to the Newsletter on the SSQQ Web Site a couple days before classes start and read the latest news whether you get an email reminder or not.

NO STANDING IN LINE – SIGN UP ON-LINE (SSQQ ONLINE REGISTRATION)
https://www153.ssldomain.com/ssqq/register/

     
  AND THAT’S A WRAP FOR THIS ISSUE (AND DON’T FORGET TO GO TO THE WEB SITE FOR THE COMPLETE NEWSLETTER!!)

As you can see, the SSQQ Newsletter is written to a large extent by its readers. Many people contribute jokes, pictures, and interesting items each month. Anyone is welcome to join the fun!

If you have any comments, suggestions, requests, complaints, jokes, pictures or poetry to share, please send it to me, Rick Archer, at dance@ssqq.com

And thanks for reading all the way to the bottom! …. I might add I do have reason to believe some of you simply scroll to the bottom to look for any little surprises I hide down here. ;-)   Anyhow, thanks to all for making it this far!

Rick Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
4803 Bissonnet
Email:   dance@ssqq.com
Web:   
www.ssqq.com
Phone:  713-861-1906

 

Answer to Supernumerary:  Spear Chucker in a Play (an actor who does a walk-on in a play)

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